Domestic violence recovery

7 Steps of Healing from Domestic Violence

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Medically reviewed by Scientific Advisory Board — By Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC on November 17, 2017

The first time Nancy came into counseling she had a hard time looking at her therapist. Embarrassed and ashamed of the bruises on her body, the mental torture from her spouse, and sexual acts he coerced her into doing, she struggled to talk. She believed that she deserved to be treated this way and her actions were causing his rage. Nancy minimized his acts by making excuses for his abusive behavior and blaming herself.

It took a while for Nancy to summon the courage leave her husband. Once she did, she thought that all of her problems would be over and she would be healed. However, what she thought was the finish of a race, was really just the beginning. It took her over a year to recover from her trauma and get to a place of feeling at peace. Heres how she did it.

Safety first. The healing process begins when the victim of abuse is finally away from their abuser. Unfortunately this step can take months or even years of planning and preparation before it can become a reality. Safety means the victim is physically away from their attacker and can sleep without fear. After Nancy left, she had a hard time believing she was safe and needed the reassurance of others literally saying, You are safe, over and over until it began to feel real.
Stabilize environment. The temptation of therapists is to dive into the healing process after a victim is deemed safe. But doing this before the stabilization of a new environment can re-traumatize. Rather, the victim needs a period of rest to adjust to a new normal before the therapeutic work begins. The length of this necessary step is dictated solely by the victim and the amount of abuse endured. It took several months before Nancy felt like she could breathe again as the confused fog of abuse lifted.
Support unconditionally. Between her therapist and two close friends, Nancy felt loved unconditionally even when she talked about how much she missed her abusive husband. It was as if Nancy was forgetting the trauma and only remembering the good times they shared. One of her family members became so frustrated with Nancys sadness that they yelled at her and pulled away. This was so painful for Nancy but the continued support of her two friends more than made up for the lack of family support.
Share experiences. One of the most helpful steps to recovery from abuse is to find a support group with other victims of abuse. This shared common experience allows a person to realize that they are not alone in their abusive encounters. Abuse is very isolating, personal, degrading, humiliating, and shameful. Knowing that other intelligent, beautiful, talented, and kind people have been abused is both saddening and relieving. Nancys support group gave her additional people that she could lean on who understood from their own experience what she was going through.
Settle incidents. This is often the most difficult step from an awareness perspective. As the obvious abuse is recounted, new obscure abuse comes to light. Most victims dont even realize the extent of their abuse until they reach this step. When they do, it can be overwhelming and will likely restart the grieving process all over again. As Nancy examined each major traumatic incident, other types of abuse surfaced. She came to see that she was also mentally, verbally, emotionally, financially, spiritually, and sexually abused in addition to her physical abuse. Processing this information was hard at first, but it put a nail in the coffin of her abusive relationship for good. There was no turning back now for Nancy.
Stitch wounds. In order to stich the wounds of Nancys abuse, she needed to rewrite her internal dialog of what happened. In the past, she would minimize his contribution to an incident and take excessive responsibility for his behavior. When she stopped doing this and instead held him responsible for his actions, things changed. Nancy no longer believed that she was worthless or deserving of his abusive treatment. As time progressed, she began to take pride in her scars as evidence of her strength, determination, fortitude, and perseverance.
Set standards. The final step towards Nancys healing was to set new standards for how she expected to be treated. These became the boundaries of what is acceptable behavior. Anytime a person would violate one of her limitations, she would confront them. If they demonstrated respect by their actions and not words, Nancy would remain in the relationship. If they did not, she ended things. These new standards helped to reduce her fear that she would reenter into another abusive relationship.

It is important to note that abuse can happen to anyone in any relationship. While this article highlights Nancys experience of abuse from her husband, a man can also be the victim of abuse from his wife. Partner relationships, parent/child relationships, and friendships can be abusive as well. It is not the nature of the relationship or the sensitivity of the victim that determines abusiveness; rather it is the actions of the abuser.

