He wasn t good enough for her
I Did Everything Right, But it Wasn’t Enough For Her
Here are 5 common reasons why a woman will react in that way to a man:
1. She wants a guy who is more of a challenge
Most guys want to treat a woman well and not make her feel like she needs to do anything special to impress them, other than love them and stick with the relationship.
For example: A guy like that might…
- Be extra nice and sweet to his woman, regardless of how badly she treats him.
- Shower her with romantic gestures (e.g. buy her gifts, flowers, take her out to restaurants, send her love letters/poems).
- Allow her to always get her way, even if it means giving up things he really wants to do.
- Give her all of his time and attention (e.g. he stops hanging out with his friends, gives up his hobbies or interests, stops pursuing his big goals or dreams in life).
- Text and call her throughout the day to stay in touch, even though he knows she’s working/in class/catching up with friends/busy.
He may think, “According to what I’ve seen on TV/read about in magazines/been taught by my father/mother, I’m doing everything right to make my woman feel loved and appreciated. As a result, she will be happy and our relationship will last a lifetime.”
So, when she eventually breaks up with him and says that it’s because she’s no longer happy with him, no longer attracted to him or no longer in love with him, he is understandably shocked.
He may then think, “I did everything right, but it wasn’t enough for her. How could she do this? What did I do wrong?”
Here’s the thing…
Although he truly believes he was being the perfect man to her, what he doesn’t realize is that, although a woman does like it when a man loves her and makes her feel appreciated, she doesn’t want to feel like she is the boss, the leader, or the most valuable one in the relationship.
Instead, she wants him to make her feel as though she needs to do everything right to continue impressing him and maintaining his interest, rather than feeling as though she can walk all over him and get away with it.
Some guys don’t want to make a woman feel that way and think that it’s all a bunch of mind games, but it’s not.
It’s about what women feel attracted to and appreciate.
Women do want to be in a relationship where they feel loved and appreciated, but they also want to feel the need to continually impress their man, otherwise he will lose interest.
If a guy can’t offer her that, she will eventually get bored of always getting her way, or always feeling like the more valuable one in the relationship.
Some women will put up with it (usually unattractive women), but if a woman is attractive, she just won’t feel happy about being with a man who lets her walk all over him.
So, she will break up with him, even though he has been treating her well.
At the end of the day, regardless of how nice he has been to her, he hasn’t been making her feel the way she really wants to feel (e.g. respectful towards him, attracted and excited to have him as her man, eager to continue pleasing him and impressing).
On the surface, he might feel as though he has done everything right, but in reality, it’s not actually what a woman really wants.
After the break up, a woman like that will usually try to find a guy who will be more of a challenge for her to acquire and keep in a relationship.
Another reason why a woman might break up with a guy, even though he seemed to be doing everything right, is that…
2. She was only ever interested in a casual sex relationship
Sometimes, regardless of how great a guy is, a woman simply won’t be interested in more than a casual sexual relationship.
Even though he’s doing everything right, she doesn’t really care because she’s not looking to settle down anyway.
The truth is, in today’s world a woman is continually influenced by what she reads on the internet and in women’s magazines, what she sees on TV in sitcoms and movies and what she hears from friends and acquaintances.
So, when she watches TV and she sees dramatic relationships full of excitement and spontaneous, wild sex, or women dumping guys and moving on to a better life, or female celebrities talking about how much happier they are being single, she might become enticed to live that kind of lifestyle.
If she does, she won’t really care about breaking up with a guy and moving onto another one, because she’s living the lifestyle that she has seen other women confidently talk about living.
She feels okay with what she’s doing and just wants casual sex and fun times, regardless of whether a good guy that she meets want to settle down with her.
With a woman like that, you have to immediately accept the break up and let her see that it doesn’t affect you.
That stops her in her tracks because you can pretty much guarantee that every other guy she has dumped has done the opposite (i.e. pleaded with her to change her mind, asked what he could do to change her mind, sucked up to her).
When you accept the break up and then begin to get on with your life and let her find out about it (i.e. via social media), a woman like her will see that you and her are actually on the same level emotionally and she will feel attracted to you again.
