How to change behavior patterns

The Habit Change Cheatsheet: 29 Ways to Successfully Ingrain a Behavior

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. – Aristotle

Our daily lives are often a series of habits played out through the day, a trammeled existence fettered by the slow accretion of our previous actions.

By Leo Babauta

But habits can be changed, as difficult as that may seem sometimes.

I’m a living example: in tiny, almost infinitesimal steps, I’ve changed a laundry list of habits. Quit smoking, stopped impulse spending, got out of debt, began running and waking early and eating healthier and becoming frugal and simplifying my life and becoming organized and focused and productive, ran three marathons and a couple of triathlons, started a few successful blogs, eliminated my debt … you get the picture.

It’s possible.

And while I’ve written about habit change many times over the course of the life of Zen Habits, today I thought I’d put the best tips all together in one cheatsheet, for those new to the blog and for those who could use the reminders.

Keep it simple
Habit change is not that complicated. While the tips below will seem overwhelming, there’s really only a few things you need to know. Everything else is just helping these to become reality.

The simple steps of habit change:

1. Write down your plan.

2. Identify your triggers and replacement habits.

3. Focus on doing the replacement habits every single time the triggers happen, for about 30 days.

That’s it. We’ll talk more about each of these steps, and much more, in the cheatsheet below.

The Habit Change Cheatsheet
The following is a compilation of tips to help you change a habit. Don’t be overwhelmed — always remember the simple steps above. The rest are different ways to help you become more successful in your habit change.

1. Do just one habit at a time. Extremely important. Habit change is difficult, even with just one habit. If you do more than one habit at a time, you’re setting yourself up for failure. Keep it simple, allow yourself to focus, and give yourself the best chance for success. Btw, this is why New Year’s resolutions often fail — people try to tackle more than one change at a time.

2. Start small. The smaller the better, because habit change is difficult, and trying to take on too much is a recipe for disaster. Want to exercise? Start with just 5-10 minutes. Want to wake up earlier? Try just 10 minutes earlier for now. Or consider half habits.

3. Do a 30-day Challenge. In my experience, it takes about 30 days to change a habit, if you’re focused and consistent. This is a round number and will vary from person to person and habit to habit. Often you’ll read a magical “21 days” to change a habit, but this is a myth with no evidence. Seriously — try to find the evidence from a scientific study for this. A more recent study shows that 66 days is a better number (read more). But 30 days is a good number to get you started. Your challenge: stick with a habit every day for 30 days, and post your daily progress updates to a forum.

4. Write it down. Just saying you’re going to change the habit is not enough of a commitment. You need to actually write it down, on paper. Write what habit you’re going to change.

5. Make a plan. While you’re writing, also write down a plan. This will ensure you’re really prepared. The plan should include your reasons (motivations) for changing, obstacles, triggers, support buddies, and other ways you’re going to make this a success. More on each of these below.

6. Know your motivations, and be sure they’re strong. Write them down in your plan. You have to be very clear why you’re doing this, and the benefits of doing it need to be clear in your head. If you’re just doing it for vanity, while that can be a good motivator, it’s not usually enough. We need something stronger. For me, I quit smoking for my wife and kids. I made a promise to them. I knew if I didn’t smoke, not only would they be without a husband and father, but they’d be more likely to smoke themselves (my wife was a smoker and quit with me).

7. Don’t start right away. In your plan, write down a start date. Maybe a week or two from the date you start writing out the plan. When you start right away (like today), you are not giving the plan the seriousness it deserves. When you have a “Quit Date” or “Start Date”, it gives that date an air of significance. Tell everyone about your quit date (or start date). Put it up on your wall or computer desktop. Make this a Big Day. It builds up anticipation and excitement, and helps you to prepare.

8. Write down all your obstacles. If you’ve tried this habit change before (odds are you have), you’ve likely failed. Reflect on those failures, and figure out what stopped you from succeeding. Write down every obstacle that’s happened to you, and others that are likely to happen. Then write down how you plan to overcome them. That’s the key: write down your solution before the obstacles arrive, so you’re prepared.

9. Identify your triggers. What situations trigger your current habit? For the smoking habit, for example, triggers might include waking in the morning, having coffee, drinking alcohol, stressful meetings, going out with friends, driving, etc. Most habits have multiple triggers. Identify all of them and write them in your plan.

