Husband loving sexless relationship
8 Effects of No-Sex Marriage on Men
What is the sexless marriage effect on the husband? Can a sexless marriage last? Is it healthy to be in a sexless relationship? What causes a sexless marriage? Should a man stay in a sexless marriage? If you have been looking for answers to these questions, your search is finally over.
Hi. My name is Sean Galla. I am a facilitator of support groups and support forums where we talk about issues affecting men, including emotional intimacy, sexless marriages, and relationships, with more than 10 years of experience. Sex plays an important role in any marriage. When one partner loses interest in intimacy, it can cause issues in the relationship. As a man, it is important to learn more about sexless marriages, the causes, and how they affect you.
If you are a man who finds himself in a marriage with no sexual satisfaction, you likely have a lot of questions. Getting expert advice is fantastic for any married man interested in understanding sexual issues in marriage. This article has all the answers you seek, including information about sexless marriage’s effect on men.
Written by
Sean Galla
An experienced facilitator, community builder and Peer Support Specialist, Sean has been running men's groups for 10+ years. Read Sean's Full Author Bio.
What is a Sexless Marriage?A sexless marriage can be defined as a relationship with a lack of intimacy between the couple. Since different couples have different sexual expectations and desires, experts say that any marriage with ten or fewer sexual activity sessions in a year can be quantified as a sexless marriage. However, this is dependent on the couple, as some couples can still enjoy healthy relationship sex once a month or once every few weeks. If your sex life has drastically declined or become nonexistent over the past few months, you can say that you are in a sexless marriage.
According to a study done in 2019, 19% of 659 couples were in what would be termed a sexless marriage.
Most of the couples in this category had only been intimate once or twice in the last year, with some of them saying they had not experienced any form of sexual contact for more than a year.
In comparison, about 35% of the couples had experienced sexual intimacy one to three times per month in their happy marriage, 25% said they had sex weekly, while 21% said they enjoyed sexual intercourse a few times a week, which is healthy sex life.
On the other hand, if you’re looking for a guide on When to Walk Away from a Sexless Marriage, follow mensgroup.com now
Causes of a Sexless MarriageNumerous reasons can cause the frequency of sex to change in a marriage. Most couples struggle with mismatched libidos, which puts a strain on the person with a higher libido since the spouse cannot satisfy or meet their sexual needs.
While mismatched libido is the most common cause of a sexless marriage, many other factors can lead to a lack of sex in marriage.
Some of the most common causes include:
Health issues or a medical conditionYour spouse’s overall physical health or mental health can affect their sex drive and desire for intimacy. Health issues also disrupt normal physiological processes, including arousal for some people. If your spouse has recently gone through a health issue, it may cause a reduced sex drive. Menopause is also a common cause.
If you are looking for tips and guidance on your relationship, read our article Wife Doesn’t Want Sex Anymore.
ChildbirthAccording to ACOG (American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists), there is no definite time for women to be ready for sex after childbirth, even though most health providers give it four to six weeks. Sometimes, it takes longer for a woman’s body to feel right again for intimacy. Also, having a newborn overtakes the need for physical intimacy for most women.
StressExcessive stress affects a person’s physical and psychological health, including their sex drive.
When you are stressed, the brain produces cortisol, the stress hormone, which lowers the libido. Also, stress leaves one feeling tired, tired, anxious, and frazzled, making it even more difficult to desire sex.
If your spouse has some unresolved sexual trauma experiences from her past, they can have lasting implications for your married sex life. Sexual trauma makes the brain associate physical intimacy with fear, manipulation, force, and shame, affecting how the body responds to intimacy.
Failed communicationWhen you have a lot of relationship problems, maintaining a healthy sexual relationship becomes difficult. Some contributing factors to low sexual desire from your partner include infidelity, masturbation addiction, passive-aggressive behavior, unresolved relationship issues, and negative feelings.
There is a lot of misinformation about sex that often leads people to develop unhealthy relationships with the act of a romantic relationship.
