Physical signs of domestic violence

Signs of Domestic Violence I Psych Central

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Recognizing domestic violence can be challenging — but there are signs to look out for.

Domestic violence can come in many forms. It could involve sexual abuse, financial abuse, or the often subtle emotional abuse.

It can affect anyone regardless of age, gender, or race. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence estimates that more than 10 million people — men and women — are affected by domestic violence each year.

Not every situation will look the same, making it difficult to recognize.

If you’re in a domestic violence situation, understanding the most common signs of domestic violence can help you navigate this situation.

While the term “domestic violence” often refers to intimate partner violence, it could also include elder abuse, child abuse, and any other kind of abuse within a home or family unit.

The abuse could be psychological, emotional, financial, physical, or sexual.

Physical abuse

Physical abuse includes directly hurting someone physically. It could also include threats to hurt you or your children, pets, or loved ones.

Sexual abuse

Sexual abuse refers to any type of sexual-related abuse, including sexual violence and assault.

This type of abuse could also include patterns of sexual coercion — for example, you might be manipulated into sexual activity by a partner who threatens to hurt you.

It’s important to note that elder abuse could also encompass sexual abuse.

Emotional abuse

Emotional abuse isn’t always easy to recognize — it can be subtle and covert. It can come in the form of actions or words from anyone, even a boss or co-worker.

Two of the most common forms of emotional abuse are gaslighting and projection.

It could include:

attempts to control you and your behavior
humiliating you
insulting or belittling you
putting down your interests, career, and/or relationships
manipulating you through emotional blackmail or guilt-tripping you
blaming you for their issues
accusing you of cheating or not loving them
outbursts, especially when you don’t do what they want
isolating you from loved ones

Emotional abuse could also be a component of other forms of abuse.

Financial abuse

Financial abuse includes restricting a person’s access to their own money. You might be forced to depend on the person who’s abusing you for financial needs.

This often makes it difficult to leave a violent situation.

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The symptoms of domestic violence vary depending on the type of abuse. While some types of abuse leave visible scars and bruises, others do not.

Physical signs of domestic abuse

A person being physically abused might have frequent injuries and bruises.

Signs of physical abuse could include:

black eyes
bruises on the arms, limbs, or neck
sprained wrists
broken bones
unexplained pain

A person who is being physically abused might be unable to explain what caused their injuries, or their explanations might seem shaky and inconsistent.

They might attempt to cover up their injuries by wearing heavy makeup or more clothing than usual such as a scarf or long-sleeved shirt when it’s hot.

They might also cancel events or avoid seeing people until their injuries heal.

Emotional signs of domestic abuse

All types of domestic abuse could impact a person emotionally.

If a person is in a domestic violence situation, you might notice changes in their behavior, such as:

increased levels of anxiety
increased levels of irritability and anger
low self-esteem
seeming more fearful, including flinching at sudden movements or sounds
lack of interest in usual hobbies or activities
fatigue and lack of energy
increased crying
seeming more sad, tearful, or numb
suicidal ideation

These symptoms don’t necessarily prove that someone is being abused. There could be another explanation, including a recent trauma or loss.

Behavioral signs of domestic abuse

As a result of the abuse, a person’s behavior might change. This could include:

sleeping too much or too little
change in appetite
using substances, such as drugs and alcohol, more often
isolating themselves from loved ones
withdrawing from social events
avoiding activities/events they usually enjoy

Not every domestic abuse survivor will display these symptoms. There’s no one way to feel or act after abuse, and everybody reacts differently.

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It isn’t always easy to tell whether someone is violent unless you see the violence yourself (or are told by someone who has witnessed or experienced it).

Although it isn’t always clear why people abuse, a person who abuses might:

feel the need to control their partner, children, and others
fear being abandoned or left vulnerable
feel powerless
have low-self esteem

However, these characteristics aren’t conclusive. There might be many reasons why a person is abusive or violent toward others.

