Early signs of narcissistic personality disorder

9 Signs You’re Dating a Narcissist — and How to Deal with Them

Individuals who have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) believe they are superior and unique compared to others. Signs you could be dating an individual with NPD include the fact that they have very few or no friends, lack empathy, and often gaslight you.

When someone posts one too many selfies on their social media or talks about themselves constantly during a first date, you might call them a narcissist.

But a true narcissist is someone who has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Individuals who have NPD believe they are superior and unique compared to others, and they expect to be recognized and treated as such.

They are often unable to recognize the opinions and needs of others and are dismissive of others’ problems.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) lists nine criteria for NPD, but it specifies that someone only needs to meet five of them to clinically qualify as a narcissist.

grandiose sense of self-importance
preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
the belief they’re special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions
need for excessive admiration
sense of entitlement
interpersonally exploitative behavior
lack of empathy
envy of others or a belief that others are envious of them
demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes

What it boils down to, according to licensed therapist Rebecca Weiler, LMHC, is selfishness at the expense of others, plus the inability to consider others’ feelings at all.

Like most mental health or personality disorders, there are varying degrees of NPD severity.

“Narcissism falls on a spectrum,” says Beverly Hills family and relationship psychotherapist Dr. Fran Walfish, the author of “The Self-Aware Parent. ”

In outpatient settings, for example, people who have a narcissistic personality disorder may be high functioning and relatable, but in the inpatient settings, they can be aggressive and challenging. A person’s aggression typically indicates the severity of the disorder.

Additionally, people who have NPD often experience other physical and mental health conditions, like substance use disorder and anxiety, which may further complicate close relationships.

All that said, knowing the “official” diagnostic criteria doesn’t usually make it easier to spot someone with NPD, especially when you’re romantically involved with one. A qualified expert will typically have to administer a standard psychiatric interview to determine if someone has NPD.

Still, knowing the signs of NPD may help give your relationship some context. Here are some signs to look out for and tips to handle them.

People who have NPD gravitate toward grandiosity and fantasy. Your relationship might have felt like a fairytale at first — maybe they complimented you constantly or told you they loved you within the first month.

Maybe they tell you how smart you are or emphasize how compatible you are, even if you just started seeing each other.

“Narcissists think that they deserve to be with other people who are special, and that special people are the only ones who can appreciate them fully,” says Nedra Glover Tawwab, LCSW, the founder of Kaleidoscope Counseling in Charlotte, North Carolina.

Weiler’s advice: If someone came on too strong at the beginning, be wary. Sure, we all love to feel lusted for. But real love has to be nurtured and grown.

“If you think it’s too early for them to really love you, it probably is. Or if you feel like they don’t know enough about you to actually love you, they probably don’t,” Weiler says.

People with NPD will try to manufacture superficial connections early on in a relationship.

People with NPD have an inflated sense of self-importance and are prone to exaggerating achievements and expecting to be recognized as superior.

“Narcissists love to constantly talk about their own accomplishments and achievements with grandiose,” says psychotherapist Jacklyn Krol, LCSW, of Mind Rejuvenation Therapy. “They do this because they feel better and smarter than everyone else, and also because it helps them create an appearance of being self-assured.”

Clinical psychologist Dr. Angela Grace, PhD, MEd, BFA, BEd, adds that narcissists will often exaggerate their accomplishments and embellish their talents in these stories in order to gain adoration from others.

They’re also too busy talking about themselves to listen to you.

The warning is two-part here, says Grace. First, your partner won’t stop talking about themselves, and second, your partner won’t engage in conversation about you.

Consider these questions: What happens when you do talk about yourself? Do they ask follow-up questions and express interest to learn more about you? Or do they make it about them?

Narcissists may seem like they’re super self-confident. But according to Tawwab, most people with NPD actually lack self-esteem and require excessive attention and admiration.

“They need a lot of praise, and if you’re not giving it to them, they’ll fish for it,” she says. That’s why they’re constantly looking at you to tell them how great they are.

“Narcissists use other people — people who are typically highly empathic — to supply their sense of self-worth and make them feel powerful. But because of their low self-esteem, their egos can be slighted very easily, which increases their need for compliments,” adds Shirin Peykar, LMFT.

“The main difference between folks who are confident and those with NPD is that narcissists need others to lift them up, and lift themselves up only by putting others down. Two things people with high self-confidence do not do,” Peykar says.

As Weiler explains it, “Narcissists punish everyone around them for their lack of self-confidence.”

