Kinds of boundaries
6 Types of Boundaries & Questions to Explore Them
6 Types of Boundaries + Questions to Explore Them
We love boundaries. Boundaries are the foundation of healthy relationships.
They’re what help us protect our energy and prioritize our time & wellness. We’ve talked a lot about them before–workplace boundaries, boundaries while social distancing, kindly & firmly communicating boundaries, and how setting them can transform your relationships–but we’re not quite done with them yet. Today we’re going to be talking about the six types of boundaries you should be setting. These types include:
- physical boundaries
- emotional boundaries
- time boundaries
- sexual boundaries
- intellectual boundaries
- material boundaries
Let’s jump into each one:
What are physical boundaries?Physical boundaries would be the types of boundaries you set regarding your body, your touch, your space, what you eat and drink, and when you’re active and resting. Questions you can ask yourself to explore your physical boundaries could be:
- How am I comfortable being touched by others? (Hugs, handshakes, high fives, not at all, etc.)
- Who am I comfortable being touched by? (Friends, partners, family, co-workers, etc.)
- Am I comfortable with people coming into my bedroom, or is that space just for me?
- Is there anyone who’s input I would like in regard to food I make & eat?
- Are there foods or drinks I won’t have? (ex.: alcoholic beverages)
- How will I prioritize the time I need to rest?
Emotional boundaries are the types of boundaries you set regarding what you’re comfortable sharing emotionally with others. This is things like deciding when to share and when to take time to yourself, deciding your capacity for listening and supporting others, what you’re comfortable sharing with others, etc.
Questions to help you explore your emotional boundaries could be:
- Who will I turn to when I need to discuss something personal? Who am I not comfortable sharing personal things with?
- How will I make space to process my own emotions so that when I share I’m not just “dumping” problems onto someone else?
- How will my chosen confidants check in with one another on our capacity for listening/sharing?
- What types of things am I not comfortable sharing with friends, family, etc.?
Time boundaries are the boundaries you set for yourself regarding how you spend your time, how you prioritize your time, what your time is worth, etc. Questions you can ask yourself to explore these time boundaries can be:
- How much time would I like to reserve just for myself every day/week/etc.?
- What takes priority when I am dividing up my free time?
- If someone asks you to collaborate or work together professionally, what do you charge per hour? How will you decide what extra projects to devote time to?
Sex educators all over the internet have been working hard in recent years to address the importance of sexual boundaries! These include things like consent, establishing communication patterns, setting rules about safety, etc.
Questions to help you explore and communicate your sexual boundaries can be things like:
- How do I communicate consent verbally? And h do I communicate it non-verbally? How does my sexual partner?
- What types of sexual intimacy am I comfortable with? What about my partner?
- How do I like to communicate when sexually intimate? Mainly body language? Mainly verbally? A mixture of both?
- What are my limits regarding sexual safety? Are multiple forms of contraception necessary for me to feel comfortable (condom + pill/IUD/etc.)? Do I prefer going with my partner to get tested for STIs? How will I manage STI health + safety?
Intellectual boundaries are the types of boundaries we set that relate to our thoughts and ideas. Things like how we respond to someone not respecting our ideas, how we communicate with others, when we discuss something vs. when we know it’s not a good time.
Questions we can ask ourselves to explore these boundaries include:
- What does respecting ideas & other perspectives mean to me? I.e. What behavior from others will make me feel that my ideas are being dismissed or diminished? What will I do take care of myself if that happens?
- How will I show others I respect their ideas and perspectives?
- What will signify to me that it’s time to walk away from a discussion? (are you okay with friendly debates? Are you okay with heated debates? Do you prefer to remove yourself from conversations before heated turns to conflict?)
- How will you communicate when it’s time for you to remove yourself from a conversation?
- How will you communicate that your ideas aren’t being respected?
These are boundaries regarding your material possessions, your home, etc. Questions you can use to explore your material boundaries can be:
- What can I afford to share?
- What am I willing to share?
- How will I share what I have?
- Who will I share with?
- What will I not share?
Boundaries not only protect our time and energy, but they also help to protect our relationships.
