Narcissistic love addiction
Love Addiction: The Definition and Explanation
Having a love addiction is a concept that is quite foreign to most people. They will often confuse it with sex addiction. However, the two are actually very different. The desire to love and be loved is perfectly normal, and it's something that everyone has. However, when there are euphoric feelings associated with being in love, that is a problem. Love can be very addictive for some people, and it can take various forms.
Many people are struggling with love addictions without even knowing it. They may go from relationship to relationship, always seeking those thrills, but never feeling fulfilled. Perhaps you have been feeling the same way in your own life.
At Northpoint Washington, we want you to know that we understand love addiction. If you feel that you may be suffering from it, we want to help you. However, the first thing you should consider doing is learning as much about love addiction as you can. Only then will you be able to understand yourself and your behaviors more clearly.
We'd like to invite you to read on about the power of love addiction. If you are a love addict, you'll recognize many of your own behaviors here. It's important for you to know that if you do have an addiction to love, you can get help for this problem.
What is Love Addiction, Exactly?
Love is a powerful emotion all on its own. Excitement, energy, and joy abound at every turn. Of course, these experiences and feelings don't last forever. Eventually, those new feelings give way to more mature ones. This is a hallmark of a healthy, long-term relationship. However, for someone who is addicted to love, they thrive on those initial feelings of euphoria. In many ways, this is very similar to what a drug addict feels when he or she gets high.
Once those feelings of euphoria begin to fade, the individual usually begins seeking another relationship. Love addicts find it very hard to stay in a relationship without the euphoric happiness. That is their “drug of choice.” This addiction is a process addiction, which means that it doesn't involve drugs or alcohol, but behaviors.
These behaviors can be just as dangerous and detrimental to one's life.
Of course there are other ways that love addiction can be demonstrated as well. It doesn't always have to apply to romantic relationships with other people. In some cases, it can apply to friends, children, religious figures or even movie stars.
Regardless of who the victim is in the love addiction, it is a serious problem that needs attention. If left untreated, the love addict is liable to become very hurt in the end. Serious consequences can result from an ignored love addiction.
Various Types of Love Addictions Explained
There are several different types of love addictions. They are all somewhat similar to each other. However, this is mostly because of the fact that there is an ongoing addiction cycle present. People will frequently try to stop these addictive behaviors, but they're usually not able to without help.
The different types of love addictions include:
Obsessed Love Addicts
These individuals find it impossible to let someone they love go.
It doesn't matter if their partner becomes distant, doesn't communicate, or becomes unloving. In some cases, the individual can even begin to become abusing. The love addict will hold on, despite the costs.
Codependent Love Addicts
Many love addicts fall under the heading of codependent love addicts. They have low self-esteem, and the behave in predictable ways. They are very insecure, and they fight to hold on to people through codependent behaviors. They may enable, rescue and control them. They may even accept abuse or neglect. They will do anything to take care of their partners.
Relationship Addicts
Relationship addicts no longer feel any love for their partners, but they can't let them go. They are extremely unhappy in their relationships. Sometimes this can affect their physical and emotional wellbeing. They're afraid of being alone and changing.
Narcissistic Love Addicts
Narcissistic love addicts frequently keep their love addictions a secret.
On the outside, they appear to be only in it for themselves. They don't seem to care about the partner at all. They use dominance and control to get what they want out of a relationship. However, if they partner tries to leave, the love addiction will come to the surface. The individual may resort to violence in an attempt to hold on.
Ambivalent Love Addicts
Most ambivalent love addicts actually suffer from avoidant personality disorder. They can let go, but they struggle to move forward. They crave love, but they are afraid of intimacy. This combination is very difficult, and it is demonstrated in a number of forms. These include:
- Torch Bearers: These individuals obsess about people who are not available to them. They frequently participate in fantasies and illusions.
- Saboteurs: These individuals will destroy relationships as soon as they become serious. They are very afraid of becoming intimate with other people.
- Seductive Withholders: These people will initiate sex and companionship.
