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Afraid of meeting new people


NIMH » Social Anxiety Disorder: More Than Just Shyness

Are you afraid of being judged by others? Are you self-conscious in everyday social situations? Do you avoid meeting new people due to fear or anxiety? If you have been feeling this way for at least 6 months and these feelings make it hard for you to do everyday tasks—such as talking to people at work or school—you may have social anxiety disorder.

Social anxiety disorder is an intense, persistent fear of being watched and judged by others. This fear can affect work, school, and other daily activities. It can even make it hard to make and keep friends. The good news is social anxiety disorder is treatable. Learn more about the symptoms of social anxiety disorder and how to find help.

What is social anxiety disorder?

Social anxiety disorder is a common type of anxiety disorder. A person with social anxiety disorder feels symptoms of anxiety or fear in situations where they may be scrutinized, evaluated, or judged by others, such as speaking in public, meeting new people, dating, being on a job interview, answering a question in class, or having to talk to a cashier in a store. Doing everyday things, such as eating or drinking in front of others or using a public restroom, also may cause anxiety or fear due to concerns about being humiliated, judged, and rejected.

The fear that people with social anxiety disorder have in social situations is so intense that they feel it is beyond their control. For some people, this fear may get in the way of going to work, attending school, or doing everyday things. Other people may be able to accomplish these activities but experience a great deal of fear or anxiety when they do. People with social anxiety disorder may worry about engaging in social situations for weeks before they happen. Sometimes, they end up avoiding places or events that cause distress or generate feelings of embarrassment.

Some people with the disorder do not have anxiety related to social interactions but have it during performances instead. They feel symptoms of anxiety in situations such as giving a speech, competing in a sports game, or playing a musical instrument on stage.

Social anxiety disorder usually starts during late childhood and may resemble extreme shyness or avoidance of situations or social interactions. It occurs more frequently in females than in males, and this gender difference is more pronounced in adolescents and young adults. Without treatment, social anxiety disorder can last for many years, or even a lifetime.

What are the signs and symptoms of social anxiety disorder?

When having to perform in front of or be around others, people with social anxiety disorder may:

  • Blush, sweat, or tremble.
  • Have a rapid heart rate.
  • Feel their “mind going blank,” or feel sick to their stomach.
  • Have a rigid body posture, or speak with an overly soft voice.
  • Find it difficult to make eye contact, be around people they don’t know, or talk to people in social situations, even when they want to.
  • Feel self-consciousness or fear that people will judge them negatively.
  • Avoid places where there are other people.

What causes social anxiety disorder?

Risk for social anxiety disorder may run in families, but no one knows for sure why some family members have it while others don’t. Researchers have found that several parts of the brain are involved in fear and anxiety and that genetics influences how these areas function. By studying how the brain and body interact in people with social anxiety disorder, researchers may be able to create more targeted treatments. In addition, researchers are looking at the ways stress and environmental factors play a role in the disorder.

How is social anxiety disorder treated?

If you’re concerned you may have symptoms of social anxiety disorder, talk to a health care provider. After discussing your history, a health care provider may conduct a physical exam to ensure that an unrelated physical problem is not causing your symptoms. A health care provider may refer you to a mental health professional, such as a psychiatrist, psychologist, or clinical social worker. The first step to effective treatment is to get a diagnosis, usually from a mental health professional.

Social anxiety disorder is generally treated with psychotherapy (sometimes called “talk therapy”), medication, or both. Speak with a health care provider about the best treatment for you.

Psychotherapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), a research-supported type of psychotherapy, is commonly used to treat social anxiety disorder. CBT teaches you different ways of thinking, behaving, and reacting to situations to help you feel less anxious and fearful. CBT also can help you learn and practice social skills, which is very important for treating social anxiety disorder. CBT has been well studied and is the gold standard for psychotherapy.

Exposure therapy is a CBT method that focuses on progressively confronting the fears underlying an anxiety disorder to help you engage in activities you have been avoiding. Exposure therapy is sometimes used along with relaxation exercises. CBT delivered in a group therapy format also can offer unique benefits for social anxiety disorder.

Another treatment option for social anxiety disorder is acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). ACT takes a different approach than CBT to negative thoughts and uses strategies such as mindfulness and goal setting to reduce your discomfort and anxiety. Compared to CBT, ACT is a newer form of psychotherapy treatment, so less data are available on its effectiveness. However, different therapies work for different types of people, so it can be helpful to discuss what form of therapy may be right for you with a mental health professional.

For more information on psychotherapy, visit the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) psychotherapies webpage.

