Older man and young
Older man and younger man
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Why Do Older Men Date Younger Women?
Consenting adults come together for many reasons and age isn’t always a factor.
Older men may fall for younger women and younger women may sometimes prefer to date older men.
While some people may believe the motives behind big age gaps in relationships are always sinister, older men may gravitate toward younger women for many valid reasons, and that may be the case for younger women dating older men, too.
Age and consent
This article discusses older men dating younger women where both partners are above the legal age of consent in their state.
If both partners are above the legal age of consent, it doesn’t mean consent is implicit. Asking for consent and both people being on the same page is key in any healthy romantic relationship.
If you’re below the age of consent and an adult’s behavior is making you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, help is available. You can:
- Call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-4673 for confidential, 24/7 support.
- Visit Stop It Now! for online resources or reach out to their helpline at 888-773-8368.
- Visit Childhelp for resources to handle and report abuse or to chat live with someone who can help.
Why does anybody want to date someone else? There are infinite possibilities.
The vulnerability of young girls has made the older-men-dating-younger-women stereotype a predatory one.
While it’s true that some men may consider younger women easy targets for manipulation or control, there are less sinister reasons an older man may be drawn to someone younger.
Sometimes it just happens. You fall in love with the person and overlook their age. Other times, it’s actually the energy, appearance, and life perspective of a younger woman that may be attractive to an older man. In some instances, the intention may not be a healthy one. Every case is different.
Ancestral practices
A 2020 large-scale replication study examined mate preferences across 45 countries. Researchers found that most men placed a higher emphasis on appearance when it came to choosing a partner.
The reason behind it isn’t necessarily vanity.
Primitive humans seemed to have selected mates based on reproductive success. Features like youth, symmetrical bone structure, and wide hips in females were viewed as signs of overall health and vitality, which would ensure species survival.
On some level, the ancestral and instinctual attraction to such features may remain in both Eastern and Western cultures, as noted by a large international study from 2020.
This could be a reason why men, in general, may be attracted to younger women.
Long-standing traditions
Stephanie Juliano, a licensed professional clinical counselor from Rio Rancho, New Mexico, points out women haven’t traditionally had the benefit of equality.
“Men initially had more privileges, and so it was not unheard of taking a younger partner to take care of, and on the other hand, a young woman leaving home was being taken care of both financially and socially,” she explains.
While the adult-child relationship dynamic has been denounced in some parts of the world, there’s still much work to do in that respect.
It’s also possible that these practices have influenced dating culture and there may still be an undercurrent of older men dating consensual younger women based on wanting to be their provider.
Entering crisis mode
It’s probably one of the most discussed reasons for older men dating younger women: The midlife or identity crisis.
Do older men mentally resist aging by dating younger partners? Is the midlife crisis even real? There’s much discussion but limited research on the topic. Some argue that this is yet another stereotyped cliche that doesn’t have much proof behind it.
How old is “too old” when it comes to an age gap in relationships?
According to data accumulated over the course of 7 decades, in developed countries, the average age gap among heterosexual couples is 2 to 3 years.
In these relationships, the data indicates it’s more common for men to be the older partner.
Age gaps are rarely discussed until they’re considered “too big,” but there’s no hard rule about when an age gap becomes significant.
Reported satisfaction in a relationship may start to see diminishing returns if the age gap between partners is larger than 10 years, suggests an 80-paper review from 2016.
In misogynist cultures, young women dating older men may be often accused of being “gold diggers,” or just in the relationship for financial gain.
Research, however, shows that when it comes to establishing long-term relationships, the majority of women, of all ages, are typically interested in older men.
A large study of more than 12,000 participants in Finland found that most women prefer same-age or older male partners throughout life, while men, regardless of age, tend to prefer women in their 20s.
While women may also seek older men out of long-standing provider traditions, there are other reasons this matchup might be appealing.
Emotional maturity
Research suggests men take longer than women to reach mental maturity, making it reasonable for young women to feel more emotionally compatible and secure with older men.
The father complex
Young women who grow up with absent, emotionally unavailable, or abusive fathers may develop what’s known as the father complex.
The father or Oedipus complex isn’t a recognized disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition, text revision (DSM-5-TR), and it’s a controversial term. Originally a Sigmund Freud’s theory, the term and concept have been long controverted.
Initially, the theory described how children form a strong attachment with the parent of the opposite sex and start to compete for attention and love with parents of the same sex. This is part of the natural psychosexual development.
When a person stays psychologically stuck in this stage of development, they may experience challenges in adult relationships.
When it comes to younger women dating older men, some people refer to the complex as “daddy issues,” a gendered stereotyping term.
Only a mental health professional can accurately determine if a younger woman’s attraction to older men has roots in unresolved childhood conflicts.
What about older women and younger men?
A double standard may exist in some cultures that accept older men dating younger women. Older women dating younger men may not be seen so kindly, although it could be explained differently.
