Living with a bipolar mother
When a parent has bipolar disorder - What kids want to know
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Children have a lot of questions when someone in their family is sick. When children don’t have answers to their questions, they tend to come up with their own, which can be incorrect and scary!
When the family member’s illness is bipolar disorder, it often becomes a secret that nobody talks about. All children need some explanation and support, geared to their age, to help them understand bipolar disorder.
Each parent and child’s “beginning conversation” about bipolar disorder will be different depending on the child’s age and ability to manage the information. You know your children best.
This brochure will help prepare you (whether you are the well parent, the parent with bipolar disorder, a grandparent or another adult in the child’s life) to take the first step. If you have already started talking to a child about bipolar disorder, this brochure will give you more information to keep the conversation going. It lists common questions children have about their parent’s bipolar disorder, as well as suggestions for how to answer their questions.
Questions kids have
What is bipolar disorder? How does bipolar disorder work?
- Bipolar disorder is an illness that affects how a person feels, thinks and acts. It is a sickness in the brain.
- When people have bipolar disorder, their brain works differently from the usual way. Our brains help us to think, feel and act in certain ways. When people have bipolar disorder, they think, feel and act differently from how they do when they’re well.
- There is almost always two different phases with bipolar disorder — lows called depression and highs called mania. During a low phase, the person is sad and often withdrawn. This is called depression. During a high phase, the person is either way too happy or way too angry. The person is very energetic and more outgoing than usual. This is called mania. At other times, the person is his or her usual self.
- Having bipolar disorder is not a weakness.
- Bipolar disorder can vary from person to person — it can be mild, or it can be a more difficult struggle.
Why does my dad act the way he does? How does it feel to have bipolar disorder? What goes on in my mom’s head when she’s not herself?
- Bipolar disorder causes people to act in ways that are different from how they usually act.
- Bipolar disorder is what causes the mood changes. The moods go in cycles.
- One parent said, “It was very hard because when I was high, I felt I could do anything. I didn't sleep or eat properly, and spent money excessively. The lows were very debilitating; I couldn't get out of bed, lost all interest in my work, in myself, my hobbies and my friends. The depression is the hard part. It makes it difficult to get out of bed.”
What does a “low mood,” or depression, mean? What does it look like?
- When people have low moods, they may be sad and cry a lot. They might also feel impatient and irritable and get more angry than usual.
- A parent in a low mood might not want to do things with the family like playing, talking or driving them places.
- They may get tired more easily and spend a lot of time in bed.
- Sometimes the low moods make them have trouble concentrating or thinking.
- The low moods may make them worry a lot more than usual.
- Their thinking may seem strange.
- They might have a bad attitude about life, or not think highly of themselves.
What does a “high mood”, or mania, mean? What does it look like?
- When people have high moods, they may feel like they are on top of the world, that they have “super powers” and can do anything. One parent described it as feeling really, really excited about something all of the time.
- They might spend more money, dress or act differently and say unusual things.
- However, high moods can also make them feel impatient and angrier.
- They might talk really fast, make quick decisions and seem distracted.
- They might not want to sleep as much and may stay awake longer.
How will bipolar disorder affect me? How will it affect my family?
- Bipolar disorder can affect the person with the illness, as well as other family members, in many different ways.
(*This would be an opportunity for the parent to discuss his or her own symptoms with the child.) - It can be very hard living with a parent who has bipolar disorder because that person may do or say things that make children feel bad, scared, sad, angry and often confused. This can happen when the parent is in a high or low mood. Sometimes it can feel like a parent with mood swings thinks mostly about him- or herself and doesn’t care much about what the kids think and feel.
- Bipolar disorder can make people feel ashamed so they don’t always want to talk about it.
- Remember that people with bipolar disorder will have their usual moods between the high and low moods. As the high or low mood improves, the person slowly starts acting more like him- or herself again.
What causes bipolar disorder? How does it start?
- Chemicals in the brain that are off balance cause bipolar disorder. But we don’t know for sure what makes the chemicals go off balance.
In some cases, symptoms can appear suddenly for no known reason. In other cases, the symptoms seem to come after a life crisis, stress or illness. - Bipolar disorder may also be genetic or inherited. However, it will usually not be passed to children. About one in 10 children of a parent with bipolar disorder will develop the illness. Nine out of 10 will not.
- It’s unclear why, but some people get bipolar disorder more easily than others do.
- The child is not the cause of the parent’s bipolar disorder.