Last medically reviewed on November 17, 2017

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Medically reviewed by Scientific Advisory Board — By Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC on November 17, 2017

Domestic Violence Recovery

The Journey Back From Domestic Violence

First you struggled to find safety. Yet have you found peace of mind? Guilt, anger, sadness, anxiety and stress often show up in the aftermath of abuse. For example, do you:

Feel guilty or “selfish”, at times perhaps not even knowing why?
Blame yourself for any part of the abuse you endured, or for staying in an abusive relationship?
No longer feel satisfaction or pleasure in your favorite activities or with family and friends?
Find that anger or stress regularly interfere with relationships, sleep, work or taking care of children?
Often or easily feel overwhelmed and stuck?
Have nightmares, flashbacks, or startle easily?

“Unlearning” the Trauma of Abuse

The feelings and behaviors listed above often come after someone has gone through a physically and/or emotionally abusive relationship. In some ways they are like habits that are learned.

Many of them, such as fearfulness, are taught by the person who perpetrated the abuse as a way to control you. And some behaviors were learned as a way to cope with the abuse itself; to make sense of and survive what felt like an unreal and unbearable situation.

Yet however these habits showed up, they can be unlearned.

Please note: these habits can’t be unlearned if you are still living with abuse. If that’s the case, please stop here and read this page.

Positive Changes Are Within Reach

We have training and experience in helping survivors of domestic violence and intimate partner abuse. We work at your pace, with a focus on helping you unlearn the fears and compulsive behaviors that have come as a result of the abuse you survived.

In our conversations we will unravel patterns of past abuse and the thoughts that came from surviving the abuse. We will look closely at identifying your wants and needs. And we’ll challenge and change ways of thinking and behaving that have kept you from getting your needs met.

The focus will always be on becoming empowered, increasing your sense of safety, and maintaining your freedom from abuse and its aftermath. I will commit to supporting you so that you feel safe, stay motivated, and work effectively towards your goals. You’ll learn to:

Manage stress so that you can think clearly and with a fresh perspective on old problems
Get free of the parts of past abuse that keep you tied to overwhelming feelings
Stand up for yourself, and yes, even put yourself first without guilt trips
Stop blaming yourself for staying in the abusive relationship
Let go of anger that doesn’t help you or your family
Watch for and assess feelings and thoughts that might lead you back to abuse
Believe in your own power to accomplish your goals

How Much Does it Cost?

Our rates are very competitive with psychotherapists in the Ventura, Calif., area. We also offer a sliding scale for persons who are experiencing financial hardship. In addition, victims of crime may qualify for a state-funded program that provides counseling for victims of domestic violence and other traumatizing crimes.

Start By Calling

Schedule a free consultation with me at (805) 648-2805 or contact us via this site. We look forward to helping you find greater peace, confidence and success.

Psychological assistance to women victims of domestic violence //Psychological newspaper

Violence against women is one of the most widespread and hidden violations of human rights. According to official statistics, such violence is committed in every fourth Russian family, and the process of criminalization of the family is intensifying every year, acquiring scope and depth that threaten the security of society and the individual. It is generally recognized that domestic violence leads to its destruction, has a traumatic effect on its members, contributes to the development of personality disorders in children, and worsens the health of society as a whole.

There are certain features of psychological work with people who have suffered from domestic violence in their own family. First of all, it is very important for psychologists who intend to work with victims of violence to be aware of their ideas and beliefs regarding understanding the causes of violence and related problems, it is necessary to identify their own attitude to the problem of justification for the use of violence. An important topic for testing the personal views of the psychologist is the question of responsibility for violence. In today's society, there is a widespread belief that the victims are to some extent "themselves guilty" of the violence committed against them. Often, the public views domestic violence as a purely “personal” or “family matter” without regard to the severity of such offenses. At the same time, both relatives and the authorities often accuse the woman of having provoked the act of violence herself, in all forms of its manifestation.

The very phenomenon of victim (sacrificial) behavior is considered by scientists as “provocativeness”, “subordination”, “painful attachment”, “excessive preoccupation with the problems and opinions of others”, “disturbed relationships”, “dependence”, “a set of learned destructive norms of behavior”, “a way adaptation to acute intrapersonal conflict. Such different positions allow us to consider victimhood not only through the prism of deviant behavior as a manifestation of painful dependence, but also as a violation of family interaction, an example of a dysfunctional family model in which the personalities of its members are negatively affected, as a result of which their needs for self-realization are not satisfied and personal growth.