Lack of empathy, or the ability to feel how another person is feeling, is one of the hallmark characteristics of a narcissist, Walfish says. People who have NPD are often unable to apologize and understand the feelings and perspectives of others.

“Narcissists lack the skill to make you feel seen, validating, understood, or accepted, because they don’t grasp the concept of feelings,” she says.

Does your partner care when you’ve had a bad day at work, fight with your best friend, or scuffle with your parents? Or do they get bored when you express the things making you mad and sad?

Walfish says this inability to empathize, or even sympathize, is often the reason why many, if not all, relationships of people with NPD eventually collapse, whether they’re romantic or not.

It’s common for people with NPD to have frequent conflicts with others. Dig deeper into their connections and you may notice they have few close friends.

On top of this, people with NPD can be hypersensitive and insecure. As a result, they might lash out when you want to hang out with other people.

They might claim that you don’t spend enough time with them, make you feel guilty for spending time with your friends, or berate you for the types of friends you have.

Questions to ask yourself

“How does my partner treat someone they don’t want anything from?”
“Does my partner have any long-term friends?”
“Do they have or talk about wanting a nemesis?”

Maybe, at first, it felt like teasing, but then it became mean. Suddenly, everything you do, from what you wear and eat to who you hang out with and what you watch on TV, is a problem for them.

Antagonism and hostility are well-documented traits in people who have NPD, and their toll on other people is large.

“They’ll put you down, call you names, hit you with hurtful one-liners, and make jokes that aren’t quite funny,” Peykar says. “Their goal is to lower others’ self-esteem so that they can increase their own because it makes them feel powerful.”

What’s more, reacting to what they say may only reinforce their behavior. “A narcissist loves a reaction,” Peykar says. That’s because it shows them they have the power to affect another’s emotional state.

A warning sign: If they knock you down with insults when you do something worth celebrating, get yourself out of there.

“A narcissist might say ‘You were able to do that because I didn’t sleep well’ or some excuse to make it seem like you have an advantage that they didn’t have,” Tawwab says.

They want you to know that you’re not better than them. Because, to them, nobody is.

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation and emotional abuse, and it’s a hallmark of narcissism. People with NPD may tell blatant lies, falsely accuse others, spin the truth, and ultimately distort your reality — especially in response to perceived challenges of authority or fear of abandonment.

Signs of gaslighting include the following:

You no longer feel like the person you used to be.
You feel more anxious and less confident than you used to be.
You often wonder if you’re being too sensitive.
You feel like everything you do is wrong.
You always think it’s your fault when things go wrong.
You’re apologizing often.
You have a sense that something’s wrong, but aren’t able to identify what it is.
You often question whether your response to your partner is appropriate.
You make excuses for your partner’s behavior.

“They do this to cause others to doubt themselves as a way to gain superiority. Narcissists thrive off of being worshipped, so they use manipulation tactics to get you to do just that,” Peykar says.

People with NPD are often described as being arrogant and having haughty behaviors or attitudes. That’s why fighting with a narcissist may feel impossible.

“There is no debating or compromising with a narcissist, because they are always right,” Tawwab says. “They won’t necessarily see a disagreement as a disagreement. They’ll just see it as them teaching you some truth.”

According to Peykar, you may be dating a narcissist if you feel like your partner:

doesn’t hear you
won’t understand you
doesn’t take responsibility for their part in an issue
doesn’t ever try to compromise

While ending the relationship is the best game plan with someone who has NPD, Weiler advises avoiding negotiation and arguments.

“The thing that drives a narcissist crazy is the lack of control and the lack of a fight. The less you fight back, the less power you can give them over you, the better,” she says.

And because they never think they’re wrong, they rarely apologize.

People with NPD are extremely vulnerable to humiliation and shame, and they often lash out at others when they feel their self-esteem has taken a hit.

If you insist you’re done with the relationship, they’ll make it their goal to hurt you for abandoning them, Peykar says.

“Their ego is so severely bruised that it causes them to feel rage and hatred for anyone who ‘wronged’ them. That’s because everything is everyone else’s fault. Including the breakup,” she adds.

If you’re in a relationship with someone who has NPD, chances are you’ve already experienced quite a bit.

Being in a relationship with someone who’s constantly criticizing, belittling, gaslighting, and not committing to you may feel emotionally exhausting.

How to prepare for the breakup

Constantly remind yourself you deserve better.
Strengthen your relationships with your empathetic friends.
Build a support network with friends and family who can help remind you what is reality.
Urge your partner to talk with a therapist.
See a therapist yourself.

