How do you know if someone is a compulsive liar
What Is Pathological Lying, and Can It Be Treated?
Written by WebMD Editorial Contributors
Medically Reviewed by Dan Brennan, MD on October 25, 2021
In this Article
- What Is Pathological Lying?
- Characteristics of Pathological Lying
- Treatment for Pathological Lying
People sometimes call someone who lies a lot a “pathological liar.” Frequent dishonesty isn’t a good habit, but it doesn’t fit the official definition of pathological lying.
To be labeled as a pathological liar, a person must lie frequently and for no good reason. Pathological liars harm themselves with their behavior, but they keep doing it despite the consequences.
What Is Pathological Lying?
Psychiatrists have recognized pathological lying as a type of behavior for hundreds of years. It’s also called “pseudologia fantastica” or “mythomania.” It isn’t listed as an official diagnosis in the psychiatric guidebook called the DSM-V. But it is a real and troubling condition.
Lying is a common behavior in humans. When someone tells a lie, there is often a clear reason for them to do so. Lying is a tool that people use to achieve a goal.
Pathological liars often lie without any reason. Their lies are extensive and elaborate. The urge to lie is compulsive. They often can’t control the impulse to make up stories, even when this causes them harm. They may lose jobs and ruin relationships because of their lying.
It isn’t clear whether pathological liars understand that what they say isn’t true. Some people fully believe in the things they say, even when they are clearly false. Other pathological liars will admit that they have been lying only when their lies are proved false.
Pathological lying usually starts when a person is in their teens. They continue the pattern for years. Their lying might become a problem that affects their relationships, career, and family.
Characteristics of Pathological Lying
Pathological lying is different from the occasional lies most people tell.
It’s even different from patterns of dishonesty you might see in someone who’s trying to hide bad habits like infidelity or substance abuse.
Researchers have found that pathological liars tell lies without good reason and without worrying about the consequences. They usually don’t plan to tell the lies. They also make up elaborate stories about themselves. It’s a lifelong behavior, and they can’t control the urge to lie.
Experts look for four main behaviors when trying to figure out if someone is a pathological liar:
Excessive lying.Pathological liars lie more than most people. They may make up stories that sound real enough that other people believe them. They then have to add more lies to back up the original lies. The lies they tell can also be outlandish and easily disproved. They might falsely claim to have received an award or say that still-living family members died.
Lying without good reason. The lies that pathological liars tell differ from lies most people tell because there isn’t a reason for them.
Most people will tell small lies to avoid unpleasant consequences, like saying you were late because of traffic instead of admitting that you overslept. Pathological liars don’t have a clear motive. They tell stories that don’t benefit them and might actually hurt them when the truth comes out.
Long-term problem. Pathological lying happens for years. It begins when a person is young and continues indefinitely and in all areas of life. Their dishonesty might be the thing people remember most about them.
No other mental illness. A pathological liar might have other mental conditions such as depression or anxiety. But that isn’t the cause of their lying. Pathological lying is a condition, not a symptom of something else.
Treatment for Pathological Lying
Treating pathological lying is complicated. No medication will fix the issue. The best option is psychotherapy. But even therapy can pose challenges, because pathological liars aren’t in control of their lying.
They may start telling lies to the therapist instead of addressing the problem directly.
Treatment will depend on what the person needs and what they respond to during therapy sessions. Finding a qualified, experienced therapist who can work with someone over the long term is the key to managing the condition.
If you or someone you know has symptoms of pathological lying, it’s important to get help. A therapist can make a treatment plan to control pathological lying. With time and work, a pathological liar can minimize the effects that their behavior has on themselves and their loved ones.
How to Cope with Someone’s Compulsive Lies
Pathological lying
Pathological lying, also known as mythomania and pseudologia fantastica, is the chronic behavior of compulsive or habitual lying.
Unlike telling the occasional white lie to avoid hurting someone’s feelings or getting in trouble, a pathological liar seems to lie for no apparent reason. This can make it frustrating or hard to know what to do if you believe you’ve met one.
Though pathological lying has been recognized for more than a century, there’s not yet a clear universal definition of the condition.
Some pathological lying may result from a mental condition, such as antisocial personality disorder (sometimes called sociopathy), while others appear to have no medical reason for the behavior.
