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Domestic violence characteristics


12 Common Characteristics of Domestic Violence Abusers — WomenSafe, Inc.

Domestic Violence AwarenessDomestic Violence Education

Written By WomenSafe, Inc.

Abusers are master manipulators. Most of the time you may not even realize someone is an abuser because they wait until they are behind closed doors with their victim before unleashing their abusive side.

Below are 12 common characteristics of an abuser you may not be aware of.

  1. Controlling

    Abusers are always trying to gain control over their victims. They do this physically, through restraint and battery, and emotionally, by establishing himself in every branch of her life.

  2. Charming

    Abusers portrays themselves as warm, kind, and caring in order to gain trust and discredit claims of abuse against them.

  3. Jealous

    Abusers may become jealous and angry when their victim spends time with their friends, when they text other people, or even when they go to work.

  4. Inconsistent

    Abusers often exhibit mood swings, and these are unpredictable. They may be smiling one moment and enraged the next.

  5. Manipulative

    Abusers say specific things to evoke responses from their victims. They know exactly what to say and how to act in order to get what they want.

  6. Threatening

    Abusers are known for threatening their victims, but they may also threaten to harm their pets, their children, or even themselves as a means of maintaining control over their victim.

  7. Demanding

    Abusers want complete power over their victims. They often demand to know where their victims go, who they see, and what they do at all times.

  8. Blames the Victim

    Abusers place all the blame on others and never on themselves. They may recite lines such as “If you did what I asked I wouldn’t have to hurt you” or “I only hit you because you told your friends about me.”

  9. Attacks Self-Esteem

    Abusers want to make their victims feel reliant on them. They will tell the victim that they are worthless, ugly, stupid, or unwanted. The less worth they have, the more the victim feels they need their abuser.

  10. Isolation

    Abusers often want to be the only one their victims talk to and depend on. They will try to isolate them from their friends, family, and coworkers so they will have nowhere to go.

  11. Rigid Gender Roles

    Abusers might hold rigid, outdated beliefs about gender roles that place women as inferior to men. They might believe that women should stay within the home, obey orders from men, and do whatever possible to please men. He expects this treatment from her.

  12. Destruction of Property

    Abusers intimidate their victims by breaking their belongings. He might do this to punish his victim; he will destroy things that she needs in order to send the message that whatever he breaks could have been her, or that she could be next.

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call our COPEline at 888-285-5665 available 24 hours a day.

domestic violence awarenessdomestic violence educationDVAM

WomenSafe, Inc.

Characteristics of Abusers and Victims – New York Behavioral Health

Intimate Partner Violence: Characteristics of Abusers and Victims

Partner abuse is a worldwide problem. Between 10% and 50% of all women report having been abused by their intimate partners at some point in their lives (World Health Organization, 2001). In the United States, intimate partner violence is reported by 1.5 million women and 800,000 men (Gondolf & Jones, 2002).

In addition, there are many more cases that are unreported to the police, mental health professionals and even researchers. Victimization is often kept secret due to embarrassment, fear of retaliation by the perpetrator, the wish to avoid legal intrusions into their lives, and the belief that abuse is unavoidable and universal.

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Three Types of Abusers

Abusers can be divided into three groups based on the form of abuse they commit as well as their motivation to change. These two criteria also determine whether they are amenable to intervention.

1. Predatory Abusers

Predatory abusers are not emotionally aroused at the time of the offense but are focused and calculating in their attacks and emotionally distant from their victims (Goodrum, Umberson, & Anderson, 2001). Their abusive behavior is frequent and recurs often. They act compulsively and cause very severe physical and emotional trauma.

If they express any emotion related to the abuse, it is a sadistic satisfaction derived from the suffering of another human being that follows the abuse (Mills & Kroner, 2003). Not surprisingly, predatory abusers often present with borderline personality disorder and sociopathic tendencies (Edwards, Scott, Yarvis, Paizis, & Panizzon, 2003).

2. Affectively Motivated Abusers

Affectively motivated abusers are qualitatively different from predatory abusers in many respects. They are unlikely to present with personality disorders but often have attachment problems. Their abuse is very impulsive that follows a build-up of fear and hurt at times of high volatility and low self-restraint, usually triggered by something in their environment (Volavka, 1995).

They often describe their feelings as intense anger followed by remorse for the effects of their outbursts. They are sensitive to their victim’s distress, which tempers their violence, and differentiates them from predators.

The most common behaviors for affectively motivated abusers are slapping, pushing, breaking objects, slamming doors, etc. Their behavior has generally mild physical effects and more intimidation that affects victims’ self-esteem. They also experience high motivation to change as they feel remorse and empathy for their victims.

