Good sex and commitment
Here Are 5 Reasons Why Great Sex Could Lead To A Great Relationship
June 29, 2020 | by Akanksha Narang
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I am one of those unfortunate individuals who just can’t do casual sex. It’s not like my hands are tied, although a little BDSM wouldn’t hurt. What I mean to say is I identify myself as a demisexual which means I don’t feel enough turned on by someone I don’t have a connection with. We are capable of having sex casually, it’s just that we do it because we’re horny and not because they made us feel horny. But sometimes you meet an amazing guy you totally vibe with. And there you are, feeling butterflies when he looks at you.
A couple of dates later, you are still taking it slow emotionally but the sexual chemistry is on fire. Maybe you both want something casual and fun in that moment. What follows is a series of dates and those always end up with you having a not-so- innocent sleepover with him. Unfortunately, most of these crazy, hot connections almost never lead to real relationships.
There’s nothing wrong with having sex early on. According to a study by the University of Iowa, hookups and casual sex is very much capable of turning into committed relationships. So why doesn’t it? I would say it’s the people to blame, not the kind of connection you share. If one or both persons have commitment issues, it can pretty much limit your magical connection to sex.
In fact, it’s sort of being in denial – you know this is something more. But I have heard of – personally and through friends – several men who just go like we like you, we care for you, we respect you, sexual chemistry is great but we can’t commit. But in an ideal world, casual sex would lead to a real relationship. Why? Because a great sexual relationship requires almost the same things you need in a committed relationship. Here’s how.
1) You have great chemistry
Great sexual chemistry is a pre-requisite to sexual satisfaction. I mean if I am actually going for casual sex, then it better be with someone who can make my hormones rage.
He can bring a tsunami in your vagina with just a kiss. So that spark is there because you’ll vibe! This chemistry could do so much good in a relationship!
2) He cares about your happiness (read orgasms)
He is generous with his kisses and patiently indulges in slow foreplay keeping your pleasure in mind. It’s so important in a relationship for your partner to be patient and giving. And he has been giving you orgasms since the first time you’ll had sex. He isn’t selfish and such guys are usually good boyfriends.
3) You enjoy his company (in bed for now)
Unless your sex sessions look like Trump’s press conferences, I’d say you enjoy each other’s company. Casual sex doesn’t mean get down to business and then go home. That sounds more like paid sex, with all due respect. You’ll get playful, cuddling, and talking to each other. You break into laughter as he tickles you before you start playing tongue tennis with him. On your sleepovers, you’ll cuddle and watch anything – even if it’s a Shaolin movie.
You love his company and the sex bit just makes it even more special. I bet you’d enjoy non-sex dates too!
4) You’re compatible
Sexual compatibility requires a lot of understanding, communication, and selflessness. We learn to read each other’s responses and try to understand what is pleasing the other person. Communication about what you like, don’t like and what makes you go crazy is vital too. You can discuss your fantasies when you’re not judged and you feel more comfortable naked when you feel admired irrespective of your flaws. Aren’t these things essential in a relationship too?
5) Lust and love kinda affect the same part of the brain
Both stimulate the same part of your brain and give you an extra dose of dopamine. Honestly, we have been mixing love with lust and lust with love and that’s because they give us similar feels. This means that these two don’t necessarily have to be two exclusive concepts. I mean yes, sex is important in a committed relationship.
So why can’t great sex lead to one?
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Reinvigorating Sexual Passion and Desire in a Committed Relationship
In the early days of a relationship, sex can seem fun, exciting, and something to look forward to for many couples. Of course, every couple is different. For many, even those still profoundly in love, sexual passion and behaviors can change throughout a long-term relationship. Couples who maintain a higher level of passion in a relationship may have a higher level of individual sexual passion to begin with (Busby, et al.
