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Depressed sexless marriage


5 strategies on how to fix a sexless marriage

Home » Saving a sexless marriage

“Relationships don’t die because of a lack of love, they die because of a lack of passion.” – Tony Robbins

When you met your partner, you felt a tremendous sense of passion toward them. This manifested on both an emotional and physical level. The two of you were inseparable, and you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. You got married and felt like you were on top of the world. You couldn’t imagine you’d ever be in a sexless marriage.

But things have changed.

Over time, you’ve found yourself coping with a no-sex marriage. Things have sputtered out. The relationship is still intact, but you’ve lost that necessary intimacy you need to keep your love alive. Don’t sit back and accept a sexless relationship as normal. You can not only learn how to survive a sexless marriage without cheating – you can learn to reconnect with your partner and bring back the passion.

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What causes a sexless relationship?

Most couples don’t choose to be in a sexless relationship. It’s often something that happens gradually – the newness of the relationship wears off and the passion goes with it. New relationship stressors appear, like long work hours, financial stress or a new baby, and you never seem to recover. Weeks turn into months with no intimacy, and you find yourself in a no-sex marriage.

A sexless marriage can also be caused by both emotional and physical health issues. Depression or stress, as well as many medications, can decrease libido. You may also find your libidos were mismatched to begin with, or that you’re never “in the mood” at the same time. And if you’re constantly in conflict, you may rarely feel in the mood.

But what’s wrong with this description of a sexless marriage? You’re not taking responsibility for your life. You’re not addressing the root problem and asking yourself what you could be doing to fix it. Even health issues can be overcome with the right strategy to create intimacy in new ways. You’re wondering how to survive a sexless marriage without cheating when the real question is, how can my marriage thrive again?

Can a sexless marriage survive?

The short answer is that yes, a sexless marriage can survive – but it can come at a cost. If one partner desires sex but the other is uninterested, lack of sex can lead to decreased intimacy and connection, feelings of resentment and even infidelity. Even in situations where both partners are on the same page – both have low sex drives, there is a physical distance like military deployment or a disability or medical condition causing the sexless marriage – the couple must be vigilant about creating intimacy in other ways.

If you’re in the first type of sexless marriage – one where uneven sex drives or other relationship problems are making you feel disconnected and unloved – it’s essential that you work on restoring passion and intimacy. Often, a sexless marriage can survive only because the partners convince themselves it’s normal, and they must keep a brave face. Don’t fall into this trap. While everyone responds to losing the physical aspect of their marriage in a different way, do not let it become the new normal.

How to fix a sexless marriage

First, change your mindset. Instead of agonizing over how to survive a sexless marriage without cheating, commit to reigniting that lost sense of passion. Learn what you can do in a sexless marriage that will allow you to regain that physical intimacy and connection.

1. Realign your polarity

In order to thrive, a relationship needs masculine and feminine energies. These contrasting energies are similar to the negative and positive charges on a magnet – when together, this creates polarity in a relationship. Feminine energy focuses more on emotion and connection, while the driving force behind masculine energy is working toward an end goal. Regardless of gender, there must be masculine energy in one partner and feminine energy in the other for a relationship to succeed.

Examine the roles you and your partner have taken on in your marriage. Have they changed over time? Did the partner with feminine energy take on a new role that requires more results-driven traits? Has the masculine energy source had to step down from being the provider?

If you’ve begun asking whether your sexless marriage can survive, you and your partner may have already been embodying energies that don’t suit you for a long time. Perhaps the masculine partner needs to feel that they are providing for your family more, or the feminine partner wants to feel able to care for the masculine partner. Returning these energies to where they belong – again, regardless of your physical genders – will help push the emotional dial of your relationship back toward passion.

2. Date each other

A sexless marriage is often a comfortable marriage. When you settle down together and move past the phase where every day is full of excitement, you get lazy. The passion fades.

