How to make your friend with benefits fall for you

How to Make Your Friends With Benefits Fall For You? 15 Ways That Really Work

How to Make Your Friends With Benefits Fall For You?

The sex is great…but suddenly, you want more. Maybe the desire emerged slowly. Or, maybe you felt it right after you two first hooked up. Either way, you want a deeper connection with your friends with benefits. But can friends with benefits fall in love? And how do you turn friends with benefits into a relationship? 

Are you in a tricky fwb situation? Are you hoping that you can make your friend fall in love with you? As you know, a real relationship entails genuine interest and emotional intimacy- it’s so much more than just casual sex. Even if sex is the foundation now, underlying feelings may be present, and those feelings can leave you wanting something more.

So, do you want to turn a sex buddy dynamic into something deeper? Here’s the ultimate guide on how to make your friend with benefits fall in love with you. 

Table of Contents:

  • Turn Friend with Benefits into Love
  • Do guys fall in love with FWB?
  • 15 ways to make your fwb fall for you
  • How do you know if your fwb loves you?
  • From fwb to relationship

Can Friends With Benefits Turn Into True Love? 

Research shows that up to 60% of people have had at least one fwb situation. And yes, of course, many of those situations turn into genuine relationships.

In fact, many great relationships start as friendships, and sex can undoubtedly be a part of the connective experience. Sex, after all, releases the same hormones we experience when we fall in love. 

Sex triggers oxytocin, the well-known “love hormone.” According to Chris Massman, LMFT, oxytocin is also the hormone associated with trust. Therefore, it makes sense that it can be easy (and even unassuming) to catch feelings for a casual sex buddy! 

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Of course, that isn’t to say that all sex translates to falling into love or even exclusive relationships. Sometimes sex is just sex. But if the feelings persist- and you can’t stop thinking about the other person- something more serious may be at play. 

Do Guys Fall in Love With Friends With Benefits?

What does friends with benefits mean to a guy? Is it just about hooking up- or can it become something more serious? And how often does friends with benefits turn into a relationship? 

Yes, guys can absolutely fall in love with their friends with benefits. Being male or female doesn’t appear to be a significant factor when examining who falls in love and when. 

Guys can certainly fall in love, even when it isn’t their intention or plan. Love has a sneaky way of doing that! But, of course, falling in love is one thing- each person still has to make clear, rational choices to enter committed relationships. 

15 Ways to Make Your Friend With Benefits Fall For You 

How do I turn my friend with benefits into a girlfriend or boyfriend? Basically, how do I get my FWB to want more than what we currently have? I don’t want them seeing other guys or other women! I’m ready for a romantic relationship. I feel like I’m already in love!

You’ve fallen. Maybe you’ve fallen really hard. It’s exciting, and it’s scary, and it’s time to think about what you want to do next! So let’s get into how to make your fwb fall for you, too!

15 ways to make your friend with benefits fall for you

  1. Reflect your motives
  2. Consider your Dynamic
  3. Show confidence
  4. Make the sex even better
  5. Turn down sex occasionally
  6. Focus on being a good friend
  7. Give compliments
  8. Invite them to meet a friend
  9. Level up the Cuddling
  10. Get to know their interests
  11. Stay Mysterious
  12. Make them laugh
  13. Be Upfront
  14. Strengthen your Identity
  15. Don’t push it

#1 Reflect on Your Motives First

Are you confusing fantastic sexual chemistry for real love? If you aren’t sure, take some time to evaluate the situation.  

Good relationships undoubtedly require work. Sex can be an essential and enjoyable part of the dynamic, but it certainly isn’t the only variable that matters once you commit to someone. 

If you aren’t sure where you stand, here are some helpful questions to ask yourself before making the next move:

  • Would I still feel excited about this relationship if sex was off the table for the next few months?
  • Do I envision myself bringing them to meet my friends and family?
  • Am I willing to commit myself to them exclusively?
  • Can I genuinely imagine a future with this person? 

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If you answer ‘no’ to any of the questions, it doesn’t mean you automatically are not ready for a relationship. However, you should probably spend more time reflecting on your priorities and feelings. If a relationship develops, you want to start things on the right foot.

#2 Consider Your Current Dynamic

Do you want to know how to go from friends with benefits to a relationship? First, take some time thinking about your current status. You two may be closer to commitment than you realized!

For example, do you two spend time together outside of the bedroom? Even if you don’t, what kinds of conversations do you have before or after sex? Is there any sense of intimacy or even hints of a more profound friendship?

An actual fwb situation is just sex- no strings attached. But one of the more subtle signs of a deeper relationship lies in anything you do beyond the physical part. If there’s more to the story, there might be more to the dynamic!

#3 Show Your Confidence

Coming across as weak, insecure, or doubtful often results in toxic relationship dynamics. You risk someone taking advantage of you, and you also risk compromising your values for someone else. So instead, aim to present as a high-quality person with good morals and standards for yourself.

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If you struggle with confidence, consider these tips from Rhonda Stalb, LMFT:

Remember that emotions are not necessarily facts: Emotions are not dictators. Instead, they are indicators. They serve as part of our intuition and offer guidance as to how we can react. However, they do not need to determine every decision we make. Therefore, even if you feel insecure, it doesn’t mean you need to believe that insecurity should dictate your life.

