Heal your broken heart

32 Tips for Moving Forward

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Heartbreak is a universal experience that comes with intense emotional anguish and distress.

While many people associate a broken heart with the end of a romantic relationship, therapist Jenna Palumbo, LCPC, emphasizes that “grief is complicated.” The death of a loved one, job loss, changing careers, losing a close friend — all of these can leave you brokenhearted and feeling like your world will never be the same.

There’s no way around it: healing a broken heart takes time. But there are things you can do to support yourself through the healing process and protect your emotional wellbeing.

It’s essential to look after your own needs after heartbreak, even if you don’t always feel like it.

Give yourself permission to grieve

Grief is not the same for everyone, says Palumbo, and the best thing you can do for yourself is to give yourself permission to feel all of your sadness, anger, loneliness, or guilt.

“Sometimes by doing that, you unconsciously give those around you permission to feel their own grief, too, and you won’t feel like you’re alone in it anymore. ” You just might find that a friend’s gone through similar pain and has some pointers for you.

Take care of yourself

When you’re in the midst of heartbreak, it’s easy to forget to take care of your personal needs. But grieving isn’t just an emotional experience, it also depletes you physically. Indeed, research has shown that physical and emotional pain travel along the same pathways in the brain.

Deep breathing, meditation, and exercise can be great ways to preserve your energy. But don’t beat yourself up over it, either. Simply making an effort to eat and stay hydrated can go a long way. Take it slow, one day at a time.

Lead the way in letting people know what you need

Everyone copes with loss in their own way, says Kristen Carpenter, PhD, a psychologist in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Medicine at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center.

She advises being clear about whether you prefer to grieve privately, with the support of close friends or with a wide circle of people accessible through social networks.

Getting your needs out there will save you from trying to think of something in the moment, says Carpenter, and will allow someone who wants to be supportive to help you and make your life easier by checking something off your list.

Write down what you need (aka the ‘notecard method’)

How it works:

  • Sit down and make a list of what you need, including needs for tangible and emotional support. This could involve mowing the grass, grocery shopping, or simply talking on the phone.
  • Get a stack of notecards and write down one item on each card.
  • When people ask how they can help, hand them a note card or have them choose something they feel they can do. This relieves the pressure to articulate your needs on the spot when someone asks.

Go outdoors

Research has found that spending just 2 hours a week outdoors can improve your mental and physical health. If you can get out to some beautiful scenery, great. But even regular walks around the neighborhood can help.

Read self-help books and listen to podcasts

Knowing that others have gone through similar experiences and come out on the other side can may help you feel less alone.

Reading a book (we’ve got some recommendations later in this article) or listening to a podcast about your particular loss can also provide you with validation and be a supportive way for you to process your emotions.

Try a feel-good activity

Set aside time every day for doing something that feels positive, whether that’s journaling, meeting up with a close friend, or watching a show that makes you laugh.

Scheduling in moments that bring you joy is vital for healing a broken heart.

Seek professional help

It’s important to talk about your feelings with others and not numb yourself out. This is easier said than done, and it’s totally normal to need some extra help.

If you find that your grief is too much to bear on your own, a mental health professional can help you work through painful emotions. Even just two or three sessions can help you develop some new coping tools.

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After giving yourself some space to grieve and tending to your needs, start looking toward creating new routines and habits that can help you continue to process your loss.

Don’t try to suppress the pain

“Don’t waste energy on feeling ashamed or guilty about your feelings,” says Carpenter. Instead, “invest that energy in making concrete efforts to feel better and to heal.”

Consider giving yourself 10 to 15 minutes each day to acknowledge and feel your sadness. By giving it some dedicated attention, you may find it popping up less and less throughout your day.

Practice self-compassion

Self-compassion involves treating yourself with love and respect while not judging yourself.

Think of how you would treat a close friend or family member going through a hard time. What would you say to them? What would you offer them? How would you show them you care? Take your answers and apply them to yourself.

Create space in your schedule

When you are going through a difficult time, it can be easy to distract yourself with activities. While this can be helpful, make sure you’re still leaving yourself some space to process your feelings and have some down time.

