Erectile dysfunction not attracted to partner

Urology Associates Medical Group: Urologists

Myths and Facts About Erectile Dysfunction: Urology Associates Medical Group: Urologists

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Did you know that in their lifetime, more than half of men in the United States will experience erectile dysfunction (ED)? While there’s no shortage of information out there about this condition, some of what you read online or hear from friends simply isn’t true.

Following bad advice about erectile dysfunction can make the condition worse or stop you from seeking much-needed professional medical advice. While it’s hard to believe, 75% of men with erectile dysfunction don’t get the medical treatment they need.

At Urology Associates Medical Group in Burbank, California, we’re committed to protecting, improving, and maintaining your health, including concerns related to erectile dysfunction. Our compassionate team understands the trouble misinformation about ED can bring.

To help you identify fact from fiction, we’ve put together this list of the top five myths about erectile dysfunction.

Myth: I don’t have to worry about ED until I’m 70 or older

Fact: It’s true that sexual stamina changes over time. And while ED affects men over the age of 70 more frequently, younger men aren’t immune. In fact, one of every four ED patients is under 40, including 15% of men in their 20s.

Myth: A health issue in my penis is the cause of my ED

Fact: Men develop ED for many reasons. Causes range from advancing age to physical and psychological causes. Conditions such as high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and diabetes can trigger ED.

Mental health issues like depression and anxiety can also be a factor. Lifestyle choices that negatively affect your overall health, like smoking, drug use, and alcohol may trigger ED.

Myth: If I’m having trouble in the bedroom, I have ED

Fact: It’s a myth that men should always be able to have sex. Difficulty getting or maintaining an erection from time to time is normal. Illness, fatigue, anxiety, stress, and many other issues can affect your ability and libido.

But if you frequently have trouble achieving or maintaining an erection, talk with one of our providers at Urology Associates Medical Group about your symptoms.

Myth: Testosterone supplements cure ED

Fact: Testosterone only helps patients with low testosterone levels. Only a medical professional can accurately evaluate your testosterone levels.

But even if it turns out your testosterone levels are low, supplements that restore them to the normal range may not be enough to alleviate your ED. Many men who take testosterone supplements still require additional ED treatments, which is why you should talk to your provider about any erectile issues.

Myth: ED simply means I’m not attracted to my partner

Fact: It’s true that not being sexually attracted to your partner can make it more difficult to get and sustain an erection. But a lack of sexual attraction does not cause ED. Erectile dysfunction usually has roots in a physical or emotional disorder.

ED can cause feelings of frustration and inadequacy, which can lead to low self-esteem. If your ED isn’t treated, it can lead to depression, anger, and even aggression. All of these can negatively affect your relationship with your partner, making your sex life a struggle.

If you experience any symptoms of ED, seek qualified medical care from an experienced professional like our team at Urology Associates Medical Group. Our office takes pride in understanding the unique health concerns of men, including ED and other sexual health concerns.

If you’re struggling with ED and want to learn more about treatment options, contact our Burbank office or request an appointment today using our online tool. We also offer telemedicine appointments for your safety and convenience.

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Does ED Mean He's No Longer Attracted To You?

Content

Overview
What is erectile dysfunction (ED)?
How common is ED, and who can get it?
Does ED mean that your partner is no longer sexually attracted to you?
Common causes of ED
Treatment methods for ED
How to know if your partner has ED?
The lowdown

When your partner experiences erectile dysfunction, it can put a lot of strain on your relationship. Many partners are quick to blame themselves for this problem. However, you have very little control over this situation because an underlying health condition often causes it.

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Erectile dysfunction (ED), also called impotence, is a male sexual health condition. The main symptom of ED is the inability to get or keep an erection during sexual intercourse.

For some men, this issue does not occur often. For others, it can become a frequent problem and causes a huge amount of frustration.