If you think you might have a problem with violence, consider speaking with a mental health professional.

Domestic violence could have short- and long-term impacts.

In the short-term, domestic violence could lead to:

feelings of shame and guilt
feelings of fear and anxiety
difficulty concentrating
nightmares
tense, painful muscles
irritability and moodiness

In the long term, domestic violence could contribute to the development of the following mental health conditions:

depression
anxiety disorders
eating disorders
post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
insomnia
substance use disorder
suicidal ideation

There’s no “right way” to feel or act after experiencing abuse. Not all victims will be affected in the same way.

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If you’re in a domestic violence situation, there are steps you can take to try to navigate the situation until you can safely leave.

It might be a good idea to:

talk with someone you trust about your situation
develop an exit plan
connect with a local shelter
speak with a loved one who might be able to help you leave
seek the help of a therapist or join a support group

The National Domestic Violence Hotline has an excellent tool to help you create a safety plan.

Once you’re in a safe place, try to take photos of any injuries you have as close to when they happened as possible. It’s important to note that if you take photos, it’s a good idea to take them yourself or have another adult take them for you.

Taking screenshots of text messages and saving voicemail messages could also be helpful later on.

The signs of domestic violence can vary from one situation to the next. No matter the nature of the abuse, it’s not your fault.

If you or somebody you know is in an abusive relationship, help is available.

You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 (SAFE) or text “Start” to 88788.

Some other helpful resources you could try include:

National Sexual Assault Hotline
National Center for Victims of Crime
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
Pathways to Safety International
Hope Recovery
Casa de Esperanza (Spanish-speaking hotline)
National Indigenous Women’s Resource Center
Asian and Pacific Islander Institute on Domestic Violence
The National Center on Violence Against Women in the Black Community
National LGBTQ Task Force

Warning Signs of Domestic Violence, Why Victims Stay, How to Get Help

Written by William Moore

Signs of Abuse

If you’re afraid of your partner, that’s a big red flag. You may be scared to say what you think, to bring up certain topics, or to say no to sex. No matter the reason, fear has no place in a healthy relationship.

If you feel like you’re being abused, there’s a good chance you may be, and it’s worth getting help. Keep that in mind as you think about these signs:

Your partner bullies, threatens, or controls you:

Accuses you of having an affair
Blames you for abuse
Criticizes you
Tells you what to wear and how you should look
Threatens to kill you or someone close to you
Throws things or punches walls when angry
Yells at you and makes you feel small

Your partner controls your money:

Keeps cash and credit cards from you
Puts you on an allowance and makes you explain every dollar you spend
Keeps you from working whatever job you want
Steals money from you or your friends
Won’t let you have money for basic needs like food and clothes

Your partner cuts you off from family and friends:

Keeps close tabs on where you go and whom you go with
Makes you ask for an OK to see friends and family
Embarrasses you in front of others, and it makes you want to avoid people

Your partner physically abuses you:

Abandons you in a place you don’t know
Attacks you with weapons
Keeps you from eating, sleeping, or getting medical care
Locks you in or out of your house
Punches, pushes, kicks, bites, pulls hair

Your partner sexually abuses you:

Forces you to have sex
Makes you dress in a sexual way
Makes you feel like you owe them sex
Tries to give you an STD

Won’t use condoms or other birth control

Signs Someone You Know Is Being Abused

Keep an eye out for things like:

Excuses for injuries
Personality changes, like low self-esteem in someone who was always confident
Constantly checking in with their partner
Never having money on hand
Overly worried about pleasing their partner
Skipping out on work, school, or social outings for no clear reason
Wearing clothes that don’t fit the season, like long sleeves in summer to cover bruises

Are the Signs Different for Men?

They’re often the same. And that’s true whether the abusive partner is a woman or another man. It may be emotional or verbal, like taking away keys, medicines, or other essentials. Or things like constantly putting you down in public or on social media.

And, it can be physical. To make up for differences in strength, abusive partners may try to attack you in your sleep, by surprise, or with weapons and other objects. They may also abuse your children or pets.

