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Declaring love for someone


How To Tell Someone You Love Them, According To Experts

How to know you're in love.

Everyone experiences love differently, so the truth is, we can't tell you for sure whether you're in love—but we can give you some signs that indicate you are. As psychoanalyst Babita Spinelli, L.P., tells mbg, "For some, it's a slow burn that develops over time, and for others, it may feel more quick like that 'aha' moment. Love does not grow at the same pace for everyone."

According to relationship therapist Ken Page, LCSW, the very question of how to know when you're in love is a profound and rich question of self-discovery. He notes that it's important to get clear on the kind of love you're really experiencing. "Is it infatuation? Is it healthy love? Is it love that can inspire and last? Love is a rich combination of eros, which includes the erotic, romantic, and sexual—and also the warmth and beauty of companionship and care," he says.

Here's our full guide to what true love really feels like, and below, you'll find a quick list of common signs of love:

  1. You feel you want to share even the smallest details with the person.  
  2. You look forward to sharing the moments about your day or your longer history and want to hear details about your person's too.
  3. You want to share your world with them.
  4. You want to hear their thoughts and understand their emotions better.
  5. You look forward to continuing to experience life with them. 
  6. When you are falling in love, you miss the person and experience a warm feeling when you think about them.
  7. You accept all parts of them, including the quirky and the messy.
  8. You make them a priority in your life. 
  9. You care about their needs and their happiness as you care about your own.
  10. You can see a future with them and think about them in your long-term life plans.
  11. There's a feeling of newness and aliveness that comes with the love.
  12. There's an ache and a longing for the presence of the other person.
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When to say it.

Just as we all experience love differently, the question of when to say "I love you" will vary from relationship to relationship. What really counts is that your feelings are true and that you're saying it for the right reasons.

If you're curious about the average timeline, however, some research has found men typically take about three months to say "I love you," while women take a bit longer, at about five months.

In general, though, Page says it's usually best to wait until you feel you really know someone—and accept them as they are.

"There is no precise time when to say I love you, [and it's about] being attuned to when you really feel that way and expressing it at the time that you are sure about how you feel," Spinelli explains, adding to be sure you're not dealing with infatuation, feeling obligated to say it, or otherwise doing it with ulterior motives. "Truly loving someone is when you really accept them and see them in your future in a realistic way," she notes.

25 ways to tell someone you love them.

Whether you want to simply come out with those three words, express your love nonverbally, or show them you love them through your actions, here are 25 ways to tell (or show) someone you love them, according to Page and Spinelli.

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With words:

  1. "I love you."
  2. "My feelings for you are deepening, and I am starting to fall in love with you."
  3. "You mean the world to me, and I appreciate you in my life."
  4. "I can't imagine you not being in my life."
  5. "I want to share more and more of my life with you every day."
  6. "You are so special to me, and I treasure you and our relationship."
  7. "I appreciate who you are so much."
  8. "Seeing you happy makes me happy."
  9. "You inspire me to be my best self."
  10. "I'm so excited for our future together."
  11. "You make my life so much better."
  12. Read them a beautiful love poem.
  13. Write a love letter.

Without words:

  1. Loving eye contact
  2. Send them a love song or curate a love song playlist
  3. Physical touch or affection, such as a prolonged hug
  4. Do the things they love together with them
  5. Spend quality time together
  6. Send them flowers that are symbolic in meaning
  7. Cook their favorite dishes
  8. Show up for them with support during stressful times
  9. Practice active listening
  10. Show appreciation for their quirks
  11. Take care of a hard task for them
  12. Give them something personal as a gift
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Tips to keep in mind:

1.

Be vulnerable.

Obviously, saying "I love you" for the first time can be a bit nerve-wracking, but according to Page, this is a good thing. "You do not need to wait for [nervousness] to go away before you say you're in love, or before you proclaim your love. In fact, having those feelings and still proclaiming it makes the experience for the other person that much more moving," he says, adding that anxiousness and fear actually often fuel eros and romance.

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2.

Say it sober.