Everyone's experience with ED is different. Common ways that ED presents include:

Having an erection during sexual intercourse sometimes but not others
Having an erection that does not last long enough for sexual intercourse
Having no erection at all

Other problems that men face as a result of ED include:

When ED keeps happening, your partner needs to seek medical advice. This is because ED can be linked to certain health conditions like high blood pressure.

ED is more common than most people realize because of the under-reporting of this condition. Many men are reluctant to seek help when it occurs because they feel embarrassed. Others may find it difficult to speak openly about their sexual health.

It's estimated that at least 52%¹ of men in the US between the ages of 40 and 70 years (30 to 50 million men) have experienced ED. However, this percentage could potentially be much higher. At least 150 million men worldwide have the condition.

ED tends to affect men over the age of 40. Nonetheless, younger men can also experience this condition and may find it more challenging to seek medical help.

ED is more common in men with underlying health issues like hypertension, so this condition is often a symptom or warning sign.

Factors or health conditions that typically go with ED are:

Men with these risk factors could be more at risk of developing ED, and lifestyle changes are recommended.

A lack of physical attraction does not cause ED. However, many women may feel inadequate if their partner refuses to talk to them about ED and may not even be aware of what is happening. This lack of communication can lead to relationship problems.

As mentioned, ED is commonly caused by an underlying health issue or biological factor beyond anyone's control. However, some treatments can help with the problem.

Sometimes, ED can be linked to psychological problems such as stress, anxiety, or depression. ED that’s caused by psychological issues tends to affect younger men more than older men. But, again, these factors have nothing to do with physical attraction.

The best way to overcome this is by talking to your partner. If you share your concerns first, this may encourage them to open up about theirs.

Physical causes

Physical causes of ED are often beyond anyone's control. Some treatments can help with the conditions mentioned below but may require some time to work. Additionally, your man may need some time to rest or recover first.

Physical causes of ED include:

Psychological causes

Psychological or emotional issues can also cause ED.

Common psychological causes of ED are:

Medications

Some medications can cause ED or make it worse, for example, cardiovascular drugs.

If your partner's ED happens after they start a new medication, encourage them to book an appointment with their doctor to have their medicine reviewed.

An excellent place to start is lifestyle changes. Such simple changes can help ease ED and improve general health.

Lifestyle changes that may help with ED include:

Avoiding or limiting smoking
Avoiding or limiting alcohol
Eating a healthy diet
Increasing physical exercise

However, if there is an underlying medical condition, your partner will need to see their doctor. Getting a diagnosis and treatment for this condition could have a positive effect on ED. This could involve starting new medications or changing the ones they are currently on.

Doctors can also provide additional medications to overcome ED directly. These include drugs like:

Viagra
Levitra
Cialis
Stendra

They help by increasing blood flow to the penis during sexual intercourse.

Natural supplements could also provide extra support. One supplement with promising results is niacin (vitamin B3). Niacin can help by improving vascular health, thus increasing the blood flow to the penis during an erection.

If the issue is psychological, counseling is another option. Some partners may attend counseling together or separately. Either way, it's proven to help by reducing anxiety.

If your partner is avoiding sexual intercourse or cannot keep an erection, it is a good indication they might be experiencing ED. However, the only way you can know for sure is by talking to them and encouraging them to get a medical diagnosis.

If you suspect or know that your partner is experiencing ED, the best thing you can do is support them. Communication is important, and it will help you both to overcome this issue.

If your partner has ED, this does not mean they are no longer physically attracted to you. Most of the time, the main cause of ED is an underlying health condition. Your partner should seek medical help to establish the cause of his ED and possible solutions.

Article "Erectile dysfunction - myths and reality"

Erectile dysfunction is a delicate issue. When the male sexual organ at the right time does not increase in volume, does not straighten up, or its stamina is not enough to complete the act, both the man and the woman prefer to pretend that nothing happened. Because erectile dysfunction and overgrown with a mass of myths.

Myth 1: a "normal" man always succeeds.

