How did i become an introvert

Are You Born an Introvert, or Do You Become One?

Introverts are finally getting our time in the sun. There are more websites, books, and communities for introverts than ever before—enough that young introverts can grow up understanding their introversion, instead of feeling “wrong” like I did as a kid. But there’s no shortage of people who still don’t get it. Anytime I mention I’m an introvert, someone asks something like, “Why can’t you just learn to be social like everyone else?”

That viewpoint is backwards, but it does raise a good question. Do people “learn” to be introverts as they grow up, or are we introverts from birth? In other words, what makes you an introvert—your genes, your upbringing, or some mix of both?

The Science of Young Introverts

To answer this question I turned to Dr. Marti Olsen Laney’s book The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child: Helping Your Child Thrive in an Extroverted World. Laney gives a detailed rundown of what we know about young introverts, including the specific factors that cause them to be introverted in the first place.

Like most questions of nature versus nurture, Laney tells us that the answer is a little bit of both:

“Yes, children are born with an innate temperament. And yes, parents are vitally important to how that temperament is nurtured.”

But she emphasizes that introverts are (mostly) born that way. Specifically:

The degree to which you are introverted or extroverted is influenced by genetics.
Out of all the personality traits that have been studied, introversion/extroversion is one of the most strongly hereditary ones.
Nonetheless, a lot of environmental factors—like how you’re raised—influence it too.

These aren’t guesses on Laney’s part. She pulls together some of the best neurological research on introverts to show exactly how genetic it is—and why some factors can defy your genetic “programming” to change your disposition.

The Genetic Basis for Introversion

Laney says the basis of being an introvert lies in our biochemistry. Human brains have a mix of over 60 neurotransmitters, chemicals that determine exactly how the brain works. While those chemicals are largely the same from person to person, we each have slight differences—our own “recipe.” Your recipe is determined by your genes, and is with you from birth. It also determines many personality traits, such as your tendency toward introversion or extroversion.

This correlation is so strong that Laney says children show their introversion/extroversion tendency from the moment they’re born.

The most important of these neurotransmitters is dopamine, which rewards you for pursuing external rewards. Introverts’ brains are far less driven by dopamine. We don’t get the buzz from it that extroverts do, so we don’t seek as much external stimulation.

Our dopamine sensitivity is an example of our neurotransmitters in action—and it’s determined by our DNA.

How Genetic ‘Set Points’ Make You Flexible

Introversion isn’t totally genetic. It gets influenced by your environment at a young age, and our genes allow a certain amount of flexibility in response. This happens through “set points,” which are the upper and lower limits of how much extroversion your brain can handle.

Laney compares these set points to setting a temperature range on a thermostat. You might program your thermostat to keep your house between 68 degrees and 74 degrees Fahrenheit. Within that range you’re comfortable and no climate control is needed. But if it gets too cold or too warm, the heater or AC kicks on and you have to spend energy to get back to the comfort zone.

The brain works the same way. As an introvert you might want more social time one day and less another day, and as long as you’re within your “set points” you’re okay. But if the stimulation takes you beyond your upper set point—maybe by going to a big birthday party—we all know how drained you’re going to feel.

That means two introverts with the same genetic disposition could come across quite differently. One might stay closer to the high-stimulus end of their comfort range, while another stays cautiously at the low end. These behaviors are largely learned through experience. If a child gets enough positive experiences with social time, they might enjoy pushing the top of their range, even though they’re an introvert. A child who has negative experiences could develop more reclusive, quieter ways.

A Portrait of Three Kids

To see how this works, let’s look at three hypothetical children. All three are introverts, but they’re not all the same:

Jen and Amanda are identical twins. They have the same DNA and very similar brains at birth. Both show signs of being introverted, but their “set points” are quite wide. They could act more social or more introverted on any given day.
Matthew is also introverted from a young age. However, his brain has fairly narrow set points, much narrower than Jen and Amanda’s.

Despite being all introverts, the children turn out very differently.