Sometimes confidence problems are valid (but situational): We usually suffer from confidence problems after a bad event (being rejected by someone or getting fired from a job). But we also tend to remember adverse situations far more than positive ones, which can skew your perspective.

Losing confidence suddenly can lead to better choices: If you suddenly feel insecure, you might need to reevaluate your usual decisions. There’s a good chance something isn’t working. First, spend some time reflecting or journaling to get the source of the problem. Then, make a strategy for how you want to deal with it.

Get professional help: A lack of confidence may come from an underlying mental health condition like depression, anxiety, or PTSD. It can also coincide with other health problems. Speaking to a qualified professional can help- you will learn appropriate coping strategies to manage your symptoms and improve your feelings about yourself. 

#4 Make the Sex Even Better

You’re already sleeping together. So why not use that opportunity to your advantage?

Ideally, you want to make sex so exciting and irresistible that your partner wants to lock it down. The experience feels so unique that they worry they won’t be able to replicate it elsewhere. With that, they won’t want anyone else to enjoy what you have to offer.

According to Sarah Ruggera, LMFT, hot sex feels “alive.” There’s a mutual exchange of erotic fantasies and a desire to stimulate arousal and imagination. 

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This often applies in the anticipation and build-up before sex itself. Using dirty talk, being assertive with what you want, and spending extra time pleasuring your partner can go a long way in making sex unforgettable.  

#5 But Turn Down Sex Occasionally

It may seem paradoxical, but quality sex definitely matters over quantity. And if you want to get your fwb interested in you, you need to give them a reason to chase!

So, don’t always be so eager to accept their invitations. Instead, make them miss you. Make them wonder about what you’re doing instead of coming over. 

Keeping someone on their toes can make you more desirable. Remember that you aren’t their partner yet- if you act like you are, they might not have much of an incentive to actually make a genuine commitment. 

If they like you, they won’t mind the chase. They will be excited for the new challenge!

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#6 Focus On Being a Good Friend

Although this advice may seem counterintuitive, honing in on building a friendship may actually cause your fwb to catch feelings for you!

Why? Because if they only associate you with sex, your efforts to connect emotionally will naturally shift how they perceive the dynamic. So, start being a good friend. Listen to them genuinely whenever they share something- even if it seems insignificant or silly. Consider sending a funny meme or text if something during the day reminds you of them. 

Remember that there is no need to overdo it. You can make this transition slowly and naturally. But over time, you might notice that they start confiding and reaching out to you more and more- all of which are good signs. 

#7 Compliment Them Often

Everyone loves being complimented, but we don’t always take advantage of this opportunity when we should. In some cases, you might just assume your fwb knows about their skills or assets.

But don’t miss chances to praise them when you can. And think beyond the good sex- even complimenting their t-shirt or bedroom decor can go a long way in making them feel special. And the more someone feels special, the more likely they are to remember you!

#8 Invite Them To Meet a Friend

If you feel ambivalent about expressing your feelings to your fwb directly, consider taking an alternative approach. For example, casually ask if they’d like to have dinner with you and a friend- or if they’d like to come with you to an upcoming party.

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If they’re interested in you, they probably won’t hesitate to say yes. But if they’re not, they’ll either squirm, offer some strange excuse, or flat-out deny your request. If you’re still unsure about their feelings, consider asking them one more time. If the same situation occurs, it’s pretty clear they aren’t ready for a relationship.

#9 Level up the Cuddling

Cuddling is one of the defining lines between having sex and making love. When you cuddle after sex, you’re bonding with your partner. There’s an inherent sense of closeness and comfort as you both bask in that post-sex afterglow.

Cuddling also comes with numerous other benefits. According to Carol Ann Isabel, LMFT, LCSW, cuddling can reduce emotional and physical pain and significantly decrease stress. Furthermore, it tends to create an even deeper desire between partners, meaning it may unleash new feelings!

To start cuddling, don’t overthink it. Simply spend a moment spooning with your fwb after sex or lying in their arms. Make sure you compliment them authentically and let them know how great of a time you had! Chances are, they will reciprocate with even more affection.

#10 Get To Know Their Interests

What are their hobbies and passions? How do they enjoy spending their free time?

Getting to know their interests serves a few benefits. First, it gives you more of a sense of your compatibility. For example, if you find out that you really have nothing in common, you’re learning an important lesson before diving into a serious relationship.

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But in most cases, you can find common ground and build upon that. For instance, if you discover you’re both really into Thai food, you now have an excuse to ask them to lunch! Or, if you find out they love a particular band, you might broach the subject of attending a future concert together.

#11 Stay a Little Mysterious 

Confusing mind games can be frustrating for mature adults who just want to get the point when settling down with someone. But that doesn’t mean you should ignore the benefits of remaining mysterious and alluring.

In other words, don’t feel like you need to disclose everything right away. Don’t always make yourself completely available. Don’t present as overly eager or attached- these strong reactions to your fwb may be jarring if they seemingly come out of nowhere. 

Instead, take things slowly. Offer a little more about yourself each time you hang out. Flirt more intentionally without making your efforts seem over-the-top or desperate. And don’t feel the need to respond to their texts or calls immediately- being busy shows that you have a life outside of them, and that’s good for you (and them!).

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#12 Make Them Laugh

Humor is one of the best parts of a relationship. Many people rank it as an essential factor when they begin dating someone new.

