Introverts be like

12 Things Introverts Absolutely Need in Life to Be Happy

The introverts in your life need permission to remain quiet at times and to spend time alone — without a guilt trip.

I used to feel bad about being an introvert. I wished I could be more like my extroverted friends. They seemed to have no problem carrying on a conversation with anyone, at any time. They didn’t seem to get mentally and physically fatigued from socializing — and from life in general — like I did.

Later in life, when I began studying and writing about introversion, I learned that there’s nothing wrong with being an introvert. Our brains are simply wired a little differently than those of extroverts. Our introverted minds process our experiences deeply, and we require alone time to feel our best. It’s science: Essentially, we introverts don’t need as much dopamine as extroverts do to feel satisfied. (Read more about the science behind why introverts love spending time alone.)

And, because of this wiring, we introverts need different things in life to be happy, compared to extroverts. Here are 12 of those things, which I explore more in my book, The Secret Lives of Introverts.

1. Plenty of time to wind down and process

Yes, we introverts need downtime after big parties and networking events to recharge our energy. But we also need downtime after “little” things, too. Because we’re wired to process ideas and events deeply, introverts may get very drained by, say, a stressful day at work, shopping in a crowded mall, or a heated conversation with a significant other. Time to unwind allows us to fully comprehend what we just experienced — and lower our stimulation level to one that’s more comfortable and sustainable. Without downtime, we’ll feel brain dead, irritable, and even physically unwell or tired.

2. Meaningful conversation

How was your weekend? What’s new with you? We “quiet ones” can do small talk (it’s a skill many of us have forced ourselves to learn), but that doesn’t mean we don’t absolutely loathe it. Many introverts crave diving deep, both in our interests and in our relationships. We need something more: What’s something new you’ve learned lately? How are you a different person today than you were ten years ago? Does God exist?

Not every conversation has to be soul-searchingly deep. Sometimes introverts really do just want to know what you did this weekend. But if we’re only fed a diet of small talk, we’ll leave the table still feeling like we’re starving. Without those intimate, raw, big-idea moments, we’ll be unhappy.

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3. Companionable silence

It may seem contrary to #2, but introverts also need people in their lives who are content with quiet. People who can sit in the same room with us, not talking, each of us doing our own thing. People who won’t nervously jump to fill a pause in the conversation but will let thoughts linger, waiting until ideas have been fully digested. Without periods of companionable silence, introverts just won’t be happy.

4. Space to dive deep into our hobbies and interests

17th century horror novels. Celtic mythology. Restoring old cars. Gardening, painting, cooking, or writing. If it’s out there, introverts are diving deep into it. Having time alone to focus on our hobbies and interests recharges us, because while absorbed in them, many of us enter an energizing state of flow. According to the famed psychologist Mihály Csíkszentmihályi, “flow” is a mental state in which a person is fully immersed in an activity and enjoying the process. A flow state comes naturally to many introverts, and without it, we won’t feel happy.

5. A quiet space that’s all ours

Admittedly, this is something that I don’t have right now, because my toddler son is the ultimate space-invader. Introverts absolutely need a private, quiet space to retreat to when the world is too loud. Ideally, it’s a room that we can arrange and decorate ourselves, and have full control over. Being fully alone, without fear of intrusion or interruption, is invigorating on a near-spiritual level for introverts.

6. Time to think

According to Dr. Marti Olsen Laney in The Introvert Advantage, introverts rely more on long-term memory than working memory (for extroverts, it’s the opposite). This might explain why we introverts struggle to put our thoughts into words. Although words seem to flow effortlessly for extroverts, introverts often need an extra beat to think before responding — or much longer to consider a bigger issue. Without time to process and reflect, introverts will feel stressed.

Do you ever struggle to know what to say?

As an introvert, you actually have the ability to be an amazing conversationalist — even if you’re quiet and hate small talk. To learn how, we recommend this online course from our partner Michaela Chung. Click here to check out the Introvert Conversation Genius course.

7. People who understand that sometimes we’ll be staying home

For introverts, socializing is all about dosage. We need friends and loved ones in our lives who understand that sometimes we just can’t “people” — and they accept this, minus the guilt trip.

8. A deeper purpose to our lives and work

Everyone needs to pay their bills, and for many of us, that’s why we go to work, even if we have to drag ourselves kicking and screaming. And some people are content with this arrangement (or at least tolerate it). However, for many introverts, it’s not enough — we crave work that’s purposeful and meaningful. We want to do more than just earn a paycheck and put a roof over our heads. Without meaning and purpose in our lives — whether it comes from our job, a relationship, a hobby, or something else — introverts will feel deeply unhappy.