10. For every single trigger, identify a positive habit you’re going to do instead. When you first wake in the morning, instead of smoking, what will you do? What about when you get stressed? When you go out with friends? Some positive habits could include: exercise, meditation, deep breathing, organizing, decluttering, and more.

“Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.” – Mark Twain

11. Plan a support system. Who will you turn to when you have a strong urge? Write these people into your plan. Support forums online are a great tool as well — I used a smoking cessation forum on about. com when I quit smoking, and it really helped. Don’t underestimate the power of support — it’s really important.

12. Ask for help. Get your family and friends and co-workers to support you. Ask them for their help, and let them know how important this is. Find an AA group in your area. Join online forums where people are trying to quit. When you have really strong urges or a really difficult time, call on your support network for help. Don’t smoke a cigarette, for example, without posting to your online quit forum. Don’t have a drop of alcohol before calling your AA buddy.

13. Become aware of self-talk. You talk to yourself, in your head, all the time — but often we’re not aware of these thoughts. Start listening. These thoughts can derail any habit change, any goal. Often they’re negative: “I can’t do this. This is too difficult. Why am I putting myself through this? How bad is this for me anyway? I’m not strong enough. I don’t have enough discipline. I suck.” It’s important to know you’re doing this.

14. Stay positive. You will have negative thoughts — the important thing is to realize when you’re having them, and push them out of your head. Squash them like a bug! Then replace them with a positive thought. “I can do this! If Leo can do it, so can I!” :)

15. Have strategies to defeat the urge. Urges are going to come — they’re inevitable, and they’re strong. But they’re also temporary, and beatable. Urges usually last about a minute or two, and they come in waves of varying strength. You just need to ride out the wave, and the urge will go away. Some strategies for making it through the urge: deep breathing, self-massage, eat some frozen grapes, take a walk, exercise, drink a glass of water, call a support buddy, post on a support forum.

16. Prepare for the sabotagers. There will always be people who are negative, who try to get you to do your old habit. Be ready for them. Confront them, and be direct: you don’t need them to try to sabotage you, you need their support, and if they can’t support you then you don’t want to be around them.

17. Talk to yourself. Be your own cheerleader, give yourself pep talks, repeat your mantra (below), and don’t be afraid to seem crazy to others. We’ll see who’s crazy when you’ve changed your habit and they’re still lazy, unhealthy slobs!

18. Have a mantra. For quitting smoking, mine was “Not One Puff Ever” (I didn’t make this up, but it worked — more on this below). When I wanted to quit my day job, it was “Liberate Yourself”. This is just a way to remind yourself of what you’re trying to do.

19. Use visualization. This is powerful. Vividly picture, in your head, successfully changing your habit. Visualize doing your new habit after each trigger, overcoming urges, and what it will look like when you’re done. This seems new-agey, but it really works.

20. Have rewards. Regular ones. You might see these as bribes, but actually they’re just positive feedback. Put these into your plan, along with the milestones at which you’ll receive them.

21. Take it one urge at a time. Often we’re told to take it one day at a time — which is good advice — but really it’s one urge at a time. Just make it through this urge.

22. Not One Puff Ever (in other words, no exceptions). This seems harsh, but it’s a necessity: when you’re trying to break the bonds between an old habit and a trigger, and form a new bond between the trigger and a new habit, you need to be really consistent. You can’t do it sometimes, or there will be no new bond, or at least it will take a really really long time to form. So, at least for the first 30 days (and preferably 60), you need to have no exceptions. Each time a trigger happens, you need to do the new habit and not the old one. No exceptions, or you’ll have a backslide. If you do mess up, regroup, learn from your mistake, plan for your success, and try again (see the last item on this list).

23. Get rest. Being tired leaves us vulnerable to relapse. Get a lot of rest so you can have the energy to overcome urges.

24. Drink lots of water. Similar to the item above, being dehydrated leaves us open to failure. Stay hydrated!

25. Renew your commitment often. Remind yourself of your commitment hourly, and at the beginning and end of each day. Read your plan. Celebrate your success. Prepare yourself for obstacles and urges.

26. Set up public accountability. Blog about it, post on a forum, email your commitment and daily progress to friend and family, post a chart up at your office, write a column for your local newspaper (I did this when I ran my first marathon). When we make it public — not just the commitment but the progress updates — we don’t want to fail.