, 2019). But, as we know, life happens. We get older, our bodies change, some of us have children, stress can get the best of us. Such events can impact our sex lives even if our sex drive and sexual desire remain high. But here is the reality, sexual problems are normal, especially sexual desire problems (Schnarch, 2019). This might sound like new information if you believed the romantic fallacy that good relationships don’t have sexual problems. The fact is, good relationships and healthy people do have sexual problems.
So, how do we bring passion back into our committed relationships?
Understanding what you want and asking for it is powerful medicine in the bedroom. Believe it or not, “sexual passion can be developed and increased over time in relationships as couples learn to be more differentiated and are thereby able to expand their sexual intimacy, repertoire, and passion.” (Busby, et al.
, p. 736).
Follow the suggestions below to help improve your sex life:
1) Make time for intimacyOne aspect of improving our sex lives is prioritizing sex. But how do we make our sex lives a priority when life gets in the way? Consider scheduling sex with your sexy sex partner! “Scheduling?” you say? “How unromantic,” you say? I get it. And yet, when we want that special time with our partner knowing when and where can be helpful. It might surprise you, but most couples intentionally plan their sexual experiences (McCarthy & Wald, 2015).
2) Take time to look and smell goodAt the beginning of romantic relationships, we are likely to try to impress each other by looking and smelling good. Of course, over time, we may put less effort into trying to impress our partners. This change certainly makes sense once we have dated a long time, if we live together, or raise children together. As relationships become long-term, knowing when sex is expected to occur gives us the chance to prepare to impress our partner at times when it matters most.
As silly as it may seem, smelling and looking good can help improve the sexual experience. Having the opportunity to shower, brush our teeth, etc. can help us feel good about ourselves and our time together. Perhaps most importantly, the anticipation can be sexy and fun.
What about relationships where one partner appears to be asking for sex more than the other? In my experience, every couple has a difference in their level of sexual desire: one partner is always going to want more sex than the other. As I mentioned above, many factors can change our sexual desire over time, but even without these changes, one partner will want a different amount of sex than the other. For example, perhaps you want sex a few times per week, and your partner wants it once every other week. Schnarch writes that simply understanding this difference can take pressure off couples.
On the other hand, this dynamic might cause a situation where one partner always seems to be initiating sex.
This can start to feel like pressure when always in the lead when asking for intimacy. And the pressure to have sex can harm our sexual satisfaction. In such cases, it can be helpful to switch up the lead using what I call “Keeper of the Sexual Relationship Days”. Make an agreement between you about who will first “take the lead” to request sex, and then switch to the other partner next time. Using a strategy like this gives each partner time to think about what experience they might like to have and how they might set the scene. It allows setting up a romantic night, for example. Expressing and enjoying an individual’s desires and passions can bring alive sex with your partner.
As our lives with our partners become more routine, so do our sex lives. So, how can we improve sex in relationships? Schnarch (2019) writes that the best way is to create a collaborative partnership regarding sex. This approach means agreeing to work together.
And we can’t do this without having good sexual communication. This suggestion might be another area where you would tell me, “How unromantic!” But the reality is your partner can’t know what you want unless you ask for it. And if YOU don’t know what you want, then you have some exploring to do. Thinking and talking about what is erotic for you and your partner, as it turns out, can be sexy. “Eroticism invites taking emotional and sexual risks; asks each partner to be open to creativity, mystery, and unpredictability…” (McCarthy & Wald, p. 292). If you find yourself feeling anxious doing this for the first time, keep it up. You’ll feel less anxious with practice. Books like Jack Morin’s “The Erotic Mind” or Justin Lehmiller’s “Tell Me What You Want” can be a good start to increasing your curiosity and erotic self-knowledge.
Finally, keep in mind that flexibility is a crucial element when it comes to sexual satisfaction. Desire, pleasure, eroticism, and satisfaction won’t be the same every time you have sex.
However, accepting this variability can enhance the bond you have with your partner (McCarthy & Wald). Most importantly, make it like play, relax, and have fun.
