Loneliness in college

Why It Happens and More I Psych Central

Being away from home and far from support can make the college experience a lonely one.

College is an exciting experience. You’re finally on your own and can make your own decisions.

But college can also be lonely. People often go into the experience thinking that it’ll be nothing but fun, but it’s typically harder than that.

Going to college is a big adjustment and comes with many unexpected changes. This can leave you feeling a little homesick, which can manifest as feelings of sadness, isolation, and disconnection from others.

Attending a college or university in a place other than your hometown often means you may not know anyone else there. You can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely in college.

But try not to stress too much. There are ways you can ease the loneliness.

You might feel lonely in college for several reasons, and identifying the cause can help form a plan.

Not having your support system nearby

Not having friends and family nearby can be one of the primary reasons for feeling lonely in college.

If you’re used to having your loved ones close, going away to college can be a big adjustment.

Watching everyone else start romantic relationships

You’ll feel lonely watching your new friends interact in an intimate way, especially if you haven’t found a partner yourself.

This situation becomes more common later in the school year when people have had a chance to get to know one another.

New routine and educational path

The unfamiliarity of a new routine can also trigger feelings of loneliness. Sometimes you’ll question your educational path, furthering the negativity.

When this happens, it seems that the future is uncertain, and you’ll crave comfort from others.

Feeling like no one cares

You may begin to feel lonely because it seems like no one cares about you or your well-being. Your friends, dormmates, and professors may not seem interested in what you’re doing or how you’re feeling.

But they likely do care — they just may show it in a different way.

Anxiety and depression

If you get anxious or depressed at college, it can impact your ability to meet others. Both conditions can make it less likely for you to seek new friendships and connections.

Additionally, it can further isolate you, increasing your feelings of loneliness.

Learning to balance daily activities

You might feel lonely as you learn to handle your daily domestic activities. When you lived at home, your parents or guardians likely helped you with these things.

Now, you’re responsible for taking care of yourself, cooking, cleaning, and balancing your education and social life.

Comparisons

College can be competitive, and it often leaves you comparing yourself to others. You might feel out of place, looking for where you can fit in.

If you’re feeling lonely in college, you’re not alone. There are many — maybe those sitting right beside you in class or even your dormmate — who may feel this way.

A 2018 study found that 32. 4% of university students in Germany report feeling moderately lonely, while 3.2% report feeling severely lonely. The researchers defined loneliness in two ways:

Emotional loneliness: caused by a lack of close and intimate relationships
Social loneliness: due to a lack of social relationships with friends or peers

In this study, students reported feeling emotional loneliness (7.7%) more than social loneliness (3.2%). The researchers identified several factors that contributed to the students’ loneliness, including:

gender
immigration status
family status (e.g., single, married, or in a relationship)
residence (e.g., living alone, sharing a dorm room)
weight
physical activity
alcohol consumption

A 2020 study surveyed more than 50,000 students ages 18 to 35 years old in Norway. The youngest and oldest students reported the highest level of loneliness. The three main factors that played a role in loneliness included being female, single, and living alone.

Additionally, students saw an increase in loneliness from 2014 (16.5%) to 2018 (23.6%). This was especially true for male students.

While these studies found that loneliness in college isn’t uncommon, more research is needed.

Feeling lonely in college can happen anytime, but it’s more likely during specific times. Every student will experience loneliness in different ways and for various lengths of time.

While some may only experience loneliness during the holidays, others may feel it more strongly at the beginning or end of a semester.

During times of tradition

Living at home comes with expected traditions around important dates such as your birthday and holidays. When you go away to college, you can’t always partake in those traditions because of classes or exams.

Halfway through the first semester

Many college students experience loneliness about halfway through their first semester. All the excitement leading up to and at the beginning of college makes you forget about the major transition you just went through.

Once you’ve settled in, about halfway through the first semester, the feelings may slowly begin to creep in.

During the initial transition

The first week or two of college can be defeating, leaving students feeling lonely.

You may begin to realize that you won’t see your loved ones and high school friends as often, and the feelings hit. As you adjust to your new life, the negativity may begin to subside.

When they see other people connect

It can hurt to see others connect if you haven’t found a close group of friends yet. You might think connection comes so easy for others but not you.