For instance, most people believe that sex should be spontaneous, which makes most couples wait until it happens spontaneously, but then it doesn’t happen.
If you are looking for guidance on your relationship, read our article How to Deal with A Sexless Marriage as A Man.
Sexless Marriage Effect On the HusbandSex is one of the things in long-term relationships that foster well-being, continuity, and strengthening of the bond between a husband and wife. When a husband no longer gets sex from their wife, they can experience some side effects.
Low self-esteemWhile most men may not admit this, lack of sex at home affects their self-esteem. They see their wife’s lack of sexual desire as a sign of their lack of physical desire for the man. When a man’s sexual advances are constantly rejected at home, they are bound to start feeling undesirable.
Feeling of shameMen often feel ashamed when sex is no longer served in their homes.
This is especially common if the lack of sex is because of the man’s inability to rise to the occasion. The man will avoid any conversation about sex since they feel shame.
A common sexless marriage effect on the husband is the feeling of failure. As it is often said, men are physical beings, and sexual interest is an important aspect of their sexuality. When a man is having regular sex, they develop a sense of fulfillment and see themselves as complete men. On the other hand, if a man cannot get their spouse interested in sex as often as they want, they eventually start feeling like they are not good enough.
DisconnectionAny couple in a sexless marriage will tell you that they feel disconnected from one another. For men, not having sex with their wives over a prolonged time will change their feelings and possibly develop these feelings for another woman willing to meet their sexual needs. This emotional disconnection is often a leading cause of infidelity in marriages.
If you’re looking for tips on How to Get Your Wife to Have More Sex, follow mensgroup.com.
Poor mental healthAnxiety, stress, and depression are also common sexless marriage effects on the husband. When a husband is denied sex at home for a long time, his mental health is likely to deteriorate from stress, overthinking, and inability to release the feel-good hormone from sex. Poor mental health can also stem from the man’s obsession with his inability to meet his spouse’s sexual needs.
Start to see the wife as just a roommateOnce sex stops being part of a marriage, how the man perceives and treats the wife also changes. With time, the two start coexisting like roommates and not a married couple since sexual intimacy is no longer present in the marriage. Without a sexual connection, it is difficult for a man to treat his wife with the same love, consideration, and care as he did before.
Feelings of lonelinessWhen a husband does not get his sexual needs met, he may feel lonely.
This is often caused by the feeling of isolation stemming from the contract rejection. This is why many married men are lonely.
When there is no sex between men and women in a marriage, a man will feel unworthy, lonely, stressed, and frustrated, making him want to self-isolate. This makes the issues worse since the man cannot express his emotions and feelings for fear of being misunderstood and neglected. They see it of no use to keep sharing since sexual intimacy is not there.
If you have been in a sexless marriage for a while and feeling a few or all these issues, it is safe to say that you are going through the effects of a sexless marriage.
Can a Marriage Survive Without Sexual Intimacy?Yes, a marriage can survive with sexual intimacy. However, this is only possible if both parties are no longer interested in sex. If a couple is not having sex because of a low sex drive on one partner, or one partner is asexual, there is a chance the marriage may not survive unless they seek help from a sex therapist or counselor.
This is especially if the union was founded on shared sexual experiences and not an emotional connection or friendship with one another.
The decision to not walk away and instead stay and make the love life work despite the sexual dysfunction lies solely on the two people in the relationship. If you want your marriage to thrive even in the wake of failed intimacy, you can consider joining a support forum for men in sexless marriages.
MensGroup Sexless Marriage ForumWhile working on your low sex drive issues privately may be a good idea, sometimes talking to a third party that understands can make the difference in your relationship and help you find long-term solutions. Apart from seeing a marriage counselor or going for marriage counseling, support groups are also important.
You get to meet with people who have been in similar situations and can thus offer guidance and advice from their personal experiences. While talking about your marital sexual frustrations can be humiliating, a support group made up of people who have been in your shoes makes it easier for you to get the help you need.