They make us examine our own limits and challenge us to communicate more directly, which helps to prevent miscommunications, misunderstandings and built up resentment.
If you need help figuring out what your boundaries are, get in touch with us today and one of our therapists can help you!
7 Types of Boundaries You May Need
We all need boundaries.
Boundaries keep us safe.
Boundaries differentiate me from you.
Boundaries help us focus on whats most important to us.
And boundaries improve relationships by creating clear expectations and responsibilities.
But it can be hard to figure out what boundaries you need to set.
One way to identify your boundaries is to think about the areas of your life where youre experiencing problems. Do you constantly feel exhausted? Do you feel uncomfortable around your coworker Kevin? Do you feel resentful of your mothers intrusions? Each of these problems is telling you that youre lacking boundaries in this area of your life.
Ive identified seven common types of boundaries. Understanding each type can help you clarify the specific boundaries that you may need.
Physical boundaries protect your space and body, your right to not be touched, to have privacy, and to meet your physical needs such as resting or eating. They tell others how close they can get to you, what kind of physical touch (if any) is okay, how much privacy you need, and how to behave in your personal space. A physical boundary clearly defines that your body and personal space belong to you.
Examples:
When someone sits uncomfortably close to you, you move away or say, I need a little more personal space.
We dont keep or consume alcohol at our house.
Sexual boundaries protect your right to consent, to ask for what you like sexually, and to honesty about your partners sexual history. They define what kind of sexual touch and intimacy you want, how often, when, where, and with whom.
Examples:
Id like to be touched like this.
Thuy has a personal policy of not having sex on the first date.
Emotional or mental boundaries protect your right to have your own feelings and thoughts, to not have your feelings criticized or invalidated, and not have to take care of other people’s feelings. Emotional boundaries differentiate your feelings from other peoples, so youre accountable for your own feelings, but not responsible for how others feel. Emotional boundaries also allow us to create emotional safety by respecting each other’s feelings, not oversharing personal information thats inappropriate for the nature or level of closeness in the relationship.
Examples:
I dont feel comfortable discussing this.
I feel embarrassed and powerless when you chastise me in front of our kids. Id like you to stop.
Spiritual boundaries protect your right to believe in what you want, worship as you wish, and practice your spiritual or religious beliefs.
Examples:
Im going to take a moment and say a silent prayer before we eat.
Paul goes to church alone because his partner doesnt share his beliefs.
Financial and material boundaries protect your financial resources and possessions, your right to spend your money as you choose, to not give or loan your money or possessions if you dont want to, and your right to be paid by an employer as agreed.
Examples:
Im on a budget, so I brought my lunch from home and wont be ordering lunch today.
Please dont borrow my car without asking.
Time boundaries protect how you spend your time. They protect you from agreeing to do things you don’t want to do, having people waste your time, and being overworked.
Examples:
I reserve my evenings for family time. Ill respond to all work emails first thing in the morning.
Dad, I dont have time to take you shopping this week. Ill place an order for you with the grocery delivery service.
Non-negotiable boundaries are deal-breakers, things that you absolutely must have in order to feel safe.
They usually pertain to safety issues such as physical violence, emotional abuse, drug or alcohol use, fidelity, and life-threatening health issues.
Examples:
Mom, if you dont install a fence around your pool, my children will not be able to come to your house.
Infidelity is a deal-breaker for me and I will not continue in this relationship if you cheat on me.
We all need some non-negotiable boundaries, but we also need to be careful that we dont put too many of our boundaries into this category. If a non-negotiable boundary is going to have any meaning, you have to be willing to follow through on it. Its counter-productive to set non-negotiable boundaries that you dont enforce.
After reading about the seven types of boundaries, I hope you gained greater clarity about the boundaries you need to set. I encourage you to write them down so that you can hold yourself accountable for creating boundaries to protect yourself, maintain (or establish) your individuality, and ensure that you use your time, energy, and resources for what matters most to you.
Types of personal boundaries and how to defend them • Articles on the website of the publishing house BOMBORA
- Articles
- June 7, 2022
Holistic psychologist Nicole LePera says
More interesting things below
Holistic psychology is an approach to therapy based on a healthy lifestyle and the main idea: a person is responsible for himself, his health and condition.
