Fixing a marriage after infidelity
5 Ways to Repair Your Marriage After Cheating
Infidelity is experienced by many couples, and if it happens to you, you may begin to feel helpless in your relationship. Whether you are the one who has cheated or the one cheated on, you both can experience pain, loneliness, and upset. But don’t give up hope – healing is possible. Although it takes hard work, there are several ways that a couple can restore and rebuild a happy, healthy relationship after unfaithfulness occurs.
Here are 5 Ways to Repair Your Marriage After Cheating
1. Acknowledge the Underlying Cause
Cheating often occurs because of a certain disconnect within the relationship; it is essential to understand what caused this behavior in you or your partner. There are several types of disconnections you could experience that could lead to cheating. A big factor in relationships that experience issues with infidelity is an emotional disconnection.
If you or your partner have cheated, it may be a result of not feeling emotionally validated, or you feel like your emotional needs are not being met. Emotional needs require you to feel valued, worthy, and loved by your partner. If those needs are not being met, it can be easy to pursue someone outside of your relationship that is feeding your emotional needs.
Another possible cause for cheating could be related to the attachment style of your partner. According to attachment theory, the emotional bond and connection you share with your caregiver as a child leads to how you form relationships as an adult. If you experienced a childhood where your emotional needs were not met, and you did not form trusting, reliable, and meaningful bonds with your caregiver, it could lead to difficulty in your adult relationships.
2. Commit to Quit
Cheating must be stopped completely for your relationship restoration to be successful. It is extremely important that the person who cheated cuts off all communication with the person they were having an affair with. This lets the person who was cheated on find comfort that there will no longer be a relationship with that outside person.
After cutting off communication, you must promise your partner that the past affair will no longer continue, and that no future affairs will occur. By making a promise, you are creating a boundary together, and a standard to follow. This can help rebuild trust.
Contrarily, any urges to cheat in the future need to be avoided. Any trust that is established after an affair will likely be destroyed if another affair occurs. Part of the promise to not cheat is to hold the person that cheated accountable, and to give the person who was cheated on a chance to trust again.
3. Honest Discussions
Despite the difficulty of being honest in a situation of infidelity, the person who cheated and the person who was cheated on need to have the courage to engage in open and safe discussions about the incident.
The person who has cheated may not understand the reasons for their actions, and they must discover the possibilities of why they acted out in that way. By having honest and open discussions about the infidelity, the person who cheated may uncover some thoughts or intentions of why they became involved in the affair.
Part of the honest discussions includes unveiling some information that may be difficult to discuss. The person who cheated must openly talk about the incident, but in a way that allows their partner to feel secure.
Before discussing any hidden information, you and your partner should discuss boundaries for the conversation. If the person who was cheated on is willing to hear what the person who cheated has hid from them, the person who cheated must be honest with their partner (no matter how uncomfortable it may be).
In turn, if the person who was cheated on has any questions about the incident, the person who cheated should be willing to give honest answers, but be mindful of the pain and trauma their partner could experience from harsh details. If both partners are honest with their feelings, respectful to one another, and open, it could lead to healing in the long run.
4. Rebuilding Trust and Healing
After all issues are addressed and handled, restoring the relationship can begin.
It should be established that there is always an outlet for open communication. It is essential for both partners to listen to each other’s needs when necessary.
The person who cheated should be receptive to their partner’s needs and respect any concerns they may have. The person who cheated must exhibit courage as their hurt partner talks about their feelings, which could be difficult. If the hurt partner is questioning the relationship, the person who cheated needs to understand that listening to their thoughts is important for any chance of healing.
Another important aspect of rebuilding trust and healing is to be vulnerable. Both you and your partner need to be open to each other’s thoughts, feelings and ideas about the relationship.
Some things may be difficult to address, but it is essential for healing. By being vulnerable, you are showing each other that you are willing to expose your true emotions about the situation and each other.
When the time is right, it may be beneficial to participate in enjoyable events together.
