Grief over pet
Coping with Losing a Pet
Why does the loss of a pet hurt so much?
Many of us share an intense love and bond with our animal companions. For us, a pet is not “just a dog” or “just a cat,” but rather a beloved member of our family, bringing companionship, fun, and joy to our lives. A pet can add structure to your day, keep you active and social, help you to overcome setbacks and challenges in life, and even provide a sense of meaning or purpose. So, when a cherished pet dies, it’s normal to feel racked by grief and loss.
The pain of loss can often feel overwhelming and trigger all sorts of painful and difficult emotions. While some people may not understand the depth of feeling you had for your pet, you should never feel guilty or ashamed about grieving for an animal friend.
While we all respond to loss differently, the level of grief you experience will often depend on factors such as your age and personality, the age of your pet, and the circumstances of their death. Generally, the more significant your pet was to you, the more intense the emotional pain you’ll feel.
The role the animal played in your life can also have an impact. For example, if your pet was a working dog, service animal, or therapy animal, you’ll not only be grieving the loss of a companion but also the loss of a coworker, the loss of your independence, or the loss of emotional support. If you lived alone and the pet was your only companion, coming to terms with their loss can be even harder. And if you were unable to afford expensive veterinary treatment to prolong your pet’s life, you may even feel a profound sense of guilt.
While experiencing loss is an inevitable part of owning a pet, there are healthy ways to cope with the pain, come to terms with your grief, and when the time is right, perhaps even open your heart to another animal companion.
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The grieving process after the loss of a pet
Grieving is a highly individual experience. Some people find grief following the loss of a pet comes in stages, where they experience different feelings such as denial, anger, guilt, depression, and eventually acceptance and resolution. Others find that their grief is more cyclical, coming in waves, or a series of highs and lows. The lows are likely to be deeper and longer at the beginning and then gradually become shorter and less intense as time goes by. Still, even years after a loss, a sight, a sound, or a special anniversary can spark memories that trigger a strong sense of grief.
The grieving process happens only gradually. It can't be forced or hurried—and there is no “normal” timetable for grieving. Some people start to feel better in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. Whatever your grief experience, it's important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold.
Feeling sad, shocked, or lonely is a normal reaction to the loss of a beloved pet. Exhibiting these feelings doesn't mean you are weak or your feelings are somehow misplaced. It just means that you're mourning the loss of an animal you loved, so you shouldn't feel ashamed.
Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing, it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it. By expressing your grief, you'll likely need less time to heal than if you withhold or “bottle up” your feelings. Write about your feelings and talk about them with others who are sympathetic to your loss.
Coping with the grief of pet loss
Sorrow and grief are normal and natural responses to death. Like grief for our friends and loved ones, grief for our animal companions can only be dealt with over time, but there are healthy ways to cope with the pain. Here are some suggestions:
Don't let anyone tell you how to feel, and don't tell yourself how to feel either.
Your grief is your own, and no one else can tell you when it's time to “move on” or “get over it.” Let yourself feel whatever you feel without embarrassment or judgment. It's okay to be angry, to cry or not to cry. It's also okay to laugh, to find moments of joy, and to let go when you're ready.
Reach out to others who have lost pets. Check out online message boards, pet loss hotlines, and pet loss support groups—see the Resources section below for details. If your own friends and family members are not sympathetic about pet loss, find someone who is. Often, another person who has also experienced the loss of a beloved pet may better understand what you're going through.
Rituals can help healing. A funeral can help you and your family members openly express your feelings. Ignore people who think it's inappropriate to hold a funeral for a pet, and do what feels right for you.
Create a legacy. Preparing a memorial, planting a tree in memory of your pet, compiling a photo album or scrapbook, or otherwise sharing the memories you enjoyed with your pet, can create a legacy to celebrate the life of your animal companion.
Remembering the fun and love you shared with your pet can help you to eventually move on.
Look after yourself. The stress of losing a pet can quickly deplete your energy and emotional reserves. Looking after your physical and emotional needs will help you get through this difficult time. Spend time face to face with people who care about you, eat a healthy diet, get plenty of sleep, and exercise regularly to release endorphins and help boost your mood.
If you have other pets, try to maintain your normal routine. Surviving pets can also experience loss when a pet dies, or they may become distressed by your sorrow. Maintaining their daily routines, or even increasing exercise and play times, will not only benefit the surviving pets but can also help to elevate your mood and outlook, too.
Seek professional help if you need it. If your grief is persistent and interferes with your ability to function, your doctor or a mental health professional can evaluate you for depression.
