Enhancing self esteem activities
7 Activities to Build Your Self-Esteem (With Exercises and Examples)
Do you find yourself deflecting compliments instead of accepting them? Or perhaps you tend to think your achievements are down to luck, but all your failures are your own fault? If you do, then maybe you’re just a very critical thinker, or more likely, you have low self-esteem. But lots of people have low self-esteem, right? What’s the big deal?
The big deal is that low self-esteem can lower your well-being and overall quality of life. This works the other way around, too, as low quality of life - which includes different factors like low socioeconomic status and loneliness - can lower self-esteem. Too high self-esteem can create its own problems - confidence may be sexy, but nobody likes a bragger. But a healthy, balanced level of self-esteem is often the key to success and a better, happier, and more fulfilled life.
And who wouldn’t want to be happy, right? Yet low self-esteem can often seem impossible to overcome because someone with low self-esteem doesn’t believe that they can do it. Luckily, there are some simple but effective ways of boosting self-esteem, and I will guide you through them in this article.
Contents
- Can you train your self-esteem?
- 7 activities to build your self-esteem
- 1. Don't deflect compliments - accept them!
- 2. Use positive affirmations (but only the right kind)
- 3. Keep a self-esteem journal
- 4. Set a goal and work towards it
- 5. Exercise
- 6. Practice mindfulness
- 7. Get off the 'gram
- Wrapping up
Can you train your self-esteem?
Self-esteem is influenced by a lot of factors, including (but certainly not limited to):
- Life experiences like bullying.
- Parenting style.
- Health.
- Age.
- Relationships.
- Quality of life.
- Socioeconomic status.
- Social media use.
Although there is some evidence that self-esteem is partly regulated by a certain gene, it is mostly affected by environmental factors such as the ones listed above.
Research shows that bullying, distant parenting, lower socioeconomic status, and social media addiction all predict low self-esteem. The good news is that self-esteem seems to grow with age.
Another big part of low self-esteem is the negative thinking and attributional styles that color how you understand the world. People with low self-esteem tend to think that every negative event is their fault and their fault alone. As far as we can tell, these thoughts are not genetic, but rather a product of people’s experiences, and thus, they can be changed.
When psychologists talk about raising self-esteem, this is what they talk about: challenging and changing the negative thought patterns that don’t help anyone.
In fact, Overcoming Low Self-Esteem by Melanie Fennell, one of the most popular self-help guides for raising self-esteem, is almost entirely dedicated to challenging negative and critical thoughts about oneself and forming new, positive ones. And really, that’s what raising self-esteem boils down to.
Research has shown that self-esteem can definitely be trained. Different forms of therapy, like art therapy, solution-focused brief therapy, and cognitive-behavioral therapy have been found to be successful in raising self-esteem in different age groups.
But what if you favor a more DIY approach? Things that you can try without having to make an appointment or spending a lot of money. Can you still train your self-esteem without the help of a professional?
The answer is a resounding yes! (As long as you’re willing to put in a little bit of effort, of course.) Below are some self-esteem activities that are sure to give you that much-needed boost of confidence.
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7 activities to build your self-esteem
Everybody deserves to feel good about themselves and take pride in their accomplishments, and luckily, healthy self-esteem is achievable for everyone.
Here are 7 self-esteem activities that will help you get there.
1. Don't deflect compliments - accept them!
I had just bought a new dress and it didn’t go unnoticed by my coworkers. “That’s a lovely dress and it suits you so well!” they would say. “Oh, it has pockets!” I would gush in response, showing off the pockets in question.
Now, I was really proud of my pockets (they could fit my phone!), but what I should have said was: “Thank you!”. Many people from both ends of the self-esteem spectrum have trouble accepting compliments sometimes, but people with low self-esteem have a hard time accepting any positive feedback.
To boost your self-esteem, practice saying “Thank you!” when someone pays you a compliment instead of deflecting it.
2. Use positive affirmations (but only the right kind)
Positive affirmations are popular tools for promoting self-esteem and confidence, but they might not always work for you. If you’re used to thinking of yourself as unlovable, then the statement “I am a lovable person” seems jarring, and repeating it may make you feel even worse.
To boost your self-esteem, use gentler affirmations, for example:
- I will persevere.
