How to know if someone is stressing you out

8 Signs A Toxic Friendship Is Stressing You Out & How To Deal With It

Toxic friends aren't always as obvious as a trio of scrunchie-wearing Heathers. And, I definitely don't recommend a Veronica Sawyer-inspired solution to ditching toxic friends. Before you get to that point — never get to that point — it's important to be aware of red flags that you're too stressed out by your toxic friend so you can cut the chord in a healthy way. "Toxic friends have a multitude of methods for causing damage: criticism, competition, deception, exclusion, gossip, bullying, resentment, manipulation, inconsistency, and insults just to name a few," Karen Riddell wrote for Psychology Today.

Despite their behavior, Riddell — who is writing a book about female friendships — notes that toxic friends are skilled at hiding their true selves. "Often their behaviors are well masked, buried in solicitous conversation that seems harmless and even kind and caring. It can be so well disguised that we may be almost unaware of the underlying infliction of pain. " Hmm, sound familiar?

Almost everyone has at least one toxic friend. Whether it's a new friendship, or one that's been a constant in your life for years, toxic friends can cause a lot of unnecessary stress and chaos in your life. Because it can happen slowly, it might take longer than you think to realize your friend is bad for your mental and physical health. This is why it's important to know how to be able to spot red flags that you're toxic friend is stressing you out.

1. You Avoid Their Texts & Calls

Do you have the one friend who texts you or calls you (the horror) constantly to unload all of their emotional baggage, yet never stops to ask how you're doing? "The conversations are always about their issues, concerns and activities," Riddell noted. "They control when you are together and what you do. When they need something you are there, but the favor is rarely returned."

Yep, that person is toxic AF. If you find yourself taking longer to return their texts, or hitting "ignore" when they call, you're clearly stressed out by your toxic friend's constant need to emotionally hijack you with their dark and twisty energy.

2. They're Never There When You Need Them

A healthy friendship is one in which both people support each other versus a toxic friendship, which is a one-way street. "The only thing they give out is the ability to make you doubt yourself and your choices," relationship expert Ar'nie Krogh told Now To Love. "If you're experiencing negativity, it's time to do something about it."

The first sign you might be in a toxic friendship is the realization that your friend is never there for you. Whether you need a shoulder to cry on, advice, or a favor, toxic friends will always come up with an excuse for why they just can't talk to you or help you, which can leave you feeling emotionally wounded, stressed, and worthless.

3. You're Expected To Drop Everything For Them

A toxic friend might expect you to be at their beck and call no matter what. They think that whatever they or want or need is more important, and they usually expect you to drop everything ASAP when they ask. While helping out a friend is natural, if you're always the one rushing to your friend's side, and they never reciprocate, you might start to dread hanging out with them. And, dread is a sign of anxiety and stress.

"The slight fear or sense of dread—that's anxiety," Alan Henry wrote for Life Hacker. "Before your body feels the effects however, your brain is already at work." If your friend's constant need is overwhelming you to the point that you're experiencing dread, this person is causing you anxiety, which is a clear red flag.

4. You Feel Emotionally Drained After Seeing Them

Healthy friendships inspire feelings of love, joy, and contentment. While this doesn't happen every second of your friendship, the good times should outweigh the bad. If you feel sad and emotionally drained after spending time with someone, that's a huge sign that this toxic friend is stressing you out. What's worse is that you might initially blame yourself for not enjoying the time you spend with this friend. Stop it right now. Trust your gut. If you feel bad after spending time with someone, it's not a healthy relationship.

"I would say [a toxic friend is] someone who, after spending time with them, makes you feel bad about yourself instead of good; someone who tends to be critical of you — sometimes in a subtle way and sometimes not so subtle; a friend who drains you emotionally, financially, or mentally, and they're not very good for you," Psychologist Jenn Berman told WebMD.