Foster new traditions

If you’ve ended a relationship or lost a loved one, you may feel like you’ve lost a lifetime of traditions and rituals. Holidays can be particularly hard.

Allow friends and family to help you create new traditions and memories. Don’t hesitate to reach out for some extra support during major holidays.

Write it down

Once you’ve had some time to sit with your feelings, journaling can help you better organize them and give you a chance to unload any emotions that might be hard to share with others.

Here’s a guide to get you started.

Find a support system

Regularly attending or engaging in in-person or online support groups can provide a safe environment to help you cope. It’s also healing to share your feelings and challenges with those in similar situations.

Connect with yourself

Going through a big loss or change can leave you feeling a little unsure of yourself and who you are. You can do this by connecting to your body through exercise, spending time in nature, or connecting with your spiritual and philosophical beliefs.

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As you navigate the process of healing a broken heart, it’s helpful to have realistic expectations about the process. From pop songs to rom-coms, society can give a warped view of what heartbreak actually entails.

Here are a few things to keep in the back of your mind.

Your experience is valid

The death of a loved one is the more overt form of grief, Palumbo explains, but covert grief can look like the loss of a friendship or relationship. Or maybe you’re starting a new phase of your life by changing careers or becoming an empty nester.

Whatever it is, it’s important to validate your grief. This simply means recognizing the impact it’s had on your life.

It’s not a competition

It’s natural to compare your situation to that of others, but heartbreak and grieving aren’t a competition.

Just because it’s the loss of a friendship and not the death of a friend doesn’t mean the process isn’t the same, says Palumbo. “You’re relearning how to live in a world without an important relationship you once had.”

There’s no expiration date

Grief is not the same for everyone and it has no timetable. Avoid statements like “I should be moving on by now,” and give yourself all of the time you need to heal.

You can’t avoid it

As hard as it might feel, you have to move through it. The more you put off dealing with painful emotions, the longer it will take for you to start feeling better.

Expect the unexpected

As your grief evolves, so will the intensity and frequency of heartbreak. At times it will feel like soft waves that come and go. But some days, it might feel like an uncontrollable jolt of emotion. Try not to judge how your emotions manifest.

You’ll have periods of happiness

Remember that it’s okay to fully experience moments of joy as you grieve. Spend part of each day focusing on the present moment, and allow yourself to embrace the good things in life.

If you’re dealing with the loss of a loved one, this might bring up some feelings of guilt. But experiencing joy and happiness is crucial to moving forward. And forcing yourself to stay in a negative state of mind won’t change the situation.

It’s okay to not be okay

A profound loss, like the death of a loved one, is going to look vastly different from a job rejection, notes therapist Victoria Fisher, LMSW. “In both cases, it’s imperative to allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling and remember that it’s okay not to be okay.”

Even if you’re doing everything you can to work through your heartbreak, you’ll probably still have off days. Take them as they come and try again tomorrow.

Seek self-acceptance

Don’t expect your suffering to go away sooner than when it’s ready. Try to accept your new reality and understand that your grief will take some time to heal.

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When you’re dealing with heartbreak, books can be both a distraction and a healing tool. They don’t have to be big self-help books, either. Personal accounts of how others have lived through grief can be just as powerful.

Here are some titles to get you started.

Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar

Cheryl Strayed, author of the bestselling book “Wild,” compiled questions and answers from her formerly anonymous advice column. Each in-depth response offers insightful and compassionate advice for anyone who’s experienced a wide range of losses including infidelity, a loveless marriage, or death in the family.

Purchase online.

Small Victories: Spotting Improbable Moments of Grace

Acclaimed author Anne Lamott delivers profound, honest, and unexpected stories that teach us how to turn toward love even in the most hopeless situations. Just be aware that there are some religious undertones in her work.

Purchase online.

Love You Like the Sky: Surviving the Suicide of a Beloved

Psychologist and survivor of suicide Dr. Sarah Neustadter provides a roadmap navigating the complicated emotions of grief and turning despair into beauty.

Purchase online.

The Wisdom of a Broken Heart: How to Turn the Pain of a Breakup Into Healing, Insight, and New Love

Through her gentle, encouraging wisdom, Susan Piver offers recommendations for recovering from the trauma of a broken heart. Think of it as a prescription for dealing with the anguish and disappointment of a breakup.

