Husband cheating with ex
17 disturbing signs he is cheating on you with his ex
My boyfriend cheated on me with his ex and it broke my heart.
They say that love is blind. And my trust in him made me blind to some of the more obvious signs of his infidelity. And looking back there were definitely clues.
If you think he could be cheating on you with his ex, you need to watch out for the red flags that he’s a) having an affair b) isn’t over his ex.
It’s these two things combined that show you the signs he is cheating with his ex.
17 signs he is cheating with his ex
1) You start noticing your relationship has changed
What are the first signs of cheating? They’re often subtle. You might not even be able to put your finger on it, but something isn’t the same. There’s been a noticeable shift in the relationship.
It could be that you two just don’t feel as close as you used to be. There’s a bit of the magic missing. You’re not laughing and joking like in the early days. You’re aguing more about stupid things.
Or you might sense that change has come from him. Maybe he doesn’t seem as happy anymore. Perhaps he’s suddenly hyper-critical of you. Sometimes it might even feel as though he’s been acting like a different person.
Of course, couples do go through rough patches or grow apart. This on its own certainly doesn’t mean he’s cheating.
But these kinds of cracks in a relationship can also signal that there’s someone else on the scene.
2) They’ve been hanging out all of a sudden
Let’s face it. Nobody likes an ex who is still hanging around. Even if he says they’re just good friends, it’s not a nice feeling.
If they split years ago and have remained pals ever since it’s probably not a big deal (even if you don’t like it). Especially if they’re not exactly besties and only see one another occasionally or just keep in touch on social media.
But if he’s suddenly rekindled this friendship and has started hanging out with her one on one again, it’s understandable you’d be suspicious.
It’s not that you can’t be friends with an ex. It’s more that out of respect for your new partner, there’s a definite line you shouldn’t cross.
That includes going over to her house, taking trips together, or meeting up regularly one on one.
Spending a lot of time with an ex is bound to cause problems in your current relationship. Your guy should be aware that him getting close with her has the potential to leave you feeling jealous and insecure.
If he is still friends with her and it bothers you, you should talk about that with him. As your man, he should always consider your feelings.
If he isn’t prepared to do so, is it any wonder if you start to think that there’s no smoke without fire and something must be going on between them.
3) He starts spending a lot of time away from home
When was the last time you saw him? Is he a lot busier recently? Has he started to work late a lot? Does he tell you where he’s going? Or does he sometimes go off the radar and you’re not sure who he’s with or what he’s doing?
It could be he’s constantly late or he’s never home when you call.
Unaccounted for hours is a classic sign of cheating. It makes sense. If he’s seeing his ex, he has to find the time (and the excuses) to do so.
If he’s always working late hours, then maybe he’s seeing her at night. If he disappears for long periods of time, then he may be having secret meetings with his ex.
Either way, it’s a sign that things aren’t quite right. And if he’s lying about where he’s going and why, then you know there’s something fishy going on.
4) He’s always talking about her
You might think that talking about her all the time seems a sure-fire way to blow his cover if he’s having an affair. But here’s the funny thing, when we like someone we end up speaking about them more often without even noticing.
They’re on your mind, you’re seeing them more often, and so you bring them up in conversation. One of the obvious signs that my ex was having an affair was that he never shut up about her.
Her name found its way into stories he was telling, and seemingly inconsequential conversations we were having.
Basically, him talking about her a lot reflects his interest in her. You know when a friend has a crush and always finds a way of bringing him up? It’s a bit like that.
Whilst it might not signal a full-on affair, bringing her up all the time is at the very least an alarming sign he’s not over his ex.
5) He’s been acting distant or cold towards you
Cheating men tend to start to act differently around their partners. That’s why it’s important to pay attention to how he treats you.
He’s moody and withdrawn. Gives you the cold shoulder. He acts distant. Avoids eye contact.
One of the ways guys tend to change when they’re having an affair is by pulling away. Are you suddenly being ignored? Do you notice that he doesn’t seem as interested in you as before?
Acting colder can be a sign he is more emotionally withdrawn from the relationship. It might also be a way of hiding from you and dealing with the guilt.
The tricky part is that guys can become more distant in a relationship for other reasons too.
Like when they’re losing interest in the relationship.
You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.
I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.
And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.
Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger it.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?
Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.
The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.
Click here to watch the free video.
6) He compares you two
Comparing your current partner to your ex is a huge no, no. That includes comparing either you or your relationship in general.