Will the bipolar disorder ever be fixed?
- While there is no cure yet, the good news is that bipolar disorder is treatable. Most people with bipolar disorder manage very well with ongoing treatment and find that the illness is kept under control most of the time so they can lead a normal life.
- Almost everyone who gets treated will improve and some may get completely better. While there is always a chance that the bipolar disorder will come back, medicine can often prevent this from happening.
- If the mood problems do come back, they can be treated again.
How can my mom or dad get better?
- Many different treatments are available, including medicine and talk therapy.
- Medicine helps to make the chemicals in the brain work like usual. It can help people with bipolar disorder to be able to think, feel and behave more like their usual selves.
- Talk therapy gets people with bipolar disorder to talk with a therapist about what they are experiencing. The therapy helps them learn new ways to cope and to think, feel and behave in more positive ways. Sometimes the therapist will talk to the children and the family too, which can also help the person with bipolar disorder get better.
- There are also other kinds of treatment. If a child has questions about the help that a parent is getting, the child should ask to talk with a doctor, nurse or counsellor.
Is there anything I can do to make my mom or dad better?
- Family support is really important for people who have bipolar disorder, but it is the adults (such as doctors and therapists) who are responsible for being the “helpers,” not the kids.
- Even though you can’t fix bipolar disorder, sometimes just knowing what your parent is going through, and understanding that he or she has an illness and can get better, can help your parent.
Will it happen to me? Will I get it too?
- No one can ever know for sure if they will get bipolar disorder at some point in their lives.
- It’s natural to worry about this. Just like other illnesses, such as arthritis and diabetes, having bipolar disorder in your family might put you at greater risk of getting bipolar disorder yourself. But the chance of NOT getting the illness is far greater than the chance of getting the illness.
- It’s more important to focus on what you can do to help yourself deal with stress and lead a balanced life.
- If you are worried about getting bipolar disorder, try and find an adult that you trust to talk about your feelings.
Is there anything I can do so that I don’t get bipolar disorder?
- One of the most important things that kids can do to stay healthy and happy is to be open about how they’re feeling.
It’s healthy to let parents or other grown-ups in their life know what they’re going through. - By talking to parents, another family member, teacher or other grown-ups who care, kids can get the help they need to feel better and solve problems in their lives.
- Some kids who have a parent with bipolar disorder don’t always talk about the times when they’re feeling angry, sad, scared or confused. They think they will just give their parents something else to worry about, or that others don’t want to hear about those feelings. But that’s just not true!
- Participating in sports, hobbies and other activities with healthy grown-ups and kids is important because it helps to have fun and feel good about yourself.
- If the child is worried that he or she might have really low moods or really high moods, the child can talk to an adult (parent, teacher and/or family doctor) about it.
Can parents give it to other people? Is it like a cold? Can you catch bipolar disorder?
- No.
Bipolar disorder isn’t like a cold. There’s no germ. It’s not contagious. - There is no way of catching it. So a child could hang out with someone with bipolar disorder without ever having to worry about getting it.
What should I do if I am scared? What can I do when I’m really worried about my parent who has bipolar disorder?
- Sometimes children feel better if they make an action plan with their parents before they see mood changes in the parent with bipolar disorder. This helps them make decisions about what to do when they are scared.
- Action plans can include:
- making a list of “signs” that tell the child the parent is doing well
- making a list of “signs” that tell the child that the parent is not doing well
- having the name and number of an adult the child can call and
- writing down questions or worries.
- If the child is worried and has no one to talk to, he or she can call the Kids Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868 to talk to an adult who can help.
- If there is an emergency and the child needs someone there fast because he or she is worried that someone might get hurt or is hurt, the child can call 911.
- Sometimes people with bipolar disorder need to be in the hospital for a while to get better. If this happens, the child should make sure to get all his or her questions answered. Understanding what is going on will help the child to worry less and feel
better about the situation.
Questions about self-harm
The questions we’ve listed touch on the major issues of interest to children. However, children can ask many different questions about family situations. Once a conversation starts, it is difficult to know exactly what children might ask. Most parents are able to manage “spin-off” questions (e.g., Why is mom in the hospital? When will she come home?). The topic of suicide is harder to handle.
Many people with bipolar disorder do not have suicidal thoughts.
This is why we do not include this material in question-and-answer format. If questions arise around suicide or a parent self-harming, here are some ideas on how to share information with the child.
