Parents bullied by teenager

Facts About Bullying | StopBullying.gov

This section pulls together fundamental information about bullying, including:

Definition
Research on Bullying
Bullying Statistics
Bullying and Suicide
Anti-Bullying Laws

Definition of Bullying

In 2014, the Centers for Disease Control and Department of Education released the first federal definition of bullying. The definition includes three core elements:

unwanted aggressive behavior
observed or perceived power imbalance
repetition or high likelihood of repetition of bullying behaviors

This definition helps determine whether an incident is bullying or another type of aggressive behavior or both.

Research on Bullying

Bullying prevention is a growing research field that investigates the complexities and consequences of bullying. Important areas for more research include:

Prevalence of bullying in schools
Prevalence of cyberbullying in online spaces
How bullying affects people
Risk factors for people who are bullied, people who bully others, or both
How to prevent bullying
How media and media coverage affects bullying

What We’ve Learned about Bullying

Bullying affects all youth, including those who are bullied, those who bully others, and those who witness bullying. The effects of bullying may continue into adulthood.
There is not a single profile of a young person involved in bullying. Youth who bully can be either well connected socially or marginalized, and may be bullied by others as well. Similarly, those who are bullied sometimes bully others.
Solutions to bullying are not simple. Bullying prevention approaches that show the most promise confront the problem from many angles. They involve the entire school community—students, families, administrators, teachers, and staff such as bus drivers, nurses, cafeteria and front office staff—in creating a culture of respect. Zero tolerance and expulsion are not effective approaches.
Bystanders, or those who see bullying, can make a huge difference when they intervene on behalf of someone being bullied.
Studies also have shown that adults can help prevent bullying by talking to children about bullying, encouraging them to do what they love, modeling kindness and respect, and seeking help.

Bullying Statistics

Here are federal statistics about bullying in the United States. Data sources include the Indicators of School Crime and Safety: 2019 (National Center for Education Statistics and Bureau of Justice) and the 2017 Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention).

How Common Is Bullying

About 20% of students ages 12-18 experienced bullying nationwide.
Students ages 12–18 who reported being bullied said they thought those who bullied them:
- Had the ability to influence other students’ perception of them (56%).
- Had more social influence (50%).
- Were physically stronger or larger (40%).
- Had more money (31%).

Bullying in Schools

Nationwide, 19% of students in grades 9–12 report being bullied on school property in the 12 months prior to the survey.
The following percentages of students ages 12-18 had experienced bullying in various places at school:
- Hallway or stairwell (43. 4%)
- Classroom (42.1%)
- Cafeteria (26.8%)
- Outside on school grounds (21.9%)
- Online or text (15.3%)
- Bathroom or locker room (12.1%)
- Somewhere else in the school building (2.1%)
Approximately 46% of students ages 12-18 who were bullied during the school year notified an adult at school about the bullying.

Cyberbullying

Among students ages 12-18 who reported being bullied at school during the school year, 15 % were bullied online or by text.
An estimated 14.9% of high school students were electronically bullied in the 12 months prior to the survey.

Types of Bullying

Students ages 12-18 experienced various types of bullying, including:

- Being the subject of rumors or lies (13. 4%)
- Being made fun of, called names, or insulted (13.0%)
- Pushed, shoved, tripped, or spit on (5.3%)
- Leaving out/exclusion (5.2%)
- Threatened with harm (3.9%)
- Others tried to make them do things they did not want to do (1.9%)
- Property was destroyed on purpose (1.4%)

State and Local Statistics

Follow these links for state and local figures on the following topics:

Bullied on School Property, Grades 9-12
Cyberbullied, Grades 9-12

International Statistics

According to the UNESCO Institute of Statistics:

One third of the globe’s youth is bullied; this ranges from as low as 7% in Tajikistan to 74% in Samoa.
Low socioeconomic status is a main factor in youth bullying within wealthy countries.
Immigrant-born youth in wealthy countries are more likely to be bullied than locally-born youth.

