How to accept when a relationship is over
How To Accept Your Relationship Is Over
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Heartbreak hurts like hell, and when things break down – it’s easy to clutch onto the hope that maybe things can be rekindled. In fact, that’s the natural first stage of grief: denial. It’s a defence mechanism to try to help us numb the intensity of the situation. But if you want to move forward and get to a happier place again, you have to accept your relationship is over.
And I know, you don’t want to believe it’s real. But you’re only prolonging the pain by pretending this isn’t happening, or trying to search for a way around it. And this isn’t helping. It’s only making it hurt more.
I mean, think about it… You broke up for a reason. Whether you agree with that reason or not, it’s happened. So even if you were to get straight back together now, it wouldn’t change things or make things better. Not long term anyway.
For this reason, the best thing you can do, is accept that – right now – the two of you aren’t together. In time, things will become easier. Everything will also become a lot clearer… And if you can’t see why this had to happen right now, don’t worry, you soon will.
You may well find that you could still have a future. It entirely depends on the two of you, and the situation. But that’s irrelevant for the time being. Instead, right now – you just need to gain that acceptance. That’s all. That’s got to be the primary focus. Agreed? Agreed.
How To Accept Your Relationship Is Over
So when it comes to how to accept your relationship is over, I want to make it nice and simple, breaking it down into five key steps. Think of this as your “tick list” if you like. Just make sure you’re committed to doing each and every step, remembering that this is what will make you feel whole again.
1) Allow Yourself To Grieve & Feel The Pain
So first up I want you to give yourself a little time to feel your emotions and mourn the loss.
In fact, we’re probably going to come back to this multiple times in the grieving process, because healing is not a simple, linear process. So when you need to cry, cry. Get it out.
Don’t hold things in or feel like you have to put on a front. You invested so much time, love and energy into the relationship… and for what? This huge sense of loss? It sucks, I get it.
But this is actually a key part of accepting that your relationship is over and allowing yourself to heal. You have to feel the pain to know it’s real. And only then can you truly start to process it and progress.
If you’re struggling to process your thoughts, try journalling or video recording. Speak to a friend, a family member, a therapist or a coach.
You may also like to try clearing your mind through yoga, meditation or mindfulness. Play around with different things. Experiment. See what works for you. And make time for it – block out times in your day after a breakup where you’re going to do the things that will help.
See, many of us THINK we are feeling our emotions, but actually we’re not. And that stops you from addressing and accepting it. Because instead, you’re just covering over the truth or pushing it out your mind.
For the complete process on how to properly feel your emotions and all the grief and pain that comes with the breakup – click here. Have a read. I know it sounds pretty frightful, but actually – it’s quite freeing.
2) Recognise That This Has Happened For A Reason
Next up, when it comes to accepting your relationship is over – you have to know why it happened. Or at the very least, be able to see the reason behind it – to better understand it.
Sometimes this isn’t always easy. But actually, no matter what, you can always move forward by knowing the fact that – these things do all happen for a reason. Not because of ‘fate’ or anything like that. Fate could or could not exist… who knows.
But what I do know, is that everything we go through, all of our experiences – shape us into who we are today, and who we will become.
It’s actually the hardest of times that create the highest levels of growth and for this reason, even the toughest of situations can be turned into a positive.
The breakup might not have been what you wanted, which is why you’re now struggling to accept your relationship is over now. But trust me, there will have been fundamental problems that made it happen, that led the two of you down this path.
Recommended Read: Should You Get Back With Your Ex? Gain Clarity Here
Identifying Why You Broke Up
If you’re struggling to recognise why you broke up, which is therefore making it more difficult to accept your relationship is over, then click here.
At the top of that post, you’ll see a series of questions that dig deeper into your relationship and where it was actually at.
Grab a notepad and some paper, write “Breakup” in the middle of the page, then jot down notes to questions. It will really help you to see why you broke up, and why actually, it’s a good thing.
