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Seeking validation meaning


Need for validation and its effects on mental health

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Over the years, the concept of validation has come to the forefront, more so due to the surge in social media. The moment you upload a picture or a story on a photo-sharing or video-sharing platform, the desire to be liked and appreciated takes over. Of course, not in the case of everyone. But this is what such platforms feed on: the insecurities of their users.

So what exactly is validation and how can it hamper your life? And why is it that certain people require it more than others?

Dr Preeti Kocchar, counseling psychologist, IWill, shares her view, “Emotional validation involves understanding and showing acceptance for another person’s feelings. When people receive this type of validation, they feel that their emotions are not only seen and heard by others but that these feelings are also accepted. If a person feels that their thoughts, feelings, and emotions are not heard and understood, they may be left feeling isolated and unsupported. This, over a period of time, may trigger insecurity in some individuals whose sense of self-validation may be lacking and may turn them into validation addicts.”

Known as approval addiction, this behavioural health condition is defined as an intense desire to win the approval of those around you and avoid feelings of rejection at all costs.

Why do you need constant validation?

Dr Kocchar explains, “People crave attention for a variety of reasons, including normal emotional development, low self-esteem, and, in some extreme cases, the presence of personality disorders. Emotional, social, and physical reasons typically are behind a child’s attention-seeking behaviours. It’s not inherently bad! In fact, we all begin life in a state of complete reliance on external validation. As children, we rely on it to learn appropriate behaviours; as adults, it’s a necessary part of tribe life. ”

You need to be able to take instructions and constructive criticism from others in order to collaborate with peers. The problem occurs when outside approval becomes your be-all and end-all. Neither is it healthy to completely eschew the opinions of others. If your boss asked you to make some changes to a project you may have submitted, or if a professor suggested a different angle for your essay, would you completely ignore the feedback?

Are you bothered by the ‘likes’ you get on social media? Image courtesy: Shutterstock

“It is not about agreeing with someone or accepting their thoughts as your own. It is about being able to accept these thoughts and experiences as being valid. Validation is part of being interdependent and relying on the feedback and encouragement of others around us. It’s all about balance: knowing when to take healthy, constructive feedback from others, while not relying completely on outside approval for your sense of self-worth,” she adds.

But there’s also more to it to seeking validation

Conversely, invalidation is one of the most damaging forms of emotional abuse. What’s scary is that it can be one of the most subtle and unintentional abuses. Invalidating a person’s feelings and emotional experience can make them feel like they’re going crazy.

“Stonewalling involves refusing to communicate with another person. Intentionally shutting down during an argument, also known as silent treatment, can be hurtful, frustrating, and harmful to the relationship. Seeking validation beyond a healthy constructive limit is defined as attention-seeking behaviour. This is commonly seen on social media nowadays. Attention-seeking behaviour can include saying or doing something with the goal of getting the attention of a person or a group of people,” says Dr Kocchar.

Examples of this behavior include:

• Fishing for compliments by pointing out achievements and seeking validation
• Being controversial to provoke a reaction
• Exaggerating and embellishing stories to gain praise or sympathy
• Pretending to be unable to do something so someone will teach, help, or watch the attempt to do it.

Be comfortable in your skin rather than trying to fetch compliments all the time. Image courtesy: Shutterstock

Attention-seeking behaviour may be driven by:

• Jealousy
• Low self-esteem
• Loneliness

“Self-esteem is a broad term covering a variety of complex mental states involving how you view yourself. When some people believe that they’re being overlooked, bringing back the lost attention may feel like the only way to restore their balance. The attention that they get from this behaviour may help provide them with the feeling of reassurance that they are worthy,” she shares.

Loneliness can result in an urge to seek attention, even in people who don’t normally exhibit attention-seeking behaviour. Feeling insecure in your relationship from time to time is completely normal. However, if you find yourself and your partner exhausted by your constant need for reassurance and your daily life impacted by it, you may have a condition known as relationship OCD (ROCD).

If you regularly seek such validation, it might escalate to become your NEED. It might start affecting your everyday choices. Your sole goal might change into pleasing people around you – even if it conflicts with your internal values and feelings.

How do you break this cycle of seeking validation?

Dr Kocchar says an effective first step in breaking the need for validation from others starts with understanding the type of validation you are seeking: Do you want to be acknowledged through social media? Are you interested in hearing that you are one in the group, the best one at work, the ideal spouse, or perhaps the greatest parent?

“Learning to recognize when you are seeking validation from external sources is the first step. By acknowledging this behaviour, people can choose a more effective option, breaking the cycle and learning to look internally for validation,” she says.