3. Instrumental Abusers

Instrumental abusers are considered to be the mid-range group. They use aggression to achieve some desired outcome. Their attack is neither purely planned, nor the result of only intense emotions.

Unlike predators, they are at least somewhat aware of the impact of their actions on the victims. For this group, the achievement of a personal gain is more important than their concerns for others, which results in lower motivation to change.

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Characteristics of Victims

Abuse by one’s intimate partner is usually experienced as an overwhelming betrayal that causes great emotional pain even when the physical injury is minimal. Below are some characteristics victims may portray:

  1. Most often victims are denigrated by the abuse and suffer a loss of self-worth and self-confidence.
  2. They live in fear, worrying about their safety and impending danger.
  3. Sometimes they need to leave their homes in order to protect themselves and their loved ones.
  4. Even though severing ties with the abuser seems like the best solution, many victims choose to stay with the abuser for a variety of reasons.
  5. Sometimes, victims do not leave because they want to provide a family for their children, depend on the abuser financially, emotionally or their religion forbids them from breaking up a marriage.
  6. Even when victims decide to leave, it takes them 5 attempts on average before they succeed (Stroshine & Robinson, 2003). Furthermore, some of the problems persist even after they leave (i.e. harassment and violence from the abuser).

Mental health professionals usually help victims decide whether to stay or leave the relationship, find shelter if they do decide to leave as well as provide training for skills necessary for independent living. Including the victims in the assessment of the abuser, however, is not a widely accepted practice. Including victims in the assessment of the abuser in some cases is the only way for therapists to gain crucial information that they can use to help victims avoid future abuse. This can be empowering for victims.

Just like abusers, victims also differ in many ways. There are two particularly important characteristics of victims that are relevant when it comes to deciding what interventions would help them best: social skills and motivation.

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Skills Helpful to Domestic Violence Victims

Social skills are critical when it comes to both leaving abusive relationships and staying with the partner but ending the abuse. Many victims who leave will need to start new independent lives often with limited resources while feeling mentally and emotionally depleted by the effects of the abuse.

Self-protective skills are also necessary whether victims leave or stay to be able to prevent further injury (Thompson, Simon, Saltzman, & Mercy, 1999). Some examples of skills are the ability to be sensitive to the nuances in their partners’ behavior and to extricate themselves before a conflict escalates to abuse, and to learn to communicate and negotiate better to manage conflicts more effectively.

Motivation is also essential for a positive outcome independently of the fact whether the victim decides to leave or stay with the abuser. Ideally, victims should learn to view abuse as unacceptable and be willing to end the relationship, but in reality, this is not always the case.

If motivated to do so, victims can learn to overcome learned helplessness, which leads to depression, inadequate problem solving and loss of self-esteem (Lysaker, Clements, Wright, Evans, & Marks, 2001). In certain immigrant communities that do not condone intimate partner abuse, victims can become completely isolated and will need help moving on with their lives (Raj & Silverman, 2003). In general, victims need help creating models of abuse-free relationships with or without their partners, and finding social support that can enhance their independence and self-efficacy.

If you’re interested in learning more, please feel free to read the second part of this series below:

If you are struggling, know you’re not alone.

If you are someone you know feels unsafe at home, please reach out to the NYS Domestic and Sexual Abuse Hotline or 911 if you are in immediate danger.  Communication is secure, discreet, private, and available 24 hours/day, 7 days/week by:

Text: 844-997-2121

Chat: OPDV.NY.GOV

Call: 800-942-6906

Domestic Violence References

Stuart, R.B. (2005). Treatment for partner abuse: Time for a paradigm shift. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 36, 254-263.

Gondolf, E. W., & Jones, A. S. (2002). The program effect of batterer programs in three cities. Violence and Victims, 16, 693–704. 

Goodrum, S., Umberson, D., & Anderson, K. L. (2001). The batterer’s view of the self and others in domestic violence. Sociological Inquiry, 7, 221–240.

Edwards, D. W., Scott, C. L., Yarvis, R. M., Paizis, C. L., & Panizzon, M. S. (2003) Impulsiveness, impulsive aggression, personality disorder, and spousal violence. Violence and Victims, 18, 3–14.

Volavka, J. (1995). Neurobiology of violence. Washington DC: American Psychiatric Association.

Stroshine, M. S., & Robinson, A. L. (2003). The decision to end abusive relationships: The role of offender characteristics. Criminal Justice and Behavior, 30, 97–117.

Thompson, M. P., Simon, T. R., Saltzman, L. E., & Mercy, J. A. (1999). Epidemiology of injuries among women after physical assaults: The role of self-protective behaviors. American Journal of Epidemiology, 150, 235–244.

