I have shut down emotionally

Why You May Experience Emotional Detachment and What to Do About It

Emotional detachment is an inability or unwillingness to connect with other people on an emotional level. Being emotionally detached helps protect some people from unwanted drama, anxiety, or stress.

For others, detachment isn’t always voluntary. Instead, it’s the result of events that make the person unable to be open and honest about their emotions.

Below you’ll read about the different types of emotional detachment and learn when it’s a good thing and when it might be worrisome.

Emotional detachment describes when you or others disengage or disconnect from other people’s emotions. It may stem from an unwillingness or an inability to connect with others.

There are two general types. In some cases, you may develop emotional detachment as a response to a difficult or stressful situation. In other cases, it may result from an underlying psychological condition.

Emotional detachment can be helpful if you use it purposefully, such as by setting boundaries with certain people or groups. Boundaries can help you maintain a healthy distance from people who demand much of your emotional attention.

But emotional detachment can also be harmful when you can’t control it. You may feel “numbed” or “muted.” This is known as emotional blunting, and it’s typically a symptom or issue that you should consider working with a mental health professional to address.

Learn more about emotional blunting here.

People who are emotionally detached or removed may experience symptoms such as:

difficulty creating or maintaining personal relationships
a lack of attention, or appearing preoccupied when around others
difficulty being loving or affectionate with a family member
avoiding people, activities, or places because they’re associated with past trauma
reduced ability to express emotion
difficulty empathizing with another person’s feelings
not easily sharing emotions or feelings
difficulty committing to another person or a relationship
not making another person a priority when they should be

Emotional detachment can slowly build over time, or it may occur more rapidly in response to an acute situation. Though everyone is different, some signs and symptoms to watch for include:

inability to feel emotions or feeling empty
losing interest in enjoyable activities
becoming less involved in relationships
showing little or no empathy toward others
being harsh or unkind to others

If you suspect you may be developing emotional detachment, you should consider talking with your doctor. They can help identify your symptoms and recommend potential treatment options.

Emotional detachment may develop due to a variety of potential causes, which can include:

constant exposure to bad or unpleasant news
traumatic experience
abuse
side effects of certain medications
conditioning as a child due to parental or cultural expectations

Emotional detachment may be voluntary. Some people can choose to remain emotionally removed from a person or situation.

Other times, emotional detachment results from trauma, abuse, or a previous encounter. In these cases, previous events may make it difficult to be open and honest with a friend, loved one, or significant other.

By choice

Some people choose to proactively remove themselves from an emotional situation.

This might be an option if you have a family member or a colleague that you know upsets you greatly. You can choose not to engage with the person or persons. This will help you remain cool and keep calm when dealing with them.

In situations like this, emotional detachment is a bit like a protective measure. It helps you prepare for situations that may trigger a negative emotional response.

As a result of abuse

Sometimes, emotional detachment may result from traumatic events, such as childhood abuse or neglect. Children who live through abuse or neglect may develop emotional detachment as a means of survival.

Children require a lot of emotional connection from their parents or caregivers. If it’s not forthcoming, the children may stop expecting it. When that happens, they may begin to turn off their emotional receptors, as in the case of reactive attachment disorder (RAD). RAD is a condition in which children cannot form bonds with their parents or caregivers.

That can lead to depressed mood, inability to show or share emotions, and behavior problems.

Other conditions

Emotional detachment or “numbing” is frequently a symptom of other conditions. You may feel distant from your emotions at times if you have:

post-traumatic stress disorder
bipolar disorder
major depressive disorder
personality disorders

Medication

Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are a type of antidepressant. Some people who take this type of drug may experience emotional blunting or a switched-off emotional center, particularly at higher doses.

This period of emotional detachment may last as long as you take these medications. Doctors can help you find another alternative or help to find the right dosage if the medication affects you in this way.

Emotional detachment isn’t an official condition like bipolar disorder or depression. Instead, it’s often considered one element of a larger medical condition.

Conditions might include personality disorders or attachment disorders.

Emotional detachment could also be the result of acute trauma or abuse.

A healthcare professional may be able to see when you’re not emotionally available to others. They may also talk with you, a family member, or a significant other about your behaviors.

Understanding how you feel and act can help a provider recognize a pattern that could suggest this emotional issue.