Click here to work through this with a breakup coach
3) Put Things Into Perspective
Look at the relationship that you had, and ask yourself, was it everything that you really wanted? Truly? Was it how love should be? Was it how a healthy relationship should be? How your “dream” relationship would be?
If you’re finding it difficult to remove those rose-tainted glasses, I want you to hop on over to this article for how to learn from your past relationship. There’s a really useful relationship inventory in there. This allows you to dig deeper and see things more clearly – see things how they really were.
There’s also this article on how to remove your ex from the pedestal you put him on – to again, allow yourself to see clearly, see that he wasn’t this perfect person, nor is he actually perfect for you.
Because that’s the thing – when you’re in love, you don’t always think clearly. Love taints your vision. You can find yourself making excuse for your partner, covering over their / your bad behaviour or trying to justify it.
You don’t often stop to think – is this actually working? Or if you do, you kid yourself into thinking that it still CAN work because really, you’re afraid of facing the truth and having to leave.
It’s hard to start over after a breakup initially. And often that’s the last thing you want to do – you love this person of course.
But love isn’t always enough.
If the two of you aren’t really compatible and the relationship isn’t quite right, things ending now, was actually probably the best thing. Why? Because it was probably inevitable anyway.
The right relationships will always work out…
This has happened for a reason, and if it wasn’t meant to happen – it wouldn’t. Maybe this is for a learning experience, maybe you will rekindle… or again, maybe not. But you won’t know for sure until you accept that right now it’s over.
Remember: you can’t force things that aren’t working. And eventually one of your was always going to break. This is the breaking point now.
And I know this is difficult to hear. I feel you, I really do. But once you start to put things into perspective, see things for how they were and reaching the point where you know deep down it was right, then you’re better able to accept it’s over.
If you’re struggling to do this because you keep going over the ‘what ifs’ and mistakes you made in the relationship, I want you to read this post. In fact, click here and work through it with me now.
You can’t accept that your relationship is over, until you forgive yourself where you might have gone wrong and stop tormenting yourself about how different things could have been.
Could, would, should. Who cares? The situation is now what it is, and you can’t do anything about it except keep pushing onwards and upwards. Okay?
4) Cut Contact, On Everything
Once you’ve worked through the first two mindset shifts, it’s then time to start taking some more practical action to accept your relationship is over.
The first thing I want you to do is cut contact. The longer you guys are in touch, the more you’re going to go over things and the harder you’re making it. It’s not harsh or unfair. It’s best for the both of you.
I personally block my ex’s (and everyone close to them) to cut contact. It sounds extreme if it’s not something you usually do, but for me ‘out of sight, out of mind’ really works. Others do it too.
Recommended Read: What To Do If Your Ex Blocks You
It takes away the temptation to look on his page, see things from other people’s pages and of course to get in touch. Why? Because it’s like an extra barrier to stop you in your tracks.
If you’re serious about accepting your relationship is over – block your ex on social media. It creates that extra barrier and makes it easier to let go and move on.
Breakup Tips – Forgetting FairytalesTweet
Be strict with it, don’t cave or backtrack.
If you’re struggling with this, jump on over to this post for: What To Do When You Feel Like Contacting Your Ex . Honestly – these tactics are a lifesaver and will really help to make things easier!
No contact means no calls, no texts, no secret messages, no ‘accidentally’ bumping into them, no getting in touch through friends or family, no asking around about them and definitely no stalking!
I know this person was probably a big part of your life. Your partner is often also your best friend but things have changed I’m afraid. So if you want to accept that your relationship is over, you HAVE to vouch to no contact… for the foreseeable future at the very least.
5) Start Focusing On Yourself Again
The last tip I want to share when it comes to how to accept your relationship is over, is to shift your focus.
Instead of putting all of your efforts into clinging onto what you had, or desperately trying to get it back, take a step back and focus on you.
This means starting by simply getting up every day and looking after yourself. This 30 Day Self Care Challenge will give you something small to focus on daily – doing things that will help you feel good.
Start small to begin with, baby steps, I know your emotions are still going to feel a little all over the place.