When children hear that someone is ill, they naturally wonder if the person might die. Children have asked if bipolar disorder can kill a person. While suicide is a risk with bipolar disorder, it is only one of the many symptoms a person might have. Children should understand that bipolar disorder does not cause the body to stop working, like a heart attack might. So no, it doesn’t kill people. But there are times when people with bipolar disorder might feel so bad while depressed that they say things like, “I want to die.” This can be a scary thing for a child to hear. And, once in a while, some people with bipolar disorder do try to hurt or kill themselves when they think and feel this way. When people feel this way, they need to see their doctor and/or therapist who can help.
If discussing this issue with children, it is important to reassure them that:- The parent has never wanted to hurt or kill him or herself.
(Say this only if it’s true.) - If the parent were feeling so bad that he or she wanted to die, a doctor, therapist or other adult could help the parent keep safe and stop feeling that way.
Brochures in the When a Parent Series
When a parent drinks too much: What kids want to know
When a parent is depressed: What kids want to know
When a parent has psychosis: What kids want to know
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Living with a Parent Who Has Bipolar Disorder
Bipolar disorder can affect family members and may make life particularly challenging for children.
But the right information and support can help kids and parents cope.
Bipolar disorder is a mental health condition that involves unanticipated changes in mood. These mood shifts can make life unpredictable and challenging for the family and loved ones of the person with bipolar disorder, including children.
Living with a parent who has bipolar disorder could cause feelings of guilt, stress, and helplessness in children.
If you are a child of a parent with bipolar disorder, reaching out to others with similar experiences can be validating, plus help you cope.
Learning more about bipolar disorder itself may also help you navigate your experience related to the condition at home and in social settings.
Bipolar disorder is a treatable condition. Many people with bipolar disorder find success with talk therapy, medication, or both.
Sometimes, even with treatment, bipolar disorder can affect family and other loved ones. For younger children, the challenge may be more pronounced, since they’re just beginning to learn about themselves and the world, often through their parents.
Possible effects of a parent’s manic or depressive episodes on kids
With whole family support, many children of people with bipolar disorder thrive.
The key is to talk about bipolar disorder and mental health as openly as possible with children. Trying to hide a mental health diagnosis, even if well intentioned, may lead to children experiencing emotional effects, including feelings of:
- guilt or depression
- uncertainty about their relationship with the parent
- anxiety or withdrawal
- shame
These feelings may make daily life hard for kids and affect their school performance and interpersonal relationships.
With the right resources, kids and their parents can manage these big feelings as they come up and maintain wellness.
I’m feeling overwhelmed by all of this. What are the top things I need to know about bipolar disorder?
Bipolar disorder has three main subtypes:
- Bipolar I disorder involves episodes of extreme high energy and agitation called mania.
- Bipolar II disorder involves episodes of mild-moderate mania that alternate with episodes of moderate-extreme depression.
- Cyclothymia involves depression and mania episodes that occur at the same time.
Some people experience hypomania, a less intense type of mania.
Episodes of mania can last for several days. People with some types of bipolar disorder may also experience periods of depression.
Many people with bipolar disorder can effectively manage it long term with medication and talk therapy.
How do I know if my parent has bipolar disorder?
A diagnosis is made based on the person’s symptoms and experiences.
You may see some signs of bipolar disorder in your parent, but only a mental health professional can rule out whether other conditions are causing their symptoms and confirm a bipolar disorder diagnosis.
Research shows family members and friends of people with bipolar disorder often notice small changes in the person before a formal diagnosis is made.
Symptoms are different for every person with bipolar disorder. General symptoms often include:
- extreme shifts in mood
- behaviors that cause consequences at work or with the law, like substance use
- nontypical or impulsive behaviors at home
Does this mean I’m going to have bipolar disorder? Or my kids?
If your parent has bipolar disorder, it does not mean you or your children will definitively have the condition too.
According to a 2018 review of research on bipolar disorder, there are no individual genes linked to the condition. Bipolar disorder does not follow a Mendelian pattern of inheritance, researchers note. That means you don’t get it directly from a parent as you might your hair or eye color.
However, there is a level of hereditary at play with bipolar disorder. People who have a close relative with bipolar disorder have a 5% to 10% chance of also having it. This is about seven times higher than the chances in the general population.
Can someone with bipolar disorder be a ‘good’ parent?
Absolutely. Parents with bipolar disorder can still be “good” parents.