During challenges

When you have to deal with challenges and obstacles alone, you might experience loneliness.

Your family and friends were always there to help you, but you’re on your own now. This can leave you feeling overwhelmed and yearning for connection.

If you’re experiencing loneliness in college, try to remember that you’re not alone and there are others who may feel the same way. Here are some strategies you can try to help ease these feelings.

Recognize and acknowledge your feelings

Recognizing what you’re feeling is a good first step. When you acknowledge your feelings, it can help validate them and give you guidance for moving forward.

Once you admit that you’re lonely, you can begin to think about why you’re feeling this way and how you can manage it.

Adjust your mindset

If your loneliness makes you feel like you’re not yourself anymore, consider a mindset change.

Negative thoughts can distort your perspective and make your situation seem worse than it is. Shifting your mindset can help move your thoughts away from the negative to improve the situation.

You might think you’re lonely because you don’t have anyone to talk with or spend time around. This thought process may lead you to other negative thoughts such as maybe others don’t want to spend time with you.

This might cause you to stay in your dorm room and not socialize with others, allowing more negative thoughts and self-doubt to creep in.

Reframing your thoughts can help you realize that you’re not alone and other students may feel the same way. And this may lead to new opportunities to socialize and meet people like you.

Meet new people

Meeting new people and making friends can help you feel less lonely. Learning to juggle a busy schedule of classes, studying, and work can make it hard to meet new people.

Try to switch things up and strike up a conversation with people near you — such as your dorm roommate or your lab partner.

If you don’t know what to say, ask about an upcoming assignment or how they like the course. Simple conversations like this can help you get to know people and find friends that have things in common with you.

Even chatting only a few minutes a day can ease feelings of loneliness and help you develop friendships. Consider asking them out for coffee after class or to start a study group.

This can be a low-key way to get to know someone better and gain new relationships.

Join clubs, groups, or extracurricular activities

Getting involved on campus can help relieve feelings of loneliness. It will keep you busy and allow you to have fun and meet new people.

College is the ideal time to learn about yourself and the things you enjoy. You can explore new hobbies and activities to see where your passions lie.

Joining a sorority or fraternity is also a great way to find new connections and support while building long lasting friendships.

Finding activities you enjoy outside of academics allows you to connect with people who have the same interests as you. Additionally, you’ll have less downtime to think about all the people you miss back home.

Call someone you feel comfortable with

In-person communication is ideal, but you can alleviate loneliness by staying connected with your loved ones. If your feelings become overwhelming, consider calling someone you love who will help cheer you up.

Hearing their voice can help you feel less alone and allow you to share a more intimate connection.

Connect with yourself

While you need to interact with others, you can ease feelings of loneliness by connecting with yourself. You can connect with the world around you by learning to reflect and reconnect with yourself.

There’s a difference between being alone and feeling lonely. As you reconnect with yourself, you’ll feel your loneliness lessen. It also helps prevent you from being untrue to yourself when trying to fit in with others.

You can start by minimizing your time on social media to focus on what’s happening around you. It helps you become more mindful as you tune into your surroundings and emotions.

Get professional help

If the loneliness doesn’t seem to get better after trying these ideas or it’s beginning to interfere with your daily life, consider reaching out to a healthcare or mental health professional.

Many colleges or universities have mental health services on campus or ways you can find help off-campus. You can talk with the administration or health services on your college campus to find out if they offer these types of services and how you can access them.

Prolonged loneliness can lead to depression and other mental health concerns, according to a 2020 review. Talking with a mental health professional can help you find positive ways to move forward.

Feeling lonely in college happens to many students. You’re not alone, and acknowledging this can help you overcome these feelings.

Joining an extracurricular group, inviting a classmate to coffee, or starting a study group is just some ideas to help you connect with others and develop new friendships.

If you’re unsure whether the feelings you’re experiencing are loneliness, you can take our loneliness quiz to find out.

How I Survived & Dealt With My Loneliness

Growing up, my family always emphasized the importance of education.

When I was accepted into my college of choice during senior year of high school, I couldn’t wait to start the next chapter of my life.

Though I was expecting to get lost on campus, meet some interesting people, and learn about new subjects, I was not expecting the overwhelming loneliness that often accompanied my college experience.