However, they will withhold these things if they feel anxious. They are available one minute, and unavailable the next minute. Repeating this behavior is a sign of this condition. - Romance Addicts: These people are frequently with more than one partner. They can be confused with being sex addicts. The difference is that romance addicts will bond with their partners. Their goal is to avoid bonding deeply with just one partner.
It is not uncommon for people to exhibit characteristics of one or more of the above. Combination love addictions are typical.
Common Symptoms of Love Addicted Individuals
Love addiction is frequently mistaken for an intense sense of passion. However, by looking for a few different symptoms, you can identify a love addiction. These symptoms include:
- Frequently mistaking intense sexual experiences for love.
- Searching and craving a romantic relationship.
- When in a relationship, feeling afraid of the other person's unhappiness.
- Always striving to please the other person.
- Feeling alone and desperate when not in a relationship.
- Having problems maintaining relationships once the newness wears off.
- Not being able to handle being alone.
- Using sex and fantasy to help avoid loneliness when not in a relationship.
- Choosing partners that are verbally or physically abusive.
- Choosing partners that are emotionally unavailable.
- Choosing partners who need to be taken care of.
- Participating in activities that don't interest you in order to please a partner.
- Giving up certain things to be sure your partner is happy.
- Using sex to hold on to a partner.
- Using sex or romance to tolerate difficult emotions or experiences.
- Searching for romantic relationships at the expense of other things in your life.
- Using anonymous sex or pornography as a way to avoid needing someone romantically.
- Having problems with leaving an abusing relationship.
- Returning to dangerous or painful relationships repeatedly.
Have you noticed any of the above behaviors in your own life? If you have, it's possible that you have a love addiction that need to be treated right away. Ignoring it is only going to make the situation worse.
Are You a Love Addict? Take a Quiz and Get Information
Perhaps after reading the above list of symptoms, you're starting to realize that you might be addicted to love. However, you're still not sure. It might be helpful for you to take a quiz that will give you some more insight into your behaviors in this area.
Answer the following questions honestly.
- When you are in a relationship, are you really needy?
- Do you fall in love very easily?
- Do you think you fall in love very quickly?
- Do you often fantasize when you fall in love? Even to the point of ignoring everything else in your life?
- Do you ever lower your standards for relationships just because you're lonely?
- Do you smother your partner when you're in a relationship?
- Do you get involved with people who aren't able to commit to you?
- Do you begin relationships with the goal of changing the other person?
- After you've bonded with someone, do you find it impossible to let them go?
- Do you tend to ignore warning signs about people if you're already attracted to them?
- Do you find that the initial attraction of a person is more important to you than anything else?
- Do you feel like your life is over after a relationship ends?
- Do you work harder than the other person to ensure the relationship survives?
- Are you only interested in love and relationships?
- Do you not enjoy your own company?
- Have you ever gotten involved with the wrong person in order to avoid being alone?
- Does not being in a relationship make you feel inadequate?
If you answered yes to more than two or three of the above questions, you may have a love addiction.
If you are a love addict, getting help should be your number one priority.
What Help is Available if You're Addicted to Love?
It can be quite a shock to find that you're addicted to love. You need to know what you can do to get the help you need. There are several different options you may want to consider.
There are many love addiction books that you can purchase if you're interested in self-help. These books can give you more information about your addiction. They can also teach you ways to change your behaviors.
Codependents Anonymous is a support group that is built on the premise of creating healthy relationships. This support group is excellent for those with love addictions.
Love Addicts Anonymous is another online support group that you may find to be very helpful for you.
You should also consider attending a love addiction rehab facility. Love addiction treatment is so important for anyone with a love addiction. If this problem is left untreated, it can lead to more severe issues.
You may find that you're suffering from a co-occurring disorder. Some examples may be an anxiety disorder, depression, or even a substance abuse disorder. The right treatment facility will treat all of your addictions and issues at the same time. These mental health problems frequently feed into each other. Unless they are all addressed together, relapses are very likely to occur.
