Letting yourself be loved
How to Open Yourself Up and Let Love In
On some level, we all fear being hurt emotionally. This can sometimes cause us to avoid situations that have any potential for leading to a painful outcome. But this is an example of playing things too safe.
It’s difficult to experience all of life’s pleasures if we’re afraid to risk trying them out. This is why it is so important to remain open to new experiences, be brave, and let our guard down.
Why We Are Afraid to Let Love In
We may put up a wall at first place because we have worries or fears about love and closeness, or ultimately getting hurt or abandoned. One of the biggest factors that get in our way of experiencing love fully and euphorically is our fear of vulnerability. We perceive vulnerability to be a “weakness” or flaw in our character, but it is quite the contrary.
A vulnerable person is a strong and generally happy person who allows themselves to be open so that they can love fully and most importantly, accept love fully. Yes, you have a risk of getting hurt, but you have a risk of getting hurt either way it goes.
Why not hurt while having loved happily and deeply rather than being hurt while having not had much of any of it? Also, it is those people who are brave enough to be vulnerable and open themselves to love that when they do get hurt, heal much quicker.
While there are certainly people out there who will be hurtful and insensitive, there are just as many who will actually be caring and considerate, and improve our lives. It’s not fair to us or to them that they are kept out because of the actions of others.
If we make a plan and plant our feet, we can let the right people in and have the fulfilling relationships we yearn for naturally.
Here are a few ways to open yourself up and let love in.
#1) List Your Fears
Knowing exactly what we don’t want can be a great way to get what we do want by being able to recognize when we shouldn’t settle. The key here is not to write out your fears so that you can keep them at the forefront of your mind, but to recognize them in ways to challenge the validity while finding ways to let them go.
Fear is a powerful emotion in that it creates far quicker than any other human emotion out there. If we stay focused on our fears, we attract more of the things that we fear into our lives. A great way to combat the level to which your mind keeps something you are afraid of at its forefront would be to list the fears, cross them out one by one, and then replace them with someone that you want and desire in your life.
Related: What Is Love & How Can You Keep It Alive?
#2) List Your Goals
Once you have crossed out your fears, begin to keep your mind’s focus on what you do want in your life. Therefore, a list of things that we do want will help us narrow down the people we think might be right for us. It can also help us decide where we might find the right person or what friendships are healthy to maintain in our lives. If one goal is “spend quiet time with someone” we might hang around a library instead of a popular bar. Obviously no one is going to fit all of our needs or every goal on the list, but even fulfilling a few desires can make for a great match.
#3) Know Your Emotions
Feelings can be extremely confusing as they don’t always have rational thoughts attached to them. This is OK. We don’t need to have an explicit reason for everything we feel, but we have to allow ourselves to experience that feeling without judgment. We can’t withhold our anger and sadness because we “shouldn’t feel them.” They are natural, and the more we recognize our emotions, the more we can respond to them appropriately.
However, it is important to engage in self-dialogue in order to determine when some feelings are a result of an irrational thought or fear, and find ways to let them go. The sooner we let go of irrational thoughts and fears that result in unwanted emotions or moods, the quicker we will have room for more love, positive emotions, and happier moods.
#4) Trust Your Intuition
We’ve all made poor romantic decisions in the past, and have received all kinds of advice about what we “should” do. But everyone has different opinions and needs.
Friends and family mean well and want to see us happy, but ultimately the decision is ours who we will let into our lives. We can listen to the advice of loved ones, but employ the actions that seem appropriate to us – we know ourselves better than anyone else. Self dialogue is also important in that it encourages us to listen to ourselves, to follow our intuition and our “gut” feelings.
A thousand random thoughts enter our minds at any given moment, the ones that affect us are the ones we attach meaning to. We have to be picky with the ones we attach a meaning to. We have to be choosey with what actually carries weight so that we can make healthier and more rational choices in our lives. If we take the time to challenge our thoughts and explore them, we are more likely to have a clearer and more keen sense of intuition and make decisions that are more conducive to our own happiness.
Related: 7 Simple Ways to Grow Relationships That Last
#5) Focus on the Present
It’s impossible to move forward successfully while looking backward the whole time.