Bullying and Suicide

The relationship between bullying and suicide is complex. The media should avoid oversimplifying these issues and insinuating or directly stating that bullying can cause suicide. The facts tell a different story. It is not accurate and potentially dangerous to present bullying as the “cause” or “reason” for a suicide, or to suggest that suicide is a natural response to bullying.

Research indicates that persistent bullying can lead to or worsen feelings of isolation, rejection, exclusion, and despair, as well as depression and anxiety, which can contribute to suicidal behavior.
The vast majority of young people who are bullied do not become suicidal.
Most young people who die by suicide have multiple risk factors.
For more information on the relationship between bullying and suicide, read “The Relationship Between Bullying and Suicide: What We Know and What it Means for Schools” from the CDC.

Anti-Bullying Laws

All states have anti-bullying legislation. When bullying is also harassment and happens in the school context, schools have a legal obligation to respond to it according to federal laws.

The 3 Types of Parents Who Get Bullied by Their Own Children

Source: Monkey Business Images/Shutterstock

Parents often make excuses for their children’s outrageous behavior, whether it's a preschooler’s tantrum or a teen’s sullen refusal to do what he or she has been asked. Children who become unmanageable or verbally abusive to their parents are, in fact, bullies, although most parents don’t think of these behaviors in that way.

Maybe they should.

Sean Grover, a New York psychotherapist, mustered the courage to call such children exactly what they are—bullies—and figured out how frustrated parents can take charge again and restore positive parent-child relationships.

Here's what he had to say:

Sean, you have worked with children and parents for more than 20 years. What prompted you to write, When Kids Call the Shots: How to Seize Control from Your Darling Bully—and Enjoy Being a Parent Again?

Grover: Years ago, when I started to feel I was being bullied by my own child, I read every parenting book I could get my hands on. I found a lot of generic advice that doesn’t fit all parents, or quick solutions that didn't last.

I realized that parenting books rarely address a parent's unique history, culture, and parenting style. When I stopped trying to fix or change my child, and explored my own role in fostering her bullying behaviors, I found the answers I needed. Her behaviors were a direct consequence of my own insecurities.

The greatest impact on how we parent is our personal history. It amazed me how few parenting books took that into account. Obviously, I can't provide therapy to all the parents who are being bullied by kids. So in the book, I use worksheets, journaling, and insight-oriented exercises to help parents understand their history and discover how it affects their parenting choices.

When we think of bullying, most of us couple the word with “school.” We worry about our children being bullied in a school setting. How does a parent recognize that they have a bully in the house?

Grover: The collision course between parents and children is nothing new. All children go through test periods. Parents are always in the position of making unpopular decisions and saying no to things kids want to do.

When a child tests a parent's authority and the parent sets a limit, the child learns to control himself. Setting limits and boundaries is essential to a child's healthy emotional development. When those limits and boundaries aren't set clearly, you'll soon find yourself at a tipping point for bullying.

Testing can be described as nagging and pestering. Bullying, on the other hand, is aggressive, hostile, and mean. It involves verbal assaults, physical aggression, putdowns, and unrelenting abuse. And it feels terrible.

The bullies in the schoolyard are no different from the child bullying her parent at home: Both will stop at nothing to get what they want. They lack empathy and are trapped in their own narcissism. They will threaten, blackmail, and terrorize you until you give in. Until they are taught limits and boundaries, the parent-child relationship is doomed.

The question most parents ask when their child of any age rebels or become difficult is: What happened to my sweet, affectionate, obedient child? How does pushing the limits and seeking independence cross the line to bullying?

Grover: Never let your kid disrespect you. Never let your kid talk down to you. Establish a culture of mutual respect in your family. Help your kid to express frustration constructively. Children have more feelings than words, so they need strong leadership from their parents to learn how to express themselves in words effectively and use frustration as fuel for personal growth.

A little bit of defiance is expected in children. It's how they learn to be assertive and establish a solid sense of self and identity. You don't want your kid being too cooperative or too accommodating. He or she will become a pushover or a target for bullies, and is more likely to suffer from anxiety or depression.

