Does sex mean anything to guys

18 Secrets Guys Wish You Knew

Medically Reviewed by Poonam Sachdev on June 26, 2022

Was your guy raised as a traditional, stoic, man's man? If so, let WebMD walk you through 18 relationship secrets, gathered from psychologists who study gender roles. Secret No. 1: It may be easier for your man to talk about feelings indirectly. Ask what they'd do during a romantic weekend. Or what they thought the first time they met you. Their answers will reveal how they feel and bring you closer.

Some men prefer to show their feelings through actions rather than words. Your guy may say "I love you" by fixing things around the house, tidying up the yard, or even taking out the trash -- anything that makes your world a better place.

Men have a reputation for being afraid to commit. But the evidence suggests men take marriage seriously. They may take longer to commit because they want to make sure they are onboard for good. In a survey of currently married men, 90% say they would marry the same woman again.

When you're listening to someone talk, you probably chime in with a "yes" or "I see" every now and then. It's your way of saying, "I'm listening." But some guys don't do this. Just because a man isn't saying anything doesn't mean they are not listening. They may prefer to listen quietly and think about what you're saying.

Men strengthen their relationships with their partners through doing things together, more than by sharing thoughts or feelings. For many men, activities like sports and sex make them feel closer to their partner.

While shared activities are important, men also need time for themselves. Whether your guy enjoys golf, gardening, or working out at the gym, encourage them to pursue their hobbies, while you make time for your own. When both partners have space to nurture their individuality, they have more to give to each other.

If you want to know how a man will act in a relationship, get to know their dad. How they are with each other and how the father relates to their own partner can predict how a man will relate to their wife.

Women tend to remember negative experiences longer and may have lingering feelings of stress, anxiety, or sadness. In contrast, men are less likely to dwell on unpleasant events and tend to move on more quickly. So while you may still want to talk about last night's argument, your guy may have already forgotten about it.

Men are more likely to miss subtle signals like tone of voice or facial expressions. And they are especially likely to miss sadness on a woman's face. If you want to make sure your guy gets the message, be direct.

Showing appreciation for your guy can make a big difference in the way they act. Take parenting: Studies show that fathers are more involved in care-giving when their wives value their involvement and see them as competent.

OK, so maybe this one is no secret. Most men under age 60 think about sex at least once a day, compared with only a quarter of women. And that's not all. Men fantasize about sex nearly twice as often as women do, and their fantasies are much more varied. They also think more about casual sex than women do. But thinking is not the same as doing.

It's a myth that most men think sex is just sex. For many, sex is a very important act between two committed people. And just like most women, men find sexual intimacy to be most satisfying within a committed relationship. One reason is that long-term partners know how to please one another better than strangers do.

Most guys feel as though they're the ones who always initiate sex. But they also like to be pursued and wish their partner would take the lead more often. Don't be shy about letting your guy know you're in the mood. Initiating sex some of the time may lead to a higher level of satisfaction for both of you.

Men, much to many women's surprise, aren't always in the mood for sex. Just like women, men are often stressed by the demands of work, family, and paying the bills. And stress is a big libido crusher. When a guy says, "not tonight," it doesn't mean they have lost interest in you. They just mean they don't want to have sex right then.

Your pleasure is important to your man. But they won't know what you want unless you tell them. Too many women feel uncomfortable talking about what they like and don't like. If you can tell them clearly in a way that doesn't bruise their ego, they'll listen. Because they know they'll feel good if you feel good.

Most men get performance anxiety on occasion, especially as they age. Your guy may worry about their body, technique, and stamina. If you can help them learn to relax and stay focused on the pleasures of the moment, sex will become less stressful.

If a man doesn't feel loved and appreciated in their relationship, they may turn elsewhere for satisfaction. For one man, that may mean burying themselves in work. Another may develop a fixation on sports or video games. And some men cheat. To avoid this, partners need to work together to meet each other's needs.

Most men realize there's a lot to lose if a long-term relationship goes sour -- not just each other's company, but the entire life you've built together. If you're willing to work to strengthen your marriage, chances are your man will be, too.

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SOURCES:

American Psychological Association: "APA's 2007 Annual Convention: What Men Want," "Keeping Them Hooked In," "Fatherhood Balancing Act Takes a Toll on Men's Health. "
Chapman, G. The 5 Love Languages, Moody, 2010.
Edward O. Laumann, PhD, professor of sociology, University of Chicago; lead author, The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States.
Maltz, D. and Borker, R. "A Cultural Approach to Male-Female Miscommunication," in A Cultural Approach to Interpersonal Communication, Blackwell Publishing, 2007.
NICHD Early Child Care Research Network. Journal of Family Psychology, 2000; vol 14: pp 200-219.
Steven Nock, professor of sociology, University of Virginia; author Marriage in Men's Lives.
Oregon Counseling: "Understanding the Difference Between Men and Women."
UUWorld.org: "How Husbands Say I Love You."

What Men are Communicating Through Sex

Do men bond with their partners during sex? Does sex mean something different to a man in love or in a relationship?