She won’t necessarily want to settle down for life if you get back together, but she will feel safer getting into a relationship with you because she will see that you don’t beg, plead and whine if she tries to leave.
Another reason why a woman might break up with a guy, even though he was doing all the right things, is that…
3. She was turned off by his lack of emotional masculinity or emotional toughness
Life sometimes throws curveballs your way, whether you are ready for it or not.
It happens to everyone, even if a guy tries his best to set up a good life, do the right thing and so on.
So, what matters most to a woman is not how great a guy is when things are going well, but rather, how he responds to the more challenging situations in his life (e.
g. if he loses out on a big promotion, fails an important exam, has trouble with his car, things don’t work out as planned, he gets broken up with).
Will he remain emotionally strong, face the situation head on and work towards a solution like a man, or will he fall apart, feel scared and turn to his woman for guidance and support because he can’t cope on his own?
Depending on how he reacts when life gets tough, his woman will either feel more respect, attraction and love for him for being an emotionally strong, masculine man that she can depend on, or she will feel turned off by his emotional sensitivity and weakness.
Here’s the thing…
A guy can do most things right in his relationship with a woman, but if she gets a sense that she needs to be the strong one and take care of him because he’s too scared, sensitive or insecure to handle the pressures of everyday life on his own, she will quickly lose respect and attraction for him.
When that happens, she will then begin to disconnect with her feelings of love for him and when that happens, she will start to want to get out of the relationship.
Another reason why this might happen to a guy is…
4. While trying to do everything right in the relationship, it made him seem desperate and that turned her off
Although a woman appreciates it when her man values her, loves her and respects her, she doesn’t want to take on the role of being his main purpose in life.
So, when a guy is running around trying to do everything right to please his woman and as a result, neglecting other important areas of his life (e.g. his goals, dreams, friends, interests), it doesn’t impress her.
Rather than think, “OMG! He’s so devoted to me that he doesn’t care about anything or anyone else in his life! I am his main reason for living! It must mean that he really loves me! That makes me want to stay with him forever, because I know I will never find another man who loves me as much as he does!” she simply feels turned off by what she perceives as his desperation and neediness.
Why?
A woman wants a man who doesn’t hide behind her and the relationship, to avoid rising up and reaching for new levels of his true potential as a man (i.
e. by following through on his biggest dreams, goals and ambitions).
Most unattractive women will put up with a guy who hides from his potential, but they will still feel annoyed about it.
However, attractive women will not only feel annoyed by it, but they will eventually see it as a major reason to leave him and try to find a man who won’t hide from his true potential behind the safety of a relationship with her.
So, if a woman is attractive, she will eventually break up with a hider and look for a man who won’t make her his main purpose in life.
A guy might then ask, “I don’t get it. I did everything right, but it still wasn’t enough for her. How could she do this to me? How can women be so mean and coldhearted? After everything I did for her, she just walks away like it all meant nothing.”
Here’s the thing…
He may have treated her well, but all that doesn’t mean a thing if a woman feels turned off at an instinctive level when she realizes that she’s in a relationship with a hider.
A woman wants in a good man who treats her well, but doesn’t make her the sole purpose of his existence.
Instead, he rises up and reaches for his true potential as a man by actively following through on his big goals, dreams and ambitions in life.
She can then look up to him, respect him and feel attracted to him for being an emotionally strong and independent man, rather than feel like she’s doing him a favor by being with him because he can’t live or function without her.
Another reason why this might happen to a guy is…
5. It was enough for her, but she was just testing to see if he’d try even harder due to his lack of confidence about his attractiveness to her
Women feel most attracted to guys who have high self-esteem, confidence and self-belief.
So, when a woman is in a relationship with a guy, she will usually test to see whether or not he truly believes in himself and in his attractiveness and value to her, or if he’s just putting on an act.
If he passes her confidence tests, she will be able to fully relax into being feminine and girly around him, knowing that he is more than good enough for her.
However, if he becomes doubtful and starts to question his value to her, she will pick up on it (via his body language and the way he responds to her) and feel turned off at a deep, instinctive level.
