Functional family definition
Functional vs. Dysfunctional Family I Psych Central
A functional family is filled with mutual love, respect, humor, and boundaries.
There’s no such thing as a “perfect” family. Families fight. They sometimes hurt each other. Parents make mistakes, and children do, too.
Families can be imperfect and functional at the same time.
But some families are dysfunctional. According to a 2018 study, growing up in a dysfunctional family can have many negative effects, including mental health challenges and difficulty at work and in relationships.
But what makes a family dysfunctional, and is it possible for your family to become well-functioning? If you think your family has dysfunctional traits, tools such as functional family therapy can help.
We talk a lot about “dysfunctional” families. But to understand dysfunction within families, we need to understand what it is that makes a family functional and healthy.
Families don’t have to be perfect or idyllic to be functional. Arguments will happen, and kids will probably break the rules sometimes. But in a well-functioning family, these hiccups don’t lead to abuse or breakdowns.
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, a functional family:
- Enjoys spending time together: They’re able to have fun together despite daily stress and responsibilities.
- Clearly defines rules and roles: For the most part, every member of the family sticks to the rules. But a crucial feature of a functional family is that the rules are flexible and can change as members of the family grow and change. Part of these established rules is that there are boundaries in place. For example, children aren’t brought into conflicts between parents. And parents don’t try to act like their children’s peers.
- Embraces mutual respect: The adults are respected as the people in charge, but children are also respected as individuals with their own personalities and desires.
Every child is treated equally, and siblings aren’t made to compete against each other for their parents’ love. - Doesn’t have abuse and neglect: Parents provide care for their children, and children aren’t expected to take on adult responsibilities. Every member of the family feels safe, and the home is free from violence (both physical and psychological).
- Engages in healthy conflict: Conflict is allowed in a functional family. When someone doesn’t agree, they’re allowed to express their anger (in respectful ways). No one is shamed for experiencing conflict or appropriate emotion.
- Celebrates individual differences: Family members are encouraged to have their own feelings about things. The family can change — including parents and children — without anyone getting upset. Each person is free to strive for their individual goals and express their needs.
A dysfunctional family often doesn’t allow individual members to express their emotions or needs.
There’s an overall sense of tension within the family.
Families can be dysfunctional for several reasons. It can sometimes be because one or both parents live with an addiction, a mental health condition, or a personality disorder (such as narcissistic personality disorder).
Other times, the family may become dysfunctional because one of the children has emotional or behavioral difficulties, and the family begins to revolve around this child.
But dysfunctional families aren’t usually caused by only one person, although one person’s addiction or behavior may contribute heavily.
Family systems theory states that the family is a complex system in which each member influences the other. So, instead of blaming one person for the dysfunction, it may be more useful to figure out the underlying interactions that may have contributed to the dysfunction.
According to a 2016 article, some common traits of a dysfunctional family include:
- one or both parents live with a substance use disorder or mental health condition that prevents them from being able to parent in healthy ways
- children are “parentified” and take on too many responsibilities (such as taking care of a sick parent)
- parents are absent, so children are left to fend for themselves
- there’s violence in the household (e.
g., children are abused, or there’s partner abuse between parents) - there are no clear boundaries or rules within the family, leading to chaos and neglect
- the family is ruled by one dominant member who doesn’t consider the wants or needs of the other members
- there’s no demonstration of love or affection between family members, which can sometimes be cultural
- family members invade each other’s personal privacy without consent (such as parents reading through a child’s journal or diary)
- communication is stifled, and children aren’t allowed to express themselves
- children are used as weapons or pawns, either against each other or in parental arguments
- there’s physical, sexual, or emotional abuse
- parents expect perfection from their children
- adherence to authoritarian rules is expected with no flexibility
If you’ve realized that your family is dysfunctional, help is available. There are practices you can adopt to try to create a more functional family.
- Try to encourage respectful communication between family members. Allowing individual differences in opinions without shaming anyone for their feelings is a good way to do this.
- Consider creating rules, routines, and structure. This creates predictability and emotional safety. But try to be flexible about these rules and allow them to change as family members grow.
- Try to avoid using violence or the threat of violence as a punishment.
- Making sure that parents’ and children’s roles are clear within the family can be helpful. Try to avoid placing parental responsibilities on children or acting like their “friends” instead of a parent.
- Try to find opportunities to have fun together.
On top of these tips, family therapy could also be helpful. Family therapy can help you address underlying issues and dynamics that have led to a dysfunctional family.
There are many different types of family therapy.
Functional family therapy (FFT) is a short-term, in-home counseling method that focuses on strengthening families to help reduce problematic adolescent behaviors.
It includes five phases that build upon each other.
If you have a teen in your family who needs support, FFT could help your family come together to increase your resources, clarify family roles, and give your child the support they need.