Talking with an addiction treatment specialist can help you understand what type of treatment would be right for you. Please don't put off getting the help you need.
Love Addiction Treatment Offers Hope to Addicts
If you're suffering from a love addiction, you may not have realized it until now. The information you've read here has shed some light on your situation. You can't help but be very concerned about what you should do next.
Love addiction treatment is the best option for you if recovery is your goal. It's so important for you to learn as much as possible about your addiction.
That means diving into your own behaviors and understanding them in detail. You may find that there are a number of reasons behind your love addiction issues. Maybe you have an undiagnosed mental health condition, or perhaps a substance abuse problems has led to love addiction. Many times, these co-occurring disorders go hand in hand. The most important thing you can do right now is to reach out for help.
At Northpoint Washington, we've had the pleasure of working with many love addicts. It's not an unknown addiction, and it's nothing for you to be ashamed of. However, it is crucial that you don't ignore it because it won't go away on its own. We can provide you with the targeted treatment you need to recover from your love addiction.
Are you ready to get help for your love addiction? If you are, we'd love the chance to talk with you about your options for treatment. Please contact us today.
| LAA Typical Kinds of Pdf for printing To make it perfectly clear how one love addict differs from here is a comprehensive list: Obsessed Love Addicts: OLAs cannot let go of someone they love, even if their partner is:
Codependent Love Addicts: CLAs are the most widely recognized. They fit a pretty standard profile. Most of them suffer from low self-esteem and have a certain predictable way of thinking, feeling and behaving. This means that from a place of insecurity and low self-esteem, they try desperately to hold on to the people they are addicted to using codependent behavior. This includes enabling, rescuing, caretaking, passive-aggressive controlling, and accepting neglect or abuse. In general, CLAs will do anything to “take care” of their partners in the hope that they will not leave—or that someday they will reciprocate. Relationship
Addicts: RAs, unlike other love addicts, are no longer
in love with their partners but still cannot let go. Narcissistic
Love Addicts: NLAs use dominance, seduction and withholding
to control their partners. Unlike codependents, who accept a lot
of discomfort, narcissists won’t put up with anything that
interferes with their happiness. They are self-absorbed and their
low self-esteem is masked by their grandiosity. Furthermore, rather
than seeming to obsess about the relationship, NLAs appear aloof
and unconcerned. Ambivalent
Love Addicts: ALAs suffer from avoidant personality disorder.
They don’t have a hard time letting go, they have a hard
time moving forward. They desperately crave love, but at the same
time they are terrified of intimacy. Torch Bearers are ALAs who obsess about someone who is unavailable. This can be done without acting out (suffering in silence) or by pursuing the person they are in love with. Some Torch Bearers are more addicted than others. This kind of addiction feeds on fantasies and illusions. It is also known as unrequited love. Saboteurs are ALAs who destroy relationships when they start to get serious or at whatever point their fear of intimacy comes up. This can be anytime—before the first date, after the first date, after sex, after the subject of commitment comes up—whenever. Seductive
Withholders are ALAs who always come on to you when they
want sex or companionship. Romance Addicts are ALAs who are addicted to
multiple partners. Romance addicts are often confused with sex
addicts. However, unlike sex addicts, who are trying to avoid
bonding altogether, romance addicts bond with each of their partners—to
one degree or another— even if the romantic liaisons are
short-lived or happening simultaneously. By “romance”
I mean sexual passion and pseudo-emotional intimacy. Please note
that while romance addicts bond with each of their partners to
a degree, their goal (besides getting high off of romance and
drama) is to avoid commitment or bonding on a deeper level with
one partner. A Note about ALAs: Not all avoidants are love addicts. If you accept your fear of intimacy and social situations, and do not get hooked on unavailable people, or just keep your social circle small and unthreatening you are not necessarily an ALA. But if you eat your heart out over some unavailable person year after year, or sabotage one relationship after another, or have serial romantic affairs, or only feel close when you are with another avoidant, you may be an Ambivalent Love Addict. Combinations:
You may find that you have more than one type of love addiction.