That feeling overtook me right away — in fact, the very first night I arrived was one of the loneliest nights of my life.

After running across campus in a storm, getting lost in the rain, and finally finding my way back to my dorm room, I felt as if I’d made a mistake in even attending college.

Physically, I had pushed myself way beyond my limits — I was still figuring out how to manage my disability at the time — and that only fueled my feelings of loneliness.

To make matters worse, I lived in a single-occupancy dorm room, so while others at least got to know their roommates and ease into the college experience with some companionship right away, I was stuck in my room alone, with no one to talk to.

Sure, I’d gotten into the college I had always dreamed of attending, but being prepared academically didn’t mean I was prepared emotionally.

After changing into some dry clothes and hanging up the phone after tearfully begging my mom to pick me up — I’m thankful now that she didn’t — I opened my door.

Looking around, I saw everyone else leaving to go to their first college parties or hanging out with their roommates.

After a little while, I shut my door, feeling lost and overwhelmingly lonely.

Editor’s Note: This article is part of our ongoing series The Roots Of Loneliness Project, the first-of-its-kind resource that comprehensively explores the phenomenon of loneliness and over 100 types that we might experience over the course of our lives.

What Is College Loneliness And Why Does It Occur?

What Is College Loneliness:

Loneliness in college students often presents itself as feelings of sadness, isolation, and disconnect.

Students feel alone at various points throughout college often triggered by the unfamiliarity of a new routine, uncertainty about their education or major, isolation from family and friends, and lack of friendships and connections if they are new to college.

Though loneliness is common in college students, many students frequently feel as if they are unique in feeling lonely.

I grew up thinking of college as a place to further my education, make new connections, and begin my adult life. For me, college was a place for all of those things — but it was also immensely lonely at times.

When I was in college, I wouldn’t have guessed that so many other people felt as lonely as I did.

Everyone else seemed so happy, hanging out with their friends and juggling a multitude of extracurricular activities between classes.

In reality, feeling lonely in college is incredibly common.

A 2017 study asked students if they had felt lonely in the past year — and over 60% said they had.

In 2018, a study of loneliness in college students suggested that over one-third of college students felt moderately or severely lonely.

When talking to current college students or recent college graduates, I was surprised at how familiar their stories of loneliness felt to me.

Sara, who earned both her bachelor’s and master’s degree at Portland State University, says that despite her love for school and learning, she felt lonely throughout college.

She tells me: “The years I spent working toward my bachelor’s degree were the most lonely. I felt isolated, depressed, and angry.”

Nichole Proulx-King is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and works as a mental health therapist at Husson University. She has worked with students from all backgrounds who have experienced loneliness.

“Loneliness can leave a person feeling isolated and as though no one cares about them,” Proulx-King tells me.

“These feelings can impact overall wellness which encompasses all facets of functioning. Mental health practitioners working in the college setting often see students with significant symptoms of anxiety and depression when this occurs.”

She goes on to say that “symptoms of anxiety and depression can impact physical health as well as emotional health. Unfortunately, one of the complicating factors with anxiety and depression symptoms are that students are less likely to seek new connections. These symptoms pose a barrier forming new connections and this further isolates them.”

Though loneliness can manifest itself in various ways (which I’ll touch on later), there are many reasons college students often feel lonely, including:

Being away from home or moving to a new city
Not having an established group of friends
Lacking a familiar routine
Uncertainty about the future
Struggling to balance daily domestic activities, such as eating, washing clothes, cleaning, etc., with academic tasks and social activities
Lack of traditions around birthdays, holidays like Thanksgiving, and other big events
Not knowing what to study or what they are passionate about
Struggling with time management
Feeling as if no one else understands, or as if everyone else is happy
Academic challenges
Not getting along with a roommate

Feelings of loneliness can often lead college students to experience anxiety and depression, too.

As a result of these feelings, students often avoid interacting with others, which can, in turn, make students feel more alone.

Bottom Line: When preparing for college, the topic of loneliness is rarely discussed. However, the majority of students experience loneliness at some point in their college careers. Since many students experiencing loneliness may hesitate to reach out, it’s easy to feel as if no one else is lonely. In reality, more students than not are likely to be lonely at any given time.

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When Are College Students Most Likely To Experience Loneliness?

