Infidelity and depression
SAMHSA’s National Helpline | SAMHSA
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SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.
Also visit the online treatment locator.
SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357) (also known as the Treatment Referral Routing Service), or TTY: 1-800-487-4889 is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders.
This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations.
Also visit the online treatment locator, or send your zip code via text message: 435748 (HELP4U) to find help near you. Read more about the HELP4U text messaging service.
The service is open 24/7, 365 days a year.
English and Spanish are available if you select the option to speak with a national representative. Currently, the 435748 (HELP4U) text messaging service is only available in English.
In 2020, the Helpline received 833,598 calls. This is a 27 percent increase from 2019, when the Helpline received a total of 656,953 calls for the year.
The referral service is free of charge. If you have no insurance or are underinsured, we will refer you to your state office, which is responsible for state-funded treatment programs.
In addition, we can often refer you to facilities that charge on a sliding fee scale or accept Medicare or Medicaid. If you have health insurance, you are encouraged to contact your insurer for a list of participating health care providers and facilities.
The service is confidential. We will not ask you for any personal information. We may ask for your zip code or other pertinent geographic information in order to track calls being routed to other offices or to accurately identify the local resources appropriate to your needs.
No, we do not provide counseling. Trained information specialists answer calls, transfer callers to state services or other appropriate intake centers in their states, and connect them with local assistance and support.
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Suggested Resources
What Is Substance Abuse Treatment? A Booklet for Families
Created for family members of people with alcohol abuse or drug abuse problems.
Answers questions about substance abuse, its symptoms, different types of treatment, and recovery. Addresses concerns of children of parents with substance use/abuse problems.It's Not Your Fault (NACoA) (PDF | 12 KB)
Assures teens with parents who abuse alcohol or drugs that, "It's not your fault!" and that they are not alone. Encourages teens to seek emotional support from other adults, school counselors, and youth support groups such as Alateen, and provides a resource list.After an Attempt: A Guide for Taking Care of Your Family Member After Treatment in the Emergency Department
Aids family members in coping with the aftermath of a relative's suicide attempt. Describes the emergency department treatment process, lists questions to ask about follow-up treatment, and describes how to reduce risk and ensure safety at home.Family Therapy Can Help: For People in Recovery From Mental Illness or Addiction
Explores the role of family therapy in recovery from mental illness or substance abuse.
Explains how family therapy sessions are run and who conducts them, describes a typical session, and provides information on its effectiveness in recovery.For additional resources, please visit the SAMHSA Store.
Last Updated
Last Updated: 08/30/2022
Alcohol, Tobacco, and Other Drugs
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Misusing alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs can have both immediate and long-term health effects.The misuse and abuse of alcohol, tobacco, illicit drugs, and prescription medications affect the health and well-being of millions of Americans. NSDUH estimates allow researchers, clinicians, policymakers, and the general public to better understand and improve the nation’s behavioral health. These reports and detailed tables present estimates from the 2021 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH).
Alcohol
Data:
- Among the 133.1 million current alcohol users aged 12 or older in 2021, 60.0 million people (or 45.1%) were past month binge drinkers. The percentage of people who were past month binge drinkers was highest among young adults aged 18 to 25 (29.2% or 9.8 million people), followed by adults aged 26 or older (22.4% or 49.3 million people), then by adolescents aged 12 to 17 (3.8% or 995,000 people). (2021 NSDUH)
- Among people aged 12 to 20 in 2021, 15.1% (or 5.9 million people) were past month alcohol users. Estimates of binge alcohol use and heavy alcohol use in the past month among underage people were 8.3% (or 3.2 million people) and 1.6% (or 613,000 people), respectively. (2021 NSDUH)
- In 2020, 50.0% of people aged 12 or older (or 138.5 million people) used alcohol in the past month (i.e., current alcohol users) (2020 NSDUH)
- Among the 138.5 million people who were current alcohol users, 61.6 million people (or 44.