Domestic violence against women takes the form of physical, sexual, economic, as well as psychological humiliation, carried out through discrimination, threats and repression. Domestic violence is not an isolated case of violent behavior by an aggressive husband, nor is it just an outdated custom. In fact, domestic violence and the threat of violence are mechanisms of power and control that the aggressor systematically uses to deprive women of their freedom and opportunities for self-realization, and in the context of general discrimination against women in the world, they are one of the manifestations of general violence against women.

The beliefs and ideas of a psychologist regarding violence, its nature and generating causes, have a decisive influence on the psychological rehabilitation of victims of violence. A psychologist should be free from the myths and prejudices that exist in society, and provide not only emotional, but also moral and ethical support to his clients. The position of solidarity involves not so much a statement about the innocence of the victim, but a deep understanding of the injustice of what happened, acceptance and recognition of the severity of the violence experienced and helping the injured woman to understand the damage done.

Currently, there is a need for special training for both volunteers working on the helpline hotlines and professional psychologists on the issue of domestic violence. To effectively provide psychological assistance to women victims of domestic violence, a psychologist needs to take into account the socio-psychological, personal and behavioral characteristics of such clients.

Domestic violence has no cultural, economic, social or territorial boundaries. Women of various age, professional and social groups can become victims of domestic violence.

Women survivors of domestic violence can be divided into two categories:

the first group - those who encountered this phenomenon only in their own family and did not know it in the family of their parents;
the second group - those who grew up in families where there was violence of parents towards each other or towards children.

Women of any of these groups can either leave the offender after one or more acts of violence, or try to restore, maintain family relationships. The path of avoiding violence is most likely to be chosen by the women of the first group. However, there are many obstacles, among which we can single out a few of the most important.

The social factor determines the gender-role behavior and attitudes of a person. Society itself can impose the preservation of the status of "married woman", since the prestige of being married for a woman in public opinion is higher than being divorced from her husband. In connection with these stereotypes, a woman is forced more often to “not be, but to seem.” As a rule, a woman has a number of stereotyped attitudes that keep her in a situation of domestic violence: the idea that “divorce is a sign of defeat”; conviction of the need to preserve the family "for the sake of children"; belief in the possibility of changing the situation in the family “for the better”; pity for the rapist, the belief that “without her, he will completely disappear,” etc.

The economic factor limits the independence of one of the family members. Due to gender discrimination in the labor market, a woman's salary is usually lower than that of a man, the number of jobs for her is limited either completely or partially, and the presence of children exacerbates the problems of employment and the lack of stable work that brings the income necessary for life.

The housing factor is that in situations of domestic violence there are legal difficulties in evicting the offender from the apartment, and the acquisition of a new apartment by women suffering from domestic violence is almost impossible due to the high cost of housing.

The psychological factor is manifested in the fact that women who have been in a situation of domestic violence for a long time acquire a number of specific character traits and personality traits that make them emotionally dependent on offenders. It is especially difficult for women who experienced violence against themselves even in the parental family, as children, when violence was one of the factors in the formation of personality. They are more often involved in a stereotypically repetitive "game" with the aggressor himself, which is based on the dramatic triangle Stefan Karpman , or "triangle of power".

Developing the ideas of Eric Berne's , Stefan Karpman showed in 1968 that the whole variety of roles underlying the "games people play" can be reduced to three main ones - the Rescuer, the Persecutor and the Victim. The triangle in which these roles are combined symbolizes their connection, constant change. It is typical for a woman to identify herself with the position of the Victim, in this role it is easier not to take responsibility for her actions and decisions. The Persecutor believes that the Victim is to blame for everything, about which he informs either her or the Rescuer. The victim experiences fear of being abandoned, fear that the worst will happen, and so on. She blames the Persecutor for her problems, who "makes" her suffer and look for a Savior. If one can be found, as Karpman shows, then the Victim itself turns into the Persecutor of her tormentor. The presence of the Savior in the form of sympathetic persons or any institutions and organizations capable of listening and supporting the Victim confirms its special value and rightness in their own eyes. The persecutor, as Karpman notes, gets satisfaction from the awareness of the guilt of others and his rightness, as well as his power and superiority in exercising control over the victim. He is content with power over people (man). The Rescuer, on the other hand, receives satisfaction from the fact that he rises above the Victim, helping him to change his current state. You can solve the problem by breaking such relationships, going beyond the triangle.