Asperger’s and emotional detachment

Contrary to popular belief, people living with Asperger’s, which forms part of the Autism spectrum disorder, are not cut off from their emotions or the emotions of others.

In fact, experts indicate they may feel others’ emotions more intensely even if they do not show typical outward signs of emotional involvement, such as changes in affect or facial expressions. This can lead to them taking additional steps to avoid hurting others, even at their own expense.

Treatment for emotional detachment depends on the reason it’s occurring.

If your healthcare professional believes you’re experiencing problems with emotional attachment because of another condition, they may suggest treating that first.

These conditions might include depression, PTSD, or borderline personality disorder. Medication and therapy are often helpful for these conditions.

If the emotional detachment symptoms result from trauma, your doctor may recommend psychotherapy, also known as talk therapy. This treatment can help you learn to overcome the impacts of the abuse. You may also learn new ways to process experiences and anxieties that previously upset you and led to emotional detachment.

For some people, however, emotional distance isn’t problematic. In that case, you may not need to seek any treatment.

However, if problems with feeling or expressing emotions have caused issues in your personal life, you may want to seek out treatment or other support. A therapist or other mental health provider can provide treatment, though you may find that talking first to your primary care provider can help connect you with those who can help.

For some people, emotional detachment is a way of coping with overwhelming people or activities. You choose when to be involved and when to step away.

In other cases, however, numbing yourself to emotions and feelings may not be healthy. Indeed, frequently “turning off” your emotions may lead to unhealthy behaviors, such as an inability to show empathy or a fear of commitment.

People that live through trauma or abuse may find it difficult to express emotions. This may cause people to seek other, negative outlets for those feelings, such as drug or alcohol misuse, higher risk sexual behaviors, or other behaviors that can lead to involvement with law enforcement.

Emotional detachment occurs when people willingly or unwillingly turn off their connection with their emotions. This may be intentional, such as a defensive mechanism on emotionally draining people, or unintentional due to an underlying condition or medication side effect.

If you have difficulty processing emotions or you live with someone who does, you may want to consider seeking help from a mental health provider. They can offer support and treatment to help you understand how you process emotions and respond to others and activities.

Why do I shut down emotionally?

Being cut off from your emotions can have a devastating impact on your personal life and relationships. It affects your confidence and self-awareness, as well as how you interact and communicate with others. You may feel numb or disembodied at times - unable to connect to your bodily sensations, express your emotions or maintain feelings of intimacy.

When you experience episodes of detachment, this is known as 'dissociation', leading to a gradual withdrawal from your life, as you become socially isolated and unable to form loving relationships. If this happens over a long period of time, the things you once loved may feel very hollow, your relationships become meaningless and your work is no longer fulfilling anymore.

What is dissociation?

Dissociation is not something you choose to do consciously. It is often an unconscious response to trauma or distressing events that you have internalised. A kind of body memory that has become frozen because you shut down and were unable to process your emotions at the time.

For example, somewhere in your past, you may have been too vulnerable to cope with a distressing experience - such as long periods of neglect and loneliness as a child, physical or sexual abuse, an unexpected bereavement or witnessing horrific events in your life. This may be an issue with regard to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It can also happen if, as a child, your parents were highly anxious, aggressive or discharged their distress in the family home.

Under these stressful conditions, you do not choose to shut down your emotions, your brain is often too overwhelmed to cope and protects itself by suppressing the pain and powerlessness of not being able to adapt. As a result of this disconnection, you may suffer from feelings of emptiness inside or a sense of dread that you cannot shake off. Slowly, you lose your passion for life or any personal interest in things that once stirred you with joy and excitement.

Unable to understand what is happening to you in this frozen state, you may learn to internalise your frustrations and anger, while experiencing dread without knowing why. Your anxiety and anger get so locked in, you avoid challenging situations or confrontations with others. Then, you only express it in occasional outbursts of rage or withdrawal when it becomes unbearable. Friends and family may find it almost impossible to talk with you, or as you become more detached, they may find it difficult to empathise and connect with you. While loved ones may accuse you of being cold and aloof.

Why do people shut off emotionally?

Shutting down emotions can be a normal part of human experience, as a coping strategy in stressful situations. Under high stress, it allows your body and brain to protect itself from perceived threats or harm.

We can also become emotionally detached after a painful bereavement, an episode of anxiety, or a prolonged period of depression. For mothers with postnatal depression, you may feel cut off from maternal instincts toward your child. This leads to a profound sense of guilt and shame about not being a good enough parent.