4%) were classified as binge drinkers and 17.7 million people (28.8% of current binge drinkers and 12.8% of current alcohol users) were classified as heavy drinkers (2020 NSDUH) - The percentage of people who were past month binge alcohol users was highest among young adults aged 18 to 25 (31.4%) compared with 22.9% of adults aged 26 or older and 4.1% of adolescents aged 12 to 17 (2020 NSDUH)
- Excessive alcohol use can increase a person’s risk of stroke, liver cirrhosis, alcoholic hepatitis, cancer, and other serious health conditions
- Excessive alcohol use can also lead to risk-taking behavior, including driving while impaired. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that 29 people in the United States die in motor vehicle crashes that involve an alcohol-impaired driver daily
Programs/Initiatives:
- STOP Underage Drinking interagency portal - Interagency Coordinating Committee on the Prevention of Underage Drinking
- Interagency Coordinating Committee on the Prevention of Underage Drinking
- Talk.
They Hear You. - Underage Drinking: Myths vs. Facts
- Talking with your College-Bound Young Adult About Alcohol
Relevant links:
- National Association of State Alcohol and Drug Abuse Directors
- Department of Transportation Office of Drug & Alcohol Policy & Compliance
- Alcohol Policy Information Systems Database (APIS)
- National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism
Tobacco
Data:
- In 2020, 20.7% of people aged 12 or older (or 57.3 million people) used nicotine products (i.e., used tobacco products or vaped nicotine) in the past month (2020 NSDUH)
- Among past month users of nicotine products, nearly two thirds of adolescents aged 12 to 17 (63.1%) vaped nicotine but did not use tobacco products. In contrast, 88.9% of past month nicotine product users aged 26 or older used only tobacco products (2020 NSDUH)
- Tobacco use is the leading cause of preventable death, often leading to lung cancer, respiratory disorders, heart disease, stroke, and other serious illnesses.
The CDC reports that cigarette smoking causes more than 480,000 deaths each year in the United States - The CDC’s Office on Smoking and Health reports that more than 16 million Americans are living with a disease caused by smoking cigarettes
Electronic cigarette (e-cigarette) use data:
- In 2021, 13.2 million people aged 12 or older (or 4.7%) used an e-cigarette or other vaping device to vape nicotine in the past month. The percentage of people who vaped nicotine was highest among young adults aged 18 to 25 (14.1% or 4.7 million people), followed by adolescents aged 12 to 17 (5.2% or 1.4 million people), then by adults aged 26 or older (3.2% or 7.1 million people).
- Among people aged 12 to 20 in 2021, 11.0% (or 4.3 million people) used tobacco products or used an e-cigarette or other vaping device to vape nicotine in the past month. Among people in this age group, 8.1% (or 3.1 million people) vaped nicotine, 5.4% (or 2.1 million people) used tobacco products, and 3.
4% (or 1.3 million people) smoked cigarettes in the past month. (2021 NSDUH) - Data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s 2020 National Youth Tobacco Survey. Among both middle and high school students, current use of e-cigarettes declined from 2019 to 2020, reversing previous trends and returning current e-cigarette use to levels similar to those observed in 2018
- E-cigarettes are not safe for youth, young adults, or pregnant women, especially because they contain nicotine and other chemicals
Resources:
- Tips for Teens: Tobacco
- Tips for Teens: E-cigarettes
- Implementing Tobacco Cessation Programs in Substance Use Disorder Treatment Settings
- Synar Amendment Program
Links:
- Truth Initiative
- FDA Center for Tobacco Products
- CDC Office on Smoking and Health
- National Institute on Drug Abuse: Tobacco, Nicotine, and E-Cigarettes
- National Institute on Drug Abuse: E-Cigarettes
Opioids
Data:
- Among people aged 12 or older in 2021, 3.
