Lack of respect quotes

The 50 [BEST] Quotes on Respect (in 2023)

Respecting one another is very important. Being rude is a trait of inconsiderate and selfish people who treat others like they are worthless. Avoid these type of toxic people as much as possible, and you will see how your life improves.

May these quotes encourage you to respect yourself and other people to a higher standard:

1. Self-respect is the cornerstone of all virtue. – John Herschell

Among other things, respecting yourself is a sign of self-love and acceptance. If you feel you need an incentive to allow yourself to appreciate who you are, as you are, remind yourself that you teach others how to treat you.

Respecting others starts with respecting yourself. Check out the following example of how self-respect is determining how much one respects others. A daughter (of a loving and caring mother) gets involved with a guy that’s mistreating her. Pretty soon, the daughter starts calling herself nasty names, thinking she’s worthless… her mother’s love and care become a distant past, it feels like never happened.

The daughter, by not respecting herself, disrespects all the things her mother did or wants to do for her, shattering the fantastic relationship, mother – daughter, they used to share.

2. Respect is earned. Honesty is appreciated. Trust is gained. Loyalty is returned.

3. You can’t force someone to respect you, but you can refuse to be disrespected.

4. As we grow as unique persons, we learn to respect the uniqueness of others. – Robert Schuller

5. Respecting others’ opinions doesn’t mean being untrue to our own. – P. M. Forni

One of the most important rules of influencing others, tolerance, and compassion, it’s respecting others opinion. Out of vanity, we forget this rule way too often.

Respecting someone’s opinion doesn’t automatically imply you agree with them. Sometimes, it means you agree to disagree; other times, it means you are wise enough to understand that any coin has two sides and you can’t see them both at the same time.

Many great relationships fall apart because people refuse to validate each other’s opinions and feelings.

6. Life is short, and we should respect every moment of it. – Orhan Pamuk

7. Ironically people tend to change their attitude towards you when you begin treating them the way they treat you.

8. When we show our respect for other living things, they respond with respect for us. – Arapaho proverb

9. Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you or makes you happy.

10. A human being is not to be handled as a tool but is to be respected and revered. – Felix Adler

11. When you practice gratefulness, there is a sense of respect toward others. – Dalai Lama

12. How people treat other people is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves.

13. The right to be respected is won by respecting others. – Vasyl Sukhomlynsky

14. There is no respect for others without humility in one’s self. – Henri Frederic Amiel

15. We must express ourselves in ways that demonstrate our respect for others. – Stephen Carter

16. Don’t lower your standards for anyone or anything. Self-respect is everything.

17. Never judge someone by the way he looks or a book by the way it’s covered; for inside those tattered pages, there’s a lot to be discovered. – Stephen Cosgrove

18. Treat others with respect and others will respect you. – Anthony Douglas Williams

19. Always respect another’s opinion and another’s point of view. – Sri Sathya Sai Baba

20. The only true disability is the inability to accept and respect differences.

21. The art of conversation is the art of hearing as well as of being heard. – William Hazlitt

22. Truly powerful women don’t explain why they want respect. They simply don’t engage those who don’t give it to them.

23. Tolerance implies a respect for another person, not because he is wrong or even because he is right, but because he is human. – John Cogley

24. The key is to learn to respect and honor the complications of other people’s lives. – Goldie Hawn

An encouraging word can do more than almost anything else to influence a person to change their behavior towards you. Yes, it happens to dislike some people when you meet them. However, hadn’t happened to you to change your mind when you learned their story?

When you get angry (or the opposite, too excited) about someone, remind yourself that behind everyone and everything there is a story; everything and everyone has a history. People’s history determined their behavior; their story determines yours towards them.

Aren’t you annoyed when a child makes a lot of noise in a restaurant? But how annoyed are you after finding out that the child lost his mother a week ago?

Life is complicated; life builts up our story and history. Respecting others, sometimes means silencing your judgemental thoughts (we all have them), and listening.

25. Respect yourself above all. – Pythagoras

26. A person’s a person, no matter how small. – Dr. Seuss

27. I respect the man who knows distinctly what he wishes. – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

28. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. – Eleanor Roosevelt

29. Knowledge will give you power, but character respect. – Bruce Lee

30. Without feelings of respect, what is there to distinguish men from beasts? – Confucius

31. Make improvements, not excuses. Seek respect, not attention. – Roy T. Bennett

32. Deeply respecting yourself is the first step toward having a deep respect for others. – Amy Leigh Mercree

33. Self-respect is a question of recognizing that anything worth having has a price. – Joan Didion

34. Only those who respect the personality of others can be of real use to them. – Albert Schweitzer

35. Respect means you care enough to think about others’ feelings before you act.

36. Self-respect knows no considerations. – Mahatma Gandhi

37. Only a true man can earn the love and respect of a strong and independent woman.

How do you feel when you hear “don’t cry like a little girl”? Because (you see?) little boys cry too… as they should!

“Don’t cry like a little girl” is shaping boys to become unhappy men.