- I can do hard things.
- Mistakes help me learn and grow.
- Or even: I got this.
Choose an affirmation or two that work for you and write them down. Think about what you want to hear when you’re feeling low. Place the affirmation somewhere you look often - on your computer, in your wallet or planner, or you can even set the affirmation as the lock screen on your phone. Use it as a reminder that you do, in fact, got this.
3. Keep a self-esteem journal
Low self-esteem makes you look at the world in a negative light and positive journaling is a way to combat this.
The idea of a self-esteem journal is very simple: every day, sit down for a few minutes to write down the good things that happened that day.
They may be hard to notice at first, but with practice, you’ll soon find that seeing the positive comes naturally. Self-esteem journals are very similar to gratitude journals, which have been shown to boost overall well-being.
For your own journal, you can try a freeform approach and just write down the positive things that happened to you. You can also try this worksheet from Therapist Aid if you want some directions.
4. Set a goal and work towards it
As the psychologist Guy Winch puts it:
Self-esteem is built by demonstrating real ability and achievement in areas of our lives that matter to us.
One of the best ways to boost your self-esteem is to show yourself that you can meet your goals. For example, if you like running, set yourself a goal to run a certain amount of miles or sign up for a race. Work towards that goal and take pride in your progress.
Once you’ve achieved your goal, you can pat yourself on the back for a job well done and your self-esteem will rise, even if just by a little bit.
The goals should be realistic, though - if you’re a novice runner, don’t sign up for a marathon just yet. The other important point to consider is that the goals should be important to you.
In other words, don’t set a goal to run a mile when you’d rather be swimming instead.
5. Exercise
Even if you’re not big on running, you should still be getting regular exercise. Not only is it good for your mental health in general, but research has shown that people engaged in physical exercise also have higher self-esteem.
Find an activity that works for you and get physical! From running to rowing, dancing to duathlon, fencing to football and everything in between, the opportunities are endless.
One of the biggest self-esteem success stories I have ever seen came from a friend who took a pole dancing class and fell in love with it. Turns out that it’s hard to feel bad for yourself when you’re literally hanging onto a pole with only the strength of your thighs.
6. Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness is all about being present and not worrying over the past or the future. In contrast, people with low self-esteem worry a lot.
Put 2 and 2 together and you’ll find that mindfulness can be an effective self-esteem booster, and research has shown that, too.
Working at a school, self-esteem issues are my bread and butter, and simple mindfulness techniques have proven to be a surprisingly versatile tool in supporting my students’ confidence.
A great place to start is setting aside 10 minutes of your day for meditating. If you’ve never done that before, you can try this guide by Headspace or one of the 5 meditation apps recommended by mindful.org, which is a great resource itself.
7. Get off the 'gram
If your Facebook and Instagram feeds are anything to go by, your friends are constantly on vacation, eating healthy, getting married, getting promotions, and generally living a better life than you are.
Deep down you know that you’re not getting the full picture, but it’s still difficult to feel good about yourself when you compare your own life to the highlight reels of others. While a little bit of upward comparison can be motivating, research has shown that in most cases, it just lowers your self-esteem.
So if you’re prone to such comparisons, the best gift you can give yourself is to log off for a while.
If you can’t do that for some reason, then use the mute function and unfollow features that don’t add any value to your life and curate yourself a feed that lifts you up instead of bringing you down.
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Wrapping up
Everybody deserves to feel good about themselves and take pride in their accomplishments, and luckily, healthy self-esteem is achievable for everyone. Although it may take a little bit of work, the rewards are worth it - not only will you feel better about yourself and your accomplishments, but you’ll also live a better, more fulfilled life. If that is not a goal worth striving for, then I don’t know what is.
What's your favorite exercise or activity to build your self-esteem? I'd love to hear from you in the comments below!
Maili Tirel
School psychologist
School psychologist, teacher and internet counselor from Estonia.
Passionate about coffee, reading, dancing, and singing in the shower, much to the neighbors’ dismay. Counseling catchphrase: “It’s okay!“
7 Most Effective Self-Esteem Tools and Activities
Your level of self-esteem has to do with how worthwhile you feel.
It’s different from self-confidence, which has more to do with your ability to do something successfully.
