My gf complains about everything

Girlfriend Always Complaining [Everything You Need to Know]

Everyone dreams of being in a relationship that is healthy and full of positivity. We hope our partner will be loving, caring, understanding, and supportive. We hope the relationship will make our lives more pleasant and joyful. But sometimes, things don't happen as we would like them to happen.

It is not rare to find troubled people because of certain aspects of their partner's behavior. Some find their partner's spending habits too much, some may be annoyed with their partner's laziness, and some others are frustrated with their lack of cleanliness.

One of the more common issues that trouble people in relationships is that their partners just won't stop complaining and whining, no matter what they do.

Be it about their work, their bosses, their colleagues, their friends, the breakfast they had that day, or the trash that needs to be taken out - some people just won't stop complaining.

And since you have landed on this post, I think it is safe to assume that your girlfriend is one of them as well. Dealing with people who are always focused on the negatives may leave one feeling tired and drained. So, "what can be done about it?" you may ask.

Well, the first thing you need to do is to figure out why your girlfriend is always complaining. Is it just habitual behavior? Is she under a lot of stress or frustrated? Is there something you have been ignoring? Let's try to understand why she may be behaving in such a way.

Possible reasons why your girlfriend is always complaining

You have been together with your girlfriend for quite some time. Things were going pretty well in the beginning. But after a while, you started to notice that she was always dissatisfied and discontent, and she started to complain. You love her a lot and want to be happy with her, but her behavior is taking a toll on you. You want to understand why she keeps complaining.

Here, we have listed down possible reasons why she may be behaving in such a way:

#1 It may be a habitual behavior

Some habits are hard to break. Suppose a person has been raised in a household where the family members always kept pointing out negatives in every situation and complaining about everything.

In that case, there is a high chance that the person will behave similarly and become a chronic complainer. Such behavior may also develop when people suffer continuous failures and disappointments in life.

Maybe your girlfriend's parents always complained, fought, and blamed others. Maybe she never had the chance to learn how to see the positive side of things. Maybe she is unaware of this as an issue negatively affecting her and your relationship. Or maybe she wants to be happy but cannot change her behavior and attitude no matter how hard she tries.

#2 She may be frustrated with her own issues

Maybe your girlfriend is not a chronic complainer. Maybe she is just under a lot of stress and is now frustrated. Maybe she has been having a hard time at work, maybe her new boss is very strict, and she has been continuously working overtime to meet the deadlines. Maybe one of her best friends or a close family member is very sick, which has taken a toll on her.

Often, when we are under stress, we lose our cool, and everything begins to annoy us. We may get angry at our loved ones even when they are trying to help. We may even get annoyed if the weather outside is too sunny or too cloudy and is not to our liking. If your girlfriend has been dealing with stress or workload, then this may be the reason why she is always complaining.

#3 She may be resentful towards you

It may be possible that you have hurt her in some way, leaving her resentful. Maybe she had some expectations from you and this relationship that were not fulfilled.

Maybe she expected you to understand her emotions and desires and act accordingly, but you couldn't get the hint. Or maybe you were too busy with work or other commitments and didn't give her enough attention.

Relationships take a lot of care and effort to maintain. It is quite easy to lose the spark as the relationship gets older and things get mundane. Maybe she expects you to do something to put in more effort and is disappointed with you.

If she has expressed her concerns on this topic earlier, this may be why she is constantly pissed and always complaining. Complaining may be her way of getting her frustration out.

#4 She may be seeking attention and validation

A lot of people need attention and validation from others to feel good about themselves. Growing up, most of us are not taught how to love ourselves or live for ourselves.

We often see our parents and loved ones sacrificing themselves to meet other people's expectations, which is considered a "good" trait. We learn to do the same, and as adults, it leaves us feeling drained.

We crave happiness but don't know how to provide it for ourselves. We set heavy expectations on our loved ones and want them to give us all their attention so that we can feel happy.