As uncomfortable as it may be for some guys to accept, the truth is that the majority of women just aren’t attracted to guys who don’t feel worthy of them.
Why?
When a guy doesn’t feel like he’s good enough for his woman, he usually starts saying and doing things that highlight that belief.
For example: A guy might constantly cling to his woman and refuse to do anything apart from her, because he’s afraid she might meet someone else better than him and dump him.
He may also look to her for reassurance, by constantly asking her things like, “Do you still love me?” or, “You wouldn’t leave me would you? You know you’re my only reason for living, right?” or, “Do you still find me attractive?”
He might also shower her with gifts and attention and let her get away with bad behavior because he doesn’t want to lose her.
He may think something like, “I need to make sure that I do everything right for her, so she will see how important she is to me. Then, hopefully, she will stick with me for life.”
Yet, women just don’t work that way.
The fact is that a woman wants to be with a man who is believes in his attractiveness and value to her, regardless of what she says or does to try to make him feel insecure or unsure of himself.
He doesn’t have to buy her gifts and suck up to her to hopefully get her to stay.
He just has to believe in himself no matter what.
That is what women respect and feel attracted to the most, even though they will rarely, if ever, admit it to your face.
So, if a woman sense that her guy doesn’t feel like he is worthy of her, she will end up feeling like she is doing him a favor by being with him, which will make her start to feel attracted to other men who are more confident in themselves.
He will most-likely notice that she is losing interest and will then try to step up his attempts to impress her (e.
g. buying her more gifts, showing her with compliments, trying to make her life as easy as possible, running errands for her and so on).
Yet, the more he tries to do everything right to keep her, the more turned off she feels by his lack of confidence.
She then begins to fall out of love with him and moves towards breaking up with him.
He is then left thinking, “What just happened? I was doing everything right! What else could I have done!? I did everything for her. Will I ever be enough for a woman?”
4 Post Break Up Mistakes That Guys Make After Feeling Like They Did Everything Right
Here’s where other guys go wrong when they find themselves in a similar situation to you…
1. Assuming that women must want a bad boy who treats them badly
When a guy feels as though he has done everything right with a woman (e.g. treated her like a princess, always let her have her way, allowed her to get away with bad behavior) and still got dumped, he might begin to believe that to keep a woman, he needs to stop being so nice and start being a bad boy instead.
Here’s the thing though…
Even though it might look like women are mostly attracted to bad boys, or that women only want a man who is bad or mean, it’s just not true.
The ultimate type of man that pretty much all women are attracted to and want to be in a relationship with, is a good man who treats her well, but doesn’t allow her to get away with treating him badly.
What a woman really wants is a man who makes her feel as though she needs to be a good girl for him and in return, she will get to be with him and be treated well.
If she is out of line, he puts her back in her place in a dominant, but loving way.
If she refuses to treat him better, he threatens to leave her and if she still doesn’t change, he leaves her.
In other words, he is in control of the relationship, not her.
She has to be a good girl, or else she won’t get to be with him.
That’s what women really want, but will rarely, if ever, admit openly when asked in public.
So, don’t make the mistake of thinking that you need to be a bad boy, a bad person or treat her rudely to get her back.
Instead, just show her that you are still the good man that you’ve always been, but are now so much more confident, emotionally masculine and assertive than before.
When she sees that you have quickly transformed into the type of man she always wanted you to be, she will begin to feel attracted to you in the ways that have always been secretly important to her.
Her guard will then come down and she will start to feel drawn to you in a way that she has never felt before.
Another mistake that guys often make when in your situation is…
2. Asking her what he can do to make her happy
When a guy feels as though he did everything right and it still wasn’t enough, it’s only natural that he might want to then understand what he did wrong.
So, he will ask his woman something like, “What did I do wrong? What did I miss? What didn’t I do for you? What would it take for me to make you happy? Please tell me. You know that I will do whatever you say. I love you more than anything, so just tell me and I will do it.
”
Yet, here’s the thing…
When a guy asks a woman to tell him what he needs to do to make her happy, he’s effectively telling her, “Look, I’m clueless about how to think, act and behave like an attractive man, so can you please teach me? I will then use your advice to get you back, or try to convince you to give a chance to show you that I can be the way you want me to be.”