3% (or 9.2 million people) misused opioids (heroin or prescription pain relievers) in the past year. Among the 9.2 million people who misused opioids in the past year, 8.7 million people misused prescription pain relievers compared with 1.1 million people who used heroin. These numbers include 574,000 people who both misused prescription pain relievers and used heroin in the past year. (2021 NSDUH) - Among people aged 12 or older in 2020, 3.4% (or 9.5 million people) misused opioids in the past year. Among the 9.5 million people who misused opioids in the past year, 9.3 million people misused prescription pain relievers and 902,000 people used heroin (2020 NSDUH)
- According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s Understanding the Epidemic, an average of 128 Americans die every day from an opioid overdose
Resources:
- Medications for Substance Use Disorders
- Opioid Overdose Prevention Toolkit
- TIP 63: Medications for Opioid Use Disorder
- Use of Medication-Assisted Treatment for Opioid Use Disorder in Criminal Justice Settings
- Opioid Use Disorder and Pregnancy
- Clinical Guidance for Treating Pregnant and Parenting Women With Opioid Use Disorder and Their Infants
- The Facts about Buprenorphine for Treatment of Opioid Addiction
- Pregnancy Planning for Women Being Treated for Opioid Use Disorder
- Tips for Teens: Opioids
- Rural Opioid Technical Assistance Grants
- Tribal Opioid Response Grants
- Provider’s Clinical Support System - Medication Assisted Treatment Grant Program
Links:
- National Institute on Drug Abuse: Opioids
- National Institute on Drug Abuse: Heroin
- HHS Prevent Opioid Abuse
- Community Anti-Drug Coalitions of America
- Addiction Technology Transfer Center (ATTC) Network
- Prevention Technology Transfer Center (PTTC) Network
Marijuana
Data:
- In 2021, marijuana was the most commonly used illicit drug, with 18.
7% of people aged 12 or older (or 52.5 million people) using it in the past year. The percentage was highest among young adults aged 18 to 25 (35.4% or 11.8 million people), followed by adults aged 26 or older (17.2% or 37.9 million people), then by adolescents aged 12 to 17 (10.5% or 2.7 million people). - The percentage of people who used marijuana in the past year was highest among young adults aged 18 to 25 (34.5%) compared with 16.3% of adults aged 26 or older and 10.1% of adolescents aged 12 to 17 (2020 NSDUH)
- Marijuana can impair judgment and distort perception in the short term and can lead to memory impairment in the long term
- Marijuana can have significant health effects on youth and pregnant women.
Resources:
- Know the Risks of Marijuana
- Marijuana and Pregnancy
- Tips for Teens: Marijuana
Relevant links:
- National Institute on Drug Abuse: Marijuana
- Addiction Technology Transfer Centers on Marijuana
- CDC Marijuana and Public Health
Emerging Trends in Substance Misuse:
- Methamphetamine—In 2019, NSDUH data show that approximately 2 million people used methamphetamine in the past year.
Approximately 1 million people had a methamphetamine use disorder, which was higher than the percentage in 2016, but similar to the percentages in 2015 and 2018. The National Institute on Drug Abuse Data shows that overdose death rates involving methamphetamine have quadrupled from 2011 to 2017. Frequent meth use is associated with mood disturbances, hallucinations, and paranoia. - Cocaine—In 2019, NSDUH data show an estimated 5.5 million people aged 12 or older were past users of cocaine, including about 778,000 users of crack. The CDC reports that overdose deaths involving have increased by one-third from 2016 to 2017. In the short term, cocaine use can result in increased blood pressure, restlessness, and irritability. In the long term, severe medical complications of cocaine use include heart attacks, seizures, and abdominal pain.
- Kratom—In 2019, NSDUH data show that about 825,000 people had used Kratom in the past month. Kratom is a tropical plant that grows naturally in Southeast Asia with leaves that can have psychotropic effects by affecting opioid brain receptors.
It is currently unregulated and has risk of abuse and dependence. The National Institute on Drug Abuse reports that health effects of Kratom can include nausea, itching, seizures, and hallucinations.
Resources:
- Tips for Teens: Methamphetamine
- Tips for Teens: Cocaine
- National Institute on Drug Abuse
More SAMHSA publications on substance use prevention and treatment.