If he starts doing it, you have to stop him. And if he continues after you’ve told him to knock it off, then it’s a big warning sign. This is because it shows that he still cares about his ex and hasn’t moved on.
Even when it’s not necessarily complimentary towards her. It’s still not great.
Why? Because the reality is that if he’s comparing you to her, he’s likely still thinking about her, even though he says otherwise.
Whilst it’s normal for exes to come to mind every now and then, comparing you suggests he’s thinking about her more than he should.
The fact that he would think to compare you two, means he’s still invested in her and potentially carrying a torch for their relationship.
7) He’s secretive over his phone
Guys who are doing the dirty are more guarded over their phones. And with good reason too. Most affairs are found out through technology these days.
A survey found that texts are the most common way for affairs to be discovered. More specifically, men are caught out sending sexy messages or pictures to their lovers.
If he is way more protective over his phone of late, then you might suspect there’s something he doesn’t want you to see. So lookout for any changes in his behavior around his phone.
Maybe he always makes sure his phone is face down on the table recently, when he never used to. He might have changed his phone password when you used to know it, to stop you from having access. Or he could spend a lot of time glued to his phone texting but is dismissive or elusive about who he’s talking to.
You might even know for a fact that he and his ex have been texting a lot recently, but he swears it’s all innocent.
8) He’s got a history of cheating
They say that once a cheat, always a cheat.
But is that really fair? Of course, people can change. And we all make mistakes.
But there is evidence that men with a long history of infidelity in their relationships are more likely to repeat that past behavior again.
In fact, one study found that people who cheated in their first relationship were more than three times likely to be unfaithful in their second relationship than people who didn’t cheat.
If he’s known as a bit of a player, if he’s been unfaithful to you before, or if your own relationship started as an affair — these are risk factors for infidelity in the future.
If he cheated on her with you, then it’s fair to assume he won’t think twice about doing the same to you as well.
9) He didn’t want to break up with her
How do you know he’s not over his ex?
Well if they had a nightmare of a relationship that he was relieved to be out of, then why would he want to go back to his ex? But if he doted on her, and she broke his heart, he could still have feelings for her.
On its own, the fact that she dumped him means very little. But if it’s combined with other suspicions, then it becomes more significant.
It means he wasn’t over the relationship when they split. He wasn’t the one who wanted to move on from her.
If he still has feelings for her, and she’s still in his life, then it might make him more open to cheating.
10) You have a strong intuitive feeling
Intuition shouldn’t be confused with paranoia. The two are very different. But sometimes you just have a gut feeling he’s cheating but no proof.
Your gut feeling is your subconscious brain picking up on lots of subtle signals and pieces of information behind the scenes. So that even when there is nothing concrete you can point to, you still have a strong feeling that he’s up to no good.
Paranoia on the other hand is more likely when you are needy, insecure, and jealous. It can take a good dose of self-awareness to know the difference.
But if you aren’t the jealous type and have never had issues with relationship insecurities before, then it is more likely to be your gut giving you this information.
You may have tried telling yourself that you’re just being silly, but still, you just can’t shake it.
Don’t ignore this feeling. It’s telling you that things aren’t right, and at the very least you need to talk about it with your boyfriend.
Healthy relationships are built on good communication. You need to be able to openly talk about the issues you have.
11) He tells lies about something small
This isn’t necessarily a red flag, but it could be.
Lying is obviously a sign of deception. The problem is that plenty of people tell seemingly innocent “white lies” to their partners. Usually to keep the peace or stay out of trouble.
But small lies can also mask far bigger lies.
Maybe he’s secretive about where he goes. If he lies about something small like where he went last night, it could mean that he’s hiding something bigger. For example, he may not want you to know what he was doing because he was with someone else — aka his ex.
Perhaps he’s lying about something petty like how much money he spent on dinner.
But again, why? Is there something more going on behind that?
The problem with lying is that it takes away trust. He’s not telling you everything. He’s been keeping secrets from you. And without trust, you find it hard to create an open and secure relationship.
12) You know she wants him back
Maybe she was upfront enough to tell you so, perhaps you’ve heard it from someone else, or maybe it’s just pretty flipping obvious from her behavior.
She wants him back, and she is making a play for him. Obviously, that doesn’t mean he’s going to cave in and give her what she wants.
But if she wants him back and he’s giving her hope — by still talking to her, or hanging out with her — then you need to ask what his motives are for that.
Is he open to getting back together with her? Or is he just letting his ego be flattered?