In fact: one can talk about erectile dysfunction only if more than 25% of sexual intercourse fails. If there are fewer "misfires" - this is within the normal range. And in healthy people, episodes of erectile dysfunction are also observed. The reasons are manifold: fatigue, stress, unattractive partner. Dramatically kills an erection fear (for example, when meeting a new partner) due to adrenaline released into the blood.

Myth 2: Misfires are inevitable with age. After 40 years, the "male decline" begins.

In fact: erectile dysfunction is possible at different ages. Anyone who smokes a lot, has sex irregularly, and runs only for beer to the stall and to the departing minibus or bus, runs the risk of getting to know erectile dysfunction already at the age of thirty. And vice versa: a supporter of a healthy lifestyle, leading an active sex life for all conscious years, and at the age of 70 can listen to jokes about male sexual impotence while laughing.

Of course, with age, body functions fade, but most Russians assume sexual old age too early. On TV we hear: "Half of men over 40 suffer from erectile dysfunction." And there is an impression that this is normal and should begin immediately after the anniversary. In fact, 40 years is too early. The first changes can begin in a healthy person after the age of 50, and only at the age of 60 does the level of the hormone testosterone, which determines interest in sex, significantly decrease in the blood.

Myth 3: if he doesn't work out with me, it means he doesn't like me.

In fact: if a man did not feel attraction to this woman, he would not even try, he would not bring acquaintance to bed. After all, unlike women, men are rarely motivated to have sex by external reasons like "to save the family." As a rule, they go on about only their attraction. Don't jump to conclusions based on a couple of failed attempts.

Myth 4: if he takes pills before sex, then I don't turn him on.

In fact: a man can take special means, just to give himself confidence. If you find in the bedside table of a loved one means to increase potency, do not panic. The effectiveness of such drugs is often based on the placebo effect - when the patient believes that the drug should work, and really feels better, although he takes a pharmaceutical dummy like a harmless ascorbic acid. Experiments were carried out: one group was given real pills that improve blood flow in the penis and cause the filling of its vessels with blood, and the other group was given a placebo. Improvement in erection was observed in both groups.

If a man has started taking such pills, you can carefully try to find out what is holding him back. Often the reasons are very simple, and a man is afraid to hurt a woman by talking about them. One day, a patient came to me asking for a prescription because he couldn't handle ... his disgust at the color of nail polish on his partner's feet. She really liked this varnish and he did not want to upset her.

Myth 5: after taking a “special pill”, a man will become aroused, even if there is no woman around.

In fact: a man who has taken an aphrodisiac in an inappropriate situation and suffers from an inappropriate erection is most likely a plot from comedies. In real life, in order for an erection to occur, only pills are not enough, you also need the presence of a sexually attractive partner and elements of a love game: foreplay, caresses, kisses. The tablet causes a more pronounced response to these stimuli, but does not replace them.

Myth 6: Stimulant pills are very unhealthy.

In fact: the tablets cause side effects - increased blood flow to the head, reddening of the face, have a tonic effect, can increase the overall pressure. Pharmaceuticals are incompatible with alcohol and a number of cardiac drugs. This is important: Most cases of erectile dysfunction occur in men over 60 who are taking heart medications. Therefore, tablets should be prescribed by a doctor, and not by an "experienced" colleague.

Myth 7: Lack of "fortitude" is a sign of other serious diseases.

In fact: erectile dysfunction can indeed be associated with other diseases, such as diabetes: it dramatically changes the structure of small vessels. A variety of infections, including the flu, can also cause sexual problems. Even after a common cold, you need 5 days to recover.

Another common cause is diseases of the prostate gland: vascular nerve bundles run along its sides, which are important for the occurrence of an erection. Alarm signals - violation of urination, frequent urge, discomfort. This is a reason to visit a urologist, including to exclude a malignant disease.

Potency increase

Sexologist, psychotherapist tells about the causes of erectile dysfunction and how to overcome them.