Being part of a support group will give you the mental clarity you need to make the right decision for your marriage and enjoy your sex life again.
If you are stuck in a sexless marriage, the best thing you can do as a man is to join a support group like Men’s Group.
Men’s Group is an online-based support group that ensures you can get help and learn more about sexless marriage effect on the husband. On this men-only site, you will meet other men who have been in sexless marriages and managed to overcome the challenge. You will get helpful sexless marriage advice for men, including how you can enjoy sex again and get your wife sexually interested in you again.
*Sources: 1. Ask Amy: Sexless Marriage Has Husband Looking Elsewhere 2. Husband must pay up for sexless marriage. Is that a win? 3. Effects Of Lack Of Sex In Marriage 4. Ways a sexless marriage affects a man 5. Are You Spouses or Just Roommates?
5 strategies on how to fix a sexless marriage
Home » Saving a sexless marriage
“Relationships don’t die because of a lack of love, they die because of a lack of passion.
” – Tony Robbins
When you met your partner, you felt a tremendous sense of passion toward them. This manifested on both an emotional and physical level. The two of you were inseparable, and you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. You got married and felt like you were on top of the world. You couldn’t imagine you’d ever be in a sexless marriage.
But things have changed.
Over time, you’ve found yourself coping with a no-sex marriage. Things have sputtered out. The relationship is still intact, but you’ve lost that necessary intimacy you need to keep your love alive. Don’t sit back and accept a sexless relationship as normal. You can not only learn how to survive a sexless marriage without cheating – you can learn to reconnect with your partner and bring back the passion.
Discover and embrace your core energy to reignite the passion
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What causes a sexless relationship?
Most couples don’t choose to be in a sexless relationship.
It’s often something that happens gradually – the newness of the relationship wears off and the passion goes with it. New relationship stressors appear, like long work hours, financial stress or a new baby, and you never seem to recover. Weeks turn into months with no intimacy, and you find yourself in a no-sex marriage.
A sexless marriage can also be caused by both emotional and physical health issues. Depression or stress, as well as many medications, can decrease libido. You may also find your libidos were mismatched to begin with, or that you’re never “in the mood” at the same time. And if you’re constantly in conflict, you may rarely feel in the mood.
But what’s wrong with this description of a sexless marriage? You’re not taking responsibility for your life. You’re not addressing the root problem and asking yourself what you could be doing to fix it. Even health issues can be overcome with the right strategy to create intimacy in new ways. You’re wondering how to survive a sexless marriage without cheating when the real question is, how can my marriage thrive again?
Can a sexless marriage survive?
The short answer is that yes, a sexless marriage can survive – but it can come at a cost.
If one partner desires sex but the other is uninterested, lack of sex can lead to decreased intimacy and connection, feelings of resentment and even infidelity. Even in situations where both partners are on the same page – both have low sex drives, there is a physical distance like military deployment or a disability or medical condition causing the sexless marriage – the couple must be vigilant about creating intimacy in other ways.
If you’re in the first type of sexless marriage – one where uneven sex drives or other relationship problems are making you feel disconnected and unloved – it’s essential that you work on restoring passion and intimacy. Often, a sexless marriage can survive only because the partners convince themselves it’s normal, and they must keep a brave face. Don’t fall into this trap. While everyone responds to losing the physical aspect of their marriage in a different way, do not let it become the new normal.
How to fix a sexless marriage
First, change your mindset.
Instead of agonizing over how to survive a sexless marriage without cheating, commit to reigniting that lost sense of passion. Learn what you can do in a sexless marriage that will allow you to regain that physical intimacy and connection.
1. Realign your polarity
In order to thrive, a relationship needs masculine and feminine energies. These contrasting energies are similar to the negative and positive charges on a magnet – when together, this creates polarity in a relationship. Feminine energy focuses more on emotion and connection, while the driving force behind masculine energy is working toward an end goal. Regardless of gender, there must be masculine energy in one partner and feminine energy in the other for a relationship to succeed.
