Fighting through text messages

Is Fighting Over Text Healthy? Here’s What Experts Have To Say

Dating

by Tayi Sanusi

Aug. 21, 2019

Kike Arnaiz/Stocksy

Texting is one of the most common ways to communicate with the important people in your life, probably because it's quick and easy. When it comes to romantic relationships, texting can be a great way to stay in touch with your significant other. However, text exchanges can leave a lot to be desired when it comes to hashing out conflicts. If you've ever wondered, "Is fighting over text healthy?" the truth is that there's no one-size-fits-all communication style that works for everyone. That said, it's also important to realize that having heated disagreements via text does have the potential to invite toxicity and confusion into the relationship.

According to online dating coach and dating profile writer Eric Resnick, excessive texting can lead to arguments that might not have happened if the conversation had been face-to-face. “A lot of arguments that happen in relationships, [happen when conversations are had] via text instead of in person,” Resnick previously told Elite Daily. “Starting a fight on a text robs you and your partner of context and tone. It also robs you of the ability to look at your partner and see how they actually feel." Missing these visual and auditory cues during a disagreement can cause the fight to escalate more quickly.

"Texting in the heat of the moment can result in shooting off hurtful comments you don’t really mean, and perhaps would never say face-to-face, but can’t erase," relationship expert and matchmaker Jasbina Ahluwalia previously told Elite Daily. Even though it's still possible to say something hurtful during an IRL fight, the distance that texting offers can make it much easier to cross the line. Needless to say, sending or receiving hurtful messages might not be the healthiest way to communicate. "If your partner, over text, makes you feel belittled, stupid, annoying, or any combination of these, then you need to stop texting and talk," dating coach Erika Ettin previously told Elite Daily. "Communication is the cornerstone of any good relationship, so it has to start there.”

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Unfortunately, avoiding fights via text isn't always easy because by the time you've realized you're fighting, cooling down can be tough. However, Resnick emphasized the importance of shutting down an aggressive convo ASAP. "If you are starting to have an argument via text, just stop it," said Resnick. "Tell your partner that you don't want to have an argument via text when you know you can probably talk things out better in person.” If your partner continually initiates important or intense conversations over text and it's not working for you, it might be time to set some firm boundaries about what you're willing to text about and the topics that warrant a face-to-face dialogue.

"You can set a boundary by texting, 'Thanks for your text. I think I can better understand your point of view, and share mine, by talking this out in person. When can you do that? Love you,'" suggested Ahluwalia. In some situations, even picking up the phone to talk can be more productive than texting.

Although it can be tempting to rely on texting as a primary form of communication, fighting via text isn't always a good idea. If it's becoming an issue, it's up to you and your partner to brainstorm a better way to express your feelings or handle conflicts when you're apart.

8 Reasons You Should Never Let Text Message Arguments Happen

There’s a saying among opponents of text messaging that if the telephone was invented after a text messaging device, everyone would call each other and never text again. There’s something to be said about that. I know, texting is convenient, and in today’s busy world we can’t be bothered to call each other for every little thing, but it’s important to question that mindset, especially when it comes to having important conversations.

We’ve all seen the detriments of text messaging in one way or another, and the ensuing arguments are not pretty. While some miscommunication can lead to a short pang of anxiety, a small misunderstanding through texting could lead to something much worse.

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Texting is meant for quick communication

Texting should really only be used when you need to transmit important information quickly. “Got milk.” “Can you pick up Bobby?” “Be home soon.” Nothing can really be misconstrued from these quick messages (although don’t hold me to that). When texting is used as a primary means of communication, however, things start to get out of hand.

Unfocused communication

Anyone who texts knows that it’s not the only thing you do when you do it. Usually, you’re reading a book, watching TV, scrolling through Facebook, or something other than watching the screen waiting for the next message to come in. So when you’re in an argument with a friend or significant other, chances are you’re not truly focused on the problem, and your mind is elsewhere. Not hitting a disagreement head on leads to…

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Long, drawn out arguments

Texting draws arguments out much longer than they need to be. You have to sit and wait for the other party to respond, which could take anywhere from seconds to hours, depending on the situation. While most serious arguments are dealt with immediately, sometimes one person is left in limbo, not knowing if the other even got the text, or cared enough to read it. Any delay leaves one party anxiously paranoid, which only serves to further the argument.