To earn the love and respect of a strong woman, a man must learn how to manage and deal with his emotions. Sadly, many men avoid showing any kind of emotion, unaware of the fact that, by doing so, display only negative emotions.

Abstaining from crying when you should, makes you seem insensitive; yelling at the children, makes you seem unable to keep your cool; telling to a woman “I think you’re hormonal, that’s why you’re sad”, makes you seem unable to offer support and understanding.

[Allow me a little digression for all the men saying that to their lovely women – men have hormones too. The only difference is that women are aware of not always displaying the best self, and the man (saying that) are displaying being hormonal by shouting, getting angry, complaining, and moaning. ]

For all of us, self-respect means (among other things) learning how to deal with our emotions so that we can attract in our lives positive and loving people.

38. If we lose love and self-respect for each other, this is how we finally die. – Maya Angelou

39. Respect is a two-way street, if you want to get it, you’ve got to give it. – R.G. Risch

40. A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.

41. Treat people the way you want to be treated. Talk to people the way you want to be talked to. Respect is earned, not given. – Hussein Nishah

42. If people respect you respect them back; if they disrespect you respect them back. They represent their ideology you represent yours.

43. Don’t let someone get comfortable with disrespecting you.

44. Acting with speed will garner you respect, awe, and irresistible momentum. – Robert Greene

Related: Best Robert Greene Books 

45. I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbage man or the president of the university. – Albert Einstein

46. Respect for ourselves guides our morals, respect for others guides our manners. -Laurence Sterne

47. Respect depicts acceptance while disrespect is rejection. – Fawad Afzal Khan

48. If you don’t feel respected, you won’t be engaged in your work. – Linda Hill

49. A child who is allowed to be disrespectful to his parents will not have true respect for anyone. – Billy Graham

50. One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say. – Bryant H. McGill

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Respect Quotes On Life, Love and Relationships

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Our latest collection of respect quotes and sayings will inspire you to respect yourself and others.

Respect is something that is often earned and not simply given.

Share your favorite respect quote with us in the comment section below.

You may also enjoy our article on:

  • Self respect quotes
  • Disrespect quotes
  • Gentleman quotes

What are the benefits of reading respect quotes?

When you earn a person’s respect, you are held in higher regard for your efforts which have proven you worthy of it.

Respect is at the core of every human interaction.

Regardless of how old you are or what social status you hold, we all need to feel respected and valued.

When we treat others with respect, it shows that we recognize their value and worth.

Respect is important in any relationship.

These quotes will help you:

  • determine what respectful behavior looks like
  • set boundaries and help you get the respect you deserve
  • remember that differences make us unique and special

For a relationship to be successful, there has to be great respect for one another, even when disagreements arise.

Although respect seems to be declining in today’s world, we must be sympathetic to those around us and regard their rights and feelings.

In that regard, here are some inspirational, wise, and powerful respect quotes, respect sayings, and respect proverbs collected from a variety of sources over the years.

If you like this article, we suggest you explore our most popular quotes article, a list of short inspirational quotes for daily encouragement. 

Read more related content on our inspirational quotes category page.

Respect quotes and sayings about life, love, and relationships

1. “I must respect the opinions of others even if I disagree with them.” – Herbert H. Lehman

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2. “Knowledge will give you power, but character respect.” – Bruce Lee

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3. “Men are respectable only as they respect. ” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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4. “Most good relationships are built on mutual trust and respect.” – Mona Sutphen

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5. “We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

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6. “Never judge someone by the way he looks or a book by the way it’s covered; for inside those tattered pages, there’s a lot to be discovered.” – Stephen Cosgrove

If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of relationship quotes celebrating real love.

7. “I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbage man or the president of the university.” – Albert Einstein

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8. “To be one, to be united is a great thing. But to respect the right to be different is maybe even greater.” – Bono

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9. “When we treat people merely as they are, they will remain as they are. When we treat them as if they were what they should be, they will become what they should be.” – Thomas S. Monson

You will also enjoy our article on self love quotes.

10. “One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.” – Bryant H. McGill

If you’re enjoying these quotes, you’ll love our collection of listening quotes that express the importance of listening.

Respect quotes and sayings to make your life better

11. “Respect commands itself and it can neither be given nor withheld when it is due.” – Eldridge Cleaver

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12. “You can demand courtesy but you have to earn respect. ” – Lawrence Goldstone

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13. “If we can respect the divine within us, if we can treat it with dignity, then we can respect others around us.” –Vishwas Chavan

You will also enjoy our article on loyalty quotes.

14. “Respect is an invention of people who want to cover up the empty place where love should be.” – Leo Tolstoy

You will also enjoy our article on honesty quotes.

15. “Life is short, and we should respect every moment of it.” – Orhan Pamuk

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16. “Respect for ourselves guides our morals; respect for others guides our manners” ― Laurence Sterne

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17. “Respecting someone indicate the quality of your personality.” – Mohammad Rishad Sakhi

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18. “Every human being, of whatever origin, of whatever station, deserves respect. We must each respect others even as we respect ourselves.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

19. “I cannot conceive of a greater loss than the loss of one’s self-respect.” – Mahatma Gandhi

20. “Respect is what we owe; love, what we give.” – Philip James Bailey

Also check out these wise Native American quotes and proverbs on community, respect, and more.