We want them to validate all our feelings, and if they don't, we feel disappointed, annoyed, and abandoned. At times, people may also start doing things that are negative or triggering just to get the attention of people around them.

Maybe your girlfriend is in a similar state of mind. Maybe she needs attention and validation, and since she is not satisfied with what she is getting, her frustration is finding its way out as complaints.

#5 She may have personality disorders

Many people have personality disorders of various kinds. Most of the time, they are not even aware of that. Some disorders make people very suspicious and distrustful of others.

They may become paranoid, making them complain about many big and small things. Some disorders make people impulsive, dramatic, and even provocative. They may do things just to trigger other people and get their attention.

There are also a lot of people who have a narcissistic personality disorder. Such people often make everything about themselves. They have an intense need for attention and administration. If you think your girlfriend may have a similar condition, you should talk to her and help her get guidance from a licensed professional.

#6 Her complaints may actually be legit!

There is also a possibility that her complaints are actually legit. Maybe things that don't matter to you or that you choose to ignore are things that do bother her.

Suppose she has been asking you to help her with the household chores, not leave dirty dishes in the sink or take the trash out timely, and you have been ignoring her requests; maybe she has a right to complain!

What can you do about it?

By now, you have probably figured out why your girlfriend keeps complaining and being negative about everything. So, let's take a look at things you can do to handle the situation and/or help her:

#1

Talk to her

Communication is very essential if two people want to maintain a healthy relationship. Talk to your girlfriend about your concerns. If her behavior has been taking a toll on you, let her know.

Maybe she hasn't realized that she is being very negative. Maybe it is something she grew up watching others do, so it is completely normal for her. Be gentle and compassionate and explain it to her.

Let her know what you feel, how things affect you, the relationship, and even other people around her. Make sure to avoid getting angry or frustrated while talking to her. Be loving. Let her know she can discuss her issues with you without fearing being judged.

#2 Try to understand her situation

Get her to talk. Listen to what she has to say. Maybe things are pretty tough for her, and she needs a way to vent her emotions. Maybe she is unable to handle all the stress. Maybe things have happened, and she is feeling low and a bit emotionally unstable these days. There may be many reasons why she may be behaving the way she has been.

It may also be that she is annoyed with you. She may have been hurt because of your actions, or there may be some misunderstandings between the two of you. Try to understand her side of the story and see if there is anything you can fix on your part.

#3

It may not be about you at all!

You may feel that all her complaining and whining are directed at you. But this may not be the case at all. She may just be frustrated with her work, friends, and life. Maybe she has been feeling disappointed with everything and is just projecting her emotions outwards as complaints.

If you feel that you have not done anything that would annoy her or that she has already told you that it is not about you, then maybe it isn't about you.

In that case, you may relax and stop taking all her complaints personally. Just hear her out and see if there's anything you can do. Or maybe just allow her some time, and she will cool down on her own as her frustration dies down.

#4 Ask her if there is a way you can help

Sometimes, a kind and compassionate word can leave a deep impact and change a person. If your girlfriend has had a childhood where she never got to experience the joy of looking at the positive side of things, if she has been suffering from continuous failures and disappointments in life, an affectionate word from you may mean a lot to her.

When she is complaining about things, instead of getting pissed and annoyed with her, ask her lovingly if there is anything you can do to help her. Maybe you can share her workload and provide her with some relief. Maybe you can lend an ear and listen to whatever is bothering her.

If she has complaints like you not taking the trash out or not helping her with chores, she is in the right. You may need to review your own habits and understand if you are causing her to be frustrated.

#5 Try to make your relationship fun and exciting

When we enter a relationship, everything feels happy and exciting. But as things settle down and the relationship gets older, things become dull, and the spark is lost. This may leave many people feeling like their partner has stopped caring for them or loving them. This can often make them feel discontent and frustrated.