27. Engineer it so it’s hard to fail. Create a groove that’s harder to get out of than to stay in: increase positive feedback for sticking with the habit, and increase negative feedback for not doing the habit. Read more on this method.

28. Avoid some situations where you normally do your old habit, at least for awhile, to make it a bit easier on yourself. If you normally drink when you go out with friends, consider not going out for a little while. If you normally go outside your office with co-workers to smoke, avoid going out with them. This applies to any bad habit — whether it be eating junk food or doing drugs, there are some situations you can avoid that are especially difficult for someone trying to change a bad habit. Realize, though, that when you go back to those situations, you will still get the old urges, and when that happens you should be prepared.

29. If you fail, figure out what went wrong, plan for it, and try again. Don’t let failure and guilt stop you. They’re just obstacles, but they can be overcome. In fact, if you learn from each failure, they become stepping stones to your success. Regroup. Let go of guilt. Learn. Plan. And get back on that horse.

Your net worth to the world is usually determined by what remains after your bad habits are subtracted from your good ones. – Benjamin Franklin

The 6 Stages of Behavior Change: A How-To Guide

According to the transtheoretical model of change, there are six stages of behavior change.

1. Precontemplation stage

At this stage, people are not yet aware of the negative behavior they need to change.

They don’t see their behavior as a problem and aren’t interested in getting help.

They may become defensive if someone pressures them to change. They also avoid speaking, reading, or thinking about it.

They may also absorb information about this problem from family, friends, or the media, but won’t take action until they see it as problematic.

2. Contemplation stage

At this stage, people are aware of the negative consequences or problems. But they’re not yet ready to change their unhealthy behavior.

They do start thinking about it, however. They know it’s necessary to change but aren’t ready.

They might weigh the pros and cons and whether the long-term benefits outweigh the short-term effort.

This stage can last a few days or an entire lifetime, depending on the individual.

3. Preparation or determination stage

This is the phase when a person is ready to make a change. They become committed to changing and motivated to take the necessary steps.

They read, talk, and gather information about the problem.

The preparation stage is crucial to the success of behavior change. Skipping this stage can drastically decrease your chances of success.

4. Action stage

At this stage, people use the strategies they learned in the previous phase to start a new, healthy behavior.

This takes willpower, and there is a high risk of failure and slipping back into old behavior and habits.

It can help to avoid external temptation and set rewards for achieving intermediate goals.

The support of others is also essential at this stage.

5. Maintenance stage

In this stage, people have made progress and realized the benefits of changing.

They understand that maintaining change will require effort, but they are aware of its value.

They create strategies to prevent relapse until the new habit becomes familiar and natural.

6. Relapse stage

This stage is when people slip back into their old behaviors and habits.

Relapsing is a normal part of the process of change.

The key is to identify the trigger that caused the failure and look for new and better strategies for dealing with it.

Bearing in mind the benefits of the change helps regain motivation when restarting the stages of change model.

How to change behavior

Now that you understand the elements of change and the six stages of behavior change, it’s time to put them into action.

Let’s take a look at four of the most common areas of behavior change and some behavior change interventions for each one.

1. Nutrition

If you’ve ever tried a radical change in your diet and eating habits, you know how difficult it can be.

Instead of extreme, unsustainable changes, try introducing small changes one at a time.

Research shows that this approach makes it easier to sustain changes over the long term.

For example, if you drink a lot of soda, try reducing your consumption to one per day for a while. Eventually, you’ll find it easier to let go of that one-soda-a-day habit.

2. Physical activity

If you’re the kind of person who pays for a gym membership but never goes, you need to be strategic in your approach to physical activity.

For example, you can build physical activity into your daily routine with a few simple tweaks.

Leave your car a few blocks from the office and walk the rest of the way.

Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Get a standing desk.

But exercise is important, and these changes alone, though good, might not be enough.

To stay committed to exercise, find something you enjoy doing (yes, you have permission to cancel your gym membership).

Whether it’s a brisk walk in the woods, a round of golf, a choreographed dance routine, or even a game of Twister, it’s important to have fun while exercising.

Tracking your goals and progress and logging your activity can also help you stay motivated.

3. Medication non-adherence

According to research, 50% of chronic disease medications are not taken according to the prescription.

