I cheat on my husband every day


I Cheated on My Husband. Now What?

Marriage is full of mutual agreements, and unless the two of you are consensually non-monogamous, promising not to sleep with other people is a big one. While marital infidelity is likely as old as the institution itself, our average life expectancies are lengthening—meaning many husbands and wives are bound to each other for decades more than their grandparents were. "We expect one person to give us what once an entire village used to provide, and we live twice as long," psychotherapist Esther Perel writes in The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity, regarding the state of modern unions. In her book, Perel also points out that the rate of women who admit they've been unfaithful to their husbands has risen by 40 percent since 1990. Regardless of the reasons why people stray, one thing is undeniable: Cheating happens.

If you have cheated on your husband and aren't sure what to do next, here's what two experts suggest.

If you'd like stay in your marriage, cease all contact with the other person.

You must avoid the temptation to cheat again—plus, you need some space to process exactly what happened and why. "If you would like your marriage to survive, make the commitment to end all communication with the person you cheated with," says Rhonda Richards-Smith, a psychotherapist and relationship expert based in L.A. "Take the necessary steps to do so ASAP."

This means no coffee dates, Facebook messages, or prolonged text exchanges with them in the name of "closure." It's neither mean nor selfish to block them on social media and delete their number after you've let them know that it's over for good.

Ask yourself some important questions.

You were physically attracted to someone else, and you acted on it—but that's far from the only reason why people cheat. Examining your motives can help you hit on the deeper reasons, and get you thinking about what you need from your marriage and from yourself.

Richards-Smith suggests considering these:

  1. What key elements do I feel are lacking in my marriage?
  2. Do I have unfair or unrealistic expectations of my spouse?
  3. Am I prepared to face the consequences of my actions by addressing this with my partner directly?

Dr. Doug Weiss, PhD, marriage counselor and author of Partner Betrayal Trauma, offers three more tough questions to answer:

  1. What inside me is broken or hurt that allowed this to happen?
  2. Where along the way did I know to stop doing any of the following, yet didn’t: Flirting, texting, sending pics, meeting up alone, or speaking ill of my marriage?
  3. What needs or desires was this relationship meeting inside of me, that I wasn’t fulfilling in a healthier manner?

Yes, you should consider telling him.

"Deception in your marriage leads to a bubbling under the surface that will spill over and compromise the health of your union," Richards-Smith says. "Whether you realize it or not, neglecting to tell your spouse about your infidelity may eat away at your relationship in unexpected ways."

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Weiss agrees. "If you keep the secret, you may repeat the behavior," he says, and points out that a calm confession is infinitely better than an admission via a spontaneous angry outburst (or worse, getting caught before you can own up to anything on your own terms). "Also, secrets can cause us to medicate, so if you have any tendencies toward addiction the guilt could exacerbate it."

If you don't feel comfortable telling him at home, Weiss suggests taking him to a public place you rarely go to for neutral ground (somewhere such as a park where you can have some privacy, of course, not Chuck E. Cheese on a Saturday afternoon). Follow your husband's emotional lead after you break the news.

"Expect silence, rage, disbelief, or tears," Weiss continues. "Your husband may want to start marriage counseling, or want some space to process your actions. This disclosure has to be about him, not you, at this time."

It's fair to tell him how and when it started, and how long things went on for—but beware of sharing nitty-gritty sexual details, even if he asks. "Details about acts and places are not helpful, because he will never forget," Weiss warns.

Resist any urge to blame your partner for your infidelity.

You may have chosen to cheat in part because you resent your husband for things he's doing—or failing to do—in your relationship. Maybe you're sexually unsatisfied, or think he hasn't done his part to keep the spark alive. It's possible he's even cheated himself previously and you're getting even, either consciously or subconsciously. Regardless, the fact remains that you, and only you, betrayed your husband's trust by acting on the urge to cheat.