You can go on a dinner date, watch your favorite film together, or spend an evening doing something you used to love doing together. Regardless, it is important to take a break from negativity, and try to include positive moments during this time. It can restore a connection, and lead to healing and rebuilding trust.
5. Seek Marriage Counseling
Sometimes we can’t heal on our own, and that’s okay. Marriage counseling can help you and your partner to set goals and heal your relationship. Through counseling, a therapist can help you to identify the underlying cause of the affair that occurred.
After you understand the reasons for the affair, you can discuss each of your emotions, if your emotional needs are being met, and what forms of communication are needed to make sure those needs are fulfilled.
The goals that you set in counseling can teach you and your partner new ways to rebuild trust, and it can promote healing for your relationship.
Cheating is a hardship that many married couples face, but it doesn’t mean you are doomed.
If you are experiencing issues regarding an affair, or feel that an affair may occur, be proactive in finding a way to solve this issue with your partner. Sometimes, you just lose touch with each other, but finding a way back is always possible.
10 Tips to Restore Marriage After Affair
In This Article
If you are trying to heal your marriage after an affair, we feel for you.
It’s a tough challenge, but you can overcome one if you and your spouse invest the effort to learn the art of reconstructing marriages after the trauma of infidelity.
The process of reconstructing your marriage is different for each spouse.
Defining infidelity in marriageInfidelity is often shrouded in taboo and secrecy, making it difficult to determine what constitutes an act of infidelity.
So, what does infidelity mean? What is cheating in a relationship? In general, an act of infidelity can be defined as a sexual relationship or activity outside of the marriage.
If you wonder what is considered cheating in a relationship, know that relationship can be physical, emotional, or otherwise, as long as it takes place outside the bounds of the marriage. There are many different types of behaviors that can be considered acts of infidelity.
These include affairs, flirting, having emotional or sexual relations with someone other than one’s spouse, and online relationships.
Why affairs happenAffairs outside of marriage are a sad occurrence, and they happen for many reasons. People can have affairs for a variety of reasons, such as feeling trapped in an unhappy marriage or wanting to feel excitement and excitement in their marriage.
Also, some people might have an affair because they find that their significant other does not satisfy them sexually. Whatever the reason for infidelity, however, cheating in a relationship can be devastating to a relationship and can lead to a lot of hurt feelings and resentment.
It is never acceptable to cheat on your spouse or partner, even if your marriage is not happy.
You should always work to improve your relationship instead of putting your partner down or betraying him or her.
What helps couples rebuild their relationship after infidelity?Can your marriage survive an affair? How to restore a marriage after an affair? A broken relationship is one of the most difficult things a person can experience. When trust is broken, communication becomes difficult.
1. Quality timeOne way of how to restore a marriage after an affair is to spend some quality time together. Let your partner know that you still love them and that you are there for them.
2. Rebuild trust“Rebuilding trust is vital to fix a broken relationship[1] after cheating.” Once trust is rebuilt, it will be much easier to communicate without the threat of betrayal looming over your relationship.
3. Take helpGet emotional support from friends, family, or a therapist. It can be comforting to know that you are not alone in your struggle.
Having a support system can help you manage your stress and give you the support you need to get through a difficult time.
Having some space for yourself and seeking answers within is important. Take some time for yourself so that you can refocus your energy on rebuilding the relationship.
5. Communicate effectivelyCommunication is one of the most important pillars of a relationship. Communicate your feelings in a healthy way. Try not to bottle up your emotions or hold grudges.
10 tips for reconstructing marriages after infidelitySo, how do you build your marriage after cheating or repairing a marriage after an affair?
If you wonder, “How to save my marriage?”Below you will find our best tips to help the unfaithful spouse understand what they need to do to ensure that the process of healing has the best chance of success.
1. Cut all contact with your loverFor recovery from an affair, it’s important for you to understand that if you want to repair your marriage, you can’t risk even being friends with your ex-lover.
At least not if you want to save your marriage. It just won’t work.