If you feel your relationship is dull and your girlfriend keeps complaining about it, it may be a good idea to plan new things and try to make things fun. You may take her out on a surprise date, bring her flowers, go out for a movie or plan your weekends together. She may feel happier and stop complaining when she sees you putting in an effort.

#6 Replace negatives with positives

If your girlfriend is a chronic complainer, it is possible that she grew up watching people around her do the same. It may be hard for her to see the positives in a situation, and even a little issue may make her complain. Something that you can do to help change her mindset is to show her the positive side of things.

Suppose she is complaining about it being too sunny outside. You may tell her that it is a good day then to put the laundry out to dry and that you will help her with it. If she is complaining about her coworkers always burdening her with too much work, you may tell her that you understand her situation and advise her to talk to her coworkers about it.

If she says she is tired of just sitting at home, you may lovingly ask her what she wants to do! Doing this may help her see the positive side of situations and may stop her from complaining incessantly.

#7 Find reasons to be grateful

Practicing gratitude is always a good thing. We should be grateful for waking up every morning, having food to eat, clothes to wear, and family and friends. Practicing gratitude makes us see the good in our lives, and we stop focusing as much on what we don't have.

If your girlfriend is always negative and feels like nothing is going well in her life, practicing gratitude may make her realize that many good things are still happening in her life. You may choose to practice gratitude yourself, and watching you be grateful and happy may make her want to do the same!

#8 If nothing works, talk to her again

Maybe you have tried everything, and nothing seems to be working. You have tried to make her happy, share her burdens, and help her with her work and chores. You have tried to talk to her and listen to her. You have tried to use positive words and practice gratitude. But nothing you did had any impact on her behavior.

You are tired, and her constant complaining is taking a toll on your mental health. If that is the case, you must sit her down and calmly explain everything. Tell her how it is affecting you and destroying your relationship.

Tell her that you understand she is not doing it on purpose, but she needs to take note of it. You may suggest getting professional help if she says she cannot change her old habits. Be direct with her and let her know that the relationship may go downhill if things continue the way they are.

#9 If you are unable to take it anymore…

You have explained everything to her a million times. You have told her that you could not continue if she doesn't try to change her negative attitude. But she just doesn't seem to care. It is starting to affect you really badly. You cannot find peace whenever you both are together. If things have come to a point where you are not able to take it anymore, and she is not ready to change, the best thing you can do is break up and let her go.

It may hurt you, and she may try to blame you for it, but staying in a toxic relationship does no one any good.

Ways in which you can help her

You know that your girlfriend is an amazing person, and she just needs a bit of help to let go of her negative mindset. You truly want to help her but don't know what to do.

Here, we have listed down some ways in which you may help her out:

#1

Being gentle with her

If a person is already frustrated and you talk to them angrily or say things to provoke them, it will not do any good. If your girlfriend is stressed or frustrated, treating her gently and with care is most important. Your gentleness may help her calm down and pay attention to your words.

#2

Listening to her

Hold space for her and allow her to share what she is going through. Don't judge her or mock her. Don't shrug her off. Let her rant if she wants to. Maybe talking it out will help her calm down and feel better. It will also help you understand what you can do to help her out.

#3

Sharing her burdens

If she is overworked and is under a lot of pressure, helping her out with her work may make her happy. If she wants you to do some chores for her so she can take a moment off, kindly do so. Sharing her burdens may help her relax and calm down, which may stop her from complaining all the time.

#4

Making her happy

We all want to be happy in our lives. When we feel happy and joyful, even if we are faced with a troublesome situation, we handle it with a lot of positivity and grace.

You may choose to do little things for her to make her happy. Making her breakfast, buying her roses, offering to drop her to work, or picking her up after work. These things may make her feel special and happy. If she feels joyful, she would naturally complain a lot less.

#5

Helping her get professional help

If nothing is working and you feel that she may have issues requiring professional help, talk to her about it. Help her understand how her behavior is affecting not just you but her own life as well.