5. You Experience Physical Symptoms

If you feel physically ill before, during, or after spending time with a friend, your body is trying to tell you that this person is stressing you out. "You’re somaticizing, actually feeling ill as the stress impacts your body. You get back aches, neck pain — maybe she's really a pain in the neck? Instead of feeling bolstered by your connection, you start feeling weakened," Susan Heitler Ph.D. wrote for Psychology Today. "Your body continues reacting. You feel anxious, get headaches and stomach upset, you have a hard time getting out of bed. .."

If this only happens in relation to this particular friend, it's a clear red flag that it's time to cut this person out of your life. "When you’re in a great friendship, it boosts your immune system. But toxic friendships are sickening," Heitler noted. Seriously, with a friend like that who needs enemies? Life is hard enough without your "friends" literally making you sick.

6. You Feel Like You Have To Hide Things

In a one-sided toxic friendship your "friend" usually expects you to swing from the chandeliers when they have good news, which is totally normal. However, what makes it toxic is when this same friend does the opposite when something good happens to you. A toxic friend might begrudge your success and happiness to the point that you begin hiding good things that happen to you from them. "At first, it was so fun to be with her. You laughed, you commiserated, it was such an enjoyable connection," Heitler wrote.

"Then something changed. She flipped. It’s so easy to get into trouble with her now. Better be careful. But then you start being overly careful, watching every word to avoid saying the wrong thing." Walking on eggshells is stressful AF, and if you find yourself having to carefully choose every word around your friend, and feel like you have to withhold information, these mental and emotional gymnastics are a red flag that this person is stressing you out.

7. It's Causing Problems In Your Other Relationships

OK, it's totally normal for some of your friends not to like each other. However, if you find yourself constantly having to defend one friend to all of your other friends, your family, and your partner, it might be time to take a step by and ask yourself why. It's possible that other people might be seeing something that you're not. And, being on the defense all of the damn time is a sign that this friend is causing you too much stress.

Similar to a toxic romantic relationship, some toxic friends might try to isolate you from your other friends until they're all you have left. If you friend is constantly putting down your other friends, and your real friends are all expressing concern about how this friend is treating you, it's time to take a hard look at why you're holding on to this friendship.

8. You Develop Serious Health Problems

While toxic friends can cause you massive amounts of mental stress, CBS News reported in 2016 that a UCLA study revealed they can also contribute to serious health problems, including diabetes, heart disease, and cancer. "This study is suggesting that there’s more to it than just a psychological impact, that it may be related to health outcomes and diseases that are very common and very severe," Dr. Daniel Yadager told CBS New York. If you develop an unexplained medical condition, and you're also in a toxic friendship, there could be a connection.

"We like to think that friendship is something that everyone can handle. It’s so much harder to say, 'my friend is making me ill,'" Dr. Yager told CBS New York. While ending a toxic friendship can often be more difficult than leaving a bad romance, it's worth it to regain control of your mental and physical health. Because, that's the least you deserve, so do yourself a favor and wave bye, bye, bye to that toxic friend.

23 Signs You're Stressing People Out Without Realizing It — Best Life

Everyone experiences some sort of stress in their life, whether it's due to their boss, their colleagues, their kids, or their significant other. But did you ever stop to consider that it's entirely possible that you may also be the source of stress in other people's lives? To help you become more aware of how you make others feel, we've rounded up all the signs that indicate you're stressing out the people in your life without even realizing it.

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Does someone seem to be indulging more when you're around? It may not be because they're comfortable with you, but rather because they're stress-eating. According to Harvard Medical School, persistent stress releases cortisol, which increases appetite and pushes people toward overeating high-fat, sugary "comfort foods." So if your typically healthy colleague is shoveling in the fries at your work lunch, it's a potential sign that you're causing them stress.

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Have you ever noticed someone looking at their phone while you try to talk to them? Sure, this might be rude, but it says just as much about you as it does about them. Usually this indicates that someone is uncomfortable with or stressed out by the conversation at hand. Instead of taking this behavior as a slight towards you, use it as an opportunity to evaluate whether or not you are making the people around you uncomfortable.