Think of all the little things you used to do for your partner before you were married. You probably brought them little gifts and told them how much they meant to you. You planned date nights and excursions. Now you can hardly remember the last time you planned a special date night for your partner. 

Why did you stop? Because you got comfortable. You stopped treating each other like you were special. You stopped dating each other.

Prove to your partner that you’re their biggest fan who would do anything for them. Surprise them when they least expect it – it can even be with something like their favorite latte during lunch hour or picking up dinner on your way home. Mind-blowing, passionate relationships take work, and you must be willing to put in the time and commitment it takes to not only survive a sexless marriage but see it thrive.

3. Communicate with each other

Can a sexless marriage survive? Yes, but only if you communicate with the one person who can truly help you turn it around: your partner. Have you brought this issue up with them? Are they also unhappy with how infrequently you’re being intimate? Or have you been simmering in silence, letting your resentment build and further relinquishing any hope you have of rekindling your passion?

Chances are, your verbal and emotional communication is lacking, which has led to your sexless marriage. Did something occur that eroded your ability to speak freely with each other like you used to? Is it something serious like infidelity, or are you both coping with new stresses at work or at home? 

Commit to speaking up and asking them how they think and feel about the situation. Wading into this territory with them is frightening but necessary. When you’re able to communicate on a mental and emotional level with your spouse, you’ll create a deeper physical connection, too, so find a way to positively address the issue and create a plan to move forward together.

4. Let yourself be vulnerable

Communication will only improve your connection if you’re willing to be completely open and honest. Absolute courage and vulnerability is one of the Five Disciplines of Love, and it’s one of the most difficult for many people to embrace. Yet being willing to be vulnerable is the only way to create true intimacy in a relationship – and a sexless relationship is about intimacy more than it is about sex.

Sex and intimacy aren’t the same thing – but they are inextricably linked. Sex is tied to intimacy, which is tied to how much you’re willing to give of yourself. If you’re not willing to share your truth and be empathetic to your partner’s truth, you’ll never be able to fix your sexless marriage.

5. Keep an eye on your relationship

Working together to go from learning how to survive a sexless marriage without cheating to learning how to fix it is an important step, but your work isn’t over yet. It is vital to remember that your relationship changes over time. Depending on the situations and stressors in your life, you will have days when you’re physically closer with your partner and days when you need space. The secret is to continue reassessing your physical and emotional needs together, as a loving unit, and making adjustments as necessary.

It’s important to stop living out old stories – let go of past mistakes! Don’t keep punishing your partner for something they said and did that you’ve already discussed, and don’t hold on to limiting beliefs about yourself, either.

You aren’t the same people you were when you met, because you’ve both grown and changed. This isn’t a bad thing. A sexless marriage can survive, but a healthy, successful marriage embraces changes and continues innovating in the relationship. The things your love life needed in the beginning aren’t the same as what it needs now. As long as you’re willing to communicate openly and honestly with your partner, you will be able to revive and sustain the sexual intimacy in your marriage.

Saving a sexless marriage: Common questions

Is sex once a month considered a sexless marriage?

Most professionals agree that a sexless marriage is one in which sex occurs less than once a month or less than ten times per year. While once a month would not technically be considered a sexless marriage by this measurement, a more important barometer is whether or not the lack of sex bothers you.

How long do sexless marriages last?

A sexless marriage can last a lifetime – if you let it. And many likely do last a lifetime, because couples fall into the trap of thinking that sexless marriages are “normal.” While they are common – estimates for the number of sexless marriages range from 10 to 20 percent of all marriages – if one or both partners are unhappy, that is never normal. Rather than asking whether a sexless marriage can survive, ask yourself: Do you want it to?

Do you stay faithful in a sexless marriage?

Yes – staying faithful is essential to any marriage. Sexless marriages certainly do not justify infidelity. The temptation not to stay faithful is a symptom of a larger problem – a problem that can be fixed, if you’re willing to do the work. Work on learning what to do in a sexless marriage to improve your connection and rekindle the passion. Then, you won’t be tempted to look elsewhere.

