Introvert new book

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And to all the quiet ones who declare themselves decisively and boldly, despite the fact that their voice is not so loud

© 2019 by Jane Finkle

© © Publication in Russian, design LLC Publishing house "Peter", 2020

© Series "Your own psychologist", 2020

Introduction. Just like us

I am an introvert. This became clear in childhood. Mom gave me a pot, spoons, ladles, put me on the tiled floor in the kitchen, and I played for hours by myself. But my older brother was not so self-absorbed. He could easily talk to a stranger and constantly tugged at his mother. Therefore, when I appeared, my mother was amazed at how different my brother and I were. She liked that I could entertain myself with the simplest objects and did not really need to communicate with other people. Of course, I was not the first introvert in our family - rather, I am the continuer of this long family tradition. My grandmother's entrepreneurial spirit was supported by my quiet immigrant grandfather, who was happy with second roles. And my shy father constantly complained about the need to attend various meetings, although, despite his reticence, he enjoyed them. nine0011

In early childhood, while the tiles on the floor were turning yellow little by little, and life went on as usual, measured activity calmed me down. Creativity and reading perfectly balanced the emotionally rich school and social events. My calm and reserved manner of communication did not prevent me from making friends. Not wanting to be flamboyant and bold only helped that. Their stories, which I enjoyed listening to, were like reading a good book to me, and I was glad to come up with ways to solve their problems. What I enjoyed most was helping my friends rewrite the chapters of their lives so that they lead to a happy ending. In retrospect, it's no surprise that my form of introversion helped me succeed in career counseling. nine0011

Extraversion or introversion

The nature of extraversion and introversion is still a lively debate: why people behave so differently. You may have already taken one of the online tests or the official Myers-Briggs Test (MBTI) to determine your type. The MBTI score is a psychometric questionnaire that helps determine how a person sees the world and on the basis of which he makes decisions. MBTI, developed by Katherine Briggs and her daughter Isabelle Myers, is based on Carl Jung's personality typology. According to CPP Inc., which owns and distributes the rights to the MBTI, it is "the most widely used personality assessment tool in the world." nine0011

It is natural to want to fall into a category that would give us an identity, especially if that identity provides a better understanding of ourselves and those around us, and also explains the nature of interactions. But be careful when trying to type yourself. Try to better think of extroversion and introversion as natural preferences, and not as hard, casual labels.

Theory

Where did all this noise about introversion and extraversion come from? Carl Jung developed a theory known as "Jungian typology" that characterizes people according to their personality patterns. According to Jung, extraversion and introversion are two patterns of how a person manifests his energy. Extroverts are more energetic when they have access to a wide variety of opportunities from the outside world. Their energy seethes when they are in the company of other people and are engaged in active activities. The energy of introverts, on the other hand, is deeply connected to their inner world. Less showy and outspoken, they enjoy a life of solitude and are therefore able to explore feelings and ideas from within and bring them into their lives unhindered. nine0011

The myth of introversion

An introvert is often portrayed as a person who lacks social skills, as someone who prefers to be behind the scenes, being content with the role of a spectator. But extroverts, by all accounts, are like social butterflies, sure to bask in the rays of glory, because they are destined for a place on the stage. And while the whirlpool of social life in which we are all involved may reflect our personality type, this general perception is not entirely accurate. The difference between introversion and extraversion is much more about how we express and channel our energy. nine0011

Contrary to popular belief, introverts are not necessarily always shy or asocial. They are often excellent observers and good at listening. Not prone to intervene at the start of a meeting or meeting, introverts are more likely to remain calm and slightly thoughtful while more energetic extroverts go out of their way to speak up. Initially possessing developed listening skills, introverts prefer to get all the information possible before expressing their point of view, and often surprise the audience with their adequate and thoughtful position. nine0011

Are you an introvert?