Dissociation can overwhelm your ability to make everyday decisions, especially if you have a 'freeze' response to anxiety. You may become confused, procrastinate for hours, or get distracted by other tasks, rather than focus on the one in front of you.

It can make you feel defensive when responding to friends and family, even if you long for closeness. You may feel their gentle enquiries are intrusive and unwelcome - like you are trapped or smothered by them. And you may find it increasingly difficult to trust other people's motives, being preoccupied with their thoughts about you. Paranoid thinking goes hand-in-hand with dissociation, as you sink further and further into your own dark thoughts.

Is emotional shutdown a choice?

Although being cut off from your emotions is not usually a choice, it follows an unconscious pattern of avoidance. The more you avoid things, the less you feel, the less you tolerate your emotions. And so spins the never-ending cycle.

For example, you may not attend family gatherings or social occasions you would have normally enjoyed. And you may become hypervigilant - looking, listening, analysing - in order to defend against painful experiences or show emotional vulnerability. You may find it difficult to validate your personal aspirations or ambitions at work. Or, unable to say no to a pushy colleague or manager, in order to pacify their constant demands. While the responsibilities, duties and conflicts of family life become intolerable.

How to reconnect to your emotions

One way of reconnecting with these feelings and emotions is to learn mindfulness with a counsellor. Someone who is willing to offer empathy and work with you in a practical way, re-sensitising you to your bodily sensations and emotions in a safe way. Helping you to learn how to become more grounded, develop emotional awareness and reconnect with others. As well as challenging you to commit to the process even when you find it difficult and demanding.

Mindfulness of breathing will help you trust your feelings as a source of understanding, rather than fixating on being out of control or irrational. It will allow you to create the space to get out of your head and into your body. It allows you to discharge your stress in healthy ways and look after your well being. Over time, you will become more confident in your own substance, your bodily sensations and emotional insight. Welcome back to the world of joy, pain and connectedness.

Ready to speak with a counsellor? Contact Greg or use our advanced search to find a qualified, experienced therapist online or in-person near you.

Share this article with a friend

How to open a closed person? - Psychologos

September 30, 2015, 11:22

The film "What Women Want"

Just because we know what spiritual openness and open people are, we also know that there are closed people. A closed person is a person who does not let anyone into his social or spiritual world. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for a person to have a good head, he understands people, but a person does not know how to trust, and his usual state is closeness. Behind such mistrust, in addition to habit, there are fears, and not just fears (there are also reasonable, justified fears), but fears that are not unfounded, irrational fears, which are only covered by talk about the hostility of the world.

This happens in training. The group has almost become friends, the atmosphere is warm, the tasks are clear, the situation for the participants is completely safe - but at the same time one or the other person sits on the sidelines and says with a tense face: “I would like to trust, but I can’t trust people so quickly. ” It is clear that there are no grounds for tension, anxieties and fears here, it is only a matter of fear, in the absence of the habit of trust.

The closed behavior of one person in itself provokes others to restraint and reciprocal closeness. A person who does not know how to be open and trusting deprives himself of good friends, deprives himself of reasonable contacts and is forced to place himself in the company of closed people who look at each other with distrust.

By the way, hostile reactions are indeed more likely to be seen among closed, distrustful people, because if I expect hostile actions will be committed against me, then I myself lie low, and then, just in case, I give an adequate response. "A peaceful Soviet tractor destroyed an enemy battery with a return salvo!"

A self-fulfilling prophecy is triggered: open people are convinced that people can be trusted, and closed people receive confirmation that people cannot be trusted.

Types of closed people

Outwardly similar behavior can be two quite different types: habitually closed and neurotically closed.

A habitually closed person is not open because he was brought up that way and got used to it. Behind his closeness there is no pain, no fear of openness, no other special problems, he just saw such examples from childhood and was brought up that way.

A neurotically closed person is closed not from upbringing, but from this or that trauma, pain, problems and related fears. Sometimes the pain seems to have been forgotten, but habitually constrained behavior with an internal text: "keep quiet", "keep your head down", "I can't afford it" accompanies his restrained gestures and tense shoulders. It is difficult to restrain oneself all the time, and internal tension sometimes breaks out with small injections, then insults and accusations, after which there comes a short relief and almost immediately - blames oneself for one's incontinence.