If you struggle with taking your prescribed medication, follow these steps:

Set an alarm to help you remember to take it.
Use a pillbox labeled with the days of the week, so you can see when you’ve taken it and when you haven’t.
Make a note on your phone or use a medication reminder app.

But remember, if you are having trouble taking any prescribed medication, it is always recommended to discuss it with your doctor first.

4. Insomnia

Clinicians use a form of cognitive behavioral therapy to treat patients with insomnia. It’s an intervention known as brief behavioral therapy for insomnia.

This is a four-step process that you can try to improve your sleep patterns and reduce insomnia.

Keep a sleep diary for two weeks.

Track the time you go to bed, time taken to fall asleep, how often you wake up and for how long, what time you wake up, and what time you get out of bed.

Set a wake-up time

Decide what time you would like to get up and set your alarm for that time each morning.

Get out of bed when your alarm goes off, no matter what kind of night you’ve had.

Limit your total time in bed

After tracking your sleep for two weeks, calculate the average number of hours you sleep per night.

Add 30 minutes to that number to calculate your total time in bed limit.

Calculate your target bedtime

Subtract your total time in bed from your wake-up time to calculate your target bedtime.

Aim to go to bed at this time (and not before), as long as you are sleepy.

Increase your total time in bed by 15 to 30 minutes per week as your sleep cycle starts to regulate itself.

Lasting behavior change is possible

How to change your habits: a matrix of human behavior patterns

Over the past decade, representatives of various scientific fields have shown remarkable interest in how the human brain works. Gamification, psychology of influence, psychology of emotions, neuromarketing and many other technologies offer more and more new ways to influence human behavior.

At the heart of each of these methods is the same goal - changing habits. The problem is this: until now, an incredible number of methods that supposedly can change human behavior have been something like a “hodgepodge” of theories and hypotheses made by once eminent scientists and researchers.

Books and scientific articles devoted to this subject do not explain absolutely anything, since the ideas described there are sometimes not only internally contradictory, but also mutually exclusive.

Scientists position their methods as a panacea. For example, some of them are confident that, for example, earning badges and gradually moving from one level of difficulty to another will help obese people become slim. But this is practically impossible.

Others claim that in order to achieve success, you need to set specific goals and set yourself deadlines. But this does not always help.

This article will help you choose the most effective habit change method for a particular person's behavior.

Contents

Behavior Matrix

Which behavior are you changing?

1. Amateur (Amateur)
2. Expert (Expert)
3. Addict
4. Habitué

Instead of imprisonment

How to change your habits? - Control the environment!

Behavior Matrix

In order to understand all the above technologies and learn how to use them correctly in real life, Nir Eyal, a psychologist, writer and consultant, developed a matrix of human behavior patterns, each of which corresponds to certain methods of changing habits.

To build the matrix, the following criteria were used: the degree of self-control (low or high) and the involuntary reaction (to relieve pain or seek pleasure) of a person to events happening to him.

What behavior are you changing?

How to change habits using the Behavior Matrix? Imagine that you want to change some behavior of your client. First you need to understand what behavior model you will have to deal with, and only then choose the appropriate techniques and techniques.

So, let's look at each of the behavior models in more detail.

1. Amateur (Amateur)

Nir Eyal calls Lovers people whose actions are aimed at obtaining quick pleasure at a relatively low cost of willpower. The habits of Lovers are almost identical to the activities that are part of the daily routine of most of us: morning shower, breakfast, walk, checking mail, etc.

To change the habits of Lovers, standard methods of influencing human behavior are suitable. We are talking about various kinds of external stimuli. It could be an alarm clock, an audio reminder, or even a specific object like a strategically placed floss. :)

After a while, when a person develops a new habit, the need to use external triggers disappears.

It should be noted that the “Amateur” model is the starting point for the formation of the remaining types of behavior: an Amateur can easily turn into an Expert or a Regular, or an Addict (Addict).

For example, a person who has no experience with a computer first learns the simplest algorithms and combinations (Amateur), and over time, making more and more efforts, improves his skills to the level of an Expert. But at the same time, an ex-Amateur may develop an unhealthy addiction to computer games, and very quickly turn into an Addict.

The Lover's Behavior Change Model includes the following methods:

Baby steps method (small actions that contribute to the achievement of goals).
Planning and control.
Using external triggers.

Poor methods:

The requirement to strictly follow the instructions.
Competition.
Feelings of guilt and punishment.