Many of these types overlap and combine with other behavioral
problems. For instance, you may be a codependent, alcoholic love
addict. For instance, Robert was a love addict, relationship addict, romance
addict and sex addict. He was married but did not want to divorce
his wife of twenty years even though he was not in love with her
(relationship addiction) His hobby was masturbating to pornography
when his wife was not home (sex addiction). He had affairs with
several other women simultaneously without his wife finding out.
He really cared about each of these women (romance addict). One
day he met Jennifer and fell in love with her. It did not take
long before he was obsessed with her. She did not want to be with
him because he was married, so he began stalking and harassing
her (love addict). Narcissists
and Codependents: It is very common for love addicts
to end up in relationships with other love addicts. The most common
kind of love-addicted couple is, as you might have guessed, the
codependent and the narcissist. In the beginning, narcissists
are often seductive. After they have hooked their codependent
partners, however, they change. Nancy and James met at a bar and were instantly attracted to one another. Within days, Nancy (the codependent) had fallen madly in love with James (the narcissist). From the beginning, she was helpful, nurturing, attentive and went out of her way to make him happy. James, on the other hand, appeared to be able to take or leave the relationship after they made love. He canceled dates, neglected to return phone calls, saw other women, became very domineering and for the most part seemed aloof and detached. Still, six months later, Nancy married James because she was in love with him and secretly hoped that he would change. After Nancy and James were married, the pattern of neglect continued—especially
his affairs with other women. Eventually, Nancy sought counseling and within a year she felt
strong enough to leave James. He had other ideas. The first time
Nancy brought up the subject of divorce he laughed at her. Eventually, Nancy got away from James even though he stalked her for months—threatening to kill her if she didn't come back. Thankfully, he eventually let go. However, you have only to read the newspapers to realize that such a volatile combination of codependency and narcissism can lead to homicide. Switch-hitting:
Many love addicts switch-hit because they have more than one underlying
personality disorder. Love addicts switch-hit because of separation anxiety. If another form of behavior is necessary to placate a partner and to hold on the him or her, the love addict will adopt that behavior. Is it an act? Sometimes . . . but if the love addict has weak personality boundaries, they may actually become the other person while under the spell of the addiction. The point here is not to identify all the kinds of switch-hitting going on, or even to explain it, but to point it out and learn from it. Conclusion The
Importance of All This: If all this seems complicated,
it is. And, to be honest, the only reason it is important is because
it makes a difference when it comes to treatment. Codependent
love addicts, for instance, need a boost in self-esteem and self-acceptance. Susan
P
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)
Usually,
they are so unhappy that the relationship affects their health,
spirit and emotional well being. Even if their partner batters
them, and they are in danger, they cannot let go. They are afraid
of being alone. They are afraid of change. They do not want to
hurt or abandon their partners. This can be summed up as “I
hate you don’t leave me.”
They do not appear to be addicted at all. Rarely
do you even know that NLAs are hooked until you try to leave them.
Then they will no longer be aloof and uncaring. They will panic
and use anything at their disposal to hold on to the relationship—including
violence. Many professionals have rejected the idea that narcissists
can be love addicts. This may be because they rarely come in for
treatment. However, if you have ever seen how some narcissists
react to perceived or real abandonment, you will see that they
are indeed “hooked.”
This combination is agonizing.
ALAs also come in different forms, listed below.
When they become frightened, or feel
unsafe, they begin withholding companionship, sex, affection—anything
that makes them feel anxious. If they leave the relationship when
they become frightened, they are just Saboteurs. If they keep
repeating the pattern of being available/unavailable, they are
seductive withholders. 
Or a love/relationship addict. The important thing is
to identify your own personal profile so you know what you are
dealing with.
Robert finally got into recovery, divorced
his wife, gave up the pornography and affairs and married the
woman he was obsessed with. At first his jealousy was out of control,
but after a few years of therapy and 12-Step meetings he began
to trust his new wife. Because she was mature, well-grounded and
had high self esteem, the relationship began to normalize. Today,
all of Robert’s addictions are in remission.