Medication

Health care providers may prescribe medication to treat social anxiety disorder. Different types of medication can be effective in treating this disorder, including:

  • Antidepressants, such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) and serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs)
  • Beta-blockers
  • Anti-anxiety medications, such as benzodiazepines

SSRI and SNRI antidepressants are commonly used to treat depression, but they also can help treat the symptoms of social anxiety disorder. They may take several weeks to start working. Antidepressants may also cause side effects, such as headaches, nausea, or difficulty sleeping. These side effects are usually not severe, especially if the dose starts off low and is increased slowly over time. Talk to your health care provider about any side effects that you may experience.

Beta-blockers can help control some of the physical symptoms of social anxiety disorder, such as rapid heart rate, sweating, and tremors. Beta-blockers are commonly the medication of choice for the “performance anxiety” type of social anxiety disorder.

Benzodiazepines, which are anti-anxiety sedative medications, are powerful and begin working right away to reduce anxious feelings. These medications can be very effective in rapidly decreasing anxiety, but some people build up a tolerance to them and need higher and higher doses to get the same effect. Some people even become dependent on them. Therefore, a health care provider may prescribe them only for brief periods of time if you need them.

Both psychotherapy and medication can take some time to work. Many people try more than one medication before finding the best one for them. A health care provider can work with you to find the best medication, dose, and duration of treatment for you. People with social anxiety disorder usually obtain the best results with a combination of medication and CBT or other psychotherapies.

For basic information about these and other mental health medications, visit NIMH’s Mental Health Medications webpage. Visit the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) website for the latest warnings, patient medication guides, and information on newly approved medications. 

Support Groups

Many people with social anxiety find support groups helpful. In a group of people who all have social anxiety disorder, you can receive unbiased, honest feedback about how others in the group see you. This way, you can learn that your thoughts about judgment and rejection are not true or are distorted. You also can learn how others with social anxiety disorder approach and overcome the fear of social situations.

Support groups are available both in person and online. However, any advice you receive from a support group member should be used cautiously and does not replace treatment recommendations from a health care provider.

Both psychotherapy and medication can take some time to work. A healthy lifestyle also can help combat anxiety. Make sure to get enough sleep and exercise, eat a healthy diet, and turn to family and friends who you trust for support. To learn more ways to take care of your mental health, visit NIMH’s Caring for Your Mental Health webpage.

How can I support myself and others with social anxiety disorder?

Educate Yourself

A good way to help yourself or a loved one who may be struggling with social anxiety disorder is to seek information. Research the warning signs, learn about treatment options, and keep up to date with current research.

Communicate

If you are experiencing social anxiety disorder symptoms, have an honest conversation about how you’re feeling with someone you trust. If you think that a friend or family member may be struggling with social anxiety disorder, set aside a time to talk with them to express your concern and reassure them of your support.

Know When to Seek Help

If your anxiety, or the anxiety of a loved one, starts to cause problems in everyday life—such as avoiding social situations at school, at work, or with friends and family—it’s time to seek professional help. Talk to a health care provider about your mental health.

Are there clinical trials studying social anxiety disorder?

NIMH supports a wide range of research, including clinical trials that look at new ways to prevent, detect, or treat diseases and conditions—including social anxiety disorder. Although individuals may benefit from being part of a clinical trial, participants should be aware that the primary purpose of a clinical trial is to gain new scientific knowledge so that others may be better helped in the future.

Researchers at NIMH and around the country conduct clinical trials with patients and healthy volunteers. Talk to a health care provider about clinical trials, their benefits and risks, and whether one is right for you. For more information, visit NIMH's clinical trials webpage.

Finding Help

Behavioral Health Treatment Services Locator

This online resource, provided by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), helps you locate mental health treatment facilities and programs. Find a facility in your state by searching SAMHSA’s online Behavioral Health Treatment Services Locator. For additional resources, visit NIMH's Help for Mental Illnesses webpage.

Talking to a Health Care Provider About Your Mental Health

Communicating well with a health care provider can improve your care and help you both make good choices about your health. Find tips to help prepare for and get the most out of your visit at Taking Control of Your Mental Health: Tips for Talking With Your Health Care Provider. For additional resources, including questions to ask a provider, visit the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality website.

If you or someone you know is in immediate distress or is thinking about hurting themselves, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline toll-free at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You also can text the Crisis Text Line (HELLO to 741741) or use the Lifeline Chat on the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline website.

Reprints

This publication is in the public domain and may be reproduced or copied without permission from NIMH. We encourage you to reproduce and use NIMH publications in your efforts to improve public health. If you do use our materials, we request that you cite the National Institute of Mental Health. To learn more about using NIMH publications, please contact the NIMH Information Resource Center at 1-866‑615‑6464, email [email protected], or refer to NIMH’s reprint guidelines.

