Why do i feel like my friends hate me
How to Cope When It Feels Like Everyone Hates You
If you feel like everyone hates you lately, it may help to know this experience is pretty common — and it usually doesn’t mean people actually hate you.
If you haven’t heard much from your friends lately, you might start to wonder if they even like you.
Maybe it’s difficult for you to connect with co-workers, or people brush you off or ignore you at events.
These experiences can pile up, snowballing into the feeling that everyone hates you.
Usually, this isn’t true. It’s far more likely that the people simply have a lot on their plate, which might prevent them from reaching out in meaningful ways.
But even when you know this on some level, worries can still outweigh logic, especially when you feel lonelier than usual or need a little social support for other reasons.
This feeling usually passes before long, but it can still overwhelm you and cause real distress.
It can be important to remember that if someone dislikes you, it is not a reflection of your worth. As the saying goes, stop trying to get everyone to like you because you don’t even like everyone.
That said, it can still be a difficult feeling to navigate. Here are a few tips to help you deal.
If you’ve heard of the mind-body connection, you might already know that emotional and physical symptoms can play off each other. Chronic pain and chronic stress may be connected.
In basic terms, this connection means you might experience emotional symptoms, including anxious or fearful thoughts, when your physical needs go unmet.
Here’s one example:
You wake up feeling awful. Your partner didn’t reply to your texts the night before, and the upstairs neighbors played music late into the night. You couldn’t sleep, so you spent most of the night worrying.
You skip breakfast, not having much appetite, and drink a lot of coffee to combat your exhaustion. By late morning, you feel jumpy and irritable. You texted your best friend for advice but still haven’t heard back.
You text a few more people, wanting to talk with someone.
When the afternoon rolls around, your silent phone feels like an accusation. You’re convinced no one’s replying because they all hate you.
If your partner and best friend usually get back to you right away, it’s understandable to feel somewhat concerned.
But when you’re fed, rested, and feel otherwise well physically, you’ll likely find it easier to accept the situation and wait patiently without reading too much into their actions.
Checking in
Next time you start to worry everyone hates you, take a moment to evaluate your physical condition:
- Are you tired?
- When did you last eat?
- Have you had water recently?
- Do you have a headache, stomachache, or other symptoms?
- Have you done anything to relax lately?
Taking care of these needs can help relieve worries and keep the cycle from worsening.
Cognitive distortions refer to irrational patterns of thinking that affect your perception of reality.
Many people experience them occasionally.
The feeling that everyone hates you can happen as a result of a few different distortions:
- Catastrophizing: You don’t hear back from anyone for a day or two, so you start to imagine no one cares. This is one example of catastrophizing.
- Personalization: When people seem distant or short with you or leave you out, you take it personally. You worry they hate you, but really, they just have other things on their mind or made an honest mistake.
- Mind-reading: You assume other people hate you or harbor other negative thoughts, even though they’ve never said anything to indicate as much.
- All-or-nothing thinking: Extreme thinking can mean you assume the people in your life either love you or hate you. If they seem even mildly annoyed, with or without a reason, you take this to mean they hate you and want nothing to do with you.
The first step in challenging these distortions involves identifying them.
Once you know what you’re dealing with, try:
- Reframing the situation: Identify a few alternate explanations for the concerning behavior. Try to give people the benefit of the doubt instead of making assumptions. Your partner may not have returned your texts because they felt sick and went to bed early, for example.
- Looking for evidence: Challenge yourself to come up with three pieces of evidence supporting the conclusion that everyone hates you. Then, find three pieces of evidence to refute this. Which list makes more sense?
A good distraction can help occupy your mind and redirect your focus from unwanted thoughts.
What’s more, distractions that involve spending time with others can open the doors to new interactions and social connections. This can make it easier to shake the feeling that everyone hates you.
Distraction ideas
- If you feel ignored at a social event or in a group of friends, start a conversation with someone new.