“No one heals a person better than himself,” says holistic psychologist Nicole LePera in her book How to Work on Yourself. And create a future that is different from the present."
Here's what she says about the types of personal boundaries and how to learn to defend them.
Physical Boundaries
Weak physical boundaries can be manifested through obsession with appearance: a person sees his value mainly in how he looks, how sexy others consider him. Or the other extreme: a person seems to feel "incorporeal", does not pay attention to his body and its needs.
Normalizing the boundaries requires a lot of work on oneself. The goals of such work are to learn to hear your body, respect your needs, desires, unwillingnesses, be aware of your personal space and designate it for others. A small step in this direction is self-care: getting enough sleep, exercising, adjusting the daily routine.
Resource boundaries
If we are “always in touch” with relatives, friends, colleagues, bosses, the parent committee, the housing office and the dog club, most likely we are not able to defend the boundaries of our resource. Other symptoms: endless giving, extreme generosity, inability to refuse. The result is an unequal, draining exchange with all of the above. And time, which is not on itself. And time is a valuable resource.
Restoring resource boundaries also requires work. First of all, you will have to understand yourself and understand where the installation for such dedication grows from. Maybe we were once hammered into our heads that this is the only way to earn love.
Maybe we absorbed this manner with mother's milk. Only by understanding the cause, you can work with the symptoms. And you can start by putting all your chats on silent mode. At least the dog club. Well, and the parent committee :)
Emotional boundaries
When there are no boundaries of this type, we feel responsible for the condition of others, we strive to save and make everyone happy. But it is impossible to make the other person always happy - this is an unattainable goal, which ultimately leads to the neglect of personal needs.
Emotional boundaries allow you to separate yourself from others, to grow up. Paradox: the better our emotional boundaries are tuned, the easier it is for others to work with us. With boundaries, we hear intuition better, manage our moods, and share our thoughts and feelings with others more calmly. There is no need to please or agree.
Detailed tips and practices on how to build up emotional and other boundaries and become a better psychologist for yourself can be found in the book How to Work on Yourself.
And create a future that is different from the present."
Tell everyone what an interesting article you found!
How to work on yourself. And create a future that is different from the presentNicole LePera
684 ₽
Buy
Read related
Interview • May 5, 2022
Attachment types and sex: what influences our attraction
Interview with sex blogger and author of the books "Cum again and again" and "More than sex" Elena Galetskaya about how attachment types and sex are connected
Book excerpts • October 28, 2020
Why don't all the advice from books on psychology work?
We find out whether it is possible to become happy by following the recommendations of famous psychologists.
Book Reviews • December 10, 2018
The Best of Psychology: Closing the Gestalts and Discovering the Best Version of Yourself
How to stop worrying and being sad, get along with generations X, Y and Z and find your love.
Border crossing questions - Police and Border Guard Board
What is the difference between the external and internal borders?
People wishing to cross the external border must cross it only through border crossings open to international traffic during their established opening hours. Crossing the external border not through the border checkpoint or not during its opening hours is considered illegal crossing of the state border.
A valid travel document (passport) is required to cross the external border.
See more: Estonian border crossings open to international traffic.
A person can cross the internal border anywhere without going through border control. Despite the fact that there are no border controls at internal borders, a person is required to carry an identity document (identity card or passport).
What document can be used to cross the external border?
A valid travel document (passport) is required to cross the external border.
The travel documents of Estonian citizens are:
- citizen's passport
- diplomatic passport
- sailor's service record
- certificate of return to Estonia.
Travel documents issued by the Republic of Estonia to aliens are:
- alien's passport
- temporary travel document
- refugee travel document
- seaman's certificate
- permission to return to the Republic of Estonia.
In case of loss, theft or expiration of the travel document while staying abroad, the foreign representation of Estonia (embassy, consul) issues a person a temporary travel document, which is a certificate of return issued to an Estonian citizen.
