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Signs That You're a Good Parent

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At least you'll never be this bad. Universal Studios

With all of the changes in society, parenting can seem to be more complicated than it used to be. Whether you're a parent of one or a parent of five, there never seems to be a rule book to "doing parenting right." And according to Alechia Reese — mom and PR and creative marketing director for Soledad O'Brien's PowHERful Foundation — that may have you questioning whether or not you're doing a good job.

"Mom guilt is a real thing. Many of today's women are building scalable and sustainable businesses, creating some symbolism of balance, and managing whole households while raising children — both with and without partners," she said. "The pressure, stress, strain, and resources necessary is beyond challenging. It's easy to succumb to the belief that with all the requirements needed to build, that you're neglecting the one thing that matters most: your children."

Although you may feel the same way, it doesn't mean it's true. Here are 11 signs to prove that you are a good parent — even if it may not feel like it.

Your child has failed at something and you let it happen.

Watching them fail may be difficult, but it can prove to be a conversation-starter between you and your child. Pexels

No matter how old your child is, parents do their best to keep them from getting hurt. According to Armin Brott, author of "The New Father: A Dad's Guide to the First Year" and publisher of MrDad.com, watching your child fail isn't such a bad thing.

"Too many parents try to protect their children from feeling the sting of disappointment or inconvenience. Skinned knees build character," said Brott. "When you let children fail, but discuss it later and talk about what they learned from the experience, you're teaching perseverance and the value of hard work."

 

Your children have their own identity.

Even if you don't understand their preferences at the time, a little support can go a long way. Getty Images/Sean Gallup

Although every parent can see a little of themselves in their children, knowing that your child has their own identity is a good way to know that you're doing something right.

"The fact that your kids are passionate about something they know you might not like is a sign that they know your support is unconditional," Brott told INSIDER. "They know you're more interested in helping them become the best versions of themselves instead of turning them into copies of you."

 

Your kids practice safety habits even when they don't know you're watching.

They learn from your good examples. Pexels

It's typical for parents to think that their children let their advice go in one ear and right out of the other, but Brott said that that's not always the case.

"Keeping your kids safe is a huge part of your job, and your goal, as with most of parenting, is to raise kids who will make good choices on their own," Brott said. "The fact that they take basic safety precautions seriously is a sign that you've taught them well."

You gave up a bad habit to set a good example.

You broke that bad habit. Shutterstock/Myroslava Gerber

Everyone has a bad habit — even parents. When you have children, however, the influence you make on them should outweigh the need for that habit.

"Dads, especially in the early years of parenting, often quit smoking, exercise more, sell their Harley, or give up bungee jumping," Brott told INSIDER. "For me, it was learning to see yellow lights as something to slow down for instead of as a sign to floor it."

Your kids, whether you notice it at first, are always paying attention to what you do. Why not let them replicate something positive?

You mess things up.

Mistakes can teach you — and your kids — a good lesson. Getty Images/Fiona Goodall

When you think of "good parenting" doing things perfectly may be the first thing that comes to mind. Brott told INSIDER though, that messing up is really an indicator of how well you're doing.

"The only way you'll become a competent, confident parent is by making mistakes," Brott said. "Kids are remarkably resilient creatures. And if worse comes to worst, you can already turn their college fund into a therapy fund."

 

You make it a point to have family dinners.

Family time is the best time. Bayskes via Flickr

Though spending time together as a family can be difficult to to do, making this a priority with your crew is a sign of good parenting, according to Brott.

"It doesn't matter if it's gourmet Taco Tuesdays or takeout from Little Caesar's or Panda Express," said Brott. "The point is that you're together, hopefully without electronic devices, and focusing on each other. Kids who have regular dinner with their parents — especially with dad — do better in school, have higher self-esteem, and are less likely to abuse drugs or alcohol or become teen parents."

 

Your kids have gotten mad at you.

It may hurt to hear them say it, but they'll thank you for it later. Wikimedia Commons

Hearing your child say hurtful words to you can make you feel as if you're doing a bad job as a parent. That, however, may not always be the truth.