What immediate steps can a parent take when immersed in a standoff with their child?

Grover: Bullying is a symptom of an unbalanced inner life. When your kids act up, ask yourself: What's really going on here? Are they tired? Are they hungry? Are they frightened? Perhaps they are having social difficulties at school or suffering from undiagnosed learning problems that create much psychic tension and devastate self-esteem. Try to locate the source of their anxiety, then address it directly.

In heated moments, don't become reactive. Hit the pause button. Maintain your leadership and never bully back. If you bully back, you are establishing a bullying culture in your family.

When to comes to raising children, modeling is king. I've heard it said that children absorb 10% of what you say and 90% of what you do. If you're losing your patience, yelling, and threatening, you're going to eventually be on the receiving end of that behavior from your kids. You may not see it when they are young, but as they get bigger and feel more powerful, it will resurface with a vengeance.

Why do parents give in to bullying from a child?

Grover: The true cause springs from parents' own histories—how they were parented, their childhood experiences, and the modeling that their parents provided. These are the true causes. Were they bullied as children by their own parents? Did they grow up with an absent or neglectful parent? Did they have a narcissistic parent? These are questions parents want to explore.

I also look at what's going on in parents' lives: Are they in an unhappy relationship? Does their partner have a different parenting style? Are they suffering parent burnout? It's hard to parent well under those conditions.

Self-care and childcare go hand in hand. Often the best way to turn a bullying situation around at home begins with taking better care of yourself.

Three parenting styles are most likely to trigger bullying in children:

The guilty parent. Something has gone wrong—a divorce, an illness, a financial hardship—and now the parent feels guilty. To ease their guilt, they give their kids too much freedom and not enough limits. This always backfires.
The anxious parent. This is a parent who is always worrying and expressing anxiety. Children experience a parent’s anxiety as, "I don't believe in you," “I don't trust you," or "you're not a capable person," and this triggers a lot of anger and resentment toward the parent.
The fix-everything parent. These parents can't stand to see their children frustrated and constantly step in and solve problems for them. Such parents have good intentions and are often heroic, but the outcome is horrendous. The child remains dependent on the parents and unconsciously resents them for it. They are never satisfied. In fact, the more you give them, the less they appreciate you. Children have a natural drive for independence that needs to be encouraged. The fix-everything parent discourages it and therefore dwarfs the emotional development of their own child. Children of fix-everything parents have a tendency to age but not mature.

In your book, you provide a training ground for new skills and a road back to sanity for parents bullied by their kids. What can parents do to counter the bullying and reverse patterns that may already be set?

Grover: Parents committed to working on themselves rarely fall victim to continued bullying. Mindfulness is not a word often associated with parenting. Neither is self-mastery. But without either, it's impossible to have a healthy relationship with your child. Parenting will always be an emotional and psychological workout.

After exploring your personal history and exposing the fears and insecurities that foster bullying in your child, make a concrete plan of action that begins with assembling an anti-bullying support team. Too often, bullied parents are ashamed of the situation. Breaking the silence and involving others for support is crucial.

Make sure you and your partner are united. Conflicting parenting styles are often at the heart of behavior problems at home.
Enlist friends and family. Children respond positively to adults other than their parents when these behaviors are confronted. Look for models and mentors in adults that your children look up to.
Involve school officials. Talk to guidance counselors and teachers. If your kid is into sports, talk to the coach. Let them know you are struggling and enlist their support.
Seek professional help if the bullying continues. Look for resources in your neighborhood that offer parents support or ask friends for a referral.

Psychology of school bullies: what kind of children bully their peers?

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“Bullying is not a one-time incident, but a constant, systematic aggression towards another child who, for some reason, has a lower status,” explains school psychologist Rebecca Branstetter. She emphasizes that bullying is different from other forms of aggression in conflicts between children.