A pathological liar is someone who lies compulsively. While there appears to be many possible causes for pathological lying, it’s not yet entirely understood why someone would lie this way.
Some lies seem to be told in order to make the pathological liar appear the hero, or to gain acceptance or sympathy, while there’s seemingly nothing to be gained from other lies.
Some evidence from 2007 suggests that issues affecting the central nervous system may predispose someone to pathological lying.
Compulsive lying is also a known trait of some personality disorders, such as antisocial personality disorder. Trauma or head injuries may also play a role in pathological lying, along with an abnormality in hormone-cortisol ratio.
A 2016 study of what happens in the brain when you lie found that the more untruths a person tells, the easier and more frequent lying becomes. The results also indicated that self-interest seems to fuel dishonesty.
Though the study didn’t specifically look at pathological lying, it may give some insight into why pathological liars lie as much and as easily as they do.
The following are some of the scientifically recognized traits and characteristics of pathological liars.
Their lies seem to have no clear benefit
While a person might lie to avoid an uncomfortable situation, such as embarrassment or getting in trouble, a pathological liar tells lies or stories that don’t have an objective benefit.
Friends and family can find this especially frustrating because the person lying doesn’t stand to gain anything from their lies.
The stories they tell are usually dramatic, complicated, and detailed
Pathological liars are great storytellers. Their lies tend to be very detailed and colorful.
Even though obviously over-the-top, the pathological liar may be very convincing.
They usually portray themselves as the hero or victim
Along with being made the hero or victim in their stories, pathological liars tend to tell lies that seem to be geared at gaining admiration, sympathy, or acceptance by others.
They sometimes seem to believe the lies they tell
A pathological liar tells lies and stories that fall somewhere between conscious lying and delusion. They sometimes believe their own lies.
It’s difficult to know how to deal with a pathological liar who may not always be conscious of their lying. Some do it so often that experts believe they may not know the difference between fact and fiction after some time.
Pathological liars also tend to be natural performers. They’re eloquent and know how to engage with others when speaking. They’re creative and original, and quick thinkers who don’t usually show common signs of lying, such as long pauses or avoidance of eye contact.
When asked questions, they may speak a lot without ever being specific or answering the question.
Most people lie at one time or another. Previous research has suggested that we tell an average of 1.65 lies every day. Most of these lies are what are considered “white lies.”
Pathological lies, on the other hand, are told consistently and habitually. They tend to appear pointless and often continuous.
White lies
White lies are occasional and considered:
- small fibs
- harmless
- without malicious intent
- told to spare another’s feelings or avoid getting in trouble
Some examples of white lies include:
- saying you have a headache to get out of attending a meeting
- saying you’ve paid the phone bill when you forgot to pay it
- lying about why you were late for work
Pathological lies
Pathological lies are:
- told frequently and compulsively
- told for no apparent reason or gain
- continuous
- told to make the teller appear heroic or the victim
- not deterred by guilt or risk of getting found out
Examples of pathological lying:
- creating a false history, such as saying they’ve achieved or experienced something they haven’t
- claiming to have a life-threatening illness that they don’t have
- telling lies to impress others, such as saying they’re related to a famous person
Identifying a pathological liar isn’t always easy.
While it may be human nature to be suspicious of anything that appears “too good to be true,” not all lies told by pathological liars are over-the-top.
They also tell “regular” lies that someone without a compulsion to lie might tell.
The following are some signs that may help you identify a pathological liar:
- they often talk about experiences and accomplishments in which they appear heroic
- they’re also the victim in many of their stories, often looking for sympathy
- their stories tend to be elaborate and very detailed
- they respond elaborately and quickly to questions, but the responses are usually vague and don’t provide an answer to the question
- they may have different versions of the same story, which stems from forgetting previous details
Knowing a pathological liar can be deeply frustrating because the lying appears to be pointless.
It can test the trust in any relationship and make it hard to even have a simple conversation with the person.
Here are a few pointers to help you handle a conversation with a pathological liar:
Don’t lose your temper
As frustrating as it may be, it’s important not to let your anger get the better of you when confronting a pathological liar. Be supportive and kind, but firm.
Expect denial
Someone who pathologically lies may have the tendency to first respond with a lie. If you confront them about their lying, chances are that they’ll deny it.
