How to really relax

Easy Ways to Relax, Recharge, and Vanquish Stress

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There’s no doubt that today’s modern lifestyle can be stressful. Between work, family, and social obligations, it can be hard to make time for yourself. But it’s important to find the time.

Relaxing can help keep you healthy, in both your body and mind, helping you recover from the everyday stresses that life throws at you. Luckily, no matter how busy you are, it’s simple to learn how to create time for chilling and also how to best relax.

When it comes to relaxation strategies, the easier the better! If you can find five minutes of your day for yourself, you can easily slip in a simple relaxation strategy. Here are some easy ways to help relax:

Breathe it out. Breathing exercises are one of the simplest relaxation strategies, and can effectively calm your stressed-out body and mind anywhere at any time. Sit or lay down in a quiet and safe place such as on your bed or the floor in your home and put one of your hands on your belly. Breathe in to a slow count of three, and then breathe out to the same slow count of three. Feel your belly rise and fall as you breathe in and out. Repeat five times, or as long as you need to feel relaxed.
Release physical tension. When we feel mentally stressed, we often feel physically stressed as well. Releasing any physical tension can help relieve stress in your body and mind. Lay on a soft surface, such as your bed, a carpet, or a yoga mat. Tense up one part of your body at a time, and then slowly release your muscles. As you do this, notice how your body sensations change. Many people start either with the muscles in their face or those their toes, and then work their way through the muscles across their bodies to the opposite end. Shop for a yoga mat
Write down your thoughts. Getting things off your mind by writing them down may help you relax. When you feel stressed, take a few minutes to write down some short notes about how you’re feeling or how your day is going. You might do this in a notebook or in a notes app on your smartphone. Don’t worry about being poetic or spelling everything correctly. Just focus on expressing yourself to help release some of your stress. Shop for a journal
Make a list. Making a list about what you’re grateful for can help some people feel relaxed. Experts say that when we’re stressed, we tend to focus on the negative parts of life rather than the positive. Thinking about the positive parts of your life and writing them down may help you chill out. Try to think of three good things that happened to you today and write them down, even if they’re small things like getting to work on time or eating a delicious lunch. Shop for a gratitude book
Visualize your calm. Have you ever heard the expression “find your happy place”? Sit in a quiet and safe place, such as your bedroom, and begin to think about a place in the world where you feel most calm. Close your eyes and imagine all the details linked to that place: the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and tactile feelings. For example, if you think of the beach, you might imagine calm waves, the sound of children playing in the sand, the smell of sunscreen, the taste of cool ice cream and the feel of gritty sand under your feet. The more you get into your visualization, the more you can relax.
Connect to nature. Spending just a few minutes in nature when you feel stressed may help you relax. When you’re feeling stressed, take a step outside and go for a short walk, or simply sit in nature. But you don’t necessarily need to be in nature to feel its stress-reducing effects. Scientists have found that simply looking at images of nature with greenery for five minutes on a computer screen can help calm you down. So, thanks to technology, even people living and working in big cities far from nature can still experience its calming effects. Shop for nature sounds

Relaxation isn’t just for adults: It’s important for kids and teens too. If you sense your child needs to relax, help him or her through these exercises. Better yet, get involved in these easy relaxation exercises with your child. This can help encourage self-regulation and relaxing behavior in your child.

There are many benefits to keeping your brain and body relaxed. Relaxation balances out the negative mental and physical effects of stress that we all experience every day.

Positive effects of relaxation
the ability to think more clearly and make better decisions
the power to better resist future stressors
a more positive outlook on life and your experiences
a healthier body, with a slower breathing rate, more relaxed muscles, and reduced blood pressure
a reduced risk of heart attack, autoimmune disease, mental health disorders, and other stress-related illnesses

Children who are encouraged to take up relaxing behaviors tend to be better focused and have an easier time learning than children who are more stressed. They may also be more cooperative and experience fewer social and behavioral issues in school.

Stress is a part of everyday life. It can be a helpful thing that motivates people to act, and can even save your life in a dangerous situation. Most stresses we experience are small, like getting caught in traffic on the way to a party or losing an earring on the train to work.