What percentage of sexless marriages end in divorce?

It’s not known what percentage of sexless marriages end in divorce, but if the rate is in keeping with the overall divorce rate in America, it would be about 50 percent. Chances are that the percentage of sexless marriages ending in divorce is even higher. However, some couples manage to convince themselves that a sexless marriage is nothing to worry about, and those marriages can last a lifetime.

Is a sexless marriage grounds for divorce?

Sexless marriage can be grounds for an at-fault divorce, especially if one partner is purposely withholding sex as a punishment or if one partner wants to work on the issue and the other refuses to seek help. But a sexless marriage can also be the catalyst a couple needs to overcome deep relationship issues and reconnect with one another. Wouldn’t you rather be the second type of couple?

Ready to fix your sexless relationship?

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How to Look at Sexless Marriage Advice for Men

In This Article

Marriages are complex and usually have a sexual aspect, where both partners can achieve mutual sexual satisfaction. However, some sexless marriage advice for men is needed when this aspect of marriage is not in a healthy space.

Surviving a sexless marriage phase can be worrisome as it can lead to doubt and insecurities taking hold of the relationship dynamics. And since sex is often an essential aspect of enhancing a couple’s intimacy, a lack of it can upset both partners.

How to deal with sexless marriage as a man might be particularly difficult as a shock to some men as they are more used to thinking about and seeking out sex, as per experts. Therefore, sexless marriage’s effect on men can be significant.  

For a lucky few, this never happens. For some, the dry spell comes after many years of pretty much the same sex life as they had before the marriage, with slight adjustments due to the new kind of life they’re now leading.

Read on to learn more about the reasons, effects and other essential aspects of a man in a sexless marriage.

A sexless marriage is a common problem

A man has his ego and pride and having a sexless marriage will mean a lot to him. Sadly, this is more common than all of us think, there can be many cases that we may not even know of and each of these cases has different stories behind them.

Research shows that about 16 percent of the surveyed couples were in sexless marriages. The data showcases that it is a common occurrence in marriages that impacts the health of a couple’s interpersonal relationship.

Sexless marriages are common but they are not healthy. They can lead to a breakdown of communication, stability and happiness between the married couple.  

Reasons for a sexless marriage

To solve any problems, we must first address the issue. We need to know why the marriage, once full of intimacy, is now experiencing a sexless relationship.

We already know why this happens most of the time, but we continue to live in denial because we don’t want to face the issues.

Here are some common reasons why you may need sexless marriage advice for men:

1. Conflicts and resentment

Constant arguments may have caused you and your wife to be distant from each other. Physical, verbal and psychological abuse can also cause lead to a deterioration in the sex life of a couple as it leads to a breakdown of trust and intimacy between two people. 

Furthermore, sexless marriage advice for men is needed when these conflicts are left unresolved and unaddressed as it allows for resentment to build. 

Fixing a sexless marriage becomes essential in this case, as resentment can make the overall relationship harmful and toxic.  

Related Reading: Tips to Prevent Resentment from Destroying Your Marriage

2. Low sex drives

Sexless marriage advice for men is required you or your spouse is experiencing a low sex drive. Physical and mental health issues can affect a person’s sex drive, and medical attention can help you find a solution for them.

Some medical conditions such as early menopause, lack of estrogen, childbearing, erectile dysfunction can lead to sexual problems in marriage. 

Additionally, certain medicines too can lower one’s sex drive due to specific side effects associated with them.

3. Complacency

The passage of time, increased burden of work and/or kids can ultimately cause sexless marriage. These things take up time and may make people complacent about trying to spice up sexless marriage.  

Couples may forget to invest in or prioritize catering to the sexual element of the marriage. 