9. Permission to remain quiet

Sometimes we just won’t have the energy to interact. Or we’ll be turned inward, doing what introverts do best, which is reflecting on and analyzing ideas and experiences. Pointing out, “You’re so quiet!” or prodding us to talk will only make us feel self-conscious. At these times, give us permission to remain quiet — it’s what we need to be happy. After time to process and recharge, we’ll likely return to you with plenty to say.

10. Independence

Unique and fiercely independent, introverts are more inclined to let their own inner resources guide them than follow the crowd. We do our best work — and are our happiest — when we have the freedom to explore ideas, spend time alone, and be self-directed and independent.

11. The simple life

I have an extroverted friend who seems to do it all — volunteering at her son’s school, caring for her family, and planning get-togethers for our friends, on top of a full-time job. As an introvert, I’d never survive that same schedule; besides, the simple life is good enough for me. A good book, a lazy weekend, a meaningful conversation with a friend — and some snuggles from my animal friends — are what makes me happy.

12. Friends and loved ones who value us despite our quirks

We’re never going to be the most popular person in the room. In fact, in a large group, you might not even notice us at all, as we tend to remain in the background. Nevertheless, just like anyone else, we introverts need people in our lives — people who see our value and care for us despite our quirks. We know that at times, we can be difficult to deal with — nobody’s perfect. When you love and accept us as we are, even when our introverted quirks don’t make sense to you, you’re making our lives profoundly happier.

Introverts, what would you add to this list? Let me know in the comments below.

Check out my book, The Secret Lives of Introverts: Inside Our Hidden World.

Signs of an Introvert Personality: Types, Traits & Characteristics

Written by Rachel Reiff Ellis

What Is an Introvert?

An introvert is a person with qualities of a personality type known as introversion, which means that they feel more comfortable focusing on their inner thoughts and ideas, rather than what’s happening externally. They enjoy spending time with just one or two people, rather than large groups or crowds.

When you hear the word introvert, you might think of someone who's shy or quiet and prefers to be alone. While that may be true for some introverts, there's much more to this personality type. Whether you're an introvert or an extrovert all depends on how you process the world around you.

A psychologist named Carl Jung began using the terms introvert and extrovert (sometimes spelled extravert) in the 1920s. These two personality types sort people into how they get or spend their energy. Introverts, Jung said, turn to their own minds to recharge, while extroverts seek out other people for their energy needs.

Signs You Might Be an Introvert

Around one-third to one-half of all people in the U.S. are introverts. Though it looks different in everyone, introverts have many of the same patterns of behavior. In general, introverts:

Need quiet to concentrate
Are reflective
Are self-aware
Take time making decisions
Feel comfortable being alone
Don't like group work
Prefer to write rather than talk
Feel tired after being in a crowd
Have few friendships, but are very close with these friends
Daydream or use their imaginations to work out a problem
Retreat into their own mind to rest

One way to find out if you're an introvert is to take a test, such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) or the SAPA project.

Causes of Introversion

Scientists don't know for sure if there's a cause for introversion or extroversion. What they do know is the brains of the two personality types work a little differently from each other. Researchers have found that introverts have a higher blood flow to their frontal lobe than extroverts do. This part of the brain helps you remember things, solve problems, and plan ahead.

Introvert brains also react differently to dopamine than extrovert brains do. That's a chemical that turns on the reward- and pleasure-seeking part of your brain. Introverts and extroverts have the same amount of the chemical, but extrovert brains get an excited buzz from their reward center. Introverts, on the other hand, tend to just feel run-down by it.

Types of Introverts

Being an introvert isn't an all-or-nothing stamp on your personality. Psychologists think of introverts as falling somewhere on a scale. Some people are more introverted than others. Other people fall right in the middle of the scale. They're called ambiverts.

Introverts usually have a few extroverted traits mixed in with their introverted ones, and vice versa. There are a wide range of ways to be an introvert.

One study shows that introverts tend to fall into one of four subtypes:

Social introverts. This is the "classic" type of introvert. Social introverts like small groups and quiet settings over crowds.

Thinking introverts. People in this group are daydreamers. They spend a lot of time in their thoughts and tend to have creative imaginations.