It’s good to learn from the past, but we have to believe the future holds new and different experiences. Talk about plans and goals, not regrets or even nostalgia about the past. It can be difficult to be optimistic when we’re feeling uncertain, but even if we don’t feel full of hope, we can keep our eyes up and prepare for the next unknown chapter.
Although focusing on the future can give us hope, motivation, and some courage, it is important to even do this in small doses. Most importantly, and above all, it is important that we remain in the present. The current moment and day is what deserves our attention. Sometimes we get so caught up in the past and even the future that we forget to focus on the love or attention our loved ones need in a given moment.
Everything should be within in balance and reason, spend just enough time remembering the past in order to plan your future just a bit, we need those moments because they shape us. However, spend the most time remaining present, enjoying your present moment.
If for any reason the present is unbearable or makes you unhappy, that is a big sign for something needs to change!
Find ways to make your present happier in its moment and a one way ticket to that is gratitude. To find gratitude in the worst of the worst, because everything in our lives is hear to teach us, to help us grow, and to help bring us closer to unconditional, fulfilling, and sensational love.
#6) Let People In
Trusting a stranger sounds crazy, but that’s not the goal. The first few steps of weeding out what is and isn’t wanted, and focusing on potential new experiences will ensure only a few desirable individuals are being allowed past our wall. Steadily we can give these people more of our trust and test the waters. Without this crucial step, a relationship can’t go anywhere. This requires a level of vulnerability that may feel uncomfortable, but in the end pays off, even if it just turns out to be a learning experience, which again brings us full circle to gratitude.
Life at it’s best.
The same cycles will continue to occur, we will go from love to vulnerability to love to sadness to hurt to love and back around again. In the end, its a right of passage as a human to experience pain and love over and over again. You will go through these inevitable experiences either way. However you have two choices, you can go through them with the eyes of gratitude in a pleasant way, or you can go through them kicking in screaming making them far more painful and hurtful than they need to be. When you choose to experience your lessons in the best way possible, you are more likely to not go through them again, because the lesson has been complete, you have then learned.
Related: How Can Couples Therapy Help Your Relationship?
#7) Don’t Fear Failure
Things don’t always work out – this is why some of us have put up walls in the first place. But heartbreak is not the end of the world. And if we plant our feet and plan accordingly, we don’t even have to be destroyed when a romantic interest doesn’t stick around.
Muscles grow by tearing and being rebuilt, and the heart is the most important muscle in the human body.
As humans we are naturally social creatures. Most of us prefer not to be alone (though there is nothing wrong with wanting to be alone) and should not feel we have no other choice. Often if relationships haven’t worked out before it is because we haven’t found the right person, and locking all potential partners out of our lives isn’t going to help that.
Start Letting More Love In
Love — whether it is romantic, platonic, or family love — is a huge part of the human experience. Use these tips to see how you can make small changes to invite more love of all kinds into your life.
If you still feel blocked when it comes to opening yourself, Loving Life Today is here to help. Contact our office to learn about our in-office and virtual therapy and counseling services. Our team is here to help you find ways to break down your walls and welcome more love into your life.
And for more tips on how to cultivate better habits, download our free ebook. It includes 75 tips for making small changes that can help you live a happier, healthier life. Download it for free today.
You deserve love in your life, and we’re here to help you find it.
Love Yourself and Let Yourself Be Loved
5 minutes
Last update: 28 July, 2022
Pleasures should be inserted into life like commas into a sentences. It’s essential that we do things that we enjoy, that we take advantage of the opportunities that are presented to us without thinking too much about it. Without expectations, simply with the desire to experience life. Thus, love yourself and let yourself be loved.
Loving oneself is complicated but it’s essential so that others may love us as well. Fall in love with your body, flaws, virtues, with each and every thing that awakens your passion, with the way you smile and walk through life.
“When I was 5 years old, my mother told me that happiness was the key to life itself. When I went to school, I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. I answered, “Happy.” They told me I didn’t understand the question, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”
-John Lennon-
Truly love yourself
Loving oneself is a fundamental part of feeling well, so that others may love us, so we can enjoy and be happy. Sometimes it’s complicated, because we criticize ourselves and can become our own worst enemy.
