Mad at everyone

Why Am I Always Angry? Causes, Signs, and More I Psych Central

Anger is a natural human emotion, but when it feels constant and unrelenting, it may be a sign of something more such as stress or anxiety.

It’s OK to get angry. Life doesn’t always happen in the way you want or need, and anger is a natural response to feeling wronged.

In fact, anger is considered one of the basic forms of emotion, critical to survival. Anger can kick off your biological threat responses, activating everything from your cardiovascular system to your neurological system.

But anger that is constant, excessive, or uncontrollable may go beyond levels that are beneficial and instead hinder you in day-to-day functioning.

There are many reasons you might experience anger in the moment, but anger all the time might have underlying causes.

On-going oppression and ancestral trauma

Tavi Hawn, a licensed clinical social worker from Baltimore, Maryland, explains that constant anger can be a result of socioeconomic factors, particularly for marginalized groups.

“Members of groups that have historically been subjected to oppression often experience higher levels of daily stress related to systemic factors, such as poverty, health conditions, discrimination, and even hate crimes,” they note. “All these daily experiences combined can lead to feeling very angry as a response.”

Grief

Hawn also indicates that active, compounded, or unresolved grief can contribute to ongoing feelings of anger.

“Our society today, with a need to be working constantly to make a living, doesn’t allow space and time for many people to grieve,” they say. “Having to keep on moving without a break to process a loss, without others around you acknowledging the loss, can create unresolved grief which can cause constant feelings of anger.”

Expectations

While there may be many underlying causes that contribute to anger, Dr. Juli Kramer, a counseling psychologist specializing in Chinese medicine, indicates that persistent anger can often be traced back to expectations.

“Holding expectations is a dominant source of anger from my counseling experience,” she says. “Sometimes the expectations are realistic, but most often not. People feel a constant ‘let down’ when those expectations aren’t met.”

Stress

Joni Ogle, a licensed clinical social worker from Los Angeles, lists several everyday reasons that can make you feel constantly angry when they happen over long periods of time.

These chronic stressors can include:

feeling not in control or helpless
being made to feel inferior
not being listened to
being disrespected
feeling threatened

“But if you find yourself angry almost always, it might be worth considering whether there are other underlying issues at play,” she says.

Anger can be passive, assertive, or aggressive. It’s not always violent, and it doesn’t have to result in harm.

Everyone experiences and expresses anger in their own way. Common signs that you may be feeling anger include:

elevated body temperature
sweating
rapid heartbeat

muscle tension
headache
flushed skin
clenched jaw
chest constriction
pacing
yelling
arguing
sarcasm
cursing
physical expression (e. g., throwing or breaking objects, physical violence)

Signs of anger may be accompanied by emotions such as:

humiliation
disrespect
insecurity
rejection
jealousy
abandonment
fear

You may also notice your thoughts move toward revenge, seeking justice, or wanting atonement.

Unrelenting anger can sometimes be a sign of a mental health condition.

While challenges with emotional regulation can be a symptom of several conditions, Ogle indicates that anger can often relate to:

anxiety disorders
depression
bipolar disorder
personality disorders
substance use disorders

Conduct disorders, such as intermittent explosive disorder (IED) and oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), may also feature traits of anger and aggression.

“If you’re living with chronic anger, it’s important to talk with a mental health professional who can help you determine whether or not you have a mental health condition that might be contributing to your anger,” she says.

While it’s natural to experience anger, uncontrolled anger can have a negative impact on your life.

“People can start to avoid us because we’re not pleasant to be around or because our anger can be stressful to others,” Hawn states. “It can make it harder to compromise on things, which is key in relationships. Explosive anger can be scary to those around us and even be tied to abusive behaviors. It can end relationships altogether.”

In addition to social ramifications, uncontrolled anger can affect your physical and mental well-being. According to research from 2010, it may contribute to health challenges such as cardiovascular complications, diabetes, and eating disorders.

Understanding “why am I so angry?” is just one piece of the puzzle. In addition to finding where that emotion comes from, relief may require coping strategies.

Discovering the real emotion

Hawn recommends reflecting back when you realize you’re stuck in angry feelings.

They suggest, “Ask yourself: Is there another emotion that happened right before the anger? If so, what led to that emotion? How can I feel and honor that emotion? If not, what message is my anger giving me? Maybe a boundary was crossed, maybe I saw someone being mistreated or hurt and know it was unjust, etc. ”

Stepping away

If you’re always feeling angry during certain events or around certain people, it’s OK to step away.