How to help a closed person?

It is difficult for a closed person to talk about his feelings, it is not easy to express his real thoughts and attitudes, it is scary to take a bold step, it is scary both to be alone, and to refuse loneliness and fall in love . .. Teaching such a person "not to worry" is probably a crime , the same as wrapping up a child so that he does not get sick ...

And what to do?

In the beginning - which is usually not worth doing. Demanding from a closed person "Open up! Start behaving boldly, confidently, tell me what you think and feel?", Giving him shock loads in the hope of breaking through his defenses is hardly correct. In fact, sometimes it helps, but more often it causes powerful resistance and even greater distrust and closeness.

What helps better? - Helps to make friends and gradually bring out good people in the company. If you manage to make friends with such a closed person, gradually he becomes more and more open next to you. It is best if he (she) manages to be pulled into a company of good people, but without the obligation to be active there: at first, it’s normal to just be there, watch, listen. Well, if you sit nearby, then the impressions will be more positive. And gradually, time after time, a person warms up. ..

Difficulties: it often turns out that a closed person is a person with a difficult character. Simply put - a poorly educated person who does not know how to behave among people. If you are ready to give him lessons in social behavior, to accustom him to the elementary skills of good manners and good tone - honor and praise to you. Unfortunately, few people want to take care of a person who will not say thank you in response, or even “kick” inadvertently ... Actually, this is the main difficulty: few people want to mess around with a closed person.

How to train yourself to be open?

If you are told that you are not a very open person, and you would like to change the impression about yourself, this is real, but most likely you will have to teach yourself the following things. So, be interested in other people, try to talk them on topics that are interesting to them. When expressing your opinions, indicate your attitude. Make your face expressive. When expressing your attitude, tend to be positive more often. See →

Personality type
Closeness
Author N.I. Kozlov
+
Psyche, health

Comments (44):

Ida, April 07, 2015, 19:16

Yes, of course, there are a lot of questions and situations in terms of psychology, but what I read , it's all right. My daughter is a hidden child, it is very difficult for me to communicate with her, but I am also to blame for this. It was my omission, I paid more attention to my career and growth, I studied and studied, but there was no time for the child. Everything is very sad today at my 60 years old, and my daughter is 40 years old, but I am looking for ways to her heart, that's the whole philosophy of life.

Guest, August 29, 2021, 2:09 pm

I understand your daughter's feeling, of course you wanted to make the best money, so that she could live like a princess. But children need only maternal love and care. My mother and I also have the same thing, I want to talk about my problems, but I can’t.

dmitry, July 3, 2015, 13:25

Does a closed person need to accustom himself to openness? No matter how I tried, "openness" was enough for 5 days at most, then again "withdrew into myself."

Guest, May 30, 2017, 12:41

Dmitry, I would like to answer your question: should a closed person become open? I myself am closed, and I can illuminate the issue from the inside, so to speak. If you think simply, then it is not necessary. Staying the way you are is the easiest thing to do, and change is scary. But a closed person loses a lot of opportunities (I know from myself). If you're more comfortable losing a lot of opportunities than changing yourself, then stay closed. I chose change for myself.

replies

Guest, October 02, 2019, 07:13 PM

What's the point of opening up if after that some blows from others invariably follow? Better to be private and not trust anyone.

Guest, September 11, 2020, 20:51

I agree, I have become like that too. I don’t trust anyone, I’m angry as hell, I used to walk around, but now I’m sitting at home like a pensioner, but it’s like the 21st year already.

Guest, December 11, 2019, 07:03 AM

It's better to be yourself and not try to play a role alien to you than to desperately pretend to be a completely different person for the sake of some "opportunities" and vague benefits. In general, such logic is incomprehensible - why mutilate yourself? To be able to enjoy these opportunities, you will never get rid of your mask and will be forced to hide your true self forever.

Guest, September 24, 2020, 07:11 PM

What changes have you chosen for yourself?

FREEZER, September 30, 2015, 19:15

Being open is great. But why is it necessary to be open only in terms of behavior? Let's not lock our apartments, turn off the car alarm, leave our credit card PIN on the table? Why hide from people? Truth?

answer

N. I. Kozlov, September 30, 2015, 8:36 PM

Openness among enemies is stupidity. But to be closed among decent and friendly people is doubly stupid. Probably, you just need not to confuse these two situations!