Self-esteem is the evaluative perception we have of ourselves. In other words, it’s how we see and value ourselves, and it has four fundamental elements according to the Argentinian psychologist, Walter Riso. They are as follows:
- Self-concept: What you think about yourself
- Self-image: How much you like yourself
- Self-reinforcement: How much you reward yourself
- Self-efficacy: How much confidence you have in yourself
In order to reinforce these four elements that make up self-esteem, to live at peace with ourselves and be more happy, we suggest some simple actions you can take to appreciate all the good there is within you.
Don’t compare yourself
During adolescence we begin a detailed analysis of our physique, down to the pore, and the result is that there’s always something in excess or something lacking. We criticize the color of our hair, our legs, our teeth. We insist on finding our defects. We also compare ourselves to other people. People we consider more attractive, therefore making us feel bad.
Comparisons are detrimental, because the concept of beauty varies greatly from one person to another. It’s a totally subjective concept. What we may consider beautiful, another person might consider ugly or vice versa. Therefore, comparisons are useless.
“Wanting to be somebody else is wasting the person that you are.“
-Marilyn Monroe-
Discover and highlight the things you like about yourself. Dress how you like, not how others expect you to dress. If you feel good, that’s what matters.
There will always be someone more handsome or ugly than you. But who cares? You have unique qualities that no one else has. Discover them and their true potential.
Invent your own concept of beauty
The concept of beauty isn’t only something subjective, it also depends a great deal on the era. For example, some time ago, a chubby, white woman with red lips was considered beautiful, while the current definition of beauty is radically different.
Therefore, the best thing to do is create your own concept of beauty. Walter Riso affirms that the following premise is the healthiest one to apply:
“You can decide what’s your own version of beautiful. It’s not easy, but it’s worth trying. Just like in order to dress well, you don’t have to docilely follow the fad and conform. In order to like yourself you don’t have to use external concepts. You don’t have to be like anybody in particular. There are no theoretical and scientific reasons that justify the superiority of one form of beauty over another.
The important thing, therefore, is not to be beautiful, but to like yourself.”
Reward yourself
When our partner doesn’t take care of us, ask how we’re doing, call us, or express interest in us, we might doubt how much he or she cares about us.
In the same sense, if you don’t reward yourself, dedicate time to yourself, and express affection, your self-esteem will be null or insufficient. Self-love, by principle, isn’t very different from loving other people.
Therefore, take care of your body and mind, do things you enjoy, things that bring you pleasure. Smile and go out and share that smile. If you like going to the movies, go. If you like bike riding, go out and ride. If you like to read, buy some books and read them.
Get rid of repressive beliefs
According to Walter Riso, the repressive beliefs that keep us from reinforcing our self-esteem are the following four:
- The cult of habit. It is the worship of a series of behaviors that are considered normal and which we should all have, but that kind of behavior will not allow us to innovate and change.
- The cult of rationalization. It will turn us into robots, simply accustomed to assessing our feelings to see if they are convenient. There are some things that aren’t made to be thought about but simply experienced.
- The cult of self-control. Trying to control every feeling and emotion. Of course, a balanced self-control is necessary in order to prevent destructive behaviors, but we must not strive for absolute containment of feelings and emotions.
- The cult of modesty. It will make you not value your success or efforts. This is not about boasting over your achievements, but about recognizing our potential, without excuses or blame, in order to be realistic, see your qualities and appreciate your efforts.
Love yourself and allow yourself to love
We must not miss the joys of life.
It is essential to do what we love, to use the opportunities presented to us, without thinking too much, without high expectations, just with the will to live and express life.
For this it is important to love yourself and allow yourself to be loved.
Loving ourselves is tricky, but it is a fundamental step so that others can love us in turn.
Love your body, your imperfections, your qualities, everything that fascinates you, your way of smiling and walking the path of life.
“When I was five, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I want to be when I grow up. I said happy. They told me that I didn't understand the instructions and told them that they didn't understand life.
-John Lennon-
Content
- 1 You like as much as possible
- 2 Don't compare yourself to others
- 3 Create your own concept of beauty
- 4 Reward Yourself
- 5 Eliminate Repressive Beliefs
- 6 Allow Yourself to Love
You enjoy as much as possible
Loving yourself is fundamental to feeling good, so that other people love us, enjoy life and be happy.