Keep your mind off social media. Image courtesy: Shutterstock

Some good ways to start include:

  1. Take a social media break:

    Getting off social media is a great place to start. This eliminates any comparison with others or the anxiety and stress about how your picture, post, or comment is being seen and received by others.

  2. Be mindful:

    Look carefully at what you are doing. Look for improvements and make a record of these either as a mental note or in a journal. This is self-validation that helps you acknowledge your own abilities, talents, and skills.

  3. Do not ask for validation:

    Instead of seeking validation from others, ask yourself first. If you do receive validation (encouragement or acknowledgment) recognize the praise and acknowledge it, then stop. Do not continue to ask others or seek out others for validation.

    Keep in mind that validation is not a bad thing in your life; it is affirming and positive. It only becomes problematic when it becomes the focus of all you do.

5 Reasons You May Be Seeking Validation from Others...And Why You Don't Need It - What She Say

 

(Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase. For more information about this please read the Affiliate Disclosure.)

Most of us, at one time or another find ourselves seeking validation from others.

Whether on the job, in relationships, while going through stages of self improvement or in response to how we look and how we present ourselves, we have looked to others for the reassurance that we’re doing the right thing or have made right choices.

And, while it’s certainly not wrong to receive input from others, especially a trusted circle of family or friends, we sometimes learn to depend on this validation entirely in order to function or move forward.

This can lead to a dependence that is not beneficial for you or others and can possibly be detrimental down the road.

What is validation, exactly?

Simply put, it’s approval or confirmation from others – hearing that we’ve done a good job or made a right choice or done the right thing. This can cover a wide range of subjects or circumstances in our lives, from selecting a hair color to making a career choice, but it is basically seeking approval outside yourself.

This input can be a good thing, but it becomes a problem if it is the only way we can feel confident in ourselves and our life choices.

So, why do we seek this validation from others? It may be any one of the following reasons:

 

 

1. Lack of Self-Confidence

We’ve all been there. About to take on a new task or move in a new direction and suddenly you feel like you’re in way over your head. You’ll never make it. You’re crazy for even trying.

It’s a terrible, and sometimes frightening, feeling and sometimes all we need is a word from a friend letting us know that we can do it.

We are capable and not crazy.

Encouragement of this sort is fine when needed, but if you cannot make a decision without it, there’s a problem.

It may be that your belief in your own abilities has dropped to a point where you can’t even make a decision on your own, let alone carry it out.

A severe lack of self-confidence can be almost paralyzing and cause us to reach out for validation for even the simplest tasks.

 

2. Need for Acceptance

We all need acceptance – reassurance that we are loved and cared for by others, regardless of what we do or decide.

Sometimes, however, this need can escalate to the point where we can’t function well without a high level of constant reassurance of this acceptance.

Often, this is rooted in rejection of some kind in our past and can be a difficult thing to overcome.

But, relying on others to fulfill this need in you is often setting yourself up for disappointment.

It’s necessary to know and accept yourself first, before depending on receiving that acceptance from others.

 

3. Sense of Worth

Somewhat related to self-confidence, seeking validation to obtain a sense of self-worth is not uncommon, but it’s not healthy, either.

Needing a sense of self-worth, however, goes much deeper than simply lacking confidence.

How much we value ourselves can determine our very motivation for living.

If you feel that you have little or no worth except for what others tell you that you have, you may feel like “Why even bother”?

The truth is, if this is your consistent state of mind, there won’t be enough validation in the world to make you feel worthy as a person. A healthy sense of self-worth begins with you.

 

4. Sense of Identity

Life can be very confusing at times.

These days with all the choices we have to make, as well as all the constant input and influence of the media telling us what we should and shouldn’t be, it can be easy to lose your identity in the very process of trying to find it.

When this happens, we sometimes try to establish that identity through others.

If we find validation in certain areas, then this must be who we are, right?

Not necessarily.

This can be a dangerous context because without a definite sense of your own identity, you can be led down paths that aren’t right for you; that may even prove harmful to you as well.

 

5. Overall Affirmation

It may seem to be splitting hairs here, but there is a distinction between affirmation and a sense of worth or confidence.

Seeking validation for affirmation is needing someone to tell you that you are okay and life is okay and everything else going to be okay.

Sometimes this is secretly a desire for approval of wrong choices, feeling that if someone else thinks this choice is okay, then it must be the right thing.

But, often, it is a lack of inner peace and rest that requires constant calming through the validation of others.

 

If any of these situations sound like you, don’t worry – you’re not alone. But even though you’re not alone, this is not a place you want to stay.