If you and your partner are feeling stuck, having a hard time communicating or trouble reinvigorating passion and desire into your committed relationship, consider Imago Couples Therapy. Imago Therapy is a unique and interactive therapeutic process that brings you and your partner closer together and deepens intimacy. When you are feeling closer to your partner and more deeply connected, your sex life can improve dramatically. Don’t wait any longer. Contact a professional San Diego Psychologist at Therapy Changes today to learn more and schedule an appointment.
References
Busby, D. M., Chiu, H., Leonhardt, N. D., & Iliff, E. (2019). Sexual Passion in Committed Relationships: Measurement and Conceptual Issues. Family Process, 58(3), 734–748. https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.
12385McCarthy, B., & Wald, L. M. (2015). Strategies and Techniques to Directly Address Sexual Desire Problems. Journal of Family Psychotherapy, 26(4), 286–298. https://doi.org/10.1080/08975353.2015.1097282
Schnarch, D. M. (2019). Intimacy & desire: Awaken the passion in your relationship (2nd ed.). Sterling Publishers.
Sex without obligations does not carry anything good?
#1
#2
Guest
... I reached only 28 years old, which I was looking for not sex, and security and tranquility that are behind it ...
#3
#4
#5
#6
August
Are they behind him? What, did you really feel something like that?
#7
#9
Most of the time
Guest But sometimes yes.
#10
Alex
A healthy woman wants sex, you need to be treated.
#11
Alex
A healthy woman wants sex, you need to be treated.
#12
Guest
... A healthy woman with an intact brain from freeloaders and hackers, does not sleep without obligations, marriage or financial gain or help in business.
#13
August
Well, that is, in most cases, she does not sleep at all ;-) Others get pleasure from her. 04 November 2019 Most men get out in sex only due to the emotional component.
Of course, I could finish with anyone thanks to the clitoral orgasm. But this does not change the situation.
#15
August
Well, in most cases, she doesn't sleep at all ;-) Others get pleasure from her.
#16
Guest
Sex for sex- few women need this and pleasure will bring
9000
Guest
At what age did you realize that sex without obligations is not good? nineNovember 04, 2019 57
#19
#20
#21
Guest
Who told you this nonsense?
#22
Guest
Who told you this nonsense? November 04, 2019
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Psychologist
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Letosheva Tati
Expert in Eastern practices
10 answers
#24
#25
9000 #27 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000
006 Cocktail with vodka
At the age of 15 I realized that sex is only with commitment.
November 04, 2019 Sex without obligation or financial gain is sex charity, a waste of time, health risks.
True stories
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My husband and his children and grandchildren piss me off...
883 Answer
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The man immediately warned that all property was recorded for children
742 Reply
-
Such a salary - I do not want to work
9000 522 Response 9000 -
Husband left, 2 months of depression... How will you cope if you are left all alone?
179answers
00 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 of the year. How to destroy?
800 answers
#29
August
It's not us, it's the insidious aliens who inspire you, and nothing will happen to them.
And we, ordinary earthly men, will have to suffer equally from illnesses and bear financial losses from alimony in the event of an unplanned pregnancy. True, the second option, with a conscientious attitude to contraception by a woman, is unlikely (hundredths of a percent).
#30
Guest
he stuck it for free without obligation and disappeared in an unknown direction, this is an impracticable task) 2) there is no 100% reliable protection, and the condom can break, and oral contraceptives do not work. Besides, who is interested in imposing sex without a condom, because the sensations are not the same? ) Of course, these are men, for obvious reasons, because they don’t have to risk themselves) 3) Ordinary STDs in women are more difficult, damage the reproductive system, lead to infertility, in men it is easier and almost without consequences (does not mean severe STDs, it is clear that both sexes are at risk) There is at least one reason for a woman to give charitable sex to men without obligations, financial benefits and other benefits) There is none, it's a waste of time and risks)
#31
Guest
.