Dealing with the loss of a pet when others devalue your loss
One aspect that can make grieving for the loss of a pet so difficult is that pet loss is not appreciated by everyone. Some friends and family may say, “What's the big deal? It's just a pet!” Some people assume that pet loss shouldn't hurt as much as human loss, or that it is somehow inappropriate to grieve for an animal. They may not understand because they don't have a pet of their own or are unable to appreciate the companionship and love that a pet can provide.
- Don't argue with others about whether your grief is appropriate or not.
- Accept the fact that the best support for your grief may come from outside your usual circle of friends and family members.
- Seek out others who have lost pets; those who can appreciate the magnitude of your loss, and may be able to suggest ways of getting through the grieving process.
Tips for seniors grieving the death of a pet
As we age, we experience an increasing number of major life changes, including the loss of beloved friends, family members, and pets.
The death of a pet can hit retired seniors even harder than younger adults who may be able to draw on the comfort of a close family, or distract themselves with the routine of work. If you're an older adult living alone, your pet was probably your sole companion, and taking care of the animal provided you with a sense of purpose and self-worth.
Stay connected with friends. Pets, dogs especially, can help seniors meet new people or regularly connect with friends and neighbors while out on a walk or in the dog park. Having lost your pet, it's important that you don't now spend day after day alone. Try to spend time with at least one person every day. Regular face-to-face contact can help you ward off depression and stay positive. Call up an old friend or neighbor for a lunch date or join a club.
Boost your vitality with exercise. Pets help many older adults stay active and playful, which can boost your immune system and increase your energy.
It's important to keep up your activity levels after the loss of your pet. Check with your doctor before starting an exercise program and then find an activity that you enjoy. Exercising in a group—by playing a sport such as tennis or golf, or taking an exercise or swimming class—can also help you connect with others.
Try to find new meaning and joy in life. Caring for a pet previously occupied your time and boosted your morale and optimism. Try to fill that time by volunteering, picking up a long-neglected hobby, taking a class, helping friends, rescue groups, or homeless shelters care for their animals, or even by getting another pet when the time feels right.
Helping children grieve the loss of a pet
The loss of a pet may be your child's first experience of death—and your first opportunity to teach them about coping with the grief and pain that inevitably accompanies the joy of loving another living creature. Losing a pet can be a traumatic experience for any child.
Many kids love their pets very deeply and some may not even remember a time in their life when the pet wasn't around. A child may feel angry and blame themselves—or you—for the pet's death. A child may feel scared that other people or animals they love may also leave them. How you handle the grieving process can determine whether the experience has a positive or negative effect on your child's personal development.
Some parents feel they should try to shield their children from the sadness of losing a pet by either not talking about the pet's death, or by not being honest about what's happened. Pretending the animal ran away, or “went to sleep,” for example, can leave a child feeling even more confused, frightened, and betrayed when they finally learn the truth. It's far better to be honest with children and allow them the opportunity to grieve in their own way.
Let your child see you express your own grief at the loss of the pet. If you don't experience the same sense of loss as your child, respect their grief and let them express their feelings openly, without making them feel ashamed or guilty.
Children should feel proud that they have so much compassion and care deeply about their animal companions.
Reassure your child that they weren't responsible for the pet's death. The death of a pet can raise a lot of questions and fears in a child. You may need to reassure your child that you, their parents, are not also likely to die. It's important to talk about all their feelings and concerns.
Involve your child in the dying process. If you've chosen euthanasia for your pet, be honest with your child. Explain why the choice is necessary and give the child chance to spend some special time with the pet and say goodbye in their own way.
If possible, give the child an opportunity to create a memento of the pet. This could be a special photograph, or a plaster cast of the animal's paw print, for example.
Allow the child to be involved in any memorial service, if they desire. Holding a funeral or creating a memorial for the pet can help your child express their feelings openly and help process the loss.
Do not rush out to get the child a “replacement pet” before they've had a chance to grieve the loss they feel. Your child may feel disloyal, or you could send the message that the grief and sadness felt when something dies can simply be overcome by buying a replacement.
Making the decision to put a pet to sleep
Deciding to put your animal companion to sleep is one of the most difficult decisions you will ever have to make for your pet. As a loving pet owner, though, the time may come when you need to help your pet make the transition from life to death, with the help of your veterinarian, in as painless and peaceful a way as possible.
