Humor about women
Why Women Aren't Funny | Vanity Fair
Be your gender what it may, you will certainly have heard the following from a female friend who is enumerating the charms of a new (male) squeeze: “He’s really quite cute, and he’s kind to my friends, and he knows all kinds of stuff, and he’s so funny . . . “ (If you yourself are a guy, and you know the man in question, you will often have said to yourself, “Funny? He wouldn’t know a joke if it came served on a bed of lettuce with sauce béarnaise.”) However, there is something that you absolutely never hear from a male friend who is hymning his latest (female) love interest: “She’s a real honey, has a life of her own . . . [interlude for attributes that are none of your business] . . . and, man, does she ever make ‘em laugh.”
Now, why is this? Why is it the case?, I mean. Why are women, who have the whole male world at their mercy, not funny? Please do not pretend not to know what I am talking about.
All right—try it the other way (as the bishop said to the barmaid). Why are men, taken on average and as a whole, funnier than women? Well, for one thing, they had damn well better be. The chief task in life that a man has to perform is that of impressing the opposite sex, and Mother Nature (as we laughingly call her) is not so kind to men. In fact, she equips many fellows with very little armament for the struggle. An average man has just one, outside chance: he had better be able to make the lady laugh. Making them laugh has been one of the crucial preoccupations of my life. If you can stimulate her to laughter—I am talking about that real, out-loud, head-back, mouth-open-to-expose-the-full-horseshoe-of-lovely-teeth, involuntary, full, and deep-throated mirth; the kind that is accompanied by a shocked surprise and a slight (no, make that a loud) peal of delight—well, then, you have at least caused her to loosen up and to change her expression. I shall not elaborate further.
Women have no corresponding need to appeal to men in this way.
They already appeal to men, if you catch my drift. Indeed, we now have all the joy of a scientific study, which illuminates the difference. At the Stanford University School of Medicine (a place, as it happens, where I once underwent an absolutely hilarious procedure with a sigmoidoscope), the grim-faced researchers showed 10 men and 10 women a sample of 70 black-and-white cartoons and got them to rate the gags on a “funniness scale.” To annex for a moment the fall-about language of the report as it was summarized in Biotech Week:
The researchers found that men and women share much of the same humor-response system; both use to a similar degree the part of the brain responsible for semantic knowledge and juxtaposition and the part involved in language processing. But they also found that some brain regions were activated more in women. These included the left prefrontal cortex, suggesting a greater emphasis on language and executive processing in women, and the nucleus accumbens .
. . which is part of the mesolimbic reward center.
This has all the charm and address of the learned Professor Scully’s attempt to define a smile, as cited by Richard Usborne in his treatise on P. G. Wodehouse: “the drawing back and slight lifting of the corners of the mouth, which partially uncover the teeth; the curving of the naso-labial furrows . . . “ But have no fear—it gets worse:
“Women appeared to have less expectation of a reward, which in this case was the punch line of the cartoon,” said the report’s author, Dr. Allan Reiss. “So when they got to the joke’s punch line, they were more pleased about it.” The report also found that “women were quicker at identifying material they considered unfunny.”
Slower to get it, more pleased when they do, and swift to locate the unfunny—for this we need the Stanford University School of Medicine? And remember, this is women when confronted with humor. Is it any wonder that they are backward in generating it?
This is not to say that women are humorless, or cannot make great wits and comedians.
And if they did not operate on the humor wavelength, there would be scant point in half killing oneself in the attempt to make them writhe and scream (uproariously). Wit, after all, is the unfailing symptom of intelligence. Men will laugh at almost anything, often precisely because it is—or they are—extremely stupid. Women aren’t like that. And the wits and comics among them are formidable beyond compare: Dorothy Parker, Nora Ephron, Fran Lebowitz, Ellen DeGeneres. (Though ask yourself, was Dorothy Parker ever really funny?) Greatly daring—or so I thought—I resolved to call up Ms. Lebowitz and Ms. Ephron to try out my theories. Fran responded: “The cultural values are male; for a woman to say a man is funny is the equivalent of a man saying that a woman is pretty. Also, humor is largely aggressive and pre-emptive, and what’s more male than that?” Ms. Ephron did not disagree. She did, however, in what I thought was a slightly feline way, accuse me of plagiarizing a rant by Jerry Lewis that said much the same thing.
(I have only once seen Lewis in action, in The King of Comedy, where it was really Sandra Bernhard who was funny.)