They may become enraged and express shock at the accusation.
Remember that it’s not about you
It’s hard not to take being lied to personally, but pathological lying isn’t about you. The person may be driven by an underlying personality disorder, anxiety, or low self-esteem.
Be supportive
When talking to the person about their lies, remind them that they don’t need to try to impress you. Let them know that you value them for who they really are.
Don’t engage them
When you notice the person lying, don’t engage them. You can question what they’re saying, which may encourage them to stop the lie at that point.
You can also let them know that you don’t want to continue the conversation when they’re being dishonest.
Suggest medical help
Without judgment or shaming, suggest that they consider professional help and let them know your suggestion comes from genuine concern for their well-being.
Be prepared with information about pathological lying, such as a printout of an article or a pamphlet that they can read when they’re ready. Expressing that you’re concerned that their behavior may result from an underlying medical condition may also help.
A pathological liar is an excellent storyteller and performer. They know how to captivate their audience by telling elaborate and fantastic stories while being very animated.
Along with knowing how to weave and express a detailed story, people are also fascinated by what drives a person to lie.
It’s natural to want to know why they’re lying, especially when there doesn’t seem to be an apparent reason for their lies.
Diagnosing a pathological liar can be difficult because of the many possible causes of the behavior. Speaking with the person and conducting a medical history and interview isn’t usually enough to make a diagnosis because of the person’s tendency to lie.
An important part of diagnosing a pathological liar is determining if they recognize that they’re lying or believe the lies they tell.
Some professionals use a polygraph, also known as a lie detector test. The test isn’t to catch them in a lie, but to see how well or often they “beat” the polygraph as this suggests that they believe their lies or have become good at using other measures to convince others of their lies.
Some professionals also interview family members and friends when diagnosing a pathological liar.
Treatment will depend on whether or not the pathological lying is a symptom of an underlying psychiatric condition.
Treatment would include psychotherapy and may also include medication for other issues that might be fueling the behavior, such as drugs used to treat anxiety or depression.
How to empathize and cope with a pathological liar comes down to an understanding of what may be causing this person to lie while being supportive.
It’s likely that the lying is a symptom of another issue that can be treated. Encourage them to get the help they need.
10 signs to look for |
We all lie - you would be lying if you said you weren't lying! In fact, Robert S. Feldman, a psychologist and researcher at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, has concluded that 60% of us will tell at least one lie during a 10-minute conversation. We can say that this is not so bad. After all, most of the lies we tell will probably fall under the heading "Harmless Fibbing". or "white lie". In addition, we tend to think that sometimes it's OK to tell a little lie - this is normal, for example, when we don't want to hurt someone's feelings, or when a lie can save someone from danger.
source: rawpixel.com
These scenarios are completely different; however, from what happens with obsessive lies. The compulsive liar seems to lie to everyone about everything, and being around him can be both painful and stressful. It can also be dangerous, depending on the extent of the lies they are telling; and if you mistakenly believe and act upon them. Therefore, it is important for you to be able to recognize a compulsive liar and know how to deal with a friend or family member who lies compulsively.
We will share this information with you and explain what compulsive lying is, as well as the causes and treatments for this behavior. We will also shed some light on the often confusing and debated question: Is compulsive lying the same as pathological lying?
Compulsive lying is also known as mythomania and fantastic pseudology (sometimes spelled fantastic pseudology ), a term introduced in 1891 year by the German physician Anton Delbrück.
He is known for being the first to call pathological lying a medical problem. This is an uncontrollable tendency to tell grossly exaggerated lies, even when it is obvious that you are lying and when there seems to be no reason to lie. It may even happen that by lying, the compulsive liar does something harmful to himself, such as endangering his job or his relationships with loved ones.
Discussing compulsive lying, a 2008 Psychiatric Times article by Dr. Charles Dyke expands on this definition by saying: has a long history (perhaps a lifetime) of frequent and repetitive lying.
Other common characteristics of compulsive lies include:
- A lie that has some truth in it, covered in fancy embellishments. For example, compulsive liars may lie about having to change office at work because they were promoted to a higher position. In reality, however, they have been asked to move temporarily while the room is being renovated.
- Lies start out small but grow larger over time.