The Internet and television are flooded with advertisements for “miraculous” pills and drugs that promise to return “male power” and get rid of erectile dysfunction. And supply, as we know, is born from demand. What happened - why did the men "spoil"? Internet and social networks turned out to be “more interesting” than living women? Or maybe the ladies themselves are to blame for the fact that their gentlemen less and less have a desire to be a man, as well as a desire to fulfill this desire?

Evgeny Kulgavchuk, a well-known sexologist and psychotherapist, answered these and other questions to our correspondent.

Evgeny Alexandrovich, if a man is not interested in a particular woman and sexual life in general, it comes to impotence... Is this fair?

- The term "impotence" is excluded from the world classification of diseases and replaced by the term "erectile dysfunction". Nevertheless, the word "impotence" is indeed still common in everyday life. The literal translation means "no power". For men, this is a very significant area of \u200b\u200blife. And if there are failures in it, then in almost every case, regardless of the main reasons, there is also a mental component. Men only see the symptom, the result. And they refer to the loss of erection or its weakening in the process of sexual intimacy. Of course, as a rule, an emotional component joins these complaints. A man can have anxiety and even depression. Whatever women think about men, in fact, they all want to be successful not only at work, but also in their personal lives.

Now there is a lot of talk about impotence "getting younger".

Is it so?

- I have 16 years of practice in the profession, and I can rely not only on statistics, but also on my own observations. Indeed, over the past 10 - 15 years, a decrease in the average age of our patients can be noted. More and more young people are attending. At the beginning of my career, the average age of patients was 40 years old, now it is 35.

When a man "can't and doesn't want", what is to blame in the first place: physiology, psychology, or maybe social factors?

- As a rule, there is no one reason. When I communicate with a patient, I try to understand his lifestyle - how are his emotions, does he get enough sleep, does he have a midlife crisis? What are his attitudes in the intimate sphere, what is the behavior of the partner? After all, for example, a woman who does not know how to seduce, but only requires the fulfillment of "marital duty", is often one of the causes of psychogenic erectile dysfunction. Often in practice there is a syndrome of anxious expectation of sexual failure. In this state, a man fixes on failure, and the next time he is already waiting for her. Sex becomes a test for him. And if a woman voluntarily or involuntarily "adds fuel to the fire", a sexual neurosis is formed. And the man turns on "avoidant behavior." Some bump into work or alcohol. Some - unconsciously provoke quarrels with his wife, so that the idea of intimacy would look absurd. Confused men sometimes choose different ways instead of going to the doctor. And exacerbate the problem and relationships with a partner, wife. And it's not far from divorce. Some go to a urologist due to illiteracy, but it is necessary - to a sexologist.

Not "can" or "won't"?

Women are often tormented by one question: what is more important - "can't" or "doesn't want"?

– As they say, one does not interfere with the other – one can “not want” and “not be able” at the same time. But it is important to remember that an erection is, first of all, a clear indicator of “I want”, and not “I can”. But even this “want” is not unlimited. Much depends on the sexual constitution, that is, on the temperament of a man.

Is it true that men themselves often do not notice the problem or even accuse the woman of wanting “too much” from him?

- Compliments and eroticism can be demanded from a man - for example, kisses, gentle strokes. And the erection does not obey the will. Neither the will of a woman, nor the will of a man. As soon as the word or thought “should” arises, this is the beginning of the road to a dead end.

Increasingly, they talk about the impact of stress on a modern man - is it really so terrible for the intimate sphere?

- Of course. Nature is against conception in a stressful situation. And reduces the degree of attraction through hormonal mechanisms. Stress levels rise - the level of the anti-stress hormone prolactin rises, and it, in turn, suppresses the production of testosterone, the hormone responsible for sexual desire in both men and women. As a result, deactualization of the sexual sphere occurs.

The main woman is mother.

They say that a man's ability to "be a man" depends on his upbringing and on what kind of relationship he has with his mother - is that true?