Someone with bipolar disorder has the same capacity to love and make mistakes as any other person.
Mind.org details an account of a mom with bipolar disorder who internalizes how the condition affects her kids. She recounts their appreciation of her energy and zest for life at times, and their “unsettled” apprehension at other times.
A 2016 article published in Annals of Family Medicine shares the perspective of a daughter whose father has bipolar disorder. The author recalls memories of fun or obnoxious behavior from her father, hurtful comments he made, and the disconnection when her father experienced a depressive episode.
Like these personal accounts show, your experiences as the child of a parent with bipolar disorder are unique to you. You might see your upbringing no different from anyone else’s: a mix of both good and complicated memories.
Can I make them feel better?
Mood changes are not the fault of a child.
Bipolar disorder is a serious mental health condition. Mood changes start in the brain, often before outward signs manifest. That means even if environmental factors may make an episode of mania or depression more likely, they don’t start because of you.
In the same way, a child cannot stop a change in mood or episode of mania or depression.
But here’s what you can do to help your parent feel better:
- Give them space. Try not to bombard them with requests that can wait.
- Loop in a friend or family member who’s helped them with bipolar disorder episodes in the past, perhaps like your grandparent or an aunt or uncle.
- If it’s a dangerous situation, you can call your parent’s doctor or an emergency number like 911. If you call 911, ask the operator to send someone trained in mental health. These responders are called crisis intervention training (CIT) officers.
If immediate help is needed, you can bring your parent to the nearest hospital.
Are there things I should look out for to know when an episode is starting?
The signs of mania or depression are a bit different for each person. Some people with bipolar disorder may track the early warning signs to help them manage the condition.
Before an episode of mania, you may notice your parent with bipolar disorder:
- needs less sleep
- suddenly has a better mood
- is more active
Before an episode of depression, you may notice they have:
- low energy
- a lack of interest in people or activities
- sorrowful thoughts or expressions
You can support your parent without it being at the expense of your own distress by learning early signs of mood shifts and protecting your well-being.
What do I do if I feel distressed?
It’s common to feel distressed if you live with a parent who has bipolar disorder.
The American Psychological Association recommends finding your own support, in particular from others in similar circumstances.
A family support group, which you can find through organizations like the National Alliance on Mental Illness, may be an option.
You can also consider online support groups or one-on-one support through talk therapy.
You can take steps to help your parent manage their condition while still protecting and supporting your well-being.
You might try:
- maintaining your physical health through exercise and nutritious eating
- engaging with others through online therapy or group therapy
- trying not to take words or expressions personally when a parent is experiencing mania or depression
- learning strategies for helping them during an episode of mania
- listening to others’ stories about living with people who have bipolar disorder
- setting healthy boundaries between yourself and your parent
Your experience as a child of someone with bipolar disorder can change over time as you both age.
Ongoing support and attention can provide tools to ease the journey.
Children of parents with bipolar disorder can experience many emotions related to the condition. Learning about it and reaching out to others can help you cope. Remember, a parent’s mental health condition is not your fault.
Together, the entire family can move forward with the right resources and support.
90,000 “came to my senses when the children asked to eat”: Revelations of the beauty from Yekaterinburg about life with a bipolar disorder ofKomsomolskaya Pravda
Society: Tatyana Samoilova
was tested on herself June 16, 2022 17:09
Beauty from Yekaterinburg Elena Osipova frankly told how she is struggling with bipolar disorder
A business woman decided to go to the hospital only when she was 33 years old own brand, brings up two sons and helps people. Looking at this 34-year-old business woman, you can’t even tell that she has been struggling with a psychological illness all her life, because of which she tried to commit suicide several times and almost went crazy.
Elena did not receive family support. Photo: provided by the heroine of the publication. Photo: Evgenia Kobeeva for the Living Stories project
“PARENTS ACCUSED OF LAZY”
Little Lena was often perceived as a strange and peculiar child. When she was ten years old, she first began to notice a strong change in her mood. Today she is an active and cheerful girl who puts on plays with her friends or sells newspapers on the street to earn money for food for homeless animals. And tomorrow - Lena, having come from school, falls exhausted on the sofa and falls asleep until the next morning right in her uniform.
- You don't have any emotions, you don't want anything, you don't have the strength for anything, - Elena describes her condition. - Parents looked like everything was ordinary laziness, they said that because of this I would grow up a loser, and I would not succeed in life. And I, being a small child, could not explain this state to myself.