An alien residing in the Republic of Estonia on the basis of a residence permit, holding an alien's passport, a temporary travel document or a refugee travel document, is issued a return permit.
The above documents are intended for returning to Estonia, and an unfinished trip cannot be continued on the basis of them.
When returning to Estonia, the return certificate/return permit at the border is accepted by police officials for safekeeping.
Do I need a visa to enter Estonia?
Information on visa-free travel can be found on the website of the Estonian Ministry of Foreign Affairs.
What documents do I need to have when crossing the external border?
A valid travel document (passport) is required to cross the external border. The travel document of third-country nationals must be valid for at least three months after the planned date of departure from the territory of the Member States, and the document has been issued within the last ten years (Article 5 of the Schengen Regulations).
An alien crossing the state border must have a valid travel document of a foreign state or an international organization, a travel document of an alien issued by the Republic of Estonia or a return permit, which contains information about a visa or residence permit, unless otherwise provided by law or an international agreement.
The data of a residence permit shall not be included in the travel document of a foreign state or an international organization if, when crossing the state border, in addition to the said documents, the alien also presents a valid identity card (ID-card) or a residence permit card issued by the Republic of Estonia.
When leaving Estonia, an Estonian citizen must have a valid travel document when crossing the external border. When entering Estonia, an Estonian citizen, when crossing the external border, must have a valid travel document, a certificate of return or another document stipulated by an international agreement for visiting a foreign state.
When entering Estonia, crossing the border is also allowed for an Estonian citizen who does not have the above document, if his identity and citizenship are proven on the basis of other documents.
What documents must a driver of a vehicle have when leaving Estonia?
When crossing the state border in a car or truck with a registered weight of up to 3500 kg, the driver must have: trailer or a copy of the trailer's registration certificate certified by the issuing agency NB! Regardless of the type of motor vehicle, when crossing the border, only the registration certificate is recognized, and not a copy of it.
The written consent to use the motor vehicle and its trailer must contain the following data:
- place and date of the written consent
- name and address of the owner of the motor vehicle and its trailer
- make and model of the motor vehicle or its trailer, designation of the manufacturer
- number of the registration certificate and state registration plate certificate, date of birth or personal code of the vehicle user
- validity period of the written consent
- the signature of the owner on the written consent must be officially or notarized
- Compulsory motor third party liability insurance policy.
What documents must the owner of a recreational craft have when leaving Estonia?
The owner of a recreational craft must have:
- a valid travel document
- a certificate for the right to drive a recreational craft
- a registration certificate of a recreational craft
- a list of passengers (a list of persons on board a recreational craft).
According to the legal regulations in force in the Republic of Estonia, the passenger list (crew list) is a ship's document.
The driver of a small boat arriving from a third country is obliged to provide the police officers with a list of people on board (passengers).
How do minors cross the external border?
Requirements for the documents of minors crossing the state border:
In the European Union (EU), when crossing the external border, the same requirements apply for documents of children as for adults, i.e. in the European Union and the countries of the Schengen area, the principle “each person has his own travel document”.
Documentation requirements for minors do not apply from EU member states to the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and Ireland. These requirements also do not apply to travel documents issued by countries outside the European Union.
According to the legislation in force in Estonia, additional documents (powers of attorney) are not required to cross the Estonian state border, however, based on the limited legal capacity of a minor, the border control officer can check at the border whether the consent of his parent (legal representative) is present. The parent may provide their consent in a simple written form. Border services of other states may also require additional documents. Therefore, we recommend that you give the minor child a handwritten permission with you, which contains the contact details of the parents, and before traveling abroad, contact the foreign representation of the state of destination and clarify the requirements for documents.
An alien under the age of 15 does not have to carry a travel document if he/she enters Estonia, stays in Estonia and leaves Estonia accompanied by a person whose travel document contains his/her name and surname, date of birth, data about a visa, residence permit or right of residence (if a visa obligation, obligation to obtain a residence permit or right of residence applies to an alien in Estonia) and a photograph.
The photograph must not be included in the accompanying person's travel document if the minor is under 7 years of age. Data on the residence permit or right of residence shall not be included in the travel document of the accompanying person if the minor has a valid identity card (ID-card) issued by the Republic of Estonia or a document confirming the residence permit.
