How to know about yourself

26 Questions To Help You Know Yourself Better

26 Questions To Help You Know Yourself Better
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By Sharon Martin, LCSW on April 22, 2016

Developmentally, we wrestle with “finding ourselves” as teens and young adults. Then we often revisit these questionsin middle age. It’s both normal and essential to seek self-understanding.In order to accept ourselvesand establish a sense of belonging, we need to understand who we are. A strong sense of self helps us navigate life and brings meaning to our experiences. Without it, we feel “lost.”

  1. We put everyone else’s needs before our own. When we focus on others and neglect ourselves, we fail to recognize and value ourselves and our needs. We minimize who we are and what we need.
  2. We’re disconnected from our thoughts and feelings. We commonly keep ourselves so distracted and numb with alcohol, food, and electronics that we miss important information about who we are. How often do you reach for your phone or a snack whenever you get even slightly uncomfortable? These things keep us from knowing ourselves because we don’t allow ourselves to be curious and ask ourselves how we’re really feeling.
  3. We experience life transitions and changes in our roles. Experience like adivorce, retirement, job loss,death of a loved one, or other traumatic events can also result in losing oursense of self, especially the parts associated withour roles.
  4. We feel ashamed and unworthy, and consequently bury parts of ourselves. We were told that we’re bad, strange, ugly, stupid, or unworthy. We were criticized or teased. Maybe you loved to play chess as a kid, but were told that it’s not cool to join the chess club. Soyou quit. Or perhaps you were shamed for your sexual orientation and tried to deny it. We’re told we have to fit a certain mold if we’re to fit in. So, we squish our squarepeg selves into round holes and try to be something we’re not. After years of doing this, we lose track of who we really are.

I’ve created some questions and journaling prompts that will help you rediscover yourself.

  1. What are my strengths?
  2. What are my short-term goals? Long-term goals?
  3. Who matters most to me? Who are my support people?
  4. What am I ashamed of?
  5. What do I like to do for fun?
  6. What new activities am I interested in or willing to try?
  7. What am I worried about?
  8. What are my values? What do I believe in? (consider politics, religion, social issues)
  9. If I could have one wish, it would be ___________
  10. Where do I feel safest?
  11. What or who gives me comfort?
  12. If I wasn’t afraid, I would ___________
  13. What ismy proudest accomplishment?
  14. What is my biggest failure?
  15. Am I a night owl or an early bird? How can I arrange my life to better suit this part of my nature?
  16. What do I like about my job? What do I dislike?
  17. What does my inner critic tell me?
  18. What do I do to show myselfself-compassion and self-care?
  19. Am I an introvert or an extrovert? Am I energized being around others or being by myself?
  20. What am I passionate about?
  21. What is my happiest memory?
  22. What do my dreams tell me?
  23. What is my favorite book? Movie? Band? Food? Color? Animal?
  24. What am I grateful for?
  25. When I’m feeling down I like to ___________________
  26. I know I’m stressed when I ______________________

I’ve given you a lot of questions. I suggest answering onlyone or two per day so you can explore them in depth. Work at your own pace. Perhaps one per week is more realistic for you. There is no judgment and this isn’t a race. Rediscovering yourself is a process. It will take thinking, talking, writing, and doing.

I wish you well on your journey.



Join me on Facebookand by email.

2016 Sharon Martin, LCSW Photo by: Travis Wise


By Sharon Martin, LCSW on April 22, 2016

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6 Steps to Discover Your True Self

To discover your true self is the most important skill you can possess. When you know who you are, you know what you need to do instead of looking for permission from others. It allows you to bypass tons of frustration caused by putting time into the wrong things. Yes, life is supposed to be full of trial and error, but this lets you find the best areas for you to experiment with. Once you know yourself, you will become more confident, you will understand your purpose, and you will begin making a bigger impact on the world.

So how can you know who you are and what you ought to do in life? Here are the six steps you need to take in order to know your true self:


Be quiet.

You cannot and will not be able to discover yourself until you take the time to be still. Many people don’t know themselves because any sort of silence scares them; it’s too uncomfortable to be alone with every flaw staring back at them. But it isn’t until you get alone, evaluate yourself and are completely truthful with yourself that you will actually be able to see every facet of your life—the good and the bad. Be quiet and discover your true self.