Lysaker, P. H., Clements, C. A., Wright, D. E., Evans, J., & Marks, K. (2001). Neurocognitive correlates of helplessness, hopelessness, and well-being in schizophrenia. Journal of Nervous and Mental Diseases, 180, 457–462.

Raj, A., & Silverman, J. G. (2003). Immigrant South Asian women at greater risk from intimate partner violence. American Journal of Public Health, 93, 435–437.

Scientific research of the Faculty of Economics. Electronic journal. Volume 1. Issue 1.

Dear reader!

Your attention is invited to a new electronic journal “Scientific research of the Faculty of Economics. Electronic Journal" . It publishes research papers carried out by scientists of Moscow State University and other research institutions and higher educational institutions. The electronic journal contains publications in the form of articles, short messages, reviews on various areas of the economic sphere of society. An important place is given to the materials of discussions and round tables.

The need for such a publication is long overdue and due to the intensity of the scientific life carried out at the Faculty of Economics. Thus, in 2008, researchers and lecturers of the Faculty of Economics of Moscow State University published 737 different papers. At the same time, the total volume of publications increased from 2114 p. p. in 2007 to 2574, 1 p.l. in 2008, i.e. by 22%. 559 articles were published (485 in 2007), with a total volume of 512 pp. (354 pp in 2007). This is almost 45% more than in 2007. The publications published by the Faculty (Bulletin of Moscow State University, the Economics series, Economic Almanac, Philosophy of Economics, etc.) cannot cope with the increased flow of finished manuscripts. But we are talking not only about expanding the possibilities for publishing in a quantitative aspect, but also about creating a qualitatively new multimedia electronic product. This approach is primarily reflected in the content of the journal and its structure. Along with general theoretical sections devoted to the methodological aspects of economic science, mathematical and statistical tools, a significant place is given to specific areas of economics, economic policy issues and economic education. The editorial policy of the journal is focused on the reflection in the articles of the main directions and topics of scientific research conducted at the Faculty of Economics in the context of the problems of world economic science. It is no coincidence that the headings of the journal take into account the names of the modern alphanumeric classification system in economic theory (Journal of Economic Literature). The editorial board of the journal sets itself an ambitious task - to make the journal recognizable among reputable economic publications and known to the world economic community, reflecting the latest achievements of economic science. Therefore, if at the first stage the Russian-language version of the journal is published, accompanied by the translation into English of the titles of articles with a brief annotation and the names of the authors, then at the second stage of the development of the journal, it will become bilingual. The scientific fame of the journal will be facilitated by openness and wide accessibility to the materials published in the journal around the clock. The magazine will be published at least twice a year. To maintain high quality, an examination of all materials will be carried out. At least one specialist with a doctorate degree in the specialty of this work can act as a reviewer. World-renowned scientists will be involved in cooperation within the framework of journals in various roles (author, reviewer, member of the editorial board and editorial board), which will also ensure the high quality of published materials.

A distinctive feature of this electronic journal is the efficiency of publishing materials received by the editorial office, since the publishing cycle will consist only of editing, proofreading and electronic preparation of materials. The reader will be able to get acquainted with the latest ideas of modern economic science and thus touch the cutting edge of science.

The activities of the journal are regulated by the Regulations on the scientific electronic journal of the Faculty of Economics of Moscow State University, as well as by regulatory documents and the current legislation of the Russian Federation.

All materials contained in the electronic resources (local and remote access) of the electronic journal are considered published and are subject to copyright.

We invite all interested parties to cooperate.

Dean of the Faculty of Economics, Moscow State University
Kolesov

Contents

Kolesov V.P. Opening speech of the editor-in-chief // Scientific research of the Faculty of Economics. Electronic journal. 2009. No. 1, p. 1-2.

Porohovsky A.A. Market development and political economy // Scientific research of the Faculty of Economics. Electronic journal. 2009. No. 1, p. 3-25.

Shastitko A.E. Clusters as a Discrete Institutional Alternative to Transaction Management // Scientific Research of the Faculty of Economics. Electronic journal. 2009. No. 1, p. 26-43.

Semenov A.L. Specificity of mergers and acquisitions in the Russian Federation. Management approach // Scientific research of the Faculty of Economics. Electronic journal. 2009. No. 1, p. 44-61.

Kalabikhina I.E., Kozlov V.A. Domestic violence against women in modern Russia: the impact of socio-demographic characteristics of spouses on the prevalence of violence // Scientific research of the Faculty of Economics. Electronic journal. 2009. No. 1, p. 62-84.

Petrin E.V. Actual aspects of determining the effectiveness and efficiency of the marketing department // Scientific research of the Faculty of Economics. Electronic journal. 2009. No. 1, p. 85-94.

Sidorenko V.N. Modeling indicators of development of the Russian energy market // Scientific research of the Faculty of Economics. Electronic journal. 2009. No. 1, p. 95-104.