Yet, rather than make a woman think, “How sweet. He wants me to guide him and teach him,” she feels overwhelmed by the amount of work she’d have to put into change him, transform him and then continually do that for the rest of their lives together (i.e. because your attractiveness to women develops over time. It’s not something that you do once and then forget about. You have to be able to be attractive her based on the way that you talk to her, approach life, react to challenges, treat her and get her to treat you).
So, if you want to attract your ex back, don’t make the mistake of asking her what she wants you to do to be attractive to her, or to make her happy.
Instead, just show her (via your actions, behavior and the way that you now react to what she says and does), that you’re a better, more attractive man than you were before and didn’t need her to tell you how to be that way.
When she sees that you really have changed, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling respect and attraction for you again.
Then, the idea of giving you another chance starts to feel like something she is open to doing.
Another mistake that guys make in your situation is…
3. Thinking that women are way too hard to please
After dumped by a woman he loves, a guy might think, “I did everything right, but it wasn’t enough for her. Women are just too fussy these days. Nothing pleases them, no matter how hard you try. I give up!”
Here’s the thing…
Some women are too hard to please and a little bit crazy too, but those women really are the minority.
The majority of women aren’t hard to please and will only seem hard to please when in a relationship with a guy who continually fails her confidence tests and ends up allowing her to walk all over him.
When a woman can walk all over him, she then begins to come up with what I call Ridiculous Rules (e.g. you can only kiss me if you do this or that, don’t call me after 7pm, sit there and be quiet while I watch TV, clean the house or else we’re not having sex).
If a man puts up with her Ridiculous Rules, she loses respect for him and as a result, she stops feeling attracted to him.
She then falls out of love with him and in most cases, the guy then tries harder and harder to suck up to her (e.g. buying her gifts, doing more of the housework, letting her get her way all the time), but it’s never enough because that isn’t why she has fallen out of love with him.
She wants him to continue being a good guy, but to man up and stop allowing her to walk all over him.
Finally, another mistake that guys often make in your situation is…
4. Losing confidence in his ability to get her back or keep another woman in a relationship
When a guy tries everything that he can think of to make a woman happy (e.
g. shower her with attention and gifts, give in to her every whim, be nicer and more patient with her, make her life as easy as possible) and she still breaks up with him, he might begin to doubt himself as a man.
He may assume that because his ‘best’ wasn’t good enough, then nothing will ever be good enough for women, so he completely gives up on getting his ex back, or even finding himself a new woman.
Here’s the thing though…
When a guy starts thinking like that, it begins to show in the way that he talks, thinks and behaves around his ex and other women (e.g. he doesn’t maintain eye contact, he says negative things about himself, he has a defeatist attitude, he feels unworthy, he doubts himself, he seems nervous and unsure of himself), which is naturally unattractive to women.
When he notices that his ex and other women aren’t attracted to him, he then loses even more confidence in himself and in his ability to get her back.
Don’t put yourself through that unnecessary pain.
Believe yourself!
If you want to do the right thing, then do the right thing by yourself and believe that you are good enough.
You have to believe that you are good enough for her, otherwise neither will she.
Don’t go and tell her that you think you are good enough.
Let her sense it for herself, based on the way you now talk to her, react to her, treat her and get her to treat you.
When you do that correctly, she will feel a tremendous amount of respect and attraction for the new and improved you.
As a result, you will suddenly seem more than good enough for her and she will want you back.
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So, you feel like you’re not good enough for them…
Like you’re not up to their standards…
Like they could do far better than you, and you’re not really sure why they’re hanging around.
This, unfortunately, is not an uncommon feeling. Many people find themselves in relationships in which they’re convinced that their partner is somehow lowering themselves by being with them.
They may know deep down that it’s all in their head, but they still can’t shake the feeling, and it threatens to drive a wedge between them and their partner.
After all, what person wants their partner to think this way? Who wants to be with someone who puts them on a pedestal, and can’t appreciate their own self-worth?
If your relationship is going to last and thrive, you need to say goodbye to the idea that you’re somehow inferior.