Then, when you’re ready to move from surviving to thriving, work on the different areas of your life: socially, mentally, emotionally, financially, physically, within your career.
Here have a read of the seven key focuses for self improvement. I also challenge you to start working on your very own happiness plan. Click here for what that’s all about.
learn how to be happy again
Re-create yourself. Become the best version of you.
When you care more about becoming the best version of yourself, you know that you’ve finally accepted the end of the relationship and are instead committed to moving onto better things.
This is the end goal, okay? And you’ll get there, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.
To help make things easier, do a little brainstorm on the areas of your life you want to look at. Just start jotting a few things down at this stage.
- So maybe you want to become more independent
- You want to feel more confident
- You want to do a little traveling
- To build better friendships
- To learn to love yourself so that you don’t need it from anyone else to validate your worth.
You see? Get those ideas flowing and see if you can look at even one of them right now. It will help you feel so much better… which has got to be more enticing than staying how you feel right now, hey?
Click here for the full process of how to recreate yourself. Follow it step by step. I’ll guide you through.
Everything Is Going To Be Okay, I Promise…
I know you’re hurting right now, but I want you to know that everything is going to be okay. You will be happy again, and you will find love… only next time, it will be a love that lasts.
But in order to find that, in order to meet the right person and have the best relationship, you have to let go of this one first, okay? This will soon come, but only when you’re ready. And you have to first accept your relationship is over with your ex.
Have a little faith that things will all work out, and do what you can to move forward from here.
Join our community group here for a little extra support and encouragement. You can also get in touch for some one-on-one support from me. Click here to read more on that.
Take care. You’re doing so well.
- How To Deal With Grief After Heartbreak
- What To Do When you Miss Someone
- 10 Signs Your Ex Will Never Come Back
How to Accept Your Relationship Is Ending: 11 Tips That Work
In This Article
Let’s face it, heartbreaks are horrible. The struggle of going through heartbreak can be very challenging. It gets even harder when you’re asking yourself, am I done with my relationship? So, learning how to accept your relationship is ending is very important.
When it comes to accepting the end of a relationship, there’s a lot that needs to be acknowledged and covered. It can be a confusing and emotionally exhausting period of your life.
So, learning how to truly accept your relationship is over is very important. Carrying emotional baggage from a relationship that is over or about to be over into your future won’t be fair to you.
So, sit back and learn how to accept your relationship is ending. For this, learning about the signs it’s time to move on from a relationship is essential.
Other important questions like what to do when your relationship is dying will also be explored here.
So, take a breath.
And learn about how to accept your relationship is ending.4 signs your romantic relationship is over
Before you get into how to accept your relationship is ending, it’s important to identify whether it is actually ending.
So, how do u know your relationship is over? Well, the good news is that there are several signs that your relationship is ending.
To prevent yourself from jumping to conclusions and immediately implementing the tips and tricks on how to accept your relationship is ending, be aware of these signs.
Related Reading: 15 Ways of How to End a Relationship Without Regrets1. Lack of sexual and physical intimacy
Although physical affection and sex aren’t everything in a romantic relationship, they are still very important. Healthy relationships are characterized by consistent physical intimacy and sexual intimacy.
If you feel like neither you nor your partner is sexually interested in each other anymore, it may, unfortunately, be a sign that a breakup is near.2. Lack of emotional connection
Intimacy doesn’t just refer to sexual and physical intimacy. Emotional and spiritual intimacy are just important in a romantic relationship. When it comes to learning about how to know when a relationship is over for good, emotional connection is an important factor.
If there’s no desire or space in the relationship to be vulnerable with your partner and share your feelings, opinions, ideas, thoughts, etc, with them and vice-versa, it might be a worrisome sign.
Related Reading: How Important Is An Emotional Connection In A Relationship?3. The understanding is gone
Compatibility in a romantic relationship is fundamental for the long-term potential of that bond. If there’s suddenly no understanding, then there’ll naturally be a lot of conflict in the relationship.