"The spouse that's been unfaithful should never blame their partner for their own decisions and behavior," Richards-Smith says. "Taking ownership and full responsibility is critical if both partners hope to recover." Even if one or both of you ultimately choose to end the marriage, owning your role in your infidelity will put you in a better place for relationships going forward.

Marriage counseling can help, as can individual therapy.

If you and your husband want to repair the rift between you, a professional can try to ensure you hear each other. "The events leading up to the physical act of cheating can be addressed during couples counseling, but there may be other concerns that also need to be resolved," Richards-Smith advises. These issues include emotional distance, health changes, and stress outside of the marriage, she says.

"If there are underlying issues related to previous experiences, or trauma that's never been addressed, individual therapy for each partner may also be appropriate," Richards-Smith adds.

Regaining your husband's trust will take work—and time.

Your infidelity has made your husband feel bad, and that might be filling you with crushing guilt. But Weiss cautions against trying to make yourself feel better by essentially pressuring him to move past it. Try your absolute best to let him process his emotions in the days and months that follow, on his own timetable.

In the meantime, hold up your own end of the bargain by maintaining the no-contact rule with the person or people you cheated with. If that person is a coworker, keep necessary interactions all-business (remember, no one-on-one texts or DMs!). And even if you're afraid of becoming a villain in your in-laws' eyes, don't ask him to stay silent about your indiscretion.

"Don't tell your partner he can’t ask for help from friends or family. Don't deny his right to seek therapy, and never demand that he deal with his feelings alone," Weiss says. "That will isolate him, and now he'll feel he's keeping a big secret from everyone. It would cause him to feel even more impacted by your cheating."

Communication is an ongoing process.

"It's important to establish very clear boundaries and ground rules about how the couple will cope and communicate moving forward," says Richards-Smith. "Whatever you do, do not make assumptions about what is and is not mutually acceptable in your relationship."

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"Commit to having difficult conversations with your spouse on a regular basis to address additional concerns as they arise," she adds. If honesty and communication are a chronic issue for the two of you, a marriage counselor may be able to help you devise techniques to improve your dialogue around tough topics.

There's a possibility your marriage may not survive it.

Some people who cheat actually surprise themselves with an absence of guilty feelings, or they decide they've actually fallen for the other person. Others realize they've chosen infidelity as a possible escape chute out of their marriage. Alternately, a husband may ultimately decide he can't get over it and leave. All of these revelations are often followed by divorce, or to perhaps put it more optimistically, a new beginning.

"There's some cases in which, despite their best efforts, a couple decides to part ways," says Richards-Smith. "For example, if infidelity continues to occur, you're no longer emotionally invested in your marriage, or either partner has repeatedly expressed that they're no longer interested in continuing the relationship."

"I ask couples to give it a full effort for one year," Weiss says. And good news: In over 30 years, Weiss says most of the couples he's worked with have come out on the other side of an affair or cheating incident with a stronger relationship than ever.


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ADVICE: 'I can't stop cheating on my husband'

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A 15-year marriage and an emotionally distant husband has a woman caught up in a vortex of affairs.

by Maja Begovic

Reader can't stop lacklustre affairs. GETTY

Dear Asking For a Friend,

I fell in love and married my husband when we were both in our 20s. Three kids and fifteen years later, we are at a place where we can finally breathe a little and focus on each other. From the outside in, I have it all, which is why I am so ashamed to admit that in the last five years, I have had multiple affairs. Sex with these men is not that great, but what keeps me hooked is the rush that I feel from the chase. While sex with my husband is typically off the charts, over the years, he has become distant and emotionally unavailable in other parts of our relationship. We never spend quality time alone anymore unless we are having sex. What’s wrong with me and why can’t I stop cheating?

Signed, Unfaithful

Dear Unfaithful,

The rush you are describing is caused by the release of dopamine, the feel-good chemical in the brain that’s triggered by feelings of excitement and arousal. No doubt you have considered that the cost of this temporary high could be your marriage. It sounds like you still care about your husband, though your relationship lacks a bit of oomph — but an affair is not the antidote to relationship restlessness. If you’re willing to put in the work, it’s possible to let go of the emotional blocks that lead you to cheat in the first place.