Knowing when it's time to put a pet to sleep
Euthanasia for a beloved pet is highly personal decision and usually comes after a diagnosis of a terminal illness and with the knowledge that the animal is suffering badly. Your choices for your pet should be informed by the care and love you feel for the animal.
Important things to consider include:
Activity level. Does your pet still enjoy previously loved activities or are they able to be active at all?
Response to care and affection. Does your pet still interact and respond to love and care in the usual ways?
Amount of pain and suffering. Is your pet experiencing pain and suffering which outweigh any pleasure and enjoyment in life?
Terminal illness or critical injury. Have illness or injury prohibited your pet from enjoying life? Is your pet facing certain death from the injury or illness?
Your family's feelings. Is your family unanimous in the decision? If not, and you still feel it is the best thing for your pet, can you live with the decision that you have to make?
If you do decide that ending the suffering is in your pet's best interest, take your time to create a process that is as peaceful as possible for you, your pet, and your family.
You may want to have a last day at home with the pet in order to say goodbye, or to visit the pet at the animal hospital. You can also choose to be present during your pet's euthanasia, or to say goodbye beforehand and remain in the veterinary waiting room or at home. This is an individual decision for each member of the family.
What to expect when putting your pet to sleep
According to the American Veterinary Medical Association, euthanasia for a pet is most often achieved by injection of a death-inducing drug. The veterinarian may administer a tranquilizer first to relax your pet. Following the injection of the euthanasia drug, your pet will immediately become unconscious. Death is quick and painless. Your pet may move its legs or breathe deeply several times after the drug is given, but these are reflexes and don't mean that your pet is in pain or is suffering.
How to explain pet euthanasia to a child
Be honest. Start by explaining that your pet is ill, suffering badly, and that you have the ability to end that suffering in a very humane and gentle way.
The injection is a very peaceful and painless process for your pet. Sometimes, when you really love a pet, you have to make these kinds of difficult decisions to spare the animal from more pain and suffering.
- Children tend to feed off of how their parents react. If you're hysterical or feel it's the wrong decision, your child will likely react in a similar way. If you're sad, and deal with that sadness in a healthy way, your child will follow your example.
- As long as you're putting your beloved pet to sleep for the right reasons, tell your children that it is OK to feel sad, but there's no need to feel guilty. You should feel sad, and your children can feel the sadness, but don't mix guilt in with the sadness. One emotion is healthy, the other terribly burdensome.
Getting another dog or cat after pet loss
There are many wonderful reasons to once again share your life with a companion animal, but the decision of when to do so is a very personal one.
It may be tempting to rush out and fill the void left by your pet's death by immediately getting another pet. In most cases, it's best to mourn the old pet first, and wait until you're emotionally ready to open your heart and your home to a new animal. You may want to start by volunteering at a shelter or rescue group. Spending time caring for pets in need is not only great for the animals, but can help you decide if you're ready to own a new pet.
Some retired seniors living alone may find it hardest to adjust to life without a pet. If taking care of an animal provided you with a sense of purpose and self-worth as well as companionship, you may want to consider getting another pet at an earlier stage. Of course, seniors also need to consider their own health and life expectancy when deciding on a new pet. Again, volunteering to help pets in need can be a good way to decide if you're ready to become a pet owner again.
Helplines and support
- In the U.
S. Call the ASPCA Pet Loss Hotline at 877-474-3310
- In the UK
Call the Pet Bereavement Support Service at 0800 096 6606.
- In other countries
Visit Chance's Spot to find support near you.
Last updated or reviewed on March 28, 2023
Coping with the death of your pet
When a person you love dies, it's natural to feel sorrow, express grief, and expect friends and family to provide understanding and comfort.
Unfortunately, you don't always get that understanding when a pet dies. Some people still don't understand how central animals can be in people's lives, and a few may not get why you're grieving over "just a pet."
Members of the family
We know how much pets mean to most people. People love their pets and consider them members of their family. Caregivers often celebrate their pets' birthdays, confide in their animals and carry pictures of them in their wallets. So when a beloved pet dies, it's not unusual to feel overwhelmed by the intensity of your sorrow.
Animals provide companionship, acceptance, emotional support, and unconditional love. If you understand and accept this bond between humans and animals, you've already taken the first step toward coping with pet loss: knowing that it is okay to grieve when your pet dies.
Finding ways to cope with your loss can bring you closer to the day when memories bring smiles instead of tears.
Honor your pets memory by creating a memorial fundraiser.
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The grief process
The grief process is as individual as the person, lasting days for one person, years for another. The process typically begins with denial, which offers protection until individuals can realize their loss.