The same helpful “fight-or-flight” instincts we get from these small stressful events in our life can backfire on us if we don’t take time to relax. Relaxation doesn’t just feel good, it’s also important for good health.

Stress from work, family, social obligations, and even exercise will wear you out over time if you don’t set aside time to relax. Some of the negative effects of not relaxing enough include:

Risks of too much stress
frequent headaches and pain throughout the body
sleeping problems, such as insomnia or nightmares
forgetfulness and confusion
chest pain and heart problems
stress-related illness
increased or decreased appetite, often with weight gain or loss
social isolation and loneliness
increased use of drugs, tobacco, and alcohol
crying spells and feelings of depression, sometimes with thoughts of suicide
loss of interest in punctuality and appearance
increased irritability and overreaction to small annoyances
poor performance at work or in school

Stress may be a universal part of life, but that doesn’t mean you should let it get the best of you. Take charge and control your stress by learning how to relax.

Reach for a simple relaxation exercise when you feel stressed, and encourage your child to do the same if you notice they’re feeling stressed out. Even if you don’t feel very stressed, practicing relaxation exercises daily can be a good preventative measure for keeping stress away in the first place.

If relaxation exercises are not helping reduce your stress, you should seek the help of a mental health professional. They’ll be able to recommend a specific treatment plan suited to your needs.

Call 911 or the toll-free National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) if you’re having thoughts of suicide.

How to Relax When It Feels Impossible

Health

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Mental Health

Is anyone relaxing these days?

By Anna Borges

August 20, 2020

Ksenia Shokorova/Adobe Stock

You probably don’t need anyone to tell you that rest and relaxation are important, but have you ever put thought into how to relax? It might feel like a weird question, given that rest can seem deceptively straightforward, but hear me out. Plenty of things can get in the way of restful, restorative downtime, and the truth is, a lot of us aren’t great at relaxing in practice. It’s a skill worth refining, though—we all need ways to recuperate from the many stressors of the world for the sake of our mental health.

“We all need more rest than we think, especially now,” Jor-El Caraballo, L.M.H.C., therapist and cofounder of Brooklyn-based therapy practice Viva Wellness, tells SELF. “We have barely scratched the surface of the psychological toll of 2020, so however much rest you think you need is probably not enough.”

If you’re thinking that sounds great in theory but have no idea how to implement it, don’t worry. For many, relaxing is easier said than done, but we’ve got some tips on how to make your rest time, well, feel like rest. Read on for some helpful tips on how to relax.

1. Know what actually relaxes you.

It might sound obvious, but tons of people aren’t very discerning or creative about how they spend their downtime. “People often think they’re resting when they’re really not,” clinical psychologist Ryan Howes, Ph.D., tells SELF.

For example, maybe you tend to count scrolling through Twitter for a couple of hours as relaxation. That might be restful to some people, but for many, it’s more stressful than anything. Or maybe you force yourself to do things that you’ve heard are supposed to be relaxing—like meditating, napping, or taking a bubble bath—when you actually find them super boring or unhelpful. Relaxation isn’t one-size-fits-all.

To start to figure out what rest means to you, you might want to reframe how you think about it in the first place. “Relaxation is not one activity—it’s the outcome of any activity,” says Caraballo. And which activities lead to relaxation will depend on you. Explore hobbies, different types of physical activity, various means of socializing, self-care practices, and more. Then pay attention. “Ask yourself, ‘How do I feel after doing this? Do I feel grounded? Do I feel stable? Do I feel at ease?’ If so, maybe that’s something that can be on your list as a way to rest from the world,” says Caraballo. “And if not, maybe you need to try something else.”

If you find that your go-to relaxation activities aren’t actually relaxing and you’re blanking on what else to try, you might have to go back to the drawing board and start experimenting. That’s okay. “Start small,” says Caraballo. “Like, so small that you think it’s absurd. Literally sit for 30 seconds. Do one deep-breathing exercise a day.” Go from there.