.. and rushed by the star*Yes "Kochka" :)
9000 #32
Guest
Liability arises from the contract. From birth, a man owes nothing to a woman. If a woman is weaker, then these questions are not for a man, but for God, nature. The contract is the equality of the parties. Not men created the body of a woman and not a man to be responsible for the inferiority of a woman. Usually, if a person is incapacitated, then he is deprived of his rights, and they are not given to him even more. You are weaker, then know your place. nine0005
#33
Alex
A healthy woman wants sex all the time, it's natural. Women with physical or psychological problems do not want sex.
#34
#35
From birth, a man owes nothing to a woman.
If a woman is weaker, then these questions are not for a man, but for God, nature. The contract is the equality of the parties. Not men created the body of a woman and not a man to be responsible for the inferiority of a woman. Usually, if a person is incapacitated, then he is deprived of his rights, and they are not given to him even more. You are weaker, then know your place. nineNovember 04, 2019 risks)
#37
Vodka cocktail
#38
Guest
Men rule the world, and women rule men. So who is weaker here?
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A man who wants to sleep with women for free and without obligations, so he forcibly imposes on women the idea of charitable sex that women owe to men.
nine0005
#40
#41
Guest
is you in the next Hollywood movie of Obamka, the Obamka heard the chicken?) you controlled men, then you didn’t whine on this forum about how bad everything is with you, and you didn’t create miserable fantasies of “everyone getting married”. Over this forum, shkolota is already making video reviews and laughing at you, and you all fart)) Shkolota is smarter than Russian women, although it should be the other way around. You are the **** of the world. nine0005
#42
Alex
A healthy woman wants sex all the time, it's natural. Women with physical or psychological problems do not want sex.
#43
August
Well, of course, with so many phobias, you won't be able to enjoy sex. You will lie and think how terrible it is to wake up, if with a probability of 0.01% some kind of bad luck will happen. By the way, if you drive a car, the probability of dying in an accident is 0.04% ;-)
#45
#46
9000 Freeloader, I understand your burning desire for a freebie, but think for yourself why this is a woman) ...
Guest
Sex for the sake of sex - few women need it and will bring pleasure
90,000 are offended by sex without obligations
#1
#2
9000
66666 #3
Sex without obligations is usually offered by poor guys who have no money for a prostitute.
#5
Guest
What is "commitment sex" anyway?
#6
#14
Yes, some women will merge from communication as soon as they hear this, but then you are honest with yourself and others.
#15
Guest
So he doesn't deny sex without obligations.
But for women who are against sex without commitment, the big question is: where were your principles before?
#16
Long-haired blonde
No virgin - no wedding!
Before putting such conditions himself then a virgin?
#17
Rick
Because he didn't warn her before sex. There should always be a warning that you are a free guy and will stay that way, even if you date someone for a long time, you are free to leave at any time.
Yes, some women will merge from communication as soon as they hear this, but you are honest with yourself and those around you.
#18
Guest
No, I have a son and I'm not going to marry anymore and I always tell women about this! That's why I have sex by mutual agreement, and not without obligation! And there are always warm relations and the opportunity to repeat. nine0005
#19
Guest
Because you choose the wrong girls - meet decent girls who hope for a romantic relationship, love ... And you need to meet and have sex without obligations with the same as you - bl *** mi. Who have no desire to enter into a relationship with someone, and the main goal is sex, no matter with whom, no matter the number of such relationships.
#20
Guest
Now is the era of free relations, no one needs to be warned about this.
On the contrary, it is necessary to warn when intentions about sex with obligations, for example: after sex, we will be obliged to live together all our lives, without the right to disperse, and if you decide to leave me, then I will cut you first, and then I will hang myself, because obligations must be performed.
#21
#22
Rick
The fact is that not everyone supports this era, and someone lives in a different era. In order to avoid a collision of eras, it is still better to warn, otherwise it can cause various mental cataclysms.
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Expert in Eastern practices
10 answers
#23
#24
RIC
Because it did not warn it before sex.