Respect quotes and sayings about honoring others

21. “I will not try to convince you to love me, to respect me, to commit to me. I deserve better than that; I AM BETTER THAN THAT…Goodbye.” ― Steve Maraboli

22. “We cannot expect people to have respect for law and order until we teach respect to those we have entrusted to enforce those laws.” ― Hunter S. Thompson

If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to check out our collection of Hunter S. Thompson quotes from journalist and author.

23. “If you want to be respected by others, the great thing is to respect yourself. Only by that, only by self-respect will you compel others to respect you.” ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky

24. “If we lose love and self-respect for each other, this is how we finally die.” – Maya Angelou

25. “Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth.” – Albert Einstein

26. “Being brilliant is no great feat if you respect nothing.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

27. “Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear.” – Albert Camus

28. “If you have some respect for people as they are, you can be more effective in helping them to become better than they are.” – John W. Gardner

29. “Treat people the way you want to be treated. Talk to people the way you want to be talked to. Respect is earned, not given.” – Hussein Nishah

30. “Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law, respect everyone; but if someone puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery.” – Malcolm X

Powerful respect quotes and sayings about being nice to everyone

31. “I don’t care if you’re black, white, straight, bisexual, gay, lesbian, short, tall, fat, skinny, rich or poor. If you’re nice to me, I’ll be nice to you. Simple as that.” ― Robert Michaels

32. “I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.” ― Winston S. Churchill

33. “Respect should be the first thing you give.” – Anonymous

33. “When you practice gratefulness, there is a sense of respect toward others.” – Dalai Lama

34. “Self-respect is the cornerstone of all virtue.” – John Herschell

35. “Take very little notice of those people who choose to treat you poorly. It is how they are defining their story, not yours. ” – Lei Wah

36. “There are lots of people I admire and respect, but I don’t necessarily want to be like them. I’m too happy being myself.” – James D’arcy

37. “Be kind, don’t judge, and have respect for others. If we can all do this, the world would be a better place. The point is to teach this to the next generation.” – Jasmine Guinness

38. “A child who is allowed to be disrespectful to his parents will not have true respect for anyone.” – Billy Graham

39. “Be loyal to those who are loyal to you. And respect everyone, even your enemies, and competition.” – John Cena

40. “I’m not concerned with your liking or disliking me. All I ask is that you respect me as a human being.” – Jackie Robinson

For additional reading, be sure to also check out these good man quotes that will inspire you to do your best.

Respect quotes to elevate your mind

41. “A person’s a person, no matter how small.” – Dr. Seuss

42. “Be more humble than a blade of grass, more tolerant than a tree, always offering respect onto others and never expecting any in return.” – Chaitanya Mahaprabhu

43. “Honest communication is built on truth and integrity and upon respect of the one for the other.” – Benjamin E. Mays

44. “If we are not free, no one will respect us.” – A. P. J. Abdul Kalam

45. “Treat everyone with respect and kindness. Period. No exceptions.” – Kiana Tom

46. “Once you figure out what respect tastes like, it tastes better than attention. But you have to get there.” – Pink

47. “I love making new friends and I respect people for a lot of different reasons.” – Taylor Swift

48. “I have more respect for a man who lets me know where he stands, even if he’s wrong, than the one who comes up like an angel and is nothing but a devil. ” – Malcolm X
If you’re enjoying these quotes, you’ll love our collection of devil quotes that will help you triumph against evil.

49. “Set the standard! Stop expecting others to show you love, acceptance, commitment, & respect when you don’t even show that to yourself.” – Steve Maraboli

50. “Probably no greater honor can come to any man than the respect of his colleagues.” – Cary Grant

Respect quotes for Students

51. “The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.” – Richard Bach

52. “This is how you start to get respect, by offering something that you have.” – Mitch Albom

53. “Respect your efforts, respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline. When you have both firmly under your belt, that’s real power.” –
Clint Eastwood

54. “Respect is for those who deserve not for those who demand it. ” – Paulo Coelho

55. “Respect was invented to cover the empty place where love should be.” –
Leo Tolstoy

56. “Respect for the truth comes close to being the basis for all morality.” – Frank Herbert

57. “Respect is one of life’s greatest treasures. I mean, what does it all add up to if you don’t have that?” – Marilyn Monroe

58. “Respect for the fragility and importance of an individual life is still the mark of an educated man.” – Norman Cousins

59. “We don’t need to share the same opinions as others, but we need to be respectful.” – Taylor Swift

60. “If you treat people right they will treat you right… ninety percent of the time.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt

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Truth and respect Quotes

61. “The truest form of love is how you behave toward someone, not how you feel about them. ” – Steve Hall

62. “Love is honesty. Love is a mutual respect for one another.” – Simone Elkeles