- Absolutely! The first prototype of women for a boy is a mother. It is she who lays the foundation for relationships with the opposite sex. Every woman who wants happiness for her child, especially a boy, should breastfeed him for at least the first year after birth. It is during this period that a positive and negative, open or wary attitude towards the female sex is formed. Mom is first and foremost a woman. And if the family is not complete, and the mother tries to play the role of both parents, then the child will not see either female or male behavior as a result ... And as a result, his experience of communicating with the opposite sex can be negative. And this is a direct path to isolation, disappointment ... Moreover, isolation may not be literal, but emotional. For example, a man can endlessly change partners, remaining alone. In sexology, this is called promiscuity, that is, promiscuity without the ability to establish deep emotional relationships. Therefore, if a person dreams of creating a strong and happy family, these situations require in-depth study.

What are the most common mistakes made by mothers who raise boys?

- A boy should definitely see an example of male behavior. If not in the family, then in the sports section. In the end, there are uncles, grandfathers. But ideally, of course, there should be a father whom the boy's mother loves. Excessive guardianship, pressure, dictate are dangerous. They are fraught with the appearance of infantile and feminine behavior in a teenager.

Marry - only for love! Some women are obsessed with their appearance and do everything to please their husband. And some stop taking care of themselves, focusing entirely on the family, on the children. Maybe in general a woman behaves so “wrongly” that her man simply loses interest in intimate life?

– Very, very much depends on a woman, both positively and negatively. For example, you can appear in front of your husband in untidy clothes, reproach him in case of sexual failure (although, if you think about it, it’s actually not his failure, but hers), not support him, but humiliate and “finish off” with words and all your behavior, and here is the result: he wants nothing! Therefore, to young women who come to see me, I constantly say: “Marry for love, respect your man, praise him - and he will move mountains for you!” A neat appearance, good physical shape, perfume, grooming are always a plus. But the panic obsession of some women with their appearance is already a problem of a woman's self-esteem and her relationships with others. After all, if people are attracted to each other only by their bodies, this is a “castrated” version of human love. There must be a desire of souls, people must be interested together not only in bed, but also outside of it.

These "terrible" businesswomen. Does it happen that a socially successful woman does not attract, but scares away a man? After all, where did the armies of beautiful, smart and successful women who suffer from loneliness come from? Why do men avoid them?

- It's not about success, but about behavior patterns. If a woman in a competitive environment begins to use male models of behavior - for example, she becomes assertive, harsh, and this is sometimes required in a competitive environment, then masculine or, more simply, "courageous" men do not like it. Feminine - more "feminine" (these are the so-called "mama's sons"), such a model may seem attractive, since it is customary to obey them.

Take care of the men! If a woman is ready to fight for her man, for family happiness, how should she behave when her husband has problems in bed?

- At the very least, you need to let him sleep. Completely stop any criticism - even that which a woman may consider constructive. Ask for forgiveness for past wrongs. To voice that she does not need sex for at least a week. It's time to get to know each other better. And against this background - daily relaxing massages with oils. And you need to do them one by one. If positive dynamics does not appear against this background, you should definitely go to a sexologist who can find both medical and hidden psychological causes of the situation. It is important to explain to the man that there will be no search for “guilty” and “sick” at the reception. Meetings with a doctor are necessary in order to improve the quality of your sex life - and this is possible!

Do you have an example from your practice when a woman helped a man gain faith in himself - in every sense?

- I'll tell you about the wife of my recent patient. Her behavior is amazing! I was approached by an entrepreneur who had suffered significantly in the new economic conditions. Many problems fell on him, and amid stress, a decrease in attraction to his wife began. But most of all, he was worried about how he would tell her that, perhaps, soon he might completely lose his business and they would be left without money and with large debts ... But his wife was used to a high standard of living ... I advised her to tell her everything how there is. If not a close person, then who will support us in difficult times? And my intuition did not fail me.

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