Low self-esteem can keep you from enjoying your life. It can also keep you from socializing and maintaining friendships.
Self-esteem is one of those intrinsic qualities that develop slowly over time. Those with low self-esteem might lack certain social skills, lack assertiveness, or even walk into a room with their shoulders slumped. Body language can sometimes be an indicator of how much self-esteem a person genuinely has.
Those who walk into a room with a big smile and a confident, humble demeanor radiate confidence. These are qualities of someone with high self-esteem.
In this article, we will explore what self-esteem is, its origins and roots, as well as some helpful tools and worksheets.
Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Self-Compassion Exercises for free. These detailed, science-based exercises will not only help you increase the compassion and kindness you show yourself but will also give you the tools to help your clients, students, or employees show more compassion to themselves.
This Article Contains:
- What Is Self-Esteem Theory?
- How Can Therapy Be Used to Build Self-Esteem?
- A Look at Self-Esteem Interventions
- 8 Examples of Self-Esteem Issues
- Common Questions on the Topic
- 8 Skills and Techniques to Add to Your Arsenal
- How We Can Build Self-Esteem in Kids
- A Self-Esteem Building Activity and Exercise
- Useful Self-Esteem Tool (incl. PDF)
- An Assessment and Questionnaire
- A Take-Home Message
- References
What Is Self-Esteem Theory?
Everyone wants to have high self-esteem, but it is a very complex concept.
Self-esteem has to do with your ideas about yourself. Those with low self-esteem often have a more negative view of themselves and their abilities. Certain events in life can also cause your self-esteem to plummet.
Many things, including your upbringing, influence your self-esteem. It is based on how much you value yourself and how confident you feel in your mind. Self-confidence is more about having confidence in your ability to do something successfully.
In a nutshell, self-esteem is all about feeling worthy and having a high opinion of yourself. It influences everything in your life.
William James is thought of as the creator of the self-esteem movement (Hewitt, 2005).
James used a straightforward formula for defining self-esteem:
Self-esteem equals success divided by our pretensions
Pretensions refer to our goals, values, and those things we believe about our potential. If our level of success exceeds our expectations, then we might view ourselves as successful and feel good about ourselves, which raises our self-esteem.
On the other hand, if our achievements are low and our expectations are high, then we may see ourselves as a failure.
Stanley Coopersmith was also a leader in the study of self-esteem. He believed that self-esteem begins early in life in childhood.
Coopersmith also believed that our self-esteem builds up or declines throughout our lives, based on our early childhood experiences, which may be positive or negative.
Morris Rosenberg, a contemporary of Coopersmith, studied the development of self-esteem, focusing on the adolescent years.
Rosenberg believed that self-esteem tended to develop more in the adolescent years, which are uncertain for many. His theory of self-esteem was based upon the idea that during adolescence, we often compare ourselves to others, which causes us to continually evaluate and re-evaluate how others see us and think about us.
Contemporary theories are based on the role self-esteem plays in our lives and our psychological wellbeing.
How Can Therapy Be Used to Build Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem typically refers to how we think about ourselves. In essence, it is an aggregate of thoughts as we examine how confident we are.
Those who have low levels of self-esteem often engage in excessive self-criticism. This can result in other psychological disorders such as depression and anxiety.
Therapy, like Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT), can be an effective treatment for some. CBT is a brief, problem-focused therapy that targets the problems that are occurring in the present moment, as opposed to focusing on the past or childhood memories (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Los Angeles, n.d.).
CBT is one of the most researched treatment modalities when it comes to helping build self-esteem.
A Look at Self-Esteem Interventions
Dialectical Behavior Therapy, created by Marsha Linehan, can also be very effective for helping to build self-esteem. The FAST acronym (Linehan, 1993) is a useful approach for steps you can take to make daily choices to build your self-esteem.
Each of us has many choices throughout the day that we can make to build our self-esteem.
Making healthy choices requires awareness of our actions, followed by making conscious and intentional choices (Optimum Performance Institute, n.d.).
FAST Acronym
F – Be fair to yourself as well as other people. It’s important to learn that your needs are just as important as someone else’s. This is also about being assertive and learning to speak your truth.
A – No apologies. Don’t be overly apologetic. Don’t apologize for having an opinion or disagreeing with others.