For both your sakes.
The first thing you need to do is figure out where these feelings of inferiority are coming from.
Why is it that you feel unworthy of your partner’s love?
Then, we’ll take a look at how you can face these feelings head on and come to the realization that you are good enough for anyone.
7 Reasons Why You Might Feel Unworthy Of Your Partner
The first thing we need to underline is that none of these are actually legitimate excuses for feeling like your partner is too good for you, because they’re not, and that’s that.
No human being is ever ‘too good’ for another.
But when have human beings ever needed a legitimate excuse for feeling the way we do?
We’re irrational by nature, and we’re the result of all the experiences that shape us.
And it’s important to consider the root causes of these irrational behaviors and thoughts in order to be able to work on them.
1. You had your confidence knocked as a child.
This might all stem from experiences that you had as a child which meant you never established a healthy level of self-confidence.
The experiences we have in childhood shape the way we think and see ourselves for the rest of our lives.
Maybe you were told you weren’t good enough, or were made to think that way by a certain experience you lived through.
2. You’re scared of rejection.
Convincing yourself that you’re not good enough for someone is sometimes an excuse for putting up emotional walls when you’re scared of letting them into your heart.
If you have a fear of being rejected by this person, it might be your default reaction to convince yourself that it’s doomed because of your inadequacy rather than because of your fears.
3. You’ve been let down in love before.
Sometimes, these feelings of inadequacy are the result of an experience in previous relationships.
Perhaps you let your guard down in the past and allowed yourself to believe you were worthy of a partner’s love, only to have it all thrown back in your face.
If you believe that your past relationships didn’t work out because of something that was somehow lacking on your part, that might well be playing a part in the feelings you’re experiencing now.
4. You don’t feel secure in your relationship.
Sometimes, worrying about not being good enough for someone is a result of feeling, or being made to feel insecure in a relationship.
This can be due to a lack of self-confidence and trust, but it can also be because your partner isn’t doing their part to make you feel secure.
5. You don’t have the emotional support you need in your relationship.
Maybe your partner doesn’t give you the emotional support and reassurance you need in your relationship.
Rather than expecting more from them, you’ve decided that the reason for the problems between you is that you’re not good enough for them.
6. Your self-esteem is being knocked in other areas of your life.
It could be that these feelings of inadequacy aren’t down to anything to do with your partner or relationship at all.
Perhaps the issue is in other areas of your life.
Maybe you’re struggling professionally because you’ve lost your job or are bored by your work.
Perhaps you’ve had problems with your family or friends or are lacking a sense of purpose.
If your partner seems to have their life completely under control, you might feel that you don’t match up to their high standards.
7. You’ve experienced physical changes.
Perhaps the problem is rooted in physical changes that you’ve experienced in recent times.
Maybe you’ve been ill, or your physical appearance has changed in a way that you perceive to be negative.
That might have had a big impact on your self-esteem and led to you to worry that your partner could easily be with someone ‘more attractive’ than you.
10 Steps To Feeling Good Enough For Your Partner
If you feel like you’re not good enough for your partner, that’s something you need to address sooner rather than later, as these feelings can be incredibly damaging to a relationship.
Here are some ways that you can work on this, to help you realize that you are good enough for absolutely anyone and should never question your self-worth.
1. Figure out the root of the problem.
The first step is to consider all of the reasons above and put your finger on which of them you think might be true for you.
It might be a mix of a few different contributing factors. Only by identifying the root cause(s) of the problem can you take steps to fix it.
2. Talk to a trusted friend or counselor.
This probably isn’t something you can or should deal with yourself. You need support to be able to work through this and achieve healthy levels of self-esteem.
Take some time to talk about your feelings with a friend whose judgement you trust and has your best interests at heart.
If you think it might be helpful, a counselor is definitely worth considering. They might help you to say goodbye to these complexes once and for all.
3. Work on your confidence in all areas of your life.
In general, your self-esteem is probably in need of a significant boost.
You need to develop a better sense of your own worth. Focus on things like not using self-deprecating language, as your words are so important for reinforcing your view of yourself.
Be conscious of your body language, standing tall, smiling warmly, and generally coming across to others as confident. It’s a small change that can make a big impact.
