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Living life intentionally


What It Means to Live Intentionally—and 11 Tips to Try

Having a routine is great—and yet, oftentimes we can find ourselves going about our entire day without even thinking about most of the things we do. If the majority of your life is spent operating on auto-pilot, that begs the question: Are you really creating the life that you want to be living? 

So many times, we stick to the way we’ve always done things just because that’s what we know. In reality, we may be different people than we were when we first chose to do it that way, or to be friends with that person, or to accept that career path. Or you could be making choices based on what you think you’re supposed to do and not what you actually want to do. 

Living with intention is the antidote for all of this. Learning how to live intentionally takes awareness and a regular commitment to show up, look at what you see in your life, and be honest with yourself. 

What Does It Mean to Live Life Intentionally?

Living with intention is somewhat subjective, in that the way you think about and apply it will vary depending on your values and circumstances. In general, you can think about intention as being mindful or present with yourself as you make choices or have experiences, with the end goal being to remain true to your values and what matters to you.

Here are two examples of what intention means to different people:

Sarah Normandin, MSW, a therapist and coach, thinks of intention as living in a way that is “authentic to my own experiences, aspirations, and goals. Rather than living up to others’ expectations, it means living a life aligned with my own values. Living intentionally is letting go of all the things our minds tell us we need to do in order to prove that we’re good enough—and then doing the things we would do if we already knew that we were.” 

For Kristina Gonzalez Sander, founder of In Bold Company, living intentionally “feels like a sense of peace and ease. It looks like making purposeful decisions and creating boundaries. Not living for others, but for myself. Over the past couple of years, I’ve become more intentional about what I put in my body, how I spend money, and how I spend my time. I better understand myself and what I want.” 

No matter your definition, intention applies to all areas of your life, whether that’s the way you manage your money, the jobs you pursue, the people you spend time with, where you travel, and more. 

Why Live Intentionally? What Are the Benefits?

Taking the time to make intentional choices and evaluate the path you’re on offers myriad benefits. Here is a handful: 

  • Clarity around the choices you’re making
  • Increased confidence and sense of ownership in your life
  • Excitement for the future
  • Optimism regarding your goals and the path you’re on to meet them
  • More enjoyment and pleasure from your daily life
  • More alignment between who you are and your core values 
  • A sense of empowerment when it comes to making future decisions

How to Live Intentionally: 11 Tips to Try 

As with most things, living with intention is a lifelong journey. If you’re new to thinking about how to live more intentionally, try out a few of these tips and see what happens from there. The important part is that you’re bringing thought and awareness to your life; there is no wrong way to start doing that. 

1. Identify Your Core Values

You may have noticed we’ve mentioned values a few times, and that’s no accident. Your values guide what intentional decision-making looks like for you. “You should be prioritizing your core values and principles and putting them into action on a daily basis,” says life and transition coach Ivana Robinson.

For Robinson, living with intention means building a life she doesn’t have to vacation from. She spends time every day focused on designing a life that she loves and enjoys.

2. Make a Pie Chart of Your Life

One way to see if you’re on track with your values is to create a pie chart, with segments representing each major area of life, such as:

  • Health and wellness
  • Love
  • Friendship
  • Family
  • Money
  • Environment
  • Creativity
  • Spirituality
  • Anything else that matters to you!

As you look at each piece of the pie, think about what you’re happy with in that area. Are there areas that you feel are neglected as compared to others? This can help you start to think of ways to become more balanced and see the areas you need to focus on. 

3. Get to Know Yourself With Compassion

A big part of living intentionally for Gonzalez Sander was getting to know herself and using compassion to dig deeper to discover what motivated and excited her. She asked herself questions like: 

  • What do I value? 
  • What do I care about? 
  • What do I not care about? 
  • What do I do because others do it? 

As you ask these questions, Gonzalez Sander recommends listening to yourself with compassion, rather than judgement. This will help you learn more about yourself without becoming overwhelmed. 

4. Realize There Will Never Be a “Perfect” Time To Prioritize What You Want

For songwriter and musician Micah McKee, prioritizing art is non-negotiable—and he believes you should start sooner rather than later: “Living intentionally for me is creating the art that feels the most meaningful and urgent to me and my community. In my life, I’ve prioritized my artistic goals instead of keeping them on the back burner until it’s convenient to do so. Once you start chipping away at your obstacles, your path will be laid out before you—and sooner than you think.” 

