Signs unhealthy father daughter relationships
6 Signs of An Unhealthy Father-Daughter Relationship – Psych3Go
Although it’s become something of a joke how much psychologists bank on our early childhood experiences shaping who we grow up to be, ask anyone about theirs and you will soon realize that this certainly holds a lot of truth. After all, you can probably think of a few formative childhood experiences of your own, right?
Arguably most important of all, however, is our relationship with our parents. And how they treat us as we grow up stays with us for a long time because it tells us a lot about how they see us and, in turn, how we should feel about ourselves. That’s why having a toxic relationship with your parents can have such a detrimental, long-lasting impact on our lives. Take father-daughter relationships, for example. How a father treats and relates to his daughter greatly affects how she will grow up to view men in general, how she will expect them to treat her, and what she looks for in romantic partner.
With that said, if you feel that your father-daughter relationship leaves a lot to be desired, here are 6 tell-tale signs that it’s actually a toxic one:
1. He’s an absentee father.Whether it’s because of a divorce from your mother, having his own other family, or pursuing a demanding career abroad, your father has never really been present in your life, especially not when you needed him the most. He wasn’t there for you on so many milestones and special occasions, no matter how many times he promised he would be, and it’s left a significant hole in your heart that he’s tried to fill with a dozen different excuses (Rosenthal, 2010). He was never the father you needed him to be, and it never really seemed like he ever made much of an effort to be, either.
2. He’s emotionally unavailable.Similar to the last point, even though your father might actually still be present in your life (either living with you or co-parenting you), he might as well not be, given how emotionally closed off and distant he is all the time.
He doesn’t offer you any comfort when you’re upset, or share in your joy whenever you accomplish something. He doesn’t seem very interested in you or your life, because to him, all that being a father means is providing for your family financially and nothing more.
Here we have the opposite of the absentee and emotionally distant father, but who’s every bit just as toxic: the overly controlling father. Fathers who are like this toward their daughters tend to be strict, authoritative, and demanding. And although some of them might really have their child’s best interest at heart, they have trouble giving up control and allowing their daughters the freedom they need to make their own mistakes, explore the world for themselves, and discover who they are on their own terms — all of which contribute greatly to a person’s sense of self-esteem, self-worth, mental health, and satisfaction with life (Shonkoff, et al., 2012).
4.
There are unclear boundaries.As with any other relationship, clear personal boundaries need to be established in order for both parties to feel safe, valued, and respected. However, when it comes to our parents, many of them unfortunately have the wrong idea that just because they’re the ones who raised you and brought you into this world, it somehow gives them the right to treat you however they want. And with toxic father-daughter relationships, this might look like: invading your privacy, disregarding your feelings, and making your decisions for you without even asking you for your input or giving you a good reason why (other than “Because I said so and you will do as you’re told!”).
5. There’s a lack of open communication.Although a lot of parents are afraid of the rebelliousness that adolescence often brings with it, children arguing with their parents can actually be a good thing sometimes, because it shows that they feel comfortable enough to share their true feelings with you.
So if there’s a lack of open communication, then that’s a definite red flag, because it breeds a lot of deception, secrecy, resentment, and passive-aggressiveness between a father and his daughter (Friedman, 2009).
Last but certainly not the least, if your father sets unrealistic expectations for you or constantly compares you to other daughters, then the relationship is most likely not a very healthy one (Gabarino, 1995). They think of parenting as some sort of competition and they’re out to win, so they demand perfection from you at all times. Fathers like this don’t care much about how much effort you put into something or how it makes you feel because to them, all that matters is how your achievements (and failures) reflect on them. And they will never be happy with you until you’re the most successful and most accomplished person they know — unrealistic demands they somehow expect you to meet in order to win the love they should have freely given in the first place.
So, do you relate to any of the things we’ve talked about here? Did reading this article make you realize you might have a toxic relationship with your father? If you are seriously struggling, reach out to a mental healthcare professional today and seek help.
References:
- Rosenthal, S. S. (2010). The unavailable father: Seven ways women can understand, heal, and cope with a broken father-daughter relationship. John Wiley & Sons.
- Friedman, R. (2009). When parents are too toxic to tolerate. New York Times.
- Shonkoff, J. P., Garner, A. S., Siegel, B. S., Dobbins, M. I., Earls, M. F., McGuinn, L., & Committee on Early Childhood, Adoption, and Dependent Care. (2012). The lifelong effects of early childhood adversity and toxic stress. Pediatrics, 129(1), e232-e246.