No family is perfect. Instead of striving to have a perfect family, try to build a well-functioning one.
Creating a well-functioning family is possible, especially with the right support.
Family therapy methods such as functional family therapy (FFT) can help you address and repair dysfunctional dynamics within your family. You can check out FFT Locations to find one near you.
What makes a family "Functional"?
The following is a list of qualities that make up a family that functions effectively. Functional families encourage and provide:
Respect:
Respect is the binding essential ingredient of a functional family. All people in the family must be respectful as consistently as possible. Being kind-hearted to each other is the glue that will bond the family for the long haul.
An Emotionally Secure Environment.
All members of the family need to have a voice. They are freely allowed to share their opinions, thoughts, wants, dreams, desires, and feelings without fear of being criticised, shamed, belittled, or dismissed.
There are clear boundaries in the family.
We aren’t each other’s friends. A parent is a parent no matter how friendly they may be. Parents’ responsibility is to lead and to train and teach their children.
Children are kept out of tension between the mother and father.
The mum and dad do not make disparaging or negative remarks about one another, especially in front of the children.
There is open communication among all family members.
Communication does not go through one person. Children are encouraged and allowed to speak for themselves in a respectful manner.
Conflict is allowed.
A functional family will have conflict. Sometimes things might be said that is regretful.
If we can feel and show remorse for our part, (that includes parents) quickly apologize, ask for and receive forgiveness, no harm is done. You may even become closer for it.
Allow appropriate Expression of Emotions.
Express anger, in a controlled manner. Teach empathy and how to respond sensitively to each other. Parents need to model this behaviour also.
Encourage family members’ development.
Individual differences are appreciated, even celebrated. This allows the kids to become independent when it’s appropriate and come back to the safety of the family when they need nurturing.
The adults in the family need to be allowed to grow as well. A mother may want to get back to college, or a father may decide to change jobs and start something new. These changes need to be discussed about how they will affect everyone in the family, adjustment, perhaps negotiation, but again, if done with respect everyone can be satisfied.
Parents Work as a Co-Parenting Team.
A functional family is one where the adults are at the center of the family, in charge, and pulling together in the same direction. This creates a very secure environment for the children. In a functional family parents, divorced or married, take responsibility. Kids need the assurance that the adults are in control, even if they may not thank you for it.
Eating Meals Together.
So hard to do in today’s society but research does show that communication within a family is enhanced if we take more meals together, even if it’s in front of the TV.
Functional and dysfunctional families - an article by psychologist Olesya Ivanisko
Families are different. For some people, the family is associated with joy, support, love, care, understanding and security, the smell of grandmother's pies, the warmth and tenderness of mother's hands, the sparkle of dad's jokes, for other people, the family causes negative emotions of resentment, guilt, heartache, longing, disappointment, associated with screams, scandals, humiliation, the smell of alcohol, unwashed dishes, danger, loneliness, rejection, uselessness, and others have mixed feelings.
For some, parents, grandparents are an example and an ideal to follow, for others, “I will be anyone, just not like them.” For some, the family was a supportive and nourishing environment that helped them grow and develop, grow up and find their place in life, for others, a source of suffering, intrapersonal conflicts, and childhood traumas. Some grew up in functional families, others in dysfunctional ones.
A dysfunctional family is not necessarily socially disadvantaged, it is not limited to the dwellings of alcoholics, dens of drug addicts and citizens with antisocial inclinations. Quite often, a lot of personal dramas and tragedies are hidden behind a completely prosperous facade. If you want to know dysfunctional families from the inside, read Russian and foreign classics, for example, M.E. Saltykov-Shchedrin or Brody's Castle by Archibald Cronin. Here, the destructive influence of a dysfunctional family on its individual member is revealed in all its glory. The family is a system and each of its members performs a certain function in it.
A functional family aims at the well-being of all its members; in a dysfunctional family, the well-being of some members is achieved through the suffering and disadvantage of others. Any system is aimed at its preservation, and the family is no exception. In a dysfunctional system, in order to preserve its vital activity, the lives of its individual members can also be sacrificed. All this is clearly revealed in "Mr. Golovlyov", the epilogue of which could be made "and there was nobody left."
By what signs can one distinguish a functional family from a dysfunctional one?
- Ability to solve problems. In a functional family, problems are recognized, discussed, several solutions are considered, missing information is collected, if necessary, third-party experts are involved (doctor, defectologist, speech therapist, psychologist, lawyer, tutor, etc.), the final decision is made, it is implemented and the received result. In case of an unsatisfactory result, other solutions are sought and implemented.