Are the Signs Different for the LGBTQ Community?

Again, there’s a lot in common, but the abuse may also target sexual orientation or gender identity. Your abuser may:

Make excuses for abuse, like it’s just how men are or that you wanted it to happen
Tell you that police or others won’t help because of your gender or orientation
Tell you that you’re not really how you identify
Threaten to out you to family, friends, and others

What to Do if You’re Being Abused

First, know that you deserve better and that this isn’t your fault. If you’re in an emergency, call 911.

It can be hard to decide whether to stay or leave. That’s why it may help to start with a call to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233). Call from a friend’s house or somewhere else where you feel safe.

You can also turn to friends, family, neighbors, your doctor, or your spiritual community.

Also make sure you have an emergency escape plan:

Hide a set of car keys.
Pack a bag with keys, extra clothes, important papers, money, and medicines. You might keep it at a friend’s house.
Have a plan for calling the police in an emergency. You might have a code word so your kids, family, friends, or co-workers know you’re in danger.
Know where you’ll go and how you’ll get there.

What to Do if You Think Someone Is Being Abused

Say something. You might have your doubts. But if you’re thinking about it, there’s usually a reason. Someone’s life could be in danger.

When you talk to the person, you can:

Ask if anything is wrong
Talk specifically about what concerns you
Listen carefully
Let the person know you’re always there to talk and that your conversations are always private
Offer to help
Support the person’s choices

What is domestic violence

Domestic violence is a deliberate emotional or forceful coercion/action of one person against another person, carried out for a specific purpose, contrary to the consent, will and interests of the victim.

The main difference between domestic violence and other types of violence is that it occurs between people who are close or related.

What is domestic violence? is the intentional use of various forms of physical, sexual, psychological and economic violence by one family member against another, resulting in bodily injury, emotional trauma, developmental disabilities or various types of damage.

Types of violence:

Physical violence - direct or indirect influence on the victim with the intent to cause physical harm, expressed in mutilation, severe bodily harm, beating, kicking, slapping, pushing, slapping, throwing objects and etc.

Sexual violence - violent acts in which a person is forced against his will to any form of sexual relations by force, threat or deceit.

Psychological - harm to the psychological health of a person, manifested in insults, intimidation, threats, blackmail, control, etc.

Economic violence - financial support, full control over costs.

Medical abuse – negligence and delay in dispensing medicines, intentional overdose of a medicine or, conversely, deliberate refusal of a patient to receive the necessary medicine.

Neglect - irresponsibility or inability to provide a person with the necessary conditions for life: food, drink, clean clothes, safe and comfortable housing, personal hygiene products, medical care, and more.

Pronounced signs of violence:

Physical abuse:

marks of blows, scars, cuts on the hands, face, legs and other parts of the body;
fractures or contusions;
burn marks;

Sexual abuse:

sexual touching of a person without his consent;
forcing a person to undress;
forcing a person to have sexual contact with him.

Psychological abuse:

constant shouting and threats towards a person;
swearing and using obscene words;
humiliation of a person;
ignoring a person when he asks for something.

Financial exploitation:

ordering services, donations or unnecessary expenses;
unexpected financial problems or loss of money;
using a bank card when a person cannot walk;
loss of money in a bank account or cash.

All types of violence are closely interrelated. If the aggressor in the family practices physical violence, of course, this causes mental trauma, and not just physical pain. Economic violence is often based on manipulation and control. There are usually physical injuries and consequences behind sexual assault. As a rule, it is difficult to imagine a situation where the aggressor uses only one type of violence, often the victims suffer from the simultaneous manifestation of its various types.

1. Increasing tension in a relationship

Dissatisfaction in relationships increases and communication between family members is disrupted. On the part of the aggressor, planning and “preparation” take place. He/she can visualize the next attack. He/she enjoys the power of fulfilling his/her fantasy. In most cases, the perpetrator is not aware of this internal "preparation" for various reasons. One of them may be the learned "script" of relations in the parental family.