63. “I cannot compromise my respect for your love. You can keep your love, I will keep my respect.” – Amit Kalantri

64. “You demand respect and you’ll get it. First of all, you give respect.” – Mary J. Blige

65. “The secret of a happy life is respect. Respect for yourself and respect for others.” – Ayad Akhtar

66. “Respect toward others can’t be imposed. It’s a blessing or learning the hard way.” – Toba Beta

67. “If she does not respect you, she will replace you.” – Habeeb Akande

68. “When we love and respect people, revealing to them their value, they can begin to come out from behind the walls that protect them.” – Jean Vanier

69. “Never pay attention to someone who has not earned your respect.” – Habeeb Akande

70. “If you can’t Respect her, you don’t Deserve Her!” – Udayveer Singh

More respect quotes and sayings

71. “Respect depends on reciprocity.” – Nyang Proverb

72. “I firmly believe that respect is a lot more important, and a lot greater, than popularity.” – Julius Erving

73. “If you are not being treated with respect, don’t be a doormat.” – Robert Rain

74. “Everyone should be respected as an individual, but no one idolized.” – Albert Einstein

75. “Respect out of fear is no respect.” – M. K. Soni

76. “Respect is a two-way street, if you want to get it, you’ve got to give it.” – R.G. Risch

77. “You will gain more respect and esteem through listening rather than through talking.” – Clive Harman

78. “To get down to the quick of it, respect motivates me – not success.” – Hugh Jackman

79. “Humility and respect tell much more about your background than your personality.” – Kate Iroegbu

80. “Responsibility and respect of others and their religious beliefs are also part of freedom.” –Horst Koehler

Respect quotes and sayings to extend to all people

81. “Gratitude is the most exquisite form of courtesy.”-Jacques Maritain

82. “Show respect to all people, but grovel to none.” -Tecumseh

83. “If once you forfeit the confidence of your fellow-citizens, you can never regain their respect and esteem.” -Abraham Lincoln

84. “Be modest, be respectful of others, try to understand.” -Lakhdar Brahimi

85. “As all human beings are, in my view, creatures of God’s design, we must respect all other human beings. That does not mean I have to agree with their choices or agree with their opinions, but indeed I respect them as human beings.” -Stockwell Day 

86. “Assuredly, Loving Souls, you should go to God with all humility and respect, humbling yourselves in His presence, especially when you remember your past ingratitude and sins.” -Alphonsus Liguori

87. “I have great respect for the past. If you don’t know where you’ve come from, you don’t know where you’re going.” -Maya Angelou

88. “Without feelings of respect, what is there to distinguish men from beasts?” -Confucius

89. “We all require and want respect, man or woman, black or white.” -Aretha Franklin

90. “We will not agree on every issue. But let us respect those differences and respect one another.” -John Lynch

Respect Quotes and Sayings To Maintain Dignity

91. “It’s not about winning or losing, but love and respect.” — Max Lucado

92.  “Surround yourself with people who respect and treat you well.” — Claudia Black

93. “It is not sufficient to be worthy of respect in order to be respected. ” — Alfred Nobel

94. “But really, we also need to learn how to love one another as women. How to appreciate and respect each other.” — Chaka Khan

95. “Never esteem anything as of advantage to you that will make you break your word or lose your self-respect.” — Marcus Aurelius

96. “Respect children because they’re human beings and they deserve respect, and they’ll grow up to be better people.” — Benjamin Spock

97. “I always respect a woman.” — Enrique Iglesias

98. “My respect for human beings is based not on the colour of a man’s skin nor authority he may wield, but purely on merit.” — Nelson Mandela

99. “Let us develop respect for all living things. Let us try to replace violence and intolerance with understanding and compassion. And love.” — Jane Goodall

100. “Only those who respect the personality of others can be of real use to them. ” — Albert Schweitzer

Which respect quotes and sayings were your favorites?

Although respect seems to be rapidly declining nowadays, we must remember to always act with politeness, thoughtfulness and civility towards others.

Hopefully, these respect quotes have reminded you of the importance to treat others with kindness and respect.

Did you enjoy these respect quotes and sayings?

Which of the quotes was your favorite?

Tell us in the comment section below.

We would love to hear all about it.

November 30, 2022 6:00 AM EST

Related Topics:Quotes

How to love yourself: 13 tips from psychologists

. Recommendations of psychologists and interesting facts

Updated October 25, 2022, 18:02


What is self-love and how does it differ from selfishness? Why is it important to learn to love yourself and what to do if it doesn't work out? We deal with psychologists.


  1. What is self-love
  2. Why it can be difficult to love yourself
  3. How to love yourself: advice from a psychologist
  4. Self-love and selfishness
  5. What to read

What is self-love


Self-love is a person's unconditional acceptance of himself. It implies understanding your needs and their implementation, the ability to take care of yourself, as well as a feeling of comfort in communicating with others.