While it might be tempting to blurt out that you're in love over a few drinks, Page suggests reeling it in and waiting to say it until you're sober. Not only do you want to have a clear head when you say it, but ideally, you'd want them to have a clear head too. Plus, he notes, "There's a cheapening of the first declaration of love if it happens when you're intoxicated—your partner is probably going to wait and see if you're going to say the same thing when you're stone-cold sober."

3.

Don't do it expecting a certain response.

And lastly, don't say "I love you" if you just want to hear it back from them, and don't be disheartened if they don't say it back right away, either. For some people who are more emotionally reserved, hearing "I love you" from their partner first can help prepare them to say it back when they're ready.

Page also advises not fishing to see if the other person expresses their love first. "Don't ask them if they love you before you tell them—that is neither brave nor vulnerable," he says, adding that your own willingness to be brave and vulnerable is a gift to your significant other and the relationship as a whole.

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The takeaway.

Being in love is exciting, scary, and super vulnerable, and professing that love is no different. Whether you opt to come right out and say it or tell them with your actions at first rather than your words, try not to stress too much about the logistics or verbiage. Just enjoy the ride.

Ten Ways to Declare Your Love in English

With Valentine’s day just around the corner, and Cupid in his love shack, practicing his bow-and-arrow accuracy, let’s have a look at ten ways to declare your love in English this February the 14th.

1. I think I am in love with you

Saying “I am in love with you” is the most common, honest and direct way to declare your love, passion or romantic feelings for someone.

If you have someone you can’t get enough of or you wake up at night thinking about him/her, this would be the best way to declare your love and adoration.

2. I am hooked on you

“To be hooked on someone or something” is an idiom that means to be enthusiastic about or addicted to something or someone.

3. We’ve got good chemistry

“We’ve (we have) got good chemistry” describes when your personalities click and you really feel connected. You can talk to each other for hours and never get bored, really enjoying each other’s company.

4. I’ve got a crush on you

Telling someone you have a crush on them is letting them know that you think they are special. This is definitely more common for younger romantics to use, but you are just as old as you feel, so don’t let your age stop you.

5. We are soul mates

What is a soul mate? Do you have one?
It’s a person you have amazing chemistry with. It’s an immediate connection you both have, which develops over time to a deeper feeling of love and affection.

If you feel happy around someone, if your relationship brings you a sense of peace, if you have similar goals or interests, most likely he/she is your soul mate. Be thankful and try not to lose this connection.

6. I have a soft spot for you

Having a soft spot for someone or something means that you are emotionally vulnerable around a certain someone or something. For example: He doesn’t usually eat cheese, but he has a soft spot for pizza. This means, he will make an exception to his rule of not eating cheese for pizza.

When we use this expression for talking about a person, it refers to how he/she makes us want to let our guard down. We feel we can be vulnerable around this person.

7. I’ve got a thing for you

This is an emotionally cool way of telling someone you think they are the sweetest. If you want to be a little mysterious you can say this. “I’ve got a thing for you”, means you are special to me and I can’t stop thinking about you.

8. I’ve totally fallen for you

You don’t think love is dangerous? Look at how much falling goes on when we talk about love. “I have totally fallen for you”, means I have fallen in love with you.

Alternatively, you can also say “I have fallen head over heels for you.” This lets them know that you are hopelessly in love with them and there is nothing you can do about it.

9. I am all about you

Conversely, if you say “I am all about you”, you are letting the object of your desire know that there is no one else. You aren’t thinking about any other man or woman. “Only you, baby.”

10. I think you are the one

S/he’s the one! Reserve this exclusively for those you want to marry and/or have children with.

This is serious stuff! You might only meet “the one” once in your life, so be careful when you say this and make sure you mean it! Good luck, lovers! And, remember, like the great Canadian Poet/Songwriter sings: There Ain’t No (is no) Cure for Love 🙂

 

Alena Khabibullina and Joshua Mover

How to confess your love: 25 proven ways

August 12, 2022 Likbez Relationship

Not only words, but also actions will tell about your feelings.