“You cannot change a person with NPD or make them happy by loving them enough or by changing yourself to meet their whims and desires. They will never be in tune with you, never empathic to your experiences, and you will always feel empty after an interaction with them,” Grace says.

“Narcissists can’t feel fulfilled in relationships, or in any area of their lives, because nothing is ever special enough for them,” she adds.

Essentially, you’ll never be enough for them, because they’re never enough for themselves.

“The best thing you can do is cut ties. Offer them no explanation. Offer no second chance. Break up with them, and offer no second, third, or fourth chance,” Grace says.

Because someone with NPD will most likely make attempts at contacting you and harassing you with calls or texts once they’ve fully processed the rejection, Krol recommends blocking them to help you stick to your decision.

Remember: This article isn’t meant to diagnose your partner.

Instead, this article is meant to outline unacceptable behaviors and reactions in the context of a loving, equitable partnership. Having one or six of these signs doesn’t make your partner a narcissist. Rather, it’s a good cause for re-evaluating whether or not you’re thriving in your relationship.

Gabrielle Kassel is a rugby-playing, mud-running, protein-smoothie-blending, meal-prepping, CrossFitting, New York–based wellness writer. She’s become a morning person, tried the Whole30 challenge, and eaten, drunk, brushed with, scrubbed with, and bathed with charcoal, all in the name of journalism. In her free time, she can be found reading self-help books, bench-pressing, or practicing hygge. Follow her on Instagram.

12 Signs You Might Have Narcissistic Victim Syndrome

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a complex mental health condition that typically involves a grandiose or inflated sense of self and an extreme need for admiration and attention, among other symptoms.

People with NPD or narcissistic tendencies sometimes show a pattern of manipulative, controlling behavior that involves both verbal abuse and emotional manipulation.

Common types of narcissistic manipulation include:

Triangulation. Someone using this tactic will try to pull a third person into your conflict, typically to reinforce their own opinion or position.
Gaslighting. Someone trying to gaslight you tries to get you to doubt your own perspective and reality, often by twisting facts or insisting things you remember didn’t actually happen.
Hoovering. This tactic involves attempts to reconnect, or pull you back into a toxic or abusive relationship.
Silent treatment. This behavior becomes manipulative when someone purposely ignores you to control you or make you feel isolated.
Scapegoating. Parents who use narcissistic manipulation may place all the blame on one child they designate as a scapegoat.
Passive aggression. Indirect blame-shifting, sabotage, and sarcasm can all point to covert narcissistic manipulation.

These tactics can confuse you, make you question your sense of reality, and damage your self-esteem.

Narcissistic victim syndrome is a term that collectively describes the specific and often severe effects of narcissistic manipulation. While this isn’t a recognized mental health condition, many experts acknowledge narcissistic abuse can have a serious, long lasting impact on mental health.

Keep in mind that abuse and narcissism aren’t always related. A diagnosis of NPD doesn’t automatically translate to abusive behavior, and many people who engage in abuse don’t have NPD.

Regardless, a mental health diagnosis never excuses abusive behavior. People choose to abuse and manipulate others, and it’s possible to live with traits of narcissism, or any personality disorder, without becoming abusive.

With that in mind, here are 12 signs that might suggest you’ve experienced narcissistic abuse.

Narcissistic abuse tends to follow a clear pattern, though this pattern might look a little different depending on the type of relationship.

Research from 2019 suggests that in a romantic relationship, this abuse typically begins slowly after you’ve fallen hard and fast.

It’s no wonder you fell for them. During the love-bombing phase, they seemed loving, kind, and generous. They made you feel special and adored with gushy compliments, affectionate displays, and expensive gifts.

This early stage might have felt so intense and overwhelming you never stopped to consider whether they might be too fantastic. Then slowly, negging or other manipulative tactics began to replace the gifts and declarations of love.

Narcissistic parents might also offer love, adoration, praise, and financial support until you do something to displease them and lose their favor. Then they, too, often turn to tactics like negging, silent treatment, and gaslighting.

Narcissistic manipulation and abuse are often subtle. In public, these behaviors might be so well disguised that others hear or see the same behaviors and fail to recognize them as abuse.

You might not even fully understand what’s happening. You only know you feel confused, upset, or even guilty for your “mistakes.”

A narcissistic parent might gently say, “Are you sure you want to eat dessert?” Or they might turn a broken dish into a joke at your expense: “You’re so clumsy. You just can’t help yourself, can you?” They laugh with everyone in the room while patting your shoulder to make the insult seem well-intentioned.