S – Stick to your values and don’t compromise or abandon your values trying to please others or conform.
T – Be truthful and don’t make excuses. Be honest and don’t exaggerate or tell little white lies,
Therapies like CBT and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing can be useful for treating low self-esteem in patients with a wide range of psychiatric disorders in secondary mental healthcare (Griffioen, van der Vegt, de Groot, & de Jongh, 2017).
This particular study examined patients already diagnosed with an Axis I or II disorder, and patients who had low self-esteem.
8 Examples of Self-Esteem Issues
There are, of course, many issues that are related to self-esteem. Those with low self-esteem often see themselves as failures, and they might also feel sad, angry, or worthless.
According to Webber (2019), low self-esteem can affect everything in your life, from your relationships to your career.
Some common examples of low self-esteem might include:
- Hating yourself or feeling angry or frustrated about who you are
- Being obsessed with being perfect
- Hating your body
- Feeling worthless
- Being overly sensitive
- Feeling anxious and fearful
- Constantly feeling angry
- Trying to be a people pleaser
Those who hate themselves or loathe themselves often feel angry or frustrated about who they are. Self-hate means you have difficulty forgiving yourself for even the smallest things.
To silence that inner critic, you have to start replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. You also have to practice forgiveness and challenge those negative self-beliefs.
Being obsessed with being perfect can also rob you of self-esteem. For those who continuously try to be perfect, it’s essential to set realistic expectations and recognize that failure is something that happens on occasion. It’s not something we are.
Hating your body is another common sign of low self-esteem. Those who hate their bodies constantly compare themselves to others and have a negative body image. This can even keep someone from living a healthy lifestyle. To combat this, it’s crucial to stop the comparison and realize that you and your body are unique.
Those with low self-esteem might also think they bring nothing to life. They may not see themselves as valuable. Taking the time to focus on your talents and abilities can go a long way toward boosting your self-esteem.
Feeling overly sensitive is another common sign of low self-esteem.
Learning to desensitize is essential for someone experiencing this. By standing up for yourself and being proactive, it is possible to calm this tendency.
Feeling anxious and fearful or constantly feeling angry are other common traits of low self-esteem. Challenging your anxieties and fears with facts can help combat this.
Try drawing up a fear pyramid by placing your biggest fear or anxiety at the top and your smallest one at the bottom. As you examine this pyramid, you can work your way up, taking on each fear or anxiety as you go.
Being a people pleaser is certainly not conducive to having high self-esteem either. Learning how to say no and taking the time to understand that people like you and love you for who you are can help override this tendency. It’s also important to set limits so that you don’t get taken advantage of by others.
Common Questions on the Topic
One of the most common questions about self-esteem is “How can you tell the difference between self-confidence and self-esteem?”
Self-confidence is about having confidence in your ability to do something.
Being self-confident means trusting in yourself and your abilities. Someone who is self-confident can rise to the challenge and seize new opportunities. For example, you can feel confident about your work or your ability as a chef, but still lack self-esteem.
Self-esteem, as we have seen, has to do with your emotional appraisal of your own worth. This feeling can develop over a lifetime, causing a multitude of problems, from bad relationships to feeling belittled by people.
Another common question is “What influences self-esteem?”
There may be many reasons for low self-esteem:
- Age
- Body type
- Gender
- Mental health status
- Race and ethnicity
- Sexual orientation
Research reveals that self-esteem tends to increase from adolescence to middle age. However, it starts to decline again around the age of 60, which may have to do with physical health or financial concerns
Women tend to report lower levels of self-esteem than men, a trend more prevalent in Western cultures.
According to a 2012 study, humor, community involvement, and positive in-group stereotyping were linked to higher levels of self-esteem (Ilic et al., 2012).
Children who are obese or overweight frequently experience bullying and lower levels of self-esteem as well (Danielsen et al., 2012).
Among adolescent students, Asian-Americans tend to have the lowest self-esteem, followed by Hispanics and then whites. African-American students had the highest self-esteem (Bachman, O’Malley, Freedman-Doan, Trzesniewski, & Donnellan, 2011).
Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and/or transgender adolescents also tend to have lower self-esteem brought on by bullying (Russell, Ryan, Toomey, Diaz, & Sanchez, 2011).
