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How To Spot A Love Addict — The Revived Couple Podcast Ep. 81 — Michael & Laura LaRocque

Laura LaRocque

Laura LaRocque

Sherry Gaba is a licensed psychotherapist and life coach who helps people cope with codependency, love addiction, toxic relationships, and mental health issues. She is a single mother and once her daughter was old enough she made the decision to go back to school to receive her Masters of Social Work from the University of Southern California. Among her many accolades, she’s also a leading expert on addiction and recovery and has appeared on TV shows like Vh2’s Celebrity Rehab, Inside Edition, and has also been featured in publications like Cosmo and Women’s Health (just to name a few!)

We are so excited to have her on the show today to talk all about toxic relationships, love addiction, and codependency. We’re diving into the top things that define a toxic relationship, what it means to “love bomb” someone, and how to know whether you might be a love addict. This is a must listen for anyone in a relationship!

TIME STAMPS:

All about Sherry’s story and how she came to do the work she does. [3:35]

What love addiction can look like. [8:50]

The signs of being in a toxic relationship. [9:45]

The different types of trauma. [15:00]

What it means to love bomb someone. [21:10]

The difference between a narcissist and an addict. [25:35]

TAKEAWAYS:

  • You should not have to give up parts of yourself in a relationship.

  • Don’t settle.

  • Know the signs of a toxic relationship.

  • Work out your issues.

  • Don’t feel ashamed of your journey.

QUOTES:

“You know you’re in a toxic relationship when you give up parts of yourself.” - Sherry Gaba

“When you’re desperate for attention you’re going to end up settling a lot. ” - Sherry Gaba

"A love addict is often a codependent but you can be a codependent without being a love addict.” - Sherry Gaba

“The highest proportion of people that end up in toxic relationships usually have some issues that have not been worked out.” - Sherry Gaba

“If you ask me why I do what I do, it’s to take away the shame.” - Sherry Gaba

INTERESTING CLIPS:

[4:55 - 5:50] The reasons we make the choices that we do.

[11:30 - 11:40] Attracting narcissism as a love addict.

[20:40 - 21:00] The pitfalls of personal development.

RESOURCES:

  • Sherry Gaba: Website | Facebook | Instagram | Podcast

  • Narcissistic Partners and Obsessive Love eBook & Quiz

  • Love Smacked, How to Stop the Cycle of Relationship Addiction and Codependency to Find Everlasting Love by Sherry Gaba

  • Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie

  • CoDa. org

  • Safe & Wild 6 Week Course: Safe & Wild

  • FREE Communication Mini-Course: Say What You Need to Say

Connect with us: Revived Couple | Instagram | Facebook | YouTube

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Laura LaRocque

Tagged: love, marriage, relationships

Laura LaRocque

Signs of an Unhealthy Love Addiction — Red Flags to Look Out For

Marni welcomes the foremost expert in unhealthy love addiction, Sherry Gaba to the podcast. Sherry is a licensed psychotherapist, life coach, and author who helps women cope with codependency, love addiction, toxic relationships, and all the mental health issues that go with it. Sherry has been featured on Vh2 Celebrity Rehab, CNN, Inside Edition, and in Cosmopolitan and the LA Times. Her podcast, The Love Fix focuses on key learnings from her book, Love Smacked.

 

Key takeaways from this episode:

 

  • Signs of love addiction and obsessive love

  • Three types of trauma bonding in relationships

  • Why we attract toxic relationships

  • How to break free from the cycle of love addiction

  • Being vulnerable to love bombers and predators

 

Am I Addicted to Love? [2:15]

 

Sherry shares the common signs and symptoms of love addiction. It is a lifestyle process addiction that has the same mood-altering effects as a physical addiction with withdrawal symptoms. If there is a break up it can feel as difficult as overcoming an addiction to drugs.

 

Many love addicts suffer from severe abandonment issues. They will turn themselves into a pretzel to do the bidding of the people they believe they love because they can't stand to be alone.

 

How do you know if you are in a toxic relationship? Sherry says the telltale signs are: If you are walking on eggshells, craving their attention and validation, giving up who you are to please them, or second-guessing yourself because of something they tell you. You need to resolve some childhood trauma.