Transitioning From High School To College

Graduating high school is such a thrilling experience for so many students, especially for those attending college a few short months later.

Most students are so focused on what lies ahead, however, that they don’t realize what a major transition they are about to experience.

As a mental health therapist at Husson University, Nichole Proulx-King has often seen students struggle with loneliness in their first year of college. She explains to me:

“Loneliness can certainly peak at a variety of times in a student’s academic career. One of the most common times that we see loneliness is about halfway through [students’] first semester and at the start of the spring semester of their first year. There are many reasons for this, and among these is that for many, this is their first time being away from home.”

During the initial transition from high school to college, many students are likely to feel homesick.

Though homesickness isn’t unusual — one study suggests that 66% of college students felt homesick in their first year — it’s not something that most people talk about.

After my first week at school, I returned home to recover from a physically and emotionally draining week.

When telling one of my new acquaintances that I was going home, he asked, “Why? This is your home now.”

Not wanting to delve into my list of reasons — or start crying on the spot — I only smiled and muttered something about needing to get some things from home.

This, in addition to seeing everyone around me appearing to click instantly with their roommates and new friends, made me hesitant to talk about my loneliness.

Beyond homesickness causing loneliness in students, having to figure out real-world challenges can make college students feel frustrated and lonely, too.

Lindsey, who is now a Content marketing strategist, attended Brigham Young University. Though the transition from high school to college wasn’t difficult academically, she was surprised at how different her life felt in college.

“The first initial day at college was strange,” Lindsey tells me. “There was no one to come home to [who was] making dinner every night or doing the dishes while I studied.”

“I had to learn to not only be good at school and extracurriculars, but I also had to be good at balancing running errands, making dinner, and providing for myself. It was a fun transition, but it took time and a lot of practice before I figured out how to actually balance and manage everything. ”

While every college student will have unique experiences, most college students’ first experiences in college are filled with a dizzying mix of excitement, confusion, happiness, anxiety — and loneliness.

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Deciding Your Major Or Deciding To Change Majors Or Schools

Transitioning from high school to college is one of the biggest changes in many young adults’ lives, but deciding upon a major, changing majors — or even schools — can also trigger feelings of loneliness for students.

Though changing your major isn’t uncommon — approximately one-third of college students have changed majors by their third year — this environmental and academic shift can leave students feeling alone and inept.

My younger brother, Jacob, who is in his third year at the University of Virginia, experienced the stress and loneliness that came along from changing his major during his first year of college.

Initially majoring in engineering, he struggled with making the decision to change majors, especially since everyone around him seemed to be doing so well.

He tells me:

“During my first year of college, I felt really anxious because the engineering classes I was taking were extremely difficult, and it seemed like it took nearly every hour of every day just to stay afloat.

It also made me feel lonely because it seemed, from the outside, that everyone else was doing fine and that I was the only one struggling to that degree.

Before I had made the final decision to switch, I was worried about whether it would be the correct decision, since the decision was so final. I didn’t know if I should “tough it out” or if what I was doing at the time just wasn’t for me. It was hard to know for sure.”

For students who don’t necessarily know what major to choose, the possibilities and the pressure to choose the right major can be overwhelming.

Lindsey, who attended Brigham Young University, struggled to choose her major, an experience that caused frustration and loneliness at times.

Though she ultimately majored in marketing, making the decision wasn’t easy.

“I loved every class I took and wanted to do [everything],” Lindsey explains to me. “It was really hard deciding, especially because once I started my junior year, there was no more switching [majors].”

“The semester before my junior year, I applied to marketing, recreational therapy, and experience design management. I figured I would major in the choice that I was admitted for. In the end, I was admitted to all three, and this is where I had to make the ultimate decision. I had to decide what exactly I wanted to do after college, and that was a hard thing because I had no idea.”

In addition to the academic stress that can come with changing majors or schools, many students also worry about losing their established group of friends.

A childhood friend of mine, Christina, transferred from Olivet Nazarene University in Illinois to Regent University in our home state of Virginia after her freshman year.

She had initially studied zoology at Olivet, but after two semesters in Illinois, she decided to return to Virginia to study English.

Though she was certain transferring schools was the right choice for her, she was worried about starting over again at a new school.