Kramer suggests that removing yourself from the situation may be required when you’re angry. “Literally, they [should] excuse themselves and walk away,” Kramer says. “Easy to say, hard to do. Having an ally, someone with whom they have a code word or cues to help them know when to leave is helpful.”

Once you’ve stepped away, Kramer suggests box breathing:

inhale for 4 to 7 counts
hold your breath for 4 to 7 counts
exhale for 4 to 7 counts
repeat until the anger is diminished

Practicing relaxation techniques

“There are several relaxation techniques that can help you calm down when you’re feeling angry,” says Ogle. “Try things such as yoga, meditation, or deep breathing exercises. This is a good start to learning how to control your anger overall.”

Lifestyle changes and outlets

Ogle indicates that some lifestyle changes can help you manage anger.

“Eating well, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly can all help to improve your mood and reduce stress levels,” she says.

Exercise, art, recreational hobbies, and sports can also be used as outlets when you find yourself wondering, “why am I so angry?”

Support

Sometimes anger requires the support and insight of a mental health professional.

Working with a therapist can help you uncover underlying causes of anger and can help you explore coping strategies that work for you.

You may also benefit from joining support groups, online or in person, where anger management strategies can be discussed in an empathetic setting.

Yes. Venting can be OK.

“It’s important to have an outlet for your anger, whether that means talking with a friend or writing in a journal,” says Ogle. “Venting allows you to express your anger in a safe and controlled way, without hurting yourself or someone else.”

But venting can be unhelpful if it’s used to lash out at or harm others, makes you feel angrier, or starts to happen as a regular method of expression.

Asking yourself, “why am I so angry” can be the first clue that your anger has stuck around longer than it should.

While there are many reasons for anger to become a constant in your life, socioeconomic factors, chronic stressors, and underlying mental health conditions may all play a role.

Long-term anger can negatively impact your mental and physical well-being, but coping strategies and support from a mental health professional can help.

Anger Management: Why It's Important and How to Do It

If your anger is resulting in negative consequences, anger management could be beneficial.

Have you ever heard the expression, “Never go to bed angry?” The saying speaks volumes on anger’s effects on your mental and physical health.

Everyone experiences challenging situations or faces frustrating conditions at times that spark anger. Although the emotion of anger is expected, and even healthy when expressed appropriately, some may experience unexpected consequences from anger if they’re unable to control it.

Anger management strategies can help people express their anger in healthier ways. The purpose of anger management isn’t to suppress anger but to channel it in nonviolent and unthreatening ways.

Anger is a common emotion felt in response to stress. Many triggers can elicit an angry reaction, including:

people
events
situations
memories

When your brain experiences anger, the body responds by increasing your blood pressure and heart rate. You may see a rise in hormone levels, leading to an unexpected gust of energy. The extra boost is why you often see some people act aggressively when angry.

Do men and women express anger differently?

A 2018 study found that women and men tend to respond differently to feelings of anger. When anger turns into aggression, women tend to react indirectly. For example, they are more likely to spread rumors or hold a grudge.

It’s important to note that research does not suggest men are more likely to behave violently just because they tend to express their anger through more assertive means than women.

This contrast is likely a result of the hormonal differences between the two sexes, according to the study. For example, men on average have higher testosterone levels than women, and studies have linked testosterone to greater feelings of anger (but not aggression).

Anger isn’t considered a mental illness. However, a 2016 study demonstrated anger is a crucial characteristic of other conditions, such as intermittent explosive disorder (IED) and borderline personality disorder.

Anger management works to reduce your anger and its effects on the body. If you feel your anger is getting a bit out of control, it may be time to consider anger management.

“Out of control” can mean:

yelling or screaming
cursing
throwing items
punching walls
slamming doors
using violence
self-harm

Anger Management Counseling

Anger management is a course led by a teacher and spans its material across sessions. The number of sessions and exact curriculum varies depending on the school or company, but the ideas and soft skills taught are similar.

A recent study looked at how effective an anger management program can be for a group of women prisoners. Experts identified 165 prisoners who showed high aggression and placed them through anger management training.

The classes reviewed the following:

symptoms of anger, aggression, and rage
causes of anger
how to identify differences and similarities in their anger compared with others
how to identify your anger triggers
how negative thoughts impact anger
redirect thinking from negative to positive
relaxation, exercise, and deep breathing
problem-solving skills
effects of anger on mental health
effects of anger on loved ones

In the end, the data showed a significant decrease in the women’s levels of aggression.