- At a party where no one’s talking to you, ask the host if there’s anything you can do to help.
- When you wonder why you haven’t heard from your friend, send a message to check in and invite them to do something together.
- If you’re home alone, get out of the house. Take a walk, go to a park or museum, or check out a community event.
Hobbies like reading, gardening, and video games can distract you while improving your mood and relieving negative feelings, so make sure to create time for yourself in your daily life.
People sometimes confuse healthy anger and frustration with hatred.
Conflict comes up in healthy relationships, too, and it’s important to handle things sooner rather than later.
Remaining “in a fight” can contribute to emotional tension and distress for everyone involved. It’s also worth noting that the longer a conflict continues, the more likely other people will get drawn in.
Consider this example:
You and your partner consistently disagree on where you should settle down.
They want to return to their hometown, while you want to explore a new big city. They enlist family and friends to help “convince” you that moving back to their hometown is the right move.
Taking sides generally isn’t productive, but it sometimes happens. It can make you feel as if everyone’s against you.
To resolve this situation, all parties directly involved should have a chance to express their feelings. Then, work together to find a solution that works for everyone.
If you feel as if others have singled you out or treated you unfairly, bring this up. It may not have been intentional. Letting people know how they made you feel can reduce the chances of it happening again.
Negative self-talk and feelings of self-loathing often contribute to the belief that everyone else hates you too.
Do you often talk down to yourself? Maybe you feel like you can’t do anything right and wish you were a better (or different) person.
When you can’t let go of these feelings, they may begin to color your perception of how other people view you.
If you don’t like yourself, you might reason, how could anyone else?
Self-hatred doesn’t just make you feel as if other people dislike you. It can also contribute to depression, anxiety, and other emotional distress.
While worrying everyone hates you doesn’t always suggest an underlying mental health concern, sometimes it does relate to a deeper issue such as an anxiety disorder.
Many people who experience paranoia, for example, believe others hate them and have a plan to hurt them or ruin their lives. Paranoia can happen on its own, but it can also happen as a symptom of mental health conditions, including:
- psychotic conditions
- bipolar disorder
- certain personality disorders, including paranoid and borderline personality disorder
- depression
Social anxiety also involves extreme sensitivity to the reactions of others. A casual glance might seem like a glare, an honest evaluation like negative criticism.
If you see a group of people laughing, you might feel certain they’re laughing at you.
And if no one seems interested in talking to you? Well, you might conclude they all hate you.
If you can’t seem to fight the thought that everyone hates you, consider reaching out to a mental health professional. A therapist can offer unbiased, compassionate guidance and help you explore these feelings.
If you’ve noticed other mental health symptoms, therapy offers a safe space to identify what’s happening and begin working toward improvement.
It’s wise to seek professional help when your feelings:
- spill over into your relationships
- affect performance at school or work
- last for more than a few days or keep coming back
- prevent you from enjoying life
You might know, deep down, that everyone doesn’t really hate you.
But knowing this doesn’t mean you automatically accept it, so you might still wonder, “But what if they do?”
If you feel neglected or ignored, it never hurts to start a conversation and share your feelings.
More often than not, you’ll find the people in your life care about you just as much as they ever did.
Crystal Raypole has previously worked as a writer and editor for GoodTherapy. Her fields of interest include Asian languages and literature, Japanese translation, cooking, natural sciences, sex positivity, and mental health. In particular, she’s committed to helping decrease stigma around mental health issues.
How to Cope When It Feels Like Everyone Hates You
If you feel like everyone hates you lately, it may help to know this experience is pretty common — and it usually doesn’t mean people actually hate you.
If you haven’t heard much from your friends lately, you might start to wonder if they even like you.
Maybe it’s difficult for you to connect with co-workers, or people brush you off or ignore you at events.
These experiences can pile up, snowballing into the feeling that everyone hates you.
Usually, this isn’t true. It’s far more likely that the people simply have a lot on their plate, which might prevent them from reaching out in meaningful ways.