Here is an example of a narcissist-codependent
relationship.
When Nancy objected, James bullied
her until she stopped nagging him about it. This went on for years.
Nancy tried to save her marriage by placating James in every way
she could think of, but he continued to do what he wanted. Eventually,
Nancy stopped loving James and thought about leaving him, but
she just couldn't bring herself to face the loneliness of being
single again. This was better than nothing she thought. So she
continued her codependent behavior, always trying to keep James
happy and comfortable even if it meant sacrificing her own happiness
in the process. 
Then
he threatened her verbally. The day she presented him with divorce
papers, he beat her so badly she had to go to the hospital. It
seems that despite his lack of love and respect for Nancy, James
was addicted to her and the relationship they shared. He also
felt that if he couldn't have her, nobody else could.
For instance, a relationship addict may
play the role of a codependent for years, then finally get out
of the relationship and fall in love with someone who is unavailable.
Suddenly, our relationship addict is an obsessed love addict or
a torchbearer. Even narcissists switch-hit, believe it or not.
For years they can be in one relationship after another, playing
the role of the dominant, uncaring partner. However, if they ever
fall hard, they can easily turn into a torchbearer or obsessed
love addict. If they fall in love with another narcissist then
they have no choice but to become the codependent love addict
in the relationship because the narcissist will not stand for
anything else. Even ambivalent love addicts will start obsessing
instead of running away when they are addicted.
They must learn to think better of themselves. Narcissistic love
addicts, on the other hand, use grandiosity to bolster their low
self-esteem and need to come down to earth. They need to learn
some humility and how to become unselfish. Ambivalent Love Addicts
need to find a healthy relationship and stay engaged in it even
when their fear threatens to overwhelm them. Most of all, understanding
as much as you can about love addiction will form the basis of
your Fourth Step Inventory in a 12-Step Program or give you a
head start if you opt for psychotherapy.neuroses, narcissism and love addiction - Monoclair
Headings : Lectures, Psychology, Public lectures
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A selection of video lectures "Psychology of the city": we understand what neuroses haunt the townspeople, how the phenomenon of narcissism and narcissistic parenthood flourishes on the basis of ambitions generated by the metropolis, how much culture influences the perception of sexuality, what tendencies of sexual behavior prevail in modern society and how to overcome negative consequences of the neurosogenicity of megacities.
Megapolis is a hodgepodge of human aspirations, successes and disappointments. We occasionally go out of town, admire the landscapes, enjoy the fresh air, but invariably return to these industrial melting pots of our souls, because only here we see perspectives and opportunities for self-realization. However, whether we achieve our goals or not, life in a metropolis affects us - our relationships with others, our perception of ourselves and reality, our behavior and condition. So how do we pay the modern big city for the opportunities and illusions that it offers us? How does the culture of a metropolis affect the mental health and behavior of its residents? What is the difference between the psychology of the city?
The Moscow Institute of Psychoanalysis, together with the UNIK Training Center, organized a series of lectures "Megapolis: the psychology of survival", in which psychologists and psychotherapists told how our consciousness changes in the conditions of the stone jungle.
Among the lectures given as part of the course, the neuroses of the big city, the phenomenon of narcissism and the problem of narcissistic parenting in the modern world, as well as the good old problem of love and sexual addiction were dealt with. We decided to publish these video lectures, adding to them another one - "Trends and Trends in Sexual Behavior", which was read by the famous sexologist Lev Moiseevich Shcheglov especially for the Moscow Institute of Psychoanalysis. To complete the picture.
Vladimir Fainzilberg: "The neuroses of the big city"
“The neuroses of the big city” is a popular topic, without which no serious conversation about the metropolis can do, because the inhabitants of these spaces are constantly exposed to many different ambiguous factors that negatively affect the human psyche and the body as a whole. As part of his lecture, psychiatrist, psychotherapist Vladimir Fainzilberg talks about stress and neurosis, which are generated by the frantic rhythm of large cities, analyzes the causes of neuroses and reflects on how to overcome the negative consequences of the neurosogenicity of modern megacities.