"It hurts. A lot. But it's usually a sign that you've set a boundary, stood your ground, and enforced a consequence when it was broken," Brott told INSIDER. "Trying to be your child's friend may be more fun, but your child needs you to be a parent."

 

You think you're failing.

Don't be too hard on yourself. NadyaEugene/Shutterstock

According to Brott, parents who think they're failing at being parents are usually doing something right.

"Chances are, if you've had that thought, you're doing okay," he said. "In my experience, the parents who are supremely confident that they're always right are usually the worst."

 

Your kids do the right things when you're not around.

They take what you've taught them and run with it. Shutterstock/Max Topchii

It may be easy to feel that your child will succumb to negative peer pressures when you're not with them, but Reese told INSIDER that you can trust your kids to do the right thing.

"Most parents do their best to instill good principles and morals in their children, however, it's not enough for them to be on their best behavior while in your face," Reese said. "How you truly know you're a good parent is when you're not around and they have to employ the lessons you've taught them. Don't worry if they aren't successful the first few times. As long as they can identify where they messed up and how they can correct it, they're growing in the right direction. Remember, they're still learning and so are we."

No matter what happens, you stay persistent with parenthood.

It can be hard sometimes, but it's worth the fight. Uber Images/Shutterstock

Danielle Forte, creative director and founder of 828 Clothing and 828 Baby, told INSIDER a simple way to know that you're a good parent is that you haven't given up on your journey.

"No matter how deep you are into the feeling of being drowned by parenthood and life, it's important to remember to stay the course," she said. "As long as you want better for your child than you had for yourself, and are taking the appropriate steps to actualize this goal, you have nothing to worry about."

You're making an effort to do your best.

You may not feel like you're doing a good job, but to your kids, you're doing more than enough. Flickr / Lauren Hammond

Likewise, Forte said that making an effort to be a present and loving parent is another way to know that you're not doing as bad as you think.

"It's the effort and love you put into your child and family, that makes someone a great parent," Forte told INSIDER. " Sometimes things have to give and that's OK. For example, you might not do the dishes for a day, but if you know your child feels loved and protected, that's all one could ask for."

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7 Signs You're Parenting Right According to a Psychologist

Parenthood

by ParentCo. July 21, 2021

Modern parents hold themselves to higher standards than ever before as we guide our children to adulthood. Are we doing a good job? Are we doing right by our kids? It’s easy to get caught in a comparison trap with other parents or look for outwardly measurable signs of our success. In my work as a clinical psychologist, there are seven signs I see that tell me a child has an awesome parent.

The seven signs of being an awesome parent

1 | Your child displays a range of emotions with you 

Sometimes the timing of our child’s big emotions is difficult. We may not wish to see as much of the sometimes difficult emotions as we do, but your child’s ability to express anger, sadness, or fear in front of you is a good sign that she feels emotionally safe with you. It worries me greatly when children hide their feelings from their parents. Often, this is a sign of big problems in the parent-child relationship. Avoid shutting down or distracting your child out of her feelings. Instead, pay attention and show appreciation for them. “I can see from how you’re kicking the wall that you’re very angry. And you’re telling me this is because your sister won’t let you play.” This tells your child you can handle her feelings and you understand her perspective.

2 | Your child comes to you when hurt or facing a problem

I know that a parent is doing an awesome job when their child comes to them as a first port of call for their problems. This means you have provided a secure base that your child can return to when he needs help.

A good way to encourage this is to welcome your child with open arms and listen to his problems, even if small or the problem seems petty to you. This sets up the relationship to be open to communication about things that are difficult in your child’s life.

3 | Your child can discuss thoughts and feelings without fearing your reaction

This is a positive sign of an accepting, open, and flexible parent-child relationship. Some parents unwittingly restrict communication with their child through their behavior, such as over-reacting to thoughts or feelings they don’t like or those that question their behavior as a parent. Other parents appear so fragile to their children that they don’t want to burden their parent with their thoughts and feelings. I get concerned when parents say, “My child is my rock.” Parents are the rocks; children should never be their parent’s rock. You can support this by accepting your child’s thoughts and feelings without making it be about who you are. If you need additional support for your feelings, do that with another adult – not with your child.