4. Focus on the things that make you feel happy and fulfilled.
When we’re feeling down about ourselves and our relationships, we generally spend all our time focusing on the negatives in our lives, rather than the positives.
So, it’s time to place your focus on all the things in your life that fill you with joy.
Focus on your friendships, your family, and prioritize those activities that make you feel confident and fulfilled.
Prioritize your own well-being and show yourself that you’re worth it.
After all, if you don’t show yourself some love, how can you convince yourself that you deserve the love of your partner?
5. Challenge yourself.
If you don’t feel good enough for your partner, you probably need some new challenges in your life to prove to yourself that you are an incredibly capable person who is worthy of love.
Try something new – something that scares you.
6. Love yourself for who you are.
Thinking this way is a sure sign that your levels of self-love are seriously low, so you need to work on that.
Self-love is about acceptance, and about giving yourself a break.
You don’t need to be the most attractive, the cleverest, the fittest, or the most creative person in the world to be worthy of love.
7. Remember, you’re not the only one.
It’s always important to remember that you’re not the only one who is feeling these feelings.
We all doubt our own self-worth now and again, and this is something you can work through if you really try.
8. Reflect on your relationship.
It’s time to sit down and be honest with yourself about your relationship.
Are these feelings and thoughts entirely a result of your complexes?
Or, does your partner do things that compound your feelings of not being good enough for them?
Do they support you, or undermine you?
Is this entirely down to issues that you need to work on, or is there a problem in your relationship that needs addressing?
9. Have an honest discussion with your partner.
Once you’ve reflected on the situation, it’s time to be open and honest with your partner about how you’ve been feeling.
Pick a good time to sit down and open up about how you feel and why you think that might be.
Be careful about how you frame it so as not to hurt their feelings, especially if you’ve realized that the problems are entirely yours, and nothing to do with the way your partner behaves toward you.
10. Reconnect with your partner.
If you’re going to work through this with your partner, the two of you need to spend plenty of quality time together, having fun and rediscovering the spark that first brought you together.
If you work on your self-esteem and make sure you’re both putting the effort into your relationship, you should be able to come through this as a more confident person and a stronger couple.
Still not sure what to do about your feelings of not being good enough for them? Talking to someone can really help you to address and fix this issue. It’s a great way to get your thoughts and your worries out of your head so you can work through them.
A therapist is often the best person you can talk to. Why? Because they are trained to help people in situations like yours. They can guide you and help you to develop greater self-worth and self-esteem.
A good place to get professional help is the website BetterHelp.com – here, you’ll be able to connect with a therapist via phone, video, or instant message.
While you may try to work through this yourself, it may be a bigger issue than self-help can address. And if it is affecting your mental well-being, relationships, or life in general, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved.
Too many people try to muddle through and do their best to overcome issues that they never really get to grips with. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, therapy is 100% the best way forward.
Online therapy is actually a good option for many people. It’s more convenient than in-person therapy and is more affordable in a lot of cases. And you get access to the same level of qualified and experienced professional.
Click here if you’d like to learn more about the service BetterHelp.com provide and the process of getting started.
You’ve already taken the first step just by searching for and reading this article. The worst thing you can do right now is nothing. The best thing is to speak to a therapist.
The next best thing is to implement everything you’ve learned in this article by yourself. The choice is yours.
Other must-see related posts:
- 11 Signs Of Relationship Anxiety + 5 Ways To Overcome It
- 17 Warning Signs That Overthinking Is Wrecking Your Relationship
- If You Want To Feel More Loved And Wanted In Your Relationship, Do These 10 Things
- 10 Reasons Why You’re Scared To Be In A Relationship
- Fear Of Intimacy: Causes, Signs, And How To Overcome It
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12.11.2016 20:11
61-year-old American actor Billy Bob Thornton became the hero of the new issue of GQ magazine.
The marriage of Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton lasted only three years. However, even in such a relatively short period of time, the actors managed to get to know each other properly and understand that further life together is impossible.