2. Be intentional about your rest time.

Intentionality is kind of the golden rule of rest. In order for relaxation to be effective, you have to commit to it. “Six hours of half-assed relaxing is not as good as two hours of focused, intentional relaxing,” says Howes. The truth is, we half-ass our rest all the time. We get distracted by email or social media. We turn our hobbies into side hustles and drain them of joy. We spend our rest time thinking about our to-do lists. We leave ourselves open to distractions or wander aimlessly between activities because we don’t actually know what we want. Instead, try getting in the habit of telling yourself, “Okay, it’s time to relax,” and really knowing what that means.

3. Schedule rest time and be generous about it.

When we don’t schedule things, we tend to make decisions based on how we’re feeling at any given moment. And while that can work for rest sometimes (like when you’re having a hard day and decide to reschedule your plans so you can have a quiet night in), other times it works against us. If you wait for the mood to strike or until you feel like you “deserve” to relax (more on that later), you won’t rest nearly enough. You have to carve it out on your schedule—even if it’s just 15-minute bubbles here and there.

The most important part of scheduling rest: Be honest about what you want and need. You don’t want to use scheduling as a tool to try to restrict yourself; use it to protect your time. For example, if you know in your heart of hearts you really want a whole day on the couch doing nothing but marathoning your favorite comforting TV show, give yourself permission to do just that from the get-go. Don’t block off an hour of time in hopes it’ll magically make you need less time unwinding and then beat yourself up when you inevitably press “Next Episode” over and over, anyway.

4. Enjoy pockets of relaxation throughout your week.

Speaking of restricting yourself, it’s easy to fall into an all-or-nothing mentality around rest. Maybe you push yourself too hard during the week and only rest on weekends. Or maybe you tell yourself you don’t have the time or bandwidth or resources to rest “properly” so you don’t do it at all. When we do that, not only do we run the risk of burning out and rendering rest less effective overall, but we also wind up turning to activities that aren’t restful so much as numbing.

Take, for example, watching TV or playing video games. They’re both awesome relaxing activities I love, but sometimes I wind up feeling guilty instead of really enjoying them. Why? Because I avoid them during periods I need to be productive, then get sucked in for hours when I finally have a chance to plug in.

According to Caraballo, that sort of restrictive behavior actually works against our rest. “When you don’t have smaller moments more regularly, you can fall into binges,” he says. And given that for many, binges of all sorts can come with guilt, shame, and other emotions that impact our ability to really relax, it’s a lot more effective to build relaxation into your schedule regularly. So try sprinkling some of the activities you usually save for the weekend throughout the week instead and see how that works for you.

5. Establish a ritual to get in the mood.

This is especially important for those of us who are working from home. When we work from home, the lines between work and personal life can become blurry because we don’t have the usual routines that help signal the beginning and end of the workday. For example, we don’t have a commute or the act of physically leaving the office. It might not seem like a huge deal, but those rituals are actually super helpful when it comes to telling your brain it’s time to get out of work mode and into rest mode.

6. Learn skills for managing your emotions and negative self-talk.

A lot of potent emotions can get in the way of rest, from anxiety to guilt. Even if you’re physically doing an activity that usually relaxes you, if your mind isn’t on board, it’s not going to be as impactful. You have to tackle the mental side of things, and a lot of the time that looks like brushing up on coping skills and therapeutic tools that can help put you in a mindset to relax.

If you have a hard time disengaging from strong emotions like anger and frustration (maybe from a long workday) or general sadness or distress (maybe from, IDK, the whole world around us), try these emotional regulation skills. If you tend to beat yourself up for resting because you feel guilty or undeserving, try this RAIN meditation for self-compassion. If you can’t unwind due to anxious thought spirals and existential dread, try these tips for reframing anxious thoughts or these grounding exercises. Then keep these skills in mind as possible ways to tackle the next few tips too.

7. Don’t force yourself to earn rest.

Confession: I fall into this trap a lot, and I know I’m not alone. Too often I have a hard time unwinding because of unfinished work, chores, and other obligations hanging over my head, so I tell myself the fix is to frame rest as a reward. Just finish your to-do list before you relax, I tell myself. That way you can enjoy it more! Makes sense in theory, but guess what? Our to-do lists are rarely completely finished, and making rules around when we’ve “earned” a break is an easy way to work too much and rest too little.