She told me:

“My biggest concern [when transferring schools] was that I wouldn’t make any friends. I’m a stereotypical English major, shy and at least a little awkward, so making new friends has never been my strong suit.

However, I became really close friends with one of my roommates right away. She was a transfer student too, so we essentially got to start out at Regent together.”

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Having No Friends In College

Having a supportive network of people is important, especially for college students.

In addition to obvious social and emotional benefits, research suggests that friendships can also benefit students academically.

Despite being surrounded by hundreds, or even thousands, of people in college, however, making friends is often much harder than it was in high school.

For many students, their newfound freedom — and the lack of structure that accompanies it — is jarring, and makes it hard to make new friends.

Sara, who attended Portland State University, said that she struggled to make new connections when she was working towards her bachelor’s degree — and the people she did befriend didn’t stick around.

She tells me:

“I struggled to make lasting connections with anyone at my school [as an undergraduate]. The person I felt I had fostered a true friendship with moved away and the boyfriend I had been seeing cheated on me. It wasn’t a pretty time and took a toll on my self-esteem.”

When you struggle to make friends with other students, the absence of friends can be particularly upsetting when something major happens in your life.

Jeb, a sophomore at Ohio State University, was immensely lonely after a breakup with his girlfriend. Surrounded by other students he didn’t know, he realized how lonely he felt.

“A week after my girlfriend and I started taking a break, I tried to finalize the breakup but she was too busy to talk,” Jeb tells me.

“I felt extreme loneliness and sadness. I started crying in the dining hall, surrounded by strangers I didn’t know and who didn’t seem to care. I tried to think of who I could call so I could be around someone else. My mind drew a blank — I [realized that I] only had about two friends to contact.”

For introverted students like myself, making friends can be even more difficult. Crowded, loud parties never really appealed to me, and with limited energy, it was hard to make connections.

Kaila, a peer and friend of mine who also went to James Madison University, also felt that making friends as an introvert in college was difficult at times.

“I have a quiet and introverted personality, and always felt generally bad at making friends,” Kaila tells me.

“I usually felt overshadowed by the more outgoing people. I also didn’t always want to do the typical “college” shenanigans like partying and binge drinking. I was more happy doing laid-back, less exhilarating — at least to other people — activities.”

Dr. Ryan Roemer, PsyD (Doctor of Psychology), is the Manager of Adolescent Mental Health and Psychiatric Emergency Triage Services at Mission Hospital in Southern California.

A common reason college students struggle with loneliness, he says, has to do with connecting with others.

“I have found with my patients that loneliness can present itself in a lot of different ways,” he explains to me.

“I most commonly see it in young adults struggling to create a new social life now that they have left their high school groups, especially those far from home trying to find their place in an environment.”

Even though having no friends in college, especially when you first start out, is normal, that doesn’t mean the experience isn’t difficult.

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How Do College Students Overcome And Cope With Loneliness?

As common as loneliness is for people throughout college, it’s important for all students to learn how to cope.

Connect With Others

Just as is the case with other types of loneliness, connecting with others is often a crucial step to mitigating feelings of loneliness.

Sara, who studied editing and publishing at Portland State University, says that taking the time to take care of herself helped her to feel less alone, as did reaching out to others.

She tells me:

“I worked all the way through my college years, so I was able to meet and connect with fellow employees. One of them is my current roommate, and the other is still a close friend to this day.

My aunt and uncle were also incredible support systems for me and were always there to give advice or just listen to my sleep-deprived, stress-induced ramblings.

Taking physical education classes also helped me immensely, as these required frequent interaction with others and opened up opportunities for communication that weren’t coursework-related.”

As a college student, I found that making a point to talk to my friends and spending time with others made a huge difference in my overall well-being.

Sometimes, this just meant taking the time to get to know a classmate. Having a friend in my class made any subject more enjoyable, and on days when I couldn’t spend time with others outside of class, I had built-in time to socialize.

Otherwise, I made an effort to do something social that was unrelated to my classes at least once a week.

Even if I felt tired or anxious and wasn’t sure if I wanted to spend time with others, it was rare that I ever regretted taking the chance to socialize.