In any case, my argument doesn’t say that there are no decent women comedians. There are more terrible female comedians than there are terrible male comedians, but there are some impressive ladies out there. Most of them, though, when you come to review the situation, are hefty or dykey or Jewish, or some combo of the three. When Roseanne stands up and tells biker jokes and invites people who don’t dig her shtick to suck her dick—know what I am saying? And the Sapphic faction may have its own reasons for wanting what I want—the sweet surrender of female laughter. While Jewish humor, boiling as it is with angst and self-deprecation, is almost masculine by definition.
Substitute the term “self-defecation” (which I actually heard being used inadvertently once) and almost all men will laugh right away, if only to pass the time. Probe a little deeper, though, and you will see what Nietzsche meant when he described a witticism as an epitaph on the death of a feeling.
Male humor prefers the laugh to be at someone’s expense, and understands that life is quite possibly a joke to begin with—and often a joke in extremely poor taste. Humor is part of the armor-plate with which to resist what is already farcical enough. (Perhaps not by coincidence, battered as they are by motherfucking nature, men tend to refer to life itself as a bitch.) Whereas women, bless their tender hearts, would prefer that life be fair, and even sweet, rather than the sordid mess it actually is. Jokes about calamitous visits to the doctor or the shrink or the bathroom, or the venting of sexual frustration on furry domestic animals, are a male province. It must have been a man who originated the phrase “funny like a heart attack.” In all the millions of cartoons that feature a patient listening glum-faced to a physician (“There’s no cure. There isn’t even a race for a cure”), do you remember even one where the patient is a woman? I thought as much.
Precisely because humor is a sign of intelligence (and many women believe, or were taught by their mothers, that they become threatening to men if they appear too bright), it could be that in some way men do not want women to be funny.
They want them as an audience, not as rivals. And there is a huge, brimming reservoir of male unease, which it would be too easy for women to exploit. (Men can tell jokes about what happened to John Wayne Bobbitt, but they don’t want women doing so.) Men have prostate glands, hysterically enough, and these have a tendency to give out, along with their hearts and, it has to be said, their dicks. This is funny only in male company. For some reason, women do not find their own physical decay and absurdity to be so riotously amusing, which is why we admire Lucille Ball and Helen Fielding, who do see the funny side of it. But this is so rare as to be like Dr. Johnson’s comparison of a woman preaching to a dog walking on its hind legs: the surprise is that it is done at all.
The plain fact is that the physical structure of the human being is a joke in itself: a flat, crude, unanswerable disproof of any nonsense about “intelligent design.” The reproductive and eliminating functions (the closeness of which is the origin of all obscenity) were obviously wired together in hell by some subcommittee that was giggling cruelly as it went about its work.
(“Think they’d wear this? Well, they’re gonna have to.”) The resulting confusion is the source of perhaps 50 percent of all humor. Filth. That’s what the customers want, as we occasional stand-up performers all know. Filth, and plenty of it. Filth in lavish, heaping quantities. And there’s another principle that helps exclude the fair sex. “Men obviously like gross stuff,” says Fran Lebowitz. “Why? Because it’s childish.” Keep your eye on that last word. Women’s appetite for talk about that fine product known as Depend is limited. So is their relish for gags about premature ejaculation. (“Premature for whom?” as a friend of mine indignantly demands to know.) But “child” is the key word. For women, reproduction is, if not the only thing, certainly the main thing. Apart from giving them a very different attitude to filth and embarrassment, it also imbues them with the kind of seriousness and solemnity at which men can only goggle. This womanly seriousness was well caught by Rudyard Kipling in his poem “The Female of the Species.
” After cleverly noticing that with the male “mirth obscene diverts his anger”—which is true of most work on that great masculine equivalent to childbirth, which is warfare—Kipling insists:
But the Woman that God gave him,
every fibre of her frame
Proves her launched for one sole issue,
armed and engined for the same,
And to serve that single issue,
lest the generations fail,
The female of the species must be
deadlier than the male.
The word “issue” there, which we so pathetically misuse, is restored to its proper meaning of childbirth. As Kipling continues:
She who faces Death by torture for
each life beneath her breast
May not deal in doubt or pity—must
not swerve for fact or jest.
Men are overawed, not to say terrified, by the ability of women to produce babies. (Asked by a lady intellectual to summarize the differences between the sexes, another bishop responded, “Madam, I cannot conceive.
”) It gives women an unchallengeable authority. And one of the earliest origins of humor that we know about is its role in the mockery of authority. Irony itself has been called “the glory of slaves.” So you could argue that when men get together to be funny and do not expect women to be there, or in on the joke, they are really playing truant and implicitly conceding who is really the boss.
The ancient annual festivities of Saturnalia, where the slaves would play master, were a temporary release from bossdom. A whole tranche of subversive male humor likewise depends on the notion that women are not really the boss, but are mere objects and victims. Kipling saw through this:
So it comes that Man, the coward,
when he gathers to confer
With his fellow-braves in council,
dare not leave a place for her.