But even when you know this on some level, worries can still outweigh logic, especially when you feel lonelier than usual or need a little social support for other reasons.
This feeling usually passes before long, but it can still overwhelm you and cause real distress.
It can be important to remember that if someone dislikes you, it is not a reflection of your worth. As the saying goes, stop trying to get everyone to like you because you don’t even like everyone.
That said, it can still be a difficult feeling to navigate. Here are a few tips to help you deal.
If you’ve heard of the mind-body connection, you might already know that emotional and physical symptoms can play off each other. Chronic pain and chronic stress may be connected.
In basic terms, this connection means you might experience emotional symptoms, including anxious or fearful thoughts, when your physical needs go unmet.
Here’s one example:
You wake up feeling awful.
Your partner didn’t reply to your texts the night before, and the upstairs neighbors played music late into the night. You couldn’t sleep, so you spent most of the night worrying.
You skip breakfast, not having much appetite, and drink a lot of coffee to combat your exhaustion. By late morning, you feel jumpy and irritable. You texted your best friend for advice but still haven’t heard back. You text a few more people, wanting to talk with someone.
When the afternoon rolls around, your silent phone feels like an accusation. You’re convinced no one’s replying because they all hate you.
If your partner and best friend usually get back to you right away, it’s understandable to feel somewhat concerned.
But when you’re fed, rested, and feel otherwise well physically, you’ll likely find it easier to accept the situation and wait patiently without reading too much into their actions.
Checking in
Next time you start to worry everyone hates you, take a moment to evaluate your physical condition:
- Are you tired?
- When did you last eat?
- Have you had water recently?
- Do you have a headache, stomachache, or other symptoms?
- Have you done anything to relax lately?
Taking care of these needs can help relieve worries and keep the cycle from worsening.
Cognitive distortions refer to irrational patterns of thinking that affect your perception of reality. Many people experience them occasionally.
The feeling that everyone hates you can happen as a result of a few different distortions:
- Catastrophizing: You don’t hear back from anyone for a day or two, so you start to imagine no one cares. This is one example of catastrophizing.
- Personalization: When people seem distant or short with you or leave you out, you take it personally. You worry they hate you, but really, they just have other things on their mind or made an honest mistake.
- Mind-reading: You assume other people hate you or harbor other negative thoughts, even though they’ve never said anything to indicate as much.
- All-or-nothing thinking: Extreme thinking can mean you assume the people in your life either love you or hate you. If they seem even mildly annoyed, with or without a reason, you take this to mean they hate you and want nothing to do with you.
The first step in challenging these distortions involves identifying them.
Once you know what you’re dealing with, try:
- Reframing the situation: Identify a few alternate explanations for the concerning behavior. Try to give people the benefit of the doubt instead of making assumptions. Your partner may not have returned your texts because they felt sick and went to bed early, for example.
- Looking for evidence: Challenge yourself to come up with three pieces of evidence supporting the conclusion that everyone hates you. Then, find three pieces of evidence to refute this. Which list makes more sense?
A good distraction can help occupy your mind and redirect your focus from unwanted thoughts.
What’s more, distractions that involve spending time with others can open the doors to new interactions and social connections. This can make it easier to shake the feeling that everyone hates you.
Distraction ideas
- If you feel ignored at a social event or in a group of friends, start a conversation with someone new.
- At a party where no one’s talking to you, ask the host if there’s anything you can do to help.
- When you wonder why you haven’t heard from your friend, send a message to check in and invite them to do something together.
- If you’re home alone, get out of the house. Take a walk, go to a park or museum, or check out a community event.
Hobbies like reading, gardening, and video games can distract you while improving your mood and relieving negative feelings, so make sure to create time for yourself in your daily life.
People sometimes confuse healthy anger and frustration with hatred.
Conflict comes up in healthy relationships, too, and it’s important to handle things sooner rather than later.