So don’t be afraid to show your silly side. Make dumb jokes. Share funny memes or ask if you can show them a funny video. 

Make genuine efforts to lighten the mood and laugh together. If they’re into you, they’re probably already returning the favor (whether you realize it or not!). 

#13 Be Upfront

Life is short, and it can be so powerful to speak up for yourself when you want something. If you want a deeper relationship, don’t expect your fwb to read your mind. You can drop all the subtle hints in the world, but being assertive gets the job done faster and more effectively.

So, let your fwb know your intentions. Share that you have feelings and tell them you’re interested in a relationship. 

You already know rejection is the worst-case scenario. But living with a secret longing for someone- and having it become stronger and stronger- might be even more frustrating than the actual possibility of rejection. And knowing the truth, even if it’s painful, can be freeing.

#14 Focus On Strengthening Your Identity 

No matter the outcome, after you share your intentions, spend some serious time working on yourself. You should have an exciting life- not just for the other person, but for you! It makes you feel more fulfilled, and it can inadvertently make you more desirable to other people.

After all, if you don’t want to be readily available, aim to build a life where you aren’t readily available! On the other hand, if you want to have interesting things to share, start doing interesting things, so you have topics to discuss. 

#15 Don’t Push It

You can’t force anyone to feel a certain way. This rule applies in all circumstances, and it especially rings true in relationships.

If the other person isn’t feeling it, you need to respect their feelings. Don’t pressure them into something they don’t feel comfortable doing. Don’t be passive-aggressive or mean.

If you don’t want to continue the fwb relationship, let them know immediately. Don’t string it along hoping that they change their mind. 

How Do You Know if Your FWB Loves You?

What if your fwb is already on the same page as you? How would you know? Here are some clear signs your friends with benefits is falling for you!

Remember that a single sign doesn’t automatically mean they’re interested. But a cluster of signs is a great thing, especially if they are becoming stronger and stronger! 

How do you know if your FWB loves you?

  1. They are not seeing anyone else
  2. Sex isn’t the focus
  3. They talk to you more often
  4. They hint about a future
  5. sex feels more sensual
  6. They invite you out
  7. They tell you

#1 They Have Made It Well-Known They Are Not Seeing Anyone Else

If your fwb agrees on being exclusive or simply stops seeing anyone else besides you, it could mean they’ve caught some serious feelings! In some cases, they will ask you if you’re seeing other people (to gauge your own intentions).  

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Other times, they might avoid asking because they might worry about you rejecting them. Either way, if they’re making it obvious they’re only sleeping with you, your fwb situation probably means more to them than just sex. 

#2 Sex Isn’t The Only Focus

Do you two already spend time together outside of the bedroom? Have you turned down opportunities for sex- and it hasn’t seemed to faze them? 

If so, these are positive signs! It means they value your friendship and may even be interested in something more serious.

#3 They’re Talking to You More Often

Is your fwb reaching out more than usual? Are they sending you messages throughout the day or tagging you in social media posts?

If so, these are all excellent signs- it means that they are thinking about you outside of the bedroom. But, more importantly, if they suddenly change how they communicate (i.e., calling you instead of texting or FaceTiming instead of calling), it could mean they value more intimacy and closer contact.

#4 They Hint at the Future

We should see that movie when it comes out. I’ll have to take you to that restaurant someday since you’ve never been! Of course, I want to know how you do on your test next week.

A classic fwb situation is restricted to present, real-time benefits. You aren’t thinking much about the past or the future. That’s why booty calls are so standard- someone reaches out when they’re in the mood, no matter the hour. And that’s also why ignoring, ghosting, or acting strangely outside of the sex itself is also prevalent. If you aren’t in the mood for sex, there’s no need to engage with your fwb.

So, if they make any comment about your future- even if it seems relatively benign- pay attention! It means they have you on your radar. It could also mean they’re thinking about you more than just the sex. 

#5 Sex Feels More Sensual Lately

Does the sex feel…different? Is your fwb suddenly far more focused on your pleasure? Have they ramped up the foreplay or started kissing you deeply or moaning your name?

Pure, physical sex often feels somewhat transactional- you’re spending time with someone else to satisfy a specific urge. But sensual sex feels far more nuanced, and it entails both a physical and emotional connection.

There’s often a feeling of selflessness and desire to please someone else- rather than only meet your own needs. 

#6 They Invite You Out

If a fwb suddenly asks you to dinner or wants to take you out to breakfast after staying the night, that’s a positive sign. It means they want to extend their time with you- hanging out isn’t just about the sex.

Remember that these invitations may be subtle. At first, they might simply be gauging your interest in a potential relationship. But if they like you, they will definitely pursue opportunities to spend time together. 

#7 They Tell You 

Sometimes, a person will come right out and share their truth! Usually, this happens when they can no longer stand keeping their intentions a secret. Or, it might occur when they feel threatened by the possibility of losing you (such as if you enter a relationship with someone else).

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If they tell you, it doesn’t get more obvious than that! So now it’s up to you to decide how and what you want to say back. 

How to Go From Friends With Benefits to a Relationship?

You now know how to make your friend with benefits fall in love with you. But what’s the next step once you’ve both established you’re ready to take things to the next level?

Consider the Possibility for Bad News

Before getting into the nitty-gritty details of learning how to turn a friends with benefits into a relationship, it’s important to remember that not all stories are successful.