ADVERTISEMENT

Advertisement

“A person who wants to stop cheating needs to be honest with themselves and have people in their lives who can be honest with them,” says Nat Roman registered psychotherapist at Couple Therapy Toronto . “They may need to go through periods of loneliness and loss to recognize that their choices have been shallow and selfish. They may also need help from a therapist to do some healing work around early life relational trauma and fears of abandonment before they are capable of remaining in a respectful, committed relationship.”

Roman says that couples can move past infidelity and restore trust and love if the relationship prior to the betrayal was healthy and fulfilling, if the cheater shows remorse, and if both partners can be honest about their fears and motivations.

“It is certainly possible to repair a relationship after an affair if both partners are committed to the healing work,” says Roman. “This is not easy, and each person has to be able to be honest with themselves and be willing to go through the pain, fear, anger and insecurity that often accompanies trying to heal from this kind of betrayal.”

In general, men are more likely than women to cheat. In a recent study, 20 per cent of men and 13 per cent of women reported that they’ve had sex with someone other than their spouse while married. Narcissism, convenience, lack of emotional connection with their primary partner, decreased sexual desire, abandonment issues and fears of intimacy are just some of the reasons for the indiscretions.

ADVERTISEMENT

Advertisement

But the gender infidelity gap is not as wide as we think, and both men and women outsource their desires for similar reasons. Esther Perel , a Belgian psychotherapist, author and international expert on sex and relationships, suggests that affairs have nothing to do with your partner and everything to do with your desire to transform your life. If she is right, an affair can be a catalyst for change — a way to reimagine your marriage and reinvent yourself.

Instead of investing your time in men who deplete your physical, sexual and mental energy, try to rebuild your relationship and work on your marriage. Be willing to compromise and ask for what you need, like quality time with your husband outside of the bedroom. Five years is a long time to carry on with multiple affairs, especially if you’re not connecting emotionally with these men or at least having mind-blowing sex.

Is there something about health that you (or a friend, wink, wink) have always wondered about, but are too embarrassed to ask? Send a note to [email protected]. We promise your ‘friend’s’ secret – and identity –  is safe with us.

Don’t miss the latest on COVID-19, reopening and life. Subscribe to Healthing’s newsletter  Coming out of COVID  for daily updates on the top health news and the  Healthing Weekender  delivered to your inbox on Saturday.

ADVERTISEMENT

Advertisement

 

 

Share Story

ADVICE: 'I can't stop cheating on my husband'

Dear Asking For a Friend,

I fell in love and married my husband when we were both in our 20s. Three kids and fifteen years later, we are at a place where we can finally breathe a little and focus on each other. From the outside in, I have it all, which is why I am so ashamed to admit that in the last five years, I have had multiple affairs. Sex with these men is not that great, but what keeps me hooked is the rush that I feel from the chase. While sex with my husband is typically off the charts, over the years, he has become distant and emotionally unavailable in other parts of our relationship. We never spend quality time alone anymore unless we are having sex. What’s wrong with me and why can’t I stop cheating?

Signed, Unfaithful

Dear Unfaithful,

The rush you are describing is caused by the release of dopamine, the feel-good chemical in the brain that’s triggered by feelings of excitement and arousal. No doubt you have considered that the cost of this temporary high could be your marriage. It sounds like you still care about your husband, though your relationship lacks a bit of oomph — but an affair is not the antidote to relationship restlessness. If you’re willing to put in the work, it’s possible to let go of the emotional blocks that lead you to cheat in the first place.

ADVERTISEMENT

Advertisement

“A person who wants to stop cheating needs to be honest with themselves and have people in their lives who can be honest with them,” says Nat Roman registered psychotherapist at Couple Therapy Toronto . “They may need to go through periods of loneliness and loss to recognize that their choices have been shallow and selfish. They may also need help from a therapist to do some healing work around early life relational trauma and fears of abandonment before they are capable of remaining in a respectful, committed relationship.