This will make it very difficult to agree on anything. So, if the understanding isn’t there anymore, it’s another sign.4. Desiring someone else
If either you or your partner has the desire to be with someone else, this is probably one of the most direct signs that the relationship may be ending soon.
There’s a difference between having random fantasies and strongly desiring to be romantically involved with a person who isn’t your partner.Coping with a breakup: How long does it take?
If your long term relationship ended abruptly, then learning about how to accept a breakup you didn’t want is essential. However, a common question that you may have while learning about how to accept your relationship is ending is how long will it take for you to get over this heartbreak.
When you’re navigating your way through how to accept a break up in general and you’re curious about the timeframe, unfortunately, there’s no direct answer.
However, some social science studies on breakups have reported that it can approximately take people 10 weeks to get over a relationship that lasted for about 6 months.
However, it’s important that you remember that when you’re learning how to accept your relationship is ending, the amount of time you may need to get over your lost love will be governed by a lot of factors.
Some of these factors that’ll determine how long it’ll take for you to learn to let go of a dying relationship and get over it include:
- Relationship quality
- Duration of the relationship
- Occurrence of infidelity
- Who dumped whom?
If you’re thinking “I feel like my relationship is over”, it means that you, unfortunately, have to learn how to leave a relationship when you are still in love.
If you think that the aforementioned signs of a relationship that may be ending match your situation, a lot of the work that you’ll be putting in to learn how to accept your relationship is ending will be psychological.
So, how to cope with a breakup you don t want?
To begin with, you need to identify your limiting beliefs. These are mental blocks that are getting in the way of you learning about how to accept your relationship is ending and implementing the tips to cope with the break-up in a constructive manner.
So, identify those limiting beliefs and challenge them. After that, process your feelings. Identify how you’re feeling because of the impending breakup and figure out why you’re feeling that way.
Playing the blame game won’t help you at all. Understanding your partner’s point of view (about why they broke up) with compassion is also important. While you’re learning how to accept your relationship is ending, it’s a good idea to go off of social media for a bit.
Related Reading: How to let go of someone you love: 15 WaysHow to accept your relationship is ending: 11 effective tips
Let’s get into what you do when you accept that my relationship is over. The first thing you need to know is that accepting that a relationship is over will take work. It won’t be easy.
When you’re learning about what to do when you know your relationship is over, remember to be compassionate and kind to yourself.1. Allow yourself to grieve
So, how to get over someone you can’t be with? Don’t be in denial. Don’t try to deny how hurt you feel. Don’t try to repress your strong emotions.
You have to allow yourself to be sad and grieve the loss of an important person in your life instead of running away from the reality of the situation.
Related Reading: The 5 Stages of Grief: Divorce, Separation & Breakups2. Share your feelings
Remember that when you’re learning how to accept your relationship is ending and in the process of grieving, the feelings and thoughts that you have in this process can be shared.
Talk to anyone that you deeply trust about all the strong thoughts and feelings that you’ve been having while grieving.
Related Reading: How to Share Your Feelings With Your Spouse3. Stay productive
As important as it is to allow yourself to grieve and reach out to someone you deeply trust when implementing how to accept your relationship is ending, it’s also essential to be productive.
Try making some simple to-do lists that can be accomplished within a reasonable timeframe. You’ll feel productive in this way.4. Write about it
Journaling about the different ideas and thoughts you have about the heartbreak and your ex can also be very helpful in terms of figuring out the cause of the break-up and how you’re coping with it.5. Amp up the self-care
How to accept your relationship is ending? Try to pamper yourself physically, spiritually, and mentally! Spend a little extra time caring for yourself.
Meditation, reading, listening to music, spa days, exercise, good food, and dancing are just some of the innumerable ways in which you can practice self-care!6. Make new routines
A difficult part of getting over a beloved is filling that void in one’s daily life that was spent with one’s significant other. If you spent an hour every morning talking to your partner, spend that time now doing something you love! Making new routines is important for moving on.7. A closure ritual
Whether it’s writing your ex a letter and never sending it to them or deleting pictures, videos, love letters of the two of you together, or returning your ex’s belongings to them- do what you need to do as a closure ritual.