The sad reality is that having the opportunity to cheat is often cited as one of the main reasons men decide to have affairs.
As Fatherly notes:
“Men are more prone to casual and opportunistic cheating, which plays a big part in why they get caught.
Infidelity, for some men, is evidence of recklessness.”
There’s no denying that for some guys, having something offered to them on a plate makes them more likely to stray.
13) They only recently split up
It takes time to get over someone. The less time there has been since his breakup with her and then getting together with you, the less likely he has had enough space to heal and move on.
Some guys jump into something new straight away to avoid dealing with the grief of a breakup. But their lives are still entwined with their ex and they’re not over it.
It can take time to slowly realize that you are the rebound or the “other woman”.
He may swear that he’s over it, but as time goes on he starts to move closer to his ex and you begin to suspect there is some serious unfinished business between them.
14) He’s lost interest in sex
How do you know if he’s secretly cheating? A lot of women whose partners are having an affair notice a change in the bedroom.
He could seem far less interested in having sex. He may make excuses about why he doesn’t want to be intimate. The physical affection could have slowly dried up.
And when you try to talk to him about this, he either brushes off your concerns or gets angry.
This isn’t always a clear indicator that he’s seeing someone else. Sometimes it’s simply a side effect of being in a long-term relationship.
However, if he’s suddenly losing interest in sex, it might be worth checking whether there’s another reason. Particularly when his ex is back on the scene.
15) He’s become irritable and short-tempered.
Relationships aren’t always a bed of roses and real-life stresses can create tension at home every now and then.
If he’s dealing with stress then being a bit moody isn’t suspicious. But if there’s no apparent reason for it, or it’s happening often then it’s a bad sign in any relationship.
Some guys when they’re cheating seek to push you away by behaving in a grumpy way.
It’s not always conscious.
It might not mean cheating, but it certainly does signal strains in the relationship. Guys can also become moody when they’re not happy in the relationship for some other reason.
This relates back to the unique concept I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.
When a man feels respected, useful, and needed, he’s more likely to stay faithful and committed.
And the best part is, triggering his hero instinct can be as simple as knowing the right thing to say over a text.
You can learn exactly what to do by watching this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.
16) He refuses to talk about her
Just as much as always talking about his ex, it’s also fishy when he flat out refuses to discuss her at all.
Both these extremes suggest unresolved feelings.
If he’s still seeing her but totally avoids discussing her, it could be because he’s keeping something from you. If he says “it’s private”, then he could have something to hide.
Most men don’t want to casually chat about their ex with their new girl. Particularly if he’s not in touch with her. He may prefer to keep his distance.
But neither should it be a big deal to mention her. If he won’t even acknowledge her existence, then it’s definitely odd.
You might ask yourself why he’s so secretive. Is it because she’s a threat to his current relationship?
17) He prioritizes her
The rules are simple. Your current partner comes before your ex. They should be your primary concern, and if they are not, something gives.
You need to ask yourself whether he’s prioritizing her over you.
If he’s spending time with her and neglecting you, it’s a huge flashing warning sign and one that you need to heed asap. Even constantly defending her can feel like a betrayal.
It doesn’t matter if they’re “just friends”. If he goes running whenever she calls then it’s not okay to put up with it.
To conclude: If you’re worried he is cheating with his ex
By now you should have a better idea of whether he could be cheating with his ex.
Perhaps you’re still not sure, but you do know that something is not right between you too, and you are worried he is slipping away from you.
So the key now is getting through to your man in a way that empowers both him and you.
I mentioned the concept of the hero instinct earlier — by appealing directly to his primal instincts, you won’t only solve this issue, but you’ll take your relationship further than ever before.
And since this free video reveals exactly how to trigger your man’s hero instinct, you could make this change from as early as today.
With James Bauer’s incredible concept, he’ll see you as the only woman for him. So if you’re ready to take that plunge, be sure to check out the video now.
Here’s a link to his excellent free video again.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship.
After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
Click here to get $50 off your first session (exclusive offer for Hack Spirit readers).
5 Things You Need to Hear When He Leaves You For the Other Woman
*I recently received a heartbreaking email from a divorced mother who was having trouble getting past the fact that her ex husband left her for one of the women he cheated on her with. I’ve seen this type of situation many a time, unfortunately. In response, I wanted to share something I think all the women (and men!) in these situations ought to know.
*
Whether you’ve gone through a divorce or a break up, anytime a relationship ends it can feel beyond painful. And if it happens after someone cheats, it can feel even more so. You’re hurt, heartbroken, and probably confused.