Purchase online.

On Being Human: A Memoir of Waking Up, Living Real, and Listening Hard

Despite being nearly deaf and experiencing the debilitating loss of her father as a child, author Jennifer Pastiloff learned how to rebuild her life by listening fiercely and caring for others.

Purchase online.

The Year of Magical Thinking

For anyone who’s experienced the sudden death of a spouse, Joan Didion offers a raw and honest portrayal of a marriage and life that explores illness, trauma, and death.

Purchase online.

No Mud, No Lotus

With compassion and simplicity, Buddhist monk and Vietnam refugee Thich Nhat Hanh provides practices for embracing pain and finding true joy.

Purchase online.

How to Heal a Broken Heart in 30 Days: A Day-by-Day Guide to Saying Good-bye and Getting On With Your Life

Howard Bronson and Mike Riley lead you through recovering from the end of a romantic relationship with insights and exercises meant to help you heal and build resilience.

Purchase online.

The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

Through her heartfelt, honest storytelling, Brené Brown, PhD, explores how we can strengthen our connection to the world and cultivate feelings of self-acceptance and love.

Purchase online.

The hard truth of going through loss is that it can change your life forever. There will be moments when you feel overcome with heartache. But there will be others when you see a glimmer of light.

For some grief, as Fisher notes, “it’s a matter of surviving for a while until you gradually build a new, different life with an open space for the grief when it arises.”

Cindy Lamothe is a freelance journalist based in Guatemala. She writes often about the intersections between health, wellness, and the science of human behavior. She’s written for The Atlantic, New York Magazine, Teen Vogue, Quartz, The Washington Post, and many more. Find her at cindylamothe.com.

How to Heal a Broken Heart: 10 Tips

Dana Bottari, LCSW, a psychotherapist based in Florida, says that at the start of a relationship, our thoughts tend to be happy and uplifting. “We may have felt good about ourselves — thoughts about the time our ex commented that we were beautiful or handsome or how much they loved us,” she says.

However, when the relationship ends, your thoughts may be mixed. “We have the positive messages that were given by our ex, combined with perhaps our own judgmental thoughts that we are not good enough or thoughts that things never work out for us,” explains Bottari.

Thoughts affect feelings, and feelings affect actions, she says. When you’re feeling down, you may engage in behaviors you typically don’t. For example, you may skip showering or avoid getting together with friends and family. “We may now feel more alone than ever,” Bottari says.

Gina Moffa, LCSW, a psychotherapist based in New York City, adds that the details and circumstances of a breakup determine how you feel.

“If you feel you’re leaving someone in a painful place after you end it, you may be ridden with guilt and sadness. If you’re the one who’s been broken up with, you may be in a state of shock and go through different phases of grief, including anger, bargaining, depression, and anxiety,” explains Moffa.

As you cope with the loss of a relationship, these tips may help you on your journey to healing.


Take time to grieve

If possible, try to think of the loss of the relationship as a grieving process.

“Give yourself time. Do not try to find someone new right away,” says Bottari. “The best thing we can do is to try to honor our emotions and not judge our emotions.”

To validate your emotions, it may help you to reframe your thoughts. Instead of thinking, “I shouldn’t feel so sad,” Bottari recommends thinking, “I am experiencing feelings of sadness, and that’s OK.”

While some people take time to be alone, look inward, or see a therapist to work through the complicated emotions of a breakup, others may suppress painful feelings and jump into another relationship. “I don’t recommend that. We need time to heal what’s been shattered,” says Moffa.

“We need time to look within and take inventory of what patterns we may have taken into the relationship with us that no longer work. We need to tend to our wounded hearts and take the time to allow the healing to happen with time, care, gentleness, and deeper self-understanding,” she says.


Find a new source of joy

When you make time for self-inquiry and self-reconnection, Moffa says that this can lead to connection with what may have once brought you peace, joy, or inspiration but was put on hold during your relationship.

“We may be more open to saying ‘yes’ to new things, people, and experiences as a way to explore a newfound sense of freedom, even if it hurts,” she says.