When a person loves himself, he clearly knows what he likes, and feels respect for himself, regardless of external assessments or circumstances. He accepts himself in all his manifestations - positive and negative. Self-worth plays an important role here: a concept associated not with the degree of pride, but with a sense of one's own integrity and harmony within oneself.

Why loving yourself can be difficult


Lack of self-love can lead to problems in communication, interaction in society. Indeed, in this case, it becomes important for us what others think or say about us. As a result, self-esteem falls, and all this can lead to deep depression. That's why self-love is so important: before building relationships with other people, you need to learn to understand your own inner state.

It would seem that everything is quite simple: in order to change the quality of life for the better, we must accept ourselves and listen to our own desires. But in reality it turns out to be more difficult. And there can be many reasons why we often turn on the inner critic.

Kristina Kovalevskayapsychologist, family psychotherapist, specialist of the psychological platform Alter

“Self-love, or self-worth, like many aspects of our psyche, is formed in childhood. Our relationship with our parents can influence how we develop our own relationships as adults, which partners we are attracted to, and how we deal with different life situations. Including how we will treat ourselves.

If the parents told the child that he is an independent person, respect his interests, provide support, the level of self-love in such a person will be higher than in someone who often heard criticism or accusations addressed to him. Through the child's feeling that within the family he is loved and accepted as he is, he also develops an internal acceptance of himself.

For example, a child who is directly or indirectly made to understand that he is "stupid", "unlucky", "worse than his peers", in adulthood is very likely to form a deep conviction that he is "bad" or "does everything wrong ". Hence - self-doubt, their abilities, low self-esteem and lack of self-love. The person can be emotionally tense and react painfully to any remarks that confirm this unpleasant core belief, compare themselves with others, or try to compensate in ways that cause discomfort, such as going into workaholism, not allowing themselves to rest, or helping others to their detriment - all this It also interferes with building self-worth.

Love and acceptance of oneself can be prevented not only by relationships with parents, but also by other significant events from childhood. For example, peer relationships, emotional or physical trauma, and abuse. Often people who have experienced abuse experience severe feelings of shame or even guilt, which, of course, affect their self-worth.”

How to love yourself

Alison Rachel Stewart, social activist, artist, and creator of Self Love Recipes, an initiative dedicated to habits, practices, and meditations to improve mental health and wellness, described 13 steps to love yourself [1].

  1. Stop comparing yourself to others. We are socialized, so we often compare ourselves with others. But there is no point in this comparison, because each person is unique and unrepeatable. Instead, you need to focus on yourself.
  2. Do not dwell on the opinions of others. Do not pay too much attention to what others think or expect from you. We ourselves influence our mood. There is no need to go into depression or be offended by someone's statements or actions.
  3. Allow yourself to be wrong. Do not forget that we are all human and make mistakes. It's important to learn from them and grow. The lessons we learn from our own experience are priceless. We need to accept our past and understand why we acted the way we did.
  4. Remember that the value is not in appearance. Self-sympathy is very important. We don't need others' approval for appearance. To love yourself, it is enough to look in the mirror and understand that you like yourself. Both externally and internally.
  5. Don't be afraid to let go of toxic people. Refuse to associate with those who bring toxicity to relationships and overstep personal boundaries. It is much easier to love yourself when there are loved ones around who support and appreciate you.
  6. Work through your fears. The feeling of fear is natural for a person. Do not reject your fears - try to understand and accept them. Such an experience will improve mental health and help identify issues that have been causing concern. This will reduce anxiety.
  7. Believe in yourself to make the right decisions. We often doubt ourselves and our ability to do the right thing. But at the same time, we understand ourselves better than anyone else. And we take responsibility for our decisions. Therefore, it is important to believe in yourself. We can achieve a lot, and for this we do not need someone's approval or criticism.
  8. Take advantage of every opportunity that life presents. There may not be an ideal moment for the next big step in life. But this fact should not prevent us from achieving our goals.
  9. Put yourself first. The habit of prioritizing other people or circumstances can cost mental or emotional well-being. Find time to relax. Spend the day in bed or in nature, find something that will help restore the resource.
  10. Feel the emotions as fully as possible. Experience the pain, enjoy the joy and do not limit your feelings. Fear, pain, and joy are emotions that will help you understand yourself better.
  11. Be brave. Get in the habit of speaking your mind. Don't wait to sit down at a table, join a conversation, or share your thoughts. Your voice is just as important as any other.
  12. Learn to see beauty in simple things. Try to notice at least one beautiful thing around you every day. Pay attention to it and be grateful. Gratitude is necessary to find joy.
  13. Be kind to yourself. The world is full of criticism and harsh words - do not add your own negativity to them.


Expert advice

Kristina Kovalevskaya:

“It is important to understand that working on cultivating self-love is a process that can take quite a long time. Including this is the way of getting to know yourself and building personal boundaries. Here are a few tips to help you along this path.