Texting avoids necessary confrontation

Known to psychologists as a form of avoidance, texting about major conflicts is simply a way to talk about the situation as if it’s not actually happening to you. On that same note, if you’re discussing a problem about yourself as if it doesn’t apply to you, then the solution you reach doesn’t apply to you either; nothing gets accomplished via “solution by text. ” It may be difficult, but couples who are comfortable talking out their problems in person are much more connected than those who only communicate “big things” through a cell phone screen.

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Texts can be ignored

You wouldn’t simply stare at your friend and not say something after he confronted you, would you? But we do it all the time with texts. The ultimate defense mechanism is ignoring the problem. It might be easiest at the time to simply put the phone down and come back to it “when you’re ready,” but, since there really is no convenient time to have an argument, you’ll keep putting it off until more and more damage is done. Don’t let things pile up to a breaking point; call and get through your problems.

Texting lacks emotional attachment

Like we just said, texting detaches you from the situation you’re discussing. But more than that, texts can be misconstrued, and be the beginning of certain arguments. You’ve heard the sentiment: “Oh, that sounded harsh, better say ‘lol’ and type a smiley face!” Chances are, if you sent a message that was supposed to be tongue-in-cheek, it most likely came out as derogatory. If you made the same statement in person, your friend would have heard the sarcasm in your voice, and known not to take you too seriously.

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Texts aren’t private

Text messages definitely are not private. If you and your significant other are at a party, and face a disagreement, you can leave and deal with it without others looking on. When you argue through text, you run the risk of your SO tossing his (or her) phone to a friend, commenting “Look how ridiculous this conversation is.” Of course, all that will do is reinforce your SO’s perspective, as the friend will most likely agree with the comment. Arguments should not be about “who’s right,” but rather about how both parties can reach a common ground. Making an argument public is completely counter-intuitive to this.

Texting leads to regretful statements

We’ve discussed how emotionally detached text messaging is, but let’s take it a step further. Since both parties are using texts as an emotional wall, they sometimes feel like they can say hurtful, terrible things that they never would say if they were face-to-face. In person, they’d see the love in each others’ faces, and the emotions in their voices. Being physically close to a loved one while arguing makes you realize that, in the long-run, the current argument is trivial compared to the love you share. Seriously. The next time you’re upset with someone you love, try to argue in person. Chances are, it won’t last long, and will be much more productive for your relationship.

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Featured photo credit: Free File Hunt via freefilehunt. com

Detect and stop messaging attacks

January 9, 2022

What are messaging attacks?

Smishing (a purse word combining SMS and phishing) are attacks that occur when cyber attackers use SMS, text messages, or similar messaging technologies to trick you into taking actions you shouldn't take. They may trick you into providing your credit card details, make you call a phone number to get your banking information, or convince you to fill out an online survey to collect your personal information. As with email phishing attacks, cybercriminals often play on your emotions to get you to act, such as by creating a sense of urgency or curiosity. However, what makes messaging attacks so dangerous is that there is much less information and fewer clues in text than in an email, making it much harder to detect that something is wrong. nine0003

A common scam is that you've won an iPhone and all you have to do is click a link and fill out a survey to claim it. In fact, there is no phone, and the survey is designed to collect your personal information. Another example would be a message saying that a package could not be delivered with a link to a website asking you to provide the information needed to complete the delivery, including your credit card details to cover a "service fee". In some cases, these sites may even ask you to install an unauthorized mobile application that infects your device and hijacks it. nine0003

Sometimes cybercriminals even combine telephone and messaging attacks. For example, you may receive an urgent text message from your bank asking if you have allowed an odd payment. The message will ask you to answer YES or NO to confirm the payment. If you answer, the cybercriminal now knows that you are ready to intervene and will call you, posing as the bank's fraud department. They will then try to talk you out of your financial and credit card information, or even your bank account username and password. nine0003

Detecting and Stopping Messaging Attacks

Here are a few questions to ask yourself to identify the most common clues to a messaging attack:

you to act?
Does the message take you to websites that ask for your personal information, credit card, passwords, or other sensitive information that they shouldn't have access to? nine0026
Does the message sound too good to be true? No, you didn't really win a new iPhone for free.
Does the linked website or service force you to pay using non-standard methods such as Bitcoin, gift cards, or Western Union transfers?
Is the message asking for a multi-factor authentication code that was sent to your phone or generated by your banking application?
Does the message look like the equivalent of "wrong number?" In this case, do not answer it and do not try to contact the sender; just delete it. nine0026

If you receive a message from an official organization that concerns you, call the organization directly. Do not use the phone number provided in the message, use a trusted phone number instead. For example, if you receive a text message from a bank about a problem with your account or credit card, get a trusted phone number on your bank's website, on your bank statement, or on the back of your bank or credit card. Also remember that most government agencies such as tax or law enforcement will never contact you via text message, they will only contact you through old mail. nine0003

When it comes to messaging attacks, you are your best defense.