8 Skills and Techniques to Add to Your Arsenal
According to Glen R. Schiraldi (2016), author of The Self-Esteem Workbook, there are some simple steps you can take to help build your self-esteem:
- Practice mindfulness.
- Change your story.
- Don’t compare yourself to others.
- Channel that inner rock star.
- Move your body more.
- Volunteer.
- Practice forgiveness.
- Realize that you are not your circumstances.
These may be simple things, but they can be powerful. Being mindful, for example, can help you learn to live in the present moment and not get caught up in worrying about the future or obsessing about the past. Mindfulness also enables you to stop negative self-talk by helping you be more aware.
You can also change your story and start thinking differently. You don’t have to carry the same old sad story around. Taking the time to examine your story can help you understand it and move beyond it.
Comparing yourself to others is a recipe for disaster. Comparisons only lead to feeling worse about yourself. When you stop comparing yourself, you begin to realize you are unique.
When all else fails, you can channel your inner rock star. Everyone has a strength or talent.
No one is good at everything, so taking the time to find your natural talent can help you feel better about yourself.
Exercising can also help you feel better about yourself with the release of your body’s natural endorphins. You might be surprised at how good you feel after a brisk walk.
Doing things like volunteering and practicing forgiveness can also be helpful. Helping others and taking the time to forgive yourself can go a long way to boosting your self-esteem.
Last but certainly not least, it’s important to remember that you are not your circumstances. This too, shall pass.
How We Can Build Self-Esteem in Kids
It’s important to help our children build self-esteem because having healthy self-esteem in your childhood can help you become a more confident adult.
When children feel good about themselves, it paves the way for the future. Children who have low self-esteem may even perform below their full potential in school and make poor decisions (Kids Play and Create, n.
d.).
There are many things you can do to help build up a child’s self-esteem:
- Be attentive.
- Make them feel special.
- Help them learn from their mistakes.
- Be a positive role model.
- Try to understand where they are coming from.
Doing simple things like these can go a long way toward boosting a child’s self-esteem. For example, being attentive can be as simple as making eye contact when your child talks to you or simply paying attention and listening attentively. The best thing you can do to help your child feel special is to make sure that what they have to say is important to you.
Praising a child can also help them feel better about themselves. You can praise them when they do a good job or praise them for completing a small task. When you take the time to compliment or honor a child’s effort, it can go a long way to making then feel special.
We all need to learn from our mistakes continually. Try to help your child turn mistakes into learning events.
Focus on what they can take away and what they can do better next time. You can even tell them a story about someone famous who made mistakes like Thomas Edison, who failed over and over again in the process of inventing the lightbulb.
One of the best things you can do as an adult is to be a positive role model. Children learn from adults. If you are always putting yourself down, you are not going to be a positive role model because children copy adults’ actions.
Taking the time to tune into a child’s feelings when things aren’t going so well can help your child more than you might imagine.
Have a look at these Self-Esteem Books for informative material to help you increase kids’ self-esteem.
A Self-Esteem Building Activity and Exercise
The following list of questions work great as a self-esteem building exercise.
15 Questions to help you feel confident now
According to Emily Roberts (2016), there are some questions you can ask yourself to help boost your self-esteem and help you feel confident now.
You can answer these questions quickly or take more time to ponder. The more time you spend thinking about yourself in this manner, the better you will feel. Sometimes we don’t stop to think about those things we already have that define us.
- What are some things you can do to strengthen or balance your emotions? What can you stop doing?
- How would you feel three months from now if you stuck to your goal? How would your life be different?
- What is one small thing you can do this week that will help you feel more in control of your life?
- What are some things you are passionate about? What kinds of things excite, motivate, or interest you? What can you do to feed these passions daily or weekly?
- Think of some times when you felt motivated and confident. What were you doing? Who were you with? Where were you?
- What kinds of things can you do to start developing a stronger relationship with yourself? What kinds of things do you feel you need to overcome so that you can get closer to self-acceptance and confidence?
- Do you have relationship problems with your family, friends, or coworkers? What are your options to overcome them?
- What kinds of activities excite you? Which ones make you feel happy? How can you integrate more joyful and exciting activities into the next couple of days?
- What habits, if any, do you need to change in order to improve your happiness and confidence this year? What is one habit that you can start to work on in the next couple of days? What would it feel like to do this every day?