Help her find a trusted, licensed professional and be with her if she wants you to accompany her to visit them. There is nothing to feel awkward or ashamed about if she needs help. Be her strength.

To sum up

I hope this blog provided you with the answers you were looking for. Talk to her if your girlfriend is always complaining about everything and you are worried that her behavior is negatively impacting your relationship.

Clear communication can help resolve even the biggest of problems in relationships. There may be a variety of reasons why she is always complaining. It may be a habitual behavior, or she may be just frustrated about something.

Talking to her may help you understand the root of the problem and, thus, help resolve it. Whatever the case, make sure to take care of yourself and handle the situation with care!

Reddit - Dive into anything

Hi everyone,

My girlfriend and I have had a mostly good relationship for the last two years. However, one issue seems to crop up again and again.

She has an incredibly negative outlook on life and people. Sometimes it seems she pretty much assumes the worst about everyone and everything and seems to focus too much on negative aspects of events.

It's something I started calling "if it's not perfect it sucks" attitude.

For example: If I'm late from work (because I had more stuff to do - it happens every now and then, and it's part of the job, I'm expected to stay longer if there's work to be done - and it's considered paid overtime, so I'm not being taken advantage of here) she'll be antsy and annoyed that she had to spend an "entire hour" waiting for me. If I ask why didn't she just do something else like read, study or play a game (something she always complains she has no time for) she gets even more agitated and says she can't focus while waiting for me... yeah I know.

More recently a friend of hers invited us to go to a concert with him and later invited another person along (a girl he may or may not fancy, don't know the details). Anyway, I just listened to a tirade how it's gonna be awful now because she doesn't like strangers intruding in and that she doesn't even like people (women even more so) so she won't be able to relax... and ad nauseaum.

So... right now I'm pretty annoyed, no matter what happens if it's not "exactly" as she wants it to be she'll be pissed and annoyed and complain, loudly and with such venom it makes my skin crawl. I'm willing to say or do anything just to make her stop talking... well I guess we have a communication issue too, I didn't realize it until I wrote it down... interesting.

Additionally, she has significant skin problems and is very self conscious about it. She absolutely hates the idea of anyone knowing about it and seeing her without makeup and "all pimply". IMO it's not that bad but I understand it's a big deal for her. So I don't push when I feel like going somewhere (out to the pub or to the cinema), so we stay in very often and watch movies or tv while eating popcorn and drinking beer.

That wouldn't be a problem unto itself... except she'll frequently "explain" to me why she can't go... and her voice is sooo full of resentment and bitterness towards her appearance (the pimples) and how society is too judgy based on shallow criteria... while I don't disagree with her, her tone makes my skin crawl.

She's not always 'angry upset', sometimes she's 'sad upset' and she's either on the verge of tears or actually crying about how unfair everything is. This pretty much triggers my protective mode and I want to help and reassure her, but nothing seems to do the trick.

I really don't seem to be able to talk to her about this. I want to make her feel better about herself, I offered to help financially to get treatments or therapy... but even if she agrees (about skin care, she refuses to see a problem about the way she communicates) she never follows through.

Right now, I'm at my wits end. I love her, I want to be with her, but the way she speaks about problems, how she takes everything so personally... it makes me anxious just to talk to her.

Don't know what kind of advice I'm seeking here. Maybe I just needed to write things down and to vent a bit.

Anyway if anyone has any insight to offer, I'd be grateful.

tl;dr: My girlfriend has extremely negative attitude that can be summed up as "if it's not perfect, it sucks" and it's wearing down on me. She rebuffs my attempts to help and I think we're having a communication breakdown where I'm afraid to bring up certain topics in order to avoid the "everything is horrible" tirade or crying session!

What to do if your girlfriend is not happy with everything

Question

Hello to the tough guys from BroDude. I have been reading you for a long time: you are the key to common sense and wisdom in the desert of everyday delirium.