In dysfunctional families, problems are denied, devalued, repressed, hushed up, unresolved, shifted on top of each other, their solution is endlessly postponed. If some actions are taken, it is often chaotic, impulsive, without analysis, evaluation and bringing to a successful result. In dysfunctional families, even such obvious problems as chronic alcoholism, drug addiction, mental pathologies, serious delays in the development of children, etc. can go unnoticed. Thus, a functional family solves its problems, while a dysfunctional one accumulates them and spends energy on building an external facade of pseudo-well-being. - Building communication in the family. As a rule, in a functional family, a clear communication scheme is built that is understandable to all members. For example, if I want something from Vasya, I go and communicate with him directly, and do not try to influence him through third and fourth parties. If I am dissatisfied with Vasya's act, I am also ready to express it directly to him, without plunging into resentment, manipulation, organizing coalitions against Vasya and hatching plans for revenge.
The emotional and semantic content of the phrases are consistent with each other and do not enter into an internal contradiction. In a functional family, there is an opportunity to directly state one's feelings, desires and needs, to express one's opinion; in a dysfunctional family, this is associated with humiliation, condemnation, misunderstanding, punishment and insecurity. - Distribution of family roles. In a functional family, roles naturally change as the family develops. For example, a young wife becomes a mother; as a child grows up, maternal functions naturally change. The mother provides the grown-up child with more autonomy, makes demands on him corresponding to his age, etc. In a dysfunctional family, roles seem to freeze and change little. For example, the mother of a 12-year-old teenager treats him the same way as a baby, fulfilling his every desire and whim at the first call. And the father of two children behaves and feels exactly the same as a single man.
The mother-in-law does not realize that the son has grown up and is building a separate family, continues to behave as if the son is not married at all. There can also be role confusion in a dysfunctional family. For example:
- the child becomes a psychological parent to his infantile mother: he drags away bottles of alcohol and pours them into the sink, endlessly consoles and supports his mother, tries to solve her adult problems;
- grandmother takes the place of her grandchildren, demanding endless attention, care and love
- the son takes the place of a psychological husband next to his mother, entertaining her in every possible way, justifying her expectations, trying with all his might to become the man she misses so much
- The wife takes the place of the psychological daughter next to her husband, competes for attention and care with her own children, refuses to perform the functions of mother and wife.
If, while reading the article, you found signs of dysfunction in your own family, this is not a cause for disappointment, but rather a signal for further correction of the situation and further improvement. The road will be mastered by the walking one.
Author of the article, psychologist
Olesya Ivanisko
You can sign up for a consultation: https://vk.com/id4892297.
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SubscribeSigns of a functional family
1. Problems are acknowledged and are resolved.
2. Freedoms are encouraged (freedom of perception, freedom of thought and discussion, the freedom to have your feelings, desires, freedom of creativity).
3.
Every member of the family has its own unique value, differences between family members are highly valued.
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| Rice. 2. The main components of the functional family system |
4. Family members can satisfy your own needs.
5. Parents do what they say.
6. Roles are chosen, not imposed.
7. There is a place in the family entertainment.
8. Mistakes are forgiven, on they are learning.
9. Family system exists for the individual, and not vice versa.
10. The rules and laws of the family are flexible, their can be discussed.
Comparison of characteristics of functional and dysfunctional families in a condensed form can be represented as follows.
On rice. 2 schematically depicted functional, and in Fig. 3 - dysfunctional family system. The drawings are taken and adapted from the book by John Bradshaw "Family". (Bradshaw J., 1988).
The figure shows distinct circles and squares mean that each person has clearly defined boundaries "I" at the same time these boundaries semi-permeable so that others can enter the territory of another, but each a family member can say "no" and thereby protecting their borders; sign ↕ indicates that every person has good relationship with oneself. Arrows contacts between family members are indicated.
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| Rice. 3. Dysfunctional family system |
functional family rules (see above enumeration).
The functional the system embodies the following main principles.
1. The whole is greater than the sum of the parts.
2. The system is dynamic - constantly looking for openness and growth, adapting to stress and using feedback.
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| Rice. 4. Impenetrable boundaries in dysfunctional family |
3. Rules open and are discussed.
4. There is a balance mutual respect: "We are together" - "Everyone is individual."
5.Customization provided low levels of anxiety as an intrapersonal, as well as interpersonal.
The figure shows the mixing of boundaries family members, they seem to be partially dissolve one into another and do not know where one person ends and begins another.
A dysfunctional system embodies the following principles.