Talking about your feelings for the first time is very exciting. This is an important moment in any relationship that is remembered for a long time. Experts gave some advice on how to confess your love and not spoil anything.

How to understand that you are in love

Everyone feels love in their own way, so there is no universal recipe that will allow you to accurately determine whether you are in love or not. “Sometimes strong feelings flare up gradually. And sometimes it is, on the contrary, an instant bright flash. The “speed” of love is different for everyone,” says psychoanalyst Babita Spinelli.

Psychotherapist and relationship specialist Ken Page adds that you first need to figure out exactly what kind of love you are experiencing. This is passion? Or is it a deep feeling that can inspire and last for a long time? “Love is a rich combination of feelings that includes romance and sexuality, as well as the warmth and beauty of partnership and caring for each other,” the expert notes.

Here are some clear signs of falling in love:

  • You want to share even the smallest details of your life with another person.
  • You are waiting for the moment when you can tell him about what is happening to you and how your day went, and listen to how he is doing.
  • You want to let another person into your inner world.
  • You want to listen to his thoughts and understand his emotions better.
  • You look forward to sharing your life with another person.
  • You often miss him. You feel warm when you think about him.
  • You accept a person completely with all his oddities and shortcomings.
  • You give him priority in your life.
  • You worry about another person's happiness as if it were your own.
  • You can imagine your future together.
  • You feel alive when you think about another person. You are surrounded by a feeling of something new.
  • You often yearn for him and want him to be there.

How to choose the best time to confess

Given that we are all different, the question of when to say “I love you” also does not have a universal answer. What is really important is to strengthen yourself in the sincerity of your feelings and intentions.

Ken Page advises taking your time and getting to know the person well before taking such an important step. “There is no perfect time to confess your love,” adds Babita Spinelli. “The main thing is to listen to your feelings and talk about them when you are sure of them.” Make sure that this is not just a passion for you, but recognition is not just a phrase that you have to say.

If you're still interested in specific dates, then, according to one study, men take about three months to confess their love, and women about five.

Things to keep in mind if you decide to confess your love

Experts recommend being as open as possible and allowing yourself natural excitement and experiences. This will make the confession more personal, sincere and touching. In addition, in some cases, according to Ken Page, anxiety and fear can even ignite sexual desire.

Do not drink for courage. Experts emphasize that at such an important moment, both you and the object of your love should have a sober head. In addition, alcohol can devalue your confession, and you will have to repeat it again in order for your words to be taken seriously.

And the last thing - do not immediately wait for the response "I love you." Some, such as emotionally reserved people, take time to say those important words in response. Be patient. “Don't ask if you're loved before talking about your feelings. There is no courage or sensuality in it, ”adds Ken Page. Your sincere desire to take such a bold step will give your future relationship so much more.

How to confess your love

Experts give several possible phrases and give advice on how to express your feelings without words. Choose something that resonates with you inside, take as a basis and add personal details.

How to confess your love in words

  1. “I love you”.
  2. "My feelings for you deepen and I start to fall in love with you."
  3. "You mean a lot to me and I really appreciate having you in my life."
  4. "I can't imagine my life without you."
  5. "More and more I want to share my life with you every day."
  6. "You are a special person to me, and I value our relationship very much."
  7. "I appreciate you the way you are."
  8. "When I see that you are happy, I feel happier."
  9. "You inspire me to be a better person."
  10. "I can't wait for our future together."
  11. "You make my life so much better."
  12. Read a beautiful love poem.
  13. Write a love letter.

How to confess your love without words

  1. Look at a person with love.
  2. Send him a love song or even create an entire playlist for him.
  3. Make more physical contact, such as more hugs.
  4. To do together what your loved one likes.
  5. Spending more time together.
  6. Cooking favorite meals for another person.
  7. Support him in difficult times.
  8. Help him cope with difficult things.
  9. Be an active listener.
  10. Appreciate another person with all his shortcomings and quirks.
  11. Send flowers.
  12. Give personalized gifts.

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How to confess your love

Irina Postnikova

loves kittens and grandmother

Author profile

Romantic love is not a necessary condition for happiness.