2. Violent incident

An outbreak of verbal, emotional or physical abuse occurs. Accompanied by rage, arguments, accusations, threats, intimidation.

3. Reconciliation

The offender apologizes, explains the reason for the cruelty, shifts the blame on the victim(s), sometimes denies what happened or convinces the victim(s) of exaggerating the events.

It is difficult for the victim, and sometimes it is unbearable for the rapist to be in a state of tension associated with the fact of violence. Therefore, in order to get rid of the "heavy burden" of responsibility, he / she takes some action. The abuser makes excuses and blames the victim for the reason for their behavior. As a rule, the victim is blamed for her behavior. For example, "If you cleaned the house, I wouldn't have to hit you" or "If you cooked dinner on time, I wouldn't have to hit you." A person who practices violence does not repent of hurting his victim. He may apologize, but to avoid possible punishment. The purpose of this stage is to ensure their impunity.

4. Honeymoon

This is a difficult stage. After abuse, the abuser can turn into the caring, loyal, charming and kind person that she, the victim, fell in love with him. He/she can take him/her to a restaurant, buy flowers, assure her/him that he/she will change. The goal is to keep the victim in the family and maintain a semblance of well-being. The violent incident is forgotten, the offender is forgiven. Many women/men return to their abusive partners for this period when “everything is so good!”, “as if at the beginning of our acquaintance!”, “how he/she loves me!” . After the honeymoon, the relationship returns to stage one and the cycle repeats. As time progresses, each phase becomes shorter, violent outbursts become more frequent and cause more damage.

Psychological violence and coping methods

Zyuzkina Anastasia Andreevna, psychologist of the health care institution "City Clinical Psychiatric Dispensary"

Domestic violence against women and children is often not perceived as an act of violence.

The topic of psychological violence is broad, this issue is relevant not only in the field of the family system, but also in the sphere of work.

For example, in the scientific literature, psychological violence is called mobbing - the employer's disrespectful attitude towards employees in the context of labor relations. Situations where periodically (at least once a week) the employee is humiliated and harassed by the team or the manager, the purpose of which is to dismiss the employee during the period of employment. Mobbing is manifested in the oppression of a long period of time and includes negative statements, unfounded criticism, social isolation of an employee, dissemination of deliberately false information about a person, and more.

Psychological consequences for the object of mobbing are so serious that social significance is perceived as traumatic and compared with murder, rape and robbery. Some people even think about suicide.

Most often, psychological abuse occurs in the family. The main victims of domestic violence are women and children. The consequences of psychological violence include sleep and appetite disorders, alcoholism, reckless committing of traumatic actions, a change in the nature of the individual.

Psychological violence is a form of influence on the emotions or psyche of a partner through threats, intimidation, insults, criticism, condemnation, etc. That is, a constant verbal negative impact on another person. More often this type of violence is subjected to wives from their husbands, much less often vice versa.

Psychological abuse can escalate into physical abuse.

Domestic violence also spreads in cohabitation as cohabitation. Most often it is a form of psychological abuse. Psychological abuse is on a par with physical abuse, since the personality is violated by suppressing self-esteem. Under such conditions, the person who is targeted by the negative impact does not assess the situation as dangerous and sometimes it is necessary to convince them that they have become precisely the victims. Beliefs are formed as if she herself is to blame, misunderstood, did not tolerate, did not prove, provoked. As a result, personal characteristics are formed: self-restraint, alienation, negativism, refusal to express one's own position.

Insults, violence, mistreatment in psychology is called abuse. The person who forces to do something, offends, forces to perform actions that are unpleasant to another person, respectively, is an abuser.

The reasons why one partner affects the psyche of another are varied, the most common: the need for self-realization and self-affirmation at the expense of the other, difficulties in the inability to express one's desires and thoughts, past experience, financial dependence on one's partner, the perception of violence as a norm in family behavior, propaganda of violence in the media / movies / video games, psychological deviations in the form of a psychological trauma.

