How do i get to know myself better

26 Questions To Help You Know Yourself Better

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By Sharon Martin, LCSW on April 22, 2016

Developmentally, we wrestle with “finding ourselves” as teens and young adults. Then we often revisit these questionsin middle age. It’s both normal and essential to seek self-understanding.In order to accept ourselvesand establish a sense of belonging, we need to understand who we are. A strong sense of self helps us navigate life and brings meaning to our experiences. Without it, we feel “lost.”

We put everyone else’s needs before our own. When we focus on others and neglect ourselves, we fail to recognize and value ourselves and our needs. We minimize who we are and what we need.
We’re disconnected from our thoughts and feelings. We commonly keep ourselves so distracted and numb with alcohol, food, and electronics that we miss important information about who we are. How often do you reach for your phone or a snack whenever you get even slightly uncomfortable? These things keep us from knowing ourselves because we don’t allow ourselves to be curious and ask ourselves how we’re really feeling.

We experience life transitions and changes in our roles. Experience like adivorce, retirement, job loss,death of a loved one, or other traumatic events can also result in losing oursense of self, especially the parts associated withour roles.
We feel ashamed and unworthy, and consequently bury parts of ourselves. We were told that we’re bad, strange, ugly, stupid, or unworthy. We were criticized or teased. Maybe you loved to play chess as a kid, but were told that it’s not cool to join the chess club. Soyou quit. Or perhaps you were shamed for your sexual orientation and tried to deny it. We’re told we have to fit a certain mold if we’re to fit in. So, we squish our squarepeg selves into round holes and try to be something we’re not. After years of doing this, we lose track of who we really are.

I’ve created some questions and journaling prompts that will help you rediscover yourself.

What are my strengths?
What are my short-term goals? Long-term goals?
Who matters most to me? Who are my support people?
What am I ashamed of?
What do I like to do for fun?
What new activities am I interested in or willing to try?
What am I worried about?
What are my values? What do I believe in? (consider politics, religion, social issues)
If I could have one wish, it would be ___________
Where do I feel safest?
What or who gives me comfort?
If I wasn’t afraid, I would ___________
What ismy proudest accomplishment?
What is my biggest failure?
Am I a night owl or an early bird? How can I arrange my life to better suit this part of my nature?
What do I like about my job? What do I dislike?
What does my inner critic tell me?
What do I do to show myselfself-compassion and self-care?
Am I an introvert or an extrovert? Am I energized being around others or being by myself?
What am I passionate about?
What is my happiest memory?
What do my dreams tell me?
What is my favorite book? Movie? Band? Food? Color? Animal?
What am I grateful for?

When I’m feeling down I like to ___________________
I know I’m stressed when I ______________________

I’ve given you a lot of questions. I suggest answering onlyone or two per day so you can explore them in depth. Work at your own pace. Perhaps one per week is more realistic for you. There is no judgment and this isn’t a race. Rediscovering yourself is a process. It will take thinking, talking, writing, and doing.

I wish you well on your journey.

Sharon

*****

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2016 Sharon Martin, LCSW Photo by: Travis Wise

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By Sharon Martin, LCSW on April 22, 2016

8 Approaches to Know Yourself Better

Most of us only know ourselves on a surface level. You can deepen your self-discovery with these creative exercises.

Many of us can name our favorite foods, books, and shows. But we might be less inclined to have a deeper self-awareness — the kind that connects the dots between our past and present or picks up on how our emotions may be guiding our behavior.

Sometimes, when life becomes particularly stressful or hectic — like it is right now — we may experience monumental transformation. Or, we might disconnect from ourselves and lose our deeper well of knowledge.

Either way, you can take this as an opportunity to explore who you are today with these wide-ranging exercises.

Before we dive into exercises to try, it’s helpful to understand why knowing ourselves better is as essential as knowing which meds we’re swallowing or where to put the gas versus the oil in our vehicles.

Here are some of the biggest reasons:

Responding more effectively to life

“Gaining a deeper understanding of ourselves helps us to be responsible — or response-able — meaning we can respond to life, rather than react,” says Joey Hulin, a meditation teacher based in Cornwall, United Kingdom, and author of the book “Your Spiritual Almanac: A Year of Living Mindfully.”

Deeper introspection prevents us from drowning in difficult situations and emotions, allowing us to make wiser, more thoughtful decisions.