- What can you start doing, or stop doing, to deepen your relationships with friends and loved ones?
- Who are the people in your life who are supportive and will help you nurture your dreams and goals? How can you spend more time with them?
- What stands between you and feeling happy? What steps can you take to bridge the gap?
- In terms of money and finances, what kinds of changes could you make to feel more confident financially?
- How can you reduce your expenses this month? How would this make you feel about yourself?
- What would it feel like if you stuck to one healthy habit for the next few months? How could that improve your life?
Don’t get stressed if you can’t answer all of the questions.
Just complete the ones you feel comfortable answering and revisit the list later. The more you work on these, the more confident you will feel.
Useful Self-Esteem Tool (incl. PDF)
One useful worksheet that may help examine self-esteem issues is the About Me Worksheet (Therapist Aid, n.d.). This worksheet helps children learn to focus on and explore their positive traits and accomplishments, as opposed to always focusing on the negative things.
As a result of focusing on the good things, children can build a foundation to help them gain the confidence they need to face their problems and implement new skills.
You can do this activity along with your child to help nudge them in the right direction.
An Assessment and Questionnaire
A simple quiz that you can do for self-esteem involves asking ten simple questions (Mirror Mirror, n.d.).
This self-esteem quiz is not meant to diagnose any psychological disorder but is good for gauging how someone feels about themselves.
If you score on the low end, that might mean you need to practice more self-love or self-compassion.
Answer the following questions with “most of the time,” “some of the time,” or “almost never.”
- My feelings get easily hurt.
- I get upset if someone criticizes me, even if they mean well and offer constructive criticism.
- I get angry at myself if I make a small mistake, even if it is an honest one.
- I typically ask other people what they think I should do, instead of making my own decisions.
- I typically go along with the group, even if I don’t necessarily agree.
- I am uncomfortable when accepting compliments.
- I don’t feel like I measure up or feel good enough.
- It’s common for me to self-criticize or say negative things about myself, like telling myself I am stupid, fat, or just no good.
- When I look in the mirror, I don’t like what I see and don’t feel attractive.
- I find myself apologizing for things all of the time, even for things that aren’t my fault.
If you answered “almost never” for most of the questions, you have a healthy self-esteem. Everyone has times when they feel down, but as long as you don’t feel like that every day, you will be fine.
If you answered “most of the time” to many of the questions, you may need to take some additional steps to boost your self-esteem. This doesn’t necessarily mean you are depressed; it just means you may be a little too hard on yourself.
If you answered “some of the time” to many of the questions, you could still benefit from practicing a little self-compassion and self-love.
A Take-Home Message
Everyone suffers from low self-esteem every once in a while. Most people bounce back eventually. Each of us is born with infinite potential and equal worth as human beings. With a little self-compassion and self-love, there are no limits to what we can achieve.
Taking the time to understand the tools that are out there can help you boost your self-esteem when you feel down.
Simply taking the time to recognize these times can help you move forward and feel better.
We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Self Compassion Exercises for free.
- Bachman, J. G., O’Malley, P. M., Freedman-Doan, P., Trzesniewski, K. H., & Donnellan, M. B. (2011). Adolescent self-esteem: Differences by race/ethnicity, gender, and age. Self and Identity, 10(4), 445–473.
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Los Angeles. (n.d.). Build self-esteem. Retrieved from http://cogbtherapy.com/build-self-esteem
- Griffioen, B. T., van der Vegt, A. A., de Groot, I. W., & de Jongh, A. (2017). The effect of EMDR and CBT on low self-esteem in a general psychiatric population: A randomized controlled trial. Frontiers in Psychology, 8, 1910.
- Danielsen, Y. S., Stormark, K. M., Nordhus, I. H., Mæhle, M., Sand, L., Ekornås, B., & Pallesen, S. (2012). Factors associated with low self-esteem in children with overweight.
Obesity Facts, 5(5), 722–733. - Good Therapy. (2018, January 5). Self-esteem. Retrieved from https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/self-esteem
- Hewitt, J. P. (2005). The social construction of self-esteem. In C. R. Snyder & S. J. Lopez (Eds.), Handbook of positive psychology (pp. 135–148). Oxford University
- Ilic, M., Reinecke, J., Bohner, G., Hans-Onno, R., Beblo, T., Driessen, M., … Corrigan, P. W. (2012). Protecting self-esteem from stigma: A test of different strategies for coping with the stigma of mental illness. International Journal of Social Psychiatry, 58(3), 246–257.