Of course, children who bully their peers do so for various reasons. It is impossible to draw up a single psychological portrait of a school tormentor. But still they often have certain character traits that it will be useful to pay attention to. nine0003

“If we can identify the common features of these children, such as increased shyness, problems with social thinking and social communication skills, we can prevent bullying and bullying in advance,” Branstetter says.

“Personality, character, moral principles, ideas about oneself — all this is still fragile at school age, it is still developing. The sooner we can help both the aggressor and the victim with their problems, the more opportunities they will have for reconciliation and personal growth,” explains child psychologist Gillian Roberts. nine0003

Here are 10 features characteristic of aggressive children:

Lack of empathy

Aggressive children who bully their peers often have underdeveloped emotional intelligence, they have a reduced ability to empathize, they do not understand themselves well.

"Lack of empathy makes them unable to put themselves in the other person's shoes and ask: how would I feel if I was teased like that?" explains counseling psychologist Kathleen Goodman. Many people think that empathy and the ability to empathize are innate qualities, but in fact they are also skills that can be taught. Parents and teachers can make a big difference by teaching children empathy, including by example. nine0003

Self-doubt

“All bullies have insecurities. By intimidating others and mocking them, they try to hide it from others, ”says family therapist Tom Kerstling. For children with low self-esteem, putting others down sometimes becomes an unhealthy psychological defense that helps them feel more confident.

Sometimes the aggressors even envy their victims. However, explains Rebecca Branstetter, the popular stereotype that all high school sadists and tormentors suffer from self-doubt does not tell the whole story. nine0003

“In fact, many aggressors and tormentors are popular in the classroom and, in their own words, their self-esteem is not lower than average or even high. However, many of them are very prone to shame and feel vulnerable, fearing that others will see some of their weaknesses. Therefore, by bullying and ridiculing others, they turn their attention to other people's shortcomings, successfully hiding their own, which they are very ashamed of. It's an important detail that's easy to miss: tormentors often protect their own self-worth by projecting their shame onto others,” Branstetter explains. nine0003

The need for control

“Many aggressors seek to control everything and everyone, because they feel that otherwise they themselves can become victims. They try to subjugate others so that no one can become stronger and harm them, ”says neuropsychologist Sanam Hafiz.

School psychologist Rina Patel agrees with this: “Children who feel that their peers do not like or support them often begin to mock others, trying to gain at least some power and control. They mistakenly believe that by controlling other children they are making them their friends.” nine0003

Impulsiveness

Sanam Hafiz states that aggressors and tormentors are often impulsive and uncontrollable: “They simply do not think about what consequences their actions lead to, how they affect the physical and emotional state of another person. ”

“Impulsivity arises for some reason. For example, due to the fact that the child does not know how to solve emerging problems and problems and does not know how to get what he wants, ”explains Kathleen Goodman.

Lust for power and status

“Many aggressors really want to gain power and high status in their group. Due to their lack of social skills, the only way they have is to bully others,” explains clinical psychologist John Mayer. By bullying others, such a child feels stronger than them, especially if he feels his inferiority in other aspects.

Often, those who find it difficult to study begin to bully more successful students out of envy. Nevertheless, modern research refutes many of the established stereotypes. For example, a study conducted by the University of California at Los Angeles found that the most popular kids in the class are bullied most often in high school. nine0003

“It turned out that children who are popular among their peers most often bully others. It seems to them that by mocking the weak, they emphasize and maintain their high status, ”explains clinical psychologist Scott Symington.

“Children who are popular among their peers because of their style of dress, appearance, unique talent, rich family and expensive things, secretly fear that if it were not for this one factor, no one would be interested in them. So they bully others to maintain their own status,” says Kim Metcalfe, educator and child psychologist. nine0003

Symington says it's important to teach kids that it's not "cool" to bully others. Then the “cool” and popular kids will have no motive for bullying. Anti-smoking campaigns work in much the same way.