In other words, for women the question of funniness is essentially a secondary one. They are innately aware of a higher calling that is no laughing matter.
Whereas with a man you may freely say of him that he is lousy in the sack, or a bad driver, or an inefficient worker, and still wound him less deeply than you would if you accused him of being deficient in the humor department.
Why Men Don’t Like Funny Women
Health
Why people tend to appreciate men’s humor so much more than women’s
By Olga KhazanJohn Rowley / Ocean / CorbisThis article was featured in One Story to Read Today, a newsletter in which our editors recommend a single must-read from The Atlantic, Monday through Friday. Sign up for it here.
A few years ago, Laura Mickes was teaching her regular undergraduate class on childhood psychological disorders at the University of California, San Diego. It was a weighty subject, so occasionally she would inject a sarcastic comment about her own upbringing to lighten the mood.
When she collected her professor evaluations at the end of the year, she was startled by one comment in particular:
“She’s not funny,” the student wrote.
Mickes realized that university students didn’t seem to welcome, or even notice, the wit of many of her female colleagues. She’s not the only one. A recent graphic made by Ben Schmidt, an assistant professor of history at Northeastern University, analyzed the words used to describe male and female professors across 14 million reviews on RateMyProfessor.com. In every single discipline, male professors were far more likely than female ones to be described as funny.
“I thought, ‘maybe I’m not that funny,’” Mickes said. “But people say I'm funny. I have a great time with my female friends.”
Mickes’s story triggered the familiar shot/chaser of recognition and unease in me. I come from the kind of family that deals with minor adversity by making relentless fun of the petty tyrants responsible. (Major adversity, we smother in smoked meats.
) Given three adjectives to describe me, most of my female friends would list “funny” as one of them. But I maybe make a man laugh once every other month.
On one hand, we live in the golden age of female comedy. Tina Fey, Lena Dunham, Mindy Kaling, Abbi Jacobson, Ilana Glazer, and their ilk certainly aren’t the first women to have wildly popular TV shows based entirely around their own funniness. But they might be some of the first to do it with fearless jokes about their vaginas. Next year, Amy Schumer will be the first female comedian to headline Madison Square Garden.
Women, suffice it to say, are funny. On the other hand, happy hours during which one man holds forth to a gaggle of raptly amused female onlookers exist. Mickes’s year-end review exists. My deftly hilarious female friends exist, and many are eternally single. If men and women are clearly capable of being equally funny, why does humor by non-famous women so often go unappreciated?
* * *
In 2012, Mickes decided to see whether her student had a point.
(Or rather, “I decided to redirect my anger into something productive,” as she described it.)
A common way scientists measure funniness is by making undergrads—the typical guinea pigs for social-science research—play a version of The New Yorker cartoon-caption contest. For her study, Mickes asked 32 students to write captions for 20 New Yorker cartoons. The men were “pretty excited about the task,” but the women were more reluctant. “There was one female subject who came in, looked horrified and said, ‘Uh, but I’m not funny,’” she recalled.
After the students finished writing their quips, a new set of participants rated the captions. They found the men’s punch-lines to be ever-so-slightly more clever—about .11 points more on a five-point scale.
Read Follow-Up Notes
- The Gendered Language Students Use to Describe Professors
The difference was small, but still, Mickes was horrified by the results. “I thought ‘Forget it, I'm never going to do research again,’” she said.
Past research on gender and New Yorker cartoons had been mixed. In a 2011 study in the journal Intelligence, male participants also penned more amusing captions than women did. But in a study the year before, the men’s and women’s one-liners were equally droll.
Mickes’s study revealed another interesting difference: Men wrote some of the best jokes, but they also used more profanity and sexual humor, and those jokes weren’t rated very funny. If men were truly the funnier sex, though, wouldn’t they be more consistently funny?
In a later experiment, Mickes gave both male and female participants a list of random words, such as “beef jerky” and “water slide,” and asked them to write paragraphs using the words. Without prompting, the men wrote funny paragraphs. The women’s paragraphs were more creative and better-written, but they weren’t funny. However, a surprising thing happened when Mickes explicitly told the participants to try to be funny in their paragraphs: Both genders used humor, and in equal measure.
As in hockey, it appears, so in lols: You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take. The 2011 Intelligence study similarly found that men wrote more captions overall, both funny and lame. In other words, men make more attempts at humor, so they are successful more of the time.
“Men are willing to take more risks [in humor], and they also fail more miserably,” Gil Greengross, an evolutionary psychologist with Aberystwyth University in Wales and author of the 2011 study. But for the man, “it's worth it. If you fail and you're not funny, you lost maybe a few minutes. But if the person laughs, the benefit can be huge.”