- Garbarino, J. (1995). Raising children in a socially toxic environment. Jossey-Bass Inc., Publishers, 350 Sansome Street, Fifth Floor, San Francisco, CA 94104-1342.
Leave your vote
7 points
UpvoteDownvote
Total votes: 17
Upvotes: 12
Upvotes percentage: 70.
588235%
Downvotes: 5
Downvotes percentage: 29.411765%
Categories: Uncategorized
6 Types of Unhealthy Father-Daughter Relationships – Psych3Go
Disclaimer: The purpose of this article is for spreading awareness to the general public, not for self-diagnosis. Please don’t take this as a personal attack on your character.
According to UNICEF of Early Childhood Development, Dr. Pia Britto, fathers should bear the responsibility in nurturing their children during their earliest years of life by giving them love and protection, playing with them, and providing nutritious food; so that they will have less behavioural issues, smarter, and able to be healthier, happier people. During the early 1000 days of a child’s life, it is a critical time for brain development and there is an increasing body of evidence that fathers have a huge contribution in this process.
So, let’s take a look at the types of unhealthy father-daughter relationships, shall we?
- The absent father
You are a 6-year-old daughter.
Your father is working 9 to 5, and after work, he goes straight to the gym to work out. When he arrives home at night, he is already super tired to play with you.
According to a family and marriage therapist, Jed Diamond, “the father wound is the psychological, relational, and physical dysfunction that happens in people who grew up with a father who was emotionally or physically absent.”
Ellis and colleagues (2003) found the association between the absence of a father and girl’s sexual behaviour in a demographically diverse sample of girls over a 13-year span. It showed that the teenage girls who have experienced the absence of a father during their early development were twice as likely to be involved in sexual intercourse and seven times more likely to have been pregnant by age 17 compared to adolescent girls whose fathers were present in their early life.
2. The abusive father
You go to your school counsellor to seek help regarding your father who always abuses you emotionally.
When he comes home from work, he always criticizes you, mocks you, and always lashes out at you. Oftentimes, you are beaten up by him too. You feel depressed. So, the counsellor calls your father, who just scoffs and says, “Why does she spill family’s problems to an outsider, anyway?”
In a report by the World Health Organization (WHO), there was a comparison done by The International Society for the Prevention of Child Abuse and Neglect on the definitions of abuse from 58 countries and found some similarities in what was regarded as abusive. The WHO Consultation on Child Abuse Prevention (1999) outlined the following definition:
‘‘Child abuse or maltreatment constitutes all forms of physical and/or emotional ill-treatment, sexual abuse, neglect or negligent treatment or commercial or other exploitation, resulting in actual or potential harm to the child’s health, survival, development or dignity in the context of a relationship of responsibility, trust or power.
’’
When a woman has been abused sexually, verbally, or physically by her father when she was young, she may encounter problems choosing an affectionate significant other, she has the tendency to be involved in high-risk behaviours which may influence her decision-making skills. Apart from that, this woman may also experience emotional consequences such as low self-esteem, poor self-confidence, and a sense of worthlessness which may lead to clinical depression. These abused children, when they grow up into adults, may develop symptoms of anxiety, depression, poor concentration and memory, nightmares, and flashbacks (Campbell, n.d.).
3. The pampering father
You are excited for the arrival of your first newborn. You vow to yourself that you will give this daughter everything that she wants. You want to be that loving father who dotes on her every single time.
Indeed, the showcase of a father’s love and the involvement of a father in the parenting of a daughter is very important, however, there is a limit that should be adhered to.
For example, if a 3 and a half-year-old daughter wants to eat junk food everyday and is begging and throwing tantrums in the convenience store; what should a father do? Should he just blindly fulfill the child’s desire despite knowing it can harm her health in the long run?
According to Adlerian Psychological Theory developed by a social psychiatrist, Alfred Adler, pampering is categorized into 5 types:
- Overindulgence
- Overpermissive
- Overdomineering
- Overnurturing
- Overprotection
Pampering involves any scope in which a child needs attention and care such as physical, emotional, developmental, and/or psychological. When a child is pampered frequently and consistently, the child will soon adopt a “pampered lifestyle”, where one will have an attitude of entitlement and expect special treatment. These children will develop an attitude of superiority and believe that the needs of other people are less important than their own needs (Mueller, 2011).