Mary Mimi Schultz, a licensed professional counselor from Houston, explains this is often because the component of vulnerability is missing from this dynamic.
“When a younger man dates an older woman, it is more accepted because she is not in the relationship for money, typically,” says Schultz.
In a chauvinist culture, an older woman may still be seen as the weaker one in the relationship, not the one taking advantage of a younger partner, which may happen to older men dating younger women.
When two people genuinely love one another and have built that love on commonalities, companionship, respect, and trust, a relationship can work — regardless of the age gap.
Patricia O’laughlin, a licensed marriage and family therapist from Los Angeles, says relationships with a large age gap may be wonderful opportunities for personal growth.
“There can be significant differences in beliefs between generations. It’s a real chance to learn how to consider multiple perspectives on an issue or experience,” she says.
Schultz adds these types of relationships also tend to have high levels of maturity, which can mean a lower chance of settling for less than ideal circumstances.
“Typically, an age gap difference means one is in it for the love and relationship,” she says.
Any relationship can face challenges, but research suggests age gaps like those in relationships between older men and younger women have been linked to:
Depression
As partners age, the older partner may not be able to meet the energy levels of the younger partner, or may feel inadequate.
Depression in older adults may also be linked to experiences unique to the age, like losing close friends and retirement, something a younger partner may not be able to relate to.
Infidelity and lack of relationship commitment
Although not a rule, it’s possible that younger partners may gravitate back toward people their own age, particularly if the older partner doesn’t have the same sex drive.
Infidelity isn’t exclusive to relationships with age gaps, though. As in any other case, trust and open communication are key to managing this challenge.
Lower relationship satisfaction
Many factors can influence relationship satisfaction. With a large age gap, partners may experience stress or anxiety from:
- social stigma
- different priorities in life, or goals that don’t align
- power dynamics
- clashing social circles
- age-related health challenges
How to manage challenges
Experts cite communication as critical for the success of relationships between older men and younger women.
Juliano recommends open communication about big life questions, right from the start.
“Are there common interests in life goals, religion, family, where do you see yourself, what do you want in the next 5, 10, 15+ years?” she suggests you ask yourself.
O’Laughlin explains that figuring out these questions and creating plans to address them can strengthen your relationship and decrease resentment and conflict.
If you’re unsure where to start, a relationship counselor can help you and your partner identify areas of concern and possible solutions.
Why would older men date younger women and vice versa? As with any other relationship, there are many factors involved. Emotional security, maturity, common life perspectives, physical attraction, and chemistry may be involved. Instincts and culture may also play an important part.
It’s also possible in some cases that unresolved relationship challenges with father figures or traumatic experiences may be at play. Only a mental health professional can determine if this is the case.
Having a big age gap doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is bound to fail. Open communication about life goals and expectations can help you and your partner build a foundation of trust and respect.
An adult man and a young girl: madness or an ordinary couple?
The relationship between two people is one of the most topical topics in society.
Love is reflected in art in all manifestations. For example, the well-known painting "Unequal Marriage" by the artist Pukirev reflects the reality of those times. Then the issue of forced marriages and settlements was acute. It was normal to give a daughter to a rich old man. Today, the relationship "adult man and young girl" is surprising. It would seem that it can attract in an elderly person? Of course, one answer suggests itself: profit. material or otherwise. Is love possible with age difference?
Why is a young girl dating an older man?
In fact, it is difficult to explain the reasons for actions. Many people even get confused in their motivation, to say nothing of the rest. However, there are several reasons why a girl may prefer an old man. The first and perhaps the main one is material well-being. The beginning of an independent life is often associated with serious financial constraints. This is especially true of the fact that a woman cannot correlate her desires and capabilities.
Hence the desire to find a patron. In this scenario, the couple binds themselves with the usual deal: youth, sex and beauty in exchange for money. Let's leave the moral side of the question.
A less common reason why a grown man and a young girl meet is life experience. For a woman, marriage is a new experience, a new stage in life, raising her to a serious level in the eyes of society. A respectable man emphasizes the beauty and youth of his wife. Plus, when living together, he is the bearer of life advice and he has a lot to learn.
Is it possible for an adult man to love a young girl?
It is easy to judge without knowing the ins and outs of the situation. But are true feelings real? Quite. Ordinary reason cannot explain such a quivering feeling as love. Therefore, the sincere basis of the relationship cannot be ruled out. In any case, try not to judge or discuss such couples. Young girls - adult men, relationships are strong and honest? Yes, it could be.
Relationships and prospects
It doesn't matter what drives a girl when choosing such a relationship. The disparity in age that occurs when a grown man and a young girl decide to form an alliance entails certain inconveniences. Therefore, it will not be superfluous to think about the prospects.
The first feature of older men is their unwillingness to adapt to their soul mate. A person can disappear for days at work, get up too early or late. In other words, lead a normal life. True, he will require complete adjustment from his life partner. Therefore, do not be surprised if you are required to attend parties, even if you have to work early in the morning.