  1. Learn to focus on yourself. This is the first thing that is important to do in order to find harmony with yourself. For various reasons, many of us tend to focus on the desires of others in order to receive approval from the outside and confirmation that "I am good." Therefore, it is useful to ask yourself questions more often: what do I want right now? Or: do I really want this or am I doing this because I have to / used to / so they said? To learn to hear yourself, you can keep a diary, where in one column you write down what you did during the day out of sincere desire, and in the second - what was done against your will or out of necessity.
  2. Take care of yourself and do nice things for yourself - this is the strongest resource that helps to develop not only self-love, but also reliance on yourself, and not on external people or circumstances.
  3. Allow yourself to be wrong. We often overreact to our own failures, especially if what happened is consistent with our personal perception of the concept of "bad". It is important to realize that mistakes give us valuable experience, and there are no ideal people, since we are all completely different. Perhaps the fact that you are not good at something does not mean that you are bad, but only that it does not suit you. Or, for objective reasons, you do not have enough knowledge, and if necessary, you can get it. Or maybe you are just tired and you should allow yourself a rest instead of being too strict and exacting in relation to yourself?
  4. Try to compare yourself not with others, but with yourself in an earlier period of life. Sometimes it is very useful to look at yourself yesterday and analyze the experience gained in order to stop devaluing it.
  5. Watch yourself. Sometimes we are overcome by strong emotions, we begin to criticize ourselves, the situation seems hopeless. In such cases, it is useful to take the so-called position of the observer. It's about bringing yourself back to the here and now. What happens to you at the moment of experiencing? What emotions are you experiencing? Naming and accepting feelings is very important, as well as the fact that they are our integral part. You can be angry, upset, sad - and this is normal, these are not at all "bad" emotions that "should not" be experienced. The position of the observer is also about exploring and getting to know yourself: what I feel now, why I react in one way or another, can I do otherwise, and so on.

Self-love and selfishness


How to correctly define what self-love is, and where is the line separating it from selfishness?

Valeria MoshnyatskayaMedical psychologist at the European Medical Center

“Love for yourself is a very capacious concept, including understanding your needs and their implementation, taking care of your health, as well as the ability to communicate with others in a way that is comfortable for you. That is why it raises so many questions and misunderstandings.

Selfishness, on the other hand, is the inability to hear others or the deliberate disregard of other people's needs for the benefit of one's own goals. I want to note that people with selfish tendencies are always completely sure that they are right and do not think about the choice.

Healthy self-love is a feeling of comfort in dealing with others, understanding one's needs and fulfilling them, the ability to relax and take care of oneself. You can write in detail the points only by understanding where exactly there are gaps.

Most of my work is based on the idea that self-love is making your decisions, understanding their choices and being able to correctly convey their essence to others. If a person is not confident in his decisions and choices, it will always be difficult for him to understand whether he is right or not. Confidence in decisions is a skill that is developed in the process of education. Therefore, it is easiest to get it in the process of psychotherapy. You can also start with small independent steps, describing for yourself both the decisions themselves and their arguments. This will help you focus on your choices.

It is important to remember that all your desires are normal. Sometimes we find it difficult to implement them or justify their importance to other people. But all this is by no means a signal that the desire is erroneous.

Kristina Kovalevskaya:

“Another reason for the lack of self-love can be a misinterpretation of this term. Many believe that self-love is selfish, while interpreting self-worth as an excessive concern for one's own interests, when a person does not pay attention to others. This can often be heard from parents or other significant people.

However, self-love is primarily about the unconditional acceptance of oneself with all the features, both good and not so good. This is about understanding who I am, what I like, about self-respect, regardless of external assessments or circumstances. I can be sociable or closed, humanitarian or mathematician, love meat or be a vegetarian - this is not good and not bad, this is part of my personality that I accept and respect. Self-worth is not about the “degree” of self-love. This is about a sense of harmony within oneself and one's own integrity. You can’t love and accept yourself “too much”, this cannot be in excess - we either unconditionally value ourselves for who we are, or we don’t fully accept.

Self-worth focuses on a person's relationship with himself and does not at all imply any selfish attitude towards others. Such a person does not expect something from others, and if he shares himself, then out of sincere desire and a feeling of fullness, and not sacrificing himself out of necessity.

Egoism is just about a person's attitude towards other people. The egoist thinks exclusively about his own benefit, often at the expense of other people. He does not take into account, does not respect and ignores the desires and interests of others, since he himself always stands on the pedestal.

Therefore, when someone calls a harmonious person who loves himself an egoist, this is most likely because he himself has some expectations based on his own benefit, and he wants the other to do what he needs, but his expectations are not met. This is what will be selfishness and manipulation of guilt.

An egoist is not a person who loves himself too much: on the contrary, egoists often have rather low self-worth, they are not in harmony with themselves and try to compensate for this by achieving some benefits at the expense of other people.

What to read about self-love


1. "Love inside" Yun Kang Chen

If you're feeling lonely, then perhaps this book is just what you need right now. Studying the modern problem of loneliness, the author realized that it arises from an internal conflict, so it cannot be “cured” with the help of other people. Yong Kang Chen has collected for his readers a lot of real stories and exercises that will help you understand that in order to let other people into your life, you must first learn to love and understand yourself.