5. Declutter Your Belongings

Intention extends to the things you own as well. Take a look around your home. Are you holding onto things because you’ve had them for a long time? Are there things you can sell or donate? Sometimes clearing physical space by decluttering can help change our energy for the better and allow us to see other areas we need to cull. 

6. Surround Yourself With Support and Let Go of Negative Relationships

Jennie Berger, co-founder of High Vibe Collective, believes that having a supportive circle around you is critical. “You’re only as good as your weakest link,” she points out. “At some point, I really understood that just because someone is in your life or you’ve known them for a long time doesn’t mean you have to remain friends. If they aren’t good for you, let them go.” 

Robinson agrees, saying, “I only surround myself with people who truly want me to win.” 

7. Consider the Tradeoffs You Can Make

If you realize you aren’t in alignment with where you want to be, you may have to evaluate what you can cut back on or where you can make a shift. For Normandin, that looked like reducing expenses so that she could enjoy free time and not feel pressured to constantly work. She’s also opted for a small, affordable condo rather than a large house. “I don’t think my choices will be the same as everyone else’s, but the point is to honor what feels good to me,” she states.

8. Get Organized With Your Time and Money

You’ll be better able to make intentional decisions about your time and money if you’re first organized and aware of how you spend those resources. Examine your schedule or map out the way you spend most of your days. Are you still committing your time to things that no longer interest you?  Are there parts of that that seem especially chaotic or inefficient? Can you become more organized and free up time to use elsewhere? 

Likewise, look at your spending habits and check whether they match up with your stated values. If you value charity, for example, are you able to set up any giving initiatives? If you value experiences over things, does your spending reflect that? 

9. Listen to Your Gut

You’re the only one who knows what you want and what will make you happy. Trust your instincts if they’re leading you in a certain direction. “Developing a relationship with my intuition was a big turning point for me,” Normandin says. “I realized that no matter what stories my mind was telling, my gut was usually (sometimes annoyingly) honest.” 

10. Start Small and Embrace the Challenges Along the Way

Berger recommends taking things one day at a time. If you find something small you want to change and make an effort to do so, other things usually start falling into place. And try not to be afraid of challenges that come up along the way; trust that you’ll learn from them as you go. “There’s a quote about how if something doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you,” Berger notes. “That’s stuck with me a lot, especially over the last year. ” 

11. Remember That Living Intentionally Takes Time

Remember that figuring out how to live more intentionally won’t happen all at once. If you feel overwhelmed, think about the positive: It’s amazing that you have the ability and agency to improve your life, whenever you decide. It’s incredible that you get to wake up every day and make new choices, regardless of the ones you’ve made in the past. 

Living intentionally doesn’t happen overnight. You can, however, take small steps now and continue to check in as you go to make sure you’re always being true to yourself, your values, and the life you hope to lead. 

Seeking More Intention in Your Life?

Document Your Life: 4 Methods to Live More Intentionally

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Be Intentional: 14 Ways to be Intentional Every Day

BE INTENTIONAL: 14 WAYS TO BE INTENTIONAL EVERY DAY

Discover 14 simple ways to be intentional every day. Learn more about intentional living and living every day filled with clarity, focus and purpose. Stop living on auto-pilot and choose a meaningful, intentional life on your own terms.

WHAT IS INTENTIONAL LIVING?

Intentional living is a lifestyle that encourages us to define our priorities, get clear on what we want from life and live each day in alignment with these priorities.

In simple terms, living intentionally means deciding what you want from life and going for it!

In today’s busy world, where many of us are overstretched and juggling ‘all the things’, it’s probably not a surprise to learn that intentional living is becoming increasingly popular.

Instead of chasing our tails and struggling with life in the fast lane, we’re seeking out a life of purpose, direction, clarity, peace and joy instead. A life on our terms instead of a life dictated to us by our schedule or To Do list.

For an introduction to intentional living and what being intentional means to me (and what it could mean for you) try this article for a beginners guide to intentional living.

HOW TO BE INTENTIONAL

Being intentional isn’t expensive or time-consuming. It won’t involve you giving everything up or throwing it all away, unless you want to, of course!

An intentional life is about making small, conscious daily decisions about what enhances your life and what just clutters, distracts and pulls you off course. It is the sum of these small decisions that shapes the bigger picture of your life.