Some caregivers may try bargaining with a higher power, themselves, or even their pet to restore life. Some feel anger, which may be directed at anyone involved with the pet, including family, friends, and veterinarians. Caregivers may also feel guilt about what they did or did not do; they may feel that it is inappropriate for them to be so upset.
After these feelings subside, caregivers may experience true sadness or grief. They may become withdrawn or depressed. Acceptance occurs when they accept the reality of their loss and remember their animal companion with decreasing sadness.
Coping with grief
While grief is a personal experience, you need not face your loss alone. Many forms of support are available, including pet-bereavement counseling services, pet-loss support hotlines, local or online pet-bereavement groups, books, videos, and magazine articles.
Here are a few suggestions to help you cope:
- Acknowledge your grief and give yourself permission to express it.
- Don't hesitate to reach out to others who can lend a sympathetic ear. Do a little research online and you'll find hundreds of resources and support groups that may be helpful to you.
- Write about your feelings, either in a journal or a poem, essay, or short story.
- Call your veterinarian or local humane society to see whether they offer a pet-loss support group or hotline, or can refer you to one.
- Prepare a memorial for your pet.
Children
The loss of a pet may be a child's first experience with death. The child may blame themself, their parents, or the veterinarian for not saving the pet. And they may feel guilty, depressed, and frightened that others they love may be taken from them.
Trying to protect your child by saying the pet ran away could cause your child to expect the pet's return and feel betrayed after discovering the truth.
Expressing your own grief may reassure your child that sadness is ok and help them work through their feelings.
Seniors
Coping with the loss of a pet can be particularly hard for seniors. Those who live alone may feel a loss of purpose and an immense emptiness. A pet's death may also trigger painful memories of other losses and remind caregivers of their own mortality. What's more, the decision to get another pet is complicated by the possibility that the pet may outlive the caregiver and that the decision to get another pet hinges on the person's physical and financial ability to care for a new pet.
For all these reasons, it's critical that senior pet owners take immediate steps to cope with their loss and regain a sense of purpose.
If you are a senior, try interacting with friends and family, calling a pet-loss support hotline, even volunteering at a local humane society.
Other pets
Surviving pets may whimper, refuse to eat or drink, and suffer lethargy, especially if they had a close bond with the deceased pet.
Even if they were not the best of friends, the changing circumstances and your emotional state may distress them. (However, if your remaining pets continue to act out of sorts, there could actually be a medical problem that requires your veterinarian's attention.)
Give surviving pets lots of TLC and try to maintain a normal routine. It's good for them and for you.
Getting another pet
Rushing into this decision isn't fair to you or your new pet. Each animal has their own unique personality and a new animal cannot replace the one you lost. You'll know when the time is right to adopt a new pet after giving yourself time to grieve, considering whether you're ready, and paying close attention to your feelings.
When you're ready, remember that your local animal shelter or rescue is a great place to find your next special friend.
advice and recommendations from veterinarians
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In this article we will touch on a difficult question.
How to deal with the loss of an animal?
Losing pets is hard. We live with them a lot of emotions, they become our true friends, family members, we care about them and love them. A strong bond is formed between man and animal. This is why the loss of a pet is so hard.
Below we will tell you about the stages of living with grief, so that you understand what happens to a person in the process of loss and advise on how to survive the loss yourself or help another.
Stages of grief:
Shock. A state of numbness, lack of reaction to strong stimuli (they shout at you, but you do not hear), lack of emotional reactions.
⠀• At this stage, all you can do for yourself or for another is to be near or in contact with yourself. After a while, the owner of the pet will come to his senses, and the presence of someone who can help will be important to him. The result of living this stage is the recognition of what happened: this could really happen.
It will take a long time before the full acceptance of the fact of death.
Negation. "This couldn't happen."
At this stage, you will be waiting for the pet to come running to the door when you get home. You can habitually put food in his bowl or go to the cage to pet the rodent. If the animal died in the clinic, you will wait for the doctor's call that the pet has woken up. But every time you will face the inevitable reality - the pet is no more.
• From now on, it is important to support yourself: cry, scream, experience emotions and feelings as you feel comfortable. You need a lot of energy and strength to live through the loss, give them to yourself. Be attentive to the environment: if they say “this is nonsense, just a hamster, we will buy a new cat”, etc. better limit communication with these people for a while. That kind of support won't help.
• If you want to support a loved one at the time of the loss of an animal, just be there. Speak out the person’s emotions (yes, you are in unbearable pain right now), provide a supportive environment.