Not everyone wants a serious relationship, and not all fwb situations are romantically compatible. Even if someone likes you back, it doesn’t mean the timing or circumstances are right. With that, you may even come across guides like, how do you NOT get feelings for friends with benefits? 

In addition, you might be asking yourself, how long does friends with benefits usually last? With that, there just isn’t a good, universal answer.

People can be secretive, taboo, and uncomfortable talking about their sex lives. Furthermore, some fwb will tell you what you want to hear- just to keep the good sex going.

Start Going Out Together More 

The relationship may feel awkward at first, especially since you two have already had such intimate encounters! But it’s important to spend time cultivating new forms of connection.

Sex is one part of the equation, but you two have probably dialed that in! So plan some quality dates. Also, consider when and how you want to introduce each other to other friends or family. In other words, make conscious efforts to strengthen your emotional connection. 

Consider Your Boundaries Around Sex

Just because you two have already had sex doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to establish new ground rules. All sex should feel consensual, and it’s reasonable to evaluate your priorities and boundaries once shifting things into a committed relationship.

Make sure that you spend some time talking to your partner about any changes. For example, maybe you want to stop engaging in booty calls.

Or, you expect them to take you on physical dates outside of the bedroom. While you have the right to honor your needs, open communication is important for ensuring you are both on the same page. 

Prioritize Emotional Connection

Focus on having genuine, deep conversations with one another. Go for long walks or dinners or car rides and prioritize just talking. 

Take the chance to really get to know one another. As mentioned, you probably have the physical connection down. But trust, intimacy, and genuine connection- the core tenants of any good relationship- take time to develop. 

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Last Updated on September 14, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester

How To Make Your Friend With Benefits Fall For You (19 Ways To Make Him Want You)

A friends with benefits situation is when two partners agree to have sex, and maybe even hang out once in a while, but aren’t quite in a relationship.  

Many of us go into such arrangements with the certainty that we are adults who know exactly what we want—which is nothing more than a weekly hook-up with a guy that also just wants sex.

We believe we are strong enough to control our emotions and not get things twisted in our heads. Well, that is until we find our hearts taking a double flip over th8e same person we vowed never to cross the line with—the friends with benefits lover.

Also, a friends with benefits arrangement should be nothing more than a physical arrangement, but sometimes, emotions show up, and we are left in a more complicated situation. As someone who knows what it’s like to want a relationship, and not just a situationship, I understand the constant debate your head and heart engages in. 

On the one hand, you want to draw the line and give him an ultimatum, but on the other hand, you worry about losing him altogether. This article will address 19 tips on how to make your friend with benefits fall for you. I hope you find a couple of relatable points to help you figure things out better.


  • 1 19 Ways To Turn Friends With Benefits Into A Full Relationship
    • 1.1 1. Be sure of your feelings
    • 1.2 2. Look out for signs of interest
    • 1.3 3. Give him a pet name
    • 1.4 4. Improve on your sex game
    • 1.5 5. Be mysterious
    • 1.6 6. Curb your availability
    • 1.7 7. Communicate more often
    • 1.8 8. Establish true friendship
    • 1.9 9. Research on his interests and appeal to the ones your share
    • 1.10 10. Introduce PDA
    • 1.11 11. Be upfront with your request
    • 1.12 12. Create a balance between commitment and jealousy
    • 1.13 13. Take control of your time together
    • 1.14 14. Make your cuddles last longer
    • 1.15 15. Quit playing the role of a girlfriend
    • 1.16 16. Be a fun-loving person
    • 1.17 17. Let him see you in a different light
    • 1.18 18. Engage in intimate conversations to promote emotional intimacy
    • 1. 19 19. Don’t be desperate or try too hard
  • 2 FAQs
  • 3 In A Nutshell

19 Ways To Turn Friends With Benefits Into A Full Relationship

1. Be sure of your feelings

Before you embark on a love mission to win this guy over, you should take some time to understand and really define your feelings. Why are you really in this situation to begin with? Is it because of loneliness, or are you just having fun? Is what you feel genuine, or are you just being selfish and want him to yourself alone? Will he meet your wants and desires?

The answers to these questions will help put things in perspective and make you understand if this relationship is worth fighting for. You do not want to find yourself struggling for the affection of the wrong guy simply because you were moved solely by fleeting emotions.

2. Look out for signs of interest

Casual relationships are pretty common these days but despite its popularity, they all share similarities. From the precise communication and limited dates to the ‘no sleepover’ rules. We can agree that the idea of being friends with benefits means you need to avoid anything that gives room for misinterpretation of intentions. 

However, if the situation is currently going against these rules, it could mean your sex-buddy is also interested in you. Dedicate time towards studying his behavior and watch out for signs that suggest he might share similar feelings with you. This will enable you to decide what manner of approach to use in declaring your intentions for him.

3. Give him a pet name

When you are in a relationship, addressing your partner with sweet names is not unusual but seen as cute. Pet names and terms of endearments are subtle ways to show that we care deeply about a person. 

Make sure that the name is something he likes, and has a meaning. It does not have to be a sweet name like ‘darling, dear, or babe’ as that may come off as too upfront and give you up too soon. You could start with a name that stems from an inside joke you share or a character in his favorite tv show. 