Men make so many joke-attempts, in fact, they are assumed to be funnier—even when they’re not. After they had finished captioning, the students in Mickes’s study filled out a questionnaire about how funny they thought others would find their captions, and also whether they thought men or women were the funnier sex in general. Male participants said that, on a scale from one to five, their cartoons were an average of 2.
3 in funniness. The women gave themselves a 1.5. Even worse, 89 percent of the women and 94 percent of men responded that men, in general, are funnier.
In a follow-up experiment, Mickes asked a new set of participants to read the captions generated by the first group and guess the gender of the writer. Both men and women misattributed the funnier captions to male writers.
“Spontaneously, men somehow try harder,” she mused. “And maybe over time they're encouraged more to be funny.”
* * *
But why do men try so hard to make people laugh?
To get some, mostly. Not everyone endorses evolutionary psychology, but those who do would say that women tend to be more selective in choosing their mates than men are because historically, motherhood has been a life-threatening, all-consuming endeavor. If a cavewoman picked the wrong caveman, she might risk a grueling childbirth only to end up raising an illness-addled child without the help of a skillful mate.
Thus, choosiness becomes paramount. It behooves women to find a partner who will bestow sufficient time, resources, and good genes on their children—in other words, a smart man.
Funny people are more likely to be smart. (In one of the many New Yorker studies, the students who scored higher on intelligence tests also generated the funniest captions.) Humor “signals a kind of ability to put yourself in someone else's mind and understand what someone else will find funny,” David Buss, an evolutionary psychologist, explained. “It requires social intelligence, and it takes social verve or confidence.”
Since most people don’t go to bars with their completed Sudoku puzzles pinned to their chests, we rely on humor as a proxy for intelligence. On average, women tend to use their laughter to lure in potential mates, while men use their jokes to attract as many women as they can.
I know what you’re thinking. “But I, a man, desire women with a good sense of humor above all else!” #Notallmen.
For decades, this response stumped psychologists. When they would ask men and women what they looked for in their long-term partners, both genders would say they wanted someone “with a good sense of humor.” It was only when researchers pressed their subjects on what they meant, specifically, by “sense of humor,” that the sex difference became clear. Women want men who will tell jokes; men want women who will laugh at theirs.
In 2006, psychologists Eric Bressler and Sigal Balshine showed 210 college students images of two equally attractive members of the opposite sex. Underneath each photo, they pasted either funny or not-funny statements supposedly authored by the person. Female participants said they wanted the funny man, rather than the unfunny one, as a boyfriend, even when they thought the funnier man was less trustworthy. The men did not care about the women’s funniness either way.
In study later that year, Bressler and Balshine again found that, when considering imaginary interactions with people of the opposite sex, women said they wanted men who could make them laugh.
Men said it was much more important that a woman enjoy his jokes.
Liana Hone, a psychology postdoc at the University of Missouri, came to a similar conclusion in a study earlier this year: “Men prefer women who are receptive to their humor, whereas women prefer men who produce humor.” Hone gave her study participants an imaginary budget of $5 to “spend” on a trait they’d want in their sexual partners—either a knack for telling jokes or an ability to appreciate them. The more they “spent” on each trait, the more their partner would embody that characteristic. Women, she found, would spend just $1.91 on a mate who laughs at their jokes, but men would spend $3.03 on one.
Many men might contend, “I would love to have a girlfriend or wife who would make me laugh,” said Greengross, who reviewed Hone’s study. “But for men, that’s more of a luxury, not a necessity.”
These preferences aren’t exclusive to college students. Older studies of personal ads in magazines and newspapers found that women were far more likely than men to mention seeking someone funny.
Later, when researchers looked at profiles on a Canadian dating website, they found men were more likely to tout how funny they were, while women were likelier to say they wanted a funny man. In a 2007 study that asked 200,000 people in multiple countries to rank their preferred qualities in a mate, women ranked “humor” first. Men ranked it third.
If men try harder to be funny, women do their best to show their appreciation, laughing more enthusiastically and frequently in male company. One study found that when men and women are talking, the amount that the woman, but not the man, laughs can predict whether the pair wants to date each other. The neuroscientist Robert Provine once listened in on dozens of spontaneous conversations in public spaces and identified 1,200 distinct “laugh episodes.” He found that women laughed significantly more than men did, especially when a man was nearby.
When I learned all of this, I immediately ran into the living room and asked my boyfriend if it’s important to him that his sexual partners are funny.
“Apparently not,” he said.
Ouch! But also, that’s so funny! Ugh.
* * *
Once, a guy and I spent several months in romantic no-man’s land, trying to decide if we liked each other. My issue with him was that he took me out for dinner at a fancy place and only ordered chocolate milk. I thought his issue was that there was another girl.