Remaining “in a fight” can contribute to emotional tension and distress for everyone involved. It’s also worth noting that the longer a conflict continues, the more likely other people will get drawn in.
Consider this example:
You and your partner consistently disagree on where you should settle down.
They want to return to their hometown, while you want to explore a new big city. They enlist family and friends to help “convince” you that moving back to their hometown is the right move.
Taking sides generally isn’t productive, but it sometimes happens. It can make you feel as if everyone’s against you.
To resolve this situation, all parties directly involved should have a chance to express their feelings. Then, work together to find a solution that works for everyone.
If you feel as if others have singled you out or treated you unfairly, bring this up. It may not have been intentional. Letting people know how they made you feel can reduce the chances of it happening again.
Negative self-talk and feelings of self-loathing often contribute to the belief that everyone else hates you too.
Do you often talk down to yourself? Maybe you feel like you can’t do anything right and wish you were a better (or different) person.
When you can’t let go of these feelings, they may begin to color your perception of how other people view you.
If you don’t like yourself, you might reason, how could anyone else?
Self-hatred doesn’t just make you feel as if other people dislike you. It can also contribute to depression, anxiety, and other emotional distress.
While worrying everyone hates you doesn’t always suggest an underlying mental health concern, sometimes it does relate to a deeper issue such as an anxiety disorder.
Many people who experience paranoia, for example, believe others hate them and have a plan to hurt them or ruin their lives. Paranoia can happen on its own, but it can also happen as a symptom of mental health conditions, including:
- psychotic conditions
- bipolar disorder
- certain personality disorders, including paranoid and borderline personality disorder
- depression
Social anxiety also involves extreme sensitivity to the reactions of others. A casual glance might seem like a glare, an honest evaluation like negative criticism.
If you see a group of people laughing, you might feel certain they’re laughing at you.
And if no one seems interested in talking to you? Well, you might conclude they all hate you.
If you can’t seem to fight the thought that everyone hates you, consider reaching out to a mental health professional. A therapist can offer unbiased, compassionate guidance and help you explore these feelings.
If you’ve noticed other mental health symptoms, therapy offers a safe space to identify what’s happening and begin working toward improvement.
It’s wise to seek professional help when your feelings:
- spill over into your relationships
- affect performance at school or work
- last for more than a few days or keep coming back
- prevent you from enjoying life
You might know, deep down, that everyone doesn’t really hate you.
But knowing this doesn’t mean you automatically accept it, so you might still wonder, “But what if they do?”
If you feel neglected or ignored, it never hurts to start a conversation and share your feelings.
More often than not, you’ll find the people in your life care about you just as much as they ever did.
Crystal Raypole has previously worked as a writer and editor for GoodTherapy. Her fields of interest include Asian languages and literature, Japanese translation, cooking, natural sciences, sex positivity, and mental health. In particular, she’s committed to helping decrease stigma around mental health issues.
Why do my friends hate me? - Page of Virtual Travelers - LiveJournal
Why do my friends hate me?
I noticed an amazing human feature: sometimes people start to really squirm when next to them someone tries to become a little better. They seem to be ready to go out of their way just to stop him. I will give simple examples.
Let's say you decide to quit smoking. Your friends and colleagues with whom you used to regularly visit the smoking room will go out of their way to seduce you and constantly offer you a cigarette.
Instead of motivating and supporting, you will hear maxims like: "Come on, you already tried, we know this is throwing!" or "You know, it's better to smoke a little and constantly than to arrange stress for the body..."
You have decided to stop drinking. Get ready that it will not be easy for many to accept this seemingly good and joyful fact. Now, at every party, you will have to make excuses: talk about heart surgery and doctors' ban on alcohol. But everyone around will still try to get you drunk, using different methods - from "weak" to "you're boring." And if you try to skip some outright booze, incredible resentment will follow.