Be Aware Of Potential Symptoms Of Mental Illness And Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For Help

For college students, it’s also important to understand that there’s a difference between normal feelings of loneliness and more serious mental conditions, many of which are likely to occur in college-aged individuals.

In retrospect, I wish I had been more willing to reach out when I was struggling and feeling lonely; I was so hesitant and anxious to express how lonely I was, and being lonely in college sounded like a weird, if not silly, complaint.

Whenever I talk to college students now, I make sure to recommend that students take advantage of the resources they have and to talk to counselors, friends, and family if they are feeling sad or anxious, or dealing with depression-related loneliness.

Nichole Proulx-King works with college students as a mental health therapist. She advises students to pay attention to their feelings rather than ignore their loneliness in order to discern if their feelings are situational or part of a larger issue.

“Because all issues pertaining to mental health, physical health, and wellness are intertwined, it can sometimes be difficult to differentiate between loneliness and larger mental health issues,” Proulx-King explains to me.

“Since feelings of loneliness often occur along with symptoms like anxiety and depression, it is important to weigh whether or not they experience these feelings persistently, in certain situations, or across all settings.”

Know That You’re Not The Only One Who Is Lonely

Even though it may seem easier to keep feelings of loneliness private, talking about feeling lonely can actually help you connect with others.

Throughout college, I felt as if no one else understood my loneliness. Now, however, I’m both surprised and comforted to know that feeling lonely isn’t and wasn’t unusual.

Kaila, a friend of mine from college, agrees that realizing how normal loneliness is for college students can be reassuring.

She tells me:

“[Students should] know that it’s totally normal to be lonely, and to just be honest with yourself and others about it. Don’t force yourself to fit into a certain mold or clique.

And don’t keep all of your emotions bottled up. Find a good person to talk to and just have faith that there are people, activities, and support groups made just for you.”

Bottom Line: Learning to cope with loneliness in college is an important skill students can use throughout their life. These skills include: taking the time to connect with others, even in small ways, to help you to feel less alone; taking care of your mental health and knowing when to reach out for help to ease the burden of isolation; talking about your experiences with loneliness; and realizing how common feeling lonely actually is, often make it easier to befriend others and begin to feel less alone.

In Conclusion

As a college student, you will have days when you’re excited to learn and feel surrounded by people who care about you.

You’ll also have lonely days, too — days you miss your mom’s cooking or your high school friends.

Even though most people talk about their good days, the lonely days are normal, too, at least every once in a while.

On days when you feel lonely, know that even if everyone around you seems as if they’re fitting in and adjusting easily, you’re not the only person who is lonely.

And on the days where you feel like you’re exactly where you belong, reach out to others — you’ll be surprised to find that so many other students are lonely, and the simple act of reaching out can help someone else who’s also lonely feel like they, too, belong.

Enjoy being alone and experience a different life - Web Journalist. Faculty of Journalism BSU

Once upon a time, we often thought: “after I entered college, I should have many, many friends. ” Learn knowledge. I study hard, and then I will definitely succeed,” and that is how we came to university with a dream. At the time when we just came to the university, we were very curious about everything that was around, and always strive； Over time, our novelty in the university fades, and we gradually find that the university is not as we would like, and gradually we find that the college is not as many people as we would like, in the same class, during the year, perhaps not even everyone knows; roommates from tiannanhaibei and we grow up in different cultures, even we feel like there are less and less friends in college, unlike previous school days. We start out dining alone, studying alone, watching a movie alone, traveling alone… perhaps life would be a very lonely journey. On this lonely journey, we grow up enjoying the landscape of loneliness. nine0003

Do you ask everyone when you usually feel alone? You can get this answer: “when you yourself study; when you walk down the road; when you go to the hospital; when you buy something you like but don't know who to give it to; when you yourself watched a very interesting film, but didn’t know who to share it with. ”……”

When you find that most people don’t have a goal and don’t have people who come with us thinking differently, that too doesn't seem like a bad thing." One person learns in himself that he himself can be a teacher；When you walk along the side of the road, you can choose the flowers on the side of the road to distinguish the flowers；Going to the hospital itself does not require surgery, so I can take care of myself completely ； After you buy something you like, you can save it for later so that you can send it to anyone；Watched interesting movies that you can then recommend to others. nine0003