The older the person, the more conservative he is. Therefore, such a man is unlikely to want to meet your friends. And in general, doing something for you is a burden to him. It is important for him to just live the way he is comfortable. In severe cases, the husband may forbid the young wife to meet with friends.
In general, relationships based on age differences are difficult. For example, it is rare when a man shares the interests of his wife. At his age, clubs and parties are unattractive. The same applies to active recreation. Older people begin to take care of themselves and be afraid of injury.
It is unlikely that a man will understand his wife's work problems. He has his own duties and difficulties, the rest is of little interest to him. Especially if his chosen one does not work in his field.
Is sex a part of life?
Men and women have different physiology.
Therefore, women feel the flowering of their intimate life after forty years. And for men, the peak falls on adolescence. Hence, disagreements often appear in marriage over dissatisfaction with sexual life. With age, men become conservative, and therefore they often refuse any experiments in bed. Plus there are problems with potency.
Can an adult man and a young girl become happy in marriage, especially in his intimate sphere? Quite.
It all depends on how both partners are ready to go towards each other.
How to please an adult man?
If a young girl only wants an older partner, then it is worth asking how to attract him. Miniskirt and cleavage do not work for men in this category, other tactics are needed.
So, the appearance of a girl should not be defiant. Therefore, it is better to give preference to classic clothes with soft makeup. The main thing is to hide the flaws and emphasize the dignity, and leave red lipstick and a short skirt-belt for other times.
How to behave with an adult man?
It is important to observe the golden mean in conversations. Try not to get bored and not go into a deaf unconscious. Try to find out what topics are of interest to a man and support them. At this stage, refrain from any kind of criticism. A woman, especially a young one, should play the role of a muse, an inspirer. Her task is to support any undertakings, dreams and goals of the spouse.
An adult man and a young girl - their love is often overshadowed by communication. Many ladies begin to call their chosen one on you, as there is a difference in age. Such behavior will only repel a man, since emphatically polite communication cuts off any attempts to transfer him into an intimate sphere.
Why do they choose each other?
Many girls wonder why they like older men? In fact, psychologists consider all this in the plane of relations with their own father. In other words, it is worth turning to psychoanalysis. Its founder, Sigmund Freud, distinguished several stages of child development. On one of them, children experience a feeling of falling in love with their parent of the opposite sex. This is necessary for sexual self-determination. So the figure of the father is important for girls during this period. Therefore, if he was not there or he behaved badly, the daughter will try to make up for the lack of male warmth. Hence the desire to find a partner in age.
Sometimes the reverse situation happens: the girl loves her father very much and seeks to find an identical figure. Because he wants to feel safe.
What then dictates the love of an adult man for a young girl? As a rule, this is the desire to show oneself as a daring lover and Casanova. On the other hand, a person can be moved by banal complexes. Young fans are usually not spoiled for attention and gifts, so they are easy to win.
Prospects and outcome of such a relationship
As a rule, one cannot know in advance how happy a marriage will be. It does not matter the difference in age - an adult man and a young girl can be happy. The main thing is how much the couple is ready to give in to each other and make compromises. It is better for young ladies to be clearly aware of the prospects for such a relationship: over the years, no one gets younger and the risk of becoming a nurse for an already elderly spouse is extremely high.
At the same time, the spouse is also under threat.
If he had any health problems, the young wife would immediately file for divorce. It is worth soberly assessing the union: in trouble, few are ready to selflessly go to improve the life of another person.
You should also be careful when it comes to having children. Since the quality of sperm deteriorates with age and this complicates conception. Plus, the wife at any time runs the risk of remaining in the status of a widow with minor children. This is also worth keeping in mind.
In general, love between an adult man and a young girl depends on them. Only time can tell how successful a marriage will be. Therefore, determine the motives of your behavior and move towards the achievement of the goal.
Films about an old man and a young woman
Tag / Tag: old man and young woman 100
Gray hair in the beard, demon in the ribs - this is how you can characterize the heroes of these works. These older men chose young women as companions.
Stories about misalliance between an old man and a young girl are full of irony and sharp satire. They tell that age is not a number in the passport, but a state of mind.
Best movies category :
Stepfather (2007)
Phantom Thread (2017)
Two in the Universe (2016)
New (recent) films :
Elephant (2019)
You Should Have Left (2020)
Love is like the past rain (2018)
TOP movies tagged "old man and young woman" : That Awkward Moment (2015), Network (1976), Kept Women (2015), Phantom Thread (2017), Autumn in New York (2000), Blame It on Rio (1984), Cold War (2018), Secretary (2002), Stepfather (2007), Love Is Like Rain (2018), Desire (1998), Story (2018), My Worst Nightmare (2011), Ask Me About Anything (2014), Ghost World (2001), You Should Have Left (2020), Coda (2019), Two in a Universe (2016), Mr. Hoffman Loves Young Too (1970), Feather Buyers (1967).