I was wrong:
“I just don’t get you!” he exclaimed one day when we were on a walk. “You’re pretty, but you’re like … goofy. It makes no sense.”
The way men and women laugh and joke has been so different for so long that it’s hardened into a stark, oppressive social norm. Norm violators get punished, and often, that means funny women are punished, too.
In another dating-style study in 1998, about 100 college students were shown photos of people of the opposite sex along with transcripts of interviews supposedly conducted with those individuals. In the interviews, the photo subjects came off as either funny or bland.
For the women, a man’s use of humor in the interview increased his desirability. The women’s use of humor, meanwhile, didn’t make the men want to date them more—it actually made them slightly less alluring. That’s right: The men found the pretty, unfunny women more desirable than equally pretty ones who also happened to be funny.
It’s possible that men are indifferent to their partners’ funniness precisely because funny women are smarter. There’s some evidence that men are less attracted to women who are smarter than they are. In a study out this month in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, when men were introduced to women they were told had outperformed them on an intelligence test, they rated the woman as less attractive and were less likely to say they wanted to date her.
These biases have a chilling effect on women. The idea that women aren’t supposed to make jokes can trigger stereotype threat, a phenomenon in which simply telling someone that their “group” tends to be bad at something hinders that individual’s performance.
Told that their humor isn’t wanted, many women don’t bother.
A 2001 study that analyzed casual conversations among young people found that while men told more jokes and more successful jokes in mixed company, women told many more jokes when they were in all-female groups. “Evidently,” the researchers concluded, “women only joke when men are not around.”
* * *
Sara Benincasa is certifiably funny. She ascended the Internet-comedy scene in 2008, with a series of parody campaign-trail “vlogs” by Sarah Palin, whom Benincasa impersonated in a beehive hairdo, rectangular glasses, and “ooo-keeeys” straight out of Wasilla. More recently, she’s performed a one-woman show about agoraphobia and written several books, including a comedic novel, DC Trip, which came out this month.
She’s so talented, in fact, that I was a little nervous about emailing her to ask for an interview about her relationships. I said if she wanted she could use “pejorative pseudonyms” for her exes.
She responded with an encouraging “BWAHAHAH.” This made me think that I, too, am funny. Which, given the scientific literature, made me worry that I will die alone.
Benincasa said that when she was younger, in her teens and early 20s, she would soften her personality in order to please the men she was chasing romantically. She’d tell fewer jokes and laugh more heartily at theirs. Her friends would tell her that she acted differently around her boyfriends.
“I tried to play-act at being a woman,” she said. “This false me was always pretty and always ready for anything, and fun, and carefree. And the real me had a lot of things to say. The ‘me’ I created was not bold and outspoken. She was not very funny.”
Benincasa’s dating strategy changed after she became a comedian. “I had to be myself or the audience wouldn’t accept it,” she says. Her career now serves as a sort of man filter: Dudes know they’re getting a brash lady, and they’d better like it. Her current boyfriend, she notes, is also funny, and he loves her for her wisecracking.
Still, it’s depressing that for many women who aren’t professional comedians, the most valuable social currency is beauty—or worse, “being sweet.” In his infamous Vanity Fair piece about why women aren’t funny, Christopher Hitchens presents humor as an essential tool men can deploy to break a woman’s defenses:
If you can stimulate her to laughter … well, then, you have at least caused her to loosen up and to change her expression.
Women can also stimulate people to laughter—not just for the purpose Hitchens had in mind, but to make a new friend, or to make an old one feel better. To impress a boss or a boyfriend’s parents. To lean in, for cryin’ out loud. If funniness is an implement of power, women deserve access to it, too.
If we acknowledge that these prejudices exist—that men’s humor is encouraged at the expense of women’s—is there anything we can do about it? Buss is skeptical that human desire can be molded; that a stern PSA or even a shift in social mores could encourage men to seek out women who are witty rather than pretty.
Entrenched beliefs that are ugly and passé—like racism—persist even when people disavow them. Men’s desire to be the Kings of Relationship Comedy, meanwhile, isn’t even frowned upon.
Hone, from the University of Missouri, is more optimistic. If humankind decides that women’s natural zaniness should be set free, mankind should start to ask funnier women out for drinks. And women could stop dating men who don’t laugh at their jokes.
“Just because a trait has served an adaptive purpose does not mean we should accept it,” she said. “I like to think that there’s hope for all the funny, single ladies out there.”
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Jokes about women: 50+ jokes and pictures
Woman: Pixabay Woman is an emotional and expressive being. Her behavior can confuse or make you laugh. That is why jokes about women are very popular among connoisseurs of humor. In the selection you will find various jokes about women - funny and funny, short and long.