Plus, thinking this way can also ruin the rare times you do rest because guilt and distraction will inevitably creep in. When you decide that rest is something you must earn, it’s really, really difficult to feel “deserving” of it.

So instead of thinking of rest as a luxury that you only deserve after an accomplishment, try reminding yourself rest is necessary. “It’s not about deserving—you need rest,” says Caraballo. “Our brains need downtime. Biologically, physiologically, rest is a necessity.”

8. That said, you can remind yourself how rest supports your work.

As much as I want to say that rest is important for its own sake because it’s necessary and enjoyable, I also can’t deny that it supports our ability to keep up on our responsibilities in the long run. It’s okay to use that as motivation, especially if you have a hard time allowing yourself to step away from work or other obligations for some downtime. “Not everything needs to serve productivity, but the truth is, you’re going to perform better when you’re well rested and have some gas in the tank,” says Howes. If telling yourself that helps you feel less guilty and distracted during your downtime, so be it.

9. Adjust your expectations.

We put a lot of pressure on relaxation these days. It’s supposed to be our reprieve from the scary world, the trenches of capitalism, the grip of burnout. When we put so much pressure on rest to leave us feeling magically restored from all that, it actually has the opposite effect. Because really that just means putting pressure on ourselves.

“Because of the society that we live in, there’s very much a strong push to take care of yourself,” says Caraballo. “Especially now. It’s like, ‘You must take care of yourself. It’s your responsibility to take care of yourself. You’re a fool if you don’t take care of yourself.’ But that creates a lot of pressure for people and a lot of anxiety around rest.”

Instead, take relaxation one day at a time. “We have to be realistic about what rest is,” says Howes. “We have to recognize that relaxation isn’t the absence of stressors—it’s about creating moments when you’re putting your stressors temporarily on hold and setting boundaries so you don’t have to engage with everything on your plate.”

10. Ask for help.

Your inability to chill out and rest might be more complicated than you’d expect, according to Caraballo. Whenever his clients say they have a difficult time relaxing, he tends to do a bit of an audit, asking questions to help dig into the relationship they have with rest. Turns out, a lot of us get messages about rest, directly or indirectly, from the world around us and at home. Hustle culture and capitalism are obvious examples of this, but others might be more personal.

“For example, someone will say, ‘I come from an immigrant family, and my parents were working-class when they arrived to this country,’ and I’m like, ‘Okay, so maybe you got a lot of messages about what it means to be a citizen here and what it means to be productive,’” says Caraballo. “It gives us a place to start.”

That’s only one example, but the point is, chatting with a therapist can go a long way in helping you learn how to relax. “Not knowing where your trouble is coming from is a barrier to finding out what will work for you,” says Caraballo. “We’re here to help provide insight.” If you don’t already have a therapist to talk to, start with these tips for finding an affordable one.

11. Lastly, be kind to yourself.

Intentionally optimizing rest so it’s as effective as possible is a worthy endeavor for a lot of reasons—but also, it shouldn’t be an added source of stress or something you pressure yourself to do all the time. There are going to be days when negative thoughts and guilt creep in or when you opt for numbing out or escapism instead of something you know works better. In fact, there are probably going to be a lot of days like that, and it’s okay.

“I think the best thing that we can do is not get tied up in doing rest perfectly or having the perfect relationship with rest,” says Caraballo. “Instead, be gentle and patient with yourself and understand it’s an ongoing challenge.”

Related:

9 Self-Care Tips That Require Little to No Effort
7 Ways I Stay Alert and Productive Throughout the Day, Even With Brain Fog
9 Smart Tips for Taking a Mental Health Day That Actually Works

Anna Borges is a writer and a former senior health editor at SELF. She's the author of the book The More or Less Definitive Guide to Self-Care and can be found writing around the internet about mental, emotional, and sexual health. (Most importantly, she's also a Virgo sun, Aquarius moon,. .. Read more

SELF does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional.