In this phase for fixing marriage after an affair, it’s also important to be honest with your spouse.
If you happen to see your lover by chance, tell your spouse, also inform your partner if your ex-lover contacts you. It won’t feel good to do this, but it will allow you and your spouse to discuss the situation and also begin to rebuild trust.
3. Show your spouse that you deleted all contacts with your ex-loverDisplay this by removing the contact details and deleting your social media connections with your ex-lover in front of your spouse.
It could also help your spouse to develop trust again if for a short period you allow them to have access to your social media and phone to help them understand that the affair is over and you have nothing to hide.
4. Empathize with your spouseLet’s be honest; you cheated, you are going to need to take the consequences of that, you are going to need to accept the emotional response that your spouse will give to you.
This is not going to be good.
It’s crucial that your spouse has space and time to express their feelings about the situation (including their hurt and anger). While your spouse is expressing their emotion, it’s important that you practice empathy no matter how frustrating things may seem.
These difficulties will pass.
It’s important for you to remember that you have rebuilt a little something just by accepting your spouse’s reaction and empathizing with them. Get through this phase successfully and your spouse will begin to feel emotionally held by you. Also, in a strange way, you’ve just created a new intimate moment between you, which could be considered the first steps to a new healthy marriage.
5. Keep interactions business like if neededIf you work with the person, keep your interactions businesslike and be prepared to have to discuss with your spouse whether you will stay working with your lover or not. Remember jobs are replaceable, but your marriage is not.
The advice in this section all seems cold and harsh, but it’s the only way that you will be able to begin to rebuild trust between you.
Over time things will return to normal. Although any secret behavior in the future could cause concern for your spouse – it’s worth noting that.
6. Be prepared to answer all questionsCouples heal their marriage better if the cheating spouse answers all of the questions that their spouse has about their relationship.
It helps the spouse who has been cheated to heal and reconcile the information. It also reduces any ‘what if?’ questions and takes all of the mystery out of the situation, thereby, helping your spouse to feel more in control of the situation and less vulnerable.
It eliminates secrets and promotes trust.
7. Keep talking and listening, no matter how long it takesFor restoring a marriage after an affair, remember that you can’t force your spouse’s healing process. They may need to go over the situation with you many times before they can put it to bed.
Go through the motions, be honest, talk to your spouse, listen to them and try to ring the changes necessary to get through this even if it takes a long time.
8. Avoid other secretive meetings even with friends and familyStop the affair and assure your spouse it is over. It could trigger paranoia in your spouse and re-open fragile wounds. Keep things transparent and open for the sake of the relationship.
9. Manage your expectationsFor reconstructing marriages after the trauma of infidelity, don’t be misled into thinking that forgiveness will come quickly or easily. You will be mistaken.
You can expect to experience anger, tears, rage, blame, aloofness and everything else in between from your spouse. Stay with it. It will pass – especially if your spouse is taking the appropriate steps to heal from the affair too.
Check out this video for managing expectations in the relationship:
10. Take responsibilityThere may be reasons why you had an affair.
Perhaps, your marriage was on the rocks, your sex life was non-existent, and your spouse had issues connecting with you. No matter what led you to this place, under no circumstances, blame your spouse.
You can work through any issues that lead to your cheating as you rebuild your marriage, but it’s vital that you don’t blame your spouse.
Instead, apologize as many times as it takes, show regret and remorse sincerely. Do everything in your power to assure your spouse that you will never cheat again. You might have to repeat this over and over again until your spouse can trust you.
But this is what you need to do to repair the damage that has been made. There will be time and space to work on any other issues that were present in the marriage before the affair, later during the healing process.
Infidelity trauma can be difficult to tackle and with the right approach of how to restore a marriage after an affair, you will definitely be able to restore the marriage after infidelity.
How to save a marriage after infidelity: advice from a psychologist using the examples of Leonid Agutin and the Clinton family
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News quarrels and especially betrayal. However, the reality is that many couples face infidelity. How to overcome resentment and restore relationships after adultery?