“Intentional living is the art of making our own choices before others’ choices make us.” (Richie Norton)

If an intentional life speaks to your heart then this article can suggest some simple ways to be intentional every day. We’ll look at some practical tips and suggestions to help you create a life that’s more on your terms.

Whether it’s being intentional with your time, relationships, self-care, finances, priorities or anything else that makes up your life, I hope you find these ideas helpful in creating a life that truly supports you (instead of just running you into the ground!).

STARTING TO BE INTENTIONAL

When I first began decluttering and simplifying my own life, I didn’t have it in mind to be intentional. In fact, I didn’t even know what intentional living was!

I just knew that my busy life and busy home was making my body and brain feel overwhelmed. I was being pushed and pulled in different directions by life and I felt I was increasingly losing my way.

I’d lost sight of what I wanted out of life, what was truly and deeply important to me and what made life meaningful and purposeful. In fact, I was too busy running to and fro, juggling kids and work and snatching sleep and energy bars whenever I could.

This wasn’t how I wanted life to be, but I wasn’t sure how to change it either.

Decluttering my home and simplifying life were how I began to be intentional, even if I didn’t realise it at the time.

I made a series of small, daily decisions about what was important and what wasn’t. I let go of clutter, kept out stuff and made boundaries to protect the things that were far more important to be just stuffing in my life.

It wasn’t without challenges and many times I felt like I’d lost momentum or was ‘doing it wrong’. But, gradually, over time, I noticed that my approach to everyday life changed. The choices, decisions, actions, habits and routines that I created and lived by were how I began to live intentionally – deliberately, purposefully and aware.

In this article I thought it might be helpful to share what I did to be intentional every day.

14 WAYS TO BE INTENTIONAL EVERY DAY

Here are some ideas on how to be intentional every day. Try them out and see how they work for you!

1. Have a clear structure for your day

Create a solid and consistent morning and evening routine for yourself (and your family). Having a clear framework for your day will help start and end your day on the right note, however busy you’ve been in between.

This clear structure will help you create time for yourself, time for family and time for your priorities.

My favourite quote from Annie Dillard comes to mind…

“How you spend your days is how you spend your life. ”

If you need more convincing that an intentional life starts with an intentional day then this quote is a powerful reminder of that.

A clear structure doesn’t need to be rigid or stop you doing things on a whim but it does give you a flexible way to structure your day and carve out time for what’s important (to you, not your To Do list!).

Read my post on creating a simple morning routine to prepare you for the day ahead and how to create a simple evening routine to wind down and re-set your home and yourself ready for bed.

2. Be careful with your money

How easy is it to hit the shops when we need a quick pick-me-up or if we’re bored and can’t think of anything else to do?

Everyone needs to go shopping sometimes and it’s lovely to get new things. However, be intentional about what you spend your money on. Don’t buy things or waste your money on stuff that you don’t really need or want that will just drain your bank account and clutter your cupboards.

Check out this article on how to shop with intention.

3. Declutter your home

Your home is your space but everything in it comes at a price. Either what you’ve paid for it in the first place or in terms of how you spend your time and energy looking after it.

Be intentional about what you keep in your home. Declutter the stuff that you no longer love, need or adds value in some way. Enjoy living in an uncluttered home that’s easier to keep clean and tidy, freeing your space, time and energy for other things in life.

Try these 20 ways to declutter your home for some decluttering projects to get you started!

4. Define your priorities and goals

How often do you think about your goals and what you want to achieve in life? As a busy person, you might think that your goal is just to get through the day but there’s so much more you can do!

Priorities and goals help us find clarity for what we want out of life. They remind us that we’re still individuals in our own right, as well as being a parent, a partner (and any other of the hundred different hats we wear daily!).

Be intentional about your priorities and goals by checking out this post on how to set goals and achieve them.

5. Invest your time wisely

Time is precious. It’s arguably our most limited resource and also perhaps the one that we often waste or mis-use the most.

Don’t take on too much, stretch yourself too thin, overbook or double book yourself or say ‘yes’ to things when you’d rather say ‘no’. Be intentional with your time and spend it in a way that aligns with your priorities. Don’t forget, use the free worksheet available with this article if you need to clarify your priorities.