As women fall into any of the three roles, victims of domestic violence tend to experience feelings of guilt and loneliness. They have low self-esteem, the structure of motivation is dominated by the conviction that their life, successes and failures depend primarily on external circumstances, they tend to ignore reality and minimize their role in the possibility of changes in their personal situation, while they never stay in one place for a long time. the role of the triangle. As a rule, they do not consider themselves capable of actively forming their own social circle and tend to view the established relationship as the result of the actions of their partners or chance.

The psychological portrait of women who have suffered from domestic violence contains a number of important qualities that support the “difficulty of getting out” of a situation of violence.

1. Low self-esteem, depreciation of their capabilities. The rapist inspires and maintains in the woman the conviction of her incompetence, inadequacy and responsibility for the violence committed against her.

2. Addiction. The woman is passive, inactive, does not believe in the possibility of getting away from the aggressor, and even sometimes shows masochistic tendencies in this sense. She often defines her identity through relationships with other people - mainly through relationships with her partner, while losing her self-worth. Addiction may also have an economic edge - the inability to financially provide for oneself and children.

3. Lack of communication skills. Women who are subjected to domestic violence do not have the skills of productive relationships in personal communication. They tend to ignore their unstable psychological state, they are characterized by an inability to recognize emotions and manage their behavior, a lack of understanding of their needs and ways to satisfy them, and ignorance of how to resolve conflicts. These women are deprived of a clear sense of their psychological, physical boundaries, either they begin to trust and open up to people too quickly, or they do not trust anyone and are completely closed.

4. Insulation. The female victim is very often isolated because the husband exercises strict control over her social contacts. Being isolated from society and having no new information about the outside world, a woman becomes dependent. After the beating, she continues to isolate herself emotionally and/or physically because of the shame and fear.

5. Helplessness. This can be caused by the dominance of the aggressor, his active control and desire to control the victim, isolation from the outside world. The feeling of helplessness is often so strong that a woman is unable to make decisions, take care of herself and make her plans for the future. All this, as a rule, leads to depression and suicidal mood. The victim woman does not hope to help herself, but she retains the hope that her partner will change.

6. The predominance of non-constructive psychological defense mechanisms - rationalization, denial, merger, substitution, etc. A woman who has experienced domestic violence even in the past finds it psychologically difficult and ashamed to admit the truth. In some situations, the psychological defense mechanism helps the victim to help survive the abuse. However, subsequently there is a desire to downplay, find an explanation or deny the facts of the use of violence. The fact of rejection of violence occurs unconsciously, but the process of rejection itself is accompanied by deprivation of the integrity of the personality, a violation of mental and physical health, as well as a weak differentiation of one's feelings and often a complete lack of rational reflection. Women who have become victims of domestic violence can unconsciously direct their irritability and dissatisfaction with their situation to a substitute aggressor, a safe figure for themselves - a son, daughter or other people, often “breaking down” and, thus, they experience again and again negative emotions and feelings. guilt. Not having clear ideas about the psychological boundaries of their personality, they replace responsibility for themselves with responsibility for others according to the neurotic mechanism of pathological fusion.

7. Increased anxiety. In victims of abuse, anxiety manifests itself as follows: hyperreactivity in relation to the perceived danger; increased need for control; misinterpreting objectively neutral or positive interpersonal stimuli as threatening or dangerous; somatic symptoms. Violence is inherently frightening, and therefore it is not surprising that victims of domestic violence tend to experience feelings of anxiety and fear, even long after it has stopped. Violence as an action poses a real physical threat, causes a natural fear for one's life.

Psychologists in the course of their work have to deal with victims of violence who have the deepest confidence in their own guilt for the violence. Such victims of violence are prone to self-abasement and self-flagellation. They find wrongdoings in their behavior for which they can be punished, and for which they are eventually punished. Women define them as some kind of immoral act that they really did, or imagined that they did, as a violation of an internal standard, or as a betrayal. They again and again feel guilty for not being able to “avoid” violence against themselves, for “destroying relationships with a partner” again. This feeling is often exacerbated by all the abuser's behavior that instills feelings of guilt and shame in the victim both during and after the act of violence against her. This feeling arises and haunts a woman for a long time and is often expressed in even greater self-isolation from others. It is important to note that the feelings of resentment, humiliation and fear experienced by the victim in a situation of constantly repeated violence are a compensatory mechanism of self-justification that allows the victim not to take responsibility for his own actions and shift the solution of the problems of violence to his tormentor.