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While some people use their phone as a way to escape a conversation, Florida-based licensed psychologist Jamie Long notes that others will simply avoid eye contact altogether when someone is stressing them out. If the person with whom you are speaking breaks eye contact, turns away, or finds something to distract themselves with, "it's possible that the topic of conversation got too intense [or] too one-sided," Long explains.

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When you're around someone and you notice them tapping their foot or bouncing their leg in a consistent manner, take note. The American Institute of Stress lists nervous habits like fidgeting and foot-tapping as common signs of stress. So, next time you hear that tap, tap, tap while you're talking, tap, tap, tap this reminder into your head.

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According to a 2009 study published in the journal Psychophysiology, sighing is often an involuntary function that comes from being overly stressed. So, if someone's audibly sighing as soon as you walk through the door, don't take that lightly.

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Tapping feet and sighs are not the only telltale signs of stress. Nail biting, otherwise known as onychophagia, is also used by some as a way to cope with stress, nervousness, or anxiety. So, if you find that someone seems to pick up this nervous habit whenever they're around you, it could be a sign that you instantly increase their anxiety levels.

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If you notice that people have a tendency to leave the room when you enter, it may be because they are actively avoiding a stressful situation—or, in other words, interacting with you. After all, removing stressors from your life can release tension, eliminate the need bad coping mechanisms, and improve physical and emotional symptoms—so who can blame them, really?

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Are you worried you may be stressing people out? Long says if you want to know for sure, you should walk into a room and pay attention to how the environment changes. "You might be stressing people out if you enter a room of laughing and smiling individuals who suddenly become quiet soon after you enter or start talking," she says."This is because your energy is incongruent with positive vibe your friends were just enjoying."

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It may not be just an energy change that makes it clear that you stress people out. If you walk into the room and the conversation stops, chances are that everyone was discussing you or, at least, saying something that they didn't want you to know about. Instead of taking this personally, use it as a chance to grow and become a more productive—and less stress-inducing—part of the group.

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Someone who finds you to be a stressor in their life is not going to go out of their way to initiate conversation with you. If you see them in the hallway and they pass by without so much as a hello, they're most likely avoiding having to get stuck in a conversation with you because they're worried it will add unnecessary anxiety to their day.

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And if you're a source of stress in people's lives, then they're probably not going to go out of their way to hang out with you. If you notice that someone is eager to hang out with everyone but you, it might be because they're looking for a chance to recover from you.

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Today, people often use texting to communicate their issues rather than doing it face-to-face. But if you're unloading on someone via this method and getting nothing in return, chances are you're causing them stress, too.

"You may be stressing others out with texts full of emotional stuff like what you are upset about or how you feel about something," says Sherianna Boyle, a psychology professor in Massachusetts and author of Emotional Detox. "This stresses people out because they can't hear the tone and they don't actually get to respond to what you are saying."

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If you've ever been told that you often take the lead in conversations, that might not be a compliment. While talking about your issues may relieve your stress, you could unintentionally be forcing others to keep their concerns bottled up.

"When a person is going through a hard time, they can sometimes overly process the stressor with loved ones," Long says. "In other words, you don't hold space for others to talk about what's going on in their lives. To counteract this, focus on asking questions, listening more, and interrupting less."

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If you're causing stress in someone's life, it may lead them to start experiencing headaches on a regular basis. According to the Mayo Clinic, stress is a common trigger of tension headache. And everyday irritants, like dealing with a difficult coworker, can trigger these headaches more frequently than the stress of one major life event.

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If someone who is typically outgoing always seems to get more quiet and closed-off when you're around, it may be a sign that your presence makes them uneasy. In fact, California-based career coach Elizabeth Pearson says this type of recoiling or distancing can indicate specific stressors like fear and intimidation.

"[This] reaction could be communicating that the person feels threatened by you," Pearson says. "Without saying anything, the person is showing you that they feel uncomfortable, anxious, uneasy, or that they want to get out of the conversation or your presence."