As much as you may think validation from others is necessary, it truly is not. You don’t need it to be strong and successful.

True validation begins within you.

It is important to be completely honest with yourself and find the root of your desire for validation.

Only then will you be able to address it, conquer it and move on.

Regardless of what may or may not have happened to you in the past, you are here today as living proof that you are a strong survivor.

Your life is precious and unique and you fill a place in this world that no one else can fill.

You have gifts and abilities that are unique to you, and a circle of influence that no one else in the world can reach.

Your very existence is validation of the value of your life.

And if you’re still here, there is still a purpose to be fulfilled.

Seek out your purpose, remember your worth, and let that give you a new vision and new motivation to carry you throughout your life.

When you are free from depending on others to determine your value, you are truly free to pursue all that life has to offer.

Do you struggle with seeking validation from others? If so, let me know in the comments. If you like this post, please share it with your friends and family. Thanks! You’re Awesome!

Kimberly Clay is the founder and creative force behind What She Say. She’s a business professional, writer and editor who’s been creating and managing digital content for nearly twenty years. Her work is now focused in the areas of self-improvement and personal development, and she is passionate about helping other individuals, especially women, to find a path for living their best life.

Find values ​​using the VLOOKUP, INDEX, and MATCH functions

Tip: Try the new LOOKUPX and XMATCH functions, as well as improved versions of the functions described in this article. These new functions work in either direction and return exact matches by default, making them simpler and easier to work with than their predecessors.

Suppose you have a list of office numbers and you want to know which employees work in each of them. The table is very gloomy, so you may think that this is a difficult task. With the sub function, it's actually quite simple.

The BB and INDEX and SELECT functions are some of the most useful functions in Excel.

Note: The Sweep Wizard is no longer available in Excel.

Below you can find an example of use in this area as a selection example.

=VLOOKUP(B2,C2:E7,3,TRUE)

In this example, B2 is the first argument - data element that is required for the function to work. In the case of SROT VL.V.OV, this first argument is the desired value. This argument can be a cell reference or a fixed value such as "kuzmina" or 21,000. The second argument is the cell range C2-:E7 in which to search and find the value. The third argument is the column in the range of cells that contains the lookup value.

The fourth argument is optional. Enter true or FALSE. If you enter TRUE or leave the argument blank, the function returns an approximate match of the value specified as the first argument. If you enter FALSE, the function will match the value that is known to be the first argument. In other words, leaving the fourth argument blank or entering TRUE provides more flexibility.

This example shows how the function works. When you enter a value in cell B2 (first argument), the search results in cells in the range C2:E7 (2nd argument) search that cell and return the closest approximate match from the third column in the range, column E (third argument).

The fourth argument is empty, so the function returns an approximate match. Otherwise, you will need to enter one of the values ​​in column C or D to get any result.

If you have forgotten how to work with the VGT.V.V. function well, then it will be equally easy to use it. You enter the same arguments, but the search is done in rows instead of columns.

Use of index and MATCH instead of VROTH

When using the RIGHT function, there are a number of restrictions that apply only when using the RIGHT function. This means that the column containing and look up must always be positioned to the left of the column containing the return value. Now, if your table isn't built this way, don't use VIEW. Use a combination of the INDEX and MATCH functions instead.

This example shows a small list where the search value (Voronezh) is not in the leftmost column. Therefore, we cannot use the VLOOKUP function. To search for the value "Voronezh" in the range B1:B11, the MATCH function will be used. It is found in row 4. The INDEX function then uses that value as a search argument and finds the population of Voronezh in the fourth column (column D). The formula used is shown in cell A14.

For more examples of using indexes and MATCH instead of VLOOKUP, see Bill Jelen Bill Jelen, Microsoft MVP.

Try to practice

If you'd like to experiment with subdivision functions before trying them on your own data, here are sample data.

An example of working with VLOKONP

Copy the following data to an empty table.

Tip: Before embedding data in Excel, set columns A-C to 250px wide and click the Text Wrap button (Home tab, Alignment group).

Density

Viscosity

Temperature

0. 457

3.55

500

0.525

3.25

400

0.606

2.93

300

0.675

2.75

250

0. 746

2.57

200

0.835

2.38

150

0.946

2.17

100

1.09

1.95

50

1. 29

1.71

0

Formula

Description

Result

=VLOOKUP(1,A2:C10,2)

Using an approximate match, the function searches column A for the value 1, finds the largest value that is less than or equal to 1 and equals 0. 946, and then returns the value from column B on the same row.

2.17

=VLOOKUP(1,A2:C10,3,TRUE)

Using an approximate match, the function searches column A for 1, finds the largest value that is less than or equal to 1 and equals 0.946, and then returns the value from column C on the same row.