4 | Your feedback is non-critical and non-labeling

Awesome parents give non-critical feedback about behavior and avoid labels such as ‘bad’, ‘naughty’, ‘greedy’, and ‘lazy’. If your child eats all the chocolate biscuits before anyone else has a chance to share them, an awesome parent focuses on the behavior: “You ate all the biscuits without sharing. It is important in our home that you share with your siblings. How do you think you could make this up to your family?” This is very different from saying, “You greedy girl. Go to your room.”

5 | You encourage your child to pursue interests and talents

Pursuing interests and talents helps children feel a sense of mastery and achievement. It can positively engage children through the teen and young adult years, teaching persistence and helping protect against risk-taking behavior. It’s a wonderful thing to excel at something you love. Sometimes, I see parents directing children’s interests to fulfill unmet dreams and needs of their own. When you force a child to excel for your own reasons, all sorts of things can go wrong, even when they look like they’re going right. This can set children up for feeling like a failure, feeling intense levels of pressure, and feeling controlled. Also, if they fail and a narcissist parent’s ambition is behind it, children wear the burden of disappointing their parent on top of their own disappointment.

6 | You create boundaries on behavior to keep your child safe

Awesome parents guide their child’s behavior by setting considered boundaries and limits. Children without limits and boundaries often end up in a lot of trouble or lost. Boundaries help children feel loved and valued, even if they don’t like the boundaries some of the time. Some examples of helpful limits include a bedtime routine, respectful language towards family members, and not permitting teens to attend parties where alcohol is supplied.

7 | You fix your mistakes

Being able to repair relationship ruptures with your child is a sign of being an awesome parent. If you yell, over-react, or call your child a name, it is important to repair that rupture with your child. Talking with your child about how you wished you had handled the situation can help. Explaining that your big feelings got in the way of you being able to respond in the way you should have also helps.

Although it’s tempting to look for signs of successful parenting, such as reading levels, whether they eat the “right foods,” or win on the football field, successful parenting is about providing a secure base for your child. This creates a place from which your child can thrive. It consists of an ongoing lifelong relationship not contingent on external results, but rather on love, respect, and connection. That’s what being an awesome parent all is about.



ParentCo.

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A good enough parent: why no one needs to strive for the ideal

Many mothers are obsessed with the idea of ​​being perfect, and when this does not work out, they become depressed. The “perfect mother” or “perfect parent” is an imposed stereotype that is harmful to everyone. Our blogger from the Shalash Charitable Foundation explains why you can just be a "good enough parent" and that's it.

British pediatrician and child psychoanalyst Donald Woods Winnicott made life easier for many parents at 1960s, when he introduced the concept of "good enough mother". He was the first to talk about the fact that, in fact, a woman already has everything to be a wonderful mother, and by interfering in these relationships, we only increase her anxiety and thereby cause harm.

Parents of foster children, of course, worry a lot. This is understandable, they face a difficult task: to restore (or build for the first time) attachment, to become “their own adult” for a non-native child. The position of a guardian or adoptive parent is very vulnerable - anyone strives to evaluate or give advice. Are you doing poorly? Not enough patience? Is it difficult for you with a child? Why did you take it then? This is a very offensive point of view, but I am glad that it is not the only one.

We are for foster (and in general for all) parents to have one less reason to worry. You don't really have to be perfect. It's enough to be "good enough". According to Winnicot, this means:

  • To be present in the child's life, that is, to be physically near. The psychologist called the parent-child relationship "holding" (eng. hold - "support"): the parent creates the necessary conditions for the child, protects him, but at the same time leaves the opportunity to explore the world and experiment. This will allow in the future to successfully achieve the most important goal of education - the separation of the child from the parent and the beginning of his independent adult life.
  • Handle the child's emotions. It is important not to collapse from the manifestation of childish aggression and rudeness. These are natural phenomena: it is a mistake to think that only adopted children fight and swear. “The most remarkable feature of a mother is her willingness to suffer some damage from her child, to endure his hatred, being unable to repay the same, and her ability to wait for rewards that may not follow” (Donald Winnicott).
  • Make mistakes. It is normal to leave a child for a short time or even to quarrel. If the parent returns soon, and the relationship is restored, the child gets a positive experience after the stress: everything has returned to its place, the world can be good for me. What is more important is not the fact that the parent caused trouble initially, but how he resolved the situation after.