Bottari suggests pushing yourself to do things, even when you don’t feel like it. “Chances are, even after meeting a friend for lunch, you arrive home feeling better than had you stayed home,” she says.


Make a list of what you like about yourself

When you are feeling low about yourself, consider making a list of all the good things you did for your past partner or all the qualities they liked about you — and the qualities you like about yourself.

For example, you might write a self-love list like this:

  • I made him coffee in the morning.
  • I picked her up from the train station when it rained.
  • I put on her favorite song when she was sad.
  • I reminded him about his dad’s birthday.

You may also find it helpful to write out a list of positive things you’ll do in future relationships.

If you’d rather not think about relationships, Bottari suggests searching the internet for self-affirmations that resonate with you, such as:

  • I am not my mistakes.
  • I am enough.
  • There is no wrong decision.

“Recite these when you are having negative or self-defeating thoughts,” Bottari says.


Acknowledge thoughts about your former partner

When thoughts of your ex arise, try not to stop or block them. Instead, Bottari says, practice being a “witness” to these thoughts. When the thoughts come up, take a step back and acknowledge them.

“You know you are experiencing them; they are passing through your mind. You observe them. You practice observing and letting them go,” she explains.

“The minute you pay attention to one and label it as something ‘important,’ you are no longer witnessing them. You are now judging them. Judging brings more negative emotions since your expectations were not met.”


Express your needs to others

If you’re not feeling up to meeting friends out or are having a hard time following through on commitments, try to share your feelings with others.

“Try to reconsider your needs at this time and let others know what you are dealing with,” says Bottari. “Many people have felt the same way and will understand that you might need some time to return to your normal state.”


Turn your attention toward others

When the pain of a breakup is too hard to bear, you may find that focusing on the needs of others can help bring feelings of wellbeing and distract you from focusing on yourself, explains Bottari.

Consider volunteering at a local soup kitchen or animal shelter, helping a friend in need with meals or cleaning, or cutting a neighbor’s grass.


Allow emotions to flow

You may find it helpful to talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist about emotions related to your breakup or ex-partner.

If you’re not comfortable sharing all of your feelings, consider writing them down or meditating on them. You can also engage in another project, such as painting, that may help you release what’s on your mind.


Find relief in exercise and movement

Research shows that exercise can reduce stress. “Use exercise as a healthy outlet to manage feelings of anxiety, sadness, lethargy, and stress,” Bottari says.

A daily walk, bike ride, or online workout video are ways to work exercise into your daily routine when you’re feeling sad or stressed about the breakup.


Avoid activities that remind you of your ex

If you continue to feel overwhelmed by unwanted thoughts and emotions, consider staying away from places, music, and people who remind you of your ex for a little while.

“Try to go places that make you feel safe. Surround yourself with people that care about you. Go places that you have never been. Take a day trip and explore,” suggests Bottari.


Make meaning of the breakup

If possible, try to make meaning of the relationship ending, or accept that there’s no meaning to why it ended.

“Over time, you may come to realize that the end of your relationship was ultimately in your best interest. However, it is possible that you might not be able to find any positive in the relationship ending. Both are valid conclusions. Try to have faith and keep moving forward,” says Bottari.

A breakup can leave you feeling sad and alone, no matter who made the decision to split up. Cycling through a variety of feelings after a breakup is normal, especially if it was unexpected.

“We forget that we are meant to grow and change and learn. That doesn’t always happen at the same time or in the same way in a relationship,” says Moffa.

“Sometimes, one person changes and the other doesn’t. So, be gentle with yourself. You’re changing and growing and healing. We can’t do that all by force.”

Remember, it’s OK to not feel OK for a while. Give yourself time to process the loss of the relationship and practice self-compassion.