4. Lack of love or attraction

Some couples can grow out of love with each other as time goes on, leading to a need to seek sexless marriage advice for men. They may no longer be attracted to their partner at a particular point or completely. 

Can men live in a sexless marriage

Wіth nо іntіmасу in marriage оr whаt іѕ оftеn rеfеrrеd tо аѕ а sexless marriage, уоu lіvе іn а rеlаtіоnѕhір wіth ѕоmеоnе whо уоu lоvе аnd who mау аlѕо lоvе уоu bасk but thе рhуѕісаl іntіmасу hаѕ соmрlеtеlу gоnе.

Research shows that marital satisfaction and sexual satisfaction go hand-in-hand for couples. 

Sоmе may assume that ѕеx іѕ nоt еvеrуthіng аnd will come up with various excuses to undermine the lack of sex in the marriage. They may cite changing hоrmоnеѕ, the difference in the mature phases of life and various other things.

Whаt mоѕt hеаlthу ѕеxuаl mаrrіаgеѕ fіnd іѕ thаt рhуѕісаl іntіmасу іѕ thе grеаѕе thаt kеерѕ thе mасhіnе wоrkіng еvеn whеn thеrе аrе рrоblеmѕ. Wіthоut thіѕ grеаѕе thе mасhіnе саn grіnd tо а hаlt. 

Related Reading: Unlocking the Secrets to Marriage Satisfaction

You may want to look up sexless marriage advice for men to avoid any of the following cоnѕеquеnсеѕ:

  • Dерrеѕѕіоn

Men or women whо аrе соnѕtаntlу feel rејесtеd by their ѕроuѕе or thеіr lоvеr may nоt be іn а gооd mеntаl ѕtаtе. Thіѕ іѕ humiliating and ѕtrеѕѕful аnd оftеn lеаdѕ tо stress, dерrеѕѕіоn and anxiety.

  • Lоw sеlf-eѕtееm

A marriage that lacks sex can make you feel that your partner is not attracted to you anymore, thus affecting your self-esteem. It can lead the person to feel more insecure, have an unhealthy body іmаgе which can lеаd tо mаnу unhеаlthу hаbіtѕ аnd thоughtѕ.

  • Infidelity

Mоѕt huѕbаndѕ аnd wіvеѕ dо nоt gо оut looking for аnоthеr раrtnеr but whеn ѕеxuаl fruѕtrаtіоn аnd a ѕеnѕе of not being wаntеd in the relationship, cheating may happen. Thіѕ оftеn mаkеѕ thе сhеаtеr fееl vеrу guіltу аnd mаkеѕ mаttеrѕ wоrѕе.

Related Reading: Help With Infidelity in Marriage

  • Dіvоrсе

In thе еnd nоt mаnу sexless rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ саn lаѕt аnd оnе ѕееkѕ а dіvоrсе nоt bесаuѕе thеу dо nоt lоvе thеіr раrtnеr but bесаuѕе thе marriage іѕ not funсtіоnіng wіthоut рhуѕісаl іntіmасу.

How to survive a sexless marriage as a man

Marriage changes a lot over time for both men and women, but sexless marriage advice for men starts with having a positive attitude and the desire to work through this problem. 

Here are some other productive ways that you can learn how to have more sex in marriage:

1. Talk about the problem

The most crucial sexless marriage advice for men is addressing the issue and working on it together. Remember, no one will fix the marriage but the two of you.

If you find that your wife is not interested in you, has lost respect or is unwilling to discuss and work with you with this matter, ask her to come with you and seek professional help. 

Before any drastic changes, it’s just right that you and your wife try all the best efforts to fix the marriage and asking professional help is something that you can opt to.

If you are trying to learn how to fix a sexless marriage, don’t be ashamed of asking a therapist for help, as they won’t judge you or your situation. They can be your sexless marriage support. 