Check out this post on how to be intentional with your time for some more ideas.

6. Strengthen your important relationships

When life gets busy, it’s easy to take the relationships we have with others for granted. We forget or neglect making the effort to connect and spend time with the people who mean the most to us. 

Relationships matter though and to be strong they need work. Be intentional about your relationships. Focus on the ones that are mutually supportive and find ways to distance yourself from the ones that seem a little one-sided. After reading this, why not go call your parent, arrange a coffee with your best friend, chat with your spouse or play with your kids?

Check out this post on how to strengthen your relationship with your partner if you have one. If you don’t a partner, maybe you could think about some of the other relationships in your life?

7. Cultivate a positive mindset

How we think about our life, the choices and decisions we make and whether we take action (or not) is all down to our mindset. Don’t let life pass you by without making the most of it.

To fully embrace an intentional life, explore ways to nurture a positive, healthy mindset and declutter your mind to find clarity and focus,

Check out my powerful little workbook on how to master your mindset.

8. Develop healthy habits

We all know the importance of looking after ourselves, keeping fit and eating healthily. But, you don’t have to run the marathon or even commit to a gym membership if it’s not realistic! Instead, just be intentional about how you use your body and what you put into it. 

Decide to take more exercise, even if it’s just regular walks with the dog or the kids. Pay attention to the food you buy and feed your family. You’ll have more energy, feel better and be more able to enjoy a fuller, happier life.

Check out my post on meal planning for some inspiration.

9. Be aware of your mental health

Pay attention to your mental health, be intentional and aware of your emotions and state of mind. If you’re feeling angry, upset, anxious or overwhelmed, give some thought to what triggered these feelings, how they’re affecting you and what you can do to make them better. 

Don’t be afraid to ask for help and take up offers of support. Don’t bury your negative thoughts under the carpet and hope they’ll go away. Own them and try to do something about them.

A good first step when you’re feeling low or out-of-sorts, is to write everything down on paper so you can clarify and organise your thoughts and come up with an action plan. After all, taking action is a key part of living with intention!

Check out my post on how to do a brain dump to declutter your mind for some handy help with this.

10. Self-care and self-reflection

We so easily put ourselves to the bottom of the priority list. Instead, be intentional about creating some time for yourself and you’ll be a better and stronger person because of it, much more able to withstand the rigours of daily life and ready for new opportunities when they come your way!

Self-care and self-reflection are great ways to be intentional. They encourage us to focus on ourselves within, rather than the world outside. Much of our days are spent navigating our outer environments but it’s what’s happening on the inside (our inner environments) that’s important for a meaningful, intentional life.

Develop some daily self-care habits and explore ways to declutter your mind regularly.

11. Plan, prepare and get organised

I believe that getting organised truly supports an intentional life. It isn’t just about getting organised. More importantly, it’s about what getting organised can give you.

If you plan, prepare and organise your day or life a little then you can create more time, more calm and ease, more freedom, less stress and less going around in circles. You know what needs to be done and when, you’ll forget things less, foresee and avoid problems and just generally feel more in control.

Stop winging it though life and get yourself more organised with this post on 15 ways to make life easier or these 25 ways to be more organised.

Here are some other popular posts on getting organised:

  • Mindful questions for a mid-week check in
  • Monthly checklist to simplify your life
12.
Consume social media mindfully

Sometimes I need to step away and take a break from social media. I use it for my job, for my blog, and sometimes personally but there comes a point where I feel ready for a break.

I like to know what’s going on in other peoples’ lives but I also like to work on my own life. Not only is it a great waste of time scrolling randomly through feeds, it’s also easy to get drawn in to sharp marketing, slick lifestyle shots and other images and posts that make me feel less than. I don’t want to compare what I look like with others, or what my home looks like, or how full my life is.

Consuming social media mindfully means I’m aware of what adds value to my life and that, perhaps more importantly, I’m aware of when my scrolling is negatively impacting my mindset, my time or my self-worth.

Try these tips to limit social media use.

13. Practice gratitude

Being grateful for what we have, instead of chasing what we don’t is key to living intentionally. When we’re always searching outside of ourselves for things to make us happier, richer, more successful or anything else that we covet or think we can’t live without, then we’ll never be fulfilled. Often though, we have much of what we need already, around and inside of us. Intentional living and the attitude of gratitude helps us harness that.