How to develop a new habit? 5 step strategy

2. Expert (Expert)

The "Expert" behavior model requires a high degree of self-control from a person. All actions of the Expert are brought almost to automatism. This behavior pattern is typical of professional tennis players, chess players, computer engineers, highly skilled surgeons, musicians, etc.

To become an Expert, diligent long-term practice is necessary. A person must accustom his body and mind to react with lightning speed to ongoing events and make quick, informed decisions. To acquire the skills necessary to complete tasks at the Expert level, you need to set specific goals and determine the time frame for achieving them.

Since the development of professional skills requires a high degree of self-control, the transition from the “Amateur” behavior model to the “Expert” model most often occurs in the presence of external motivators. In this case, the coach, boss or even one of the family members will have the strongest influence on the person.

Methods for developing habits inherent in the "Expert" behavior model:

"Conscious Practice".
Mentorship.
Error analysis.
Competition.

Poor methods:

Development of professional skills at the level of "muscle memory".
Improving skills that no longer require maximum concentration and attention from a person.

The psychology of productivity - how to do more in a short time?

3. Addict

To re-experience the state of bliss, the Addict must inhale, swallow, or inject an addictive drug. Often, in pursuit of another dose of pleasure, drug addicts do not hesitate to resort to the most inhumane methods.

Many studies of the process of addiction to narcotic substances have shown that at the sight of a drug, the brain of an addicted person is subjected to severe stress. Therefore, an unhealthy pattern of behavior becomes the only possible way to get rid of this kind of experience.

Since the use of narcotic drugs destroys both the mental and physical health of a person, the appearance and behavior of an "experienced" drug addict has several visible signs: a distant look, slurred speech, poor coordination of movements, increased irritability and rudeness.

It is possible to change the behavior pattern of an addict only if he himself wants it. Without a person realizing the seriousness of this problem and the desire to get rid of it, none of the methods listed below will bring any result.

Methods for changing the behavior of drug addicts:

Gradual decrease in the dose of the drug taken (detoxification of the body).
Participation in social projects, attending meetings of anonymous drug addicts.
Substitution maintenance therapy (a form of medical care based on the use of a similar or identical substance in the treatment of addiction).
Setting strict goals and setting deadlines for completing tasks.

Poor methods:

Punishment.
Reminder to the patient of his current condition.

The area of best perception, or How does technology affect motivation?

4. Habitué

Despite the fact that the word "habit" most often has a negative connotation, the pattern "Regular" has a slightly different connotation.

This type of behavior can have both beneficial and detrimental effects: it all depends on what habits we are talking about. For example, the habit of running in the morning is regarded by most of us as beneficial. The peculiarity of the behavior of the Regular is that he treats this ritual as his duty, while the Lover runs for his own pleasure.

Please note that some of the techniques used for the Amateur and Expert behaviors are ineffective for the Addict and Regular models. For example, the "carrot and stick" method of motivating the Amateur and the Expert to move towards their goal will have the opposite effect in the case of the Regular or the Addict.

To change the habits of the Regular, it is necessary to use methods that level the feeling of discomfort that may arise if the desires of a person are not fulfilled. These include:

Increasing emotional and volitional stability.
Raising the pain threshold.
Sports.
Meditation.
Self-acceptance (satisfaction with a person's current level of individual development).

Poor methods:

Evaluation of the obtained results.
Encouragement and punishment.

Instead of conclusion

Despite the fact that Nir Eyal used only two criteria to classify human behavior patterns, the matrix he developed is a unique tool that can be useful not only for psychologists, but also for marketers. :)

High conversions for you! How to change destructive patterns of behavior patterned actions and habitual ways of responding.

A person shapes circumstances in his life by making choices.

By his actions and thoughts he brings himself to the place where he is now.

People want to break out of the vicious circle, but the old destructive patterns of behavior do not allow them to do so.

The tendency to act in a certain way prevents them from reaching a different level of life.

If you want to improve your quality of life, the only way is to replace your old habits with new ones.

In this article, we will look at how to change the outdated behavior so that your future is better than where you are now.

Table of Contents:

Three Key Ingredients That Will Help Change Old Destructive Behaviors

1. The Highest Choice

At every moment, in every situation, learn to make the choice that will lead to the best possible outcome.

Ability to do is the highest choice , especially in serious situations - this is the state of awareness.