4. Improve on your sex game

This may sound like a cliche and not much in terms of advice, as it is what you are already doing. However, while you already have a sexual relationship, you need to work on more memorable encounters. 

The idea is to be the best he has ever had — an experience that cannot and should not be matched. Remember, if he really wants sex with someone else, he can get it. So you need to keep him coming back to you and you alone.

5. Be mysterious

As humans, we are all curious beings, so the mystery will always appeal to the average person. If you have been an open book in the past, it is time to keep some things hidden. You want him to wonder what you are all about and what is going on in your mind. 

When he feels this way, he will naturally want to ask more questions and get to know you more. For instance, message him at random times, and if he asks about your day, give him vague answers like, ‘it would be better if you were in it. ’ Answers like this might pique his interest and intrigue him enough to want more each time he sees you.

6. Curb your availability

They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, and I strongly believe in that statement. You see, if you are always available every time he hits you up for a booty call or a late-night chat, it is only natural that he might start to underrate you. He won’t attach importance to your presence because he’s already getting everything he wants. 

7. Communicate more often

If we were to take a moment and delve into the difference between exclusive relationships and ‘FWB’ relationships, one difference that would stand out would be the level of communication. Unlike regular exclusive relationships where communication is a crucial component for sustainability, FWB relationships keep theirs limited. 

Therefore, if you want to make this guy fall for you, you have to regularly communicate with him. Look for not-so-obvious ways to talk to him often. Regular communication will help keep you in his thoughts – and not just in a sexual way.

8. Establish true friendship

Not all friends with benefits are close; they are more like acquaintances who agree to have a sexual relationship without commitment. So, except you were friends before including sex into your relationship, it is time to step up and become more than a sex partner. 

Start playing the role of a good friend. Show genuine interest in the things that matter to him, be there for him when he is low, and listen to all his rants. Building a friendship with him will help him broaden his definition of who you are to him; he will see you are more than a sexual partner.

9. Research on his interests and appeal to the ones your share

As humans, we are more likely to connect with someone who shares similar ideologies, beliefs, and interests. We feel less alone and more understood without having to say much when we are with these people. That is exactly how your friend with benefits will feel when he realizes that you have similarities.  

It could be the little things from music to food or your love for Sunday walks. Irrespective of what they may be, your focus should be on how to make him see that you are alike and, as such, a perfect match for each other.

10. Introduce PDA

I understand if you find yourself doubting how well things would go if you decided to give your friend with benefits a kiss in public. However, you do not have to start with something as drastic. 

Try holding hands when crossing the road, or allow your knees to brush against each other when you sit on a bench. These subtle public displays of affections will give him a feel of how things could be if you were to be in a relationship with him.

11. Be upfront with your request

In all honesty and at the end of the day, despite all the subtle signs you choose to give, there is no way to know if your friend with benefits will ever realize that you love him unless you tell him. Therefore, if you feel your subtle signs are going unnoticed, it is time to brace up and be upfront about your feelings.  

Before talking to him about your feelings, you need to come to terms with the fact that you may lose him and what you share. However, do not allow that to deter you from the path of honesty as it is the best way to know if your efforts are channeled towards the right person.

12. Create a balance between commitment and jealousy

As a lady, you probably have many other guys who would do anything to spend time with you, and you may want to use them to get your friend with benefits jealous. While that is one way to go about having him fall for you and push for a commitment, it could also have an adverse effect. 

Some guys do not like to deal with competition, and they may see you as promiscuous if they know you are talking to other guys. As such, I would advise you to strike a balance between making him jealous and making him see that he is the only one who has your attention. 

For instance, let him know that while he is the only one you are sleeping with, you are not afraid to lose him or move on to another person.

13. Take control of your time together

We all have our comfort zones and locations where we feel more in control of what is going on around us. Use this logic to take control of your time together. Instead of meeting at your regular spot, which could be his house, you can choose to invite him over to yours or decide on dinner first before any bedroom activity. 

Another way to have him falling for you is to change your after-sex routines. Instead of the usual quick goodbyes after sex, decide on coffee or brunch. This will give you ample time to know each other better away from the sexual tension.

14. Make your cuddles last longer

Research shows that cuddling is excellent for emotional intimacy, and couples who engage in it feel more loved and experience higher relationship satisfaction. In other words, if you want your friend with benefits to fall for you, you will need to find ways to make your cuddles last longer. 

The more you cuddle, the stronger your bond will be, so, don’t be so quick to get off the bed after sex. Instead, snuggle a bit and make conversations to make him draw closer to you and develop more feelings for you.

15. Quit playing the role of a girlfriend

As hard as it may be, it is time to put your foot down and set boundaries to what you can and will not do. Your inability to define who you are in his life or set limits will make him take your affections for granted. 

As hard as it might be to accept, he is not your boyfriend, so quit acting like a girlfriend and giving him privileges he is yet to earn. Next time you feel like acting like a girlfriend, remember the saying, ‘why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?’ 

16. Be a fun-loving person

Get rid of negative energy or whatever it is that stops you from bringing your most bubbly self to the table whenever you are together. Remember, people are attracted to positive energy, and he will enjoy spending time with you if you always make him feel good. 

Sooner or later, he will fall for you because you are his go-to girl when he is feeling down, and you light up his world. He will be eager to commit because why will anyone want to let go of someone who uplifts them?