Check out these tips on how to get closure in relationships:8. Cut off contact
It’s best to be on a no-contact basis at least temporarily with your ex. Stalking them on social media or texting them or calling them on the phone right after the break-up won’t help you. It’ll just worsen the pain.9. Perspective matters
How you view a romantic relationship that couldn’t have lasted is also very important. Your perspective about heartbreak and why the romance had to end will determine how effectively you cope with the heartbreak.10. Try casual dating (only if you’re comfortable)
If it’s been a while since the break-up and you’d just like to casually date some people and just put yourself out there without any serious commitments, then you can try it!
Related Reading: Casual Relationships: Types, Benefits and Risks11. Embrace new possibilities
Remember that a romantic relationship that is meant to last will definitely last. So, this break-up has probably opened you up to the new possibilities that life has to offer!Takeaway
Now that you know how to accept your relationship is ending, implement the aforementioned tips if you’re currently experiencing heartbreak.
What to do if the relationship ended, but the feelings remained
After breaking any ties - business, friendship or romantic - you need to go through three stages.
Whether it's a partner, family member, friend, boss, or colleague, ending a relationship is always hard. But sometimes the period after a breakup is even harder than the breakup itself. We can get stuck in our unprocessed feelings, doubts and anxieties that quickly fill the void.
“Let's call it unfinished business,” suggests psychologist Antonio Pascual-Leone. Most of us believe that it only takes time to move on. But if you feel really broken and empty, this state will not go away the next morning, like an unpleasant hangover.
Antonio Pascual-Leone carefully studied this process and came to the conclusion that people who encounter such feelings go through three stages. “It's a rather chaotic and confusing process, with many taking two steps forward and one step back, or even getting stuck in the middle. Fortunately, each of these stages can be completed effectively and without a hitch, ”the psychologist notes.
Step one: sorting out your feelings
Antonio Pascual-Leone shares the story of an entrepreneur who was a senior business partner and mentor to her colleague. They worked great together until a junior employee suddenly decided to leave. The psychologist notes that when the businesswoman told her story, she said that she now avoids professional conferences and other events: “It would be so embarrassing to run into her. I do not even know".
The last phrase has become a key one for the psychologist. Why? “She demonstrates a global inner pain. The entrepreneur seems to be saying, “I’m so upset, I don’t know why everything is so bad.” We are used to thinking that such a period can be waited out like heavy rain outside the window. But as long as we avoid problems, little will change, ”explains the specialist. His solution: to look experiences in the face.
How to pass the first stage
Most often, the strongest feelings after a breakup are anger and sadness. Moreover, they can unite in a large dense lump. “You need to give yourself time to separate them from each other, find the right words and describe what exactly is terrible, awkward or difficult for you,” the psychologist advises.
To do this, ask yourself: "What is the worst thing about this breakup?" If you want to work through the bad feelings and move on, you need to focus on your emotions and figure out what hurts you the most.
Step two: Understand what you need
After a relationship ends, most of us are very aware of what hurts the most. But at the same time, we easily fall into a vicious circle of self-flagellation. Most often this happens because the breakup provokes long-standing deep and unpleasant feelings.
During this period, we may be visited by thoughts from the category: “Everything that happened is my fault. Perhaps I deserve to be mistreated" or "It's true, I'm really incompetent (unattractive, uninteresting)." We begin to blame ourselves for the problems associated with the ended relationship.
How do you know that you are going through this stage? “You feel vulnerable and broken, and, oddly enough, these emotions seem familiar to you. It’s a familiar story, you’ve been through it before,” notes Antonio Pascual-Leone. And he adds that some people go through this period and the other two quite painlessly.
How to pass the second stage
Ask yourself: “What do I need most?” Do not answer superficially, for example:
- "I need a loved one to vacation together."
- "I want my boss to like my ideas."
- "I need someone from my family around so that we can worry about my father together."
- "I wish I had a friend who understands my sense of humor."