How to help women overcome the crisis? Who will be able to support (inform) them when they leave the neurotic triangle of violence? In the practical work of a psychologist, three ways of providing psychological assistance to women who have suffered from domestic violence are considered:

"hot lines" - emergency psychological assistance, "helpline";
face-to-face consultations with a psychologist;
group work with a psychologist in a support group.

Experience shows that almost 80% of women who have received psychological assistance in a situation of domestic violence prefer to receive it through the “helpline”. In this regard, counseling psychologists should follow strict rules of work.

The main task of the consultant is to focus on the client's appeal, to establish the facts without any evaluation and interpretation. The main technique in counseling is listening, and feedback can be expressed by the “minimum reward” technique. Pauses are of great importance, contributing to the ordering of thoughts and feelings of the client. Psychologists are recommended to include reflection during counseling, listen to their inner state, track their feelings and thoughts, learn to accept and manage them. This ability to be aware of one's own emotions and feelings allows the counselor to calmly and carefully consider the situation in which the victim of violence finds herself, offer her informational support and help her make a decision herself, thereby gaining confidence and strength. These counseling techniques are called “crisis intervention”, the main goal of which is to help a woman effectively cope with the psychological trauma of violence. To do this, in the process of counseling, three tasks are set that are resolved by the client with the help of a psychologist:

1) an adequate and clear understanding of what happened;

2) awareness of one's true feelings, control of reactions, overcoming affect;

3) building the boundaries of the individual, clarifying attitudes towards oneself and others;

4) the formation of constructive behavioral models to cope with the consequences of psychotrauma.

Let's consider the following scheme of crisis intervention for women victims of domestic violence. The described scheme of the interview is also used as an introductory phase for short-term psychotherapy.

Introduce yourself to the survivor and explain how you are involved with Women's Crisis Services. Explain your role and tasks. Tell about the help that you can provide to the victim.
Recognize the severity of what happened; Encourage the woman to talk to you about what happened. Be patient, give her time to talk and answer your questions; help express feelings about the abuse; Explain that many victims of violence experience similar feelings and are subject to similar reactions.
Find out the woman's perceptions of the traumatic impact of violence. Find out what she thinks about her actions before and during the abuse.
Explain that many of the victims have a misunderstanding about the extent of their responsibility for what happened: in fact, a woman who experienced violence cannot be to blame for being a victim; summarize what was said and move on to the problem-solving phase.
Help the client identify individual experiences and set priorities, note what worries her the most and what needs to be done first; work together to develop a plan of action to address the critical problems caused by violence.
For each topic of discussion, guide the woman to find alternative solutions. Strengthen and support the woman's feeling that she is in control of the situation and takes responsibility for her life, emphasizing that she makes decisions and will implement them as she sees fit. Guide the woman in assessing her ability to cope with the effects of violence. Find out which of her relatives or friends can support her; Prepare the client for possible reactions to trauma.

Following this scheme greatly facilitates the work of a consultant, allows you to achieve the main thing - to establish two-way communication and trusting contact, to create a comfortable environment for a woman in need of help, confidentiality and peace. For a client who has become a victim of domestic violence, it is extremely important to be aware of her own safety in the absence of a rapist in order to gather her thoughts, focus on her current state, feel faith in her strength and in the ability to cope with a difficult life situation.

In order to prevent domestic violence, it is necessary to approve an anti-discrimination policy against women in society, introduce programs for psychological assistance and rehabilitation of women in crisis family situations, as well as a system of psychological and practical measures aimed at correcting personal sacrificial qualities and preventing victim behavior of women.

What to do if you experience domestic violence?

Think of a security plan

Contact the police

Record the beatings

Contact the police or court again

Ensure your safety

Get the job done

Consider a security plan

Think about your actions in case the act of violence happens again.

Talk about the violence to people you trust (friends, relatives).

Find a place where you can go in case of danger. Discuss in advance with friends and relatives the possibility of granting you temporary asylum.

Make arrangements with your neighbors to call the police if they hear noises and screams from your apartment.

If possible, prepare to record each case of beatings, threats on a photo, video or voice recorder.

Think about how to get rid of weapons if you have them in the house so that they do not fall into the hands of the offender.