“It is the difference between being completely consumed by stress, and having the ability to notice when we feel stressed and then course-correct to be more grounded and balanced,” Hulin says.

Not letting unresolved emotions unwittingly dictate our actions

Without even realizing it, many of us hold on to anger, grief, shame, and other emotions that come out in sometimes surprising and confusing ways, says Linn Martinsen, a psychotherapeutic counselor in London, United Kingdom, and author of the book “Therapy Toolkit: 60 Cards for Self-Exploration. ”

We may lash out at loved ones, driving a wedge between us. We may cling to toxic habits (and people). We may avoid taking on exciting projects, fearing failure or humiliation.

Discovering and understanding buried emotions helps us get back into the driver’s seat and navigate our lives.

Creating the life we truly want

Knowing ourselves also helps us create a more meaningful, satisfying life. Because when you understand your true yearnings and core values and take the time to process your emotions, you can take actions that build an authentic life.

There are many different ways to immerse yourself in self-discovery — from exploring activities that resonate with you to excavating deep-seated emotions.

Examine your reactions

“Becoming aware of your physical self and how it responds to the world around you can give invaluable information about your deeper inner life,” says Martinsen.

Why?

Our bodies hold insights, too — often without our cognitive awareness, she says.

According to Martinsen, any time you have a strong physical sensation, instead of reacting right away, you could pause for a moment and perhaps ask yourself these questions:

What exactly am I feeling in my body?
When I shift my attention to my physical self, what feelings do I notice?
What was said or what happened just before my reaction?
What might feel familiar from my past?
What do I need and how would I like to be heard?

Keep a dream journal

Our dreams are often mysteries, or just plain weird — but that’s actually the point. “Consciously allowing space and time to that which you may not fully understand can be a powerful way to gain deeper knowledge of yourself,” notes Martinsen.

During sleep, our minds may work through difficult situations. Our emotions may reveal themselves in the safe confines of our dreams.

To keep a dream journal:

Put a notebook and pen on your nightstand.
Jot down what you remember as soon as you wake up.
Make a quick list of what happened, how you felt, what you thought, and any specific details — no matter how small or seemingly meaningless.
Reflect on any connections between the dream and your current or past feelings or situations, or any patterns or themes that emerge over time.

Keep a regular journal, too

Journaling, in general, is “a process of sifting through the weeds of the mind, bringing what is below the surface of our awareness up into the light,” says Hulin.

Journaling also “helps us understand the narrative of the mind, and to safely and nonjudgmentally express and process thoughts, feelings, and emotions, even the most challenging ones,” adds Hulin.

There are many ways to journal, including using specific prompts, making lists, or writing down whatever comes to mind at the moment. What’s best is really up to you.

To get started, you might try these prompts:

“Right now, I am feeling…”
“Today, I can’t stop thinking about…”
“I wish I didn’t have to…”
“Today, I’m struggling with…”
“When I close my eyes, this immediately comes to mind…”

You can explore these additional journal prompts to deepen your self-discovery.

Picture your perfect day

Take the time to think through what is meaningful to you — and why. Your ideal day might be something that happened in the past or something you wish were to happen, says Ginger Houghton, a psychotherapist and owner of Bright Spot Counseling in Farmington Hills, Michigan.

Picture your fulfilling day from morning to night, exploring these questions, Houghton says:

How do you feel when you wake up?
What rituals do you practice?
Who do you see?
What do you smell, taste, and hear?
How do you spend your day?
How do you feel throughout the day?
Before bed, what do you feel as you reflect on your day?
Why is this a fulfilling day for you?

Detect your drains and pick-me-ups

To further use your self-knowledge to build deeply satisfying days, Houghton also suggests creating two lists:

one list with activities and people that recharge you and make you feel like the best version of yourself
another with activities and people that drain or deplete you

Is overcommitment to activities and people-pleasing weighing you down? You might want to see these tips to reset.

“Wait a few days, bring the lists back out and talk with someone who knows you well to see what patterns emerge,” adds Houghton.

Meditate

Another way to think of it? Simply sit with yourself. According to Hulin, “Meditation is about being with the truth of our experiences. It is the practice of being able to be with ourselves as exactly who, where, and how we are in that moment, without judgment.”

While it isn’t easy, meditating regularly (for even just a few minutes) can normalize the practice for you and help you reap the introspective rewards.