Or you decided to lose weight and started to monitor your diet - just watch the products and their quality, without crazy fanaticism and obsession. The same people who used to scream about "you're fat" and "you need to lose weight" will immediately begin to make fun of your healthy breakfasts and try to feed you bacon and sausages.
Finally, you have decided to go in for sports.
To make it fun and enjoyable, you do push-ups wherever you can. Readers who are enraged by your push-ups will immediately begin to unsubscribe from you. Instead of support, you will get skepticism and irritation. Looking for an ashtray in a national park or poking around corners is normal and normal, but doing fifty push-ups in nature is strange and inappropriate.
As you have already understood, these are stories from my life and now they excite me very much. Why is this happening? I don't like to think that people are angry because they themselves are sitting on the couch and get annoyed when they see that someone can get their ass off and play sports. Or start taking care of yourself, your diet and lifestyle. The reason, I think, is that other people's manifestations of self-improvement remind us that we, too, can become better. We can, but, alas, we won't.
And not only your ill-wishers do this, but also your friends. And this is the most annoying thing. There is another problem with friends - they, like a devil-tempter, push you to try "one glass", "skip one" and so on.
And if enemies can be sent or ignored, then friends have to painfully explain the same thing a hundred thousand times. I'm not talking about my inner struggle, which is fueled by close people.
Have you noticed this? Have there been similar problems? How did you cope or are you coping?
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What if everyone hates you
March 14, 2022 How to live Relationship
First, make sure that the sensations do not fail.
A person encounters negativity many times throughout his life. Sometimes it is true: if you do something bad to someone, even if unconsciously, the victim may experience a range of negative emotions towards the guilty person. And sometimes not: because someone slandered or for some similar reasons.
But sometimes it seems that everybody hates you. Moreover, it is not always necessary to do or say something reprehensible for this.
Sometimes listening to the wrong music or dressing differently is enough.
Or you can not stand out at all. Hatred is directed not at a person personally, but at the group to which he belongs. Moreover, even if he does not share the ideas of this group and does not support the actions. For example, if he was an employee of the organization at the time when the management did something that is condemned in a decent society, he may become an object of hatred. On the one hand, his opinion was not taken into account. On the other hand, he may be considered an accomplice. And at the same time, he himself may feel guilty, even if he was not silent, but actively disagreed with what was happening.
But hatred destroys. Therefore, it is important to understand what to do in this situation.
Make sure you really encounter hate
There is a risk of drawing premature conclusions. You may feel like the whole world is against you. But that may not be the case at all.
Elena Masolova
Psychologist, gestalt therapist, author of the method of working with the family system using the genosociogram.
It is important to understand that if a person thinks that they hate him, this is only his perception of the situation. We can only know for sure if we are told this. If there was no conversion, then these are our fantasies, not based on facts.
And if only for this reason, it is somewhat presumptuous to think that the whole world hates you specifically. Most of the world's population is simply unaware of your existence. And even if we are talking about strong negative feelings towards some group of people, many quite successfully separate the instigators and hostages of what is happening. That is, they hate the group as a whole, but they don’t specifically hate you. And you can find out if you talk.
Elena Masolova
Psychologist, gestalt therapist, author of the method of working with the family system using the genosociogram.
In a situation where a person has spoken directly about his feeling of hatred, try asking him a question about what exactly in your behavior he hates, and ask him to give facts.
In this case, it will become clear to you what exactly in your actions caused such feelings in him. This will relieve some of the emotional stress, because uncertainty and reticence gives us suffering, because we begin to think out ourselves. And our thoughts may differ from reality.
Deal with guilt
Sometimes thoughts of universal hatred arise from the fact that a person considers himself responsible for what is happening, even if he really could not influence anything. At the same time, the feelings of others may not be so important. He thinks that everyone hates him, because how could it be otherwise: he is to blame. And here it is important to work with your feelings.
Elena Masolova
Psychologist, gestalt therapist, author of the method of working with the family system using the genosociogram.