In a safe but quickly accessible place, hide the necessary things: some money, spare keys to the house (car), a book with phone numbers, passport, documents for children, other important papers, as well as necessary clothes and medicines.

Decide in advance what valuables you will take with you (jewelry, etc.). In case of urgent need, they can always be sold or pledged.

Try to destroy all things that would help the offender find you (notebooks, envelopes with addresses, etc.).

Find out in advance the phone numbers of local services that can provide you with the support you need (see help map).

eleven

Remember that during violence it is best to trust your own intuition - sometimes you have to run away, sometimes - try to calm the offender.

If the situation is critical, leave the house immediately, even if you did not manage to take the necessary things. Remember that your life is at stake!

Contact the police

If you have been severely beaten or feel your life is in danger, immediately call an ambulance and the police on the single emergency short number 112.

Be as calm as possible after the arrival of the police. Ask law enforcement officers to take your offender to the department.

Report all injuries and property damage to the police.

Tell the police about other incidents of violence against you (if any). Remember if there were any witnesses to this. Give the police their names and contacts.

Write a complaint against the abuser and demand that you accept it. The application must contain information about the scene of the crime, the time of the crime, the identity of the perpetrator, data on the consequences that have occurred, and a request to "initiate a criminal case and bring the guilty person to justice."

If we are talking about constant beatings of mild severity (in practice, the police include such cases even when there is no living space left on a woman), then such actions will fall under Art. 115 part 1 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation (Intentional infliction of minor bodily harm that caused a short-term health disorder or a slight permanent loss of general ability to work) and Art. 6.1.1 of the Code of Administrative Offenses of the Russian Federation (Beatings). Art. 115 part 1 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation refers to cases of private prosecution - this is a type of criminal process that is practiced in the least significant cases. This is where most domestic violence cases come in.

If it is a threat to kill, then this falls under Art. 119 (Threat to kill or inflict grievous bodily harm). Art. 112 (Intentional infliction of moderate bodily harm), art. 117 (Torture). These are articles of public prosecution, according to which the police will independently conduct an investigation.

If the police officers refuse to accept the application, request a meeting with their superiors.

Write down the full name of the police officers, their office phone numbers, protocol number.

Ask for a referral to a forensic medical examination

Fix the beatings

Go to the emergency room to have the beatings or injuries recorded.
During the investigation, the police will seize medical records.
If it is not possible to go to the emergency room, then go to the clinic, they must also accept you there. If you feel really bad, then an ambulance can take you to the hospital.

In the hospital or emergency room, be sure to tell under what circumstances the beatings were received, by whom they were inflicted, when and where. Show the doctor any bodily injuries and report pain.

All data on beatings must be recorded by the doctor on duty in the medical record. In the same card, the doctor will describe the nature of the injuries received and what kind of medical care you received.

Be sure to make sure that the doctor correctly and in detail described the location of the injuries, their size, the period of formation, and the way they were received. Doctors will conduct the necessary studies confirming the signs of a physical
(or sexualized) violence.

Be sure to get a certificate stating that you went to the medical facility
for injuries. The certificate must contain: card number,
date of application, legible full name of the doctor, stamp of the medical institution. It should also indicate that such and such a person applied to a medical institution, who, for example, had a concussion, multiple hematomas
in the region of the upper left forearm, thigh.

This certificate is the basis for the police to start looking into your case. If a person independently goes to the hospital with signs of violence,
then medical institutions are obliged to report all such cases to the police. Law enforcement officers, in turn, are obliged, after a telephone message, to check
and give you a referral for a forensic medical examination. The qualification of the actions of the offender will depend on the results of this examination (article).

Do not forget to take pictures of all the marks of the beatings yourself in order to attach them to the case.
And leave copies of the negatives in a separate place. Collect evidence - involve
witnesses who can prove the fact of beatings and aggressive behavior of the offender.

The police basically do not want to do anything in such cases, so they can simply “lose” all your evidence and evidence. If the rapist has connections
at the police or emergency room, then the evidence, certificate or medical record may also “disappear”. Therefore, it is always better to get copies of all documents.

Contact the police or court again

The best thing to do the next day is to go back to the police and leave another report to the officer on duty. You can also apply for a private prosecution in the Magistrates' Court. Where better and closer to apply - you will also be prompted by phone 112
or previously called police officers. Do not be afraid that your application will be denied. The law is on your side, and the one who refuses to accept the application is a violator.