Try my free 30-day Gratitude Challenge to create a consistent, uplifting gratitude practice.

14. Avoid comparison and focus on your life

Stop trying to be anything but you! Don’t worry about what anyone else is doing in their life, focus on your own and making it the best life it can be.

Be intentional in creating a great life for yourself. Identify what’s working and what’s not and make changes where they need to be made. This is YOUR life. Be intentional about it!

MORE RESOURCES ON HOW TO BE INTENTIONAL

If you’d like to explore ways to be intentional and how to get the most out of your life, here are some resources which you might find helpful:

  • Intentional Living – a beginner’s guide to a meaningful life
  • 20 ways to simplify your life – ideas to create ease with less stress
  • How to create an intentional morning routine
  • Essential mindsets to help you get more out of life
  • Declutter Starter Kit – a free guide and workbook to help you understand the what, why and how of decluttering. Projects, tips and guidance to clear the clutter in your home and life.
  • Simplify Your Life – my popular little course and an introduction to intentional living and what it could mean for you
QUOTES TO INSPIRE AN INTENTIONAL LIFE

As I mentioned above, words are powerful things. So too is our mind.

In many of my posts or if you follow me on Instagram, I like to share journal prompts, thoughts for the day or quotes on being intentional.

A couple of my favourites which I’d like to share with you here are:

“Wherever you are, be all there.” (Jim Elliot)

“Every action has an impact, choose wisely the impact you want to have.” (Mindy Hall)

For more intentional living quotes, hop over to Wisdom Quotes for a little inspiration and encouragement.

IN SUMMARY

Just to re-cap on what we’ve covered, here are 14 ways to be intentional every day…

  1. Have a clear structure for your day – Establish daily routines
  2. Be careful with your money – Spend wisely
  3. Declutter your home – Clear clutter to create space and calm
  4. Define your priorities and goals – Define what’s important
  5. Invest your time wisely – Don’t waste time
  6. Strengthen your important relationships – Spend time with loved ones
  7. Cultivate a positive mindset – Challenge limiting beliefs
  8. Develop healthy habits – Be mindful of your actions
  9. Be aware of your mental health – Cultivate a positive mindset
  10. Self-care and self-reflection – Do the inner work
  11. Plan, prepare and get organised – Establish systems and routines
  12. Consume social media mindfully – Step away from the screen
  13. Practice gratitude – Be grateful
  14. Avoid comparison and focus on your life – Personal growth and self-development
FURTHER READING

I hope this information has been helpful to you. For more articles on Intentional Living, hop over to the Intentional Living archives.

If you have any questions, please drop me an email at [email protected] and I’d be happy to help!

12 tips for those who live alone

1. Decide who you want to be

Use three adjectives to describe the kind of person you want to be. Perhaps, over time, the image will change, but the very fact of its presence is very important: the chosen qualities will serve as a value guide and the basis for decisions and actions. Perhaps some qualities will be relevant for a short time, for a specific task or goal. Others will stay with you for a long time. Decide for yourself. Adjectives don't have to be serious. Perhaps you have experienced difficult times, so cheer yourself up.

Think about whether you want to be: positive, courageous, kind, skillful, strong, motivated, calm, optimistic, wise, gentle, loving, resilient, generous, compassionate, open, efficient, friendly, active, energetic, patient, happy , generous, passionate, disciplined, responsible, caring.

Act like the person you would like to be, and eventually you will be. Be your own beacon and guide.

2. Control your reactions

Very often you will have to mobilize all your internal resources in order to remain strong and courageous. You must admit that you cannot run away from unpleasant emotions and do not shrug them off. You have to face them, recognize these feelings, understand them properly and learn how to control them.[…]

It is very important to remember this when people hurt your feelings - intentionally or accidentally. They themselves are not always aware of the impact of their words and actions. At such moments, I try not to forget that people only project their own attitude towards themselves onto me. Impulsively reacting to the remark of the interlocutor, you give him your strength. If I see that a person is really trying to hurt me, then I mentally raise a shield with a mirror turned in his direction to protect myself and show him that now he is not talking about me, but about himself.

Of all the pieces of advice I've received in my life, one of the most helpful has been this: you can't influence how people treat you or change certain situations, but you can control how you react to them.

You are unable to change the direction of the wind, but you are able to control your sails.