Jen has some early positive experiences that reward social activity. She’s older than Amanda by several hours, and people always ask if she’s going to be the “leader” of the two. When she does something bold or showy, adults laugh and cheer. This positive encouragement makes it fun to stay toward the top end of her set point range and be a social introvert.

Amanda has the opposite experience. When she does something showy, adults say she’s copying her sister. She doesn’t find it rewarding to come out of her shell as much. By the time she’s old enough for preschool, she isn’t as excited about making friends as Jen. Other kids stare at the twins, and she takes this attention as negative. She’s happier when she stays near her lower set point. She’s considered the shy one.

Matthew has a different upbringing. He’s an only child and his parents give him a lot of positive attention. They can see his introversion early on, and instead of being critical, they try to gently encourage him in social situations. They take him to the playground, join a play group with other families, and put him in a private preschool that encourages creativity.

But Matthew stays introverted. Even though his group experiences are positive, he has a very low set point for external stimulus. He comes back from play dates cranky or sleepy. He’s well adjusted socially, but he prefers inner, imaginative activities to people time.

So Are You Born an Introvert, or Not?

These children are imaginary, but they correspond to patterns that many of us have lived in real life. Your genes give you a “range” of introversion. A wide range could be heavily influenced by how you were brought up, but a narrow range means upbringing won’t change you as much. This is why Laney says the answer to the nature vs. nurture question is, “Yes… and yes.” Your genes make the choice, but they can make you flexible, too.

What’s clear is that your preference for introversion or extroversion gets fixed early on. As much as your experiences might shape you, Laney says most children stay true to whichever preference they showed in the first four months of life.

I can clearly see experiences in my own life that helped give me my strong introvert tendencies, such as being a misfit at school. I also wonder if I might have a “narrow” range of set points, more like Matthew than Jen and Amanda, as I can happily spend weeks at a time with no social contact.

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Read this: I Wasn’t Living My Life Until I Learned to Stay Home

Signs of an Introvert Personality: Types, Traits & Characteristics

Written by Rachel Reiff Ellis

What Is an Introvert?

An introvert is a person with qualities of a personality type known as introversion, which means that they feel more comfortable focusing on their inner thoughts and ideas, rather than what’s happening externally. They enjoy spending time with just one or two people, rather than large groups or crowds.

When you hear the word introvert, you might think of someone who's shy or quiet and prefers to be alone. While that may be true for some introverts, there's much more to this personality type. Whether you're an introvert or an extrovert all depends on how you process the world around you.

A psychologist named Carl Jung began using the terms introvert and extrovert (sometimes spelled extravert) in the 1920s. These two personality types sort people into how they get or spend their energy. Introverts, Jung said, turn to their own minds to recharge, while extroverts seek out other people for their energy needs.

Signs You Might Be an Introvert

Around one-third to one-half of all people in the U.S. are introverts. Though it looks different in everyone, introverts have many of the same patterns of behavior. In general, introverts:

Need quiet to concentrate
Are reflective
Are self-aware
Take time making decisions
Feel comfortable being alone
Don't like group work
Prefer to write rather than talk
Feel tired after being in a crowd
Have few friendships, but are very close with these friends
Daydream or use their imaginations to work out a problem
Retreat into their own mind to rest

One way to find out if you're an introvert is to take a test, such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) or the SAPA project.

Causes of Introversion

Scientists don't know for sure if there's a cause for introversion or extroversion. What they do know is the brains of the two personality types work a little differently from each other. Researchers have found that introverts have a higher blood flow to their frontal lobe than extroverts do. This part of the brain helps you remember things, solve problems, and plan ahead.

Introvert brains also react differently to dopamine than extrovert brains do. That's a chemical that turns on the reward- and pleasure-seeking part of your brain. Introverts and extroverts have the same amount of the chemical, but extrovert brains get an excited buzz from their reward center. Introverts, on the other hand, tend to just feel run-down by it.

Types of Introverts

Being an introvert isn't an all-or-nothing stamp on your personality. Psychologists think of introverts as falling somewhere on a scale. Some people are more introverted than others. Other people fall right in the middle of the scale. They're called ambiverts.