There were a lot of rumors around the relationship of the star couple, but neither Angie nor Billy Bob were in a hurry to comment on them. Now, when the actress is going through the third divorce in her life, her ex-husband decided to share some details of his life together with Jolie.
Billy Bob is featured in a new issue of GQ magazine. Answering questions about Angelina, he opened up and even named the true reasons for the breakup.
"I wasn't good enough for her. She was always going to meet people from the UN or presidents or adoption agencies and I just wanted to stay home and watch baseball. However, I'm used to it. It was a problem for me come to terms with the fact that we were invited, for example, to the house of George Lucas or someone else. I felt uncomfortable among rich and powerful people, "said the actor.
He also added that now he and Angelina maintain warm friendly relations and even call each other every few months. Billy Bob thinks that Angie is too busy working and taking care of her kids so they can't get in touch more often.
Recall that Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie met in 1999 on the set of the movie Flying Flight. In 2000, the lovers got married, and three years later the marriage broke up. The couple parted without scandals, by mutual agreement. Speaking about the reasons for the breakup, Jolie admitted that their marriage was hampered by the fact that her husband was too passionate about music, while she wanted to develop together.
5 ways to stop thinking that you are not good enough
Career
Psychologists admit that many people who have achieved serious heights turn to them for help, but at the same time seriously doubt that they are worthy of it. The misfortune, called the impostor syndrome, spares no one - both a university graduate who was lucky enough to get a well-paid job, and a highly experienced professional who suddenly received a promotion can feel like they have no right to success.
Imposter Syndrome - inadequate feeling of (chronic) self-doubt despite clear evidence to the contrary.
No matter how smart and efficient such people are, they feel like cheaters, and evil beliefs slowly sap their energy and motivation. They tend to think that achievements are the result of coincidence and they are not good enough to move on, competing with others at a higher level. As a result, decadent attitudes sabotage the development of success.
The term "Imposter Syndrome" was promulgated in 1978 by American psychologists Pauline Klance and Suzanne Imes, who discovered that many of their wards could not accept success, explaining their achievements by luck and the ability to pass for smart (th). This is not a diagnosis, but rather an obsessive mood that can manifest itself episodically and almost never means a real lack of knowledge and skills. The reverse situation is more common: an incompetent person does not worry about being incompetent.
Women are less fortunate in this sense - it is much easier for us to succumb to the impostor syndrome than for men. Analyzing in detail the gender tendency to self-criticism, psychologists at Carnegie Mellon University found, for example, that men put forward demands for a pay rise four times more often than women and usually ask for a raise of 30% more.
In short, if you've ever felt like you're not good enough, you're not alone. Objectively, there are millions of us, and harmful attitudes have stuck to us since childhood (hello to parents). The impostor syndrome is often accompanied by perfectionism, and such a duet turns a person into a workaholic, indifferent to career growth - a godsend for any boss. The good news is that you can try to change your perspective.
Here are five ways to get rid of the belief that you are not good enough:
1. Recognize your talents you start from scratch and got to this career stage thanks to personal talents and experience. Do not associate success with luck, recognize that you have genuine talents, otherwise you would not have what you have achieved.
Take a notepad and pen and write down your accomplishments and strengths in columns. Re-read both lists regularly, especially when you feel dreary. Such a reminder helps to get rid of doubts that you are not good enough and motivates you to unlock your potential.
2. Share with others what you know
It's easy to forget how far you've come and learned a lot - look for opportunities to remind yourself and others of the acquired competence. Don't skimp on the knowledge you can share - sharing experiences, blogging, or mentoring will build confidence. In addition to benefiting others, this approach maintains a passion for what you do so that you do not burn out.
3. Get to know yourself
When doubts arise about your own worth, do not ignore the symptoms, but try to understand the causes of their occurrence. Don't believe the negative internal monologue - talk to yourself (not necessarily out loud) as if you were a close friend. Look into the subconscious, finding out from which mental hole the impostor syndrome sprouts. And be kind to yourself - turn off your inner “strict parent” by beating off your self-criticism with something more compassionate.
4. Accept praise with pleasure
People with impostor syndrome too often ignore kind words, devaluing personal success and achievements, as if unwilling to acknowledge them for themselves.