You would hope friends and loved ones believe you. But, unfortunately, this doesn’t always happen. Your loved ones might not doubt your belief you were abused, but they might question your perception of events or assure you, “You must have misunderstood them. They’d never hurt you intentionally.”

This doubt can be doubly harmful. Not only does it dismantle your faith in your loved ones, but it can also lead you to wonder whether the abuse took place after all. Maybe you did read too much into their words or just imagined that look on their face.

People with narcissistic traits often need to maintain their image of perfection in order to keep earning admiration from others. To do this, they may try making you look bad.

Once you begin pointing out problems or questioning their behavior, they might lash out by:

openly directing their rage toward you with insults and threats
involving others in criticizing you

By telling stories to your loved ones that twist the facts about your “harmful” or “unstable” behavior, the narcissist tries to discredit you. Even worse, when you react angrily (who wouldn’t?), they can use your response to back up their lies.

People with narcissism often have a knack for charming others. That persona they showed you in the beginning? Everyone else sees that still.

They can often win support from your loved ones (who haven’t seen through the facade) by insisting they only have your best interests at heart. Then, when you try explaining the abuse, your loved ones might side with them.

If your loved ones don’t understand, you’ll likely feel pretty alone — which only increases your vulnerability to further narcissistic manipulation. The person abusing you may pull you back in with kindness, even apologies, or by pretending the abuse never happened.

“Hoovering,” as it’s often called, tends to work better when you lack support. You’re more likely to doubt your perceptions of the abuse when you can’t talk with anyone about it.

If your loved ones reach out to say you’ve made a mistake and encourage you to give the abusive partner another chance, you might end up doing so simply to regain your closeness with family and friends.

People respond to abuse and other trauma in different ways.

You might attempt to confront the abusive person (fight) or escape the situation (flight). If these methods don’t work or you feel unable to use them, you might respond by freezing or fawning.

The freeze response usually happens when you feel helpless. It often involves dissociation since emotionally distancing yourself from the abuse can help decrease its intensity, effectively numbing some of the pain and distress you experience.

Freezing can have some benefits in certain situations, but it doesn’t help much when you can escape from danger. Yet if you believe there’s no way out of the relationship, you might remain in it — and perhaps even respond by fawning, or working to keep your partner happy.

A pattern of devaluation and criticism can leave you with very little self-esteem and confidence.

Narcissistic manipulation often involves frequent implications that you make bad decisions and can’t do anything right. An abusive partner may call you stupid or ignorant outright, often with a falsely affectionate tone: “Honey, you’re so dumb. How would you manage without my help?”

Over time, you might start absorbing these insults and attaching them to your self-perception, constantly second-guessing yourself as a result.

Gaslighting tactics can also make you doubt your decision-making abilities. (Here’s how to respond.)

If someone manipulates you into believing you imagined things that actually took place, you might continue doubting your perception of events. This uncertainty can affect your ability to make decisions well into the future.

A key characteristic of narcissism is difficulty taking responsibility for any negative actions or harmful behavior.

Abusive partners typically find some way to cast blame on you instead. They might accomplish this through deceit, often by:

insisting they said something you have no recollection of
getting so angry you end up soothing them by apologizing and agreeing you were wrong.

Say you suspect they’ve cheated on you. You explain the concerning behaviors you’ve noticed and ask if something’s going on.

A partner using narcissistic manipulation might respond with extreme anger. They may respond with accusations of their own and redirect blame, saying things that are intended to hurt and belittle you.

These barrages of rage can leave you feeling helpless and dependent, grateful they’re willing to remain with someone who makes so many mistakes.

Even after leaving the relationship, you might carry forward the belief you can’t do anything right. When things go wrong in other areas of life, you might start to blame yourself for causing those problems.

Abuse can trigger anxious and nervous feelings that sometimes lead to physical symptoms.

You might notice:

appetite changes
upset stomach or nausea
stomach pain and other gastrointestinal distress
muscle aches and pains
insomnia
fatigue

Using alcohol and other substances can sometimes seem like a helpful way to manage these symptoms, especially insomnia. As a result, you might end up consuming more than you’d like in an effort to manage unwanted feelings or physical distress.

Narcissistic abuse can sometimes be unpredictable. You may not know whether they’re going to criticize you or surprise you with a gift.

If you don’t know what someone will do or say at any given moment, you might develop a lot of tension from needing to regularly prepare yourself to face conflict.

Worries about the constant stream of criticism and how to best handle the abusive behaviors you’re beginning to recognize can also leave you constantly on edge. You may not know how to relax anymore since you may not feel safe letting your guard down.