Also, don't link your needs to the relationship that ended: "I need the sense of security he gave me" or "I want to be looked at the way she looked at me."
Instead, analyze your deepest existential needs and determine what you absolutely need to develop and become better. For example:
- "It's important for me to feel needed."
- "I want to feel that I am loved."
- "I need to know that I have self-respect."
- "I want someone to know the real me."
Very often, our needs directly conflict with the breakup of a relationship: "It's important for me to feel needed, but my divorce made me feel like I could be easily replaced. " According to Antonio Pascual-Leone, it is from this contradiction that change begins. Admit it, at least to yourself.
Third step: analyze the end of the relationship
The last step to take is to go back to the moment the relationship ended, understand what exactly you lost, and work through the feelings that come with it. This usually means working through repressed anger and sadness. And dealing with the latter is especially difficult.
When we're sad, we usually remember the good things: "We'll never have a picnic in the park again" or "Now no family dinners on Wednesdays." “You need to say goodbye to these things and give them little ‘headstones’,” says the psychologist. “One of the reasons sadness is so hard to work through is because of the losses we don’t talk about. These are the hopes and dreams that you shared with another person.”
For a couple who divorced after a short marriage, such a loss may be a common child, which they will never have now. For business partners, this is a big project that they will never launch. Antonio Pascual-Leone says: “When I did psychotherapy with one client who was in prison, he already knew that his partner had abandoned him. And he told me: “We will never go on vacation together, and yet we saved money for the trip and even kept travel brochures.”
How to pass the third stage
- “What annoys and revolts me?”
- "What do I miss?"
- “What dreams and hopes do I need to say goodbye to?”
These are not the easiest questions. You will need inner strength and time to find the right answers to them. However, this is a key part of working through the gap. “The life cycle of healthy emotions is like a graph of a curve. They arise, you feel them, then you express them, and only then does the process end,” concludes Antonio Pascual-Leone.
Read also 🧐
- Why feelings cool down over time and how to prolong love
- How to understand when it’s worth fighting for a relationship, and when it’s time to put an end to it
- 7 hidden signs of disrespect that destroy relationships
6 steps after a breakup that will save you from making mistakes in a new relationship
August 17, 2020
1.End previous relationships
If you moved things to another apartment, stamped your divorce in your passport, or officially announced your separation on social networks, this does not mean that the relationship is over. They continue as you revisit the situation over and over again, revisit photos, spy on your ex on the Internet. It will not be possible to quickly forget about the past, it takes a certain period.
When a flower is transplanted into another pot, it first languishes under the new conditions, even though there is more space and better soil. It needs time to get used to and blossom. People are more complex, so you need it too.
Focus on taking care of yourself first and take your time. Move at your own pace. If you do not survive the pain of previous relationships, new ones will only add problems.
psychologist, conflictologist, head of the Center for Settlement of Social Conflicts
Wait a bit before starting a new relationship after a divorce or separation. Or a lot - it depends on how hard the breakup was for you. In my opinion, if the relationship lasted several years, then it is worth starting to build new ones no earlier than a year after the break.
2. Recover from trauma
Breaking up a relationship is traumatic for both parties. It does not matter who was the initiator, why you broke up, whether there are reasons for joy and relief. It will hurt. Being brave and pretending you don't care is not the best choice. Ignoring the problem, mental wounds cannot be cured.
It is necessary to restore yourself, starting with basic needs. First, adjust sleep and nutrition. As soon as the basic segments return to normal, you can begin to move towards communication with loved ones. Don't rush to make new friends right away. First you need to feel the ground again under your feet and lick your wounds next to those with whom you can be vulnerable and from whom you can receive love and care. And only after that gradually go out into society and add new hobbies and activities.
3. Work on self-esteem
Breaking up hurts self-esteem. You may doubt your attractiveness, scold yourself for not being able to maintain a relationship, feel guilty. All this makes you vulnerable. You can jump into a new relationship to prove to yourself and your past love that you're still awesome. Or, on the contrary, be afraid that no one will love you anymore, and start dating just anyone.