Watch the video on the topic Aggression study: S. N. Enikolopov on domestic violence, chauvinism and fan excitability
N. K. Asanova: “The Phenomenon of Narcissism”
A public lecture by psychotherapist Nina Asanova, which took place at MUZEON, dealt with the problem of narcissism and narcissistic parenthood. What is a big city? As already mentioned, the cauldron of opportunities. And this means that much here is held under the slogan "be the best, be the first." Often, parents who depend on these attitudes, from childhood, put such a message into the mind of their child, so that he either continues their difficult task of reaching certain heights, or, even worse, realizes what they themselves failed to achieve.
And this, according to Nina Asanova, is an unhealthy type of parent-child relationship. To convince us of this, the psychotherapist gives many examples from his practice and tells how the psychological atmosphere of childhood affects the development of the child, what scenarios parents use to interact with children, and how much narcissistic parenting scenarios influence the formation of personality psychopathology.
See also
- Narcissism and fear of intimacy: what is emotional unavailability
- Narcissism or self-esteem?
Alexander Poleev: "Love and sexual addiction"
Psychotherapist, sexologist, professor at the Sorbonne-Nouvel University Alexander Poleev talks about the "mysteries of love addiction" and the peculiarities of the sexual behavior of residents of both megacities and provinces with humor and great seriousness.
No neurotic disorder gives rise to as many disagreements, disputes, scientific discussions as love addiction, and disputes last as long as there is scientific psychotherapy. The answer to the first question, despite the numerous studies of a whole army of specialists in different countries, despite the countless number of articles and books about these conditions, we today know very, very vaguely. There is no need to be surprised here: psychotherapy is a very young science, it has just turned a hundred years old, and it deals with the most complex mechanism, the "crown of creation" - the human psyche.
Lev Shcheglov: "Trends and trends in sexual behavior"
Doctor of Medical Sciences, Soviet and Russian sexologist and psychotherapist Lev Moiseevich Shcheglov talks about the place that sex occupies in a person’s life today, how culture affects sexuality, and what myths and fears about sex still exist in the minds of modern man (how, for example, the cult of guilt and sin).
On the example of interesting clinical and statistical studies and cases from practice, the sexologist shows what role the individual and collective unconscious plays in our sexual behavior and explains what sexual scenarios are, when and how they appear and how they affect our sexual life. And, of course, he focuses on modern trends in sexual behavior, including the cult of youth, erotic boredom, the phenomenon of virtual sex and other trends, some of which cause anxiety among the specialist (for more details, see the video lecture).
Source: Moscow Institute of Psychoanalysis
Cover: Thomas8047 / Flickr
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Relationschology of psychology, public lectures
Personomic Narcissus: 9 Shags to freedom.
The feeling of love that we experience at the very beginning of a relationship with a narcissistic personality is experienced much more strongly than in a healthy relationship. The reason is that a narcissist (male or female) floods us with declarations of love almost from the first days, does not tire of admiring, seeking advice, assuring that we are perfection itself, he or she met the best person in his life and is ready for us to all.
This is called "love bombing". Then the tactics change - the narcissist seems to retreat a little, his love confessions become less frequent, calmer, and finally the stormy ocean turns into a meager stream.
It is a form of manipulation, control, and conditioning that the narcissist uses to keep us in his power.
There is no doubt that we loved. The only problem is that narcissists cannot love us back.
When communicating with them, it is better to rely on your inner instinct, and not on the strength of your feelings. We tend to get so trapped in our feelings that we lose the ability to hear the alarm bells and red flags that come with a toxic relationship. Narcissists cannot keep a face for long - very soon their facade cracks. But they are masters of their craft and, if you are inexperienced, can easily put you on the hook.
1. Arm yourself with knowledge
The most important and first thing to do to get out of the trap is to learn as much as possible about what narcissistic personality disorder is, how narcissists work, their typical behavior and techniques.