To learn how to discuss issues with your partner without getting into a fight, watch this video:

2. Ignore myths about marital sex

It’s difficult enough that you have been living in a sexless marriage. It is now essential not to put the additional burden of believing in myths about married people’s sexual lives.

Figure out what is good for your relationship and the sex lives of you and your partner. Every couple is ultimately different and comparison only causes more anguish.

A good sexless relationship advice for men is to keep in mind that sexlessness is not unavoidably linked to extramarital affairs. Even though sometimes it can shift a man’s attention to other women. 

Also, remember, a sexless marriage is not a signal of love being gone. In essence, such a situation results from many different causes and their interaction, which sets the stage for the second piece of sexless marriage advice for men.

3. Get to the root cause

For a man in a sexless marriage, it is essential to get to the root of the problem. But do it gently and with care and compassion.

It is easy to get frustrated by the tension of surviving a sexless marriage and by the sheer fact that you’re not satisfied in that area. Still, the additional pressure of lashing out or blaming your partner would be like pouring wet cement on it; you’d never move on any further again.

So, talk to your partner, and try to express your feelings by having empathy for them at the same time. Give them space to say whatever they think without holding onto any fear that it would hurt or infuriate them.

4. Decide what you need to do

Let’s not ignore the pink elephant in the room – the ideas about an affair or a divorce most probably came to your mind at one point or the other. And this is only natural when the situation is really bad.

Regardless of any other aspect of your marriage, not having sex with your partner will put those ideas into your head. And this is where you need to address them with cold rationality and consider everything, both positives and negatives.

Make a rational decision before making any moves that are hard to mend. Is not having sex a deal-breaker for you? Is there something you still might do about it? Did you consider every option? What are the other aspects of your marriage?

Ask yourself pertinent questions when you learn how to deal with a sexless marriage as a man.

Talk to your spouse, and remember, not having sex right now does not mean you’re doomed forever. If you make a conscious and informed effort, the situation can change.

Will men in sexless marriages have affairs

The fact is, you can only save your marriage if you work together. Sexless marriage advice for men may include different approaches but there’s one thing for sure: An affair or infidelity will only make things worse!

No intimacy in marriage sadly includes the temptation of finding someone else. This is especially true when one or both of you are not ready to resolve or even address the issue. 

Not having sex may lead to immense frustration, anger, and confusion as a married man. However, if you still love your spouse, betraying their trust will damage a relationship that is special to you. 

The fact that many men face this problem means that they are in a relationship that they don’t want to give up on. 

Lack of sex does not mean that there is no love in the relationship. 

If you think that you might end up cheating, don’t entertain the thought. Remind yourself that cheating will not solve any problem. It will only make things even harder for you and your relationship.

Think of your family and marriage; think of this as a trial that you can still overcome. A mistake of cheating will not fix the underlying problem but would just make it worse.

Wrapping up

When you are thinking about what a husband should do in a sexless marriage, these tips and pieces of advice should come in handy when it comes to saving your marriage and infusing it with a renewed spark and intimacy.

Resorting to an affair outside marriage or distancing yourself from your spouse will only lead to heartburn and a series of complications. 

Sexless marriage advice for men can help avert any damage that could spell doom for your marriage.

Tragedy has spurred Russia | 01/28/2022, InoSMI

InoSMI materials contain only assessments of foreign media and do not reflect the position of the editors of InoSMI

This crisis may activate another, less well-known and only recently emerging political phenomenon, which the Russian media dubbed a “sensational” shift in foreign policy. According to this new trend, diplomacy should be at the service of Russian modernization. This implies rebuilding bridges with the West, which is the only source capable of meeting Russia's investment and technology needs.