2. Love for Imperfection, Gemin Sunim

We inevitably bring our internal dissatisfaction with ourselves to the outside world, which prevents us from living a full and happy life. In his book, Buddhist monk Gemin Sunim answers difficult questions that we ask ourselves in moments of despair and anxiety, and helps the reader find harmony and inner peace.

3. "Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go wherever they want", Ute Erhardt

The time has passed when the only purpose of a woman was to be a good mother and wife, but many of us still unconsciously live according to patriarchal attitudes, sacrificing our individuality for the sake of the family. Every woman needs to stop limiting herself and learn to listen to her true desires and needs.

4. "With love for yourself", Ilse Sand

Very often, excessive emotions complicate our lives - whether it be irrational jealousy, excessive anxiety, debilitating guilt. For a happy and harmonious life, it is important to find the right balance between caring for others and maintaining your own boundaries. Celebrated Danish psychologist Ilse Sand shares how to let go of non-functional emotions such as guilt and remorse and enjoy life and being with others.

5. "Are you okay", Alina Adler

Most of the problems with which people turn to a psychologist are quite similar. Uncertainty, inability to let go of the past, inability to gather strength, jealousy, guilt, envy, hopelessness, regret about missed opportunities. Alina Adler, a Gestalt therapist with 15 years of experience, using real cases from practice as an example, told how to correctly recognize and work through this or that negative state and finally find harmony and joy in life.


Materials for the article



Irina Vorobieva

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What is jealousy and how to stop being jealous: 7 advice from a psychologist . What are the real causes of jealousy? Dealing with the Specialists

Updated August 15, 2022, 10:44 AM


Many people experience an unpleasant feeling of anxiety, anger and envy when the object of their affection or love shows their affection for another person. This is jealousy, and, apparently, there is nothing unusual in such a reaction. The question is how far a person can go in his suspicion. Psychologists explain what is the cause of this feeling and how to manage it.


  1. What is it
  2. Causes
  3. Signs
  4. Psychological advice

What is jealousy


Jealousy is a complex of negatively colored feelings that appear in a person from the feeling that someone important to him does not show sufficient affection or is in a situation where this affection can be violated. Simply put, jealousy is combined with a possessive feeling and a desire to be the only one for a partner in every sense. There is no medical diagnosis or definition of the term "jealousy".

Tatyana Potapovadocent, PhD, psychotherapist "SM-Clinic"

“First of all, it should be said that jealousy is a normal, natural feeling, it is experienced by everyone who loves. Some say: "Without jealousy, there is no love." This feeling is especially strong in a situation of so-called romantic love, it is characterized by a special attitude towards the object of love: "This person is only mine, he should feel love only for me."

Valeria Moshnyatskayaclinical psychologist of the European Medical Center

“In the ICD-10 (International Classification of Diseases) we will not find a diagnosis of “jealousy”, but most often people suffering from these conditions have a diagnosis of F43.2 “adjustment disorder” or may relate to anxiety spectrum disorders or depressive disorders. A person prone to jealousy may resort to manipulation, blackmail, and even threats when the peak of his experiences is growing. After the passed peak, regret and guilt may appear. But the main thing is that there is calming until the next episode. This feeling is what keeps the cycle of behavior going. The main task of a jealous person is to become the main thing for a partner and devalue everyone, even the partner himself, in order to stay in the first place for sure.

According to Tatyana Potapova, different types of jealousy should be distinguished. There is one that is based on objective factors, such as real treason. Irrationally jealous are those who invent possible causes, present them and suggest them. Pathological jealousy is characterized by delusional and obsessive states. It is the subject of scientific research.

For example, a comparison of morbidly jealous people with ordinary people showed that they are often much older than the control group. At the same time, they demonstrated low purposefulness and desire to cooperate with others, the desire to avoid any harm, high impulsivity and anxiety, as well as low social adaptation [1].

Pathological love is next to jealousy, but studies confirm that they are not always the same or combined. A comparison of subjects with pathological jealousy and pathological love showed that jealous people are more likely to be in relationships and feel satisfied with them. On the other hand, despite the obvious differences, 72. 3% of respondents showed symptoms of a mental disorder [2].

Why do people get jealous


Jealousy is based on fear, which is combined with the feelings of anxiety, self-abasement, and anger that it causes.

Valeria Moshnyatskaya:

“It could be the fear of losing love, power, control, stability, security, support, respect, etc. For example, a pathological desire to protect a partner from communication with others may be caused by a fear of loss or a fear of comparison, which, in turn, was learned in childhood. If a child has been compared to others or favored siblings in childhood, he may want to keep his partner away from other people so that he does not face similar comparisons and a return to painful experiences.

Tatiana Potapova:

“The feeling of jealousy usually develops between one and three years of age — it is always associated with childhood. The child observes the relationship of the parents and transfers the observations into adulthood. Lack of love in childhood, experienced violence, psychological trauma can cause feelings of jealousy. The main factor is the fear of losing the love of a loved one.