I was looking for an excuse in some events, they say, my parents are not happy with the way I study, I quarreled with a friend, my dad forbids dating a guy I like. Now I understand that such events can cause a state of sadness, apathy, but definitely not depression, when you stop seeing the meaning in life. This not normal.
Lena's problems started when she was a child. Photo: provided by the heroine of the publication
According to Lena, her family did not support her. But even at school she could not find consolation. She did not have a relationship with the class teacher.
- The teacher humiliated me in front of the whole class, saying that I was an upstart. One day I asked her: "Why do you work at a school if you don't like children." Then she told me: “And you will end your life as a prostitute and a drug addict.” As a 12-year-old child, I took it very close to my heart and really believed that everything would be so, ”recalls Lena.
For many years a woman did not betray her condition in any way.
Photo: provided by the heroine of the publication
“I DID NOT WANT TO LIVE AND BLAME EVERYONE AROUND”
Over time, Lena's condition only worsened, but she still did not betray this significance. I tried several professions, opened my own atelier, beauty salon and tattoo parlor. But none of the business went well.
- I could not get in touch with my partners for weeks. I remember this state: you are lying, you see a phone call, but you just roll over to the other side, because there is no strength to talk. At the same time, I constantly looked for reasons in other people, blaming everyone around. It seemed to me that everyone took up arms against me, that they laugh at me behind my back, they want to betray me, ”says Elena. - I just complained to my close friends about life, and they answered something like: "He's just a goat, but don't worry, you can handle everything."
“I got behind the wheel drunk hoping to crash”, - Elena Osipova. Photo: Evgenia Kobeeva for the Living Stories project
But Lena couldn't cope.
The state when she felt that she could move mountains was steadily changing with the realization that she was generally incapable of anything and did not deserve anything.
- I just didn't have the strength to endure all this anymore. I felt like a complete failure. I got behind the wheel drunk hoping to crash, but there were always people who saved me. And I am very grateful to them for this, - Elena continues.
When Lena was 25 years old, after another suicide attempt, she first decided to go to a psychiatric clinic. But things did not go beyond one visit.
- There, in the corridor, sat a man who looked like a vegetable, he was banging his head against the wall and drooling from his mouth. I looked at it and thought: “It seems that I don’t belong here after all,” the woman recalls.
Elena Osipova is raising two sons. Photo: courtesy of the heroine of the publication
“I COME TO MYSELF WHEN THE CHILDREN ASKED TO EAT”
Until the age of 33, Lena did not believe that her problems were so significant as to ask for help.
She met a handsome boxer and gave birth to two sons from him.
- After that, I attributed my condition to postpartum depression: "I gave birth, it's hard for me, but who said it would be easy." We started arguing with the father of my sons. I couldn't get along with anyone then. They lived like on a powder keg. In 2019, we finally broke up. For several months I practically didn’t leave the house, I came to my senses only when the children came up to me and said: “Mom, we want to eat.” I literally crawled off the couch and cooked food for them, - Elena Osipova recalls.
A woman is sure: “The upbringing and attitude laid down by parents is the most important bridge in our life.” Photo: Evgenia Kobeeva for the Living Stories project
In January 2021, Lena realized: “If I don’t do anything now, I might completely go crazy.” At the hospital, Elena was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder with bipolar symptoms and prescribed medication.
- The treatment lasted about half a year.
But I felt improvement within a month. At the same time, she began to go to appointments with a psychotherapist. We figured out why all this happened to me. The answer was obvious: all the problems from childhood. If my parents had believed from the very beginning that something was wrong with me, that I needed help strengthening my psyche, none of this would have happened. I understand that this is not a problem of a particular family, but of most people, but with my story I want to say that the upbringing and attitude laid down by parents is the most important bridge in our life, - Elena is sure.
Elena is convinced: "First of all, it is important for people to take care of their health." Photo: Evgenia Kobeeva for the Living Stories project
Elena Osipova has been leading an active life for the last year. It develops not only in entrepreneurship, but also in many socially significant projects. But the business lady was so carried away by her new life that she again stopped caring about her mental health.
..
- Two months ago I caught myself in an incomprehensible state. I painted a table in the country. And in the morning I discovered that in some places I painted it in three layers, in some places I didn’t paint over it at all (Laughs). It turned out that I have Attention Deficit Disorder. Urgently called her psychotherapist to start a course of treatment.