17. Let him see you in a different light

Your love interest probably sees you playing one role as his sex buddy. This might be why he cannot see you as something more than a friend with benefits. It is time to step up and show him that you are more than what he thinks you are. 

One way to do this is by inviting him to a community volunteer program that you organize or an art show where you can show your intellectual prowess. Awe him with your uniqueness and knowledge, and you will have his full attention in no time.

18. Engage in intimate conversations to promote emotional intimacy

Emotional intimacy is an integral part of any healthy relationship. So if you want to have a relationship with your lover, you will need to focus on ways to connect with him on an emotional level, and one way to do so is by having in-depth conversations. 

Quit having small talks. Instead, engage in discussions to make you share your fears, hopes, ambitions, and memories. 

19. Don’t be desperate or try too hard

You need to remember that you are the price, and any guy should count himself lucky to have you as a girlfriend. In that vein, there is no need to be desperate. Desperation will make any guy run for the hills as they will feel there is probably something wrong with you. 

While I understand that you love him, do not lose sight of who you are. Your emotional, mental, and physical health should always come first, so if you feel your quest for his attention is causing you despair, it’s probably time to look elsewhere.


Can friends with benefits fall in love?

This question if friends with benefits can fall in love is something that springs up every time discussions of casual relationships come up. Yes, friends with benefits can fall in love, but this is not always the case. It means both parties share the same feelings, and they are ready to commit to each other exclusively.

How do you tell if your friend with benefits is falling for you?

You can always tell your friend with benefits is falling for you from his attitude towards the dynamics of your relationship. He will put in more effort towards your time together. He may perhaps organize dates or spend more time texting and calling you to see how you are doing.

How do you make an FWB want me more?

Maintain an air of mystery when you are around him, quit playing the role of a girlfriend, and make sure you have him feeling loved and happy at the end of every encounter with you. These little acts will really have him thinking of you more often, and soon, he will want a relationship with you.

Can a guy sleep with a girl without feelings?

Yes, a guy can sleep with a girl without feelings. You see, guys are not as emotional as we ladies. While many of us will contemplate an FWB relationship, guys will jump at it. It means they get to satisfy their sexual needs without strings attached or dealing with the responsibility of being in a real relationship. 

How do you know if he's a player?

At first glance, it is not easy to conclude if a guy is a player. Most players are charmers and smooth talkers, which is what makes them irresistible. However, if you are with a guy who never allows you to hold his phone or is not comfortable answering phone calls in your presence, he is most likely talking to many other girls.

In A Nutshell

Reason and emotions are two aspects of love that are often intertwined, and this is why you need to understand your feelings before embarking on a love quest to make your friend with benefits fall in love with you. I hope you enjoyed reading this list. Please leave a comment behind and make sure you share it with friends.

Sarah Mayfield

As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.

a short guide to sex with a friend

You and him are just friends, but sometimes you still sleep together. Are you doing the right thing and what should you do so that your conscience does not torment you?

Website editor


Psychology of sex

Difficulties in relationships

Friendly relations

consensual sex

You have a nice, sweet and free friend who, as you think, may sooner or later be retrained as a lover. You do not see anything terrible in this - after all, you know very well who you let into your bed. But even here there are pitfalls: turning a friend into a sexual partner is usually easy. But the reverse process can be much more difficult. So play by the rules.

Do not self-medicate! In our articles, we collect the latest scientific data and the opinions of authoritative health experts. But remember: only a doctor can diagnose and prescribe treatment.

Rule One: Fair Play

One of the problems with friendships is that one of you may have illusions about your relationship. Maybe your friend has been in love with you for a long time and was just looking for a reason to get closer. Or you decided to consider a friend in the role of a boyfriend, which he did not claim at all. As a result, your friendship will most likely end. Think about it, do you want to lose a loved one? Also, if he loves you and you don't, don't start an intimate relationship - that's cruel.

Rule two: it's not an option

There is an opinion among some girls that friendship sex is almost like a session with a psychotherapist. A friend will re-glue a broken heart, drive away longing for a past relationship, create the appearance that you are not alone. In fact, this is not so: sex, except for tension, does not relieve anything. And after drinking this "placebo", you will soon be convinced that nothing has changed in your life. Moreover, the hotter your friendly bed, the colder your everyday life becomes. And you, disappointed in the imaginary "cure", run the risk of becoming even more depressed.

Remember that sex is just sex, not a way to forget your ex. If you want your friend, this is quite a sufficient argument for sleeping with him. And it’s better to sort out the rest of the reasons separately, without throwing everything into one fire. This will increase your chances of getting rid of problems.

Rule three: nothing fatal will happen

The main reason for reflection after sex for friendship is due to the fact that we change our attitude towards the person with whom we slept. By the way, both positively and negatively. It may happen that after sex with a friend you look at him in a new way, move away, become isolated, embarrassed... And he will not quite understand why you are ignoring him. Your relationship will stretch like a guitar string, and instead of the pleasant sensations that your body will remember, unpleasant thoughts will settle in your head. In general, you will decide that it was all a huge mistake. Although, in essence, nothing terrible happened. Therefore, if you are not sure of your own reaction to the consequences of your intimate relationship, it is better not to start.