Difficult childhood

“Sometimes they say that those who feel bad do bad things to others. This is true for many school bullies as well. As a school psychologist, I have seen many such children. Often they told stories about their lives that broke their hearts, ”says Rebecca Branstetter. nine0003

A study by scientists from the University of South Florida showed that children who have experienced life's difficulties (violence, disadvantage, financial problems in the family) are more likely to bully their peers. Many of them have been victims of bullying themselves. Someone has experienced physical or sexual abuse by parents, guardians, older siblings, or other children. They may have observed similar behavior in the family or elsewhere.

“It is important to remember that if a child bullies his peers, he most likely learned this somewhere. If he puts others down to feel better, he may have grown up in an environment that destroyed his self-esteem,” explains Gillian Roberts. nine0003

Early experience of violence

Children who use physical violence against peers have probably seen examples of such violence from early childhood. Perhaps they saw it on TV, in computer games, or in the family. “Many aggressive children have a positive attitude towards physical violence, for them it is a form of entertainment, a way to satisfy their needs. Often this is due to the fact that their parents actively used physical or other cruel punishments, ”explains Sanam Hafiz. nine0003

Difficult relationships with parents

Even if parents do not overtly abuse their children, there may be unhealthy relationships in the family that often contribute to aggression. “School sadists rarely have loving and caring parents who are actively involved in the lives of children,” says Rina Patel. Some parents are simply not interested in children, and sometimes a child is raised by a single parent who is always tired at work.

"In some cases, children become aggressive and ruthless because their parents demand that they be better than others in everything - in sports, school, social status," adds Patel. nine0003

The aggressor is afraid of losing control, including control over his own emotions

Different psychological theories explain the causes of bullying in different ways. “Attachment theory says that bullying tendencies arise from a lack of secure attachment to parents at an early age. Family systems theory looks at patterns of behavior and relationship dynamics within families and suggests that children who have experienced or experienced domestic violence are more likely to bully their peers. They have learned that aggression is a way to resolve conflicts,” explains Kathleen Goodman. nine0003

Aggressive tendencies

“Most children try to be aggressive, but soon give it up as their language and social skills develop. But for school bullies, this process seems to stop. In conflict situations, they rely primarily on aggression, and not on pro-social behavior - discussion and joint problem solving, ”Scott Symington explains.

These children do not know how to control their anger and other emotions. “The aggressor is afraid of losing control – including control over his own emotions. These children are often impatient and irritable. Some of them are constantly under stress or emotionally unstable, and because of this they often have outbursts of aggression, ”explains Sanam Hafiz. nine0003

Inconsistency in upbringing

Many aggressive children are brought up by parents inconsistently and neglect discipline. Such parents do not explain to their children where the boundaries are, and do not make them responsible for bad behavior.

“If children are not given clear rules of conduct and their upbringing is neglected, they often begin to try to control their peers. Too soft parents do not limit the child, who as a result believes that everything is permissible for him. Children want their parents to establish rules of conduct and routine for them, they perceive this as a sign of care. Excessive parental softness can seem like indifference to a child, ”explains Hafiz. nine0003

In many cases, parents are not ready to admit that their child is bullying their peers - especially if he was "exemplary" earlier, and aggression manifested itself only later. Many parents and other adults unconsciously indulge in bullying and bullying, taking the problem lightly (“yes, the boys are just messing around”) or ignoring it altogether. It is very important to recognize the reality of what is happening, to have a serious talk with children, to clearly indicate the inadmissibility of harassment and bullying, and to show respect for others by example. nine0003

Text: Nikolai Protsenko Photo source: Getty Images

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“My child is being expelled”

A resident of the Novosibirsk region accused the school administration and the class teacher of harassing her son. According to Nadezhda, they are trying to get her child out of school because the boy's father was convicted of murder.