Roman says that couples can move past infidelity and restore trust and love if the relationship prior to the betrayal was healthy and fulfilling, if the cheater shows remorse, and if both partners can be honest about their fears and motivations.

“It is certainly possible to repair a relationship after an affair if both partners are committed to the healing work,” says Roman. “This is not easy, and each person has to be able to be honest with themselves and be willing to go through the pain, fear, anger and insecurity that often accompanies trying to heal from this kind of betrayal.”

In general, men are more likely than women to cheat. In a recent study, 20 per cent of men and 13 per cent of women reported that they’ve had sex with someone other than their spouse while married. Narcissism, convenience, lack of emotional connection with their primary partner, decreased sexual desire, abandonment issues and fears of intimacy are just some of the reasons for the indiscretions.

ADVERTISEMENT

Advertisement

But the gender infidelity gap is not as wide as we think, and both men and women outsource their desires for similar reasons. Esther Perel , a Belgian psychotherapist, author and international expert on sex and relationships, suggests that affairs have nothing to do with your partner and everything to do with your desire to transform your life. If she is right, an affair can be a catalyst for change — a way to reimagine your marriage and reinvent yourself.

Instead of investing your time in men who deplete your physical, sexual and mental energy, try to rebuild your relationship and work on your marriage. Be willing to compromise and ask for what you need, like quality time with your husband outside of the bedroom. Five years is a long time to carry on with multiple affairs, especially if you’re not connecting emotionally with these men or at least having mind-blowing sex.

Is there something about health that you (or a friend, wink, wink) have always wondered about, but are too embarrassed to ask? Send a note to [email protected]. We promise your ‘friend’s’ secret – and identity –  is safe with us.

Don’t miss the latest on COVID-19, reopening and life. Subscribe to Healthing’s newsletter  Coming out of COVID  for daily updates on the top health news and the  Healthing Weekender  delivered to your inbox on Saturday.

ADVERTISEMENT

Advertisement

 

 

Share Story

ADVICE: 'I can't stop cheating on my husband'

Dear Asking For a Friend,

I fell in love and married my husband when we were both in our 20s. Three kids and fifteen years later, we are at a place where we can finally breathe a little and focus on each other. From the outside in, I have it all, which is why I am so ashamed to admit that in the last five years, I have had multiple affairs. Sex with these men is not that great, but what keeps me hooked is the rush that I feel from the chase. While sex with my husband is typically off the charts, over the years, he has become distant and emotionally unavailable in other parts of our relationship. We never spend quality time alone anymore unless we are having sex. What’s wrong with me and why can’t I stop cheating?

Signed, Unfaithful

Dear Unfaithful,

The rush you are describing is caused by the release of dopamine, the feel-good chemical in the brain that’s triggered by feelings of excitement and arousal. No doubt you have considered that the cost of this temporary high could be your marriage. It sounds like you still care about your husband, though your relationship lacks a bit of oomph — but an affair is not the antidote to relationship restlessness. If you’re willing to put in the work, it’s possible to let go of the emotional blocks that lead you to cheat in the first place.

ADVERTISEMENT

Advertisement

“A person who wants to stop cheating needs to be honest with themselves and have people in their lives who can be honest with them,” says Nat Roman registered psychotherapist at Couple Therapy Toronto . “They may need to go through periods of loneliness and loss to recognize that their choices have been shallow and selfish. They may also need help from a therapist to do some healing work around early life relational trauma and fears of abandonment before they are capable of remaining in a respectful, committed relationship.

Roman says that couples can move past infidelity and restore trust and love if the relationship prior to the betrayal was healthy and fulfilling, if the cheater shows remorse, and if both partners can be honest about their fears and motivations.

“It is certainly possible to repair a relationship after an affair if both partners are committed to the healing work,” says Roman. “This is not easy, and each person has to be able to be honest with themselves and be willing to go through the pain, fear, anger and insecurity that often accompanies trying to heal from this kind of betrayal.”