Read online Heal Your Heart! by David Kessler - LitRes

Louise L. Hay, David Kessler

Copyright © by Louise L. Hay and David Kessler

All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. This edition published by agreement with Hudson Street Press, a member of Penguin Group (USA) LLC, a Penguin Random House Company

© Moskvicheva A.N., Russian translation, 2014

© Tereshchenko V.L., artistic design, 2014

© Russian edition, design. Eksmo Publishing LLC, 2014

From the authors

We wrote this book to understand how we grieve and find healing after we endure various types of loss, such as separation, divorce, or death. Grief is not an easy test, but it is our thoughts that often add suffering to the already existing pain. We hope that this book will expand your consciousness, your thinking about loss, and you will be able to include love and understanding in them. Our intention is that you fully experience your grief, but do not drown in sorrow and suffering. nine0003

Grief is not a condition that should be treated, it is a natural part of life. The soul knows no losses; she knows that every story begins and every story ends, and yet love lives forever. We hope that the words you read in these pages will soothe and calm you on your path. However, no book can replace professional help if you need it. We sincerely wish you love and healing.

Louise and David

Foreword by David Kessler

Most of my life I have worked with grief and grief. I have been fortunate enough to write four books on the subject, two of them with the legendary Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, renowned psychiatrist and author of the terrific On Death and Dying. When I give lectures, I am often asked the question, “Can this kind of grief work be applied in the event of a divorce?” And even at parties, there will always be a person who will find me and ask: “Could you help me? I just got divorced and I know you know a lot about grief." nine0003

It is always a reminder to me that the work I do applies not only to the end of life, but also to the end of relationships or marriages. The truth is that loss is loss and grief is grief, no matter what it is about or what caused it. I can't count the number of times I've heard people speak very harshly of themselves during the breakup or ending of a marriage, and often on such occasions I was reminded of my friend Louise Hay, author of the international bestseller You Can Heal Your Life, who often says: nine0021 "Pay attention to what you think" .

* * *

During the launch of my latest book, Visions, Journeys and Rooms Full of People, I was invited to speak at a Hay House Publishing Company conference ( Hay House ). Although it is this publishing house, founded by Louise, that produces my books, I did not meet her for many years, but I really wanted to talk to her. We agreed to have lunch together right after my presentation.

A few minutes into my speech, I sensed that something was happening in the audience: people were looking at each other and whispering. I had no idea what it was, so I just kept talking. And then it dawned on me: Louise entered the room and sat down in an empty seat. Although she tried to remain unnoticed, she simply carries a certain energy force with her.

At dinner, she and I talked about mutual friends and news, and then she said:

– David, I've thought about it, and I want you to be with me when I die. nine0003

“This is a great honor for me,” I immediately replied.

As a specialist in death and mourning, it is not unusual for me to receive such requests. Most people would not like to die alone; they want to know that someone who understands what the end of life is will be there when they go. For example, famous actor Anthony Perkins asked me to be with him at the time of his death. Bestselling author Marianne Williamson asked me to be with her and her father when they left. And when my mentor Elisabeth Kübler-Ross took her last breath, I was with her. nine0003

And then I asked:

– What is going on? Is there something with your health that I don't know about?

“No,” she replied. – I am 82 years old, I am as healthy as possible, and I have lived a very full life. I just want to make sure that when my time comes, I will live a very complete death.

Such is Louise.

According to the schedule of the conference, the documentary “Open Doors” was to be shown there, which tells the story of her famous “Heyrides” , a weekly Wednesday meeting for people with AIDS and their loved ones that took place in the 1980s. It was there that my world and the world of Louise Hay first crossed paths. On the rare occasions when she missed a Wednesday evening, I filled in for her. And it was amazing!

Imagine about 350 people (mostly men, but some women) with AIDS. These were the early years of the epidemic, before various medicines became available. Basically, these people have faced catastrophic events in their lives. And here Louise sat among them and did not see anything catastrophic - only an opportunity to change lives. During these meetings, she brought healing energy into the room. And at the same time, she made it very clear that this was not a party for people who should be pitied - there was no place for those who felt like a victim. Rather, these meetings provided a chance to receive the deepest healing: the healing of the soul. nine0003

Memories came flooding back as I talked about those inspiring, magical evenings. Now, more than 25 years later, Louise and I sat together again, reflecting on those days and the profound impact they had on our lives. As the documentary began, after a short introduction, Louise took my hand and we walked down the aisle between the seats in the auditorium together. We planned to discuss everything, and then come back when the film was over and answer questions from the audience. Halfway to the exit, she stopped. nine0003

“Look,” Louise said. - There's Tom on the screen.

Tom was one of the first members of the Hayride club, who had already died a long time ago.