Pick any comedy that includes sex and you might’ve noticed how many wrong signals continue to circulate. Men are portrayed as hyper-sex-focused, tripping over their own impulses and hormonal bodies in the bawdy pursuit of the women they want to sleep with.

We all know these stereotypes about what sex means to men, but how much of it is real? What does sex really mean for men and what role does love play in that? Here’s what the research says.

You may have heard that men are visual, aroused by viewing erotic images, while women take an emotional approach to arousal.

But is that actually true?

Today, we understand that human sexuality is wide and diverse — and it’s not simply gender-defined.

Not everyone desires sex, regardless of their gender, and when some of us do, libido isn’t always the same.

Some people just don’t enjoy sex, or they experience only sexual attraction and sexual desire toward folks they already have a close emotional connection with.

A 2019 metanalysis found that nervous system responses to sexual and erotic images weren’t tied to the biological sex assigned to participants at birth. In other words, a man’s brain didn’t have a stronger reaction to erotic images than a woman’s.

That same review, though, did find that sexual images can jump-start activity in the brain.

Participants’ brain activity was tracked while viewing neutral, then sexual images. In most participants, when sexual material was shown to them, several regions of the brain became more active.

One unique difference in male participants was that their brain activity and physiological responses became less intense after repeated exposure to erotic images.

Simply put, the most intense sexual desire for men might be rooted in new sexual images or fresh experiences with new partners.

A 2001 research review combining the results of 150 studies did find that:

men had more sexual thoughts, fantasies, and spontaneous arousal
desired frequency for sex was higher in men
men masturbated more frequently
men were more likely to initiate sex more often

Helen Fisher is an author, human behavior researcher, and anthropologist. She describes human romantic relationships in three stages:

Lust. This stage is dominated by the physical act of sex, sexual gratification, and casual sex.
Attraction. Your attention is directed toward your potential partner and spending time with that specific person begins to be your primary focus.
Attachment. You and your partner form bonds and commit to each other in a way that provides calm and comfort.

Within these three stages, the brain starts releasing hormones to reward you as you move through each stage.

The lust stage is marked by increased levels of testosterone and estrogen to drive sexual desire and sexual satisfaction. In this stage, sex is the goal, and testosterone and estrogen are the drivers in moving two people toward that goal.

The attraction stage is when chemical brain messengers (neurotransmitters) dopamine and norepinephrine start to spike in the brain. These two hormones are tied to feeling good and stimulate the reward system in your brain.

The surge of good feelings is why your partner makes you smile when you think about them.

The role of sex changes in this stage too for men and women. Sex is no longer the goal but is one of the ways your partner boosts your feel-good hormones. Initial bonds are easily formed in this stage because more aspects of your partner’s persona become, in a way, your own personal dopamine injection.

The attachment phase is where increased levels of oxytocin and vasopressin are seen. These hormones are the ones that help you feel calm, comforted, and bonded to your partner. This stage can also be seen as settling down and finding solace and support in your partner.

Fisher’s research also finds that both men and women go through these stages, suggesting that their approaches to love and sex are very similar.

“Love and sexual arousal are typically (by most studies) indistinguishable in the brain,” explains Dr. Nicole Prause, a licensed psychologist, and neuroscientist in Sacramento, California. “This is an uncomfortable research result because we have social pressures to understand love as ‘more serious’ and sexual arousal as overwrought or even base.”

But love is still something that people feel and experience, even if it can’t always be physically measured.

Prause explains, “Interestingly, both men and women rate sex with love feelings as more sexually satisfying on average.” While sexual desire may not be as intense as a couple moves into the attraction stage, having more meaningful sex (and dopamine-charged) becomes much more satisfying.”

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It’s difficult to draw broad generalizations about what sex means for men because people are all different.

However, sometimes sex could mean the following for some men:

Sex as affirmation

When a man has sex with another person, it could be more about him than the other person sometimes.

“For some men, sex is an affirmation of how good-looking they are — if they’re having sex with someone they perceive as better looking than them, for example,” explains Amanda Pasciucco, a certified sex therapist.

Sex for affirmation or “conquest” generally will occur during the lust stage if he has a specific need to feel affirmed in his attractiveness, desirability, or stamina.

Sex as comfort and connection

“Men generally perceive partnered sex as a way to connect,” explains Pasciucco. “Whereas women perceive emotional conversation as a way to open up their willingness to desire.”

In other words, a man’s desire to have sex with his partner may come from a desire to connect with them on a deeper level during the attraction and attachment stages.

Sexual infidelity

When a man is unfaithful to his partner, many of the reasons why he might cheat can tie back to wanting to restart a relationship in the lust phase, where passion is high and sex is new and uncomplicated.

“People having sex outside of monogamy is rarely predicted by low sexual satisfaction with the current partner,” Prause says.

“People who have outside sex partners probably were likely to engage in those behaviors given the opportunity, but not everyone who is prone to those activities gets the opportunity. In fact, research has suggested that monogamy isn’t harder for men than it is for women — the reverse might actually be true.