Introverts usually have a few extroverted traits mixed in with their introverted ones, and vice versa. There are a wide range of ways to be an introvert.

One study shows that introverts tend to fall into one of four subtypes:

Social introverts. This is the "classic" type of introvert. Social introverts like small groups and quiet settings over crowds.

Thinking introverts. People in this group are daydreamers. They spend a lot of time in their thoughts and tend to have creative imaginations.

Anxious introverts. They seek out alone time not just because they like it, but also because they often feel awkward or shy around people.

Restrained/inhibited introverts. These introverts think before they act. They aren't likely to make a decision on a whim. Typically they take longer to take action.

Your introverted ways may change over time, and in different settings, too. You're not likely to swing from introvert to extrovert. But it's possible you could become more or less introverted, depending on what's going on in your life.

Introversion Versus Shyness

Many people think of introverts as shy, but the two aren’t linked. Introversion is a personality type, while shyness is an emotion.

People who are shy tend to feel awkward or uncomfortable when they’re in social situations, especially when they’re around strangers. They may feel so nervous, they become sweaty. Their heart may beat quicker, and they may get a stomachache. They may be inclined to skip social events because they don’t like the negative feelings that take over their thoughts and bodies when they have to go to parties or other activities.

People who are introverted also prefer to skip social events, but it’s because they feel more energized or comfortable doing things on their own or with one or two other people. Introverts don’t choose to skip social events because they have strong negative reactions to larger gatherings the way that shy people do; they just prefer being alone or in very small groups.

Myths About Introverts

One common myth about introverts is that they’re shy. Some introverts may be shy, but this is not the case for all introverts. Other myths include:

Introverts are unfriendly. Being an introvert doesn’t affect how friendly you may be. Some people may think that introverts are unfriendly because they don’t tend to have large groups of friends, and they may reflect on situations quietly rather than joining in on conversations at gatherings.
Introverts can’t be leaders. Although people may think of an extroverted personality when they imagine a leader, introverts have the skills to be bosses and leaders, too. Some of their qualities make them effective leaders: They listen to their employees’ ideas, they can stay focused on long-term goals, and they may seem less threatening, so people may accept them in their roles.
It’s hard to get to know introverts. Introverts prefer to have deep friendships with only a handful of people. They may not open up to everyone who wants to small-talk, but the people they’re close with know them very well and develop real friendships with them.

90,000 “it's time to settle down”: do we become introverts with age - new evidence of

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Personal experience

Many people notice that over time, more and more and more and more are immersed in themselves and are less and less ready for active socialization. “The same thing happens to me,” writes Jenn Granneman, who has devoted most of her career to studying and supporting introverts. “In high school and college, I spent every Friday and Saturday evening and night away from home. I hung out with my friends—even though as an introvert it exhausted me. And now, having exchanged my fourth decade, I can say that I have a minimum of social activity in my plans.

And the writer is not the only one who slows down the rhythm of communication over the years. She talks about a very extroverted childhood friend who now also spends her evenings at home with her family.

Are we really becoming more and more introverted? Yes exactly. In any case, Susan Cain, author of the book “Silence. The power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking." As we get older, we really start to lead a more solitary lifestyle.

Why it happens

Inner maturation

Psychologists call this phenomenon inward maturation: as the years go by, a person becomes more and more balanced, “like a wine that ages with nobility,” writes Susan Cain.

Leaving youth behind, we gain greater emotional stability, consciousness and the ability to negotiate with others

Many of us become more peaceful and self-sufficient, and socialization is much less needed for happiness. Both introverts and extroverts begin to enjoy a quiet life over the years.

Scientists observe the process of internal maturation not only in humans (such studies were carried out in Germany, Great Britain, the Czech Republic and Turkey), but also in monkeys, in particular, in chimpanzees.

Evolutionary explanation

From the point of view of evolution, becoming more introverted with age is natural, logical and generally good. And that's why. According to Susan Cain, “A high level of extroversion encourages mating. Most of us are most socially active during adolescence and adolescence.” In other words, it is active socialization that helps in young years to find a partner and form a family. This task is inherent in us by nature.