Anxious introverts. They seek out alone time not just because they like it, but also because they often feel awkward or shy around people.

Restrained/inhibited introverts. These introverts think before they act. They aren't likely to make a decision on a whim. Typically they take longer to take action.

Your introverted ways may change over time, and in different settings, too. You're not likely to swing from introvert to extrovert. But it's possible you could become more or less introverted, depending on what's going on in your life.

Introversion Versus Shyness

Many people think of introverts as shy, but the two aren’t linked. Introversion is a personality type, while shyness is an emotion.

People who are shy tend to feel awkward or uncomfortable when they’re in social situations, especially when they’re around strangers. They may feel so nervous, they become sweaty. Their heart may beat quicker, and they may get a stomachache. They may be inclined to skip social events because they don’t like the negative feelings that take over their thoughts and bodies when they have to go to parties or other activities.

People who are introverted also prefer to skip social events, but it’s because they feel more energized or comfortable doing things on their own or with one or two other people. Introverts don’t choose to skip social events because they have strong negative reactions to larger gatherings the way that shy people do; they just prefer being alone or in very small groups.

Myths About Introverts

One common myth about introverts is that they’re shy. Some introverts may be shy, but this is not the case for all introverts. Other myths include:

Introverts are unfriendly. Being an introvert doesn’t affect how friendly you may be. Some people may think that introverts are unfriendly because they don’t tend to have large groups of friends, and they may reflect on situations quietly rather than joining in on conversations at gatherings.
Introverts can’t be leaders. Although people may think of an extroverted personality when they imagine a leader, introverts have the skills to be bosses and leaders, too. Some of their qualities make them effective leaders: They listen to their employees’ ideas, they can stay focused on long-term goals, and they may seem less threatening, so people may accept them in their roles.
It’s hard to get to know introverts. Introverts prefer to have deep friendships with only a handful of people. They may not open up to everyone who wants to small-talk, but the people they’re close with know them very well and develop real friendships with them.

Introverts. Extroverts. And something else - OpenMind on vc.ru

I think each of us had such thoughts: " Ah, it would be interesting to know what this person is thinking about ...". I am happy to report that this is possible!

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In previous articles we talked about such a concept as profiling is the compilation of a psychological portrait of a person based on verbal (speech) and non-verbal (facial expressions, gestures, postures) behavior. Profiling helps to understand a person, his values, beliefs, character, and also helps to predict a person's behavior. There are many descriptive models of a person's personality - psychogeometry, psychotypes, temperament types, metaprograms, DISC, archetypes, character accentuations and much more.

It should be noted right away that the description models that we will consider below are quite short and often provide us with the opportunity of only short-term prediction of human behavior. Therefore, in the following articles we will talk in more detail about the tools that will allow us to see more and know a person better, more deeply!

The most, in my opinion, known and widespread is Jung's model in the form of a dichotomy " extrovert - introvert ". Although in the majority's view this box is more about the level of sociability, but from Jung's point of view, extroverts are more interested in the outside world, and introverts are more interested in the inner world. Introverts are less interested in the external rewards and stimuli that give meaning to an extrovert's life - active communication, the approval of others. Some researchers even suggest that instead of the word "introversion" it is better to use the quality "detachment".

The second slightly wider and no less well-known model is temperament types "choleric - sanguine - phlegmatic - melancholic" . Temperament is an individual characteristic of a person in terms of the characteristics of his mental activity and natural psychophysiological qualities. The three main qualities of temperament are the level of general activity, the features of the motor sphere and the level of emotionality.

Phlegmatic unhurried, imperturbable, has stable aspirations and mood, outwardly stingy in the manifestation of emotions and feelings. He shows perseverance and perseverance in work, remaining calm and balanced.

Choleric - fast, passionate, impetuous, but completely unbalanced, with a sharply changing mood with emotional outbursts, quickly depleted type of temperament. He does not have a balance of nervous processes, which sharply distinguishes him from a sanguine person.

Sanguine - a lively, hot, active person, with frequent changes in mood, impressions, with a quick reaction to all events happening around him, quite easily reconciled with his failures and troubles. He is very productive at work, when he is interested, getting very excited about this, if the work is not interesting, he is indifferent to it, he becomes bored.

Melancholic - a person who is easily vulnerable, prone to constant experience of various events, he reacts little to external factors. He cannot restrain his asthenic experiences by an effort of will, he is too impressionable, easily emotionally vulnerable.