In general, men are more likely than women to cheat. In a recent study, 20 per cent of men and 13 per cent of women reported that they’ve had sex with someone other than their spouse while married. Narcissism, convenience, lack of emotional connection with their primary partner, decreased sexual desire, abandonment issues and fears of intimacy are just some of the reasons for the indiscretions.

ADVERTISEMENT

Advertisement

But the gender infidelity gap is not as wide as we think, and both men and women outsource their desires for similar reasons. Esther Perel , a Belgian psychotherapist, author and international expert on sex and relationships, suggests that affairs have nothing to do with your partner and everything to do with your desire to transform your life. If she is right, an affair can be a catalyst for change — a way to reimagine your marriage and reinvent yourself.

Instead of investing your time in men who deplete your physical, sexual and mental energy, try to rebuild your relationship and work on your marriage. Be willing to compromise and ask for what you need, like quality time with your husband outside of the bedroom. Five years is a long time to carry on with multiple affairs, especially if you’re not connecting emotionally with these men or at least having mind-blowing sex.

Is there something about health that you (or a friend, wink, wink) have always wondered about, but are too embarrassed to ask? Send a note to [email protected]. We promise your ‘friend’s’ secret – and identity –  is safe with us.

Don’t miss the latest on COVID-19, reopening and life. Subscribe to Healthing’s newsletter  Coming out of COVID  for daily updates on the top health news and the  Healthing Weekender  delivered to your inbox on Saturday.

ADVERTISEMENT

Advertisement

 

 

Share Story

ADVICE: 'I can't stop cheating on my husband'

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I'm cheating on my husband, I just can't stop!!! What to do?

#1

#2

9000 #3

#5

#6

#7

#8

Guest

Apparently there is no love for her husband. 11 December 2016 I've been married for 15 years, I've been cheating for 12 years, I have one permanent lover, and a couple of admirers, with them on occasion. Sometimes small intrigues. And my husband is good, we live perfectly, but in general, he doesn’t need sex with him, but I’m not interested in him.

#10

#11

Guest

I can't stop for 4 years. There was a break for 8 months. then again.

#12

#13

Need5 no help

It's just hard for me to live a double life. Well, plus, I can’t come to terms with the fact that I myself condemned lovers / mistresses all my life and didn’t understand how it was possible, this is some kind of life, but only the unfortunate do it. And I myself did not understand how I was lucky to be among them. Tried to live only home-work, but it's sickening to the point of insanity. I want to be liked, outwardly attractive, it’s hard to pretend to be an exemplary strict family aunt who actually suffers without attention and feeds on it energetically

#14

#15

Baba Ira

Author, and if you find out that it is cheating, it will become easier? December 11, 2016 I need an educational program.

#18

Need help

Apparently not. But it was ... where did it all go?????? There was some kind of fatherly love left, that is, I love it tightly like something native, but there’s no way sexually. In general, different planes

#19

Strange

All without children, as I understand it? from boredom of all trades?

#20

Need help

Without children. YES, apparently, there is nothing to do. When the children are there, of course, it’s not up to it, I see how my friends with children live. Plus, they are embarrassed about their body after childbirth. I have nothing to be ashamed of, I willingly undress, I even love this business

#21

Need help

Without children YES, apparently, there is nothing to do. When the children are there, of course, it’s not up to it, I see how my friends with children live. Plus, they are embarrassed about their body after childbirth. I have nothing to be ashamed of, I willingly undress, I even love this business

#23

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#24

#25,0005

Guest

It is better with one husband. Why dilute the dirt. 11 December 2016 It's just getting used to it or something. nine0005

#28

Need help

Without children. YES, apparently, there is nothing to do. When the children are there, of course, it’s not up to it, I see how my friends with children live. Plus, they are embarrassed about their body after childbirth. I have nothing to be ashamed of, I willingly undress, I even love this business

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    .. How will you cope if you are left all alone?