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Fighting SMS spam: what's new?

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July 21, 2014 President of the Russian Federation V.V. signed the Federal Law of July 21, 2014 N 272-FZ "On Amendments to the Federal Law "On Communications".

This law is small in itself, but it introduces very significant changes to the existing regulation of SMS mailings.

Here they are:

1. According to Article No. 1 of this law, the concept of “distribution over the mobile radiotelephone network” is specified: “distribution over the mobile radiotelephone network is the automatic transmission of short text messages to subscribers (messages consisting of letters and ( or) characters typed in a certain sequence) via a mobile radiotelephone communication network or transmission of short text messages to subscribers using numbering that does not correspond to the Russian system and numbering plan, as well as messages the transmission of which is not provided for by an interconnection agreement with foreign communication operators. nine0003

So, the distribution must have the following characteristics:
a) It must be automatic or
b) Using numbering that does not correspond to the Russian system and numbering plan, as well as
c) The transmission of which (messages) is not provided for by the interconnection agreement with foreign telecom operators.
Accordingly, mailing lists are not messages from individuals.

2. The Law again emphasizes that “distribution over the mobile radiotelephone network (hereinafter also referred to as distribution) must be carried out subject to the prior consent of the subscriber, expressed by performing actions that unambiguously identify this subscriber and allow him to reliably establish his will to receive mailings. The mailing is recognized as carried out without the prior consent of the subscriber, if the customer of the mailing in case of mailing on his initiative or the mobile radiotelephone operator in the case of mailing on the initiative of the mobile radiotelephone operator does not prove that such consent was received. nine0003

Respectively:
The subscriber's consent to the mailing list must be. This, of course, is not news. The same requirements are contained in the Federal Law "On Advertising" (Article 18 of the Federal Law "On Advertising" of 13.03.2006 N 38-FZ) and in the Federal Law "On Personal Data" (Article 15 of the Federal Law "On Personal Data" of July 27, 2006 N 152 -FZ).

Clarified that the subscriber's consent must be expressed by performing actions that unambiguously identify this subscriber and make it possible to reliably establish his will to receive the mailing list. The need for unambiguous identification of the subscriber will most strongly affect those companies that, as consent to mailings, use the acceptance of an offer, which specifies the necessary conditions and data. Among these companies will be payment terminals, online stores, taxis, etc. Despite the fact that the law does not require the written consent of the subscriber, most likely everything will come down to it, since in no other case will unambiguous identification of the user be impossible or extremely difficult. nine0003

3. “Sending out via the mobile radiotelephone network at the initiative of the mailing customer is carried out on the basis of an agreement concluded with the mobile radiotelephone operator, to whose subscriber the mailing is intended. The subject of this agreement are services for the implementation of distribution by the telecom operator.
In other words, it will no longer be possible to order SMS distribution to subscribers, for example, MTS is not in Beeline, this will need to be done in MTS and nothing else. Read more about this in our article “Changes in the SMS Market since November 2013”. nine0003 90 002 Federation, as well as mailing messages on the initiative of federal executive authorities, state off-budget funds, executive authorities of the constituent entities of the Russian Federation, local administrations and other local governments exercising executive and administrative powers in accordance with the legislation of the Russian Federation. nine0003

And this paragraph contains exceptions when you can send a newsletter, even without, for example, the subscriber's will to receive it.

5. The subscriber has the right to apply to the mobile radiotelephone operator with a request to stop the transmission to his user equipment (terminal equipment) of short text messages indicating the subscriber number or a unique identification code that are contained in such messages and which the subscriber refuses to receive, for with the exception of messages, the transmission of which is carried out by the mobile radiotelephone operator in accordance with the legislation of the Russian Federation.

Learn more