The third typology that I would like to mention is psychogeometry - a system of personality analysis based on the constitution of the human body. There are 4 main types - picnic, athletic, asthenic and gratsial.

• Picnic is a person who has a fairly large body fat.

• Athletic has a well-defined muscular frame and the muscles in the shoulder area predominate.

• Asthenik has some fat and some muscle tissue.

• Gracial looks like an asthenic, but has a figure with a pronounced waist (hourglass) and a graceful gait.

There are mixed types, but one of them will still dominate.

Picnics have a relaxed posture and the same movements. They love comfort quite strongly, they don't like movement. Due to their large body mass, picnics will show a slow response. Due to the fact that they have a large mass and need to be supported, they will always strive for the socialization of food needs: for a large number of social contacts through feasts. Picnics are highly people-oriented and are very sensitive to feedback. They feel good everywhere, the main thing is to have someone to talk to, and even better - to eat. Often focused on the needs of others. Picnics are emotionally balanced and motivated by family values.

Athletic is confident in posture, posture and movement. They are prone to physical activity, as it is necessary to keep the body in good shape. As a rule, they are almost always as energetic as possible. Athletes will always have a need for dominance. What other people think about them, by and large, does not matter to them. Athletes also feel very uncomfortable in closed, stuffy, unventilated rooms.

In their posture and movements asthenics are quite constrained, inhibited. People with asthenic physique have an increased reaction rate and anxiety. In life in society, they are more prone to lengthy reasoning than to action, and are always extremely attentive to what is happening around. This is a defensive reaction: in order not to get into a difficult situation, so that there are no problems. Often they have a fear of social contacts, so-called social phobia develops. It is important for asthenics to be in a closed space, the smaller the space, the more relaxed they feel.

Representatives of the graceful constitution are characterized by the so-called feline style of movement. People of a graceful physique are often active when there is an opportunity to demonstrate themselves, this is manifested, among other things, in the environment with which they surround themselves, where everything is arranged for the convenience of a loved one. From the point of view of energy, in Gracials, as a rule, the speed of reaction to external influences can be different, often chaotic. This is due to the fact that, on the one hand, they need to draw attention to themselves, and on the other hand, they somehow have time to react to what is happening around. Representatives of a graceful physique are fixated on the impression that they make, and usually they are not too attentive to trifles, other people, and the situation. New acquaintances, new contacts are important for them: the more, the better. They are characterized by an even higher sociophilia (forgetfulness of their own interests in the name of the group, altruistic orientation, nobility, compliance) than picnics. The space for Gracials does not really matter, the main thing is that there are “spectators” who can be impressed. The basic feature of the emotional manifestation of behavior in the graceful type is emotional-artistic, demonstrative.

I think that this article has helped you to structure information that was previously partially familiar, and also gave you new knowledge. Tracking these moments in a person's personality, you can already better understand him. Further more!

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Introverts and cats are very similar: a collection of evidence

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Around the cat, Gallery, Pictures, Behavior

Contents

If you are an introvert and love cats, this is not surprising. Introverts and cats have a lot in common. And the fact that many introverts identify with cats is not some kind of miracle - it's natural.

In this article we used drawings by the artist David Wagenfeld, who illustrated some of the features of introverts and cats.

Chosenness of communication

Both introverts and cats are very picky about whom to love and whom to show affection and tenderness. They do not rush around, joyfully waving their tails, each oncoming-transverse, like some other domestic animals (we will not point fingers, everyone already guessed who we are talking about). But with their owners, cats are fluffy balls of imposing sympathy.

Calmness, only calmness

Most cats stop fooling around as soon as they grow up. An adult cat is lazy, calm and unflappable. No one jumps two meters at the slightest danger any more, does not take off at the sound of an opening can of food or at the call of the owner. Cats are so cold-blooded that some mistake this composure for aloofness and indifference.

But there is another point of view on such behavior. The calm collectedness of cats is a sign of deep self-confidence.

Modest requests

It doesn't take much to make a cat happy. For example, cats are not at all interested in running in the park every day and sniffing out traces of other animals there. They are quite happy to stay at home and curl up in a ball in their favorite chair.

And if they find somewhere a spot of sunlight to warm themselves, then this is generally happiness. Most feline needs can be summed up in a simple formula:

Food + Love + Silence + Comfort = Lucky Cat

As you probably know, introverts' requests are no different at all!

Frequent doubts

Many introverts are very close to the problem of feline indecision.

Learn more