You need to arm yourself with knowledge.
Repeat and repeat over and over again. Until you study them properly, you won't be able to free yourself from their toxic hook - narcissists make us feel obligated by playing on our sense of duty, conscientiousness.
Feeling sorry for the narcissist when he or she has you trapped is pointless - they are just using your feelings against you. It is necessary to discard false pity in order to clearly see what you are dealing with.
2. Trust your intuition
Watch yourself - learn to separate feelings and deep inner instinct, intuition. Start trusting your intuition, not your feelings. Associating with a narcissist weakens physical, mental and emotional health because we are trying to understand a person whose behavior contradicts words.
Instead of listening to what they say, watch what they do. Words lie, actions reveal the truth. We really get to know people through their behavior. Words are just a breach of your trust.
You feel sick and exhausted because your mind and body tell you that you are in great danger, but everything seems to be fine (because he or she tells you so).
Once again, trust your gut instinct. Become a cold-blooded explorer. Silently observe what is happening.
3. Don't put yourself in their shoes
Go back to where you belong. It's a matter of awareness. Mentally note how difficult it is to do this - these are the consequences of narcissistic processing.
Don't try to guess what they have in mind, imagine their next steps. Putting yourself in their place means trying to understand their motives, justify them, find a reasonable explanation for their behavior, and eventually get bogged down again in the poisonous swamp of their verbal manipulations.
When you catch yourself trying to "get into the narcissist's head," do your best to distract yourself. It's hard and it takes a lot of fortitude not to give in to the brainwashing they put on you to make sure they've taken over all the space inside your head.
4. Ignore the Messages
For the narcissist, information has no meaning, its only purpose is to suck you into a manipulative swamp.
The task is not to figure out whether to believe or not to believe the words of a narcissist. It is about breaking out of the vicious circle in which you think day and night only about what is connected with the narcissist.
Do not listen or pay attention to the content of the speeches that the narcissist makes. This is their way to take out your brain to draw you into their world and keep you where you always find yourself in the role of bad and guilty. They will keep pushing your boundaries and blowing the fuses that signal you are approaching the boundaries to constantly keep you on your toes, unbalance, disturb your peace.
Trying to find common sense in the speeches of a narcissist is to force your brain to work in a stressful mode, it gradually drives you crazy. Know that no matter what they say, narcissists are seeking some benefit for themselves, no matter how logical or beautiful their words sound. Everything is only about them and for them, and the only desire of a narcissist is that you, too, be only about them and for them.
They will do and say anything to keep you trapped in their little fantasy world. Once again: watch what they do (not say).
5. Protect your property and savings
If necessary, start saving money. Remember that they can completely bleed you. Protect everything that is of value to you. Acting from noble feelings and wanting to remain fair, you risk eventually being ruthlessly abandoned without a livelihood.
6. Silence is golden
When we love, we want to share our thoughts and feelings with the person we love — this is natural. But you do not have a loved one, you are dealing with a narcissist who pretends to be your soul mate.
Resist the temptation to tell them everything you think and feel
You can't move them. They use your trust against you. The more open you are, the more guns and knives they have in your back. Narcissists love it when you share.
If you have to say something, protect yourself as much as possible - don't tell the whole truth, be neutral, obscure or change the subject.
7. Who are you?
Deal with yourself, what you believe in, what is dearest to you in this world, what you want to live and die for. Otherwise, anyone can convince you of anything. Without knowing ourselves, we cannot set boundaries in a relationship - what we are ready to tolerate and what is categorically not. Strengthen your value system and protect what you hold dear. Then you will know what to do and how to behave, instead of hesitating and bending under the onslaught of someone else's will.
8. Be patient
Keep observing and analyzing. By learning the basic manipulative techniques of narcissists, you will be able to recognize them accurately. This is a great help in the process of freeing yourself from the illusion of "great love to the grave", "faithful" friendship or family idyll that narcissists have played for you.