- Kids Play and Create. (n.d.). Self esteem and character building activities for kids. Retrieved from https://www.kidsplayandcreate.com/self-esteem-character-building-activities-for-kids/
- Linehan, M. (1993). Skills training manual for treating borderline personality disorder. Guilford Press.
- Mirror Mirror.
(n.d.). Quiz for self-esteem. Retrieved from https://www.mirror-mirror.org/quiz-for-self-esteem.htm - Optimum Performance Institute. (n.d.). Use Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) FAST skills to balance keeping relationships with keeping respect for yourself. Retrieved from https://www.optimumperformanceinstitute.com/dbt-treatment/dbt-fast-skills-explained/
- Roberts, E. (2016, January 15). Feel confident now: Ask yourself these 15 questions. Healthy Place. Retrieved from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/buildingselfesteem/2016/01/feel-confident-now-ask-yourself-these-15-questions
- Russell, S. T., Ryan, C., Toomey, R. B., Diaz, R. M., & Sanchez, J. (2011). Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender adolescent school victimization: Implications for young adult health and adjustment. Journal of School Health, 81(5), 223–230.
- Schiraldi, G. R. (2016). The self-esteem workbook. New Harbinger.
- Therapist Aid. (n.d.) About me: Self-esteem sentence completion.
Retrieved August 20, 2021, from https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/self-esteem-sentence-completion - Webber, C. (2019, September 18). 8 ways to overcome low self-esteem. NetDoctor. Retrieved from https://www.netdoctor.co.uk/healthy-living/wellbeing/a25866/how-to-overcome-low-self-esteem/
How to increase self-esteem and become self-confident
The level of self-esteem is formed in childhood, but with age it can change. Imagine the situation: you have graduated, received a red diploma, are young and confident in your abilities. Got a dream job, but your boss turned out to be a tyrant. He asks more from you than from others, and is always dissatisfied with the work. So self-confidence can disappear, and if it lasts a long time, then self-esteem can “roll” down.
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Self-esteem, in turn, affects self-confidence.
Uncertainty prevents you from building a career and achieving success. If two people come to the interview - one with great experience and knowledge, and the other self-confident, then they are more likely to take the second one. He will achieve his goals faster and will not be afraid of difficulties.
You can and should work on increasing self-esteem and self-confidence. These are essential ingredients for success in life.
What is the difference between self-esteem and self-confidence
Self-esteem and confidence are different concepts, but they are closely related.
Self-esteem determines the level of attitude towards oneself. This is a personal subjective assessment of one's appearance, beliefs and achievements, which is formed in comparison with others. Self-confidence is an attitude towards one's ability to perform various functions and tasks.
| Self-assessment | Confidence |
I'm ugly. I am very handsome. | I can not do it. I can do that. |
| I still don’t understand how I could have been hired for this job, I’m not such a strong specialist compared to others. I'm not even surprised that they took me, because I did so much for this. | I will no longer speak at conferences, the last time I did it badly. Yes, I did not have the best performance, but I worked on the mistakes and am ready to try again. |
Both indicators can change depending on the situation. For example, you received a good review from a client, it gave you strength, and for a while you felt an increase in self-esteem. Or, on the contrary, you received a negative comment on your work, this negatively affected your self-confidence.
Seven Ways to Increase Self-Esteem and Confidence
There are many methods for increasing self-esteem: some are aimed at the long term, others are aimed at the result in the moment.
In both cases, regularity and constant work on oneself are important.
Spend more time on physical condition
During exercise, feel-good hormones are produced - oxytocin, dopamines and endorphins. The mood improves, which is reflected in the attitude towards oneself. By the way, sports achievements also increase confidence.
In addition, regular physical activity brings the body into good shape, including posture. We paid attention to how self-confident people walk - always with a straight back, and not clamped.
Maintain discipline
The ability to plan and execute tasks is a useful skill. When a person acts chaotically, he, firstly, does not have time to track and evaluate the importance of the work done. Secondly, he often takes on more than he can handle. This makes it bad or not at all.