A formal anger management program isn’t the only option for treating uncontrolled rage. Some other tips and tricks may be just as practical.

Breathing exercises

Deep breathing exercises are a great way to reduce your stress levels and reset.

When you stop and take some deep and controlled breaths, you calm your mind. When the mind becomes calm, your body tends to follow suit. Next, the blood pressure and heart rate slow, leading to relaxation.

Guided imagery

A voice or prompt takes you through visualization exercises to relax the muscles and settle the mind in guided imagery.

Going through repetitive visual exercises can help relieve stress, but it can also help achieve life goals and aspirations. When you visualize the steps in front of you, you can train the mind to follow them.

Pep talks

Some of the best conversations one can have are with themselves.

When you feel angry, consider slowly repeating words or phrases such as “relax” or “just breathe.” Doing this while taking slow deep breaths can help you calm the muscles and reset.

Exercise

A fast cardio workout might help with stress. But when the goal is to slow your feelings of anger, a better choice may be a less strenuous workout.

Some great exercises to help calm emotions of rage include:

yoga
walking
swimming
stretching
tai chi
Pilates

Consider limiting social media

For some, social media can elicit strong reactions, including anxiety, jealousy, anger, and more.

For the most part, people have little control over what content they see when using social media. It’s easy to encounter a post or photo that stirs up feelings of anger (e.g., frustrating political posts, pictures posted by an ex, a picture of an event you weren’t invited to, etc.).

Taking a break from social media and news outlets, or limiting your time, can help lower your frustration levels. You could also delete or mute followers who affect your mood negatively.

Try following a daily routine

A daily routine can increase your feelings of control. This way, there’s less opportunity to be caught off guard, reducing anger triggers.

When crafting a daily routine, consider creating meal plans, scheduling workouts, and setting a sleep schedule. A healthful diet, regular exercise, and high sleep quality can be a great recipe for an elevated mood and a clear mind.

You may want to see a therapist

Visiting a therapist who specializes in anger management can be effective.

The American Psychological Association estimates that 75% of those who seek anger management therapy see an improvement in their symptoms.

One way therapists help with anger issues is by exploring imaginary events with their clients that provoke anger. When given an opportunity to self-monitor their rage, the client next practices different coping methods.

Controlling anger can be essential for living a healthier and happier life. According to a 2015 study in western cultures, anger expression has long-term negative effects on heart health.

Pretending you’re not angry or ignoring your feelings can strain the brain and body. Learning to manage your anger will boost your mood, lessen the stress on the body, and help you maintain healthy relationships.

You could temporarily manage your anger issues by avoiding specific situations or not speaking to a particular person. But you can take control of your emotions by prioritizing anger management.

If you’d like to speak with a professional, you can use an online locator to find a therapist who specializes in anger management. You can also check out teletherapy apps like Better Help that offer anger management therapy via smartphone or computer.

It’s OK to feel angry and frustrated sometimes. When you acknowledge your feelings, you can develop strategies to reduce the stress and regulate your reaction. By prioritizing anger management, you may be able to improve your well-being, your health, and your relationships all at once.

Why being angry is normal and even useful: advice from a psychologist

Being angry is normal. It is this feeling that makes us change the established order of things. If emotions, especially such as aggression and anger, do not go out, but remain inside, a person can get used to them and, as a result, live in stress, blaming everything on work or workload. Natalia Salfetnikova, a psychologist at the Izmailovo Family Center of the Department of Labor and Social Protection of the Population of the City of Moscow, spoke about this in more detail.

Understand the cause of anger

It is important to understand what caused the anger. The subject of aggression is often displaced, and many times you will have to ask yourself the questions “What makes me angry about this? What and who am I really angry at?” to find the final answer. Anger is often personal.

When the real object of anger is found, the question arises of what to do - but rather not with anger, but with violation of boundaries, threat or discomfort, which generate anger as a defensive reaction.

Listen to yourself and your feelings — perhaps it is anger that will become the impetus that will help you understand what situations in your life you should pay attention to and where changes are needed.

To show feelings

The Nikulin family turned to the Izmailovo family center. Their 5-year-old son began to show aggression towards his 3-year-old sister: taking away things, pushing, yelling at her. Previously, parents did not notice this, and therefore they were very worried. After all, in their words, they love children equally, and the kids have an equal amount of toys.