If you’re new to meditation, it might be helpful to try a guided practice:

Meditation apps are a great place to start. They take you through the early steps of developing a practice and help you make it a habit.
Self-compassion guided meditations offer a variety of affirming prompts to focus your meditation practice.

Learn more about meditation on the present moment and its many benefits.

Draw it out

Whether you’re an artist or someone who can barely sketch a stick figure, take out some paint, markers, or crayons. Scan your body and notice what emotions arise. Then, choose colors and shapes based on those feelings, says Martinsen.

“When we focus on colors, shapes and feelings rather than words and immediate ‘meaning-making,’ we connect to parts of ourselves that may not have been given a language yet, but which still hold vital clues as to what is happening underneath,” Martinsen shares.

Focus on your frustrations

While it’s not exactly easy to explore negative situations or feelings, these very moments can provide a wealth of insight. When frustrating circumstances or painful feelings arise, jot down what happened and what thoughts came up, says Houghton, and ask yourself:

What is this moment here to teach me?
What old patterns might I be enacting?
Am I letting fear or shame determine what I do?

Lastly, says Houghton, “End the journal entry with one thing you’re grateful for in the situation. ”

Knowing yourself better helps you make healthier decisions and build a more fulfilling life. Deeply hidden emotions don’t run the show; you do.

Keep in mind that this exploration can sometimes spark painful feelings, memories, and reactions.

In those moments, be gentle with yourself. Try a self-compassionate phrase. Take a walk. Talk to a trusted loved one. Sit with your feelings without judging yourself.

Remember that being human means being complex and sometimes having contradictory, darker emotions and experiences. And yet, taking this journey may be your best adventure yet.

For deeper self-knowledge, you might consider seeing a therapist, online or in person.

Three ways to know yourself better

One of the main obstacles to knowing yourself is constant employment. We run, something distracts us, we try to do several things at the same time. It is difficult to tune in to self-knowledge. And you need to tune in a quiet environment, listening to thoughts and emotions, the body that speaks the language of physical sensations.

We drown out our sensitivity. Most lose touch with themselves. Being distracted by correspondence on your smartphone at lunch, you stop feeling the taste of food. As a result, you miss signals that let you know how you feel and help you figure out why.

Why is it important to understand yourself?

When we know ourselves well, it is easier for us to succeed. This is logical - if we set goals that match our skills, interests and values, we are much more likely to achieve them.

Understanding ourselves, we become kinder to ourselves - if you understand why you acted one way or another, then you see that you did everything you could do in this situation, and it is easier for you to forgive yourself for mistakes.

Knowing how you feel makes it easier for you to meet your emotional needs. You better understand what you need from others.

To truly live, you need to accept yourself as you are. Understand what is important to you and muster up the courage to be yourself, not what others want you to be. Here are some tips.

Listen to yourself

How do your thoughts make you feel? Without judging or judging, pay attention to what emotions they evoke. This process will help you realize a lot - what affects your mood, how you feel about yourself and others.

If your own thoughts make you angry or helpless, a psychotherapist can help you understand what is hidden in the depths of your psyche.

Ask yourself the right questions

We often ask questions like “What are you doing? What do you need?". Instead, ask, “What is important to you? What are you worried about? This will help you better understand your interests and the meaning of your life.

If we are not interested in what we do, life turns into a burdensome duty, loses its meaning. On the contrary, if we do what is important, then we feel a surge of energy and gain meaning. Make a list of what is important to you and consider how these values are present in everyday life.

Pay attention to what bothers you in the behavior of others

We can learn a lot by paying attention to what we don't like about others. Carl Jung suggested using the term Shadow - those parts of our personality that we do not want to know about. He pointed out that we often see things in others that we don't want to see in ourselves. If we start to understand why some people annoy us so much, we can get in touch with these hidden parts of our personality - namely, they help us grow and develop.

As an illustration, psychologist Lisa Marciano gives a real-life example: “My former colleague was a very attractive woman and understood this very well. She loved to flirt and be the center of attention. It annoyed me. When I noticed this, I wondered why these qualities aroused such strong emotions in me.

In our family it was believed that it was better not to attract attention to oneself, it was suggested that it was shameful to be proud of other people's attention. When I realized that the qualities that annoyed me in a colleague, I forbade myself to show, I was able to allow myself to re-establish contact with my “shadow” desires - can sometimes be the center of attention. "

About the author: Sharon Martin is a psychotherapist and member of the California Association of Family Therapists.

How can you get to know yourself better? | Blog 4brain

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