The question is the following: how to adequately stay in a relationship with a girl who gets irritated, whines and falls into depression literally from everything in a row - from the fact that she does not like her work, ending with the fact that she is irritated by what might pass next to her a young mother with a screaming baby in a stroller? In winter, she does not like winter, she whines and idolizes summer. She doesn't like summer in summer because of the heat. And maybe you'll say, boy, everyone has hard days. Yes, it's possible. But if such irritation does not go away for months and the frequency of lamentations about crowded streets, problems at work, heat / cold, minibuses and other things can be measured almost in hertz, this is tiring. And the problems that can cause dissatisfaction and irritation (in the face of work), which can be changed, she does not want to change, but at the same time she stubbornly suffers from this very work and says that she hates it. And that she will not change it, because she is not interested in anything.

I want to know how you see this situation and how realistic it is to be in a relationship with different views on life. Thank you.

Reply

Hello!

We read your question and the whole editorial staff almost fell into a collective depression. Patient you, of course, the guy! Yes, there are people like your girlfriend. And the gender in this case does not play a role. There are also plenty of guys with similar behavior.

But we have a question for you: how did you start dating? Didn't you immediately notice this feature of your future girlfriend? If you noticed, but continued courtship, then why are you complaining? And if not, and she was a good girl at first, then this partially sheds light on the reasons for such strange behavior.

The fact is that such people often behave in this way if there is another person next to them. Well, it makes no sense to shake the air with irritable speeches when no one hears it. And so there is you, and she charges both of you with her negativity. Therefore, let's start assessing the situation from the most banal version that can be. Your girlfriend just draws attention to herself in this way. The method, of course, is ugly, but effective. You even wrote a letter to us - you got so fed up with it. The essence of her game is simple: she complains - you calm her down. Thus, your girlfriend gets the portion of attention she needs and fills her insipid life with emotions that compensate for the lack of interest in everything else. She herself said (from your question) that she was not interested in anything. And what else is there to do for a person in whom nothing causes positive emotions? Look for negative! Any, no, but there is always a topic for conversation. And the story about the work at which everything infuriates her confirms our thought. Of course, your girlfriend does not want to leave her, because then she will lose such a powerful source of negative emotions that she hastily shares with you when she comes home.

Considering this, we repeat once again: remember how she behaved at the beginning of your relationship. If you didn’t notice such garbage behind her before, it means that she allows herself this only with close people. You are your own for her - you will forgive everything. It’s not a fact that at work she drinks the brain for everyone on every occasion, like you. Unless, of course, she works at Roskomnadzor - they are all like that there, everything infuriates them. In short, people like your girlfriend often vent their complaint only to those who listen. And you are just listening. Where will you go if you are a couple? Therefore, if until now you have reacted to all her whining, calming or indulging in a negative assessment of what is happening, we urge you to stop. Let him complain. And you keep quiet or change the topic of conversation, then she will understand that you can no longer get through with this and, perhaps, over time, she herself will stop behaving like that. By your reaction, you should point out to her the absurdity of this behavior. She does this simply because it is considered normal in your relationship paradigm.

Imagine a complete stranger who, after the first few seconds of meeting you, starts complaining to you about everything: about the weather, about the faded road markings, about the insufficiently beautiful shade of beige on that building. Will you listen to him? No, of course not, and you will most likely ask him to shut up. If you deny the acceptability of such behavior to others, then why do you allow your girlfriend to behave in such a way?

Better yet, try to behave with her the way she does. Come home one day and give an hour and a half lecture on how revolving doors in shopping malls piss you off. See if she listens or not. But don't stop there. When you go to bed, instead of having sex, invite her to discuss the inconvenience of packing packaged salt. Well, in fact, how to open it without spilling everything on the floor? There are many problems in the world: tea cools for too long, the phone charges too slowly, and then Yegor Creed released a new song. So how do you keep calm? Tell her all of this. See if she likes this model of communication. Although there is a risk that you will like it. And one day, after listening to all your complaints, she will whisper in your ear through tears of happiness: “I have been waiting for you all my life. You are the one I need." Then run, buddy.