When facing abuse, many people eventually adjust their self-identity to accommodate an abusive partner.

Say your partner insists, “When you go out with your friends, you’re telling me you don’t love me. You’d rather see them instead.”

Of course, you love them, so you stop going out with your friends. Next, you give up your hobbies, skip after-work happy hour with co-workers, and eventually cancel your weekly visit with your sister. You spend time doing what your partner wants to do, so they know you really do care.

These changes often lead to a loss of your sense of self, which can leave you feeling lost and empty. You might have a hard time enjoying life and lose sight of your sense of purpose.

Someone engaging in narcissistic abuse often has little respect for boundaries. When you try to set or enforce limits, they might challenge them, completely ignore them, or give you the silent treatment until you do what they want. Eventually, you might give up on your boundaries entirely.

Once you end the relationship or get distance from a narcissistic parent, you promise yourself you won’t answer their calls and texts or see them at all.

If they know they can eventually wear you down, though, they might not let you go easily. Instead, they’ll keep calling and texting in the hopes of getting you to set aside your boundaries again.

If you’ve experienced narcissistic abuse, you might also have trouble setting healthy boundaries in your relationships with others.

Anxiety and depression commonly develop as a result of narcissistic abuse.

The significant stress you face can trigger persistent feelings of worry, nervousness, and fear, especially when you never know what to expect from their behavior.

You might feel hopeless or worthless, lose interest in things that used to bring you joy, and have a hard time seeing hopeful outcomes for the future.

It’s also common to have a lot of confusion over what caused them to change so abruptly, especially if you don’t know much about narcissistic manipulation.

You might shoulder the blame for the abuse, perhaps believing their accusations that you must not care about them enough or blaming yourself for falling for their deception in the first place. Either can add to feelings of worthlessness and further diminish self-esteem.

Any kind of abuse can take a significant toll on mental and physical health. If your loved ones still doubt you or tell you to just move on, you may feel unheard and unsupported. This can make it hard to trust people again, leaving you feeling isolated and alone.

Whether you’re just beginning to notice the first signs of narcissistic manipulation or still trying to make sense of an abusive relationship you’ve already left, therapy can help you begin healing.

Therapy offers a safe space to:

learn coping strategies to manage mental health symptoms
practice setting healthy boundaries
explore ways to rebuild your sense of self

A therapist who specializes in abuse recovery can validate your experience, help you understand that you aren’t at fault, and offer support through the early stages of recovery.

Get help now

You can also get emergency support 24 hours a day, 7 days a week from the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

For free, confidential help:

call 800-799-7233
text LOVEIS to 866-331-9474
chat online

Crystal Raypole writes for Healthline and Psych Central. Her fields of interest include Japanese translation, cooking, natural sciences, sex positivity, and mental health, along with books, books, and more books. In particular, she’s committed to helping decrease stigma around mental health issues. She lives in Washington with her son and a lovably recalcitrant cat.

What is narcissistic personality disorder, how to recognize it and can it be corrected

The label "narcissist" is often used to refer to people who seem self-confident, spend a lot of time talking about themselves, their success and career. However, this feature is much more complicated than it seems. A sense of confidence, a desire to share our achievements, and a desire for praise are quite adequate traits inherent in many of us. But sometimes it develops into a manic obsession with oneself or narcissism, which greatly interfere with establishing social connections, building a career and maintaining healthy relationships with loved ones. Zaborona journalist Polina Vernigor figured out when to sound the alarm, how to identify narcissistic personality disorder, and how to deal with narcissists.

What is narcissism?

This is a feature of the psyche, in which a person considers himself better than others, as well as generally unique and unsurpassed. It's about craving gratitude or admiration, wanting to be the center of attention, and expecting special treatment.

The Narcissistic Personality Inventory (NPI), developed in 1979, is the most common way to measure this trait. The scores range from 0 to 40. Healthy people who score just over half of the scores may seem very attractive, especially during the first meeting, but end up coming off as arrogant. Such people may have uncomfortable or stressful personal relationships, but at the same time they remain fundamentally healthy personalities.

Honoré Daumier The Belle Narcissus, 1842

Is this normal at all?

Basically yes. In fact, this is why we use the term “healthy people” in the previous section: narcissism is a collection of traits, and as long as it remains only on the scale of a person’s character, it does not pose a big problem. At least it does not require a decision in the office of a clinical psychologist - unlike narcissistic personality disorder.