Examine the roles you and your partner have taken on in your marriage. Have they changed over time? Did the partner with feminine energy take on a new role that requires more results-driven traits? Has the masculine energy source had to step down from being the provider?
If you’ve begun asking whether your sexless marriage can survive, you and your partner may have already been embodying energies that don’t suit you for a long time.
Perhaps the masculine partner needs to feel that they are providing for your family more, or the feminine partner wants to feel able to care for the masculine partner. Returning these energies to where they belong – again, regardless of your physical genders – will help push the emotional dial of your relationship back toward passion.
2. Date each other
A sexless marriage is often a comfortable marriage. When you settle down together and move past the phase where every day is full of excitement, you get lazy. The passion fades.
Think of all the little things you used to do for your partner before you were married. You probably brought them little gifts and told them how much they meant to you. You planned date nights and excursions. Now you can hardly remember the last time you planned a special date night for your partner.
Why did you stop? Because you got comfortable. You stopped treating each other like you were special. You stopped dating each other.
Prove to your partner that you’re their biggest fan who would do anything for them. Surprise them when they least expect it – it can even be with something like their favorite latte during lunch hour or picking up dinner on your way home. Mind-blowing, passionate relationships take work, and you must be willing to put in the time and commitment it takes to not only survive a sexless marriage but see it thrive.
3. Communicate with each other
Can a sexless marriage survive? Yes, but only if you communicate with the one person who can truly help you turn it around: your partner. Have you brought this issue up with them? Are they also unhappy with how infrequently you’re being intimate? Or have you been simmering in silence, letting your resentment build and further relinquishing any hope you have of rekindling your passion?
Chances are, your verbal and emotional communication is lacking, which has led to your sexless marriage. Did something occur that eroded your ability to speak freely with each other like you used to? Is it something serious like infidelity, or are you both coping with new stresses at work or at home?
Commit to speaking up and asking them how they think and feel about the situation.
Wading into this territory with them is frightening but necessary. When you’re able to communicate on a mental and emotional level with your spouse, you’ll create a deeper physical connection, too, so find a way to positively address the issue and create a plan to move forward together.
4. Let yourself be vulnerable
Communication will only improve your connection if you’re willing to be completely open and honest. Absolute courage and vulnerability is one of the Five Disciplines of Love, and it’s one of the most difficult for many people to embrace. Yet being willing to be vulnerable is the only way to create true intimacy in a relationship – and a sexless relationship is about intimacy more than it is about sex.
Sex and intimacy aren’t the same thing – but they are inextricably linked. Sex is tied to intimacy, which is tied to how much you’re willing to give of yourself. If you’re not willing to share your truth and be empathetic to your partner’s truth, you’ll never be able to fix your sexless marriage.
Working together to go from learning how to survive a sexless marriage without cheating to learning how to fix it is an important step, but your work isn’t over yet. It is vital to remember that your relationship changes over time. Depending on the situations and stressors in your life, you will have days when you’re physically closer with your partner and days when you need space. The secret is to continue reassessing your physical and emotional needs together, as a loving unit, and making adjustments as necessary.
It’s important to stop living out old stories – let go of past mistakes! Don’t keep punishing your partner for something they said and did that you’ve already discussed, and don’t hold on to limiting beliefs about yourself, either.
You aren’t the same people you were when you met, because you’ve both grown and changed. This isn’t a bad thing. A sexless marriage can survive, but a healthy, successful marriage embraces changes and continues innovating in the relationship.
The things your love life needed in the beginning aren’t the same as what it needs now. As long as you’re willing to communicate openly and honestly with your partner, you will be able to revive and sustain the sexual intimacy in your marriage.
Saving a sexless marriage: Common questions
Is sex once a month considered a sexless marriage?
Most professionals agree that a sexless marriage is one in which sex occurs less than once a month or less than ten times per year. While once a month would not technically be considered a sexless marriage by this measurement, a more important barometer is whether or not the lack of sex bothers you.