Then, as a rule, by the age of 30 we settle down and remain in a permanent relationship

Accordingly, meeting a lot of new people is no longer necessary. “If the goal of the first half of life is to find yourself and your place in it, then in the second it is important to find the meaning of existence. ”

In what Jenn Granneman calls "married with kids," it would be difficult to stay faithful to one partner, let alone raise kids, while continuing to move from party to party. So it seems to be gradually becoming more introverted - for the better. For family, relationships and career.

What is changing

But there is an important nuance here. Only our personal qualities can change dramatically, says Jenn Granneman. The temperature remains unchanged. This means that, most likely, an introvert will always remain an introvert, either at 8 or at 80 years old. And an extrovert, even if it slows down with age, is always essentially an extrovert.

This idea is supported by a study conducted at Harvard. Psychologists Jerome Kagan and Nancy Sneedman began monitoring young children back in 2004.

In particular, the researchers recorded babies' reactions to unfamiliar stimuli on video.

Some children cried and waved their arms and legs. This part of the group was very sensitive to the environment - "highly reactive". Others, when faced with the same stimuli, remained calm. These were "low-reactive" children.

A few years later, they conducted an experiment with the same subjects who had grown up. Highly reactive children, even at an older age, were cautious and shy. Low-reactive remained contact and bold. This confirmed that our basic temperament does not change even as we grow older.

Example

“If you still have doubts about this, think back to the last reunion,” suggests Jenn Granneman.

Let's say you were a very introverted teenager in high school—say, the fifth most withdrawn student in your class. Now you have grown up and feel much more comfortable, but moreover, you have become more introverted due to age. If you once liked to hang out once a week, now, in your 40s, meeting up with friends once a month is enough.

And then you come to the anniversary of graduation and notice that everything around you has slowed down a bit

All former classmates now enjoy a more calm, stable adult life. But those who were extroverts in their youth are now much more active in communication than you are. So, you are still the fifth in the class in terms of the degree of introversion. It's just that you as a whole class moved a little in this direction.

And that's not bad at all, Jenn Granneman concludes. Perhaps this is exactly what we should mature to as adults. If anyone knows what a truly calm and quiet life can be like, it's introverts.

Text: Elena Sivkova Photo source: Unsplash Publication date: March 7, 2023

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Question to the expert: "Can an extrovert become an introvert?"

“This question has been tormenting me for several days now. I asked it to everyone I know and whom I don't know. I asked professional psychologists and teachers, no one gives a definite answer, opinions are divided. One thing unites people: almost everyone perceives introverts as something negative and uncomfortable. And I think that initially we are all ambiverts, but as we grow and develop, while we are brought up, some qualities from one side or another begin to prevail in us. Therefore, during the formation of a personality in the puberty period, we already classify ourselves as extra- or intro-. But we are always changing - and the inner world, and views, and circumstances, and the environment - and our temperament is also subject to change. So an extrovert can become an introvert and vice versa, but the second is more difficult because of the stereotypes of society. I address you as an authority in the field of psychology. What do you think about this and why?

Sandra, 23

Larisa Kharlanova, psychologist:

“Hello, Sandra!

Introversion or extraversion is not something that can be brought up in us - just like temperament, however.

If we acquire this way of communicating with the world, it is very early in childhood. All we can do is keep this personality in mind when making important career decisions or when we face something that is very difficult for us to do and difficult to participate in. People evaluate introverts negatively because they do not really understand what is at stake. This is easily confused with schizoid traits or autistic manifestations.

We have little chance of developing the other side of ourselves in much the same way as the dominant side. When raising children, choosing activities for them, it is very important to take into account their characteristics, protecting them from unnecessary overwork. But it is known that many people become more extroverted in the second half of life and vice versa, introversion becomes available to extroverts.

Recently, in the auditorium of a psychological club in Zurich, the old building where the Jung Institute was founded, the phrase was heard: “I understand that 90% of the people present here now are introverts, but I suggest .

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