Often the lie becomes more complex when the threat of exposure is raised - the compulsive liar creates an even more convoluted story in order to cover up or explain any inconsistencies in the first lie. - Lying usually has no external motivation. Even if an extrinsic motive can be identified, it usually doesn't matter compared to the complexity of the lie told. On the contrary, compulsive lying seems to satisfy some unconscious need of the liar. This includes lying, the purpose of which is to attract the obsessive sympathy or attention of the liar. For example, they may lie about the death of a loved one or an incurable illness.
- The lies they tell often portray them in a favorable and enviable light. For example, a compulsive liar may pretend to travel a lot, be rich, or have connections with rich and famous people.
In an attempt to pinpoint the characteristics of a compulsive liar, a review of 26 reports from 1988, containing a total of 72 cases of compulsive lying, highlighted the following:
- Both men and women were equally represented in the group.
- It was found that 40% of the subjects have disorders in the central nervous system (brain and spinal cord).
- The intelligence quotients (IQs) of subjects in the studies were average or slightly below average.
- Their verbal IQ was higher than their productivity.
- Although 16 was the average age at which the subjects developed the disease, it was not diagnosed until about 22 years of age.
- Compulsive liar is not psychotic. In other words, they are not deluded and therefore can admit that their stories are deceptive.
source: rawpixel.com
Compulsive lying and pathological lying - is there a difference?
Technically speaking, compulsive lying and pathological lying mean the same thing. Moreover, habitual lie is also used interchangeably with the two terms by many mental health professionals.
However, there are some psychologists and psychiatrists who distinguish between compulsive and pathological lying.
They cite the following as the main differences:
- Compulsive lying is more of an uncontrollable act than a pathological lie. Thus, there appears to be no apparent motive behind the lies of the compulsive liar.
- Compulsive liars tell more fantastical and outrageous lies than pathological liars and therefore their lies are easier to recognize.
In this article, we will treat compulsive lying and pathological lying as referring to the same condition.
What causes compulsive lying?
The underlying cause of compulsive lying remains unknown, possibly due to lack of sufficient research. However, it has been suggested that the condition may be related to childhood trauma and develop as a way of coping with it. Some research also shows that brain and spinal cord disorders can cause compulsive lying.
It has also been suggested that compulsive lying is habitual behavior. People get into the habit of lying because they were never taught that lying is bad and unacceptable to parents and other authority figures.
In addition, people with a history of some form of addiction tend to lie in order to cover up and maintain their addiction with compulsive lies.
Can compulsive lying be cured?
Psychologists and psychiatrists are trained to spot compulsive lying, and it is always a good idea for a compulsive liar to seek treatment for their condition.
However, before a compulsive lie can be treated, it must be diagnosed. Psychologists and psychiatrists refer to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) when making a diagnosis of any mental disorder. Compulsive lies are not now is listed in the DSM-5 as a separate mental disorder. However, it is referred to as a symptom of a number of other recognized disorders, including Factitious Disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
So while there is no formal treatment for compulsive lying, there are ways to reduce this behavior.
The diagnostic process may reveal psychiatric disorders such as those mentioned above that the client was unaware of. In this case, the therapist, together with the client, will develop a treatment plan that takes into account all of his symptoms.
The most common treatment for compulsive lying is psychotherapy (or talk therapy) to help the client understand the condition they are suffering from and the negative effects it has on all aspects of their lives. In cases where compulsive lying is diagnosed as a symptom of another disorder, a medication approved for that disorder may be prescribed. Medications are not usually used; however as a direct treatment for compulsive lying.
The therapist's training and experience makes them particularly good at detecting when someone is lying. However, the very nature of compulsive lying means that the therapist may need to verify information with loved ones. This will help avoid wasting time and effort trying to distinguish the truth of a compulsive liar from embellishment.
As with most other conditions, the compulsive liar must admit that he has a problem and ask for help with it. A client is more likely to be cooperative and receptive to treatment if they attend therapy sessions voluntarily rather than under duress.
In addition to treating a compulsive liar, a therapist may suggest that people close to them who have to deal with their illness on a regular basis also seek therapy. They will have the opportunity to talk about the impact of a loved one's compulsive lying behavior on them, as well as learn coping strategies and constructive methods for responding to a liar's behavior.