4. The toxic father
Psych3goers, let’s scan your relationship with your father. Is he demanding, critical, and manipulative? Does he appear to be overreacting, dramatic, or unpredictable? Or perhaps you have an enmeshed relationship with your father, where he shares too much personal information with you. If your answer is “yes”, then there is a high probability that you have a toxic father.
According to Sharon Martin, LCSW, when you have a toxic father, you will develop a codependent relationship with him in which you will find it hard to make your own choices, have your own goals, and have a fulfilling life. When you say “no” to what your father wants you to do, he will guilt trip you, causing you to never feel good enough.
5. The ruined father
Are you living with an alcoholic father? Or does your father have other forms of severe addiction (drugs, pornography, smoking)? Or perhaps your father is diagnosed with depression?
Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT (2017) stated that when you have an addicted father, he may experience a change in personality.
Thus, he will become unreliable, inconsistent, and unpredictable. He never gives you the sense of safety and consistency. When this daughter with an alcoholic and addicted father grows up, she can develop post-traumatic stress syndrome, undiagnosed depression, and anxiety.
6. The anguished father
You found out that your father is cheating on your mother. You saw how your mother was crying her heart out at home, her bright personality suddenly changed into a gloomy one. Deep down, you develop a resentment towards your father. You wonder, “How could he do that to my loving mother?”
An anguished father constantly lets you down. Oftentimes, daughters of an anguished father will make unhealthy lifestyle choices such as risky sex and eating disorders because they believe when they self-damage, the father will quit his bad habits. The daughters simply do not know how to respond to their own issues or worries, thus they willingly hurt themselves.
Final thoughts
Dr. Linda Nielsen stated that daughters who have healthy relationships with their fathers tend to develop more fulfilling relationships with their significant other. On the contrary, daughters who have unhealthy relationships with their fathers may become too apprehensive or too aggressive in asking for what they need or when trying to resolve problems. When these daughters do not get the appropriate attention by their fathers, they feel unlovable, and expect to receive undivided attention, approval, and adoration by their significant other. So, Psych3goers, have you analyzed what kind of relationship you have with your father? If you believe that your relationship is an unhealthy one and you want to improve your relationship with your father, perhaps you can consider an appointment with licensed counsellors or other mental health professionals.
REFERENCES
Bross DC et al. World perspectives on child abuse: the fourth international resource book.
Denver, CO, Kempe Children’s Center, University of Colorado School of Medicine, 2000
Campbell, S. L. (2019, January 10). An abusive father and the effects on a young woman’s relationships. Our Everyday Life. https://oureverydaylife.com/abusive-father-effects-young-womans-relationships-43059.html.
Diamond, J. (2020, April 22). How absent fathers impact our adult relationships. Goop. https://goop.com/wellness/relationships/how-absent-fathers-impact-our-adult-relationships/.
Ellis, B.J., Bates, J.E., Dodge, K.A. et al. (2003). Does father absence place daughters at special risk for early sexual activity and teenage pregnancy? Child Development, 74(3), 801–821.
Hill, S. E., Proffitt Leyva, R. P., & DelPriore, D. J. (n.d.). Absent fathers and sexual strategies. Absent fathers and sexual strategies | The Psychologist. https://thepsychologist.bps.org.uk/volume-29/june/absent-fathers-and-sexual-strategies.
Lancer, D. (2017, August 2). The trauma of children of addicts and alcoholics.
Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-trauma-of-children-of-addicts-and-alcoholics#8.
Martin, S. (2021, August 21). 10 ways to free yourself From “Toxic” Parents. Live Well with Sharon Martin. https://www.livewellwithsharonmartin.com/free-yourself-from-toxic-parents/.
Mueller, D. K. (2011, October). Pampered Children and the Impact of Parenting Styles. alfredadler.edu. https://alfredadler.edu/sites/default/files/Mueller%20MP%202011.pdf.
Nielsen, L. (2019, July 10). How your dad affects your relationships with men. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fathers-daughters/201907/how-your-dad-affects-your-relationships-men.
Report of the Consultation on Child Abuse Prevention, 29–31 March 1999, WHO, Geneva. Geneva, World Health Organization, 1999 (document WHO/HSC/PVI/99.1).
UNICEF. (2018, June 7). Fathers are one of the best, yet most underutilized child development resources. UNICEF Press Centre | Fathers are one of the best, yet most underutilized child development resources | UNICEF Europe and Central Asia.
https://www.unicef.org/eca/press-releases/fathers-are-one-best-yet-most-underutilized-child-development-resources.