There should always be a warning that you are a free guy and will stay that way, even if you date someone for a long time, you are free to leave at any time. nine0005
Yes, some women will merge from communication as soon as they hear this, but you are honest with yourself and those around you. July 23, 2020
On the contrary, it is necessary to warn when intentions about sex with obligations, for example: after sex, we will be obliged to live together all our lives, without the right to disperse, and if you decide to leave me, then I will cut you first, and then I will hang myself, because obligations must be performed. nine0005
#26
Vasilisa Skier
So these principles never disappeared. (I am responsible for myself), as I did not let amateurs in without obligations, I will not let them in.
In fact, a divorce is visible to the naked eye, no matter how hard a man tries.
It's another matter why the hell this circus is run by fools, I don't know, I don't have an answer to this question
Uninvented stories
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My husband and his children and grandchildren piss me off...
883 Answer
-
The man immediately warned that all property was recorded for children
742 Reply
-
Such a salary - I do not want to work
9000 522 Response 9000 -
Husband left, 2 months of depression... How will you cope if you are left all alone?
179
00 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 of the year. How to destroy?
800 answers
#27
Guest
No, I have a son and I'm not going to get married anymore and I always tell women about it! That's why I have sex by mutual agreement, and not without obligation! And there are always warm relations and the opportunity to repeat.
#28
Hohlushechka
A very adequate position.
There was no woman who, after sex, wanted a serious relationship with you and persistently offered them? nine0005
#29
Long-haired blonde
The good news is that you are at least honest and not a vile lying creature.
#30
Long-haired blonde
If they warn you before sex that they need sex without commitment, then they will have to live without sex. July 23, 2020 If she needs relationships, then I kindly merge without bringing us to bed, so that we lose our time and she could look for Alen for herself, and not be offended by me. I don't want sex at any cost! Don't offend women! A woman will be offended in any way: she didn’t fuck - a goat, she fucked and did not marry - a goat! But, in the 1st case, she will quickly forget you, and in the 2nd she will send curses all her life! 😉😁
#32
Guest
I know about sex for love, sex in marriage, but I have no idea what sex with obligations is.
#33
Long-haired blonde
Do not attribute normal men to smart-ass creatures who are brazenly bred for sex!
#34
#35
#36
Guest
)
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Where to get passionate lovers and mistresses? nine0316
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#37
, some men have no human qualities.
Do something. stir up emotions.. it's so difficult... especially if it's about serious help, they just run away...
Isn't it nice to sleep with such a man? This is not a man
#38
#39
And women have these qualities chtoli? )))
#40
Guest
Many have
#41
MOONSHINE
You "meet you" meet you " communicate, meet", which takes more than one day. Almost any normal girl, if she goes through these stages, tunes in to normal, adequate and, most importantly, long-term relationships, from which something can develop in the future.
Sex for her is like the next stage in a relationship (further, as they say, only children). If before sex you say that this is "sex without obligations", then most likely you will get a lapel turn, because. many are not going to have sex for the sake of sex, only for further relationships. If she considered you as a future partner, then of course she would be offended that she was accepted, I apologize, for a night bed. Even if you didn’t think about it, it probably sounded like this. As for me, either apologize or find out what your underrelationship is. That's all
#42
Guest
Because you choose the wrong girls - meet decent girls who hope for a romantic relationship, love ... And you need to meet and have sex without obligations with the same as you - bl *** mi. Who have no desire to enter into a relationship with someone, and the main goal is sex, no matter with whom, no matter the number of such relationships.
#43
Guest
So he doesn't deny sex without obligations.
But for women who are against sex without commitment, the big question is: where were your principles before?
#44
Guest
No, I have a son and I'm not going to get married anymore and I always tell women about this! That's why I have sex by mutual agreement, and not without obligation! And there are always warm relations and the opportunity to repeat. nine0005
#45
Guest
And yet, please answer, what is this sex with obligations of yours?
#46
Guest
That's great! Many women themselves are against living together, limiting their freedom, for easy communication, sex and friendship.