Suppose you had an unpleasant conversation with a person. You can be offended, as most women do, or show aggression, attack a person in response to his inappropriate behavior.

But the highest choice in this situation would be - do not retract . Time to switch to the position of the observer.

Use two simple meditations that will help you not get involved in conflict situations.

Learn not to take everything that happens and is said personally. Understand that the event may have nothing to do with you personally.

Often the understanding of the highest choice comes after the event.

But even if these realizations come later, after a while, this is already a breakthrough, since you were able to see another solution .

This means that if you find yourself in a similar situation another time, you will be able to slow down, stop and make an informed choice.

Most people unconsciously continue to get involved in the game of "energy ping-pong".

If you fail to react automatically in a difficult situation, pause, mentally say “stop”.

Take a deep breath in and out into the solar plexus and ask yourself the question: Will my reaction be the highest choice for me now?

With the help of the Creation of Higher Reality meditation, you will be able to absorb the sensations of the highest manifestation of yourself in order to tune in to this vibration in your daily life and make the highest choice.

In situations where you are one of the participants, and not the main character, sometimes it is enough to pause and let the events unfold on their own .

To stop feeding this powerful stream of negative thoughts that will appear in the head with great speed.

Without your nourishment in the form of experiences, events will unfold in the most magical way.

To pause and let the situation happen without your participation is also a manifestation of the highest choice.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is not get emotionally immersed in worries, confusions and clarifications, but keep your balance .

Suppose you are faced with a choice: save your family or lose it, move to a new job or stay at the old one.

You cannot guarantee that the situation will unfold exactly the way you want it to.

Your task is to maintain balance from the inside, maintain this state and not turn on.

When you have a clear understanding inside that this is the highest choice for you, you broadcast an even state from within.

See also Why it is important to let go of destructive programs, roles, outdated emotional reactions

back to contents you understand that this has nothing to do with you, you have the right to choose NOT to be a part of what is happening.

You make a conscious decision to get out of this process.

If people around you sort things out with each other, you can be present nearby or withdraw yourself.

People have every right to continue their games of destructive relationships, but this has nothing to do with you personally.

Only you choose what you want to be a part of.

If you want to be in a state of calm and harmony, and certain circumstances or characters constantly knock you out of it, you simply have to exclude yourself from this social circle out of self-love.

See also If relationships with parents are like a minefield - why and what to do
Learn how to save yourself and your relationship with your parents.

Often there are situations when already adult children sort things out with partners, or parents have arranged a showdown, brothers and sisters share something.

Recognize their eligibility for these roles. In any situation, there is agreement at the level of the soul of each participant to play out a certain scenario.

Ask yourself if you want to be part of someone else's scenario or are you ready to make your highest choice?

Think of what situations, circumstances it's time to eliminate yourself because you don't want to be a part of it from the inside.

Allow yourself to be OUTSIDE of the reality that you refuse to be a part of.

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3. Recognition and release

When forgotten, practiced destructive patterns of behavior return, acknowledge that you are playing it and let go.

Switch to the position of an actor who clearly understands that this is a script, instead of falling into a difficult state for a long time and sincerely believing in the reality of what is happening.

If you have already replaced old non-constructive patterns of behavior driven by various traumas and problems, and suddenly after that you again fall into the state of a victim, catch yourself on this thought and admit that you are the actor of this action.

At this moment the situation turns into a theater of the absurd.

Download booklet “Victim's State. How to get out of it.
Thanks to the signs that it describes, you will learn to recognize this state in yourself and learn ways to get out of the consciousness of the victim.

You can show resentment in order to raise a child, a husband, or someone else.

Or speak out aggressively, because the person may not understand otherwise. It’s just that your words won’t reach him without a harsh tone, he won’t hear it differently.

But you personally perceive it with an inner smile, because you do not experience a state of resentment or aggression.

Because you don't hang around in the role of a victim, in suffering and torment, you don't really experience anger.

You are simply admitting that you are an actor in this situation. You play and release the intensity of passions, without scandals and reproaches.

It helps to take many things less seriously.

See also How to go beyond the limitations of the mind

After you have become aware of the old patterns in behavior, write down the algorithm of your actions in a new way.

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How to write an algorithm for new actions

Define your red buttons

Analyze what you stumbled on, what you reacted to, what was the trigger : timbre of voice, intonation, feeling of pressure on you.

Learn more