0 points
UpvoteDownvote
Total votes: 4
Upvotes: 2
Upvotes percentage: 50.000000%
Downvotes: 2
Downvotes percentage: 50.000000%
Relationship problems between father and daughter and their consequences in adult life
The father's role in raising his daughter still seems insignificant to some. Daddy loves her and that's enough. Is it so?
Everything is clear with boys – their father teaches them to be courageous, courageous, to take responsibility for themselves and others, to fight for rights and protect the weak. But what about the girls? It used to be believed that the upbringing of daughters was entirely in the hands of the mother. In practice, it turns out that if the daughter grew up without a father (literally or figuratively), friendly contact was not established with him, then the child has to fly through life, as if without one wing.
Psychologists have repeatedly mentioned the relationship between father and daughter. What consequences can be in the future because of a bad relationship with his father in the past?
Ideal? If you dig into the past, many will find something to remember:
- alcoholic father,
- left the family early,
- was a workaholic.
Or he simply lived nearby, but did not show any interest in his daughter, did not take care of his upbringing. Some fathers were “cold” and aloof, while others were not so lucky.
If the father drank, walked, beat the children or the mother, then the feeling of injustice and hatred can live in the soul for years, leaving a heavy imprint on all life events.
In psychology, it has long been established that the connection between father and daughter subconsciously influences the relationship between a girl and her chosen one in the future. For example, if a father has never admired his daughter, then as an adult, she will not expect compliments from fans.
But these are trifles compared to what serious problems girls can face in adulthood if there were disagreements with their fathers.
Read on the topic Psychology of father-daughter relations
Father-daughter relations: subconscious choice of the wrong men
A huge problem with a bad relationship between father and daughter is revealed at the moment when it comes to dating, choosing a life partner. If sharp corners and some kind of psychological trauma can be hidden in work, relationships with friends, then when it comes to building a connection with the opposite sex, all those complexes, fears and mental attitudes that we received in childhood emerge. No one wants an alcoholic or tyrant husband, but girls who have had fathers with the same problem in their lives are much more likely to choose a guy with an addiction.
Father-daughter psychology
A father is called to help his daughter grow up to be brave, self-confident, but at the same time feminine.
It is the father who instills in the girl a sense of self-worth, attractiveness and striving for the desired. When a child at an early age does not receive daddy's attention, approval and care, self-doubt creeps in. As a result, statistics show that in families where fathers abandoned their wives and children, girls more often begin to have an early sexual life, many become pregnant at the age of 15-16 years. The fear is triggered that the man will definitely leave, leave the family, and therefore you need to hurry. If you evaluate this, it is easy to understand how important the role of the father in raising a daughter is.
Unreliable father. What will the daughter grow up to be?
Powerful women who are able to show masculine character traits, be tough and uncompromising, most likely had weak-willed and irresponsible fathers. Such dads were not able to bring money to the family, they drank, obeyed the whims of an overbearing mother.
A girl takes this kind of father-daughter relationship into her adult life, trying to compensate for the lack and take responsibility for everything into her own hands.
As a result, men come across on the way who need to be pulled, patronized, and, possibly, provided. At the same time, the mental attitude may not manifest itself so clearly, but if you start analyzing the situation, it turns out that the woman is simply not able to stop controlling everything (after all, she does this unconsciously, at the subconscious level).
Domineering father of a complaisant daughter
If the relationship between father and daughter developed differently, for example, dad was domineering, demanding, strict, then this is a different story. The girl was required to be sweet, helpful, feminine, not to show any masculine qualities, not to defend her opinion. Most often, such fathers give the installation to learn, and then successfully marry.
The relationship between father and daughter is so strong that even if a young lady starts her own business or becomes a boss, the attitude to be in a subordinate position will manifest itself in relations with her man.
After all, the chosen one is chosen on a subconscious level with the same character traits that were present in his father.
Read on the topic Life scenarios from childhood
What to do if the relationship between father and daughter is difficult and painful
An analysis of the situation will help to deal with the wrong attitudes of adult life from childhood:
- were there any problems in childhood,
- what relationship between father and daughter existed and exists,
- how the father behaved in childhood and how he is now, etc.
The best way to diagnose and solve such a problem is a psychologist. However, if you have just begun to understand the situation, you can try to figure it out on your own.