2. Realize who you truly are, not who you want to be.

I know you already have a set idea of who you desperately want to be, but it might not be who you were designed to be. When you know who you are, you will finally see where you and your specific gifts fit into the bigger picture.

And although there are many points along your journey to help you discover yourself, the best way to begin is to take a personality test and the StrengthsFinder test. (If it’s been five or more years since you’ve completed either of these, take them again. ) No, these self-evaluations aren’t perfect, but they do pinpoint your top areas of strengths, so you can focus on the change you were meant to bring into the world.

3. Find what you are good at (and not good at).

This might be the most difficult step in discovering who you truly are, but it’s a necessary one. Sure, it takes trial and error to find what you’re good at, and no, I don’t want you to give up before you’ve had more than enough attempts, but knowing when to quit is a gift that everyone needs to learn.

Quit when you’ve put in ample time and your efforts aren’t giving back. What is ample time? Only you can decide that. But when you quit correctly, it isn’t giving up, it’s making room for something better. When your actions do nothing but drain you—rather than produce more passion and increase your drive to do more—that’s a good sign it is time to focus elsewhere. Your strengths will show you who you are.

4. Find what you are passionate about.

Following passion of any kind is a good thing, and you need to pay attention when it comes because it shows an area of life that you need to pay more attention to. If we’re talking about following your passion in work, it’s a good thing. And if we’re talking about having more passion for life, it’s a good thing. Focus more on passion; understand yourself in better ways, and you’ll make a bigger impact. Passion produces effort and continuous effort produces results, which produces a deeper discovery of your true self.

5. Ask for feedback.

If you don’t know yourself, hearing what others have to say about you is a helpful practice. Ask them two simple questions: “What strengths do you think I need to develop further?” and “What weaknesses do you think I need to work on?” Of course, their opinion isn’t going to be perfect, but their feedback will probably indicate a few areas you should at least take a second look at. This step is especially important for those who are stuck in finding themselves. Sometimes those closest to us can see something we might not be able to see in ourselves.

6. Assess your relationships.

A large aspect of discovering yourself can be found in your relationships. When you realize you’ll never truly know anyone else until you discover yourself, the importance of knowing yourself becomes even more apparent. This truth especially rings true for business leaders, because if you don’t know the people on your team, then you will be lost as a leader. But this rule also applies to any relationship in your life. Almost as much as you need to know yourself, other people also need to know who you are. People need you—the real you.

Use your reflections to fight your biggest fears, because when you understand who you are, your purpose will finally become bigger than your fears. When you realize who you are, you will spend less time spinning your wheels. Focusing on your strengths gives you the needed traction to make a bigger and better difference in the world. When you know yourself, you will find more peace, and you will find success quicker than ever before.

Now go take action and find your true self, starting today.

Photo by @the_brookedavis/Twenty20

Adam Smith


Adam Smith is the author of the book, The Bravest You. He is an entrepreneur, consultant, and speaker. You can find out more about Adam at 

10 psychological tests to help you get to know yourself better

March 12, 2021 Education

Questionnaires to test intelligence, anxiety levels, conflict levels and more.

1. Raven IQ test

This test will help you determine how smart, quick-witted and logical you are. It consists of 60 tasks, the complexity of which gradually increases.

Each question is a picture with symbols or shapes connected to each other. Your task is to understand how they are located, and then insert the missing element into the image. nine0003

Pass the test →

2. SMIL test

This questionnaire will be useful to make your comprehensive psychological portrait. You will be able to find out the type of personality, dominant character traits, communication style, propensity to take risks, level of self-esteem ... And that's not all!

True, to get the coveted result, you have to work hard: the full version of the test consists of 567 statements. You will have to choose whether you agree with them or not. But there is also an abbreviated version for express diagnostics of 65 questions. nine0003

Take the full test →
Take the short test →

3. Thomas-Kilmann test

Find out how prone you are to conflict and how you behave when things get heated around you. Check which style of disagreement resolution suits you best: confrontation, compromise, or silence.