November 17, 2021 11:4028 776
Leonid Agutin and Anzhelika Varum
We regard cheating as something outrageous, out of the ordinary, an exception to the rule. However, the statistics are merciless: at least one in four husbands and 15% of wives are unfaithful to the second half in marriage, and according to the maximum estimates of the BBC, the numbers reach as much as 75%.
What exactly is meant by betrayal, opinions differ - for some, a joint dinner in a restaurant, a kiss, or just romantic thoughts about another person is equal to treason. And of course, neither show business stars nor mere mortals are immune from adultery. nine0005
Let's remember the situation of Leonid Agutin: since 1997 he has been inseparable from Anzhelika Varum, and for 14 years the couple was considered ideal. However, in 2011, photos and videos appeared on the Web, showing a musician kissing a certain brunette on the New Wave in Jurmala. Angelica packed her things and left for her mother, while Leonid desperately tried to get through to her, hoping to beg for forgiveness. Having met the next day at a concert, the couple were silent backstage, and sang love songs from the stage ... It was a fleeting weakness, as the artist admitted, he was insanely drunk and did not really remember the events of that ill-fated evening. However, the singer hurt Varum, and he could only fix everything with sincere repentance.
As Agutin said, for three days they were in a state of divorce. nine0005 Everything worked out, and the beloved couple of millions again took their place on the podium. But what if the case is more serious, or adultery is repeated from time to time? For example, Hillary had to not only forgive Bill Clinton for having affairs with White House employees, but also publicly support him in front of voters and refute the accusations of journalists and victims of harassment. StarHit turned to the teacher of the Department of Psychology at Synergy University, Adeline Borzova, to find out how to save a marriage after infidelity. nine0005
Who is to blame?
According to statistics, about 20% of marriages break up after adultery
The first thing that a practicing psychologist told us is that it is possible to restore the union after adultery, but for this you need to understand the etiology of adultery. The blame lies on both sides, as each spouse contributes to building a lasting relationship.
“Change does not happen suddenly. This is usually preceded by certain prerequisites. When people live together, they influence each other—every day. In the process of living together, “the eye is blurred”, and a lot happens “on autopilot”. For example, a wife asks her husband to help hang a new wall clock in the house, but he rudely brushes it off, showing disdain - the message "your requests are not important to me." The wife becomes offended, but she does not tell the chosen one about it. Time passes - the watch is still in the box, the woman feels annoyed and remembers the insult. She turns to her husband with the same request - to hang a wall clock, He brushes it off again, She feels even more annoyed, and a scandal occurs. During an argument, the couple says hurtful things, as a result of which both hold a grudge. Time passes, the conflict subsides, the couple decides not to swear anymore, because they are significant to each other, but mutual understanding does not come, ”Adelina explains.
nine0005 Over the course of the year, misunderstandings arise again and again, but the spouses try not to quarrel — they “leave” the conflict. Grievances accumulate, it becomes harder to exist together, but feelings are still alive. At the same time, a woman draws emotional nourishment from communication with children, with friends, with her mother. Well, the man does not receive nourishment and understands that he needs someone who will support him.
This famous photo shows Hillary supporting Bill Clinton as he publicly acquits himself after the Monica Lewinsky scandal
“The mode of “search for a recharge source” (heat, communication) is turned on and it finds it, Adelina continues. - Usually this is a lively, unencumbered person who knows how to have fun. If a person is capable of empathy, affection, then the incentive to create permanent, rosy, warm relationships “on the side” increases. A spouse who decides to cheat usually belongs to the type of people who are prone to excitement.
And he is ready to take risks for the sake of impressions and for the sake of marriage, no matter how strange it may sound. Cheating is a kind of way to save relationships with the second half. “Having worked up”, the cheating spouse comes “nourished”, filled with resources, in order to “fight” further with his beloved on the field of everyday life. nine0005 Probably, Bill Clinton, burdened with building a political career, suffered from a lack of communication with his wife and was looking for "warmth" on the side, as close as possible to his place of work, hence the famous story of Monica Lewinsky.