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Sweating is a regular part of life, but if you notice that someone always seems a bit more clammy around you, it may not just be from the heat. According to Piedmont Healthcare, if someone is particularly sweaty under their arms or around their scalp, they may be sweating from their apocrine glands, which is where stress sweat originates from.

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Fatigue is a telltale symptom of stress. So, if someone appears more tired both physically and mentally after spending time with you, it could very well be because you are adding anxiety to their life.

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If you cause undue stress in someone's life, then they are probably not going to ask their significant other to also spend time with you. Not only will they want to prevent their partner from experiencing the same stress they deal with, but they also might not want them to see how they get—irritable, sweaty, reserved, etc.—when they're around you.

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Stress can cause even the most prepared and put-together people to become distracted. As neuropsychologist Amy Serin explained to Fast Company, people are unable to access memories and information when they're stressed, and their minds have difficulty concentrating on one thing. So, if you notice that someone seems overly distracted around you, it might be an indication you're seriously stressing them out.

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In severely stressful scenarios, people will even avoid activities they usually enjoy if they know there is going to be someone there who makes them feel anxious. If you decide to attend happy hour and your most sociable coworker immediately cancels, it's safe to assume that the problem isn't a scheduling conflict, it's the company—namely, you.

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Stress can often cause people to turn to vices like alcohol as a means of coping. In fact, a 2018 survey from the U.K. Mental Health Foundation found that 74 percent of respondents felt overwhelming stress in the past year, and 29 percent of those individuals reported taking up drinking or increasing their drinking as a way to cope. So, if one of your friends, colleagues, or loved ones starts having more cocktails than usual when you're around, consider talking to them about what's stressing them out. (And be warned: It could be you.)

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If you notice someone becoming increasingly irritable, that's a clear emotional symptom of stress. What's more, if you happen to be the person who's bearing the brunt of their anger, it's entirely possible that you're the one causing their stress. Try talking them down and then iron out the situation before it's too late.

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One of the most surprising symptoms of stress is frequent sickness. A study published in the journal Age in 2013 showed that chronic stress can result in a weakened immune system. Similarly, another 2010 study published in the journal Psychosomatic Medicine confirmed that psychological stress was associated with an increased chance of developing an upper respiratory infection. So, if someone you interact with often falls ill, it may be a sign they're overly stressed—and that you're the problem. And for more stress signs, check out these 25 Surprising Ways Stress Affects Your Body.

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8 secrets to communicating with someone who annoys you

March 21, 2022 Relationship

Even if you are the friendliest person in the world, sooner or later you will meet someone who will get on your nerves.

Don't worry if you don't like someone. We are all different. And this reaction reminds us that no one is perfect. Including ourselves.

1. Accept the fact that you can't get along with everyone

It's okay. Some people like you, and some people can't stand you. This does not mean that there is something wrong with you or with others. We all just have our own preferences.

Differences in character play a decisive role. An extrovert will find an introvert boring, and a convinced realist may find the fine mood of an optimist inadequate.

We tend to invest in what we like. Suppose you are annoyed by one of your acquaintances or colleagues. Of course, you will not seek to meet him and keep in touch. But sometimes this approach can turn into open hostility.

2. Try to understand the other person

Maybe your mother-in-law does not consider you frivolous, as you always thought. And the colleague is not really trying to set you up. Take a closer look, and perhaps you will understand the motives of their actions or even extract some useful advice.

Don't get angry if there really is a good reason for criticism. You will only make yourself look bad. Just take my word for it and take the critical remark into service.

3. Keep your emotions under control

Your reaction to this or that situation depends only on you. She can drive you crazy if you let it. Don't waste your strength.

Don't give in if someone hurts you or tries to piss you off. Sometimes “smile and wave” is the best method.

It is very important to initially treat everyone you meet with respect. This does not mean that you should always follow the lead and agree with everyone.