But it certainly makes life better and more interesting. And to fully experience this, you need to be able to express your feelings. Not everyone and not always succeeds in this easily. We tell you how to fix it.

Why is it so difficult to confess your love

One of the reasons is the non-linear structure of modern romantic relationships. A few decades ago, they were arranged relatively simply.

People went on several dates, realized that they liked each other, and decided not to date anyone else. They fell in love completely - and admitted it. And after some time they formalized the relationship and became a family. After that, they tried to live together happily ever after.

But this relationship model is not for everyone. Since the 1970s, in Western countries and in the USSR, the number of divorces has been growing and the number of marriages has been declining. People's ideas began to change. A family consisting of two married adults and their children has ceased to be the only possible form of relationship, and the marriage union is something that must be preserved at all costs.

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These transformations allow many to build a life in accordance with their own needs, and not the strict requirements of society. But this process has a downside: often modern romantic relationships are full of instability and understatement.

People meet and go on dates, but often do not understand what the partner's intentions and plans are. Non-committal flirting? Marriage? Relationships without commitment? Uncertainty makes you feel vulnerable. In order to maintain maximum independence in relationships and reduce the risk of rejection, many prefer not to talk about love

In addition, by not confessing our feelings, we unconsciously make our partner nervous - and so we gain power over him. In an effort to achieve recognition, the partner becomes more controlled and ready to compromise on issues that are important to us.

Psychologists note that in modern couples there is often a struggle to be the first to get words of love from the other - and thus take a more advantageous position.

Sociologists call this type of relationship emotional capitalism. People who live by its laws are afraid to be sincere. The partner, from their point of view, should bring a new interesting experience to life - if he stops doing this, they leave him. They expect the same attitude for themselves and thereby deprive themselves of the chance for a truly close and deep relationship.

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Why words of love are necessary

It's all about the meaning we put into the words "I love you". With these three words, we tell another person that he is important to us, and that we want to be around, and that we accept him as he is. And this is how we say that we are really close. As psychologist Lisa Arango explains, this is called emotional presence. It is the most important condition for a stable and sincere relationship.

In the first months, words of love are needed to fix and mark this special relationship to your beloved and at the same time encourage him to confess his feelings. In the following months and years, they help to keep them. “They are like oxygen for relationships,” says Arango. - When we tell someone we love them, we strengthen our bond with them. We help relationships develop, we keep them alive.”

Here are five tips for learning to express love.

Board No. 1

Understand how you feel

People who can't sort out their feelings should observe themselves for at least a week. Even though people tend to experience being in love differently, there are a few typical signs of this feeling:

  1. Constantly thinking about the other person. Plan a new meeting with him - and prepare for it. You want to tell and ask about how your day went.
  2. Want to spend as much time together as possible. And it may not matter to you at all what you will do at the same time.
  3. When you find out that someone important to you has a problem, you feel a strong desire to help, think of ways to do it.
  4. Feel safe next to this person and trust him. Some even feel physical relaxation next to the one they love. Scientists explain this by saying that falling in love increases the level of dopamine in the body. This stabilizes the internal state and calms the nervous system.
  5. Your mood is better than usual. You are energetic and curious, open to new things. Especially when the most important person for you is nearby. Apparently, this is the result of the action of all the same endorphins, as well as norepinephrine, which is produced in lovers in increased quantities in the first months.
  6. You are jealous.
  7. You want to have sex.

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In addition, falling in love during the first months may be accompanied by insomnia and loss of appetite: this is also a consequence of increased production of hormones and neurotransmitters that temporarily upset the balance in the body.

Tip #2

Take your time

People confess their love on average 3-5 months after starting a relationship.

Moreover, men say words of love earlier: approximately on the 97th day of the relationship. Women are on average only at 138th. The authors of a review of six studies on the subject, published in 2011, explain the difference in timing by the fact that women tend to observe the dynamics of their feelings - and not act under the influence of the first, usually the most vivid emotions, which quickly pass.