This is a difficult path because we are often very critical of ourselves, sometimes becoming our worst enemy.
Self-esteem is an evaluative perception of ourselves, that is, how we see ourselves, how we value ourselves.
It is based on four fundamental principles according to the Argentine psychologist Walter Riso. Here they are:
- Self-esteem: what we think about ourselves.
- Self-image: how we see each other
- Self-help: when we reward ourselves.
- Self-efficacy: the trust we have in us.
To strengthen the four elements of self-esteem and live in peace with yourself and be happier, we suggest creating small strategies to teach you to love yourself and appreciate everything that is good in you.
Don't compare yourself to others
From adolescence we are stuck in a process of depressive analysis of our physics that makes us think that something is always missing, so that we are perfect in our eyes.
We don't like our hair color, our legs or our teeth. We strive to find ourselves a thousand and one shortcomings.
We also compare ourselves to others who are always prettier than us, and this can hurt us.
Comparisons are negative. The concept of beauty varies from person to person and is completely subjective.
What we may consider beautiful, another person may see as ugly, and vice versa. That's why comparisons are simply useless.
“To want to be another person is to destroy the person that you are. "
-Marilyn Monroe-
Discover and showcase whatever you like. Do whatever you want, don't lean into how others would like you to be. If you feel good, that's all, what matters
There will always be someone prettier or uglier than you, but what matters is that your qualities make you unique.
Open them up and let them express themselves.
Come up with your own concept of beauty
The concept of beauty is not only subjective, but also largely dependent on time.
Many years ago, a woman with white skin and pink lips was considered beautiful, but today's canons of beauty are completely different.
The best thing to do is to build your own concept of beauty. In this sense, Walter Riso advises us to start this journey:
“You can decide your own concept of beauty. It's not easy, but it's important to try. To dress, do not follow fashion in uniform. To love yourself, you do not need to apply external concepts. You don't have to please anyone in particular. No scientific theory justifies the dominance of one form of beauty over another. The important thing is not to be pretty or pretty, but to love yourself.”
Reward Yourself
When our partner doesn't take care of us, doesn't ask us how we're moving, doesn't call us, and doesn't care about us, it's hard to imagine having love in the relationship we have with him.
In the same way, if you don't reward yourself, if you don't give yourself a little time every day, if you don't express your feelings, your personal respect will be zero or insufficient.
Self-love, in principle, is no different from the love that is for others.
Take care of your body and mind, do what you like and enjoy yourself.
Smile and go out to share your smile. If you like going to the movies, go for it.
If you love cycling, don't be shy. If you enjoy reading, go to your bookstore and treat yourself.
Removing Repressive Beliefs
According to Walter Riso, repressive beliefs prevent us from building our self-esteem. There are four of them:
- The cult of habituation: it is a worship that we dedicate to a whole range of behaviors that we consider habitual, which we consider obligatory, but which do not allow us to innovate or change.
- Cult of rationalization: this cult makes us be robots that evaluate feelings in a quasi-scientific way to see if they are right for us.
Some things are not meant to be thought, but to be felt. - The cult of self-control: is what makes us want to control all our feelings and emotions. It's important to control ourselves to avoid destructive behavior, but we shouldn't go back to everything we feel.
- The cult of modesty: it can make us not appreciate our successes and our efforts. This is not about boasting about our successes, but about recognizing our potential, without justification or guilt, realistically. This allows us to know how to value our qualities and value our efforts.
“If you cannot love yourself, it will be difficult for you to love others, because you will feel that you are giving time and energy to another person, you are not even giving it to yourself. "
-Barbara de Angelisi-
Let yourself be loved
In today's society, everything goes too fast. We are all very independent and active, but we need to stop for a moment and allow us to be loved.
If you feel feel bad, let others listen to you and take care of you.0003
If something bothers you, share it and let others hug and kiss you.
Feel the tenderness that is in each of their gestures and in each of their looks . Let yourself love.
Love yourself and let yourself be loved / psychology
Pleasures should be placed in life just like commas in a sentence. It is important to do what we like, to take advantage of the opportunities that are presented to us, without thinking too much, without expectations, just with the desire to live and squeeze life, so love yourself and allow yourself to be loved.