Topicsmental healthself-carerelaxationstress

7 effective ways to quickly relax

Health

Frame from the film "Pretty Woman"

Author Natalya Germanovich

January 08, 2021

Often, even during the New Year holidays, we remain in suspense, which we relieve with alcohol, social networks or TV shows until the morning. We tell you how to learn to deeply relax with health benefits. Start on holidays and practice throughout the year

Why is it important to rest and relax properly? Among the health benefits, doctors note a decrease in blood pressure, improved digestion, maintenance of normal blood sugar levels, reduced activity of stress hormones, improved sleep concentration and mood [1].

There are many techniques to relieve stress. We have selected the most effective and accessible to almost everyone.

1. Magnesium sulfate baths

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Salt has a positive effect not only on health, but also on skin and hair. The substance consists of magnesium, sulfur, water and oxygen. Together, these elements have a positive effect on the body: they improve sleep and memory, and help the nervous system [2].

After such a bath, a person feels not only relaxation, but also physical and emotional lightness. Doctors often prescribe magnesium baths for those who are subject to frequent stress and emotional stress. 0.5-1 kg of salt must be dissolved in water at a temperature of 36-38°C. The bath should be taken in a sitting position for 15-20 minutes, and then rinsed. Before the procedure, you should carefully read the list of contraindications. The bath is not advised to take with varicose veins, allergies, high intracranial pressure and skin diseases.

2. Initial set of tai chi exercises

Initially, tai chi is considered a type of wushu, a Chinese martial art. However, now this practice is used as a recreational gymnastics by people of all ages. The peculiarity of the initial set of exercises is slow movements that are not characteristic of us in ordinary life. Due to this, the body experiences tension, the muscles work, but the person does not feel an intense load. It is through this effect that relaxation is achieved, which appears at the end of the workout. The main secret of the initial course of tai chi is to keep your back straight, breathe through your nose and allow the body to take postures. The followers of this school call such exercises "meditation in motion", when a person releases consciousness and focuses only on the sensations of the body. What matters in practice is not how accurately you perform the movements, but how regularly you use it. In the beginning, 5-10 minutes a day may be enough.

initial set of Tai Chi exercises

3. Self-massage

This exercise is suitable for those who, even during the holidays, cannot tear themselves away from the computer. In such cases, tension accumulates in the neck and shoulders. First you need to stretch, turning your head so that the muscles become more receptive to touch. Then, with your left hand, massage your right shoulder and neck strongly. Start with light circular motions, rubbing the muscles with your index and middle fingers. Finish with a firmer massage, squeezing the shoulder and neck muscles between your thumb and other fingers. Do the same with the left side of the neck and shoulder. Tilt your head to the left, feel for a point at the base of the skull and massage it in a circular motion, gradually going down to the shoulder. Repeat three times, then switch sides. If you have any pain in the body, before starting the practice, it is better to consult a specialist.

neck and shoulder self-massage

4. Art therapy

One of the laziest ways to relieve stress. However, you don't need to be able to draw. You can just buy or download a coloring book from the Internet, take felt-tip pens and remember your childhood. In fact, this simple practice allows you not only to disconnect from obsessive thoughts and problems, but also to develop both hemispheres of the brain. In parallel, you train the ability to focus and pay attention to details. If you want to draw something yourself, even better. The simplest technique is to start working with a pencil or brush without thinking. Let at first it will be some abstract figures, then the objects will begin to take shape. Then you can depict in detail some problem that worries you and draw it until you get tired. Thus, all the negative will be on paper, which can then simply be crumpled up and thrown away.

art therapy practice

5. Breathing techniques

You can also relax, get rid of anxiety and depressive symptoms with the help of breathing [3]. The Sama Vritti Pranayama exercise aims to produce equally long inhalations and exhalations so that you feel the air circulating inside your body. With a uniform score, this is somewhere between a three and a five, inclusive. The main thing is that you are comfortable.