In 2013, the small town of Toguchin, with a population of 20 thousand people, was shocked by the news of the disappearance of a first grader: an attacker took the girl to the forest and strangled her there. Soon the police detained the suspect - a 30-year-old local resident. The court found him guilty and sent him to a colony. His wife Nadezhda, for whom their common son became the fourth child, remained to live in Toguchin. nine0003

At the age of six he went to school. As Nadezhda said, when her son was in the first grade, the teacher said that he was different from the others. “... in October, the teacher handed me a piece of paper with a phone: “Contact a psychologist, you have a child with oddities.” She hinted at his father and that my son was also not himself, ”the kp.ru website quotes the woman’s story.

An open conflict occurred after one day the class teacher dismissed the children from lessons earlier than expected, but did not warn Nadezhda about this. The woman ran around the whole town in horror in search of her son, involuntarily recalling the events of 2013. nine0003

When the boy was found, Nadezhda wrote a complaint to the parent's Whatsapp chat, but the teacher deleted the woman from the chat. Nadezhda had to complain about the teacher to the Department of Education - she received a reprimand.

Now Nadezhda's son is studying in the third grade, and recently the conflict, which seemed to have begun to be forgotten, flared up with renewed vigor. The class teacher arranged a trip to the theater for the students. According to Nadezhda, when she brought money for the ticket to the teacher, the teacher said in front of the whole class: “Nadezhda Gennadievna, don’t be offended, but I won’t go anywhere with you.” nine0003

A video was posted online showing Nadezhda, in the presence of her class teacher, trying to find out from the principal why her son was not being taken to the theatre. The director explains that more than 12 people cannot be taken, but refuses to answer the question of who else from the class will not go on an excursion.

Everything ended with the fact that the teacher refused the class in which Nadezhda's son is studying. The schoolchildren's parents did not like this: most of them signed a collective letter for the media, in which they stated that the student's mother "terrorizes the teacher for the third year in a row, rudely interferes in the pedagogical process, in events and matters that do not directly concern her." nine0003

“We urge you, Nadezhda, to leave our class if you are not satisfied with anything or anyone in it!” the letter says.

According to Nadezhda, the attitude of adults was passed on to her son's classmates. The children began to declare that he brought the teacher.

“There is a stand in the classroom with photos from the first grade. The children cut off the picture with their son. There is also a list of those who study in the class. This is the second time my child has been expelled. Luckily in pencil. Today I erased the mark once again, turned to the children, and said: “Don’t do this, Roma and I respect you all, love you, let’s live together. ” All this, of course, is due to the mistakes of the teacher,” Nadezhda believes. nine0003

According to her, it comes to the fact that the boy hides in the school toilet from the offenders and cries. An eight-year-old schoolboy does not know about the terrible crime of his father: his mother told him that the man was dead.

After the story became public, the class teacher and principal refused to comment on the situation in an interview with journalists.

“Let the people who are involved in this conflict decide these issues, each in his own way. We have already done everything we could. There is nothing to comment on,” the school principal said, adding that the teacher continues to work in the institution, but not with this class. nine0003

Parents were also reluctant to communicate with the press, referring to the collective letter, in which "everything is written." The grandmother of one of the students said that no one had any complaints about Nadezhda's son. Many did not even know who his father was until the woman herself told everyone about it, she claims. When asked which of the other children had not been taken to the theater, the woman replied that she did not know. She did not answer the question of whether they had ever refused to take her granddaughter on an excursion.

“... I treat the boy's mother equally. I have only one complaint: if the teacher is such and such, why is she taking the child to him?! The first thing I would do would be to move him out of class. But she stubbornly leads the child to this teacher. As a result, I brought [the teacher] up,” the woman complained. nine0003

Nadezhda herself declares that she intends to fight for her son's right to attend a school that her other children also attend. But he is afraid that he will lose this battle: “Even for me, as an adult, it is very difficult, let alone my son, who is only 8 years old.”

“I can’t explain to the girl that it’s not my fault”

Last spring, the media reported how the nine-year-old daughter of one of the firefighters who put out the fire at the Winter Cherry shopping center on March 25 was hunted down - classmates hated the girl because she that day she survived. nine0003

As the firefighter told the 360 TV channel, that day the schoolgirl and her mother went to the shopping center to buy new shoes. When visitors noticed the smoke, the fireman's family was on the ground floor. According to them, there was no panic at that moment: they left the store slowly, even having time to buy shoes.