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#29

Anna

Our daughter is a student, we can say that there is nothing to do. I run my own small business. I meet at exhibitions, at fitness, and at the pool. nine0005

#30

#31

Weird

can find some hobby, such as Dirty Dancing .. or just want to have sex with a new person, new emotions?

#32

Guest

Better with one husband.

#33

Lisa

Come on. . what have children to do with it.. I know people with 2 children and they manage to do everything very often, much more often than childless people, it has nothing to do with it..

#34

Guest

But I'm afraid to change, a small town, everyone knows each other...

Let's get acquainted), where are you from?)

#36

Guest

Anna

Siberia))

#38

Need help

I agree! I'm not happy myself (((( This needs to be treated

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    #39

    #40

    #41

    Guest

    It means you were married to you. Outputs - give birth to children, two or three. Or divorce your husband. Or - if he is not against your gulls (I personally did not come across this, but according to the stories - there are a lot of them now) - then maybe live like that ... if everything suits him!

    #42

    Guest

    Leave the man alone, let him get a normal woman, the keeper of the hearth, and not sh*****, spreading her legs in the corners. Millions of women suffer from loneliness or from endless male infidelities, and you have a good husband, according to you, but everything is not enough for you. They write correctly, you need a child, otherwise you just rage with fat. Nothing to do with yourself! Or uterine rabies. Although, apparently, your husband doesn’t really love you either, probably he also gasps with someone on the side. So you are worth each other

    #46

    #47

    9000

    666666666666666666 Children will not help here, believe me ..... rather, you will find yourself even more at a dead end.

    #49

    Guest

    I cheated on my husband a couple of times, that is, not constantly, but literally 1-2 times with several partners (six years of marriage). What can I say? I quit, therefore, then, and now I understand that my husband is not worthy of such an attitude. Although outwardly also very attractive (again, thanks to her husband and his money and care as well). You just need to turn on the brain and either get divorced or give birth to a child. Put yourself in his place - would this "oh, I'm bored, honey, sorry" bullshit satisfy you? nine0005

    #50

    I am changing my husband, I feel guilty, but I am still changing

    #1

    #2

    Guest

    I pick my ass with a nail, it hurts, but I pick it.

    #3

    #4

    Guest

    I also change my conscience. I would love to go to my lover, but he doesn’t need me (And I’m in love with him. And from my husband only negative emotions and tears every day. Haven’t you thought about leaving your husband completely?

    #5

    Guest

    I also cheat, but my conscience does not torment me a bit. I would love to go to my lover, but he doesn’t need me (And I’m in love with him. And from my husband only negative emotions and tears every day. Have you thought about leaving your husband completely?

    #6

    Author

    Does the lover have a girlfriend or wife?0005

    #7

    #8

    Guest

    Yes, my wife and a small child. But even at the very beginning of the relationship, he said, don’t count on anything (at that time I didn’t want anything special from him), and a year later I realized that I couldn’t live without him. We are now in our fourth year of relationship.

    #9

    Guest

    I also cheat, but my conscience does not torment me a bit. I would love to go to my lover, but he doesn’t need me (And I’m in love with him. And from my husband only negative emotions and tears every day. Haven’t you thought about leaving your husband completely?

    #10

    Guest

    Yes, the wife and the child are small. But even at the very beginning of the relationship, he said, don’t count on anything (at that time I didn’t want anything special from him), and a year later I realized that I couldn’t live without him. We are now in our fourth year of relationship.

    #11

    Guest

    Author, if I were you, my conscience would not torment me at all! If anything, I don’t cheat on my husband, but the passion on my part has passed ((((but not on his.