After talking with the parents, the psychologist also talked to the boy. It turned out that the child was worried that his father considered him already an adult, and the baby lacked paternal attention and love. The boy was under stress, and he could only take it out on his little sister.

After a consultation with a psychologist, the parents reconsidered their views on communication with children. Dad began to show care and attention to his son. Instead of "high five like a man," he came up and hugged the boy. The child felt better, as he began to feel the love of his father.

« The worst thing for a child is the loss of parental love and neglect. Often children break something, scream or disobey, not because they are so angry, but because they need your attention. It’s better for mom and dad to scold me than not to notice at all - that’s the thought that provokes them to bad behavior. Your love and attention is a huge resource and value for children. Love your child, help him recognize his feelings, support him , - says Natalia.

Why being angry is good for you

Taking your anger out is a great way to calm down.
When we get angry, our body experiences stress. When the body is under stress, we begin to get angry and want to cope with our negative state more strongly. The manifestation of anger gives us relaxation and allows us to put our nerves in order.
Displacement of aggression helps to increase productivity.
Sometimes a moderate display of anger is appropriate in the work process. This is how you make it clear to partners and colleagues that certain problems are more important and require a quick solution.
Anger helps to achieve goals.
We get angry when we don't get what we really want. Anger shows what goals and objectives are important to us. He also gives energy to overcome obstacles and achieve what you want.
Regular manifestation of negative emotions helps to avoid a nervous breakdown.
Anger is often followed by irritation. The bottom line is that people quit jobs they don’t like, end toxic relationships, finally move out of their parents and do a lot of other things that they wouldn’t dare to do in a calm state. And thanks to this, we manage to avoid the onset of a nervous breakdown.
Anger allows you to understand that something is wrong.
If you are literally “covered”, then even if the mind has not yet had time to process the information, you clearly understand: you have been offended, humiliated, in a word, acted unacceptably from your point of view.

If you need help

On the basis of the capital's family centers, you can get individual advice from professional psychologists and specialists on all issues related to building parent-child relationships in the family, as well as the development of emotional regulation in children and adults.

Source

Press Service of the Department of Labor and Social Protection of the Population of Moscow

5 reasons for our anger | PSYCHOLOGIES

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Know yourselfListen to your bodyA person among people

There is no such person who would never be angry with another. We are also on the other side of the barricades: we feel anger on ourselves from other people. This feeling arises when one person experiences discontent arising from resentment.

Anger can be short-term, or it can last a lifetime. And this is a very painful feeling, primarily because we cannot always explain its cause. In addition, anger often leads to the destruction of important relationships.

Some people get angry more often due to temperament and inability to behave in a conflict situation. Many people find it difficult to discuss their feelings with those they are angry with, and we just keep quiet about it. Sometimes we even forget what upset us, but we always remember how we felt. There can be many reasons for anger.

1. Misunderstandings and false suspicions

Sometimes it seems to us that someone wishes us harm, although in fact this is not so. If this misunderstanding is not cleared up right away, there may be a feeling that everyone around wishes us harm. We get offended by people who have nothing bad in mind, and we begin to get angry.

2. Unrealistic expectations

We often expect too much from other people. And if they do not live up to our expectations, we are offended, upset and disappointed. Magnanimous people think too well of others and suffer when they are not what they imagined. If you are always ready to help, you may be offended that people do not pay you the same.

3. Feeling abandoned

There are many varieties of this cause: you feel used, ignored and betrayed. You call a friend, and he answers when he needs something from you. You are not invited to a corporate event. Being invisible and even invisible to others is unpleasant.

But perhaps the people you resent are in the grip of false beliefs. For example, co-workers sincerely believe that you don't like parties and decline the invitation anyway. And your friend might be really busy. That is, your anger can be provoked by several reasons at the same time.

4. Reaching the limit

Communication with some people hurts us, and sooner or later the limit comes - we no longer want and cannot tolerate it. This happens in the relationship of spouses and couples in love, when one person says: "That's it, I've had enough." Sometimes people say that they no longer have the strength to endure their partner's behavior. They feel empty and depleted.

5. Envy

When relationships deteriorate and discontent rises, envy enters the scene. It would seem that we should rejoice in the successes of loved ones. But for many of us, this is a difficult task.

Sadly, sometimes it is easier to help a person who is suffering than to share the joy with someone who achieves the goal. This is due to our internal problems, and most often it is a matter of low self-esteem.

Think about why you are angry. Think about which of the following reasons affect your life? Understanding the cause will be the first step to getting rid of the destructive feeling of anger.

Learn more