Analyze all your romantic stories: do they have something in common? If it is obvious that you are “unlucky” with men in life, you need to change your psychological attitudes. It can be difficult to do this without a specialist, because the psychology of "father-daughter" is not limited to one article or a moment of insight.
Problems that have migrated from childhood to adulthood are the deepest and most emotionally difficult. However, now you can try to change the situation.
- Start by realizing and accepting: your father was not a perfect person, you need to forgive him and stop looking for a partner who would be like him.
- Think about what traits of your father are the most difficult for you to come to terms with. Are you subconsciously looking for similar traits in other people? To do this, look at your surroundings: bosses, husband, former partners.
- Remember the difficult periods of your life, difficult conversations with your father about your choice. Did he let you make your own decisions? Did you support?
- Analyze what his words hurt you the most, and when he was the only stronghold and support for you.
The father's role in upbringing is great, but don't rush to blame him for all your problems. The father-daughter relationship is a thin thread and should be dealt with as carefully as any type of family relationship.
In order not to harm yourself or him, it is better to discuss the problem with a psychologist - this will help to more clearly show your connection and its impact on adult life.
| Did you know that your relationship with your dad influences your future life? A father plays a big role in shaping a girl's self-esteem, her outlook on the world, and how she deals with stress as she becomes an adult. That's why it's so important to build healthy relationships based on intimacy, trust, and respect. However, there are several types of fathers who can make mistakes in raising their daughter and influence her development in a not the best way. A 2016 study at the University of Cincinnati found that 80% of children who grew up with authoritarian parents have at least 5 signs of depression. Constant criticism of the father leads to low self-esteem of the daughter, which in the end can even develop into self-hatred. Date: 2019-01-31 Rating: 4 out of 5 Votes: 2 There is a possibility that astronomers have discovered a white hole that only real detectives can solve 60 amazing facts about our body that scientists recently discovered 29 useful features that are still missing in smartphones I can't guess what is hidden here. Maybe you can do it? Malyshariki - Mail for you - series 214 - Educational cartoons for kids - learning to get to know each other • Malyshariki DIANA AND GUY KIRILL OPEN BUNNY BEACH WHO WERE INVITED TO THE OPENING? • Lady Diana DIANA AGAINST BOYS IN THE VILLA WHAT DID KIRILL AND TIMUR FIGHT ABOUT? • Lady Diana Malyshariki - Grow up to the sky - series 230 - cartoons for kids - where does the rainbow come from in the sky • Malyshariki Why did the Titanic stay afloat for so long after hitting the iceberg? • Bright Side - a site about creativity Lyova the Truck and Leya are expanding the TUNNEL. • Leva the Truck ← Plank Every Day For A Month And See What Happens To Your Body 5 Simple Reasons That Prevent You From Waking Up In The Mornings → Video Reviews 1. Banana Unicorn 1. 2. Anastasia Malkova 3. Dgabi 600 4. ıBasic ANiMeı 5. Sofca YouTube    Copyright © · The Wright Initiative · Articles · Site Map 
|
Since the daughter must remain silent while her father scolds her, she may become afraid to express her emotions. - If an overprotective father does not allow his daughter to make mistakes, she does not learn from them and her experience does not increase. This leads to a lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem. - A toxic father may remain calm if the child misbehaves, but will manipulate and use the power of his words as punishment. This can manifest itself in the form of constant ridicule, criticism or hurtful jokes about the daughter. - Scientists at the University of Pennsylvania argue that the departure of the father entails huge consequences for the life of a teenager. According to their study, if a sixth grader is left behind by her father, she is more likely to have an increase in social anxiety in seventh grade, which can turn into loneliness by eighth grade. - Since the father does not set limits, the daughter's behavior gets out of control very quickly. She may begin to believe that everything should be just the way she wants.
If suddenly a strange thing happens and her father refuses her, she can lose her temper. A weak-willed father needs the approval of his daughter. - If both parents are authoritarian, the home environment can become too overwhelming for the child. Under the supervision of an authoritarian father, the daughter grows up with a fear of making mistakes and deep self-doubt. Adult behavior is always expected from a daughter in any situation. In her eyes, her father is not a source of support, but pressure. 
Educational cartoons about cars 
You will understand that you have an answer to his reproaches. It helped me personally, I wish you all good luck. 
The author should replace the Father with the parent, and the daughter with the child, since the abuse, manipulation and ridicule of the parents over the child has nothing to do with the sex of both. 