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

And this is a psychiatric diagnosis. People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are in love with an idealized grandiose image of themselves. And they fall in love with this exaggerated self-image precisely because it enables them to avoid deep feelings of insecurity. But supporting their megalomaniacs takes a lot of work, and that's where manipulation and toxicity in relationships comes into play. People with narcissistic personality disorder are self-centered, lack empathy and consideration for others, and depend on praise and hobbies. They can be described as cocky, manipulative, selfish, and overly demanding. This way of thinking and behaving manifests itself in all areas of a narcissist's life, from work and friendships to family and love relationships.

There are many subtypes of NPD—some have been identified and validated by scientific research, while others have been informally named and popularized by various mental health professionals. Because of this, the number of narcissistic subtypes is difficult to count accurately. Although the subtypes cannot be clinically diagnosed, professionals still usually see patterns in the behavior of clients, so they deduce eight subtypes of narcissism.

Salvador Dali Metamorphoses of Narcissus, 1937

Healthy narcissism. It is more positive than negative. The American Psychiatric Association has concluded that for a patient to be clinically diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, they must have at least 55% of the most common features of narcissism. At the same time, many of these features do not fit the classification of mental disorders. That is, if you have less than 55% of the signs of NPD, you are healthy. Psychiatrists believe that narcissistic qualities are inherent in any person to a certain extent. Recognition of your achievements, the desire to share them and receive praise are quite normal things, especially if they improve well-being.

Grandiose narcissism. Such patients are characterized by an overestimation of their abilities, an inflated sense of self-worth and, in fact, an unrealistic feeling of their own superiority over other people. At the same time, grandiose daffodils can be charming, but they often lack compassion. They demand attention, they like to see others offended and confused.

Covert/vulnerable narcissism. Unlike grandiose narcissists, these people tend to be shy and modest. Representatives of this subtype are inhibited, depressed, hypersensitive to evaluations and suffer from chronic envy. They vitally need the recognition of people and protection from criticism. Often covert narcissists feel the most miserable in the world.

Malignant narcissism. Actually they are called malignant, not to be called evil, because it sounds a bit rude. But it is true: they are manipulators with evil intentions, showing signs of sadism and aggression. This is the most dangerous and harmful to others subtype. Throughout their lives, people suffering from this disorder improve their manipulation skills, and therefore, during the first meeting, they may seem very nice and kind.

Sexual narcissism. These patients are overly fond of their own sexual prowess. They may be obsessed with their sexual activity and need for sexual delight from others. Sexual narcissists are serial scammers who use sex to manipulate people and can be aggressive in bed.

Somatic narcissism. Somatic narcissists base their self-esteem on the body. They feel more beautiful, strong or healthy than others. Somatic narcissists are often obsessed with their weight and appearance, as well as criticizing the appearance of others.

Illustration for "Spring of Narcissus" from "The Romance of the Rose", 1380s

Cerebral/intellectual narcissism. Such people derive their sense of self-worth from their minds. It is about the belief that they are smarter than everyone else. To feed their ego, they will try to make others feel stupid.

Spiritual narcissism. Such people often use their spirituality to justify harmful behavior and use spiritual jargon to present themselves in a better light and to show superiority. Often they use vulnerable people to make them believe in their own worthlessness and in the high spirituality of the narcissist himself.

I have NRL. What threatens me?

Narcissists find it difficult to build healthy social bonds. Since the narcissist is overconfident and believes that he is better than others, this can lead to risky behavior. At the same time, such people usually show low levels of empathy, sympathy, shame, and guilt. That is why narcissism does more harm to those who surround the narcissist.

How do I know if I'm talking to a narcissist?

There are the most common and recognizable signs. Remember that only a specialist can make an accurate diagnosis. However, you will need these characteristics to identify such a person in your environment and build a relationship with him that will not harm you.

The main signs of daffodils

Sensation of its own superiority over the other
Manipulative behavior
The need for
Sympathy
Higher -dimensional
concentration of the surrounding
Updrospital sensitivity to criticism

How to deal with narcissists?

The first thing to advise is to break off relations with narcissists, since they are not non-toxic. But there are many situations in which this advice will not work. There are several leading techniques that will help you protect yourself from the influence of such people and build safe communication with them.

Look at the root - Narcissists often try to create an ideal image of themselves. But if you always keep in mind who they really are and remember that they can manipulate or deceive, you will probably not be affected by their "charm".

Talk about yourself and your feelings. This rule works if we are talking about a person from your close circle - a partner or someone from relatives. Narcissists often like to bring the interlocutor to emotions - do not let them do this, do not encourage their behavior. Instead, try to calmly and kindly say what you don't like. Do not blame - use "I-messages": not "you talk a lot about yourself", but "I would like it if you were more interested / interested in my affairs."