Find a convenient planner for yourself: an application for your phone, a diary, or even a regular sheet from a notebook, and write down a to-do list for the day.
Then look at it and evaluate with a "sober" look - whether all the tasks can be completed today.
Focus on strengths
A quick way to boost self-esteem is to praise yourself. To know what to praise for, write down your strengths. You don’t need to look for superpowers in yourself, the ability to make delicious coffee in the morning or immediately get up after the alarm goes off is quite suitable.
Re-read the list regularly and do not forget to praise yourself for the fact that you can do all this.
Analyze achievements
Learn to analyze your achievements and benefit from them. For example, you made a presentation in front of colleagues for the first time. Benefit: Now has public speaking experience. This item can be added to the list of your strengths. By analyzing your achievements, you realize that you are indeed becoming stronger.
Take Advantage of Failure
Failure is one of the factors that greatly affects self-confidence, so it is important to learn how to work with it.
It is not necessary to perceive failure negatively, it is better to learn from it. For example, you have been preparing for a tender for several months: you have studied information, analyzed a lot, made presentations. As a result, you did not receive a project.
Bad course of action: get upset and never agree to participate in tenders again. A good option is to analyze why you were rejected. Benefit - during the preparation, I learned useful statistics that will come in handy in my work, once again I “pumped” in the field of performances and protection of my work.
Don't delay
Insecure people with low self-esteem often take a long time to make decisions: they are tormented by doubts.
Try using the five second rule. It consists in the fact that for any idea that comes to mind, you need to take it immediately.
If you still miss the moment and start thinking about other solutions, then always choose the first option. In time, you will stop doubting.
Watch your appearance
It's hard to feel confident when you have a wrinkled shirt or a stain on your trousers. The reflection in the mirror should inspire you, so do not be too lazy in the morning to devote more time to caring for your appearance. A well-groomed and stylishly dressed person often receives compliments, which also affect self-esteem.
Svetlana Kaprielova Author of the media portal of the Russian School of Management10 Self-Esteem Activities
Before watching these 10 Self-Esteem Activities, I suggest you watch this video by David Cantone in which he gives us a series of tips to help us increase our self-esteem and keep it high.
[Video length 15 minutes]
David begins by explaining to us the importance of appreciating ourselves in order to open up more opportunities in life:
We now suggest the following 10 self-esteem activities: [If you wish, you can supplement the information in this article with this other : https://www.recursosdeautoayuda.com/como-podemos-mejorar-la-autoestima/]
1) Spending time with someone every day.
Man is social by nature. A lonely person is less likely to achieve a satisfactory level of mental well-being. The goal is for you to have a pleasant time and exchange experiences and opinions.
3 basic requirements:
* That the people you associate with are positive. It's hard not to feel bad when you constantly feel like you're being criticized or surrounded by people who constantly complain.
* That they appreciate you for who you are.
* Make sure you have supportive people around you to counter criticism from negative people.
2) Exercise.
It can be a simple walk, although if it's an aerobic activity, it's much better. Exercise causes your brain to release more endorphins, neurotransmitters that increase your sense of well-being and therefore your self-esteem.
If it can be an exercise that you do together, much better.
3) Read the book.
Books are a window into other worlds, other characters, other points of view that enrich you as a person and make you look at life in a new way. Sometimes a book can feel like psychotherapy.
4) Sleep long enough to clear your mind.
Some people need 8 hours of sleep, others need 6. A rested mind is safer from everyday problems.
5) Write a diary.
Write down what you did well that day.
This will help you identify and remember your strengths. If something bad happened to you, look for the positive side.
6) Change the image if necessary.
Take a shower, go to the salon and buy yourself some new clothes. A simple transformation can be effective.
7) Start the day right.
If you wake up depressed, take the time to shower and get ready. When you are done, you will feel better. Looking good on the outside helps you feel good on the inside.
8) Do not use drugs to feel better.
Here I also include tobacco and alcohol. If you learn to fight without resorting to such things, your self-esteem will increase significantly. There are no short cuts to face life, and in the end such things require very expensive bills in the form of great suffering.
9) Engage in community activities.
By social work I mean some type of course (dance, Pilates.