Rule four: don't take someone else's

He's free and attractive, you're free and damn attractive. .. That's the reason for you to get to know each other better. And if he opened up with you that he and his girlfriend had not been sleeping together for a couple of months, and you decided to lend him a helping hand, then think about the consequences. Do not justify yourself by saying that this is just friendship and strictly between you. You probably have common acquaintances to whom you can casually spill the beans, and they will rush to tell further "along the chain".

Also think about what it would be like for you if you were his girlfriend. Karma, by the way, has the properties of a boomerang.

Rule five: no pitfalls

The most important thing in friendship with an ex and not only is sex itself. And not psychotherapy, revenge on the former, passion with interest, and so on. If you just want him, and he wants you... why not? Treat such an experience according to the principle "it was good, and it was good that it was. " Do not build illusions, but do not discount the fact that your relationship can one day grow into something more. Anything happens.

Text: Daria Mazurkina

How to sleep with friends? Knife Manual - Knife

Dictionaries do not clearly define who "friends with benefits" are. Therefore, the inhabitants, trying to clarify, offer their vision of this type of relationship. Many believe that friendship sex differs from conventional romantic relationships in that this format has no prospects.

If in a romantic couple people can plan to live together, have a common budget and children, then friends with privileges live in the moment in which they feel good.

The second distinguishing feature of such a relationship is the absence of love. At the same time, affection, trust, interest and support are maintained. In such relationships, there are no constant thoughts about the other person, no “sticking” on him, no desire to spend all your free time together, but you can watch Netflix and discuss dates from the tinder.

How then is friendship sex different from sex without commitment? Sex without commitment is just sex. People in such relationships may not have anything in common and may not even talk at all, because they are busy with other things. "Friends with privileges" are first and foremost friends - and, as with ordinary friends, there is no question of any exclusivity.

Looks like polyamory , right?

Melissa Bisson and Timothy Levine of the University of Michigan studied what goes into a friendships relationship. They applied Sternberg's three-component theory of love, according to which different types of love are determined by three components: intimacy , passion and devotion . Proximity is about understanding, communication, support. Passion is about physical arousal and sexual desire. And loyalty includes the desire to maintain relationships.

Study participants answered questions for which they were awarded points. It turned out that "friends with privileges" felt moderate intimacy, low passion, and low loyalty. Compared to the results of romantic couples, “friends” lost, but their passion and devotion turned out to be especially weak.

Why do people choose this format?

For the friendship format to work, you need to honestly answer yourself the question: why do I want such a relationship, and not romantic or just friendly?

American psychologists Justin Lemiller and Laura Vanderdrift interviewed 411 people and found that men had more friends for sex than women. Also, men started such relationships mainly for the sake of sex, but women primarily sought emotional contact. (However, psychologists point out that women may have talked about an emotional connection without wanting to admit that the purpose of the relationship was sex.)

A light attitude towards sex is not the only reason men choose "friendships with privileges." For example, Kostya talks about his motives like this:

“I didn't want anything serious because my past relationship ended in disaster. I wanted lightness. I was afraid of scandals, threats and other negativity, so I offered a pretty and interesting girl to me for friendship. She agreed. It only lasted a couple of months, but I can say that the experience is positive. She then found herself a boyfriend, and I continued to “be friends” with others.”

Some people are not comfortable with one-on-one sex with strangers and do not necessarily hold traditionalist views. Like, for example, Katya:

“I know from experience that the first sex is very rarely magical. Out of 10 partners, only one can be very good. And that is a great success. Therefore, friendship sex is ideal for me.

I don't want to make promises to a person, I don't want to take responsibility, but I definitely want sex.

In such a relationship, I can experiment, study my body and the body of a partner. And the friendly component removes all awkwardness and the desire to be perfect.”

Sometimes people choose to have sex with friends because they are very busy with their career, self-development or hobbies. This is Anya's case:

“While I'm 25, I don't want to waste time on frequent meetings, showdowns, fantasies about a joint future. My career and activism are important to me. I am often told that this is selfish. But I don't think so. I honestly admitted to myself that I can’t balance between my personal life and work, that 80% of my life is occupied by my career, and 20% by friends and family. There's no place for a boy or girl, so I'm sleeping with some of my friends."

These reasons have something in common - unwillingness to take on any obligations.

This is also confirmed by the data of Levine and Bisson.

Friends with privileges benefits:
  • no commitment - 35%
  • sex - 33%,
  • having someone you can trust - 12.5% ​​
  • the opportunity to remain free - 6%

How to find that "friend"?

It would seem that you take the first person you come across with whom you want to sleep. Stop! Suppose you are thinking of implementing such a format with a roommate. But what will you do if you or he falls in love? It's hard to avoid each other in 40 square meters, so don't spit in a well that you'll definitely want to drink from. The same goes for colleagues. But developing a friendship with privileges with a good acquaintance with whom you only meet in bed is the very option.

You could try to specifically search for friendships on tinder or in poly groups (here or here) where people are more open to the experience.

How and why to build borders?

Researchers from the University of Michigan also asked people about the disadvantages of friendships. The most popular answer is the occurrence of unrequited feelings (42%). In second place are difficulties due to which you can lose a friend (18%) or offend him greatly (17%).

These cons push some people away from friendship + sex relationships. However, these shortcomings can be overcome by setting clear boundaries and being honest about expectations and feelings.