FREEZER, 01 October 2015, 18:36

A decent person is a relative concept. Many only look decent, but they are not. Therefore, it is important to understand where to be open and how much.

Guest, July 17, 2017, 09:56 AM

Living among people who have reached an understanding of how to make life convenient and enjoyable is simply smart. It's a social skill, some have it, some don't. I am grateful to FREEZER for his choice and openness - an open statement "I am a closed person" is worthy of respect, like a road sign "Dead end": you are not here.

Marina, October 25, 2015, 7:03 pm

I will suggest another type of closed people: they are not afraid of anyone and can be open, but they understand that even in a family no one needs their openness. Others, as a rule, need attention, help and support. Other people's feelings are relevant, mainly for those who are not busy with business, and often - because it gives them the right to expect their share of attention in return. If we reduce the dialogue to listening and support, then no one will insist on being listened to not only him :). In summary: the third type of closed people are people who do not mention their feelings and thoughts when no one needs it.

I am I, November 28, 2015, 00:26

In my opinion, if you do not feel discomfort from your "closedness" - then you do not need to accustom it. After all, for sure, there are people in your environment with whom you are open. Maybe you're just an introvert. But if openness is necessary in achieving certain goals, then reasonable openness is necessary. And most importantly - spiritual harmony.

Peace process, November 28, 2015, 00:36

))) "the third type of closed people are people who do not mention their feelings and thoughts when no one needs it" - for example, I belong to this type of people. Open, closed, half-open, half-closed - all depending on the circumstances and people. You feel a good person - open, a person not very - half-closed, a rubbish person - closed, although I can continue communication at a very superficial level.

Guest, April 23, 2017, 13:51

Thank you for your comment, now I understand myself and accept that this can be so! Not just closed/open!

Guest, May 01, 2016, 03:18

I don't remember who sang this song about the wolf "Lone wolf, lone wolf (and something else) why is it cruel? Why is it cruel? And why are they cruel to me? !" Closeness or other character traits are far from always from nature. Sometimes it's made! It is clear that all the same, such a person will have to decide for himself what to do with it. But he can "thank" his "happiness" for this very specific addressee.

Guest May 30, 2017 2:16 PM

You are right. Closeness is the result.

Guest, May 31, 2017, 06:36

Very interesting article! Nikolai Ivanovich, thank you very much for the specific advice! I realized that the main thing is not to turn away from closed people, and not to take their closeness personally. Thanks again! :)

Guest, July 21, 2017, 08:19

I agree, a closed person misses and loses a lot, but acquires skills such as restraint, control of emotions and behavior, attention to detail, control of speech, he will never blurt out too much , always thinks over the phrase before saying it, and he also begins to understand the types of people more.

Guest, November 16, 2017, 07:44 PM

Hmm... It will come in handy, I'm really a closed person too, you can even say, I'm probably reserved, sometimes doing something, I feel ashamed. This will help me!!! Thanks!!!

Guest, September 17, 2019, 8:29 PM

Nothing helped me, I can't just say my opinion, I can't open up and never will be able to. Maybe someone would be happy to help me?

answer

Sokolova L.V., secretary N.I. Kozlova, September 18, 2019G., 15:10

Guest, Nikolai Ivanovich soon (October 3, 2019) opens the Club ">https://www.distant-nik.ru">Club of Practical Psychology. There it will be possible to communicate, watch and read interesting and useful materials, study, ask questions to the presenters, and receive advice. Join and learn to communicate in a training format!

Guest, November 19, 2019, 3:05 pm

Will communication with a closed person threaten me to become the same? Or, on the contrary, communication with me will "pull" him out?

Guest, January 11, 2020, 05:08

It threatens, it threatens. You risk not only becoming "closed", but also picking up some mental disorders (if it is marriage or similar close communication). No doubt you will learn something from each other. But the energy consumption of such "communication" is very, very burdensome (The author described in the text how such people burden and destroy the emotional field of the whole group (!). They have enough resources, for many. To consider such people "unfortunate", "they were unlucky in childhood "," he (she) was simply not given enough ... "well, and so on, it is to embark on the path of salvation. And this is one of the places of the famous triangle, and then you yourself know :) pysy: well, and one more thing I noticed: "closed" they are so from their smart-ass (I'm not afraid of this word) life strategy. While others, open, have already laid all the cards on the table, they are watching, watching, watching (collecting free information), and they don’t refuse help (everything they say, well, what are you, come on, well, let me help you here) and so and more :). Tip - try to be closed, you will be surprised how many OPPORTUNITIES such people have. You'll like it. pysy1. I do not belong to the "closed" ones. Well, if only negative :)

Guest, September 12, 2021 at 08:31

It's true what you write. This is exactly how it works)

Guest, November 22, 2019, 4:48 pm

A closed person is a strong person!!!