Neil Buckley

Once again, August brought trouble to Russia. In this very month, for a decade, Russia has been hit by either a sovereign default, or submarine accidents, or terrorist attacks, and, after all, a war with Georgia. This August was marked by the peak of the strongest and longest period of abnormal heat in the country.
At least 54 people died directly from wildfires, and thousands more were left homeless. Heat and smog from burning forests and smoldering peat bogs have caused more than a thousand premature deaths. Mortality in Moscow has doubled, reaching 700 deaths a day. In addition, the fires more than ever exposed the degradation of Russia's infrastructure and government administration, which continues despite the fact that the country has been literally drowning in oil and gas revenues for the past ten years.


Damage caused by the fires was exacerbated by a shortage of fire trucks, delays in transporting equipment caused by the dire state of Russian roads, and coordination errors. Prime Minister and former President Vladimir Putin spoke of villagers calling emergency services on the phone and simply hanging up at the other end of the line. In short, this situation has once again demonstrated the urgent need for the modernization of Russia, which Putin's successor, current President Dmitry Medvedev, announced last fall as his main goal.


This crisis could trigger yet another, less well-known and only recently emerging political phenomenon that the Russian media has dubbed a "sensational" shift in foreign policy. According to this new trend, diplomacy should be at the service of Russian modernization. This implies rebuilding bridges with the West, which is the only source capable of meeting Russia's investment and technology needs.


The first concrete proof of this new approach was a document leaked in May from the Foreign Office. And, speaking a month ago before the Russian ambassadors, Medvedev confirmed all his main postulates. Keeping up with the times, Medvedev even outlined the most important moments in his posts on Twitter. In fact, the oil-fuelled arrogance and "ostentation" that characterized Putin's second presidential term has vanished. They gave way to pragmatism. Russia "should not have any friends and no enemies - there should be only interests." It should establish partnerships in the direction of modernization, "primarily with Germany, France, Italy, the European Union and the United States. " (Not a word about Great Britain.)


Russia experts are excited. Swedish economist Anders Aslund, who served as Russia's economic reform adviser in the 1990s and is often critical of Putin, calls the shift "giant and grossly underestimated." However, this new approach has already made itself felt and even brought first fruits, including the restoration of relations with Poland after the Smolensk plane crash, a new START treaty with the United States, an unexpected resolution of a 40-year-old border dispute with Norway, and support for new sanctions against Iran.
But there are also many disturbing moments. Russia will not be able to turn from a polar bear into a teddy bear in one day. Her logic remains rigid and even cynical, especially in relation to her former neighbors in the USSR. The Foreign Office paper says now is the time to rake in cheap assets in the Baltics and Ukraine. The economies of these countries are among the few that have been hit harder by the financial crisis than Russia. And even the warming of relations with Poland was dictated by the realization that the previous cold had closed the way to wider cooperation with the EU.


Those familiar with the Kremlin's thinking say the shift was partly facilitated by Obama's "reset" of relations, which eased Moscow's paranoia during the Bush era. Now Moscow, ignoring Washington's denials, believes that the United States has tacitly recognized the sphere of Russian interests in the former Soviet republics.


The rethinking of foreign policy is primarily a reflection of the shock of last year's 8 percent decline in Russia's GDP, which exposed the weakness of its resource economy. The pre-crisis flow of cheap foreign loans to Russian companies has also dried up.


Echoes of Mikhail Gorbachev, the last resident of the Kremlin, who embarked on the path of pragmatic international relations in an attempt to modernize a shattered state, can be heard in all this. And soon Medvedev will face the same dilemma that Gorbachev faced: the economic renewal of the country at the stage of development that Russia is at is impossible without political and social renewal. For a science-intensive industry to appear in the country, it is not enough just to sign a resolution. Although this is exactly what the Kremlin tried to do, ordering the construction of a “Russian Silicon Valley” in the Moscow region.


A developed economy requires the presence of competition in the political and ideological spheres. It needs a leadership that is not afraid of the scrutiny of the people. With the exception of the first or second point, the oil countries of the Persian Gulf, which are the world leaders in terms of GDP - which Russia aspires to be among - are functioning democracies. Putin and Medvedev know this. But they also believe that Gorbachev acted too quickly and went too far, thereby losing control of his reforms. As a result, from their point of view, Russia plunged into a decade of chaos and humiliation.