But if you notice signs of narcissism in your manager or work colleague, the best way to communicate is not to show emotions and not get into conflicts and arguments, because most likely the person is just waiting. If you give him this, then you will stimulate such behavior in the future.

Caravaggio. Narcissus, 1594-1596

Stand up for clear boundaries. People with narcissistic personality disorder have a poor sense of personal space and boundaries: they may rummage through your belongings, enter your personal space without permission, or do something that will disturb you. In this case, psychologists advise setting ultimatums. For example: "If you don't get your car out of my parking space, I will have to call a tow truck." But at the same time, it is important to keep your promise in order to prove the seriousness of your intentions.

Do not fall for provocations. If the game doesn't go their way, narcissists often manipulate to make you feel awkward. For example, they may try to make you feel guilty or ashamed. Remember that these are just their rules of the game: you don't have to accept them.

Find a source of energy. Communication with a narcissist (especially if it is a malignant narcissist) is very emotionally draining. It is necessary to constantly remember all possible scenarios for the development of events and resist manipulation - this requires considerable effort. To recover quickly, you need a source of energy: start going to sports or art classes, communicate more with people with whom you are pleased and comfortable.

Is it treatable at all?

Yes, psychotherapy. But there is a very important detail: in order to start treatment, the patient's desire is necessary. More often than not, narcissists either don't acknowledge their problem or get carried away by the fact that they are narcissists. However, psychiatrists argue that people with NPD often have problems with socialization, and sometimes this behavior is associated with moral trauma. Therefore, the likelihood that a person will reach a therapist is still there.

How to recognize a person with narcissism

July 19LikbezZdorovye

Psychotherapy may be required even for those who communicate with a narcissist.

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Narcissists are traditionally called narcissists, obsessed with their own person. However, not every narcissist suffers from narcissism.

Narcissistic disorder ^{Specific personality disorders (F60) / ICD-10. personality has well-defined symptoms.}

How to recognize a person with narcissistic personality disorder

Every psychotherapist's handbook, the current edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), lists ^{DSM-IV and DSM-5 Criteria for the Personality Disorders / American Psychiatric Association nine signs of a true narcissist. At the same time, it is enough to make a diagnosis if a person corresponds to only five ^{Narcissistic Personality Disorder / Psychology Today of them.}}

1. Maintains relationships with “special” people

The narcissist always has authoritative, influential acquaintances from circles that are difficult for “mere mortals” to access: businessmen from the top hundred of the Forbes list, brilliant artists, owners of various rarities, close friends and lovers of world famous stars. Well, at least the narcissist himself likes to talk about such connections.

A person with a narcissistic disorder uses the status of acquaintances as a way to increase self-esteem and authority in the eyes of others.

By the way, this is one of the reasons why daffodils seem so attractive, why it is easy to fall in love with them and difficult to leave them. When a person is “with such connections!”, “so sophisticated!” suddenly draws attention to you, it tickles pride very much. It’s as if you are on the same social level with the narcissist’s great acquaintances and begin to feel “special” too. And this is a kind of psychological drug, which is hard to give up.

2. Often talks about his own victories and achievements

Whether it's a controversial moment at work, a conflict in a store or public transport, a random race from a traffic light - the narcissist emerges victorious from any situation. In fact, that's what he tells the people around him.

It is important for Narcissus to demonstrate that he is the best and smartest of all. This helps him feel more confident.

Jacqueline Krol

Psychotherapist, for Healthline online edition

It is typical that stories about victories always proceed in the form of monologues. Narcissists need admiring listeners. As soon as one of them begins to pull the blanket over himself and talk about his own achievements, the person with narcissism gets bored and turns off the conversation.

3. Needs compliments and can't stand criticism

From the outside, the narcissist seems to be an extremely self-confident person. But, as suggested by ^{Nicholas J. S. Day, Michelle L. Townsend & Brin F. S. Grenyer. Living with pathological narcissism: a qualitative study / Borderline Personality Disorder and Emotion Dysregulation, most people with narcissistic personality disorder have severe self-esteem issues.}

That is why they expect constant compliments from others. If admiration is not enough, or worse, the narcissist is criticized, they react very emotionally. Can theatrically exclaim: "I'm not appreciated here!" Often reproaches relatives and colleagues for inattention and callousness. Because of the slightest remark, he may cry or run away, slamming the door and shouting something insulting in the end.