When you go to the police, you'd better take someone to help you. In addition,
you can ask a woman investigator to take your explanations to the police - this way you will be psychologically more comfortable. For reference: in law enforcement agencies, about two-thirds of interrogators and about half of investigators are women. They are on duty in the investigative-operational group.

Provide an evidence base: a medical document confirming that you have
bodily injuries, the names of witnesses to the crime, photographs of the beatings.

When giving explanations, repeat the content of your statement, but provide as much detail as possible: for example, the systematic nature of the abuse
(about previous episodes of physical abuse, harassment, threats to you personally, children or even a pet) and previous contacts with
police
or emergency room, if any. The story should be full of details: dates, times, the nature of the beatings. If you do not remember the date and time at least approximately, the police will force you to sit and remember until you tell them at least something.

When submitting an application, law enforcement officers are required to issue a notification coupon, which should indicate from whom the application was received, when it was accepted, under what number it was registered.

If necessary, ask the police for a referral for a forensic examination.

Based on your application, one of the following decisions must be made:
- a criminal case has been initiated;
- a decision was made to refuse to initiate a criminal case;
- if the application is filed with the police, then it can be transferred to the court for consideration.

If no decision has been made within 30 days from the date of submission of the application, or you
do not agree with it, then you can appeal the actions of the police officer to higher authorities (the police department or the prosecutor's office).

You also have the right to file a complaint about the refusal to accept and register an application at the police station, evasion of issuing a referral for a forensic medical examination, red tape in initiating a criminal case and its investigation, and other unlawful
and illegal actions of the investigating or inquiry body. You can send your complaint to the head of this police department, the prosecutor or to the court.

In a private prosecution case, the police will try to issue an order
not to prosecute. Then you need to go to the site of the magistrate and write a statement on the initiation of a criminal case of private prosecution already there. The status of private prosecution also means that you have to do everything yourself. Write a statement yourself, bring it to court, achieve its adoption, find witnesses, interrogate them, facilitate the appointment of an examination, prove the guilt of the accused.

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You have to be very meticulous if you want to protect yourself legally.
It is customary in our government agencies to take advantage of the fact that people do not know anything about their rights.
They will not inform about the stages of consideration of the application, so you need to track the process yourself.

Ensure your safety

Don't stay at home. If possible, go to relatives or friends (taking the children if you are a mother). Don't forget to bring your essentials as well.

If you have no one to go to, contact a crisis center for victims of domestic violence. There you will be provided with temporary accommodation. In Moscow, for example, having official registration, you can contact the Crisis Center for Women and Children.
The center provides shelter at any time of the day, and also provides psychological consultations
and lawyers. Upon admission, you must have the following documents with you: passport, birth certificate of the child (if you are a mother), medical policy.

If you do not have a "propiska", then you can apply, for example, to religious institutions that provide assistance to mothers and children who find themselves in a difficult life situation.
They do not ask for registration and other documents. In Moscow, this is the Orthodox crisis center for pregnant women and women with children "House for Mom". At the counseling centre, women can get help from a lawyer, psychologist or social worker. Here you can also get baby clothes, medicines, strollers, baby cots and other necessary
items through the help service "Mercy". The shelter of the crisis center can accept
up to 10 pregnant women or women with children for up to 3 months. The Center provides assistance to women regardless of their age, citizenship, nationality and religion.

If you need psychological help, you can call the All-Russian Helpline for Women Victims of Domestic Violence: 8-800-700-06-00.

If you are economically dependent on the abuser, you can apply for a job search
and the necessary support from the mothers' communities. As part of the Neighborly Business project
, you can get help in finding jobs for mothers in the neighborhood, open your own home business and find your first clients among your neighbors.

Get things done

If a criminal case has been opened, then most likely it will be brought to court. You and the witnesses will be questioned in the courtroom. You will need to apply for an examination of your medical records.

Learn more

Domestic violence recovery

7 Steps of Healing from Domestic Violence

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Psychological assistance to women victims of domestic violence //Psychological newspaper

What to do if you experience domestic violence?

Think of a security plan

Contact the police

Record the beatings

Contact the police or court again

Ensure your safety

Get the job done