Read, choose the most original joke about girls and share with your friends.
Jokes about blonde girls
Do you like humor about women? Then you will definitely like subtle jokes about blonde women. People all over the world, regardless of nationality, social status, material wealth, make fun of their naivety, and sometimes outright stupidity. The funniest jokes about women with blond hair:
***
After visiting the ultrasound, the blonde wrote a complaint: “The doctor is not fulfilling his duties. During the examination, he constantly stared at the TV.
***
A blonde came to an interview for a secretary position. To the question: “How are you doing with excel?”, She answered:
- Well, for me, excel is big. I usually wear emoticons.
***
The blonde called her friend and says:
- I just baked a cake. Now I'm going to cremate him.
- Why burn the cake?
- I'm not going to burn it! Just cover with cream!
Jokes: Nur.
kz ***
A blonde is driving in a car, turns on the radio and hears:
— You are listening to the Europe Plus radio!
Blonde:
— God, how do they know everything?
***
A blonde girl meets a friend and angrily asks:
— Why did you advise to seal the windows in winter?
— What happened? Is it too hot in the house?
— No, it's getting dark!
***
Hello, dear. We need to meet urgently.
— Why such urgency?
— I have questions.
- I won't have any questions.
***
- I found a new test. It is called "10 with a tail."
- This is an IQ test.
— Oh, interesting. You have to go through it.
- Not worth it.
***
The blonde is interested in:
- Well, when will I get my license?
Driving instructor, swimming to shore:
Never!
***
- Can you imagine, I just saw a girl trying to get to the 12th floor by pressing 2 buttons - 1 and 2!
Haha! Stupid! So after all, you will only get to the third floor!
***
A blonde boasts to her husband:
— Hot water will be turned off from tomorrow.
But I’m smart and thrifty with you - I poured hot water into 30 buckets. Just enough hot water for a month, and there will be no need to heat.
***
Blonde girl in the store:
— Give me two laces, please.
Saleswoman:
— Which ones should I give you?
Blonde, rolling her eyes:
- Right and left, of course.
***
Blonde in the store:
- Oh, what a fur coat! What is it made of?
- It's artificial.
— From a bush or something?!
***
Two blonde girlfriends are driving in a car. Suddenly the car stalls and stops. One of the other says:
- Lena, maybe we ran out of gas?
— Impossible! We put a full canister of gasoline in the trunk 10 minutes ago.
Jokes: Nur.kzJokes about girls behind the wheel
A woman has long ceased to perform only the role of wife, mother and housewife.
All over the world, until recently, girls have been doing purely masculine things: building a career, earning money, driving a car. But the woman behind the wheel is often the butt of jokes.
Jokes about a girl who creates emergency situations on the road are familiar to almost everyone. We have selected the most interesting jokes about female motorists:
***
French town. Near the traffic light, where the red light is on, the car stops. A woman is driving a car. The traffic light switches to yellow... to green... back to red. The car is in place. A policeman comes up to the driver and politely asks:
— Does Madam prefer any other color?
Jokes: Nur.kz***
Two friends are driving in a car. The passenger says:
- Lena, drive slowly! Everything flashes before my eyes.
- Do as I do. Just close your eyes!
***
A man complains to his friend:
— This is the end, I lost my car!
— What happened? Got in an accident?
— No.
My wife's license was given!
***
A conversation between two friends:
— My Lucy at the wheel is just lightning!
— What, does he drive very fast?
- No. She always gets into trees!
***
- This man is strange. What is he, a suicide? the wife says to her husband. - She's been running in front of our car for 20 minutes already...
My husband is hysterical:
- Pull off the sidewalk, crazy!
***
Police stop a car driven by a girl. The policeman addresses the violator:
- You have exceeded the speed limit, you will pay a fine.
— Oh, no, please. It’s just that today is my first day behind the wheel and I want to get home as soon as possible so as not to have time to crush anyone!
***
The girl behind the wheel tries to park. Shifts into reverse, hits the gas.
.. BOOM! Hits a parked car from behind. Then he turns on the first speed - from all over he crashes into the car in front. A police officer approaches the violator:
- Girl! Are you parking by ear?
A woman's appearance: jokes
Jokes for women are different. Very often, the reason for jokes is the appearance, as well as the efforts that girls make in pursuit of a ghostly ideal.
We offer you to read the funniest things about women - jokes about a woman and a mirror, the desire to lose weight, diets, cosmetics and more. Here are interesting jokes about girls and their appearance:
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For a long time I could not understand how my wife could be on a strict diet for months. And then one day I noticed her nightstand with cosmetic accessories: hand cream - nourishing, foot cream - nourishing, face cream - nourishing ... Yes, she, like a unicellular, absorbs food with the entire surface of the body.