If in 2012 the presidency goes to Putin or Medvedev, then the weakening of the political grip will most likely occur very slowly. The tandem will need to demonstrate the wonders of balancing act to carry out authoritarian modernization while updating infrastructure throughout vast Russia, as well as to stimulate the development of high-tech business, while implementing more down-to-earth improvements designed to satisfy the needs of the people.


Most of the population is still attached to Putin's stability. But just as the smoke from burning underground peat bogs can't be contained, so can the discontent that seeps out of Russia's censorship-free blogosphere. In general, as one of the bloggers, who lives in the Tver region, put it: “What the fuck do we need some kind of innovation center in Skolkovo if we don’t have elementary fire engines?”

Kristeva. Object of resistance | Philosophical assault

Systematization and communications

Ontology

Reference to the philosopher, scientist to whom the entry is dedicated:

Michel Foucault

Jacques Lacan

Jacques Derrida

Hegel

Karl Marx

object [ object of resistance , which creates not dependence, but necessity ] a certain whole within a single Body, and the thing is an element of dependence , and therefore Kristeva limits 90 the freedom of the individual in her conception , although nothing is freer than individual in the single Body, in the necessity of the existence of . " Let's call the Thing the real, resisting signification, the pole of attraction and repulsion, the abode of sexuality, from which the object of desire will be singled out" - only the object [object of resistance] can be real, and not the thing as a dependent object, and object is not distinguished, but is always present a priori, the object of desire is associated with asexuality, and the abode of sexuality is sexual body in single body. object does not trigger sexuality at all, it only initiates it through libido and resistance object . "A depressed person with a tendency to narcissism mourns not an Object, but a Thing" is not a thing as a cause of dependence is mourned because dependence is sought always for the realization of the object of resistance , but the non-realization is lamented resistance object in uniform body, need . Hegel and Marx therefore considered freedom a conscious necessity , it was precisely freedom that they lamented, and therefore they decided to extend freedom as widely as possible, in asexual Body, and not in a single 9009 only Body , and in their concepts they were quite tolerant of war , considering it a decent for the individual and his goals. "The Appearance of the Thing mobilizes in the emerging subject its vital impulse: the premature, which is each of us, survives only by clinging to the other, perceived as an addition, a prosthesis, a protective shell" - Kristeva defines individual as a self insolvent in self and tending to dependency , although this is not the case, dependency is secondary as the need to implement resistance object . Why then do citizens from prosperous countries drop everything and aspire to be terrorists, for dependency , no. "all of his Self is immersed in de-erotized anality" - Kristeva's anal erotica is presented as asexual, but in a single body eroticism is also associated with sexuality , asexual and the component of the sexual body is also important sexual Body from asexual , this addiction and determines the role of anal erotica. Asexual Bodies like natural is the basis of the single Body, and sexual Body cannot ignore it. Romance and realizes flight from sexual Body into asexual asexual Body, in self-sufficient feelings, which for the individual is also a necessity in tension asexual Body through object of resistance. The romance of young people takes place due to the need to realize the object of resistance and outside sexual body.