Should a marriage be kept for the sake of children?
It was rumored that Sarah Jessica forgave Matthew's betrayal only for the sake of common children
In 2008, the Western media started talking about Matthew Broderick's affair with a waitress, but Sarah Jessica Parker managed to forgive him. Six years later, Matthew again succumbed to temptation, pestering a 26-year-old brunette in a bar.
Since then, rumors have been circulating in the press that the spouses have long cooled off towards each other and remain married only for the sake of common children, but in 2019-m all and sundry discussed the scandal that Sarah threw her husband in a London restaurant. “Despite your endless harassment and wasted ink, we are approaching three decades of love, commitment, respect, family and home,” the actress commented on the microblog. If the media's assumptions are true, then should the couple continue this farce for the sake of their children? “Sacrificing your feelings for the sake of children is not a good idea,” our expert unequivocally states. - Why? Remember how your mother lamented as a child: “I do everything for you, but you can’t even wash the dishes.” This is a sacrifice that has its own “fruits”. Do you want your children to grow up into happy adults? I think yes. The path “I will tolerate infidelity or forgive my husband” is the wrong one. Children are subtle psychologists, because they feel good when adults are deceiving (remember yourself in childhood, when you didn’t want to let your mother’s friend cuddle you).
If you hold a grudge after betrayal and stay in a relationship, it will take root and grow, poisoning your mood, attitude to what is happening, feelings, and so on. After six months or a year, you will realize that you don’t love your spouse anymore and don’t want to stay in a relationship, but you have already promised the children that dad will not go anywhere. Feelings can only be hidden "in the moment", even from oneself / oneself. But to do this constantly, throughout life, is impossible. Therefore, crashes occur. After a while, you will want to drown out your feelings with alcohol, overeating, etc. So, on the rise, self-love will be lost, and the relationship will “fall apart” anyway. Another question is if you decide to keep the relationship because you still love, and this is mutual. nine0005 What to do?
Previously, trips to the New Wave were fun for Leonid and without incidents
“We worked out the concert, silently went to the dressing room, changed clothes and again parted in different directions.
The next day - a concert in St. Petersburg. Our hotel rooms were opposite. She knocked and went in. I don’t remember this in 14 years of marriage, apparently, she understood that I wouldn’t come in myself, it’s too guilty. We sat on the couch, wept and felt... happy. It was so clearly clear to us that we would not get away from each other, ”Leonid Agutin shared the story of reconciliation with Angelica. nine0005 The couple was saved by sincerity and frankness, besides, Leonid noted that since then he has been trying to prevent this, and generally eschews public gatherings. Well, Angelica, who had been silent for years, shared her personal findings with subscribers in 2019.
“A man's beloved is not the one with whom an impulsive exchange of fluids took place, but the one to whom he dedicates poetry throughout his life,” the singer emphasized. - If you are still family-oriented, and you are lucky enough to live with a person until a silver wedding, get ready, many surprises await you along the way.
And do not expect a dirty trick only from men. Sometimes, quite unexpectedly, you can surprise yourself.” nine0005 Anzhelika still calls the video with a kiss in Jurmala “the most popular video” Agutina
So, what should spouses who decide to restore relations after infidelity do? “First, sit down and talk. Alone. Reveal all the cards, tell about feelings as they are. The one who cheated tells why he did it (sincerely). The one who suffered after the betrayal listens without reproach (this is important). After discussing and voicing their feelings, both should try to turn on objectivity. For example: “I did this because you were always angry and hardly touched me. She yelled at me every day." “I was too tired and depressed, and it cut me off. I wanted warmth and hugs." “And I wanted your warmth.” - "I love you". - "And I love you". This is a constructive conversation. If such a conversation took place, this relationship should definitely be given a chance, ”Adelina Borzova is sure.
nine0005 Leonid Agutin is of the same opinion. “This is an independent decision for everyone. If you can’t live without a person, then it makes sense to agree. In theory, my wife should have left me a long time ago and just not wag her nerves, not suffer. But I'm glad she didn't. Throughout my life, it happened that I screwed up, and we don’t talk for two or three days, but we deal with it, and then everything is fine, ”the artist shared in an interview for the YouTube channel“ What about talking?