The same goes for living alone: ​​perhaps you would like to share shelter with another adult or have a family, but the reality is that there is no one around, so it will depend on your attitude to the current situation how joyful it will be for you such a life.

As my own life experience shows, we are hardened by difficulties. A grain of sand in a shell turns into a pearl. Therefore, perceive any troubles - and they will be - as veils, passing through which you will become stronger and wiser. And if you urgently need to throw out seething emotions, take a dozen eggs and go for a walk in the forest; throw eggs at the trees with all your might - and feel how satisfaction replaces anger!

3.

Look down on loneliness

The very fact that there is no one around does not mean anything. The problem is the feeling of loneliness that appears under different masks. It can hide behind sadness, apathy, indifference, fatigue, depression. It is palpable. It is real. So it just won't go away. How to overcome it?

Understand that this is normal. Accept your loneliness and move on. There is no escape from the feeling of loneliness. It is a fact. Everyone I talked to while working on the book touched on the topic of loneliness. Everyone experiences this feeling: some more, some less. It is as if you are driving through hilly terrain and from time to time descend into dark lowlands. This feeling is to be expected. The main thing is not to linger in the lowlands, not to set up camp there.

You can fight the coming feeling of loneliness by moral and physical means. The former are much more important. You can, of course, physically surround yourself with people, but your sense of self has nothing to do with them. This is an inner attitude. You can't hide from him; you will only run away from yourself. So accept, reconcile and live with it further.

Accept that feelings of loneliness, like happiness, sadness, death, birth, love, and delight, are part and parcel of being human.

Humble yourself and move on.

4. Replace “loneliness” with “solitude”

Paul Tillich wrote: “Language wisely separates the two sides of one phenomenon. There is a word "loneliness" which means suffering without others. And there is the word "solitude", which means bliss without others. Turn away from loneliness with its criticism and isolation. Face its friendlier brother, solitude.

Solitude is closer to a conscious decision and allows you to maintain self-esteem. Solitude is your personal choice, while loneliness is a condition imposed by circumstances.

An old Buddhist saying says, "A tenth of an inch apart, and heaven and earth are separated. " Solitude and loneliness are also separated by a tenth of an inch, but for our sense of self, it is crucial.

When you live alone, you have to rethink your worldview, and this is not all the changes. Don't even think about considering life alone as a prison sentence that you have to serve. Change the angle of view. Reframe the concept. Solitude is not a stone around the neck, but a protective capsule. A means to an end. Learn to draw strength from it - and you will be rewarded.

5. Happiness at will

“If you want to be happy, be happy,” said Tolstoy. He knew something about life even before scientists came to grips with the study of the problem of happiness, and the authors raced to write their practical guides for those who want to find the joy of life.

The world is as you see it. So if you feel like you missed your chance or that life has treated you unfairly, that is your reality. I'm not saying you should think positively with a fake smile on your face, but research (and common sense) indicates that a positive mental attitude leads to a positive outcome. In the morning, as soon as your feet touch the floor, think about how you would like to live the day ahead.

Experts have proven that happiness contributes to success, and not vice versa.

6. Increase your strength with a totem

We lonely people are like aerial acrobats in a circus performing without a safety net. Criticism and caustic comments can throw us off balance in no time, and I never cease to be surprised and upset by their number. Some come from strangers, some come from friends and enemies pretending to be friends. Most of these people do not know what it means to live alone, and do not even know how much their statements hurt us.

Okay, don't worry, life goes on. Without false optimism, I am sure that difficulties harden us and give us the opportunity to learn something, even if it may take many years to master the lesson. Perhaps our abusers are learning something too.

We must become thick-skinned. Wrap yourself up in an imaginary protective cloak and let it ward off all hurt.

I learned resilience from three animals and began to consider them my totems. This is a wild dog, a lioness and a bison.

Wild dog Solo

When I was a child, I was given a book by Hugo van Lawick "Solo". It tells about a puppy of a hyena-like dog. After the death of the brothers in a fight with other dogs, Solo is left alone. She is nailed to a strange flock and tries her best to keep up with her. The strangers ignore her, but she doesn't give up. For me, this dog with burning eyes and ears torn from numerous fights is the embodiment of resilience. Her story serves as an example for me.