There are two types of wine. The first is real guilt, when there is specific harm done to another person. And it can be redeemed: to apologize or, say, to serve a term - depending on the severity of the act. This is a healthy expression. The second type is far-fetched guilt, when there is no real damage. Suppose a person belongs to a certain group of people in whose name something bad is being done. It is not related to this action and does not support it.
To begin with, it is necessary to realize at least this. And it becomes easier for many, and someone even stops feeling guilty. Same with shame. If the situation is not improving, then you should ask yourself the question: do I feel guilty about everything? For the fact that the child received a deuce at school, that the husband was rude to a neighbor, and so on. In this case, it is worth working with your sense of guilt for the whole world with a specialist.
It is important for people to understand that when they are overwhelmed by too strong feelings, this is always a reason to deal with themselves.
A person with good reflection will not feel guilty for what he did not do.
Try to understand the other person's feelings
Of course, the easiest way is to take a defensive position: “Oh, so! I'm not guilty of anything, and you hate me, so get it! But this is also not very constructive.
Irina Izvekova
Psychologist.
Conflict in relationships at any time, and especially now, can be truly destructive, or it can become a source of better understanding of yourself and others. The exercise described below will help reduce the intensity of emotions in order to move on to understanding.
Irina Izvekova advises to do the following:
- Find a secluded place. You will need paper, a pen and 20-30 minutes of your time.
- Think about what exactly you are accused of? Give yourself time to remember specific words. Write it down briefly.
- Find something in common in everything you hear. What is the very essence, the core of the accusation?
- Now defend yourself, deny the accusations, and allow yourself to feel that you are not all to blame, there is something else untouched inside.
- After taking care of yourself, take another step towards a solution. Try to find in the core of the accusation a grain of truth, even a small one. It is enough to agree to only 1%.
- Write down your thoughts and feelings briefly. If you manage to find and recognize even a little, perhaps you will feel understanding and compassion for a different position and a different outlook on life. Notice even the smallest, slightest changes in your body, feelings, breath, and relationships after you accept a grain of truth.
The psychologist notes: “If you manage sincerely, with respect for yourself, to recognize the right of another to his point of view, the sharpness of interpersonal confrontation can begin to decrease at least for a while. The exercise can be repeated as needed. And remember, you're okay if you don't succeed."
Another important point: consider the state of people who experience negativity and under what conditions. If they are under a lot of stress, just give them the opportunity to experience any feelings.
It’s hard for them now, they don’t have time to figure out whether all people wish them harm and how specifically you are to blame. When the situation changes for the better, then you will find out. In the meantime, you can sympathize with them and not take everything personally.
Protect yourself
According to Irina Izvekova, people who experience self-hatred may experience a huge lack of security, and this is a basic need of the psyche. In the absence of security, it is difficult or even impossible to be a creative, happy and productive person.
If absolutely unbearable, the expert advises to consider several steps for self-help:
- Physically cut off communication. Maybe it will be a temporary step, maybe not. The decision can be made later, after the decline of emotions. It is important to understand that physical care does not solve the psychological roots of the problem, but helps to protect oneself, to take a breather for awareness.
- Support yourself emotionally, don't trust the accusing voices inside.
Find at least one person in your close or distant environment, here or in the past, who treats you well in order to build on the positive experience of relationships where you are appreciated. - Find someone you can tell about what is happening. The feeling of isolation and loneliness makes the situation more difficult. If there are no trusted persons in the environment, use helplines.
Live on
It's much nicer when everyone around you loves you. But when this is not the case, do not give up.
Elena Masolova
Psychologist, gestalt therapist, author of the method of working with the family system using the genosociogram.
If we are convinced that a person really hates us, and understand why, then it is important to accept that we are not responsible for the feelings of others. People have the right to love us or hate us. And their feelings cannot influence our actions if they do not violate other people's boundaries in any way. Otherwise, if we want everyone to love us, then we can very quickly betray ourselves and forever adapt to others.