 

Love-Bombing and Devaluing [8:14]

 

Sherry describes love bombing as over-the-top courting and lavish gift-giving. Someone who is love bombing you will say your relationship is fated and that you are soul mates. They want to suck you in right away.

 

The biggest hallmark of love bombers shows up when the other person tries to set a boundary and they won't have it. Someone who legitimately cares will respect your boundaries.

 

Codependent love addicts are prone to accepting a tsunami of affection because they need validation, and they want to be loved and needed. Sherry says we seek out people that fit into our unresolved childhood traumas.

 

Trauma Bonding & How to Have Healthy Relationships [22:18]

 

People get into toxic relationships for a myriad of reasons but a common theme is they feel bonded by trauma. The push and pull of the cycle of love-bombing can feel like trying to get a parent’s attention as a child. Sherry says there is no shame in feeling the way we do. The important thing is that we realize what is happening, get out of the relationship, and find a therapist to help us through our traumas.

 

To meet someone with a mature attachment style we need to be working toward our mature attraction style.

 

When we find ourselves in a relationship and a guy suddenly bows out, or doesn’t stay for the long term it could be because he realizes he can’t meet our unhealthy needs.

 

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Love Smacked: How to Stop the Cycle of Relationship Addiction and Codependency to find Everlasting Love

Wake Up Recovery for Toxic Relationships, Codependency and Love Addiction

 

13 signs of love addiction | PSYCHOLOGIES

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Relationship CrisisMan and Woman Practices how to

Love addicts differ from healthy people in that they are unable to go beyond the first strong love, passion and attraction. “Addiction requires constant stimulation of the brain’s “pleasure center” (associated with feelings of love and being in love), so they constantly start new and new relationships, forgetting about everything except the new object of love,” explains family therapist Gianni Adamo.

Sex addiction occurs in much the same way — those who suffer from it also need constant stimulation of the “pleasure center” of the brain, which they receive through sexual relations and fantasies. Some people suffer from both types of addiction at the same time. They fall in love easily but find it difficult to maintain a healthy relationship. In order not to crash the "ship of love" on the reefs, getting entangled in a relationship with a love addict, remember these 13 possible signs of a love addiction.

Signs of a love addict

  1. Continually enters into new relationships that do not last long (from 3 to 24 months).

  2. All the time looking for "the one" or "the one".

  3. Develops strategies to find, seduce and retain new partners.

  4. Holds a partner through sex, seduction, manipulation.

  5. Constantly yearns to be the object of special attention, hunts for strong sensations.

  6. He cannot be alone for a long time - it is unbearable for him.

  7. Desperately tries to please a partner, afraid of being abandoned or abandoned.

  8. Chooses partners who are emotionally unavailable, married, or abusive.

  9. Gives up his friends and interests for a new love.

  10. When not in a relationship, tries to escape feelings of loneliness through sex, masturbation or fantasies. Sometimes in this way he avoids relationships.

  11. Constantly revisiting relationships that hurt or got out of control in the past.

  12. Leads a risky sex life without thinking about the possible consequences (sexually transmitted diseases, unplanned pregnancy, risk of rape).

  13. Unable to maintain close relationships for a long time. When the novelty wears off, he becomes bored or afraid of being trapped in a long-term relationship with the wrong person. As a result, he emotionally moves away from his partner or repels him with scandals.

How to get rid of love addiction?

Being in love is a wonderful feeling, but too much love can also be a sign of spiritual trouble. “Those who are addicted to love or sex look for the source of happiness not in themselves, but in the outside world. The first important step in treating any addiction is to stop denying the problem and admit that life has become unmanageable,” says Gianni Adamo.

Psychotherapy and anonymous support groups can help with treatment. Addictions often develop as a result of childhood trauma associated with attachment or sexual abuse. If you've started dating a new partner and suspect that he or she is a love addict, it's best to try to find someone else who is ready and capable of a long-term relationship and true love.

If you still want to try to save this relationship, try talking frankly with your partner and see if he is ready to solve his problems. Successful and lasting relationships and marriages require conscious effort from both partners.

minimalistic notepad

Getting rid of love addiction, like any other addiction, is a long and complicated, but necessary process. Keeping a personal diary will help you keep track of strong feelings that arise - anxiety and fear, and stop them in time without rushing into a dependent relationship.

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Text: Nikolai Protsenko Photo source: Getty Images

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