After the end of a relationship, a person is often overwhelmed by the fear of loneliness, the inability to live without someone's support. Such fears are mostly irrational and can be easily overcome when communicating with a psychologist. First of all, it is necessary to realize that there are no irreplaceable ones and it is absolutely always possible to find a more suitable partner.
It is possible that you will look not for a person, but for a function - someone who will help you forget, survive, become different from your past love. And it’s not a fact that such relationships will help you recover and be productive.
Many people are so unable to endure the pain of a breakup that they almost immediately decide to move into a new relationship. This story is very similar to walking on thin ice. And in fact, there is no resource in it - continuous internal tension. Starting a new relationship from a state where everything hurts and bleeds is like running with a broken leg and pretending like you're fine.
When you end a long relationship, it takes time to understand the new rules of the game. You have not flirted seriously for a long time, you have become older. The old templates no longer work. We'll have to figure out what has changed in the world and how Tinder works.
4. Learn to live alone
In a long-term relationship, one way or another, you get used to your partner, somewhere yielding to him, somewhere giving up your desires and habits. Loneliness is a great opportunity to return to the original version of yourself. Resetting the personality to the basic settings will not work, and it is not necessary: you have matured, gained experience and changed. Now you can afford to decide on your own desires, plans and aspirations without regard to the opinion of your partner.
The halves theory sounds nice. But it is better to come into relationships whole and build them with the same self-sufficient partner.
Before starting a new relationship, take care of your own well-being, career, health. If a person is successful and independent, a line of potential partners is lined up for him. And he slowly chooses with whom he is more comfortable. So after the end of the relationship, it is best to live without a partner for a while and strengthen your own positions. This does not mean that you need to abandon all meetings. They provide a lot of emotional nourishment, even if they don't lead to a relationship.
5. Work on the mistakes
There is usually a reason for a breakup, even if you broke up peacefully and without tragedy. In order not to repeat the same mistakes in the following relationships, you need to understand where you turned the wrong way. And it's not about redrawing yourself to the generally accepted standard. On the contrary, you have to understand yourself and accept yourself in order to choose more suitable people.
counseling psychologist, coach
Ideally, no matter how trite it may sound, you should go to a psychologist or psychotherapist to deal with this together with a specialist. Very often, a break in a relationship follows a repeating scenario. And working together with a psychologist will help you find and understand the internal causes that draw you into this scenario and trigger destructive relationships.
In addition, pay attention to possible mistakes in interaction with a partner. There are things that are easy to learn. But many ignore them, because they simply do not think that it was possible. For example, it is not necessary to demand telepathic abilities from a partner, and then be offended that he could not read thoughts. If you accept that this is impossible, and speak out your desires and feelings, life will become much easier.
To protect yourself from repeating the previous scenario, you need to take the time to work on the mistakes. For example, to realize where the merger took place and which of the partners completely dissolved themselves in the other. Maybe at some point they were too lazy to talk about the conflict, and the gap is just the result of resentment that has not found a way out. After a detailed analysis, you can see the points that need to be adjusted. If this is not done, then you can run into a similar relationship with the grace of a hippopotamus and go on a new circle of the same scenario, just with another person.
In general, it is important to remember that all people are different and the ways of interacting with a new partner will be different.
The usual tricks and habits will not work with a new person. You do not need to communicate with him in the same way as you are used to talking with your ex-husband or wife. You should not idealize a new partner, try to see a real person with all his advantages and disadvantages.
6. Don't focus on relationships
Do not make the search for a new love an end in itself. Even if you've done a lot of work on yourself, pursuing a relationship for the sake of a relationship is a weird thing to do.
At first, I generally recommend not to go in cycles in the search for a serious relationship. It is much more important to believe in yourself again, to feel desired, to increase self-esteem. It is important to gain new experience, to remember forgotten communication skills with the opposite sex. Learn to trust. As long as there are enough smooth, calm relationships (not necessarily love ones), thanks to which your life will become better.
How did you cope with parting? Share your experience in the comments.