Jokes: Instagram/nogotochie***
- Honey, you can't eat at night .
..
- This is a kefir diet.
— But you drink kefir with shawarma, chocolate waffles and cake!
- This. Kefir. Diet.
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— Dear, are you not afraid when I am without makeup?
- To be honest, Valyusha, I'm afraid of you even with cosmetics!
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Before the wedding, she always had a lot of makeup on her face, so I thought she was very beautiful. Now I know her as flaky...
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Mom gave her little daughter a Little Fairy cosmetic set.
The husband looked and gave out:
- What kind of cosmetics do you take for yourself? "Experienced witch"?
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Decided not to eat tonight and only allowed myself a piece of cheese. But with some fright, a kilogram of boiled pasta accidentally turned out to be under it.
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Women's makeup often hides imperfections in the face and exposes imperfections in the brain.
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Why do some women not understand that cosmetics should be used to emphasize beauty, and not try to create it?
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“I’m powerless here…” Cosmetics sighed.
“Problematic…” said Fitness.
- Don't worry, we'll break through! Vodka said.
Jokes: Nur.kzJokes about girls: women's logic
Many men sincerely believe that women lack logic. But women claim the opposite: their logic is the most correct, although sometimes it contradicts the general laws of nature. We offer you to read very interesting jokes on this subject:
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If a woman doesn't like you, she will say that she has a man, even if she doesn't have one. And if he liked it, he will say that he is not there, even if he is.
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Girls' logic: “Because I decided so! And why I decided so, I have not decided yet!
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Lena called her ex-boyfriend for the hundredth time only to remind her that she was no longer going to run after him.
That's what a woman's pride means!
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No, female logic is invincible! Man offline? So, with some woman! A man is on the Internet, but he does not write to you? Some woman is writing! A man on the web and wrote to you that he loves? He's lying, probably now with some woman!
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I called my ex on the phone and heard from him: “What a bitch you are!”
Thought with emotion: “I didn’t forget... I remember...”
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— Girl, how old are you?
- 18 years... and 30 winters.
Jokes: Nur.kzShort jokes about women
Jokes about women are a separate kind of humorous art. Short jokes about women are especially popular among connoisseurs of jokes. We present you the most fun jokes about girls, consisting of one capacious phrase:
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The life of evil - either you fall in love with a goat, or you don't get married at all.
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I put cookies three meters from the bed, so at least I walk.
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End quickly: money, vacation, youth, health, optimism, beauty and men after 60…
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waiting at the door of the store for the hostess.
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The happiest ten years in a woman's life are the years between twenty-eight and thirty.
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In a woman, two such incompatible concepts as "bad girl's memory" and "I will never forget this" coexist peacefully in a woman.
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A woman in the family as an interpreter: she understands baby talk and drunken nonsense.
Jokes about women: black humor
Very often women also become objects of so-called black jokes. Jokes about the fair sex in the style of black humor are very popular and cause unbridled laughter. Choose your favorite joke about women from our funny selection:
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Two friends:
- Masha, how does the spiral work?
- Well, how - imagine: a sperm runs in a spiral .
.. runs, dizzy, fell - died.
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X-ray showed that Lena literally understood the phrase "Take two teaspoons a day."
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If Palmolive cosmetics are made from palm and olive oil, what are Kaloderma cosmetics made from?
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My girlfriend's dog died, and to cheer her up, I found and brought her the exact same one. She burst into tears and asked me: “Why do I need two dead dogs?”
For everyone who loves jokes about women , we have selected the most interesting jokes - funny, funny and original. The selection contains jokes about different areas of women's lives, about their way of thinking, mental abilities, appearance.
Original article: https://www.nur.kz/leisure/entertainment/1848219-prikoly-pro-zensin-50-anekdotov-kartinki-video/
The best jokes about women and girls
Attention! This text is not intended to offend the social group "women".
We inform you that some of the MAXIM journalists also have acquaintances and even female friends. Moreover, some of them are women themselves (we do not know how it happened).
A girl becomes a woman when she says for the first time: "This is a good package, don't throw it away."
Woman, be decisive! I liked the man - she brought home, sliced bread, poured borscht, a hundred grams to him ... And immediately ask:
— What will you have for breakfast?
A woman does not get a year older - she becomes a year more dangerous!
Note to women. When a man says "All is well", it means that all is well.
The body temperature of women is approximately 0.5 degrees higher than that of men. It turns out that women are a heated floor.
Why do women wear skirts and men wear trousers? After all, it is anatomically more convenient vice versa.
Thousands of women daily suffer domestic impotence from their husbands!