And in general, psychologists consider the most reasonable strategy not to confess your love in the first seconds after meeting, but to wait a bit until feelings stabilize. The best moment for this is when passion with falling in love is replaced by affection. Usually it is at the attachment stage that people begin to truly love each other and become ready for a long-term relationship.

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This is attachment if you:

  1. Know not only about the partner's strengths, but also about his weaknesses. And you accept both. Even the ones that annoy you a little.
  2. Want to know as much as possible about your partner. Including about his previous relationships, childhood, what he likes and dislikes, about his goals and dreams.
  3. You want to support your partner and don't want him to change for you.
  4. Still want to spend as much time together as possible. But at the same time, you understand that you are free and independent people, you have your own interests. And that's why you respect each other's desire to spend time separately - with friends or with family.
  5. You want to introduce all the people close to you to your partner — and to get to know his loved ones.
  6. When you are together, you not only have fun, but also do boring household chores: do the cleaning, go to the store, cook.
  7. You feel safe.
  8. You start thinking about a future together. But maybe don't talk about it out loud just yet.

Advice #3

Overcome Fear

If it's time to confess your feelings, but you're still scared, there are many psychological ways to fix it. Here are a couple of them.

Rationalize fear. Ask yourself: what exactly am I afraid of? The fact that I confess, but they reject me? Or, perhaps, the obligations that I will take upon myself by opening my feelings? Listen to yourself - and formulate an answer.

Then ask yourself another question: what happens if I don't confess? Is it possible that then I will most likely lose the chance to be together with a person dear to me? Think about what is scarier for you: to completely abandon the relationship or take a chance and confess?

Take your time to answer, give yourself time to think.

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Face your fear. In most cases, the experience of fear, the thoughts and fantasies it evokes, is more painful than the actual encounter with what frightens. Therefore, sometimes it is easier to take and do what you are so afraid of.

To make it a little easier for you, try to prepare. Rehearse your confession several times. For example, say out loud: "You know, I love you very much." Then make an appointment. And try to control your breathing at the most crucial moment - make sure that it does not become more frequent, but is even and slow: this will calm the nervous system a little.

Even if things don't go as well as you'd like, you'll feel some relief just because you don't have to keep your feelings inside.

Advice #4

Find the right words

Love confessions don't have to be wordy. Often a simple "I love you" is enough to make both you and your partner happy.

If you want to say something special, you have to try. Try to remember what you like about your partner, what delights you, what makes you laugh. And list all these qualities in your confession. This is how you let him know how well you know him. This means that your feelings are already settled, you are confident in them - and the partner does not need to be afraid that everything will change at any moment.

But do not expect that, having confessed your love, you will immediately hear the answer "I love you too." People develop feelings at different rates. Perhaps, after some time, they will also love you. Or maybe not.

In any case, the fact that you have overcome your fears and been able to confess your feelings is a huge step in self-development. Just accept your feelings, learn to live with them, try to be grateful for them. And often remind yourself that loving someone is just as important for a person as being loved.

For those who have been in a relationship for a long time, it is also important to express love regularly: give compliments, be grateful and provide support.

If nothing comes to mind, here are a few catchphrases:

  • "I love spending time with you";
  • "I feel so happy next to you";
  • "You are the most important and closest person to me."

Advice #5

Express love with more than just words

There are many non-verbal ways to show feelings. They can be a salvation for those who do not like or are embarrassed to talk about their love.

Here is what psychologists advise:

  1. If you can, help your loved one cope with difficult matters. For example, take on some of his work if he is overloaded.
  2. Hug and kiss often.
  3. From time to time, for no reason, give each other small but important gifts. For example, tickets to a concert of your partner's favorite band.
  4. Spend quality time with each other regularly and do things you both love. Walk, cook, watch TV series together or plan a vacation.
  5. Take care of your partner when they are sick.
  6. Offer to help if your partner's family or close friends are in a difficult situation.
  7. From time to time, unnoticed by others, take your partner by the hand for a couple of seconds. And in general, do not miss the opportunity to touch it.
  8. If your partner is talking, listen to him. And try to remember what he tells you about his day, childhood or dreams.
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