Winnicott, in order to better explain what a “good enough mother” is, described the “ideal mother” and “bad mother”. You may be surprised, but the "perfect mother" is the worst.

"Bad mother" does not establish a relationship with the child at all. That is, it deprives him of the necessary support and care, provides him with more freedom and independence than the child can withstand. The “ideal mother”, on the contrary, is in a very close relationship with the child, takes care of him a lot, but does not let go, even when the time comes. This option, according to Winnicott, is the most pernicious, because it does not leave the child a chance to gain freedom. It will be difficult for a child of a "bad mother" to adapt to life, but he will still be able to know reality, he will be forced to somehow interact with the outside world. The child of the "ideal mother" will forever remain a hostage of her personality.

There is a feeling that in today's world, truth can no longer be perfect. Ideal parent/partner/child/boss. You can make mistakes, you can think about yourself and take time for yourself. You can be good enough.

You are in the "Blogs" section. The opinion of the author may not coincide with the position of the editors.

Photo: Vlada Artamonova @lartwoods

Training meeting "I am a good parent!"


Parent meeting-training

I AM A GOOD PARENT!

Purpose : attention to the positive aspects of raising a child with special educational needs (hereinafter referred to as NEP), forms of manifestation of love for a child.

Tasks:

- reveal the importance of expressing one's feelings and improved relationships with children;

- to develop the ability of parents treat children with understanding, attention, and love;

- increase the self-esteem of parents.

Equipment: ball, colored hands, flower template, pens, leaflets for drawing the sun, hand templates, 1 drawing paper with a painted sun, markers, 3 glasses of water, a teaspoon, gold powder, paints.

The course of the training meeting:

The family is one of the most ancient social institutions. It arose much earlier than religion, the state, the army, education, market.

Various sources of the concept " marriage " and " family " often are used as synonyms. What do you think: marriage and family are synonyms?

Modern and domestic sociologists define marriage as a historically changing social form relations between a woman and a man, through which society arranges and authorizes their life together and establishes their marital and parental rights and responsibilities.

The family is a complex relationship system than marriage, because it is usually unites not only spouses, but also their children, as well as other close relatives.

But the main link between all family members are parents. And today we are thinking about What kind of parents are we, how do we love and do we know how to love our children? Let's try highlight the terms of your parental love.

In order for us to start work at today's training meeting, I propose to do the following warm-up exercise.

Warm-up exercise "Hold the ball"

(target - unity of the group, the mood for cooperation)

Please stand in a circle. Stretch your arms forward. I have a ball in my hands. Let's not let him fall, let him roll over our palms, first in one direction, then in the opposite direction.

Tell me how you felt doing this exercise? I ask everyone to say at least one sentence. ( Parents speak in a circle).

So today we will to work fruitfully and efficiently, and for this we need to discuss the rules work. And the rules of our meeting are as follows:

1. Everyone has the right speak up and be heard.

2. We don't have spectators, everyone works.

3. We are good friends, educated people, we know how to keep our secrets, and do not gossip.

Accept the rules? Good. Let's get to work.

Exercise Floors

(target - help parents accept the child as he is)

Now I suggest you turn to your life experience. Imagine that you are now in front of a large modern supermarket. It has three floors:

- on the first floor goods are sold with a known marriage, low quality;

- on the second floor - ordinary goods of average price and quality;

- on the third floor sell the best, high quality, chic things.

Which floor would you like want to buy a product?

Talk : when we have a baby, we always want him corresponded to the "third floor" - was smart .... And maybe with his help we will realize their unfulfilled dreams. But, unfortunately, this does not happen in real life.

Every child unique. It has a little bit of the first, second, third floors. And your children not an exception. They have what you like and what you would like to change. And your task is to accept your child, without any conditions, the way he is. there is.

Your next task is to highlight positive aspects of your child.