A depressed person with a tendency to narcissism mourns not an Object, but a Thing* . Let us call the Thing the real, opposing signification, the pole of attraction and repulsion, the abode of sexuality, from which the object of desire will be singled out.
Its blinding metaphor is given by Nerval, pointing to persistence without presence, to light without representation: The Thing is the sun in a dream, clear and black at the same time. “Everyone knows that in dreams we never see the sun, although we often have the perception of a much brighter light.”
On the basis of this archaic binding, the depressed patient develops the impression that he is deprived of some inexpressible supreme good, something unimaginable, which, apparently, only devouring could depict, which only a spell could indicate, but not a single word is capable of designate it. Therefore, no erotic object can replace for him the indispensable perception of a place or a pre-object that imprisons the libido and cuts off the bonds of desire. Knowing that he is deprived of his Thing, the depressed person rushes in search of adventure and love, which always turn out to be disappointing, or, desperate and speechless, closes himself alone with his unnamed Thing. The "primary identification" with the "father from personal background" may be a means, an indicator of unity, which would allow him to complete the mourning for the Thing. Primary identification triggers compensation for the Thing and at the same time begins to bind the subject to another dimension - the dimension of imaginary attachment, which is somewhat reminiscent of the connection of faith, which in a patient with depression just breaks.
In the melancholic, the primary identification turns out to be fragile and unable to provide other identifications, including those symbolic identifications on the basis of which an erotic Thing could turn into an Object of desire, captivating and guaranteeing the continuity of the metonymy of pleasure. The melancholic thing interrupts the metonymy of desire, and also opposes itself within the psychic processing of the loss. How to get closer to this place? Sublimation is an attempt towards this goal: thanks to its melodies, rhythms, semantic ambiguities, the so-called poetic form, which separates and recycles signs, turns out to be the only "receptacle" that seems to provide an unreliable but adequate mastery of the Thing.
We assumed that the depressed person is an atheist, devoid of meaning, devoid of values. He seems to belittle himself out of fear or ignorance of the Otherworldly. Meanwhile, however atheist he may be, the despairing one is a mystic - he clings to his pre-object, not believing in You, but being a mute and unshakable adept of his own unutterable container. It is this vale of the unusual that he consecrates with his tears and his pleasure. In this tension of affects, muscles, mucous membranes and skin, he experiences both belonging and remoteness in relation to the archaic other, which for the time being eludes representation and naming, but whose imprint is carried by his bodily secretions and their automatism. The depressed person, distrustful of language, is sensitive and, of course, wounded, but still he is a prisoner of affect. Affect is his thing.
The thing fits into us without memory, the secret accomplice of our unspeakable anxieties. One imagines the joys of reunion after parting, which are promised by regressive daydreams that demand marriage with suicide.
The appearance of the Thing mobilizes in the emerging subject his vital impulse: the premature, which each of us is, survives only by clinging to the other, perceived as an addition, a prosthesis, a protective shell. However, this attraction to life is in the highest degree that which at the same time rejects me, isolates me, rejects him/her). The ambiguity of instincts is never more terrible than in this beginning of otherness, where, having no language filter, I cannot inscribe my violence in "no", and indeed in no other sign. I can only regurgitate it with gestures, spasms, screams. I push it out, project it. My necessary thing also inevitably turns out to be my enemy, my scarecrow, the attractive pole of my hatred. The Thing falls away from me as I advance these outposts of signification where the Verb has not yet become my Being. The thing, that is, nothing, which is the cause and at the same time falling away before becoming the Other, turns out to be a vessel that contains my waste and everything that comes from the cadere is the waste with which I mingle in sorrow. The abomination of the biblical Job.
When this Thing is erected (which for us is both our own and someone else's), anality is mobilized. The melancholic, who recalls this limit, at which his ego is singled out, at the same time collapsing into devaluation, fails to mobilize his anality in order to make it a device for separating and drawing boundaries - the one that operates in the ordinary case or even comes to the fore in the sufferer of obsessive states. On the contrary, in a patient with depression, his entire I is immersed in de-erotized anality, which, however, seems to be jubilant, since it has become a vector of pleasure in merging with the archaic Thing, perceived not as a meaningful object, but as a border element of the I. For a patient with depression, the Thing, as and I are fallouts that carry him towards the invisible and the unnameable. Cadere. Solid garbage, solid corpses.

*)... let's talk about the Thing, understanding by it - some kind of "thing", "something", which, glimpsed in retrospect by an already given subject, is presented as something indefinite, inseparable, incomprehensible, including in the definition of the sexiest thing.

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