For More Information

MedlinePlus (National Library of Medicine) (en español)

ClinicalTrials.gov (en español)

U.S. DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES 
National Institutes of Health
NIH Publication No. 22-MH-8083
Revised 2022

5 Tips to Overcome Your Fear of Meeting New People

Meeting someone for the first time can be a daunting prospect. Thoughts swirl around your head: “What are they going to be like?” “What are we going to talk about?” “Will they like me?” “Will I make a good impression?”

Conquering your fear of meeting new people can unlock doors to new experiences and growth. You may be introverted at heart, but it doesn’t mean that you have to be shy. Shyness is a habit that can be broken just as communication is a skill to be learnt.

Follow our top tips below on how to rid yourself of your fear and build your confidence in meeting new people.

Many introverted people have a habit of overthinking the other person’s behaviour and responses, obsessively thinking over what you said or did. Constantly thinking that everything the other person does is because of you.

But presuming they care so much about what you are doing is, quite frankly, self-centred. After all, when someone else does or says something embarrassing we let it go. We don’t judge them endlessly. We figure we misunderstood them or laugh it off.

“One of the deepest principles of life and leadership: it’s not about you” — Ken Blachard

Are they really late because they don’t care about you? Do they really look tired because you are boring? Are they really being abrupt and rude because you are a terrible person?

The problem with making assumptions like this is that we start to believe that they are the truth. If we just stop our thoughts in their tracks then we will never have to explain anything to ourselves and can be happy not knowing. If we do need to know, then just ask! Simple.

“Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. ” — Don Miguel Ruiz

Time to get real with yourself. Sometimes we fall so far into our panic that we loose sight of what made us fearful in the first place. We stop assessing whether the benefits of facing your fear outweigh the alternative.

‘Facing your fears’ does not mean being less afraid. It actually means that you’ve decided that changing is more favourable than staying the same. We make a bold decision to ‘get out there’ and just start meeting people. All whilst sitting with our uncomfortable feelings of fear and anxiety. Safely sitting with these feelings, knowing that they will pass and it won’t last forever, will build your resilience and significantly reduce your fear over time.

“When I had nothing to loose, I had everything. When I stopped being who I am, I found myself” — Paulo Coehlo

In order to crush your self-conscious habits, bring a new wave of enthusiasm to everything you do: Ask more questions, tell the story of that time you climbed a mountain with extra pauses for dramatic effect, talk about what you really enjoy in life. Speak with integrity and don’t say anything that speaks against your values. People are naturally drawn to others who show passion and enthusiasm!

“I began to realize how important it was to be an enthusiast in life. Lukewarm is no good” — Roald Dahl

Negative thoughts are often debilitating for many people. These thoughts can paralyze us by making us feel inadequate, worthless or incompetent. But we cannot rely on others to bring us strength and confidence. We must make the choice to be our own cheerleader.

When negative thoughts start, stop them in their tracks and replace with a positive thought. You don’t have to believe that positive thought in that moment, you just have to be consistent and always be the voice of reason. Over time, when you are feeling insecure, you will begin to rely on yourself to pull you out of those negative thoughts and put you back on track.

“The world will knock you down plenty. You don’t need to be doing it to yourself” — Elizabeth Scott

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Live communication: how not to be afraid to get acquainted

  • Soft Skills

Live communication is becoming a luxury. Today, when the whole world reminds us of the value of health, live communication and support of loved ones is becoming a new symbol of wealth. People are getting more alone. Do you feel it too?

Snezhana Suryaeva

Business Mentor

Do you feel how much time you spend online? 6 hours 42 minutes is the amount of time we spend daily on the web, according to the statistics agency We Are Social. It turns out that we spend almost the whole day buried in the phone! You have 100500 friends on Facebook and Instagram, but how many real friends? The paradox is that we don’t even know what most of the people on these very smartphones are doing, just as they don’t know anything about us. And even if you meet in the city with a person with whom you actively exchanged hearts and likes on the network, most likely you will have nothing to talk about.

The mounting pressure should remind everyone of the importance of providing support and building an environment of loved ones and like-minded people.

Personal experience

A very sobering story published in March 2019 in The New York Times made us think about time online and feel the reality: "live communication is becoming a luxury. " Rich people don't want to spend their lives online, they don't want their kids to be unable to add real cubes.

I just thought about it and started looking for “networking” and “events” platforms where people meet to find not only useful contacts, but also friends and like-minded people. So I had a goal to travel not for the sake of relaxing and “lying” on the beach, but for the sake of new amazing people whom I simply could not meet in my daily life. From one surf trip I brought from 30 to 50 new contacts of charged, active and positive people. The important thing was that these people had professional skills and qualities that I did not have. These were people from IT, PR-managers, businessmen, designers. The more people I knew, the better we got to know each other, the more opportunities I discovered for myself.