Guest, March 20, 2020, 4:02 pm

My friend is very private, once I blurted out something, and he threw his offense in my face for a long time. I then tried to explain to him that I didn’t want this, I apologized, now it seems to be a good relationship, but he probably won’t trust me. I only know that his dad left in childhood (I once asked if you love your dad and he said no, and did not say the word dad at all). He lives with his mother and with his older sister, he loves music and animals very much, he is smart, speaks with sarcasm, and his jokes can not always be endured, but he is a great friend, when the time comes he is quite a difficult person, creates a lot of difficulties, and the fact that we communicate in the virtual world in a group, but I sincerely want him to be happy. Neurotically closed person, and I will not be able to find out the reasons for his closing. Please help, this is a request from 30 people, we do not know what to do, our group is worried about him, and he does not want to accept help.

Guest, May 13, 2020, 07:48 PM

more likely to close more aggressively, unfortunately I went through this in a relationship, it's just unbearable...

Guest, March 20, 2020, 4:58 pm in the virtual world.

Guest, April 07, 2020, 11:07 PM

I am a rather private person. I read everything and even the comments. I really like the idea of not talking to anyone, but the problem is that it repels people. It seems not a problem, but I'm still young and I'm afraid that I will miss my life because of this. I will never marry and have children. How to be? I can't bring myself to be interested in other people. There is nothing to talk about at all and every time I communicate with someone, then after that we no longer communicate.

Guest, May 09, 2020 at 1:18 pm

I have the opposite. I don't want to get married and I don't want to have children. Also, I want to stop communicating with anyone. I hate my class. I don't trust my girlfriends. And sometimes I want to get into my world, where there is no one but me. I don't understand what love is and I will never want to love someone... I think neurotically closed. It's impossible to live. Why do these people need to change? Because they themselves are closed from everyone, and then suffer from loneliness. Nobody loves them, nobody understands them. And "anxious" closeness creates a lot of problems when interacting with people. As a result, all this communication becomes simply very unpleasant for other people, and in close relationships such a person is very cold. It turns out that there is no place for love.

Guest, September 18, 2020 6:23 PM

Help!!! Daughter 29 years old. He does not like to communicate, loves loneliness. The character is heavy, maybe where I am to blame. No friends, can anything be fixed?

replies

Guest, September 21, 2020, 09:03

Lord, parent! The daughter is already a very, very, very adult, and you continue to get her! Leave the person alone for six months, maybe everything will work out without you.

Sokolova L.V., secretary N.I. Kozlova, September 21, 2020, 09:04

Guest, all consultations are currently transferred to the DISTANT-NIK Club.">https://distant-nik.ru/">DISTANT-NIK". 7 days - free. Further subscription: 1000 r. per month. You can unsubscribe at any time. Join now!

Guest, August 29, 2021, 2:05 pm

Who cares, but I'm also an introvert, I don't trust anyone, even my parents. Why is this happening? I can act like an extrovert, but in fact my soul is crying ((( How to get rid of stiffness?

Guest, September 30, 2021, 01:38

Please tell me. I've been in a relationship with someone close to me for a year now. Known for 8 years. However, she did not have the easiest childhood, as a result of which, at times, she disappears for an indefinite time. That is, everything can be fine with her, but she cannot (or does not want to) answer calls, messages. She has such a state for several days and sometimes for a month. By itself, she is a closed person. Reveals only with me. There are no friends. Gradually I “warm up” her, but I am afraid to influence her radically - there is a risk that I will push her away with such behavior, because I know this person well. As in this situation, to do the right thing - no idea. P.S. Both are far from being children, both are over 20.

Guest, October 30, 2021, 05:33 AM

How about seeing a psychologist together? It's very kind of you to be so concerned about her.