Only after some time it became clear that the fire in the shopping center claimed the lives of dozens of children - it became a tragedy for the whole country.

Soon the media and the authorities began to say that the firefighters worked unprofessionally, they could not get the children from the upper floors, where they were blocked and suffocated. According to the interlocutor of the TV channel, his daughter's classmates began to poison her. nine0003

“It's your dad's fault. You are saved, but they are not. Did dad teach you how to escape? You're a rat!" - such accusations were heard daily at school by a third-grader.

The firefighter's wife turned to the teacher for help, but she only advised to wait until time passes - they say, the children themselves will stop talking nonsense. However, the girl during this time developed a real phobia in front of the school.

“... now she doesn't even want to leave the house, she starts to sob, suffocate when we even try to go out for a walk,” said a resident of Kemerovo. nine0003

The parents were at a loss and did not know how to help the child. The only way out was to transfer her daughter to another school, although doing this at the end of the school year is extremely inconvenient.

“At school, the children stammered her. Physically they can push, insult. My daughter is crying and doesn't want to go to school. They called her a doctor, but it seems we need a psychologist. I can't explain to the girl that it's not my fault. It's too hard for her. She only hears from her classmates that the firefighters are to blame, they did not save, ”the man added. nine0003

Why adults take revenge on other people's children

Clinical psychologist Leona Ovchinnikova, in a conversation with Gazeta.Ru, explained how adults can actually start bullying a child. With their negative attitude, they, albeit unconsciously, make it clear to children that their peer is not the right one.

“Now the parents of elementary school students and teachers are mainly people whose childhood and youth fell on the 90s, a difficult and cultureless time. At this time, people themselves learned what the loss of ethical norms and rules is. nine0003

Compare: before the revolution, people relied on Christian morality, then on communist ideas, and in the 90s, value orientations were completely lost,” the specialist notes.

If we talk about children in small towns, such as Toguchin, then the situation there is complicated by the fact that information about the inhabitants spreads around the city instantly - according to the principle "everyone knows everything about everyone." In addition, in small towns there are much fewer cultural facilities in the form of theaters, schools of aesthetic development, and so on, which means that it is more difficult for people to develop morality and patience with each other, Leona Ovchinnikova believes. nine0003

“Since the 1990s, many people have been living under the slogan: “We don't need anything that is different from us,” she explains.

The psychologist commented on the situation with Nadezhda's son from the Novosibirsk region. In her opinion, in this case, the family will not be able to defeat the community of parents and teachers.

“Of course, I don't know the social and financial possibilities of the family, but in this situation I would advise you to leave the city and change your surname, because first of all it is necessary to save the child. If this story happened in a big city, then the family could simply move to another area, but in a town with 20 thousand people, no one will forget who the father is the boy, ”the interlocutor states with regret. nine0003

At the same time, the psychologist believes that the only way for Nadezhda to pull the situation over herself is to appeal to the general public through the media.

The expert is sure that high-quality work of psychologists will help to avoid bullying in schools, in particular in small towns.

According to her, now school psychologists are focusing on optimizing the educational process, while schools also need “a different kind of psychologists who deal with problems of interpersonal relationships in the classroom.” Such specialists will help to work through the difficulties between children, between children and teachers, between children and parents. nine0003

As for bullying by peers, it largely comes from our social expectations and perceptions. As the psychologist noted, in the 90s, when social stratification in society intensified, children in schools began to notice that they were brought up in different families: some parents were successful, others lost their jobs and often started drinking.

“Such families became dysfunctional, and children became socially neglected. Twenty years have passed, but the situation has not improved: on the contrary, an unfriendly attitude towards children from financially disadvantaged families has strengthened, and their persecution remains not punishable, because it seems to people that a child from a difficult family is a priori worse than their peers, ”notes Leona Ovchinnikova.

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