    #12

    #13

    But it's all over. The lover has vanished. Have you been dating for a long time? Is there leisure besides sex? June 09, 2017 But it's all over. The lover has vanished. Have you been dating for a long time? Is there leisure besides sex? nine0005

    #15

    Guest

    It's interesting, if not a secret, why did the husband become happier? Is he rejoicing for you or looking forward to the fact that now he can do it for women, with a calm soul? ))

    #16

    Author

    I think he is happier because I stopped him soaring with sex and hugs, which he needs much more than I do. And now he can sit quietly at the computer for several hours and fall asleep without talking to me. (sleep in different beds)

    #17

    Author

    I have been dating one for several years, the second appeared a few months ago. With the second we go out of town, admiring nature. Although I don't know if it's leisure for him. After all, he began to carry me, because it is interesting to me. And then it became clear that this is a great way to get away from prying eyes. But still, there is one circumstance with both of them - we talk a lot. About everyday life and about abstract things. I always compliment them and they compliment me too. We support each other's faith in our own irresistibility)). (of course they don't know each other). nine0005

    #18

    Guest

    It's famously you, in one fell swoop you made as many as three men happy. ))) Although all this is sad, in fact.

    #19

    Author

    It's true that it's sad. I feel like it shouldn't be. But I can't "shackle" myself. If I had children, I would spend energy on them. And so - for the sake of what to keep yourself in a squeeze? It's not even about sex. It is important for me that they treat me like a girl, that they want me, otherwise I fall into a blues. nine0005

    #20

    Guest

    Are they both married? If you don't mind, I'll write my story. It was about the same as yours .. sex was, in principle, once a week, but only on his initiative, when I want to give nothing. And then another profile on sz surfaced .. and at that moment the lover appeared. I felt like a woman, beautiful, desirable, looked after me, cinema cafe. He is single. He hinted at my divorce, there was no direct conversation, but he often said that without a husband it would be easier to meet, and so on for six months it all lasted. I was already ready to divorce, fell in love. Lover began to cool, why - I do not know. After the last meeting, we did not communicate, neither he wrote, nor I)

    #21

    #22

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    #23

    Guest

    Author, if you don't have children, it's better to get a divorce. And start from scratch. Your husband doesn't seem to love you. Maybe there is, somehow it is strange that a young man does not want sex at all. Well, if not, then you have too strong a mismatch in temperaments.

    #24

    Guest

    Author, if you don't have children, it's better to get a divorce. And start from scratch. Your husband doesn't seem to love you. Maybe there is, somehow it is strange that a young man does not want sex at all. Well, if not, then you have too strong a mismatch in temperaments.

    #25

    Author

    Too serious step for me, I'm not ready for it yet. My husband is a dear person, we have been together for so many years. And so you have to be alone - live alone, provide for yourself. He earns about the same as me, but if it works out, it’s already easier financially. Moreover, I live in his apartment, I don’t have my own corner. But in gratitude for this, I still will not record myself as a nun. nine0005

    804 answers

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#28

Guest

Author, do you and your husband have any common goals, interests, plans for the future, or do you just live by inertia?

#29

Author

By inertia, of course. The goal is to repair. Yes, and then we will not proceed to the implementation. In fact, everyone lives on their own wave, everyone has their own affairs. Although there were talks about children. But there was some confusion on both sides. He is afraid that he will have to work too hard to support everyone. I am afraid of poverty and being in a "prison" within four walls. nine0005

#30

#31

9000 #32 9000 9000

6666666666 What a boring aimless life you have. These are lovers from idleness, and even married ones :( How you lowered yourself ... It would be better if you had children, life would sparkle with new colors, a goal would appear ... Although, perhaps after so many lovers you will no longer be able to get pregnant .. . nine0005

#33

Guest

What a boring aimless life you have. These are lovers from idleness, and even married ones :( How you lowered yourself ... It would be better if you had children, life would sparkle with new colors, a goal would appear ... Although, perhaps after so many lovers you will no longer be able to get pregnant ..

Author

This comment is clearly from a woman who is either not popular with men or is indifferent to flirting and sex.0005

#34

Guest

What kind of future do you see yourself? You understand that it is impossible to live forever with a husband and two lovers. Well, send these, get the next one, and then what? And over the years, the "presentation" will pass. And yet, back to the question, what do you want to do with your life if you don’t want to get a divorce?