Last Updated
Last Updated: 03/22/2023
How to overcome depression due to infidelity / Couples therapy
One of the more difficult situations what a person can experience in a relationship is infidelity. This is a very painful event in which the person we love betrays the pact of trust and loyalty that we have established from the very beginning of the relationship, this is also considered a lack of respect, so strong that it affects too much self-love. It also involves recognizing and accepting the fact that a person who is not only a couple, but also considers himself a friend and confidant and has betrayed us with another person.
It is for this reason that the fact is sometimes added that a married couple has many common life goals, in some cases having children together, many years of relationship, etc. this infidelity can even end in depression. It is true that after suppressing infidelity it is difficult to overcome depression, but it is also impossible to achieve it. In this online psychology article, we will give you a series of tips that will surely help you learn How to overcome depression due to infidelity .
You may also be interested in: How to overcome infidelity in marriage
Psychological damage due to infidelity
It is clear that the consequences that a person who has been betrayed by his partner can suffer can be quite serious, as the fact of suffering depression, however below we will mention what symptoms, in particular, the person experienced before starting to be depressed: is it with me?”, “¿what time?”, “I didn’t expect him (her)”, “I can’t believe it”, “¿will there be another better than me?”, “¿he no longer wants me in life?”, “¿Will I be able to forgive him one day?”, etc.
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- Learn to discern the pain of suffering.
It is normal to feel sad after facing a difficult situation, such as discovering that your partner has betrayed you, it is impossible that despite this we can be calm and happy, at least not at the time but for a longer time. However, there is a limit between the pain that is considered normal and the suffering we inflict. but, ¿How do you know to what extent it is pain or suffering? Pain does not last longer than suffering, because suffering is self-generated when we resist accepting the situation, when we turn our heads again and again and consciously return to the experience of what hurts us and therefore it can last whatever we want. . - Express how you feel. In order to be able to accept normal pain and avoid suffering from the occurrence, it is necessary to let off steam, that is, not to remain with the emotions that arise due to infidelity, which will turn against you. On the contrary, the best thing you can do is talk about everything you feel with someone you trust, and cry, write, scream, explain how you can do it best.
In this way, gradually, you will remove all these negative emotions and prevent them from stagnating. - Live the duel. All difficult situations that we encounter in life involve a process of mourning during which we begin by assimilating the situation, experiencing it and overcoming it. Therefore, as I mentioned earlier, it is normal that you feel sad and that you do not feel good at this time, keep in mind that in order to overcome infidelity, you must take your time and live your own process.
- Take care of your appearance. When we are depressed in many cases, we usually leave aside our appearance and personal care, this causes us to create a vicious circle, and our despondency increases. So the best thing you can do, even if it costs you in the beginning, is to keep taking care of yourself, organizing yourself, accepting you right, etc. from now on, you will feel better with yourself.
- Psychological therapy. Depression is a medical condition that needs to be treated, so you should see a healthcare professional to assess you and suggest the appropriate treatment for your situation.
- Stay active. Depression limits us and robs us of energy, the problem is that the more inactive we are, the worse we feel. It is necessary to make an effort to stay active (even) just to go for a walk, this will help you a lot, because every time you do this, although at first it seems that you are not doing it, you will feel better.
In this other article, we will give you more tips so you know how to get over infidelity and continue with your partner.
This article is for informational purposes only: in online psychology, we do not have the faculty to make a diagnosis or recommend treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to How to beat depression due to infidelity , we recommend that you enter our couples therapy category.
Infidelity: Why we shouldn't be too trusting
- William Parke
- BBC Future
Image copyright Getty Images
Of course, we want to think only good things about our loved one, but perhaps we shouldn't be too gullible.
Mike Pence refuses to dine alone with a woman unless she is his wife. In the eyes of the Vice President of the United States, this is a sign of respect for his wife, Karen, as well as a rule that reflects his strict religious views.
Some consider this approach to be a good solution for those men who cannot control their behavior. Others have called Pence's position condescending towards women, sexist and offensive.
(By the way, this position is not uncommon: according to one study, about 5.7% of respondents believed that buying food for a person of the opposite sex can be regarded as an act of infidelity, that is, treason.)