10 signs someone is a compulsive liar
- They have unusual body language for a liar
This can be a little tricky, as a compulsive liar usually behaves differently than we would normally expect a liar to do. For example, we tend to associate a flickering gaze or an inability to look someone in the eye with lying.
However, a compulsive liar will usually continue to look directly at you while lying. What's more, once you realize that someone is a compulsive liar, you might be surprised to find out how relaxed they are when they lie - because it comes so naturally to them. This contrasts with our usual notion that a liar is fussy and nervous.
source: rawpixel.com
- They have a difficult life
Quite often, lies told by a compulsive liar already lead to a relationship breakup and loss of a job. If a person has been married several times; it seems that he is always in a romantic relationship and is constantly changing friends or jobs, this could be a sign that they are compulsive liars.
- They confidently retell what they said
An obsessive liar has a hard time keeping secrets. In addition, they can embellish the story by passing it on to others. Thus, you may notice that they enjoy receiving and sharing gossip.
- They "steal" other people's stories
The obsessive liar often takes another person's story and turns it into his own. Their propensity to do so increases if the story can attract attention or sympathy. They may even speak openly about it. For example, after hearing from a colleague that their home has been broken into, a compulsive liar may come up to you with an extravagant account of how they recently became the victim of a break-in.
- They think fast
Compulsive liars have a habit of lying to cover up inconsistencies in past lies, and they are very good at it. They seem to be able to come up with an explanation without any effort or delay. They also become quite adept at telling different lies (or different versions of the same lie) to different people.
- They are defensive
If you point out inaccuracies in their story or say frankly that you think they are lying, the compulsive liar will be defensive.
This may include pointing the finger at someone else as the reason they had to lie. Anger is another common reaction of a compulsive liar when confronted with the truth. They may angrily accuse you of not being their friend if you don't believe them or insist that they know the "facts" better than you.
- They seem to lack empathy
Many compulsive liars seem oblivious to how their lies affect others. They will continue to lie, even if it causes someone discomfort or pain. This lack of empathy may be due to the fact that the compulsive liar is solely focused on satisfying his inner drive to lie.
- They categorically deny the evidence
Showing hard facts to obsessive liars in an attempt to get them to open up is not always successful. They may say that you are mistaken or confusing events, and their version actually happened. After all, the compulsive liar will most likely just make up another lie to make their original lie more believable.
- They avoid questions
Questions threaten the illusion that the compulsive liar is trying to create with his lies. If you ask compulsive liars questions to clarify their history, they will likely not answer directly or become defensive if you doubt them. What's more, if you click on them for a direct answer, the compulsive liar is likely to make up another lie in response.
- They have low self-esteem
Low self-esteem often causes the compulsive liar to boast about their own lies about their accomplishments, connections, or abilities. These lies are told not only to deceive the listener, but to make the compulsive liar feel better and decide to fit in.
Is it worth it to be friends with a compulsive liar?
There is no doubt that dealing with someone who is a compulsive liar can be mentally and emotionally exhausting.
You can offer support by saying that you know they are lying.
This can lead them to self-awareness so they can take the first steps towards getting help. You can also provide support by encouraging (but not pushing) them to find the help they need. Have a list of resources handy, such as https://www.regain.us/start/, to share if they indicate they are ready to start solving their problem.
If, however, they refuse to admit they have a problem and refuse to seek therapy, you will have to decide if you can continue the relationship. In fact, ending a relationship may be the best thing for your mental health.
If you decide to remain their friend, here are some tips on how to do it:
- Remember that they don't ALWAYS lie. Learn to tell their truth from their lies so that you can support them when they are honest. If you treat them positively when they tell the truth, it might just encourage them to do so more often.
source: rawpixel.com
- Set limits on what is acceptable and what is not.
You can say, for example, that you are not allowed to include you in the stories they tell. You must also make it clear that you are not going to confirm any of their stories. - Don't let them lie. Maintain an attitude of disapproval of their tendency to lie. Don't laugh it off or start apologizing to others for why compulsive liars are the way they are.
- Continue to encourage them to seek help. The bottom line is that a compulsive liar is unlikely to get rid of this habit alone - for this he needs professional help.
There is no consensus among mental health professionals about whether compulsive lying is a symptom of various mental disorders or is a disease in itself. This, however, does not prevent people from being affected by the disease and dealing with its consequences.