Then, perhaps, he will return to still get recognition from you. For this, the narcissist manipulates guilt: it is not he who is emotionally unrestrained, but you meanly offended him, underestimated and provoked him.

4. Seems to be a dreamer and idealist

Narcissus seems ideal to himself and therefore counts on a special, impeccable life. And if something does not work out, the responsibility for it shifts to the people around.

If there are difficulties in love or family relationships, the partner is to blame: he didn't look the right way, did the wrong thing, didn't appreciate it. “All women are bitches, and I am looking for that one, my soul mate who will understand me” is the demonstrative position of the classic narcissist.

Narcissistic personality disorder more common ^{Eve Caligor, Kenneth N. Levy, Frank E. Yeomans. Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Diagnostic and Clinical Challenges / PsychiatryOnline occurs in men. At risk are young (under 45) unmarried people.}

If it doesn't work out with a career and money, the society is to blame, of course. More precisely, his successful representatives, who (from the point of view of a narcissist) probably achieved their position with the help of influential relatives, through bed, by deceit. Narcissists often oppose themselves to society, emphasizing their status as an unrecognized genius and a lone wolf, disappointed in an imperfect world.

5. Feels worthy of special treatment

This means that the narcissist demands more rights for himself than for others. He will not stand in line - he will find a way to get into the right office or to the counter first, even if it turns into a scandal. He expects priority service at the restaurant. Or he sincerely counts on an “understanding” attitude from his superiors, even if he is late for the fifth time in a week or misses a deadline.

He "needs" to sit at the window, open (or close) the window or do his hobby - instead of washing the dishes, cleaning or going shopping.

The interests of a person with narcissistic personality disorder always come first. People around are encouraged to come to terms with it.

6. Often haughty, shows disrespect for those who are lower in status

One of the features of the classic narcissist is a sense of superiority over others. This is clearly shown in situations where a person suffering from narcissism is faced with the service industry. He can be rude to waiters, wardrobe workers, consultants, petty clerks. Subordinates or those who are younger also suffer from his arrogance.

If the narcissist is reproached for this, he will explain his behavior with shortcomings in the work of the "lower class" and say that he simply demands a little respect for himself.

7. Exploits others

For a narcissist, it is in the order of things to be served, and he is not interested in what forces and at the expense of what this is achieved. For example, in family relationships, he will expect dinner, cleanliness and excellent physical shape from his partner - simply because he “should” (even if he has two jobs, a child and an objective lack of time for sports).

If the partner tries to rebel, discounting, gaslighting and other abuse techniques will be used.

8. Openly manipulates people

Pressing on pity, hitting on feelings of guilt and conscience, twisting the facts and blaming others for what they did not do - this is not a complete list of what the narcissist does to achieve his goals.

It cannot be said that he manipulates consciously. It’s just that this is how his psyche works on justifying himself and blaming others.

9. Not able to empathize

Lack of empathy (sympathy for the experiences and problems of others) is one of the most characteristic signs of a narcissist.

A person with narcissistic personality disorder is completely self-centered. To delve into other people's problems, to provide support for him is simply boring.

This is one of the reasons why narcissists almost never have long-term relationships, either friendships or romantic relationships.

What to do if a person is a narcissist

Narcissism is one of the least studied ^{Eve Caligor, Kenneth N. Levy, Frank E. Yeomans. Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Diagnostic and Clinical Challenges / PsychiatryOnline of Personality Disorders. It is extremely difficult to treat, as narcissists do not usually consider ^{Narcissistic Personality Disorder / Psychology Today that they have mental health problems. On the contrary: they are sure that others have problems, which means that they should be treated.}}

In addition, narcissism is often accompanied by other types of mental disorders - manic-depressive psychosis (bipolar disorder), depression, anxiety and dissocial (sociopathic) disorders. So therapy, even if the narcissist agrees to it, runs the risk of being long and complicated.

What to do if you encounter a narcissist? The least energy-consuming, but also the least humane way is to run away from him.

If you have the opportunity not to take on the solution of other people's psychological problems, it makes sense not to do this.

However, this is not always the case. After all, a colleague, a valuable business partner, a close relative, or even a loved one can be a narcissist. Refusal to communicate will be tantamount to a complete severing of these important ties.

In this case, the only thing left is to persuade the narcissist to see a psychotherapist. The doctor will get to know the patient better and, depending on his condition, will select the most effective type of psychotherapy. Sometimes, in addition to it, ^{Narcissistic personality disorder / Mayo Clinic and medication - antidepressants and antipsychotics may be needed.}

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