Lioness

During that period of my life, when the divorce proceedings were going on, I accidentally came across an image that made a deep impression on me. On a bas-relief in the British Museum, I saw an Assyrian lioness: wounded, she continues to fight. Now I see myself as a lonely lioness, rejuvenated, restrained and proud.

Bison

Did you know that during a snow storm, of all living creatures, only bison instinctively turn around and go straight into the heart of the storm, knowing that this is the shortest escape route. Maybe I'm too anthropomorphic, but it's impossible not to fall in love with an animal that, without batting an eyelid, rushes towards difficulties.

Solo's tenacity, the lioness's desperate resistance, and the buffalo's ability to face adversity remind me that I must not succumb to the negativity of pessimists, spiteful critics, and imaginary friends.

7. Turn your lonely life into a project

Why not write a book about your story of living alone or document it? What helps you? What advice would you give to other people in the same situation? What challenges did you face and what lessons did you learn from them? How did the process of changing self-awareness from “I am alone” to “I am on my own” develop?

Many women have described their experiences of solitary life, including Joan Anderson ("A Year By the Sea"), Ann-Morrow Lindbergh ("The Gift of the Sea") and Alix Cates Schulman ("Drinking in the Rain" [ Drinking the Rain]). Read. Perhaps you will find something inspiring in these books.

A fulfilling life in solitude is an inner attitude that will not form by itself. Explore new experiences as if you were in an unfamiliar country, and draw a map of your life on your own as if it were an island. What is good about this island, and where are the problems? What beauties are you proud of? What areas have not yet been explored?

8. Be kind to yourself

We women are prone to severe self-criticism, and it seems to me that living alone exacerbates this quality of ours. Sometimes I feel like the central mast of the circus dome - when I have to be responsible for everything at once - and I do not always successfully cope with this load. We demand too much of ourselves, and when we fail to live up to our own expectations, our self-esteem is greatly undermined.

Not everyone is going smoothly. So don't think about others. Congratulate yourself on the progress you've made and don't be afraid of what's yet to be done. Everything will work out.

Each of us has our own path, and it is different for everyone.

9. Find your ikigai - your goal

The Japanese have such a thing as ikigai - the reason that makes them get up in the morning. This is a healthy human craving for what fills his life with meaning; in other words, the goal. To find it means to find the direction of movement; it's like marking a destination on Google Maps.

If you do not set yourself such global tasks as the search for a higher goal or vocation, if you are not up to it at all, do not worry. Not everyone is born for a great mission.

There are many threads of experience in our life that point the way to the goal. It happens that it is already known, but perhaps hiding in the periphery or in the past. Look into the depths of your consciousness and search properly. The goal does not have to be global and great. The main thing is that it suits you. She will be found; And don't be too hard on chasing her. Life is constantly talking to us and giving clues. Our job is to listen.

10.

Be your own good company, inspiration and support group

You are your own team. One person team. You spend more time with yourself than anyone else, so try to be good company to yourself. I'm lucky. I'm good on my own. But if everything is not right for you, how can you improve the situation?

People rarely compliment or praise others, so fill that vacuum yourself. Don't wait for someone to tell you "well done" or "great job". Give yourself a regular pat on the back. You do not lose heart and move on - this is already worthy of praise.

11. Shut the door in the face of everything negative

If you are tormented by negative thoughts, do not dismiss them, but acknowledge them. You can even give them names if that helps: “you are pettiness”, “you are impatience”, “you are tired and frustrated”. Now, with Nora's determination, slam the door in their faces so they don't ruin your life anymore.

Instead of complaining about how and why you got into this or that situation, find the nearest reflective surface and say out loud what you are going to do about this situation.

Of course, everything happens in life. I don't live in a fantasy world and I don't wear rose-colored glasses. My heart still shrinks a little at the sound of my “thank you” to the cashier at the supermarket, said in a voice hoarse from a day of silence. And sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I can't sleep because of the stress. I miss the comforting feeling of having someone around to rely on.

The thoughts in your head are not inactive, and the negative is always doing its dirty work. They whisper in your ear, “You are old. You are not pretty. You are a loser. You are fat. Is it possible to love you? What use are you to the world?" Women, on the other hand, are very strong by nature, and it is doubly insulting that we voluntarily become hostages of these vile voices in our heads.