Loving ourselves is difficult, but it is important that others love us. So love yourself, fall in love with your body, your flaws, your virtues, whatever you love, your way of smiling and walking through life.
“When I was 5 years old, my mother told me that happiness is the key to life.
When I went to school, they asked me what I want to be when I get older. I answered "happy". They told me that I didn't understand the question and I told them that they didn't understand life."
-John Lennon-
Love yourself strongly
Love yourself is necessary in order to feel good, so that other people love us, rejoice and be happy. Sometimes it's difficult because we criticize ourselves and can become our worst enemy.
Self-esteem is a value perception of ourselves, that is, how we see and value ourselves, and has four fundamental elements, according to the Argentine psychologist Walter Riso, namely:
- Self-concept - what do you think about yourself.
- Self-esteem - how much you love yourself.
- Self-reinforcement - how much you reward.
- Self-efficacy - what is your self-confidence?.
To strengthen these four elements of self-esteem and live in peace with yourself and happier, we offer a few simple actions so that you learn to love yourself and know how to appreciate all the good things that are in you.
.
Do not compare yourself
From adolescence, we began to analyze our physique in detail, pore by pore, and as a result, something is always missing or left. We criticize the color of our hair, our legs, our teeth. We will try to find our shortcomings. We will also compare ourselves with others whom we consider more beautiful, and we will feel bad.
Comparisons are negative because the concept of beauty is very different from one person to another, it is a completely subjective concept. What we may consider beautiful may be considered ugly by another person, and vice versa . The comparison is therefore useless.
“Wishing to be someone else is a waste of the person you are. "
-Marilyn Monroe-
Discover and highlight the things you like, dress the way you like, not the way others expect you to, if you feel good, that's what matters. Always there will be someone prettier or uglier than you, but it matters, you have unique qualities that no one has , open them up and empower them.
Think up your own concept of beauty
The concept of beauty is not only something subjective, but a lot depends on each age. For example, many years ago a plump white woman with pink lips was considered a beauty, while the current canon of beauty is radically different.
Therefore, it is best to build your own concept of beauty. In this sense, Walter Riso argues that the healthiest premise is:
“You can decide your own concept of beauty. It's not easy, but worth a try. Just as you need to dress well, don't follow fashion and uniforms in order to love yourself or yourself, you don't need to use external concepts. You don't have to look like anyone in particular, or there are theoretical and scientific reasons that justify the superiority of one form of beauty over another. Therefore, it is important not to be beautiful or beautiful, but to love yourself."
Reward yourself
When our partner doesn't care about us, he doesn't ask us how we are, he doesn't call us, he doesn't care about us, it's hard for us to interpret that there is love in these relationships.
In the same way, if you do not reward yourself, if you do not devote time, if you do not express affection, your self-esteem will be zero or insufficient. Self-love, in principle, is not much different from love for other people. Love yourself.
therefore, take care of your body and mind, do what you like and enjoy. Smile and go there to share your smile. If you like to go to the movies, go, if you like to ride a bike, go for a ride, if you like to read, buy books and read them. Love yourself.
Eliminate Repressive Beliefs
According to Walter Riso, there are four repressive beliefs that prevent us from building our self-esteem:
- The cult of addiction. This is a cult of a series of behaviors that are considered habitual and that we should all have, but such behavior will not allow us to innovate or change.
- The cult of rationalization. This will lead us to be like robots, just used to evaluating feelings to see if they are comfortable.
There are things that don't make you think, but vibrate with them. - The cult of self-control. It is about controlling all feelings and emotions. Of course, balanced self-control is necessary to avoid destructive behavior, but we must move away from absolute containment of feelings and emotions.
- The cult of modesty . You will need to not appreciate your successes or your efforts. It's not about bragging about our achievements, but about recognizing our potential, without excuses or guilt, to be realistic, to see our qualities and to know how to appreciate your efforts. with love for someone, because you will be unhappy with the time and energy that you give to another person that you do not even give to yourself.
-Barbara De Angelisi-
Let yourself be loved
In today's society, everything moves too fast, we are all very independent, but it is necessary that we stop for a moment and allow ourselves to be loved.