Guest, December 10, 2021, 02:56

I have such a case. That is, not from me, but from a friend. She seems like an open person herself, and we've been friends for quite some time now. My best friend has been friends with her for 8 years now, but she doesn't know anything about her. As I! I mean, well, nothing. She is a very secretive person, she doesn’t say anything about her family at all, if she spoke, then only about her cats. And it doesn't say much about preferences either. In fact, it is difficult to immediately understand, since she seems to speak openly. And you immediately think that she is an open person, but this is not at all the case. She's like an actor. You won't understand what her abilities really are. Or what she really is. Maybe I'm overcomplicating everything, and in fact everything is on the surface. But today I went with a friend for gifts for this friend’s friend, and I understand: we don’t know anything about her. She quickly pours in, and for the most part, if she talks about preferences, then not about her own, but about our common ones. I just started thinking about it today. And I will set myself a fad for the end of the year: try to open it.

I'm wondering if she really is..and if not, who is she?

Guest, March 28, 2022, 2:36 pm

My son is 34 years old, he has a good appearance, he has a good education, he is a programmer, he has his own apartment, car, good job, he is self-sufficient, does not need money . But he is closed to everyone, he never supports conversations in a company, on the contrary, he is closed for communication, he does not let anyone into his personal space. I don't know anything about his personal life.

Guest, Jul 02, 2022 5:25 pm

I am very reserved, modest and boring. I myself understand this ... but I don’t know how to become more open, because I’m even unemotional from the word Completely. Now I'm 13, I don't have a single girlfriend/boyfriend. At this point in the summer, I just have to sit at home, because I don’t even have anyone to take a walk with. I understand that this cannot be put aside like that, but I can’t even turn to a psychologist, because we are a poor family, and we are ... well ... a difficult financial difficulty.

answer

Sokolova L.V., secretary N.I. Kozlova, July 04, 2022, 09:29 am

Good afternoon, Guest! Sign up for a free consultation at the University of Practical Psychology, our psychologists will tell you how to deal with isolation and answer your questions https://www.univer-pp.ru/bk/.

Guest, July 25, 2022, 07:09

I also consider myself a very reserved person. Since childhood, he was embarrassed to communicate with relatives, that is, he was shy, he sat alone in a dark room while a feast was going on.

At school, when all peers were actively socializing, he sat at the computer.

In general, at the institute I became more sociable, I would not say that my reticence affected my subsequent work, I was satisfied with many things. Sometimes sad from loneliness, but there is one old friend to whom I can open up 95%, and a couple of good friends, where I also behave very openly, as opposed to my usual state, and in public I can do very amazing things for myself . Usually, I do not seek contacts with people myself, but if a person initiates communication first, then I behave quite friendly, I am interested in this person, I try to listen, I prefer not to talk deeply about myself.

This year my older brother died first, then my mother three months later, it was a big blow for me. I found salvation within myself, completely stopped communicating with relatives, stopped communicating or reduced communication to a minimum with others, acquaintances, I communicate with an old friend as before, on the contrary, my trust in him has increased as a result of his support in such a difficult time for me.

And everything would be fine, I'm used to such a life, but communication with the opposite sex is very lacking. Perhaps this is the scourge of my character. :)

Emotional closeness of a man in a relationship. How to overcome it? | Man and woman

Men surprisingly manage to encrypt themselves from us women. Without explicitly expressing their emotions, they often confuse us. After all, we are used to reading information from the face. And here our "reader program" gives an error with a message something like "failed to read the information, try again." And we repeat. And we get the same result. .. Meanwhile, if we clearly understand the reasons for emotional closeness, there would be fewer conflicts in relationships.

Speaking about the sphere of emotions, it should be noted right away that this is still a women's territory. A woman can easily afford to openly express her emotions, and in most cases no one will condemn her for this. Moreover, society expects manifestations of emotionality from a woman. After all, her feminine energy is contained in emotions. And an energetic woman is always attractive.

For a man, the rules are exactly the opposite. While still a child, the boy was explained that he was a future man, which means he should be able to endure pain and all sorts of hardships, without expressing his feelings in any way. Having matured, the young man begins to try on the roles of a warrior, protector and / or earner. Each of these roles requires him to make different decisions, where the inclusion of the emotional sphere will only get in the way. Therefore, is it any wonder that a man does not want to clearly show his emotions?