Thus, the underlying causes of jealousy can be caused by:

  • traumatic experiences in childhood or adolescence;
  • low self-esteem;
  • unhealthy attachment;
  • selfishness and possessiveness;
  • projection of their feelings on the partner's feelings.

There is also a version about the evolutionary background of jealousy. This feeling, which helped our ancestors to survive, was inherited by us. The traditional model of evolutionary psychology holds that men become jealous in response to sexual threats to the relationship they are in. If our male ancestors were confident that they were the real fathers of the children they provided, they were guaranteed to pass on their DNA.

Women, in turn, were jealous in response to emotional threats to the relationship they were in. After all, these stable relationships increased the chances of survival of the offspring, which means that the transmission of further female DNA. This eventually led to the appearance of men with the sexual jealousy gene and women with the emotional jealousy gene [3]. True, some studies show that differences in the components of jealousy associated with gender are not relevant now. Simply put, both men and women are equally jealous in case of sexual infidelity, and in case of emotional infidelity they feel more resentment [4].

How to understand that you are jealous


Not everyone is ready to directly admit that they are jealous. Often people don't even realize it. Therefore, Valeria Moshnyatskaya described several signs of the presence of jealousy in a relationship:

  • the partner tries to control communication, all messages and correspondence, personal belongings and social networks;
  • wants to know where you are every minute;
  • looks for inconsistencies in your words and suspects lies;
  • negatively evaluates your communication with the opposite sex or even friends, tries to devalue them and criticize their behavior;
  • constantly requires confirmation of love, fidelity; in their absence, the partner becomes overly emotional and quick-tempered, may be offended without explaining the reason;
  • uses manipulation and blackmail.

Most importantly, this behavior is systematic.

“At the moment of an attack of jealousy, a person experiences the strongest uncontrollable fear, which envelops him so much that it makes it impossible to make decisions rationally. You see the wounded childish part of a person who is scared, and she is ready to keep the object of love by any means.

It is important that the manifestation of jealousy, like any other personality traits, has different intensity. If a partner clearly explains to you the reason for his fears, specifically formulates a request, and this does not cause tension in you, then jealousy can be compensated in the relationship cycle. For example, a partner says: “It is important for me that you do not compliment other people in my presence. It hurts me a lot, and I immediately experience a lot of negative emotions that I can’t cope with ”or“ I very often worry that you will stop loving me or leave me. The only thing that saves me from this fear is your words of love. Tell me more of them. But if you don’t tell me because you forgot (a) or you got winded (as), then I would like (a) to be able to request them and hear from you.

How to stop being jealous: 7 tips from a psychologist


Jealousy is dangerous not only for the object - he is exposed to the risks of persecution, psychological and physical violence - but also for the jealous person himself. Doctors say that people who are prone to jealousy experience high blood pressure and heart rate, high levels of adrenaline, and may have a weakened immune system. Jealousy causes anxiety and potentially insomnia [5].

Doctors are trying to find a cure only for morbid jealousy, which can cause domestic violence [6]. By the way, jealousy also affects the sexual health of people. For example, a study in Nicaragua showed that, as a result of jealousy, men force their partners to have sex, often transmitting diseases and infections such as HIV to them [7]. Cases of successful treatment with the antipsychotic drug pimozide are known [8]. There is also talk about a possible positive effect from intranasal administration of oxytocin [9].

There are some simple but effective self-help steps that Valeria Moshnyatskaya recommends:

  1. Be aware that you are jealous. As soon as you begin to experience anxiety, immediately tell your partner: "I'm very jealous right now, I need time to recover."
  2. Discuss your story with a partner, explain why fear arises.
  3. Reflect. Try to keep a diary and write down what happens to you at the peak of jealousy. After four or five recordings, analyze what fear is driving you to these feelings.
  4. Remember that each attack of jealousy is very likely to alienate your partner from you, which is the paradox of this cycle.
  5. Try to remember to whom for the first time in your life you experienced these feelings. Most likely, this is one of the parents, then it is worth discussing this with him (her) and request words of support.
  6. If you feel that jealousy takes a lot of energy, it is worth contacting a psychotherapist for help in order not to miss depressive symptoms.
  7. It is important to remember that a person prone to jealousy is more likely to choose a partner who maintains these cycles with their low emotionality. We choose those with whom we know how to behave. But this is not a sentence, any relationship can be brought into comfortable with the help of conversations or family therapy.

Tatyana Potapova:

“What can be done to a person who understands that he is jealous “out of nowhere”? Refuse to interrogate your loved one, try to look at things objectively: take a sheet and divide it into two parts, try to describe the events as if they happened to a stranger. What did your partner do out of the ordinary? Reflect all the pros and cons, look at the result from a distance.

Another way to fight jealousy is sublimation, the transfer of negative energy into a positive channel. Creativity, hobbies - everything that helps to cope with negativity.

However, when trying to overcome jealousy, one should not go to the other extreme: it also happens that they actually try to deceive a jealous person.

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