How could this happen?
How could he/she do this to you?
Well as a person who has been on either side of the spectrum (as cheater and cheated on), I feel for you. I’ve been there. It’s painful to feel so hurt and confused. There’s probably nothing you’d like more than to use that wicked right hook right about now. But I’m here to tell you a few things you really ought to know…
#1. I’m happy for you.
I’m happy that you are no longer tied to someone who does not love you in the way you deserve to be loved.
You are worthy of so much more. You are worthy of a partner who loves and respects you so much that he would never put your relationship at risk by cheating, no matter how much he may be tempted.
We are all human here, and temptation is a normal feeling to experience, even after you’re married. Our biological makeup has designed us to be physically attracted to a lot more than just one person in our lifetime.
We have to learn as an evolved member of society that physical attraction does not equal love, it does not always mean compatibility, and it certainly does not mean “the grass is greener” with this other person.
And even if your ex learns this lesson and comes crawling back – remember that you deserve better. And I am so happy that you have a chance to find “better” now that he is gone (eventually, of course).
#2. This was not your fault.
I’m sure you know this in your head, but I want you to understand it in your heart, too. No matter what he has said or how he has tried to push blame – it is not your fault when someone cheats on you. It’s his.
Yes, it takes two to tango in any relationship – in building it and in breaking it down.
But when someone makes the decision to cheat on his significant other, that’s on him. That is a decision he made to betray you, your relationship, your kids… your family as a whole. And he could have made that decision for all kinds of reasons.
Maybe he wanted out of the relationship but was too much of a coward to throw in the towel.
Maybe he wanted to force you to make the decision on your own – to leave him.
Perhaps he simply “made a mistake.”
Or perhaps you cheated first and he wanted to pay you back in turn.
Whatever the excuse – put it out of your mind!
No matter what happened – whether an emotional affair, a late night make-out session, a one night only sexual mistake, or a full blown affair – it’s up to you to decide how much you’re willing to put up with before you throw in the towel. But if you make the decision to leave, or kick them out, or whatever – I want you to consider something:
#3. One day you’ll thank the other woman.
I know this sounds completely counter-intuitive and against everything society tries to teach you. But eventually, when the dust settles, you’re going to need to start thinking of things in a more positive light.
That “other woman” showed you his true colors.
Your ex was toxic, he cheated on you, he disrespected you, betrayed you, broke your trust… And now you are free to let him go. You do not have to put up with it anymore. Let someone else deal with his lies and the pain. Don’t take your pain out on the other woman. It kills me when women do this – as if your significant other had no control over his actions after that “harlot” walked in the office. B*llsh*t!
She’s not the one who broke your trust – your partner did. I don’t care if you were married or in a relationship – either way, you two were committed to each other. Your significant other is the one who betrayed you.
Now if she was a friend, by all means cut that woman off. But don’t blame her.
Hoping for the worst for this other woman, while it may feel necessary, will not help you heal. Just think… if he cheated on you with her, what’s stopping him from cheating on her with someone else?
#4. Focus on yourself.
As far as any breakup goes (not just the cheating kind) – you deserve so much better than your ex. And that’s not just “girlfriend talk” – I’m being real with you. You deserve someone who is never going to cheat on you, who loves and respects you, who is worthy of your time and affection.
And now that you’re free of the dead weight, now is the perfect time to focus on YOU. Take your time, ignore romantic advances, and work on being the best person you can be.
Here are a few suggestions to help you grow:
Workout that body.There’s no sense in putting on weight from depression (trust me, I’ve been there). Channel that heartbreak into anger (How dare he?!) and concentrate all your aggression on fitness.
Start working out at home, at your apartment fitness center, or get a membership at a local gym.
Pick up a new hobby or skill you’ve been wanting to learn. Learn to cook, speak a different language, whatever you can cross off your bucket list!
Rediscover your favorites.Do you have a hobby or favorite pastime that you had to put on the back burner while you were in a relationship? Use some of your extra time to do those things! Read, hike, bike!
Experience the world.Travel, travel, travel! Take a trip alone, or with a best friend – whatever speaks to you. I found myself changing my life on the mountains of Colorado at one point. My ex-husband traveled to Thailand after our divorce. Wherever you go, make sure you have time to focus on your own thoughts.
Figure out what you really want and need.When you start rediscovering yourself as a single woman, you’re going to have a lot of time to figure out who you really are and what you really want in a partner.