100

=VLOOKUP(0.7,A2:C10.3,FALSE)

Using exact match, the function looks for the value 0.7 in column A. Since there is no exact match, an error message is returned.

#N/A

=VLOOKUP(0,1,A2:C10,2,TRUE)

Using an approximate match, the function looks for the value 0. 1 in column A. Because 0.1 is less than the smallest value in column A, an error message is returned.

#N/A

=VLOOKUP(2,A2:C10,2,TRUE)

Using an approximate match, the function searches column A for 2, finds the largest value that is less than or equal to 2 and equals 1.29and then returns the value from column B on the same row.

1.71

Example GW.G.W.W.

Copy the entire table and paste it into cell A1 of a blank Excel worksheet.

Tip: Before you embed data in Excel, set columns A-C to 250px wide and click the Wrap button text" (Home tab, Alignment group).

Axles

Bearings

Bolts

4

4

9

5

7

10

6

8

11

Formula

Description

Result

=HLOOKUP("Axis",A1:C4,2,TRUE)

Search for the word "Axes" in row 1 and return the value from row 2, which is in the same column (column A).

4

=HLOOKUP("Bearings",A1:C4,3,FALSE)

Search for the word "Bearings" in row 1 and return the value from row 3, which is in the same column (column B).

7

=HLOOKUP("P",A1:C4,3,TRUE)

Searches for the letter "P" in row 1 and returns the value from row 3, which is in the same column. Since "P" could not be found, the nearest lower value is returned: "Axis" (in column A).

5

=HLOOKUP("Bolts",A1:C4,4)

Search for the word "Bolts" in row 1 and return the value from row 4, which is in the same column (column C).

11

=HLOOKUP(3;{1;2;3:"a";"b";"c";"d";"e";"f"};2;TRUE)

Searches for the number 3 in three rows of an array constant and returns the value from row 2 of the same (in this case, the third) column. An array constant contains three strings of values ​​separated by semicolons (;). Since "c" was found in row 2 of the same column as 3, "c" is returned.

c

Index and match examples

In the last example, the INDEX and MATCH functions together return the account number with the earliest date and the corresponding date for each of the five cities. Because the date is returned as a number, the TEXT function is used to format it. The INDEX function uses the result returned by the MATCH function as an argument. The combination of INDEX and MATCH is used twice in each formula, first to return the account number and then to return the date.

Copy the entire table and paste it into cell A1 of a blank Excel worksheet.

Tip: Before you check your data in Excel, set columns A-D to 250px wide and click the Text Wrap button (Home tab, Alignment group).

Account

City

Billing date

Account with the earliest date in the city, with date

3115

Kazan

04/07/12

="Kazan = "&INDEX($A$2:$C$33,MATCH("Kazan",$B$2:$B$33,0),1)& ", Billing Date: " & TEXT(INDEX($A $2:$C$33,MATCH("Kazan",$B$2:$B$33,0),3),"m/d/yy")

3137

Kazan

04/09/12

="Eagle = "&INDEX($A$2:$C$33,MATCH("Eagle",$B$2:$B$33,0),1)& ", Billing Date: " & TEXT(INDEX($A $2:$C$33,MATCH("Eagle",$B$2:$B$33,0),3),"m/d/yy")

3154

Kazan

11. 04.12

="Chelyabinsk = "&INDEX($A$2:$C$33,MATCH("Chelyabinsk",$B$2:$B$33,0),1)& ", Billing date: " & TEXT(INDEX($A $2:$C$33,MATCH("Chelyabinsk",$B$2:$B$33,0),3),"m/d/yy")

3191

Kazan

21.04.12

="Nizhny Novgorod = "&INDEX($A$2:$C$33,MATCH("Nizhny Novgorod",$B$2:$B$33,0),1)& ", Billing Date: " & TEXT(INDEX( $A$2:$C$33,MATCH("Nizhny Novgorod",$B$2:$B$33,0),3),"m/d/yy")

3293

Kazan

04/25/12

="Moscow = "&INDEX($A$2:$C$33,MATCH("Moscow",$B$2:$B$33,0),1)& ", Billing Date: " & TEXT(INDEX($A $2:$C$33,MATCH("Moscow",$B$2:$B$33,0),3),"m/d/yy")