Whatever you think about the reasons for such behavior of the American vice president, at least he and his wife clearly outlined the boundaries of what is decent for them and what is not in relations with people of the opposite sex. This is not the case for many heterosexual couples.
It is often very difficult for people to give a precise definition of infidelity. Many people greatly underestimate the likelihood that their partner will cheat (despite the fact that they themselves have cheated or are cheating).
In addition, these people do not understand well what to do if this happens to them (and the reaction of others often surprises them).
Given the prevalence of infidelity, this lack of understanding and inability to discuss the topic together is the cause of many heartbreaks - and a number of psychologists believe that we should talk more openly with each other about this.
Finding out how many people have been unfaithful to their partners is not easy - also because scientists rely on honest confessions in such studies.
As a result, estimates of the number of cases of infidelity can vary widely and often depend on how the data was collected.
- Scientists: a male traitor can be recognized by his face. A woman - no
- How to separate an unfaithful husband from his mistress: 33 Chinese ways
- How did they deal with those who decided to divorce in medieval Transylvania
- A world in which it is impossible to lie - is it good or bad?
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The highest estimate is that 75% of men and 68% of women have admitted to committing an act of infidelity in one way or another at some point in their relationship (although more recent 2017 studies show roughly the same percentage of men and women cheating ).
According to minimal estimates, the proportion of cheating in relationships is 14%, still quite a lot.
And yet only 5% believe that their partner has cheated or will cheat in the future. So even the most conservative estimates suggest that this happens much more often than people expect. Perhaps we are too trusting in a relationship.
"Those of us who are not depressed tend to be overly optimistic about the likelihood that something bad will happen," comments Susan Boon of the University of Calgary (Canada).
"And one of the manifestations of such optimism is the small assumption of a partner's infidelity. On the other hand, believing in your partner is a healthier approach for the relationship than watching his behavior all the time with suspicion."
Image copyright, Getty Images
Image caption,Approximately one in twenty heterosexual couples consider it cheating to buy food for someone of the opposite sex
This is where one of the problems comes in: the word "infidelity" means different things to different people . Scientists can formulate what it means, but each of us will still interpret it in our own way.
"I'm not sure I understand why people don't talk to each other about this, given how often infidelity occurs in movies or songs," Boon says.
"We do not all know how diverse points of view on this are, how different the standards of behavior are for different people. We mistakenly believe that if we ourselves regard this or that behavior as cheating, then our partner thinks the same way. People prefer think it won't happen to them."
- Women regret casual sex less if they initiate it themselves
- How often do men think about sex?
About 70% of us have never discussed with our loved one what exactly can be considered infidelity. Here, for example, is a mobile dating app. Can it be considered a manifestation of infidelity that a person downloaded it to his smartphone?
Between 18 and 25% of Tinder users are in stable relationships. Probably, if Tinder helps them find a new partner and meet, then this can be considered infidelity. It is no coincidence that such Tinder users are more likely to agree to sex without commitment.
Participants in the study, who were asked if they allowed the possibility that their partner had been unfaithful to them, could interpret "infidelity" as they pleased. So just 5% is a surprisingly small percentage.
For some, infidelity is just sex, but for others, even light flirting may be considered as such. However, even when we are given the freedom to interpret the concept of "infidelity", we are still overly optimistic and believe that this will not happen to us.
So-called emotional infidelity is particularly difficult to define. This often happens in the workplace when intertwined professional and personal interests form close relationships. Such relationships easily grow from quite innocent to something more intimate.
- "Office marriage" makes us happier
- The whole truth about office romances
In one of the studies, scientists were interested in women's views on relationships in the workplace. Women (30 to 50 years old in a committed relationship) were asked questions about situations where the line between what was acceptable and what was not acceptable in the office was blurred.
"I can't lie, I'm waiting to see him at work," one of them confessed. "I feel like a stupid schoolgirl who has fallen in love with someone. Well, you know, you see him and - ah!.. It worries you so much..."
The interviewees concluded that physical intimacy is not at all necessary in order to feel that you have been emotionally unfaithful to your regular partner.