Once you make that list or iron it out in your mind, don’t focus on it. Write it down and hide it away.
You will find each other when you’re both ready, when you’re meant to, and not a moment sooner.
#5. It gets better.
After a bad breakup – whether because of betrayal or another reason – it can be difficult to keep a positive outlook. But believe me when I say it gets better. Pain fades away, you’ll discover more about yourself, and life will get better.
Don’t be surprised if you have trust issues; they’re pretty standard. It’s a natural response when you don’t want to be hurt again. Over time, new people and new relationships will wear those walls down. You’ll find yourself able to trust the right people again. One day, you may even find yourself tearing down your metaphorical walls for just the right person – someone who will challenge your assumptions and prove to you that soulmates must be real.
But that’s not the goal. The goal is to work on yourself, work on a positive outlook, and free yourself from the hate and the pain.
Good luck, Mama! I believe in you!
xoxo
PS: There’s so much more than the stages of grieving. Here’s how to heal from divorce.
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dasha
my husband cheated on me with his ex-wife, and we were just starting to live. I forgave me because I love. I begged for forgiveness, said that this would not happen again. I seem to have coped. But I can’t, with every petty quarrel I remember this for him. In my soul everything is still the same bad. tell me how to behave?
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my husband cheated on me with his ex-wife, and we were just starting to live.
I forgave because I love. I asked for forgiveness, begged, said that this would not happen again. I seem to have coped. But I can’t, with every petty quarrel I remember this for him. In my soul everything is still the same bad. tell me how to behave?
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You think, in the familiar female pi_Su pierced! And what happened, from you, the author, left? This situation My man on weekends goes with the BJ and their child to entertain his daughter. And on Saturday I find a bag from a used prezik in a car, at first I protested, but I feel like I'm lying. In general, I confessed. But such pain, such a hurricane of feelings, whoever has experienced will understand what I mean. He admitted he wanted her for a long time, but here we have monotonous sex, he wanted variety, only not with me, but with her.
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Either agree to a harem relationship, or leave... The third is not given. Marina A self-respecting woman will not smear and twist snot, thinking that he ran to a new one, how does she differ from a slandered mistress? Women are stupid, regardless of whether they are real or former, and a woman with dignity will not take revenge and welcome a traitor
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Yes, this is common practice.
My ex rolled up for three years after the divorce until I had a new permanent man. Then she gave a turn from the gate. Until that time, I used the former for health and pleasure. .
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A self-respecting woman won't even pick up leftovers. It's about new awesome wives. 11 May 2018 This bottom is real. He thinks that the BJ is dying for him, he can’t find anyone (and that’s how it is), he smacks her out of pity...and his doubt rejoices
911 May 2018 A self-respecting woman will not smear and twist snot, thinking that he ran to a new one, how does she differ from a slandered mistress? Women are stupid, regardless of whether they are real or former, and a woman with dignity will not take revenge and welcome a traitorWoman.ru experts
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GypsyNo, well, who do you have to be to gasp with someone who stole from you to a new one? This bottom is real.
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#32
Guest
Yes, this is common practice. My ex rolled up for three years after the divorce until I had a new permanent man. Then she gave a turn from the gate. Until that time, I used the former for health and pleasure. My daughter was still small, it was difficult to look for someone for a new relationship, and her needs did not disappear. The former is a win-win. You won’t run into trouble, you know everything about his health, he will be protected very carefully, he knows how to please you. Yes, and swapping places with his mistress was pretty cool. Now she had to wash shirts with my lipstick. Again, it greatly affects the generosity of a man)) My, in addition to alimony, by the way voluntary and not small, spent so much money on me that I even wondered how he explains such amounts to his current wife? Prr overnight, I'm silent.
this is a clear matter, he "stayed with his daughter" Although the daughter was happily visiting her grandmother at that time (by the way, her mother and she knew why she covered it) And for three years the three of us twice with a child rested on the sea. And once, together with the former, they flew to Prague - he "was on a business trip." He said many times that he had set foot, thought badly, etc., that he wanted to return. That only when I lost I realized what a fool I was. But as a lover and father of my daughter, he suited me 100%, but for a husband for him again I didn’t want, not reliable. So far, in mistresses, and not conquered from men like my ex-husband, a hunting gleam in the eyes and a thirst to win at any cost. But as your own. home at hand so immediately the value is lost.
#36
Guest
get divorced. And for the future, do not pick up second-hand men.