How long do sexless marriages last?
A sexless marriage can last a lifetime – if you let it. And many likely do last a lifetime, because couples fall into the trap of thinking that sexless marriages are “normal.” While they are common – estimates for the number of sexless marriages range from 10 to 20 percent of all marriages – if one or both partners are unhappy, that is never normal.
Rather than asking whether a sexless marriage can survive, ask yourself: Do you want it to?
Do you stay faithful in a sexless marriage?
Yes – staying faithful is essential to any marriage. Sexless marriages certainly do not justify infidelity. The temptation not to stay faithful is a symptom of a larger problem – a problem that can be fixed, if you’re willing to do the work. Work on learning what to do in a sexless marriage to improve your connection and rekindle the passion. Then, you won’t be tempted to look elsewhere.
What percentage of sexless marriages end in divorce?
It’s not known what percentage of sexless marriages end in divorce, but if the rate is in keeping with the overall divorce rate in America, it would be about 50 percent. Chances are that the percentage of sexless marriages ending in divorce is even higher. However, some couples manage to convince themselves that a sexless marriage is nothing to worry about, and those marriages can last a lifetime.
Is a sexless marriage grounds for divorce?
Sexless marriage can be grounds for an at-fault divorce, especially if one partner is purposely withholding sex as a punishment or if one partner wants to work on the issue and the other refuses to seek help. But a sexless marriage can also be the catalyst a couple needs to overcome deep relationship issues and reconnect with one another. Wouldn’t you rather be the second type of couple?
Ready to fix your sexless relationship?
Download the 9 Keys to Passion & Intimacy and start meeting your partner’s needs – and igniting desire.
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It takes a long time to fly from Amsterdam to Los Angeles.
Here you have time to work, watch a movie, and even look into the airline's magazine. Leafing through it, I suddenly came across a sidebar with old photographs of married couples. Black and white photographs often convey much more than color photographs. Then every photo was an event. They were preparing for it. In order to see the result, I had to wait more than one day. If it worked out, then here it is, a “piece of life” for a long time. For posterity, one might say.
I looked at them for a long time in the twilight of the cabin, and the detail that united all these pictures caught my eye. The people on them are... sexless. After several years of marriage, they became friends, partners. Almost brothers and sisters. And between relatives, as you know, there can be no intimate ties. This is against human nature, and there are very good reasons for that. One should not think that relations develop differently these days. Divorce statistics say otherwise. Very often, spouses face the problem of "loss of sex".
A man and a woman, barely getting close, quickly begin to lose each other.
Think back to the first months of your relationship. How often did you have sex? Most likely almost every day. Moreover, this event really gave energy and charged with the desire to live. Now let's rewind the tape two years ahead. Hmm... something strange happened. Already like so often and do not want to. The routine crept in imperceptibly. “Of course,” you say to yourself, “life takes its toll. There are objective reasons for this. Yes, there are other priorities. Children, kindergarten, school. What's with the sex?" Let's fast forward two more years. Now not at all. Dead end. "Gasoline is out." According to statistics, sexual intercourse of couples who have been together for more than five years lasts seven minutes. Seven. Including prelude. And this "holiday" takes place on average once every 10 days. What to do?
Firstly, it should be understood that people lose each other in an intimate way, not suddenly, not suddenly, but a little bit every day.
For a couple of years, the spouse carries many kilometers away from you. And only impassive counters of porn sites know the truth about your relationship. In the marriage contract, if one were drawn up, there would certainly not be a clause "The gradual and obligatory transformation of the parties into two sexless gray mice." Secondly, remembering the above, stop relying on fate and the thought that "if it's really mine, then it won't go anywhere." Take control of everything. The salvation of the drowning, as you know, is the work of the drowning themselves. Take care of your loved one. Create a personal space. Spend time apart from your partner. Give him a chance to be bored. Thirdly, now I will say one very seditious thing. If the apartment allows, periodically sleep in different beds. Read the classics: the powerful of this world of any rank have always had separate bedrooms in their houses. Do not overfeed your spouse with pheromones. And finally, the fourth tip: start paying attention and time to quality sex.