The questionnaire consists of 30 pairs of statements. In each question, you will need to choose the answer that most accurately characterizes your behavior. nine0003

Take the test →

4. Test "House, tree, person"

Drawings of a person can tell a lot about his inner world. Check it out for yourself: draw a house, a tree and a person on paper, and then find out what it all means.

After interpreting the results, you will receive information about what lies in your subconscious, how comfortable you feel in society, what worries you and other interesting data.

Take the test →

5. Interpersonal Relationship Questionnaire

This test will help you determine your level of socialization. Check how easy it is for you to get close to people, how much they influence you, and how great your need for communication and attention is in general.

Be as honest as possible when taking the test. Answer the way you really think, not the way others expect you to. Then the results will be more reliable.

Take the test →

6. Activity style questionnaire

Activity style is the means and techniques by which a person achieves the set results. Answer questions about your temperament, character and interests, and then find out if you are an activist, thinker, theorist or pragmatist. nine0003

After passing the test, you will receive a detailed description of your type, and also find out what can reduce and increase your effectiveness in achieving your goals.

Take the test →

7. Taylor Anxiety Scale

Sometimes healthy anxiety can be helpful. It helps to be more attentive and more careful in unforeseen situations. But if anxiety arises for no reason and exceeds reasonable limits, it greatly complicates life. The test will help you find out if you are prone to this disorder. nine0003

Take the test →

8. Boyko test for diagnosing burnout

Fatigue, irritability, poor sleep and inability to concentrate on the task at hand are true companions of emotional burnout. If you find yourself experiencing at least some of these symptoms, take the test and see if it's time for you to take a vacation and have a good rest.

Take the test →

9. Test of meaningful life orientations

This short survey will help determine the overall level of meaningfulness in your life. It will show how productive, rational and eventful the already lived part of it is, and will also make it clear what are your chances for a happy bright future. nine0003

Take the test →

10. Diagnosis of irrational attitudes

Each of us has certain attitudes from childhood that sometimes prevent us from adequately perceiving reality. With this test, you can find out what negative biases you have, how they affect your worldview and what to do to get rid of them.

Take the test →

Read also 🔥

  • 10 serious psychological tests you can take online0083
  • QUIZ: Answer 4 short questions and find out your personality type
  • 4-question test: Find out your character by crossing your arms

Three ways to know yourself better

One of the main obstacles to self-knowledge is constant employment. We run, something distracts us, we try to do several things at the same time. It is difficult to tune in to self-knowledge. And you need to tune in a quiet environment, listening to thoughts and emotions, the body that speaks the language of physical sensations.

We drown out our sensitivity. Most lose touch with themselves. Being distracted by correspondence on your smartphone at lunch, you stop feeling the taste of food. As a result, you miss signals that let you know how you feel and help you figure out why. nine0003

Why is it important to understand yourself?

When we know ourselves well, it is easier for us to achieve success. This is logical - if we set goals that match our skills, interests and values, we are much more likely to achieve them.

Understanding ourselves, we become kinder to ourselves - if you understand why you acted one way or another, then you see that you did everything you could do in this situation, and it is easier for you to forgive yourself for mistakes.

Knowing how you feel makes it easier for you to meet your emotional needs. You better understand what you need from others. nine0003

To truly live, you need to accept yourself as you are. Understand what is important to you and muster up the courage to be yourself, not what others want you to be. Here are some tips.

Listen to yourself

How do your thoughts make you feel? Without judging or judging, pay attention to what emotions they evoke. This process will help you realize a lot - what affects your mood, how you feel about yourself and others. nine0003

If your own thoughts make you angry or helpless, a psychotherapist can help you understand what is hidden in the depths of your psyche.

Ask yourself the right questions

We often ask questions like “What are you doing? What do you need?". Instead, ask, “What is important to you? What are you worried about? This will help you better understand your interests and the meaning of your life.

If we are not interested in what we do, life turns into a burdensome duty, loses its meaning. On the contrary, if we do what is important, then we feel a surge of energy and gain meaning. Make a list of what is important to you and consider how these values ​​are present in everyday life. nine0003

Pay attention to what bothers you in the behavior of others

We can learn a lot by paying attention to what we don't like about others. Carl Jung suggested using the term Shadow - those parts of our personality that we do not want to know about. He pointed out that we often see things in others that we don't want to see in ourselves.

Learn more