Will the relationship be the same? nine0027
“Can you honestly forgive? Yes! Everyone must go their own way. Advice does not work here,” says the singer
You can forgive and give a person a second chance, but does this mean that you will return to the starting point, or will the relationship inevitably change? And if so, is it for the better or for the worse? Judging by the Agutin-Varum couple, after the story with Jurmala, the union became even stronger, and no matter how often the haters return to this moment, the lovers remain together.
“Now everything is more detailed, there is nothing secondary, everything is important. Comfort is a big part of love. At the age of 20, there is still a struggle, all the same different people. I stopped fighting in stages, periods. After 15 years of marriage, everything settled down. For the first time, I included an older comrade. It seemed to me that I was the main one, my wife gave me such an opportunity and did not offend my feelings. Then I happily ceded my positions to her. He even began to call himself a henpecked. And the wife is the boss, she has it, such a character, ”the singer admitted. nine0005
Despite a series of sex scandals, Bill and Hillary did not divorce
Hillary and Bill Clinton grew old together, although the former president had several affairs. Yes, and Sarah Jessica Parker with Matthew Broderick, getting into the lenses of the paparazzi, looked quite happy. According to our expert, the main secret to maintaining a healthy relationship after infidelity is to try to make sure that the “dirty past” no longer stands between you.
“If you decide to keep the relationship after a constructive conversation, then you need to say all your grievances, using the phrase “savory”, without holding back. Having spoken once, try not to return to this topic again and not to recall it at every “opportune occasion,” concluded Adelina Borzova. nine0005
Adelina Borzova — a practicing psychologist with 12 years of experience, specializing in systemic family therapy and parent-child relationships
Based on materials from 7 Days.
Photo: Legion-Media, Getty Images, Instagram (an extremist organization banned in Russia).com
Text author: Alexandra Vlasova
one of you will ask: “Why save the marriage if the other half has cheated?”. However, we are all different, and some of us really need this attempt to fix everything. nine0005
Daria Gulyaykina star editor
tags:
Ksenia Borodina
Victoria Beckham
David Beckham
Princess Diana
adultery
Elena Demchenko
Lecturer in the Department of Psychology at Synergy University, psychologist at Dr.
Aronov Mental Health Center In systemic family therapy, a direction of practical psychotherapy that is in great demand today, adultery is seen as an abnormal family crisis. Like any crisis, betrayal “knocks out” the system (in our case, it is the family) out of balance.
The state of uncertainty finds its expression in fear, anger up to aggression, apathy, loss of the meaning of life. Needless to say, a difficult period for all family members.
Now we are not talking about divorce as a possible solution to the problem, so we will not dwell on the features of the work of a psychologist with divorcing couples. Our situation is betrayal in marriage, which has become obvious to both. The spouses turn to the psychologist with questions: how to live with this, is it possible to save the marriage now? nine0005
Both sides have probably already listened to a lot of advice from sympathizers: something like “understand and forgive”, “be above this”, “they cheat on everyone”, “think of it, trouble, they are still alive” and so on.
They listened and hardly followed this advice. It is understandable: there simply cannot be universal advice in such a situation! THIS IS INTERESTING
Prince Charles and other stars who fell in love at first sight
Prince Charles and Camilla Parker-Bowles met at a social party at 1970 year. “Did you know that my great-grandmother had an affair with your great-grandfather? Maybe we should try it too?" Camilla's difficult relationship with the prince began with this question. Their affair quickly grew into strong feelings. Subsequently, Parker-Bowles became Charles' mistress and the cause of Diana Spencer's unhappy marriage.