Flower exercise

say sweet words to a child)

Popular wisdom says: “The sweetest sound for a person is his name". If you want to attract the attention of the child to yourself, set him up for communication, then you should address him by his first name. What do you name your child?

I suggest you fill in the petals. In the core of the flower offered to you write down your child's name. On the leaves are the positive qualities of the child, and on petals affectionate words.

Discussion: there are a lot of petals and apparently it is very difficult for you to pick up affectionate the words. Describe the qualities of the child in a positive way.

How difficult was it to do a task? How did this exercise make you feel? Or maybe it was easy deal with it?

Thus, affectionate words or "I love you”, the child always wants to hear from his closest people. Exactly these words nourish the whole existence and development of the personality of the baby - this is FIRST SECRET parenting.

SECOND SECRET offers renowned family therapist Virginia Satir. She recommends hug the baby several times a day. And believes that 4 hugs absolutely necessary for everyone just for survival, but for good health need at least 8 hugs a day !

In order for the child to develop intellectually, - 12 times a day !

The child should know that his parents they will always understand and accept, no matter what happens to him, and no matter what he is. it nourishes him emotionally, helping to develop psychologically. If he doesn't receives proper signs, then there are deviations in behavior, and even neuropsychiatric diseases. Every child needs hugs in order to to feel your WORTH .

A to find out THIRD SECRET education and communication with the child, I propose to take part in the experiment, and you make sure, as humanely as necessary (respectfully, carefully, attentively, kindly, sincerely, touchingly) treat your child.

Exercise "Glasses"

(c spruce - using metaphors to draw the attention of parents to the need for a humane attitude towards raising a child)

Instructions: in front of you are three glasses of clean water. Let's imagine that each of them is a child born with pure feelings, who has not yet have formed or are just beginning to form worldviews and ideas about him.

Take the first glass and leave it unchanged. What's going on in this glass? We don't know for sure, something might get into it without our attention.

Throw a piece of black paint into the second glass and stir it. What happened in a glass? The water became dirty and dark.

Add gold powder to the third glass. What is going on in this glass? The water sparkled with gold.

Conclusion: This happens in raising a child. When we leave him without proper attention and supervision, he may develop further. But in what direction? When we invest in child only "dirt" - shouting, censure, dissatisfaction with him, insults and humiliation, then the child begins to answer us in the same way. When do we invest in child's attention, love, respect, then the child answers us benevolence, normal harmonious development of his personality. Takova essence THIRD SECRET parenting.

Game "What is my child like"

(goal is to determine parent-child relationship, closeness of relationship, how well parents know their child and how they see him)

Your task on the proposed palm template on each finger write the letter of the child's name. Then decipher the letters, that is, name the qualities of the child's character, starting with given letter. In the center of the palm, you can depict a symbol of who he is in the family.

The palms are glued onto paper.

Discussion : presence of positive characteristics, allows you to see positive qualities in a child, the most set it up for success, as well as to reveal how well you know your child. And allows you to draw certain conclusions about the formation child's personality.

Exercise "In the rays of the parental sun"

(goal - identifying ways to show parental love for a child, sharing parenting experience)

You are offered a circle that symbolizes you - parents. Your task is to draw a beam for everyone. Drawing a ray you must answer the question: How do I warm my child like the sun warms the earth? (for example: I hug a child seven or eight times a day, realizing how important it is to him. I am kind, etc.)

Please work, you have 3 minutes!

Talk: Let's share our pedagogical findings with all. The sun is drawn on the board. It is you who are yours you warm your child with warmth, what are your rays called? Parents go out and write down the answer to the question “How do I keep my baby warm?”.

Now let's take a closer look, what we got. Look how radiant our parent sun is. It, like the one under which we live, generously gives us its warmth, affection, not choosing the time and place for it. Likewise, we parents must love our children, without any conditions, of course. An expression of parental love conveyed in his statement the well-known teacher S. Soloveichik:

“Where there is not enough patience, one should try to understand where I don’t understand - try to endure, and I always accept child, always love.

Exercise “Why I am a good parent”

(the goal is to increase self-esteem of the role of parents) good (th) father, (mother) because .

Learn more