“Everyone is so young,” I remarked.

“Let's sit for a minute,” she whispered and dragged me to the last row.

We have watched the entire film. Then we got up, collected our thoughts, went on stage, and questions poured in: “What does weakness mean?”, “If thoughts can heal, then why do we take medicine?”, “Why do we die?”, “What is death?” nine0003

Every answer Louise gave shocked people with information about what the disease was. Then she nodded at me, interrupting my reverie, as if we were playing tennis and she was hitting the ball at me. The ten-minute Q&A session stretched out to 45 minutes and could possibly go on for several more hours. At the moment when I thought that the conversation was over, Louise announced loudly to the entire audience: “By the way, I agreed with David Kessler that he will be with me when I die. ” The people applauded. What seemed to me a personal request, Louise now shared with the whole world. It was an example of her strength, honesty and openness. nine0003

That evening, Reid Tracy, CEO of Hay House Publishing, told me:

“Louise and I were talking about the two of you doing something together. You have a common history and you can offer people a lot of wisdom. We believe that you should write a book together.

I imagined Louise Hay sharing her healing discoveries regarding one of life's major challenges, whether it's the dying of a relationship (breakup or divorce), the death of a loved one, or the experience of many other losses (such as the loss of a beloved animal, or even the loss of work). Louise's wise words, "Pay attention to what you think," flew through my mind again. What if the two of us could write a book that combined her affirmations, her knowledge of how thinking can heal, and my years of experience helping others who are struggling with grief and loss? nine0003

I thought about how many people this book could help. I also thought about how interesting it would be to work closely with Louise on such an important topic. If it turns out that our joint work on this book will be as "seamless" as our session of questions and answers at this conference, plus our own discoveries over many years, and the opportunity to complement and complete each other's thoughts on various issues ... [1]

So, our journey together began. nine0003


A broken heart is also an open heart. Whatever the circumstances, when you love someone and your time together ends, you will naturally feel pain. The pain of losing a loved one is part of life, part of this journey, but it doesn't have to be accompanied by suffering. While it's natural to forget your power after the loss of a loved one, the truth is that after a breakup, divorce, or death, you still have the ability to create a new reality. nine0003

Let's be clear here: we invite you to change your mindset after a loss - not to avoid pain, but to overcome it. We offer you this way of thinking when you remember the person you loved with love, not with sadness or regret. Even after the most difficult breakup, after the darkest divorce and the most tragic death of , it is possible for to achieve this in time. This does not mean that you deny the pain or run away from it. Instead, you allow yourself to experience it, and then allow a new life to unfold before you—a life in which you experience deep love, not sadness. nine0003

And this is where the real work begins.

1. How to Help Yourself to Really Feel Your Feelings

If you are reading this book, you are most likely in pain—and we don’t want to take it from you. it. But this time, perhaps you have a very important chance not only to heal your pain, but to start releasing it if you fully feel all your feelings. One of the main problems is that you are probably trying to push away or ignore your feelings. You think they are wrong, too weak or too strong. You have a lot of bottled up emotions, and anger is one of those emotions that are often repressed. However, in order to heal him, he must be released. nine0003

We're not just talking about death anger, but any moment you feel angry. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, the well-known grief expert who identified the Five Stages of Grief, argued that we can feel anger, process it, and be done with it in a few minutes. She went on to say that any anger we experience for more than 15 minutes is old anger.

Of course, anger is just one of the emotions we have. When a relationship ends, when a divorce occurs, and even when death happens, we are overwhelmed with a lot of feelings. And to truly feel them is the first step to healing. nine0003

2. How to let old wounds rise to the surface to heal

Your loss will, among other things, open the way for your old wounds, and whether you like it or not, they will begin to rise to the surface. Some of them you will not be aware of. For example, when going through a breakup, you might think, "I knew he wasn't going to stay with me. " During a divorce, you may be sure: “I don’t deserve love,” and when a loved one dies: “Something bad always happens to me.” These are the negative thoughts that hide under your current loss. nine0003

It will be very helpful to take advantage of a sad moment to reflect on the past and review past events with sensitivity. However, reliving them over and over again is a painful and unproductive process. This is what you tend to do when you go back in time with no intention of healing.