Another reason for your girlfriend's strange behavior may be excessive nervousness. Here, as you understand, we are not doctors to give advice. The same is true for chronic depression. If you observe the medical nature of her irritability, then contact the specialists. We have not seen your girlfriend and we doubt that this is the case, but we could not help mentioning this as part of the answer to the question.

In other cases, think first of all about yourself. If a person shows by his behavior that he needs help and support, but does not accept this very help, then why do you need such hemorrhoids. Yes, we understand love and all that, but you yourself wrote to us. It means that you are not in control of the situation and it seems strange to you. People are different. There are whiners in life, melancholic or simply spoiled. Barring the medical factor, your girlfriend is most likely one of these types or all at once. What to do with it? To begin with, show her that this format of communication does not suit you. You can in plain text or, as we wrote above, the lack of response to her complaints. The main thing is that she understands. And if her behavior does not change after that, then think for yourself.

Don't waste time on people who drag you down

If a girl is a whiner: how do men treat those who constantly whine and complain | Allure

Still from the film "Stilyagi"

“And why did I go to this master's program - I don't really understand ... To work? But where? I got a job here in one place, but I didn’t like it ... They call me to another, but I don’t like it either . .. And yesterday I saw the former, and my mood completely deteriorated ... "0005

She is sitting in front of me: young, pretty, very intelligent. Sits and whines. Everything about her is bad. She is twice as young as me, but the feeling is that we have been changed in age. I have fun and interesting life, but she is no longer interested in anything. Only whining is interesting.

Girls like to whine. That is, by their very nature, they are obliged to whine for at least three days every month, and this is normal. We know this and not that we were delighted, but we tolerate it.

But I'm talking about melancholic girls, eternal sufferers, humiliated and offended. No, no one humiliates them, they just have such a stupid character. A friend of mine has a wife like that. Looks like a nice woman. But for now, he's silent. And when he starts talking - kranty. The wine is sour, it blows from the window, the husband does not earn money, winter is coming, there are no boots, the neighbors are bastards, the city is terrible, the country sucks, the planet is worthless, the galaxy is seedy, the universe is shabby . ..

She and her husband have been together for twenty years. Among ourselves, we, friends, call him a saint, we look closely to see if a halo has lit up over our heads, and we always find an excuse not to come to visit them. With a friend himself, separately, without a wife - with joy! But if he reports that she has tagged along with him: guys, nix, we scatter!

Yes, we can't stand women who whine. Attention feminists! Being weak and being a whiner are two different things. A normal weak woman does not whine, she knows how to build relationships with the world and men. Able to cunningly subjugate and steer. And the one that whines does not cause anything but the desire to pour half a liter of valerian into it and into bed. Sleep. One. A girl can even be very beautiful, with firm breasts and strong legs. But if she whines, to hell with her breasts and legs, we don't want them. By the way, I noticed that professional whiners and hair with skin are often not very good. Hands cold and flabby thighs. The whining girl wastes herself in vain, squanders herself on nonsense, on nonsense. The whiner girl loses all sexuality. Because sexuality is drive, enthusiasm, laughter. And it’s definitely impossible for a Russian girl to whine. She is the princess of the steppes, the mermaid of cold lakes, the mistress of the Copper Mountain; she has troubles - from Khabarovsk to Paris; she has passions - chickens do not peck; she has a sickle in one hand and Dior lipstick in the other. In short, Russia in general is ruled by women. Pretending they don't care. Rezvuchki are crafty. What whining?

Want to, unbearable? Go to the far corner of the cherry orchard and weep there, complain to old Firs about your fate. He's still deaf, he can't hear.

...And that poor fellow from the magistracy was whining all evening. I looked at her, bored head propped up, inserting "uh-huh." The waitress who brought us dinner was much more interesting to me. At the end, the girl said: “And this salad was not tasty .

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