An alien minor who does not have a legal basis or a valid travel document to enter Estonia and who wishes to apply for asylum in Estonia or a residence permit as a person in need of temporary protection is allowed to enter Estonia after being presented to the police office applying for asylum or residence permit as a person in need of temporary protection.
If a minor travels with an accompanying person, it is checked whether the accompanying person has parental care for the minor. To facilitate control, it is recommended that you carry documents proving your rights to parental care. When leaving Estonia, a certified permission of the second parent at the border is not required.
However, we draw your attention to the fact that it may be required at the transit border and / or at the border of the state of destination, therefore, before starting the trip, be sure to contact the foreign representation of the state that you are transiting and / or the state of destination for more accurate information.
What to do if the child has been taken away or is planned to be taken away to live in a foreign country without the consent of the other parent?
Parents often turn to the Police and Border Guard Board with a request to prevent the second parent from moving their child to live in a foreign country. Based on the Law on the Family, parents have equal rights of custody in relation to the child, but if the parent represents the child independently, then the consent of the other parent is assumed. An e-mail or a phone call to the Police and Border Guard Board is not sufficient grounds for the Police and Border Guard Board to prevent the child from crossing the border if the child is traveling with the other parent.
Parents of a child should also take into account the fact that after Estonia joined the Schengen visa area, border controls at internal borders (including on domestic flights and passenger ships between member countries) have been abolished. Persons pass through border control if they cross an external border (i.e. go to a third country).
If one of the parents wishes to prevent (does not give consent) the transfer/resettlement of the child to another state and the parents cannot reach an agreement, then the court should be contacted to resolve the problem. Taking a child to another state without the consent of the other parent is not a solution to the problem. In the course of the subsequent legal proceedings on the right to custody of the child, this may not only become a basis for deprivation of the right to meet with their children, but in certain cases lead to real punishment for the parent (if a child under 16 years of age is taken to a foreign country or is kept there without the consent of person having custody of the child, the provisions of the Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction will apply).
To avoid further problems, parents should decide on the right of custody of the child before taking the child to live in a foreign country.
If the child has already been taken to a foreign country, then the Estonian Ministry of Justice should be contacted for help by phone +372 6 208 183 or by e-mail .... The Ministry of Justice first of all establishes the whereabouts of the child and assists in concluding a settlement agreement. First of all, they try to reach an agreement with the second parent on the voluntary return of the child or resolve the situation out of court. If such actions do not bring results, legal proceedings are initiated to return the child.
See additional educational films:
- Abduction of a child by a parent
- Cross-border rights of custody and visitation of a child in the EU
Recommendations of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs:
- stay on its territory?
Legal grounds for the stay of a foreigner in Estonia:
- visa issued by the competent authority of Estonia
- visa issued by the competent authority of a member state of the Schengen Convention, if the conditions of the visa do not exclude the right to stay in Estonia
- the right to stay in Estonia arising directly from an international agreement visa waiver
- right or obligation to stay in Estonia arising directly from a law, judicial or administrative act
- a residence permit issued by the competent authority of a Member State of the Schengen Convention, and
- a diplomatic or service card issued by the Ministry of Foreign Affairs for personnel of a foreign diplomatic mission and consular office, representative office of an international organization, their family members and private staff accredited in Estonia.
General provisions on the legal status of an alien after the end of the legal basis for staying in Estonia upon arrival at the border crossing point.
Which countries can you travel to without a visa with an Estonian alien's passport?
The visa-free regime is valid for people of undetermined citizenship residing in Estonia who have an alien's passport and a residence permit in Estonia. See the website of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs.
In what cases can a police officer refuse to let a foreigner into Estonia?
A police officer has the right to prevent entry into the territory of the state if:
- a foreigner violates the border regime or customs regulations
- the foreigner refuses to provide information about himself and the purpose of his trip at the border checkpoint
- the foreigner does not have sufficient funds to cover the costs of staying in Estonia and leaving Estonia, and there is no host party that would cover these costs.