Kuznetsov B.V., Aleksashenko S.V. Long-term consequences of anti-crisis policy. Dispute club "Knots of economic policy" ANCEA // Scientific research of the Faculty of Economics. Electronic journal. 2009. No. 1, p. 105-126.

How to understand that you have contacted a rapist

  • Analia Llorente
  • BBC

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Image caption,

Do you know how to spot a potential rapist?

He wants to know every minute what you are doing and who you are with. He gets angry when you don't do what he wants. He is constantly instructing you not to make any mistake.

If this is you, a relative or someone you know, this means that your or their partner is a potential abuser who wants to take complete control of your or their life.

Tere Diaz Sendra, a psychotherapist from Mexico who specializes in helping families, says so. She wrote a book, How to Recognize an Abusive Partner.

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"It may sound surprising, but in this century, when we are gradually moving towards gender equality, patients constantly come to me who are trapped because of jealous, partners who control their behavior,” she said in an interview with the BBC. “But it happens, and women are most often the victims.”

Tere Diaz Sendra, who takes part in programs to prevent domestic violence, explains what controlling behavior is, how to recognize it and how to avoid it.

image copyrightCourtesy Tere Díaz Sendra.

Image caption,

"It's time to be the woman you want to be," says Tere Diaz Sendra

Who should be considered your controlling partner?

This is a rude, hard, unceremonious person who does not show you respect.

We have all tried to control someone else at some point, but the potential rapist is different in that he uses some of his privileges to dominate the other person so that he obeys his will, desires and requirements.

Abusive strategy

Typically, such people resort to seduction on the one hand, and manipulation, intimidation and even threats of physical violence on the other.

In the most dangerous cases, they show the symptoms of people suffering from a severe form of narcissism.

They want their victim to reach a state in which she herself does not trust her own thoughts and feelings, so that she stops expressing her opinions and preferences, and, in the end, would be convinced that she herself is to blame for everything, that she will not be able to change anything in his life.

But this is an extreme option.

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The abuser's personality and behavior

  • He boasts about his past love affairs
  • He doesn't put any effort into improving his relationship with his partner
  • He acts disrespectfully He constantly wants to be in charge
  • He is not interested in the feelings of others
  • He likes control and power over others
  • He rarely takes responsibility for his actions
  • He despises those who do not share his worldview, even if it is his partner
  • In order to soften the consequences of his bad behavior, he resorts to jokes, irony and sarcasm
  • The main thing for him is the satisfaction of his own desires, including sexual ones
  • He often lies
  • He tries to avoid conflict situations if he cannot control them
  • He is charming

Source: book "How to recognize an abusive partner"

Do women do this?

Physical and emotional abuse is mainly committed by those who have more power and control.

As a result of a number of factors, women are taught from an early age to put the interests of someone else ahead - be it children or a partner. And men are accustomed from the same early childhood to be the main characters.

Of course, women can also be abusers: they can control their partner economically because they earn more money, or they can prevent him from seeing children. There are many ways to control and humiliate a partner, or simply treat them as some sort of inanimate object.

Genetics or upbringing?

There are many reasons why people resort to physical or emotional abuse.

Some people are not inherently violent by nature, but are characterized by impulsiveness or nervousness. They are more prone to feelings such as disappointment or desire for momentary pleasure. They also need constant encouragement.

Such people are able to do something inappropriate towards others, even if they did not mean it.

But let's not forget that we live in a male-dominated society that favors certain views about what the words "courage" and "independence" mean.

Boys are taught from childhood to be "real men", but this may lead to the normalization of the use of violence.

Image copyright, Getty Images

Image caption,

Abusers often fail to understand that the word "no" really means "no"

Women live in such conditions, they do not create them.

We live in a patriarchal world where others turn a blind eye or consider normal situations in which one person controls another.

If a woman is convinced that she is right, if she directly and clearly says what she thinks, if she is offended by something, then she is considered crazy, sexually preoccupied, and so on.

But if a man shows the same characteristics, then those around him praise him for his strength of character.

Can abusers change their behavior?

If they want it themselves, then yes.

But this is a difficult process, because practically no one in a privileged position wants to lose these privileges.

If your partner is showing symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder, or if there are signs that he is a sociopath, I would advise you to get out of this situation as soon as possible. This is an incorrigible person.

But there are times when men say: they did not realize that they were frightening their partners with their actions. Such people are able to change their behavior.

What should one say to such men?

The cost of such behavior can be high.

When relationships between partners change or lead to a crisis, it is easier for women to find emotional and psychological support.

In a crisis, men are more at risk in terms of their emotional and physical health. They are not sure if they are loved for who they are or for controlling the behavior of everyone around them.

Learn more