#36

Ali Baba

Guest
What a boring aimless life you have. These are lovers from idleness, and even married ones :( How you lowered yourself ... It would be better if you had children, life would sparkle with new colors, a goal would appear ... Although, perhaps after so many lovers you will no longer be able to get pregnant .. Author
This comment is clearly from a woman who is either not popular with men, or is indifferent to flirting and sex. I'm sure you have your joys, good luck with them! Yes, no, I'm a man. A monk. I love my wife. I plant because I disdain.0005

#37

Guest

For the fourth year already. There is almost no leisure now. So let's say meetings for sex. And we cross paths at work. We work for the same company, but we rarely see each other at work. And now he has almost no time, his wife left the decree to work, the child is often sick, and he has to sit with him on weekends. But when she was on maternity leave, they even met on weekends. Did you keep in touch with your husband?

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#38

Guest

Ali BabaGuest
What a boring aimless life you have. These are lovers from idleness, and even married ones :( How you lowered yourself ... It would be better if you had children, life would sparkle with new colors, a goal would appear ... Although, perhaps after so many lovers you will no longer be able to get pregnant .. Author
This comment is clearly from a woman who is either not popular with men, or is indifferent to flirting and sex. I'm sure you have your joys, good luck with them! Yes, no, I'm a man. A monk. I love my wife. I plant because I disdain.0945 Man, zhik zhik and not a man. Wretchedness you are flawed and not a man. He sits for days on a woman's site and inserts his five cents in each topic. And it would be fine in the case, so there is no wretched primitive, also flavored with vulgarity.

#39

Author

Yes, both are married. There are not even remote hints about a divorce either from them or from my side. I think that man liked that you were married. Forbidden fruit, as they say, is sweet. And when it became clear that "the prey goes into the hands," he was not interested. Maybe you were too open about your feelings. nine0005

#40

Author

Too serious step for me, I'm not ready for it yet. My husband is a dear person, we have been together for so many years. And so you have to be alone - live alone, provide for yourself. He earns about the same as me, but if it works out, it’s already easier financially. Moreover, I live in his apartment, I don’t have my own corner. But in gratitude for this, I still will not record myself as a nun.

#41

Petechka

What is her future when two *** and the third feed her? If I settled down like that, I wouldn't need any future nacker. A real one would be enough for your mother. June 09, 2017 These are lovers from idleness, and even married ones :( How you lowered yourself ... It would be better if you had children, life would sparkle with new colors, a goal would appear ... Although, perhaps after so many lovers you will no longer be able to get pregnant .. Author
This comment is clearly from a woman who is either not popular with men or is indifferent to flirting and sex. I'm sure you have your joys, good luck with them! No, I'm a man. Monk. I love my wife. I don’t plant dick on a bump, because I’m squeamish.
Man, zhik zhik and not a man. Wretchedness you are flawed and not a man. He sits for days on a woman's site and inserts his five cents in each topic. And it would be fine in the case, so there is no wretched primitive, also flavored with vulgarity.

#43

Guest

Question, what should I do, tell me?

#44

#46

Guest Wretchedness you are flawed and not a man. He sits for days on a woman's site and inserts his five cents in each topic. And it would be fine in the case, so there is no wretched primitive, also flavored with vulgarity. nine0005

#48

Guest

Yes, I did. The husband didn't know anything. Relations have even improved, but in sex I don’t want him anymore. In general, I don’t want sex, some kind of frustration after parting with my lover, there was a wild passion with him, I finished several times, I was excited by the touch. Now time has passed and the lover has cooled down, maybe we don’t communicate, and thoughts about sex with him also don’t cause desire. And you?

#49

Ali Baba

Guest
Man, zhik zhik and not a man. Wretchedness you are flawed and not a man. He sits for days on a woman's site and inserts his five cents in each topic.


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