And this is not at all about mastering the Kama Sutra.
If parents or a nanny with children are behind the wall and you can’t make noise, agree on a certain day and rent an apartment for a few hours. Give yourself and your partner the opportunity to make a lot of noise there, without fear that someone will look askance at you later. This will be your personal time for adventure, both of you will be in anticipation for a whole week. And don't say that you don't have the funds for such a "luxury". Such things are not a whim and not someone's whim. They are the key to your sustainable future. Save money on a new bag, shoes (I know I'm saying terrible things right now), or a cell phone, but don't skimp on the relationship. You are investing in the future. This investment will pay you back a thousandfold. So - hold on.
4 reasons why men run away from women
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Relationship crisis Man and woman
Men usually know what they like and what they don't.
The first thing they notice about a woman is her appearance. If you showed yourself to a man, he will invite you on a date. And for some time, external attractiveness will suffice. But since a man knows exactly what he does not like, he will quickly begin to pay attention to your inner content. Soul, character, habits - all this is of decisive importance. And that's more important than looks.
Coach Lucas McChord has many girlfriends who share dating and relationship stories. The article is not intended to justify men who disappear without explanation, it is intended to explain why they do so.
At the very beginning of a relationship, or even on the first date, there are several important nuances that a woman should pay attention to. Because some of them men read as a warning: "Run away from her, and quickly." This will not change if he gets to know you better, if he catches such “signals”, he will not want to know anything.
1. You are desperate for love and relationships
Men don't like to take emotional responsibility until they have an attachment.
If he feels that you need him, and not just "want", an alarm goes off in his head. An emotionally healthy man will not want to serve as a filler for your emptiness in your soul or in life.
You may have heard otherwise many times, but they do not dream of saving women from a miserable life. They want to be with a woman who can lead a happy and fulfilling life without them. This is not infantilism and immaturity. It's one thing to volunteer to help someone you're already in a relationship with, someone you're attached to, someone you love. And another thing is when this is expected of you or even required from the very beginning. It's intimidating.
2. You want to forget your ex
No man wants to be a substitute for another. If you're divorced or ending a long-term relationship, don't expect some poor guy to take on the role of comforter. Men are attracted to those who have complete order in their lives. And if not complete, they bring this semi-order on their own with joy and enthusiasm.
Women who are interesting to them know what they want from life, are confident in themselves and are not afraid to be alone. If you are looking for a man because loneliness scares you, potential suitors will disappear from your life as soon as they appear on the horizon.
3. You are a drama queen
Men are less able to handle feelings. A study by psychology professor Ann Kring found that women express emotions much more strongly. Men hate complicated displays of affection because they don't know what to do with it. When a woman asks: “Well, where are our relationships heading?”, A man takes possession of several negative emotions at the same time, which he cannot cope with. When she makes a jealous scene or says something like, "I think I like you more than you like me," he doesn't know how to react. And it's easier for him to run away than to deal with the drama.
The beginning of a relationship involves getting to know each other, having fun, creating an emotional connection and intimacy.
But if you start weighing his contribution to the relationship from the very first days (weeks, months), expecting more than he has to offer, most likely he will not stay around to find out if you are worth it and leave.
4. You are not confident in yourself
A teacher once said, “If you don't believe in yourself, why would anyone else believe in you?” If you are not confident in yourself and your actions, a man will not make up for this lack. If you need constant confirmation that you look great, work great, raise kids progressively, and cook divinely, he will get tired of having to cheer you up every day.
Nothing is more attractive than self-confidence and self-esteem. We cannot offer anything to a potential partner if we do not believe in ourselves and do not respect ourselves as a person.
Women are beautiful, and without them we would simply be lost. It is important for women to understand that they do not need men. They can do just fine without us.