An experienced woman is a woman who knows how to pretend to be inexperienced.
Never make women angry. They remember even things that haven't happened yet.
- I think my wife wants to divorce me.
- Why do you think so?
- Yesterday she brought her friend to us.
— So what?
— Like what? You have no idea how beautiful this is!
I found that all men swim and women bathe because men wear swimming trunks and women swimsuits.
It is completely unclear how to behave with girls who do not like clowns and gouging.
A man and a woman could make eye contact more often if not for the chest.
A mother-in-law is the mother of an ideal woman who is unlucky with her husband.
Before, when there were no notifications on social networks, girls had to do curls so that people would know about their birthday. It was hard time.
Note to the hostess. Apologizing to guests for not cleaning is many times easier than cleaning up.
It's hard to be a woman.
You spend years perfecting yourself to please the perfect man, and then years looking for a man who is at least normal.
About men, of course, we have a separate outstanding collection of jokes.
Why are books on cosmetics and psychology popular among women, and books on physics among men?
Ladies are often dissatisfied with themselves and try to change themselves. And men are satisfied with themselves, the Universe does not suit them.
— Before marriage, my wife was the most beautiful woman on the planet!
— Mine was also jinxed at the registry office…
My husband supports me in any undertakings. He says: "Do whatever you want, just get off!"
I am looking for a future husband, but very slowly. From the outside, it looks like I'm eating candy and crying.
It's simple for us women. If a man is good, then he will be a friend. If a goat, then this is the love of a lifetime.
Neighbors called Oksana's apartment the Vatican, because every week a new pope came out to smoke on her balcony.
If you suddenly feel bored at dinner, in the middle of a conversation on abstract topics, look your husband straight in the eye and ask: “Who is Lena?”
The most crazy ad I've ever seen is an ad for panty liners. There is a girl with her period at a party that beats off a guy from other girls. Sorry guy.
If Vika were a man, they would say that she has a character and an inner core. But she is a woman, so they call her a bitch.
A woman who ordered the "Husband for an Hour" service to repair electrical wiring became a widow in forty minutes.
If at the beginning of the series an ordinary girl from Zadrischensk comes to the capital and accidentally meets some millionaire, then in the end they will either get married, or he will turn out to be her real father.
Nothing can be done, these are the inexorable realities of our life.
Dear blondes! Road signs are not limited to black and red cars.
I first saw my third husband when he was judging the second one for crushing my first one.
Finding a man to forget another man is like taking out a loan to pay off another loan.
— Oleg, Katya really trusts you!
- Why else?
- She does not draw in her stomach in front of you.
It is easier to persuade a woman who does not agree to anything than to dissuade a woman who agrees to everything.
Only in a single case does a woman listen attentively to her man: when he is talking on the phone, and she does not know with whom.
— Why are you not married?
- Well, you see, I'm still at such an age that it's too late to look for a prince, it's too early to marry the first person you meet.
A girl who does not come on a date can only spoil your mood, a girl who comes can ruin your whole life.
If after a long celebration of the New Year you got on the scales and your mood improved, then you are a witch.
— You are the most jealous woman I know!
- Yeah! So you have a lot of women!
Cosmetologist's advice. For velvety facial skin and shiny hair, a woman needs not to work.
- My wife looks like a Terminator.
- Is it so bad or as ugly as Schwarzenegger?
- No, it just constantly requires new clothes and a car.
Dear! You are like a belyash from the station: hot, juicy and dangerous!
If a woman looks rumpled in the morning, it means that she was stroked all night.
The brunette returned from a business trip, took the meter readings and realized that all this time her husband had not spent the night at home.
It is better not to touch a bored woman. It is not known that she bored herself there.
I used to live alone, and all my things were lying around in their places. Now I have a girlfriend, and all my things are neat and beautiful no one knows where.
— Man, are you married?
- Yes.
Strong?
- No.
If you have no money, women are not afraid of you.
— Men, I'm wildly sorry... Can you tell me what I'm doing tonight?
— Masha, why don't you ever take me to a resort with you?
- I don't go to the resort with married people.
- I'm your husband!
- No exceptions!
And I gave the best three days of my life to this man!
Everything seemed to be going well: I got a job, bought a car, paid off the mortgage, saved up money for Thailand, and bam! — and 60 years!
On one issue, men and women certainly agree with each other: both do not trust women.
Waking up, Natasha decided that next Monday she would definitely start waiting for a guy from the army.
Do you know why they try not to launch women into space? To avoid scenarios like: "Earth, we have problems!" - "What kind?" “Just don’t say that you don’t understand what I mean!”
Women, keep it simple! If you like a man, you need to go up to him and say: "I liked you.