With constant criticism, the self-esteem of the victim decreases to a certain level and self-confidence is shaky, in this state it is easier for the tyrant to impose his opinion and desired behavior. The victim in such a state of mind doubts the correctness of his actions, a feeling of insignificance and guilt is instilled. By psychologically influencing such a person, another model of life is laid, the position of a tyrant is adopted and control is exercised on his part.

There are many signs of psychological violence and a combination of signs is used to determine it, and not each factor individually:

criticism - a rough assessment of shortcomings, comments about appearance, intelligence, taste preferences, such criticism may be followed by insults.
Humiliation - insults, rough treatment.
Accusation - conviction of guilt, for example, in family failures and shifting responsibility for everything that happens.
Despotism - commanding tone in communication, orders and instructions instead of requests.
Intimidation - Threats of physical violence to the victim and their loved ones, limiting prohibitions on contact with children and threats from the tyrant to commit suicide.
Prohibition to communicate with relatives, friends, colleagues, deprivation of means of communication.
Prohibited from visiting places outside the home and obtaining permission from a partner to leave the house.
Permanent presence, partner rarely leaves alone.
Monitoring behavior and communication outside the home, checking private messages, checking call lists, checking email, installing software, hidden or open surveillance (video surveillance).

Emotional abuse also includes jealousy, which manifests itself in constant accusations of adultery.

A psychological abuser has such qualities as: disrespectful attitude towards a partner and his life principles; the imposition of help that was not asked for, generosity that puts you in an awkward position; total control; jealousy; threatening behavior; the presence of double standards “I can, but you can’t”; life credo "a man (woman) is never guilty of anything."

There are several types of psychological violence. Gaslighting is one of the most severe forms of psychological abuse. The gaslighter denies their partner or child adequateness using the phrases “it seemed to you”, “it didn’t happen”, “you just don’t understand it”. The victim is instilled that the perception of the environment is erroneous, therefore, the victim is convinced that she is going crazy. Neglekt - ignoring any needs, arguing that a person does not need it, deliberate negligence. Sometimes the abuser pushes his partner to plastic surgery, refuses to deal with everyday life and children. In this situation, it is best to isolate yourself from the abuser. Visholding - refusal to discuss an exciting topic. Emotional blackmail - ignoring any action of the victim, emotional coldness, silence, blackmail with personal information. The purpose of such behavior is the subordination of another person, deprivation of one's own will, and only by limiting communication can one protect himself from this. Ignoring - emotional withdrawal. Isolation - prohibition of communication with everyone except the abuser himself, so the request for help is difficult to carry out. Control - tight control over any actions of the partner. Criticism - pointing out shortcomings and miscalculations, that in front of other people it looks like ridicule. The purpose of such behavior is to form an inferiority complex, after such an impact it is difficult to recover from such a relationship, faith in oneself, partnership is lost.

It is best for the victim to get out of the situation of violence (even run away, disappear from view). Victims of psychological abuse cannot avoid mental problems. Such people are in a state of psychological trauma and experience anxiety, fear, may become depressed, and suicidal attempts are not excluded. There is also emotional dependence, neglect of one's needs, various addictions may arise, for example, alcohol or drugs.

Learn more

Physical signs of domestic violence

Signs of Domestic Violence I Psych Central

Physical abuse

Sexual abuse

Emotional abuse

Financial abuse

Physical signs of domestic abuse

Emotional signs of domestic abuse

Behavioral signs of domestic abuse

Warning Signs of Domestic Violence, Why Victims Stay, How to Get Help

In this Article

Signs of Abuse

Signs Someone You Know Is Being Abused

Are the Signs Different for Men?

Are the Signs Different for the LGBTQ Community?

What to Do if You’re Being Abused

What to Do if You Think Someone Is Being Abused

What is domestic violence

Psychological violence and coping methods