Sex blogger Sasha says that the only rule in his privileged friendship is not to fall in love.

“If someone falls in love, you need to work it out. And in general, we should discuss any smallest doubts and unpleasant emotions. So far this has not happened. But if it does, I'm sure we'll sit down and talk openly. In addition, we do not go on dates in the usual sense. We just talk and have sex. Also, a friend helps me test sex toys. We joke that we are not having sex, but a test drive."

If two people don't talk about their expectations and come up with personal relationship rules, flirting can turn into stalking. This is exactly what happened with Oleg.

“It all started with friendship. We spent time at my house, sometimes went to the cinema, played a console, and corresponded a lot. We didn't seem to be attracted to each other sexually. But one day we slept together. I liked it, but I did not experience any feelings. But my friend, it seems, fell in love very much, but did not say about it right away. After sex, I noticed that he began to show me more signs of attention, gave me gifts, wrote in the morning. There was much more flirting in our communication.

I felt uncomfortable, not understanding why the lightness began to disappear. As a result, I began to move away and communicate with other guys. And my “friend with privileges” staged scenes of jealousy.

I had to initiate a conversation. It was difficult for me because I had never forced people to talk about feelings before. A friend told me that he couldn't stop thinking about me and our sex, that he wanted more. I replied that there would be no relationship. And we parted ways. Both were uncomfortable. He must have been in more pain. But that happens when people's desires don't converge."

Discussing things that are acceptable to both is normal practice for relationships of any format. “My friend lives in Warsaw. And for me, an important condition for our such “friendship” was that when he comes to Moscow, he stays with me, although he can go on dates and visit other friends, ”says Karina, whose friendship lasts more than a year .

Oleg, whose first friendship with privileges ended in parting, learned a lesson from the situation and next time discussed the important points for him with his partner:

“I said that personal space is important to me. Therefore, we do not stay overnight at each other's.

Nadia's rules are only about sex:

“We discussed what each of us likes, what we want to try and what taboos we have. We discussed the issue of protection. Sex can only be fun as long as it's safe, that's my mantra."

Professor Aharon Ben-Zeev, who studies emotions, advises friends with privileges to keep their distance :

  • set a time limit for friendships - for example, until one of you wants a romantic relationship or finds a partner for them;
  • limit the time you spend together;
  • do not kiss in public ;
  • do not introduce "friend" to family and other friends .

But this is not a panacea either: such artificial rules may prevent a relationship from developing into something more, but they do not guarantee that one of you will not fall in love with the other.

What to do with falling in love that shouldn't be?

Even after one sex with a stranger, attachment can develop. What can we say about relationships in which people share common interests and support each other? So falling in love is an expected side effect.

“After our first sex, I felt euphoric and couldn't stop thinking about him,” says Karina. - We had an agreement that we tell each other about feelings. So my friend knew that I fell in love with him. Perhaps the distance saved us. Or maybe it's that I'm a person who ignites quickly and cools down just as quickly. After a couple of weeks, the euphoria subsided. I began to think less about him and write to him. And even gladly accepted the fact that he had a new girlfriend.

Karina's story confirms that falling in love passes; this thought can calm in moments of emotional outburst. But in any case, it's worth talking about the situation. The conversation has two outcomes: you will be reciprocated or your feelings will be rejected.

10% of privileged friends still get romantic relationships .

Nadia faced the second situation:

“When I started to show my friend that I want a relationship, he confidently said that this would not happen. It was unpleasant. But then I realized that I actually wanted to see him as my boyfriend by inertia - this is a classic scenario after sex, right? After the conversation, we did not see each other and did not communicate for a month, and then I wrote to him myself. I realized that I don’t need relationships in reality, this desire was from my head.”

Of course, you can endlessly hint to your partner that you, in fact, have feelings for him and it would be nice to notice them. But you can prepare for the "terrible" confession, and it won't be so awkward anymore. Imagine how you confess to a friend in sympathy or love, and he or she refuses you. During visualization, feel the emotions that you may experience at this moment: resentment, anger, sadness, fear. Determine the actions you can take. Someone bursts into tears in front of a partner, someone starts breaking dishes, and someone just slams the door. If you do this exercise several times, then the brain will be prepared, because it does not distinguish between visualization and reality.

If you find yourself in the place of the very friend to whom you just confessed your love, and you do not want to continue, speak confidently when refusing, so as not to give the person hope. And if a friend needs time to get sick, give it.

So what is all this for?

According to a study by Melissa Bisson and Timothy Levine, the majority of respondents who have had the experience of sex with friends believe that it is possible to remain friends, no matter how the relationship ends. This is reassuring. And the “friends with privileges” format can teach you a lot.

First, in such a relationship, one can freely and safely explore one's sexuality.

Nadia said that she perfected blowjob techniques with her friend, tried different positions and BDSM practices.

If one person does not like the sexual component of such a relationship, one can at least think about whether sex is needed in this relationship at all or friendship is enough. As a maximum, discuss this with a partner. Perhaps during this conversation you will learn a lot about what he likes and confess what you like.

Secondly, this is how you can define your boundaries and learn to defend them, and along the way, develop emotional intelligence and assertive (non-violent) communication skills. By the way, these are the same soft skills that many companies pay attention to when choosing employees.

Thirdly, this is an opportunity to work with the feeling of jealousy that also arises towards friends.

Learn more