All I'm saying is that in college you pursue your own goals, try to stick to them, and encourage yourself. Maybe sometimes we would like very much to unite in a group, be inseparable from our roommates or friends, eat, attend classes and play together；but all this cannot solve our inner loneliness. After the revelry of the crowd, instead, there is more and more emptiness and loneliness inside. In the end, we still can't run away from our heart, and it's only when we collide with our heart that we can no longer be alone. After many lonely nights, perhaps we will understand the truth that in our life, most of all, we can live only with ourselves, only with ourselves; we must learn to live with ourselves in order to be better with others; we can only live happier by learning to be good and alone. nine0003

Loneliness is simply a state of life, not a psychological feeling.

Although the process of accepting loneliness can be difficult and lengthy, during which we need to constantly inculcate this fact in ourselves, slowly we will get used to and we will get along with loneliness. I hope we can all become stronger and embrace loneliness.

How to learn to be alone

August 16, 2021 Life

An inspiring experience that proves that time alone is priceless. nine0003

Liana Gergeli

Author, content strategist and brand marketing expert. She has written for HuffPost, InStyle, Thought Catalog and Medium.

I go to the cinema alone. I visit museums alone. Dinner alone (and yes, I have resisted the temptation to scroll through Instagram* while I wait for my order). I sit alone in a coffee shop and leaf through a magazine. I take a train ticket alone and go to a new city, where I walk all alone.

I understand that this may seem very strange. You probably think that I'm a nice weirdo, and also very lonely. It's funny, but I was much more lonely before I started spending time by myself. The constant feeling that I was not at ease, and the feeling that I needed the people around me like air - this was loneliness. The feeling of constant anxiety and fear that the guy will leave me - this is loneliness. And spending time alone is peace. It is interesting. And it boosts self-esteem. And now I will tell you how I learned to spend time alone. nine0003

1. Just do it. And don't try to look cool

Everyone is tired of the Nike cliche, but still Just do it. Since this all started. How embarrassing it was to go to the cinema alone for the first time and sit there with a backpack on the next chair, pretending to other cinema visitors that the guy went out for drinks and was about to return. This feeling will pass, as will the fear of people who supposedly think something about why you spend time alone.

Do not try to be cool in the eyes of others. Most likely, you will never meet these strangers again in your life, and they will discuss the film, not you. nine0003

2. Make a list of your favorite things. And don't wait for anyone

I realized that I should spend time by myself when there were things I wanted to do, but friends who could keep me company were always busy or had other plans.

If your favorite band is about to play the only gig in town and none of your friends can go, don't waste your chance to make your dream come true. You can wait forever for others to be free, and in the end realize that the moment has passed. Plus, planning something for yourself doesn't require a bunch of messaging and stupid group chats. nine0003

So take a piece of paper and write down every thing you love and want to do but never did because there was no one around. Now this excuse is not accepted.

3. Make a schedule. Don't cancel your plans

Once a week I schedule an evening to spend by myself. That means I'll go to the movies alone, or I'll wallow in my pajamas and watch Sex and the City. The line in the schedule serves as written confirmation that I should please myself, and will help me not to change my plans if something unexpected happens. I do not want to refuse friends, but now I am learning to be my own friend. nine0003

It's a great relief to have one evening devoted exclusively to yourself, when you don't have to worry about whether all your friends' plans will coincide, when you don't have to leave the house if you want to lie on the couch. I spend time with myself and do what makes me happy. No stress. No hard decisions. It's easy and doable. And most importantly, this is a chance to be honest with yourself: to decide what I really want, and what is easier said than done.

Last year I became single of my own accord. Not because of circumstances. Not because no one wanted to communicate with me or I could not find a suitable companion. nine0003

Many people find it hard to believe that I refuse to date. And often I look weird in the eyes of my grumpy old aunt or college friends.

Why do some people choose to be single of their own accord? To spend time alone? Am I missing out on an important part of my life if I don't Tinder and date? What if that one walked by and I didn't notice because I was too busy with myself?

I'm not ashamed of my loneliness to say out loud that dating myself has been the most stable, non-anxious, relaxing relationship imaginable. No need to wait for a response to a message (or agonize over whether my message was too flirtatious, too demanding, too wordy), and never even thought that the other person might misunderstand me.

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