If you struggle with being a compulsive liar, or if you have a loved one who you feel needs help because of their compulsive lying habit, don't hesitate to seek help from a therapist right now.
How to know if someone is lying to you
Learning to identify pathological liars.
All of us in life are faced with a lie to one degree or another. But if somewhere you can close your eyes to it or not take it into account, then sometimes it becomes simply unbearable to tolerate outright lies. However, this is the case if we know for sure that we are being deceived. It often happens that we suspect that we are being lied to, but do not know how to prove it. And here science can come to the rescue. Doren Weinstein of YourTango shares how to tell if someone close to you is being dishonest.
It's not just a little white lie
Have you ever felt like you're being lied to? Probably yes. But how can you understand that you are being deceived if there is no direct evidence? Even a non-specialist can determine this by some signs, including a person’s facial expression, what he says, and even his intonation.
Hearing white lies (a white lie is a statement that is not false in itself, but leaves a significant part of the truth out of sight) is one thing, but being fooled all the time is very unpleasant and insulting.
But it's even worse when you don't even suspect that you're being lied to. This is why the ability to detect that someone is lying to you is sometimes necessary, especially if a person can be a pathological liar.
What is a pathological liar and why does he lie?
According to Psych Central, “pathological lying (PL) is a chronic behavior characterized by habitual or compulsive lying. While the average person will sometimes lie to avoid trouble or hurt another person's feelings (this dress looks great on you, for example!), the pathological liar seems to lie for no apparent reason or personal gain."
Research shows that most people who lie in this way do so to get attention. They tell incredible stories, often exaggerate, and sometimes even portray themselves as victims. Most often, people with low self-esteem lie regularly. They need this to appear better and more successful in their own eyes and in the eyes of others.
What is a pathological lie?
Pathological lying is also known as compulsive, chronic or habitual lying.
Compulsive liars may take pleasure in lying. For most compulsive liars, the truth is often almost physically unbearable, so they sometimes tell stories that are essentially self-incriminating just to get attention.
When dealing with a pathological liar, it is important to establish a basic level of truth.
This is what they do when they put someone on a lie detector. And this is very important when you are trying to recognize if someone is lying to you.
But how to detect a liar without special equipment?
First, you need to observe him and his behavior in a relaxed or calm state to see if you can detect obvious deviations. You can try asking him some simple questions and see how he behaves when he has no reason to lie.
Then look for any changes in his behavior that may indicate he is lying.
Here are the main signs that a person is lying and perhaps even a pathological liar:
1. Watch for stress signals untruth; nevertheless, some tension in it is felt.
Watch for certain stress signals, such as rubbing your hands together or fidgeting. Does he have a forced or frozen smile on his face? Do you notice any unusual hesitation in gestures?
Our first response to stress is lethargy. So, if you notice unusual behavioral hiccups, this is a clear sign of a lie.
2. Pay close attention to your eyes
The claim that a person cannot look you in the eye when he is lying to you is a myth! This may be true of some inexperienced liars, but studies show that pathological liars may use too much eye contact to convince you as much as possible.
However, the pupils of a liar give out - they dilate when he is outright lying. Also, his blink rate slows down while he's lying, and then speeds up again.
According to behavioral analyst Jack Schaefer, Ph.D., “Pupillary dilation usually indicates an increase in cognitive ability.
Liars usually have an increased cognitive need. The interviewer should carefully monitor the pupils of the interlocutor when the interviewee has no reason to lie.
Any deviation may signal deception. Therefore, pupil dilation may signal deception.
3. Watch out for contradictions
A hardened liar tends to lie so much that, over time, the facts he voices begin to contradict each other. If you suspect a person of lying, compare what he said to you and your mutual acquaintances, whether any details of his stories have changed.
Also, keep in mind that when liars are asked about something, most of them avoid the truth by resorting to quasi-negation (quasi - from Latin quasi ostensibly, as if, meaning imaginary, not real) when answering questions.
4. Listen to the voice
Experts say that vocal pitch rises under stressful conditions because the vocal cords contract.
“When stressed, people may also experience an increased need to drink water and lick or moisturize their lips,” says body language expert Carol Kinsey Gorman, Ph.D., “because the autonomic nervous system causes an adrenaline rush, accompanied by dry mouth.