I started attending events, spoke several times to the public, was invited as a speaker in a national project for the development of small and medium-sized businesses. I realized a very important thing: connections and live communication greatly fill my life. After one of my performances, I made friends with a girl who wanted to get to know me personally and came to the event for this. I was pleasantly surprised by this and was very enthusiastic about our acquaintance. Attending events, I noticed that many people are not only lazy, afraid or do not know how to make “correct and useful” acquaintances, but also do not know how to seek help and are “greedy” for their contacts and recommendations. For example, when some problem or task is voiced to me, I immediately begin to remember someone from this area who can help in this situation. Responsiveness, friendliness, enthusiasm - all this can be found if you have a desire to get acquainted.

Life is cyclical, and after any difficulties there will be relief. I hope we no longer need a new epidemic to remind us that the most valuable thing in the life of every person is a person.

How to stop being afraid to make acquaintances

1. Down with paper business cards. This is a “hello” from the past, it makes no sense to offer them for several reasons: the interlocutor may not have his own business cards and he may feel awkward at the moment; the business card must be kept, and your interlocutor may not have this desire. An alternative is to save the QR code to your phone in advance or use an Instagram business card.

2. Smile! Thousands of tips have already sounded on this topic, but the most difficult thing is to “smile” when it’s scary. Any smile is a demonstration of goodwill and openness. Rehearse at home, your confidence is a skill that can be trained.

3. Prepare some phrases to help start the conversation. And remember that only sincere interest will endear you to the interlocutor, the most important thing is to find “common” with the interlocutor. If the person you want to meet is higher in social status, then it is better to ask you to introduce.

4. Be attentive and involved. Think about how you can be useful. The phrase “speak the language of your interlocutor’s benefit” is rather hackneyed, but it is this language that opens up opportunities for you. And, of course, do not be distracted by the phone during the conversation.

5. Remember the boundaries of the interlocutor and try not to impose. If a person does not make contact, and this is impossible not to notice, then you should not be excessively active.

6. What to do if you are very worried? Find your own personal relaxation tool: breathing exercises, a smile, a short pause and other ways. Remember that it is scary and exciting only in the first seconds, and then the conversation captures and is no longer so scary. Most often, we are afraid of being rejected, misunderstood and uninteresting. This passes with experience, and by practicing again and again, any fear can be overcome.

7. Remember that a new acquaintance is a strength for growth, an opportunity to find a partner or friend, gain new competencies or enlist support. You never know how an acquaintance will turn out, perhaps your future friend is sitting right opposite.

The people I met changed my understanding and feeling of life in a colossal way. The main thing is to remember: the world is full of kind and helpful people! In the meantime, it's time to take the time to strengthen relationships with loved ones and rethink what's important.

Read also

Text without fear: The Right to Write by Julia Cameron

The brain and business: what influences what. Part I

Speaking as a Leadership Tool: Principles of Communication

Don't Panic: The Secrets of Public Speaking

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How to overcome the fear of communication? | Blog RSV

Contents of the article

Man is a social being, from birth he is surrounded by people. Throughout childhood and adolescence, a person learns to communicate with people, establish contact and build relationships. But despite this, many people experience fear of communicating with other people. Each new contact with a person causes great discomfort, they become recluses of their own beliefs. This prevents them from building a career, expanding their social circle and fulfilling themselves. The reasons for this behavior can be different, from self-doubt to a psychological disorder. We have prepared 5 effective ways to help you stop being afraid of communication and open up to strangers. We took useful information for the article from our free online course “Building Relationships the Right Way”.

Recognize the problem. Reassure yourself that it doesn't matter

Admit to yourself that you are having difficulty communicating. Think about what internal blocks prevent you from easily interacting with people. Perhaps you are afraid of someone else's opinion or think that something is wrong with you. Tell yourself that it doesn't matter at all. It really doesn't matter what people think of you. Be yourself, consciously hold this thought whenever the fear returns.

Imagine a worst case scenario

Replay in your mind the worst scenarios of a conversation with another person. What terrible thing can happen? The interlocutor will think badly of you, will not want to continue the conversation? Then think about how this qualitatively can affect your life. Most likely, this will not turn your life upside down, will not force you to change jobs or move to another city. In this case, you should not attach great importance to this, and your interlocutor will not remember the unsuccessful conversation the very next day.

Get out of your comfort zone. Communicate with different people

In order to develop the skill of communication, it is important to constantly practice.

Learn more