Where do these negative thoughts come from? The thing is that they originated in the past and were not then healed with love. Together with you, we will shed light on all these old wounds and negative thoughts and begin the healing process with love and compassion. nine0003

3. How to change distorted thinking about relationships, love and life in general

When you experience a loss of any kind, you apply your current way of thinking, which is often distorted. What do we mean? It happens when your beliefs are colored by childhood trauma and shaped by resentments from past relationships. Distorted thinking is often formed by your parents and other people in your life who did everything they could, but they just had distorted thinking from childhood too. And all this together formed that internal dialogue that you mentally conduct with yourself, again and again scrolling through some of your old thoughts in your head. And then you overlay that old mindset, that negative self-talk, on top of your new loss. nine0003

This is why people often treat themselves without love and sensitivity when they lose someone they loved so much. We blame ourselves, we have self-pity evenings, and we even think that we deserve the pain we are now experiencing. How to break this vicious circle? Read on to learn how important positive affirmations are and how powerful they are for distorted thinking.

The Power of Affirmations to Heal Pain

Affirmations are affirmations that reinforce positive or negative beliefs. We want to help you become aware of the negative affirmations you may be using and gently introduce new, positive ones into your life. When you think, you are constantly asserting something. Unfortunately, if your thinking is distorted, then you usually repeat negative affirmations. nine0003

We are going to lovingly offer positive affirmations for your grief and your life. These positive statements may not seem true at first when you use them. Let them into your life anyway. You may be afraid that we are trying to take your grief away from you or to diminish it in some way, but this is very far from the truth. Your grief is all yours, but positive affirmations can release your suffering and also heal some of your old wounds and negative thought patterns. nine0003

Your negative affirmations are not true, yet you willingly feel what they dictate to you. Many people, when they are in pain, unconsciously repeat negative affirmations in a way that is extremely cruel to themselves.

One of the main goals we hope to achieve in this book is to find a way to permanently change this repetitive negative thinking.

As you read the positive affirmations in this book, be sure to apply them to your own experiences. Apply them to your thought patterns—your beliefs, the way you see the world—and use them to get rid of your limited negative thinking. Some affirmations can bring to the surface your old wounds from the distant past to help you work through your current issues and ultimately heal completely through love. nine0003

Heal your heart yourself, and don't look for someone who will do it for you

Home Kluber's clever articles Psychology two options: heal your heart yourself or jump into the arms of another person in the hope that he will do it for you.

Most people choose the latter, looking for a partner who will help temporarily relieve pain and make them forget about a broken heart. But in the end, they still find themselves alone with painful memories of the person they previously loved. nine0003

Don't open your arms to the first person you meet. You don't have to share a bed with the first person you meet who calls you attractive. Don't lose your head over people who don't care about you, because that will only increase your frustration. Relationships like this will never fill the void inside of you.

Work on yourself. Learn to live alone. Work on who you are, know yourself.

Otherwise, you will choose a partner who will treat you badly. And all because you prefer to have at least some kind of relationship than to be single. nine0003

It is very easy to lose your "I" in a relationship with another person. It's even easier to forget who you are without the other person, especially if you've been dating them for a long time. Being alone with yourself, you should know and remember who you are.

Heal your heart yourself, and do not look for someone who will do it for you. You are the only person on the planet who can improve your own well-being.

It won't be easy at first. You will feel lonely, because of this your world will plunge into darkness for a while. This is the main reason why many people are so afraid of being alone. nine0003

It also forces them to build relationships with people they don't really have feelings for. As a result, one relationship is constantly replaced by another, because finding another partner is much easier than being alone and facing your demons.

This is why most women end up in unhealthy relationships.

But you deserve more. You deserve more.

Be alone. Work on yourself. Heal your own heart.

Go through all this suffering caused by the pain of a broken heart. Know your essence in solitude and define your goals. Understand who you want to become and work towards that direction every day.

You don't need anyone to feel like a whole person. As well as in order to heal heart wounds. You don't need someone to make the world go round because you can do it yourself.

You are strong, capable, smart, and beautiful, and you don't need anyone to keep you that way. You are the same person that you were during the relationship, and now you need to continue to be that way without a partner.

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