It would seem, why sweep everything into one pile and mix work and love relationships? Let a man remain firm and unbending for himself, being a leader in business, and in a relationship he could be more emotional. But, as a rule, this does not happen. And if a man is used to restraining his emotions, then he will try to restrain them in all areas of his life. True, and there are many nuances.

First of all, men are different. And the level of emotionality they have is also different.

Secondly, you need to clearly determine for yourself when a man is really emotionally closing himself off from you, and when he simply shows little emotionality due to his character.

Now we are interested in the situation when a man consciously avoids emotional interaction with a woman. Because with little emotionality due to character, it is better to put up with it right away and not try to make your girlfriend out of a man.

To begin with, let's try to decide what signs clearly indicate that a man is building a wall of emotional alienation between you.

1. Closed posture. Arms crossed over chest. The desire to increase the distance between you. Tension of the muscles of the face and body.

2. Avoid eye contact. It is difficult for a man to look you straight in the eyes, because he is afraid that you will read more information in them than he is ready to share with you.

3. Evasive answers to direct questions. Desire to change the subject to neutral.

So why does a man shut himself up? There can be many reasons for this. But let's focus on the most basic ones:

1. With your questions, you voluntarily or involuntarily invaded a man's personal emotional space. And he, in turn, is not ready to let you in yet. The inner world of a man is a secret with seven seals. No need to try to get there with the help of "heavy artillery". In response to your tactless questions, the man will close. If you do not heed his signal “Stop. Forbidden zone, ”the man will most likely decide to flee.

What to do, you ask? Indeed, at the beginning of a relationship, it is very important to find out what a man is like. Or maybe it's not worth spending time on it? This is all understandable, but, nevertheless, do not rush to arrange an interrogation with passion. So you will only scare him. Get to know him gradually. Alternate personal topics with more general ones. You can learn a lot about a person by talking to him even about animals or music.

2. You are asking your questions at the wrong time and in the wrong place. While watching a football match of his favorite team, you should not even try to convey any information to a man. She will pass his mind. By the way, an attempt to find out from a man how he treats you will end in failure in 99% of cases. Be wiser and draw conclusions by actions, not by words.

3. You are trying to find out the state of a man when he is tormented by an unresolved problem. Remember that a man is always used to solving his problems himself. To do this, he just needs to be alone with himself. He will weigh everything, think and find the only right solution. But until he has made this decision, it is better not to touch him.

4. He doesn't trust you. A man is afraid that if he tells you the truth, he will see condemnation in your eyes in return. Well still, if only in the eyes. If he is sure that you won’t reach into your pocket for a word, then you can be calm - he won’t tell you anything.

A man is very careful about his personal boundaries. In a conversation, always watch his reaction. Study his most insignificant manifestations of emotions. And when the first signs of emotional closeness appear, immediately ask yourself the question: why? You can directly ask if he has a desire to discuss this or that topic with you. And if he honestly admits that he is not yet ready, smile calmly and start talking about something else.

If you see that a man has let you into his inner world, then you can rest assured that he trusts you. Always thank him for the frankness he showed in his conversation with you. Remember that shared secrets are very close. And let him be absolutely sure that you will not tell anyone what you learned about him. It is unfortunate that women quite often forget about this simple rule of relationships. No matter how good your best friend is, even she doesn’t need to know what you had a heart-to-heart talk with your man the day before.

It is clear that a woman is very tempted to share information with her friend or mother. These are close people and they do not wish you harm. But the sad life statistics stubbornly says that even close people should not be devoted to love affairs. As a result, you can lose both a friend and a beloved man.

Any relationship is built on trust. A man will not emotionally close himself off from you if there is trust between you. The path to trust is never easy. It is hard to earn and very easy to lose. Therefore, having acquired the precious gift of trust, keep it and protect it from any encroachment.

Learn more

I have shut down emotionally

Why You May Experience Emotional Detachment and What to Do About It

By choice

As a result of abuse

Other conditions

Medication

Asperger’s and emotional detachment

Why do I shut down emotionally?

What is dissociation?

Why do people shut off emotionally?

Is emotional shutdown a choice?

How to reconnect to your emotions

How to open a closed person? - Psychologos

The film "What Women Want"

Types of closed people

How to help a closed person?

How to train yourself to be open?

Comments (44):

Related content:

Emotional closeness of a man in a relationship. How to overcome it? | Man and woman