“Don't be afraid to appear weak, imperfect, look for those people who will help you”, - Elena Osipova. Photo: Evgenia Kobeeva for the Living Stories project
Elena is sure that in Russia people do not turn to specialists for help until the very end, because they think that their problems are not so serious. But this is wrong.
- If you notice symptoms of this or any other disease, do not be afraid to say to yourself: "Yes, I'm not a perfect person." But it is the recognition of these difficulties that helps to solve the problems. Do not be afraid to seem weak, imperfect, look for those people who will help you and provide you with qualified assistance.
And most importantly, always continue to monitor your condition, even if it seems to you that everything is already fine.
Elena Osipova constantly helps people who find themselves in difficult life situations. Photo: courtesy of the heroine of the publication
“IT IS IMPORTANT TO HELP NOT TO GIVE UP”
Elena Osipova has learned from her own experience how people sometimes need help and support. This inspired her to start her own charitable foundation.
- Life's difficulties can break any person. I, like no one else, understand how important it is that at such moments you are picked up and directed, helped not to give up. In my foundation, we do a lot of social projects, - Elena shares.
On April 21, Elena Osipova presented the Living Stories project, which aims to inspire people to never give up. Photo: provided by the heroine of the publication
On April 21, a public figure presented another project dedicated to how important it is, no matter what happens in your life, to still seek yourself and your vocation and succeed in it.
- The Living Stories project tells about the fate of people whose lives were broken for one reason or another, but they were able to defeat conventions, their complexes and grievous losses, - says Elena.
“It is important that in difficult moments you are picked up and guided, helped not to give up,” - Elena Osipova. Photo: Evgeniya Kobeeva for the Living Stories project
EXPERT'S COMMENT
Aleksey KIYAKH, certified psychotherapist:
change each other for no reason. In borderline personality disorder with bipolar symptoms, there are also fluctuations in the state, but they occur for certain reasons that need to be dealt with. Our personality consists of our life experience, behavior patterns, beliefs, rules, prohibitions, internal attitudes. And this is corrected not by pills, but by working on oneself and working with a specialist. At the same time, medical treatment is extremely important. It helps to cope with a critical condition, as was the case with Elena.
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How to live with bipolar disorder | Chita.ru
Manic-depressive psychosis, or simply bipolar: under these names, the people know the disorder, which affects an average of five to eight people out of a thousand. There are many myths about him, including quite ridiculous ones.
On Bipolar Affective Disorder Awareness Day, March 30, journalist Ekaterina Bormotova told E1.RU how to live with this diagnosis.
A few years ago I was diagnosed with a “fashionable” then already diagnosis - F31.
Translated from medical into Russian, this means "bipolar affective disorder." Many thanks to the doctors for choosing such a pleasant term for the name of my illness, because earlier, back in Soviet times, it was called "manic-depressive psychosis" - you must admit, it's scary.
But the pleasant term also has a downside: few people take the illness with that name seriously. “Manic-depressive psychosis” sounds impressive, and bipolar is something about teenagers who have not decided on their mood. At least that's how it is perceived by many. And it didn't help at all when I was diagnosed. Not at all.
I was 27 when I first came to the regional psychiatric hospital. She called an ambulance herself: I was at home alone and felt that now I can do something with myself. My consciousness seemed to split in two: some part of me wanted to end this life, but the other part understood that it should not do this. It's very scary. Imagine that you are locked in a room with a killer and must persuade him not to kill you.
Now imagine that this room is your mind and the killer is you.
By that time I had already seen a psychiatrist, the doctor thought that I had recurrent depressive disorder. He was partly right: depression is part of bipolar. But the second part of it is mania.
People often don't understand the difference between depression and bad mood. I have a simple explanation: depression is running in water. You do everything that you do on land, you strain your muscles in the same way, you apply the same efforts, but because of the resistance of the water you cannot get the same result. To follow this analogy, mania is weightlessness. Your efforts are not hindered by gravity, you barely push off the ground and fly, not run.
“It's a nice feeling, but if you wanted to run from point A to point B, then hovering over the surface is not quite the desired result,” Ekaterina Bormotova.
Movie and book protagonists usually say, "I always knew there was something wrong with me.
" I never thought so. I was convinced that all people live and feel the same way as I do, they are just stronger and cope, and I always do some stupid things and spoil everything. Even in our youth, my future husband said that I needed to see a psychologist. Of course, I didn't think so. Later, when we got married, he started talking about a psychiatrist, but I was convinced that everything was fine with me.