One must be polite towards other people. Thus, you will remain in your opinion, keep calm and the advantage will be on your side.

4. Don't take everything to heart

Very often we simply misunderstand a person. Perhaps he simply did not quite accurately express his thought, or his day did not work out in the morning. You should not take it out on someone, because he can break out on you in return. This will only exacerbate the situation. Be above this, concentrate on the matter, not paying attention to the inadequate reaction of the interlocutor.

If you feel tired and low energy, take a break, take a walk. Set boundaries for your personal space where no one can disturb you.

5. Speak calmly

How we communicate is often more important than what we say. If the situation has heated up, then it's time to talk about it. However, the dialogue should not be aggressive. It is better to use sentences that begin with the words “I”, “me”, “me”, for example: “It annoys me when you do this. Could you act differently?" Most likely, the interlocutor will listen to you and also express his opinion.

Sometimes it pays to call on a third party for help. Another person can objectively assess the situation. Maybe after the dialogue you will not become friends with the one with whom the conflict has matured, but at least you will be able to communicate normally.

Working with people you find difficult to get along with is a rewarding experience that will show you how you can deal with problems.

6. Prioritize

Not everything deserves your time and attention. You must decide whether you really want to keep in touch with this or that person, or whether it is better to concentrate, for example, on work.

Consider the situation. Will it get worse over time? Sooner or later the problem will have to be solved. If the conflict is ripe simply by coincidence, then you will quickly be able to deal with it.

7. Do not take a defensive position

If you feel constant dissatisfaction with you from someone else, if someone focuses only on your shortcomings, you should not rush at this person with your fists. This is not a way out. Such behavior will only irritate him. Instead, it is better to ask directly what exactly does not suit him. Gossip or harassment can be a sign that they want to manipulate you or even demonstrate their power.

If a person wants you to treat them with respect, they should treat you the same way.

There is one psychological trick: speak quickly when you disagree with someone. So the interlocutor will have less time to answer. Slow down if you feel that he is ready to agree with you.

8. Remember that you are the creator of your own happiness

Of course, it is difficult to soberly assess the situation if someone is getting on your nerves. However, never let others drag you down.

If someone's words really hurt you, look into yourself. Maybe you are not confident in yourself or are you worried about some work moments? If so, focus on solving the problems that are important to you.

Do not compare yourself to others, because we are all different.

Remind yourself of your accomplishments more often and don't let anyone ruin your mood over a little thing!

9 qualities of a person to whom people are drawn

August 29, 2022 Relationship

If you want to please others, develop the necessary qualities in yourself.

You can listen to the article. If it's more convenient for you, turn on the podcast.

1. He treats others kindly

To do this, you have to subdue your ego. You don't have to try to be the best person to talk to. Don't try to make yourself look better by belittling his accomplishments. A good person does not need to do this. He is happy to be himself, so he is confident in his own abilities.

2. He knows his worth

An attractive person knows that he should be appreciated. Self-confidence is a quality that helps in many life situations.

3. People feel comfortable next to him

In the company of such a person you will feel at ease. Communication with him is not annoying, because he allows others to be themselves. He is not trying to change anyone. An attractive person sees the good in people and strives to bring out the good in them.

4. He avoids negativity

We tend to copy the behavior of those around us. Of course, we feel much better next to a positive person. After all, he charges us with positive energy. People tend to spend time with such a person.

5. He supports others

An attractive person likes to compliment others. He is able to find the right words, cheer and come to the rescue. Such a person wants to make people around him happy.

6. He does not compete, but cooperates with people

No need to spread gossip about others, elevating yourself in the eyes of others. Don't be afraid to interact with people. An attractive person is open to new acquaintances and treats everyone without malice and prejudice. It is such a person who achieves success not only in his personal life, but also in business.

7. He is not afraid to appear vulnerable

An open person who is able to show his feelings evokes sympathy. People share their experiences with him in return. This is because a person needs someone who can listen and support him.

8.

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