It is enough that you hide something from him, think about something else, trust another. All of this could very well happen given the amount of time we spend at work.
Image copyright, Getty Images
Image caption,About 70% have cheated on their partner at some point in their lives
Respondents said trusting a partner is important for a healthy relationship. But the behavior of your partner's friends can open your eyes to his own attitudes towards fidelity and infidelity.
The greater the proportion of your friends who you believe have cheated on their partners, the more likely it is that you yourself have done so in the past - and will do so in the future.
The fact is that we tend to surround ourselves with people who seem to relate to the problem of adultery.
It is clear that most people in monogamous relationships believe that it is morally wrong to cheat on a partner. Well, if someone did cheat, would it be the best way to admit guilt?
When researchers ask this question, people tend to answer yes. More than 90% of those surveyed say they would like to know if a partner has cheated on them.
One of the studies says that the importance of fidelity and purity is the basis of the moral assessments of such people.
In fact, loyalty is more important than the fear of hurting someone's feelings. If the most important thing is not to hurt, then people argued that it was better and more ethical to keep a casual romance on the side a secret than to admit it.
Whether this is really the best way out is another matter. Infidelity is the leading cause of divorce in the United States.
- How the breakup of a relationship will affect your personality
- What is the danger of believing in true and only love0098 Admitting infidelity certainly hurts the feelings of a loved one, but different people react to it in very different ways.
Greg Tortoriello, a psychologist at the University of Alabama, has studied how people are affected by perceived breakups, especially those who suffer from bad luck.
One example is narcissistic people who seek approval from others in everything and focus on how to properly present themselves.
"We evaluated two types of narcissists - "grand" and "vulnerable" - says Tortoriello.
"The grandiose narcissist has an incredibly inflated self-importance, while the vulnerable narcissist is sensitive to other people's assessments and usually not so sure of himself. In both cases, the slightest threat can provoke an aggressive reaction.
"
In one of Tortoriello's studies, participants were asked to imagine that their partner was caught in various forms of infidelity.
Some options were emotional infidelity (partner was talking to someone on the phone late at night and didn't respond to your messages), others were sexual.
Image copyright, Getty Images
Image caption,Personality traits such as narcissism can greatly influence how people respond to infidelity
"Great narcissists wanted to regain power and control in a relationship when emotional infidelity was threatened" , - says Tortoriello.
"This took the form of verbal threats, physical threats, surveillance. But we did not observe any deeper negative emotions in connection with these hypothetical situations."
Vulnerable narcissists, having learned about their partner's emotional infidelity, spent more time worrying, plunging headlong into negative emotions.
They took infidelity more to heart.
- "I found out that my father was cheating on my mother, but I didn't dare tell her"
- Can't save the relationship? Blame it all on your mother, scientists advise
From a clinical point of view, the diagnosis of narcissism is black and white. Either you are a narcissist or you are not.
But most behavioral psychologists, such as Tortoriello, view narcissism as a scale in which each of us is a narcissist to a greater or lesser degree.
In this study, the scientist selected those who scored above average on the narcissistic scale, but were not necessarily pathological narcissists.
"If you are in a relationship with one of these people and are sexually unfaithful to him, then most likely he will try to regain dominance, which will manifest itself in rather destructive behavior. But in the case of emotional infidelity, everything will be even more complicated," notes Tortoriello.
"Vulnerable narcissists may not tell you that they are worried about the state of your relationship, that things are not going well for them. And if I were asked for advice, I would say that the most important thing in such a relationship is to find a way to talk honestly with each other and support this opportunity in every possible way.
Forgiveness is likely if the infidelity was an isolated incident and if a sincere apology was offered.
However, both Tortoriello and Boon emphasize again and again that people react very differently to hypothetical situations and to reality.
"Respondents unanimously tell researchers that they would end a relationship with an unfaithful partner, but that's not always the case in real life," says Boone. "It's often really the end of a marriage, but sometimes not at all."
- Adultery: when celebrities forgave
Tortoriello is considering starting to collect real-life data and would like to study the versions of events given by both parties as a couple.