Answer yes or no to the following questions to determine if your personality type is truly introverted:

a. I love to chat with people.

b. I hate idle chatter and love to talk about business.

a. I'm more interested in what's happening around.

b. I am more interested in my own thoughts and feelings.

a. I am often described as energetic and active.

b. I am often described as calm and reserved. nine0011

a. I like to work in a group more than on my own.

b. I can work in a group, but I am very happy to be able to work alone.

a. I'm usually one of the first to answer an unexpected question.

b. I hope that someone else will react to a sudden question before me.

a. I say what I see.

b. I keep my thoughts to myself.

a. I tend to think out loud.

b. I think first, then I speak. nine0011

a. I easily start a conversation by attending various social events.

b. I like to listen to those people whom I meet for the first time at any event.

a. I like spending time with friends or family on weekends.

b. I prefer to stay at home with a good book or watch a movie on a Sunday evening.

a. I usually have only a general idea of ​​what I will be talking about in a meeting.

b. I think in advance what exactly I am going to say at the meeting. nine0011

a. At a good party, I can stay to the bitter end.

b. In a few hours, I'm ready to leave the party.

If you basically agreed with option "b", it is likely that you tend to be introverted. However, if you're still not sure if you're an introvert or an extrovert, go through the list of characteristics below and tick the ones that best describe you. This will allow you to understand what is intuitively closer to you.

If you selected eight or more characteristics from the Introvert column, then this is most likely your personality type. nine0011

Are you an ambivert?

If you filled out the questionnaire and found yourself somewhere in between the two types, or found yourself identifying with both columns in the table above, you may be what I like to call an "introextrovert" or an ambivert. As I mentioned earlier, personality types are not set in stone and are therefore influenced by different factors. For example, the environment can enhance a personality type. Even if you consider yourself an introvert, you may find yourself in situations that require you to be extroverted. By developing these skills, you can reach a more comfortable level for you by shifting the scale of your individual personality type closer to extraversion. nine0011

When I worked at the University of Pennsylvania, it was important to involve students, faculty, and staff across departments in program development. Equally important was building relationships with decision makers. Despite the fact that I considered myself an absolute introvert, I had to use the rudiments of my extroversion. And while it didn't feel natural or comfortable at first, having to train new "muscles" boosted my confidence and ended up being a pleasant surprise. Over time, I have found that I enjoy interacting with people in person or online and building personal and professional networks. However, even today my personality combines these two types. Despite the fact that I feel uplifted in situations that are difficult for an ordinary introvert, I have to admit that I still get very excited on the eve of big events that require active interaction with other people. nine0011

Cultural differences

When determining your level of introversion, also consider that introversion itself may be characteristic of your culture. A recent study of thirty-six different cultures by psychologist Robert McCray found that Asian and some African cultures are more introverted. This is likely the result of their focus on tradition, conservatism, and adherence to rules. At the same time, the prevalence of introversion in no way prevents success. In contrast, a recent nationwide survey by the Pew Research Center found that Asian Americans are the most educated, earn the highest incomes, and are the fastest growing ethnic group in the US. American culture supports extraversion. The initiative is rewarded, the expression of one's opinion is welcome, as well as vigorous activity. Unfortunately, such a reality can leave an introvert in the shadow of an extrovert. To lead a happy and successful life in this culture, an introvert must first recognize and accept their personal worth, and then balance introversion with the addition of extraverted skills. nine0011

In my work with introverted clients, I have often found that no matter the circumstances—whether it's a highly successful work meeting, a job search, or a new opportunity—many of them question their worth and ability to compete in a rapidly changing marketplace. By summing up the experience of my clients and my own, I knew that I had to explore and tell the world ways in which introverts can take advantage of strengths and confidently compete. These discoveries have helped me create the tools to help my clients of all backgrounds and skill levels succeed in their careers. And this, in turn, inspired me to write a book that would pass on this knowledge to other introverts, helping them to accept themselves and finally blossom. nine0011

Age of Acceleration

You have probably noticed the changes that have taken place in the labor market in recent years. A stable job that seemed to be going nowhere and in which you will constantly climb the career ladder until the very retirement - all this is a thing of the past. With all our mobile gadgets at our disposal, we spend hours at and outside of work chatting, replying to messages and emails. New York Times columnist Tom Friedman calls this phenomenon the "Age of Acceleration." Trying to keep up with technological advances and cope with the unstoppable pressures of globalization, we turn into driven horses. nine0011

These tendencies make the field of work unstable and uncertain. Artificial intelligence and automation have replaced humans in many traditional professions. And while new jobs continue to be created, employers are trying to rationalize costs by hiring outsourcers or freelancers, rather than inflate their own staff. The new reality has given rise to the gig economy (when employees are hired for one project or task), which has made the labor market even more unpredictable. There are no exact statistics that would compare the current percentage of American workers employed in freelancing with the percentage of people working in permanent jobs.

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