3331

Kazan

27. 04.12

3350

Kazan

28.04.12

3390

Kazan

05/01/12

3441

Kazan

02.05.12

3517

Kazan

05/08/12

3124

Eagle

04/09/12

3155

Eagle

11. 04.12

3177

Eagle

19.04.12

3357

Eagle

28.04.12

3492

Eagle

05/06/12

3316

Chelyabinsk

04/25/12

3346

Chelyabinsk

28. 04.12

3372

Chelyabinsk

05/01/12

3414

Chelyabinsk

05/01/12

3451

Chelyabinsk

02.05.12

3467

Chelyabinsk

02. 05.12

3474

Chelyabinsk

04.05.12

3490

Chelyabinsk

05.05.12

3503

Chelyabinsk

05/08/12

3151

Nizhny Novgorod

04/09/12

3438

Nizhny Novgorod

05/02/12

3471

Nizhny Novgorod

04. 05.12

3160

Moscow

04/18/12

3328

Moscow

04/26/12

3368

Moscow

29.04.12

3420

Moscow

05/01/12

3501

Moscow

05/06/12

Search for values ​​in the data list

excel

Formulas and Functions

To work with links

To work with links

Search for values ​​in the data list

Excel for Microsoft 365 Excel for the web Excel 2021 Excel 2019 Excel 2016 Excel 2013 Excel 2010 Excel 2007 More. ..Less

Suppose you want to find an employee's phone extension using their badge number or the correct sales commission rate. You can search data to quickly and efficiently find specific data in the list, as well as automatically check the validity of the data. After searching for data, you can perform calculations or display results with a return value. There are several ways to search for values ​​in a list of data and display the results.

What needs to be done

  • Exact match of values ​​vertically in a list

  • Finding values ​​vertically in a list using an approximate match

  • Substituting vertical values ​​in a list of unknown size using exact match

  • Exact horizontal match of values ​​in a list

  • Finding values ​​horizontally in a list using approximate match

  • Create an approach formula using the Sub-Sampling Wizard (Excel 2007 only)

Exact match of vertical values ​​in list

To do this, you can use the BLOOKUP function or a combination of the INDEX and FINDPOSITION functions.

Examples of VROT

See this information for more information.

Examples of indices and matches

What does it mean:

=INDEX(need to return value from C2:C10 that will match MATCH(first value "Cabbage" in array B2:B10))

The formula searches C2:C10 for the first value corresponding to the value "Olga" (in B7), and returns the value in C7 (100), which is the first value that matches the value "Olga".

See INDEX and MATCH FUNCTION for more information.

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Finding vertical values ​​in a list using an approximate match

Use the HDL function for this.

Important: Make sure that the values ​​in the first row are sorted in ascending order.

In the example above, the GROT is looking for the name of a student who has 6 views in the range A2:B7. The table does not have an entry for 6 hits, so GROT looks for the next highest match less than 6 and finds the value 5 associated with the name Victor, and thus returns Him.

See this information for more information.

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Substitution of vertical values ​​in a list of unknown size using exact match

To do this, use the OFFSET and FINDMONTH functions.

Note: Use this approach if the data in the external data range is updated every day. You know the price is in column B, but you don't know how many rows of data the server is returning, and the first column isn't sorted alphabetically.

C1 are the top left cells of the range (also called the start).

MATCH("Orange";C2:C7;0) looks for "Orange" in the range C2:C7. The range should not include the triggered cell.

1 is the number of columns to the right of the start cell from which the value should be returned. In our example, the value from column D is returned, Sales.

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Exact match of horizontal values ​​in list

To do this, use the HGPU function. See example below.

LOOKUP looks for column "Sales" and returns the value from row 5 in the specified range.

For more information, see the information about the H VIEW function.

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Look up horizontal values ​​in a list using an approximate match

To do this, use the HGPU function.

Important: Make sure that the values ​​in the first row are sorted in ascending order.

In the example above, GLEB looks for the value 11000 in row 3 of the specified range. It doesn't find 11000, so it looks for the next largest value less than 1100 and returns 10543.0005

For more information, see the information about the H VIEW function.

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Create an approach formula using the Markup Wizard (Excel 2007 only)

Note: Excel 2010 will no longer have the #x0 add-in. This feature has been superseded by the feature wizard and available submenu and help (help) features.

Excel 2007 generates a data-based subtax formula based on data based on rows and columns. If you know a value in one column, and vice versa, the sub-search wizard helps you find other values ​​in a row. The formulas it creates use index and MATCH.

  1. Click a cell in the range.

  2. On the tab Formulas in the group Solutions press the button Under search.

  3. If the command Subtotals is not available, you need to load the subtotal add-on wizard.

    Loading the "Tuning Wizard" add-on

  4. Click the Microsoft Office button, select Excel Options, and then click the Add-ins category.

  5. Learn more