The only reason we think men struggle more with monogamy is because, culturally and historically, it has been more acceptable for men to seek out and act on a desire for more sexual variety.

Sex experts, and people more generally, used to confidently assert that men and women had different sexual natures, so sex meant different things to them.

Of late, this view is being questioned, though, as our understanding of sexual desire evolves. As a result, sex can mean different things to different people, regardless of their gender.

Someone looking for a quick hookup might be looking for affirmation, while a long-term monogamous couple might find great comfort and connection still being intimate after all those years.

Because humans are complex creatures, sex can never truly be without meaning because there is always purpose and drive behind it. So what does sex mean to a man? The only honest answer is, it means something to him — but what it means will depend on who he is and what stage of his relationship he is in.

How men actually perceive sex

January 21, 2018 Sex

Lifehacker has already published an article by sexologist Laurie Watson about women's perception of sex. The time has come for men: what do they think about intimacy and how they perceive it.

Laurie Watson

Sexologist and family therapist, blogger, author of Wanting Sex Again: How to Rediscover Your Desire and Heal a Sexless Marriage.

During my work as a sex therapist, I have listened to thousands of men talk about their sexual feelings, fantasies and intimate life. Of course, I do not know what it is like to be a man, but I had the opportunity to get an idea of \u200b\u200bthe male perception of sex. Here are some of the most common places.

1. Sex begins in the body

If a woman's desire can be caused by fantasies or emotions, then a man's desire is predominantly physical.

The reason is the high level of testosterone, which is responsible for arousal.

And it's not just about young men: the body of an adult man will instantly react to the sight of a naked woman (wife or partner) coming out of the shower.

2. Sex is hunger

For men, the desire for sex is like cravings for sweets. They perceive every sexual episode as an opportunity for unexpected gastronomic pleasure, so their brain is always delighted with the thought of a new experiment. Sweet almost never bothers, but without dessert, the day is not so good.

3. Sex is energy

For a man, sexuality fills relationships with potential and excitement. Sex gives him the drive and energy to achieve his goals (and his partner). He also helps to survive the daily routine, promising a reward at the end of the day.

4. Sex is an excitement

For men, sex is the most exciting adventure and the surest way to get pleasure. Therefore, every moment of flirting, every smile, sexual figure or image is a blow to the male brain: he is delighted at the mere hint of something related to sex.

5. Sex is love

The release of sexual energy makes men feel like they are finally home. Sex for them is a manifestation of love, care, support, so necessary after constant battles and problems in the outside world.

While men are often accused of wanting “just sex,” most perceive intimacy as an emotional connection, not just a physical one.

For all these reasons, sex is a way for men to strengthen their attachment.

6. Sex is a way to give love

There is a stereotype that men are selfish in bed, but in fact, many of them want to give their partners the same pleasure that they get themselves. They often think and ask how to please a girl. And all this is nothing but a manifestation of their love.

In conclusion

Many women, for security reasons, prefer to enter into an emotional relationship first, and then a physical one. For men, it's exactly the opposite: they'd rather start with sex so they don't feel emotionally vulnerable. But ultimately, a male sex drive is a good sign in a relationship and another way to show love.

How to understand that a man only wants sex from you

Your best time with him is sex

When you remember how good it was for you together, it is always about some intimate moments. For example, you mentally return to that great sex marathon that you had last weekend. Or you really liked the way he gave the massage this morning. But it’s not immediately possible to remember something non-sexual. For example, when you went (and whether you went at all) to the cinema not on the last row. Because the movie is really interesting.

He is only interested in the process

He ignores your desires. You always do what pleases him. And if he doesn't like long foreplay, then you have little chance of ever getting one.

All your conversations are usually about sex

If he starts or ends your every conversation with phrases about sex, then this is probably what he needs from you most of all now. Yes, when you meet, you can talk about more than just that. But if your correspondence is becoming more and more like erotic fanfiction, then this is another reason to think.

He only texts when he wants to have fun

Think about when he usually texts you first. What day of the week is this? What time of day? And most importantly, what kind of messages do you get from him? A man who only wants sex will not be interested in how your day or week went. He is more likely to immediately ask what you do and where you are. And then he will by all means persuade you to come to him. After all, it’s so much fun here and he would so want you to be around at this moment. And it's okay that it's one in the morning and you actually slept.

Your dates are most often at home

Or where you can quickly leave. And from the activities, he would rather offer you to watch a movie at home than go to a new exhibition. Because the film can always be paused, but where to find a secluded place for solitude in the museum is a more difficult question. Yes, spending time at home is also good. But if you can count on your fingers the cases when you got out somewhere, then we have bad news for you.

He does not introduce you to his surroundings

And he's masterful at coming up with excuses why it can't happen today either. Either all his friends left the city at once, or they are just very busy. And today, in general, football and you definitely can’t get them anywhere. If he continues to hinder your attempts to meet his friends, then it's worth considering if you're dating at all. Because getting to know each other's loved ones is something that all couples do at some point.

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