1. High level chronic anxiety.
2. Confluence of borders.
3. Obscure hidden rules.
4. The system is ossified and static (these are the roles).
5. Non-differentiation the ego of each member of the family.
6. Loss of freedoms.
7. Pseudo-reciprocity, pseudocohesion.
On fig. 4 shows a dysfunctional a system in which the boundaries between members look like concrete walls (solidity of lines). Borders are strong impenetrable. Distance of figures reflects a great emotional distance. Noteworthy is the absence contacts (no arrows) between parents. Father's contacts with children are not always bilateral. Curly arrows inside circles and squares show bad relationship with yourself. Family embodies in itself:
1. High level anxiety.
2. Ossified roles and borders.
3. Loss of freedoms (spontaneity).
4. Lack of reciprocity.
5. Loneliness and excess rationality.
Comparison of functional and dysfunctional families
| Dysfunctional families role inflexibility, functions are rigid. The rules are inhumane they are impossible to follow. Borders are either missing or impenetrable (silence, fenced off). Communications are indirect and hidden. Feelings are not valued. Expression ban some feelings. Encouraged either rebellion or addiction and obedience. Individuals are unable resolve conflicts. Outcome: unacceptable and destructive. | Functional families role flexibility, function interchangeability. The rules are humane and promote harmony, encourage honesty. Borders are recognized and are respected. Communications are direct. Feelings are open. Freedom to speak. Encourage growth and independence. Individuals are capable see conflicts. Outcome: acceptable and constructive. |
It goes without saying that in the degree of dysfunctional families there may be different gradations - less disrupted in their functions of the family, more violated. You can separate subtypes only conditionally. Better in practice peer into unique features each individual family. They say that I I agree that every family has their language, their rules, their traditions, and until you understand them, you should not enter into the family with their advice and attitudes.
However, one scheme attracted me (I took her in a family therapy program, where she was treated). Scheme divides families not into 2 groups, as above, but by 3. This gives an idea of the transitional cases between functional (normal) families and dysfunctional (families of chemically dependent patients). I will give this diagram here.
table 4. Characteristics of families of 3 types
| Healthy families | Problem families | Families of patients addiction |
| 1. Open to change | "Nothing can be to do. Is there any point in trying?" | solid, "cemented", immutable. |
| 2. High level self worth | Unstable feeling own value, covered attempts at self-control | Low level feeling of self-worth. Instead of taking responsibility desire to blame |
| 3. Functional methods of psychological protection | Protections are used to hide the pain, to deny real feelings. The choice is lost. Constantly either a smile or tears, or complaints | No choice. Reactions sharp, automatic, frozen, dictated by fear |
| 4. Clear rules, which can be discussed. Respect for each other's property, use phone. calm attitude towards household chores, etc. | Obscure and fickle rules. | hard command or no rules at all. Chaos in everything. Rules cannot be followed |
| 5. People take risks - express feelings, thoughts, ideas, their points of view | People feel uncertain and unreliable to freely express feelings or opinions. rule "Don't Rock the Boat" | Problem denial. Ignore everything incomprehensible, threatening. The "don't talk" rule applies even for serious problems, especially drunkenness. |
| 6. Can resist stress, perceiving the pain of others family members. Caring and careful attitude towards each other | Avoid pain, don't see her in others | Deny stress already can no longer be with him deal and cope |
| 7. | Parents can compete with children, growing up which are perceived as painful. Semes don't talk about the sexual side life | Passing periods lives are ignored. family members are afraid change. Adults are treated like children. Children may act like adults |
| 8. Either a clear hierarchy, or equality in relationships. Strong coalitions of parents. Less control needs. Can lead negotiations | Hidden coalitions between members of different generations. Weak parental coalitions. Tendency to rigid dominance, suppression | Roles can be upside down - children take care of parents, parents irresponsible and helpless children. |
| 9. Feelings are open. Direct expression of feelings - all feelings good and normal, including anger | Negativism, dominance negative feelings, arguments in benefits of mood control. Alone feelings are normal, others are not | clear hostility, sadism. Everyone is trying to manipulate each other and hurt |
Correct/incorrect 
It all depends on who (parent, child) asks a question and in what day upbringing in dysfunctional family shapes those psychological traits that constitute the "soil" of codependency.
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| Rice. 5. Roots and branches of dependencies |
Consider codependency only as a response to family stress in the form of dependence on psychoactive connections one of the members would have wrong. Stress is the trigger process trigger when the existing "soil" comes into movement.
At one of the seminars where I spoke about alcoholism as a family disease, about the defeat of family members or addiction either codependency, one woman me asked:
- In our family, how I know there were no alcoholics. But I'm on my own I find many signs of codependence, which you are talking about. So maybe?
- Yes, it happens a lot. often. Perhaps you have grown emotionally repressive family, where the rules of pedagogy were poisonous.
My experience as a psychotherapist confirms the possibility of developing codependence in dysfunctional families, not only alcoholic type. Without alcoholism in family is also possible codependency.
In occurrence codependencies play a role factors. In addition to cohabitation with the patient, insufficient social support in the environment, the need to overcome difficulties.