The wedding of the Prince of Wales with Camilla took place only in 2005.1 of 5
The best thing a psychologist can do for such spouses is to help each of them turn around and start a frank conversation with themselves. Honest and open. nine0005
And the main question that each of them should ask themselves is: “What is my marriage to me?” And here we will see many nuances.
Let me remind you that marriage, as a rule, is a voluntary decision of both, but it can be based on a variety of motives: flight from parents, duty, loneliness, traditions, love, prestige, revenge... Marriage is often concluded without any romance, and sometimes resembles an agreement, fixed by a marriage contract. We can observe many such examples among public figures, in politics and show business. nine0005
A familiar situation: a talented aspiring artist marries his producer's daughter. Everyone gets his own: the artist gets recognition and support, his wife gets status and certainty. In such a marriage, where it is not about the emotional closeness of the spouses, the betrayal of one or the other party can be perceived as a violation of the contractual terms.
What do they do with violators? They are punished with fines, additional agreements are concluded with them. How to save a marriage? Fulfill the relevant clause of the marriage contract.
nine0005 Another option, when marriage is based on mutual feeling, children appear in the family over time. But at some point, one or both spouses understand that there is nothing left of past feelings, except for irritation and indifference. This often happens against the background of the spouse's excessive passion for the role of mother or the active immersion of one or both spouses in work. When there seems to be no time for each other, and as a result, distance.
Sometimes cause and effect are reversed: spouses move away because there is no closeness, there are almost no common interests. But - there is an apartment in the mortgage, public opinion, traditions that are important for both (“no one gets divorced in our family!”), Yes, in general, everything has somehow settled down. This is the option when we go to visit together, but return in different cars and sleep in different bedrooms. The appearance of someone else on the side in such marriages is a completely expected situation.
nine0005 Moreover, for the family system, a lover or mistress is a kind of crutch that does not allow it to fall apart, allowing spouses to maintain an acceptable distance for both for a long time. What to do here to save the marriage? If both parties are satisfied with this, then, perhaps, nothing.
There are also mixed options, when for one of the spouses marriage is about intimacy and sincere relationships, and for the other - about some restriction of freedom, where betrayal is a sign of this freedom and something taken for granted. Here, the so-called social and family myths are often heard about the fact that "all men are polygamous" or "in our family, all women got married several times." nine0005
In such a couple, one of the spouses suffers, who, in case of betrayal, needs to come to an agreement ... with himself, to determine his motivation to remain married. Perhaps this is a fear of loneliness, perhaps an unwillingness to lower one's material level, a sense of duty to children.
But you never know what can keep in such a marriage? The only thing you should not count on is that the partner will change. It will not happen. A similar example is a marriage contract concluded in 1981 between Prince Charles of England and Diana Spencer. The royal court at one time did not accept the true beloved of the queen's son Camilla, and a way out was quickly found. Charles was found a sweet young Diana, whom Elizabeth II not only approved of, but also ordered to marry her. Diana seriously fell in love with her husband, but soon realized that there were three of them in marriage. Despite the fact that the family was shaken by infidelity, this marriage outwardly lasted almost 13 years.
We see a completely different story for couples who have developed relationships of emotional closeness and trust in marriage. Alas, there are betrayals. But in such a union, this is definitely trauma and pain for both. Especially when it comes to not only physical, but also emotional betrayal.
And this is about the loss of basic trust in the world. How else, if now you can not trust even the closest person? But parting is also unbearably painful. nine0005 Such a couple, if they decide to try to save their marriage, will have to go through two very difficult processes: the process of mourning for the lost, with the acceptance of the given (there was a betrayal, it hurts, but we decided to stay together), and then learn to trust in a new way and open up to each other and to this world. They have a positive experience of such relationships.
In conclusion, I would like to tell a story. A young couple who had recently entered into marriage came to see a psychologist. The guys were friends from school, at the graduation party they confessed their love to each other, and together they went to conquer the capital. For 10 years of relationship, they realized that they are very dear to each other. When they found out about the upcoming birth of a child, they decided to register the marriage.