Most importantly, do not devalue feelings and do not offer to "make sure" of death (look, he died), so you will not do better.
Aggression.
⠀ At this stage, in addition to grief, pain and sadness, anger also appears: At oneself, doctors, relatives and anyone who was involved in the life of an animal. It is important to remember that this anger is not real. More often than not, we cannot pinpoint who is responsible for the death of an animal (yes, there are exceptions). This anger is about general anger at the situation, at injustice. It's about your pain and despair.
⠀• Help yourself to be angry. But remember that looking for someone to blame will lead to nothing but quarrels. And if you help another to survive the loss, contain his anger: “Yes, you are angry now, I understand you, I am near and hear everything.”
Depression.
This stage is characterized by unemotional living. When there is no more strength to cry, get angry, scream.
You simply exist. But inside you are still hurt and sad.
⠀• It is important to live this state and stay in it. Don't rush yourself, give yourself as much time as you need.
Adoption.
Acceptance and awareness of the fact that the pet is no more. Getting used to a new life without him. At this stage, you will already be able to remember your pet without much pain. You will have bright memories of a friend, of those pleasant feelings that you experienced while living together.
Things to remember:
We can overcome grief.
Give yourself time.
Your experiences are important.
⠀ If you can’t cope on your own, seek help from a specialist, this is a normal practice. you will not be judged.
Do not forget about sleep, food and physical activity.
Support the body so that you have the strength to support yourself.
To help everyone who is faced with the loss of a pet, there is a wonderful children's book "Farewell, Mr.
Muffin." Even if you are an adult, or you need to tell a child about the death of an animal, this book will help you find the right words or support you a little in coping with grief.
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Coping with the death of a pet
If your family has a favorite pet, or even several, you probably know that this tragic moment will come sooner or later. A pet can get fatally injured, fall ill with an incurable disease, or simply die of old age. Be that as it may, even though we know about such a development of events, when it happens, we are completely unprepared for it. The grief of loss overwhelms us, and it does not matter at all whether you have a cat, a dog, or a hamster - the love and the relationship that connected you cannot be measured by anything.
This article is designed to help you deal with your emotions and understand that pain and sadness are normal and that you are not alone in your experiences. Each person grieves differently. However, there are several so-called stages through which everyone inevitably passes. They don't have to come in the same order as shown here, they can also mix and match. Let's try to deal with them.
Stage 1. Denial of what happened. Shock.
Man does not accept the reality of death at first. Puzzled and shocked "stun" him, it seems that this is all a nightmare, not reality. During such a period, a person walks like a "knocked down", and most often cannot even cry.
Stage 2. Resentment, anger, fear, and guilt.
When understanding does come, along with it comes a whole range of emotions that were held back by shock at first. The rage of a person in grief overwhelms family members, close friends, a veterinarian, God, and even himself. This is accompanied by feelings of guilt and fear.
These days, experiences overwhelm a person.
Stage 3. Attempt to make a deal.
This period is expressed by irrational determination, in other words, a person tries to achieve the impossible. Attempts to make a kind of deal with God, doctors, the church, which, unfortunately, ultimately lead to nothing. A typical example: if I pray and attend the temple every day, my pet will come to life.
Stage 4. Departure into melancholy and depression.
Awareness has become complete. With the departure of the pet, the lifestyle changed, and sadness covered the person "with his head." Feelings of hopelessness, emptiness, and helplessness are far from the full range of feelings experienced. All thoughts are only about the animal, they are constantly repeated and haunt the former owner. This is one of the most protracted and difficult periods.
Stage 5. Acceptance of loss, return of interest in life.
A person realizes that life goes on and that his pet is now in a better place.
A new way of life, caused by death, becomes the norm, and the world around us again pleases with bright colors. Of course, grief for the pet remains, but it is already light and bright, as a memory of the good moments spent together.
How to heal spiritual wounds?
The strength of grief and sorrow depends on many circumstances, the nature of a person and the degree of his attachment to an animal. For example, children recover faster than the elderly. Below is a short list of tips to help you cope with the loss of a pet.
- Allow yourself to let your grief out. Don't keep it all to yourself, it won't end well. Better cry, speak, sing, draw, write - in a word, live your grief the way you want it.
- Don't let grief ruin your own health. Eat right, go to bed on time, walk more often - this will speed up the addiction process, and you will not help your pet by self-harming.
- Talk to people who understand your loss. These people also lost their beloved animal, and most likely, you will find a common language with them.