In the end, I went to the doctor only after the divorce, and he found that I was depressed. And a year and a half later, they brought me to the eighth kilometer (Siberian tract, the address of the psychiatric hospital - ed.) .
There were about 20 people in the hospital room. No bedside tables, no TV, no flowers on the windows - only beds with white sheets, I was wearing a hospital nightgown, a toothbrush and slippers from personal things. This is called the "observation chamber", newcomers enter there. It sounds creepy, but when you realize that the alternative is death, the choice is obvious.
Then those who are not dangerous for themselves and others are transferred to other wards, where you can already have personal belongings, but you still can’t use the phone or, for example, embroider.
The number of suicides in Russia and the world is decreasing every year, but still remains at a high level
Photo: Infographic: Vitaly Kalistratov / City Portal Network
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I left the hospital after a month and a half and told about my illness on social networks. I know some people thought it was overkill, and some people thought I was a hero for coming out with an open face, but let's be honest, I had no choice. At work, they knew what hospital I ended up in, and the journalistic community is compact, one way or another people would know that I was in a madhouse. It was easier to tell myself than to catch meaningful looks and fight rumors when I wanted to change jobs.
Then a new life began.
Because of one of the drugs, I gained 20 kg, slept 16 hours a day and did not want to leave the house. I was lucky that I could work remotely, my parents supported me, but even so I was forced to get into debt. I can’t imagine how people with my diagnosis cope with work at this stage, it’s very difficult: due to antipsychotics, absent-mindedness appears, cognitive functions weaken, and communication skills are lost.
“To put it simply, you become very stupid, slow and withdrawn,” Ekaterina Bormotova.
Books and films about bipolar often reveal the problem of accepting treatment - many people find it difficult to come to terms with the fact that they will have to take drugs for the rest of their lives, which also cause side effects. But they don't say anything about losing yourself. Here you live for 27 years and think that certain character traits are characteristic of you, and then you find out that, perhaps, these are not character traits, but a disease.
How to understand where you end and the disease begins? How to understand that it was you who wanted to hitchhike, get a cat, move to another city or get married, and not sick thoughts influenced your decisions? Do you love Aivazovsky in general, or did you just see his canvas in mania, when all feelings are aggravated to the limit? I am in several patient communities, and this is what really worries a lot of people.
Being a person with bipolar disorder is not as difficult as living next to such a person. Over time, the body gets used to the drugs and ceases to give very harsh side effects. Some drugs are a thing of the past and are used only during periods of exacerbations, some doctors find a replacement if they complain about unpleasant effects. They picked up a good working scheme for me, with which I can live a full life: work, communicate with people, help loved ones. But, of course, there are exacerbations.
An aggravation does not start all at once, it develops over several days or weeks.
It is very important to notice this at the very beginning, otherwise there will be problems - from quarrels with loved ones to losing a job and debts. Debts... Damn money in mania is spent like it's not yours. Even before I was diagnosed, I had to mess with it terribly. You know, I would forbid giving people loans without an examination by a psychiatrist. At the very least, it would save me from a number of problems. Fortunately, I never had large sums or property, so I lost a little.
“Nevertheless, it is a shame to realize that the money that I lost due to exacerbations would have been enough for at least the first installment on the mortgage,” Ekaterina Bormotova.
In exacerbations, I offended people, made people fall in love with me, let people down, destroyed important connections, made new dubious ones, behaved disgustingly and defiantly, did things that I regret very much and will regret all my life. And I don't want that ever again. If for this you need to take pills for life, I'm ready.
I am very lucky to have close people. Almost no one abandoned me after I told about my diagnosis, although I know that many patients experience this. It was a little difficult to explain to some close people why I agreed to the treatment - they told me: “You don’t need it, I know you, everything is fine with you, you are normal.” Relatives and friends often persuade patients to stop taking medications, because with the drugs they become “strangers”. But it's not. I am convinced that with treatment we do not lose ourselves, we find ourselves. It just takes time sometimes. Sometimes this time is measured in years.
I think that being a person with bipolar disorder is not as difficult as living with such a person. My loved ones are forced to constantly remember that my behavior may be due to illness. My mother often asks questions that can annoy an adult. I say that I fell in love, baked a cake or hung out at a bar until five in the morning, and I see wariness in her eyes: she is afraid that this is mania, which will invariably be followed by depression.