Choosing a comfortable sitting position. We breathe through the nose. And we start counting so that inhalation and exhalation end with the same number. You can complicate the exercise a little and add a small pause at the end of each cycle. The exercise must be performed for at least five minutes. During the day, it can be repeated two or three more times.

breathing practice for relaxation

6. Meditation

Perhaps one of the most popular mental exercise techniques. It is used by idols of all generations: Paul McCartney, George Lucas, Moby and even Chuck Norris. The effect of this practice has been scientifically proven thousands of times. [4]

Studies show that the practice of meditation not only helps to cope with stress and anxiety, but even in some cases can be no less effective than antidepressants. On the Web you can find a large selection of different directions, including modern ones, without esoteric practices. To meditate, you need to sit in a quiet comfortable place and try to focus in the moment without getting involved in the thoughts that will come to mind. If you can’t do it yourself, you can use audio and video materials. For example, the Monterey Bay Marine Research Institute made a series of meditations with rare marine life. It allows you to relax while watching life at the bottom of the ocean, or you can close your eyes and perceive only sound.

meditation with marine life

7. Deep muscle relaxation

Tension in the body is one of the primary effects of stress and anxiety. This often leads to unpleasant responses from the whole body. The main goal of this relaxation practice is to make a person feel the difference between different muscle states and learn how to relax them faster. Get into a comfortable lying or sitting position. You will need to consistently tighten and relax the muscles of the whole body. For example, they strained the stomach for 5 seconds - let go, waited 15-20 seconds and moved on to the next muscle group. And so you need to work out the whole body.

deep muscle relaxation

See also: 7 quick ways to calm your nerves

How to relax in 5 minutes: a simple relaxation technique .

We need anxiety and stress to protect ourselves from danger. The brain evaluates the environment. If something threatens our safety, it puts the body into combat mode to fight and run. But most of the stressful situations we face every day don't kill us. Maybe we are arguing with colleagues, preparing for an exam, or going on a first date. Under such conditions, the reactions of the body only interfere, we are nervous and cannot concentrate on work, remember information or be creative.

Need to turn off the tension and relax. But how to do it if you are worried? The brain is overexcited, and the self-belief that everything is in order and you need to pull yourself together does not work.

Do not confuse relaxation and rest. No one bothers to sit and do nothing at the same time, but at the same time to worry and worry. So just a break in work will not help to relax and calm the nervous system.

The best option is to act from the side of the body, that is, to relax the muscles and remove the effects of stress. The brain will decide that since the body is calm, there is no danger, then you can calm down.

To do this, try the deep relaxation technique offered by ^{Relaxation technique / No Panic, a charitable organization called No Panic that helps people with anxiety and panic disorders.}

Start relaxing

To feel the effect of the first sessions, find a comfortable and quiet place where you will not be distracted for at least five minutes. It is better to work out the technique at home, in comfortable clothes, so that later you can repeat it in other conditions.

Turn off the music, turn off the lights if possible, and sit in a comfortable position. Breathe freely while exercising, do not hold your breath or try to breathe deeply. Think that you only need to relax, nothing else.

Feel the difference between tension and relaxation

To relax, you need to feel tension. Start with the hands. Clench your fists as hard as you can and count to 10. After that, relax your fists so that your fingers rest freely on your knees or on any other surface. Feel how your hands move differently when they are tense and relaxed, remember the moment of relaxation and leave your hands in a calm state.

Then you need to alternately tighten and relax the muscles in the whole body in the following order:

Forearms. Bend your elbows and try to bring your fists to your shoulders.
Muscles of the back of the arms. Extend your arms as far as you can.
Shoulders. Raise your shoulders towards your ears.
Neck. Tilt your head back.
Forehead Raise your eyebrows as if asking a question.
Eyelids. Close your eyes tightly.
Jaw. Clench your teeth.
Tongue and throat. Press the tongue on the palate.
Lips. Press your lips together tightly, as if holding something small with them.
Chest. Take a deep breath and hold your breath.
Stomach. Tighten your abs as if you were about to hit.
Hips and waist. Arch your back and squeeze your buttocks.
Legs. Straighten your legs and point your toes.

Tighten the muscles to the maximum for 10 seconds, and then relax them and listen to the difference in sensations.

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