Fight them as best you can, do not succumb to their corrupting influence. We must depower them, otherwise they will take root and bloom luxuriantly. Don't let yourself wallow in habitual dissatisfaction with everything and everything: it's an emotional dead end. Pull yourself out of the swamp, shake off the dirt and move on. You choose your own thoughts.

12. Act as if…

The words we choose greatly affect our sense of self, our approach to many things, the result of our actions. The more often you say “I want…” or “I need…”, the less likely you are to get what you want. Instead, act as if everything has already happened and you are reaping the rewards. Replace "I would like to be successful" with "I am successful" and "I would like to have a job that I like" with "I have a great job" and act accordingly. You will immediately notice a dramatic change in your attitude to the world. This mental attitude is much more likely to lead you to success.

I am confident in the effectiveness of this technique, because I myself was forced to look for a full-time job when I was already over fifty, and everything worked out. Now I have to do it again. A harmful inner voice whispers: "I'm too old, no one will hire me." I understand that such prophecies turn into a disaster, so I deliberately changed my internal attitude to “Now I bring a lot of benefit to my clients. I am calm about my abilities, I am confident in them, I have significant valuable experience behind me.”

However, sitting at home doing positive auto-training, reading The Secret and eating donuts, I'm unlikely to find a job. To do this, I have to shake up my connections and send out a resume with a compelling cover letter. Now I approach this task with confidence and act as if...

If you can't do it, try to rephrase the problems in a positive, pragmatic way, look at them as tasks for which you just need to find solutions.

  • Was: "I can't afford it." It became: “How can I make it so that I can afford it?”
  • It was: "I can't." It became: “How can I be able to?”
  • It was: "It seems difficult to me." It became: "I am working in this direction."
  • Was: "I should have." It became: "I will do it."

In general, the idea is clear.

This too shall pass

When problems pile up all at once and you start to think that your boat is about to fill with water, put things into perspective. Whatever difficulties you are facing right now, this is just a tiny dot on the line of your life. In a year or five, today's events will mean much less or be forgotten altogether. You are stronger than you think.

Australian writer Jane Matthews believes that the ability to be alone and at the same time enjoy life is a simple skill, but it requires some effort and mental work. It's like learning a foreign language. In his book Life in Solo Style. How to live alone and enjoy it,” she sincerely talks about what helped her.

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  • 13 tips to enjoy being alone
  • How not to suffer from loneliness
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10 thoughts that Lev Landau remembers - Russia |

Kaleidoscope January 21, 2014 6:41 pm

Interfax-Russia.ru - Famous theoretical physicist, Nobel Prize winner Lev Landau was born on January 22. The scientist was remembered not only for his discoveries in the field of physics, but also for his sharp mind and sense of humor. Many of his statements, not related to science, have become winged.

Life

"Everyone has enough strength to live life worthily. And all this talk about what a difficult time it is now is a clever way to justify one's inaction, laziness and various despondency. You have to work, and then, you see, times will change."

About policy

"Our system is a dictatorship of a class of officials, a class of bureaucrats. I reject that our system is socialist, because the means of production do not belong to the people, but to the bureaucracy."

Women

"How strange: women usually take care of their clothes so that everything is in fashion and pay so little attention to facial expressions, which is much more important than all the outfits. A person's face sometimes happens like a bear's, I try not to look at such faces" .

About happiness

"It is better to pretend to be happy than sincerely consider yourself unhappy."

"We must constantly strive for happiness, this is a person's duty, his duty. Moreover, everyone must learn to enjoy life. And our system of education is such that not a cheerful mood is considered the norm, but a concentrated, sad mood."

Education

"Some believe that the teacher is stealing from his students. Others that the students are stealing from the teacher. I think that both are right, and participation in this mutual stealing is wonderful."

"Education is now essential for every profession. An uneducated person will always be second class."

About work

"You cannot make a scientific career on decency alone. This will inevitably lead to the fact that there will be neither science nor decency."

"There will be no success from idleness. You can be a good specialist without loving your specialty. But this does not apply to science and art. In science and art, if you do not have a soul for them, you can only be mediocrity."

"Talented manuscripts are published sooner or later. And talk about the impossibility of being published is a refuge for lazybones. They just don't have to work. And if there are terrible difficulties, then it's better not to start."

Sources:

Maya Bessarab "Thus spoke Landau"

Kora Landau-Drobantseva "Academician Landau. How We Lived"

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